In Control and In Perspective

Last Sunday, we saw in 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 that God’s people are to control their bodies (sexually), unlike the world, who doesn’t know God and lives out of control (again, sexually). We also saw that there are consequences for living “out of control”.

It didn’t take long for the issue to be in the news again, proving the truth of God’s Word. Jared Fogle, the famous Subway spokesman who dropped a ton of weight eating their submarine sandwiches, topped that crazy story by being accused of sexual activity with minors and being in possession of child pornography. Aside from the lives of children that have been ruined, think of the damage Jared has done to himself because he didn’t control his sinful sexual appetites. Worth 15 million dollars and the face of a franchise, he has lost his job, his wife, his 2 children, his reputation, and is heading to prison. Was it worth it? Reeling from that news, we were hit with the Josh Dugger accusation of having two profiles on a website designed to help people cheat on their spouse. Out of control. Destructive.

The church is not exempt from the dangers of sexual immorality, either. We must guard ourselves or else destroy our families, our reputation, or our testimony for Christ.

And I also want to caution on buying into some of the popular church teaching that good sex is the key to a good marriage. Yes, sexual fulfillment is meant to be enjoyed, yes it is meant to be apart of the oneness of marriage, but sometimes the teaching from the church creeps into the territory of “sex is the main event”. The way I have heard some preachers preach on sex, you would think sex is the main reason to get married. That’s not good.

Why the caution? We love to hit the extreme side of the spectrum. I grew up in church and always believed sex was a bad thing by the way it was talked about. That’s a wrong presentation. But if we jump to the other side, the “sex is ultimate”, the side of “good sex = good marriage”, we can end up concluding on that extreme side of the spectrum that “no good sex = no good marriage”. It puts eros (the Greek word for love that means “passion”) over agape (the Greek word for love that means “your needs over my needs”). In other words, physical intimacy becomes the focus instead of self-sacrificing, “lay my life down for you” love. If some physical anomaly resulted in a husband and wife unable to have relations, does that mean the marriage is over? Does that scenario justify marital breakdown and sexual immorality? “If I can’t have sex, what good is the marriage?” Whoa, wait a second, do you truly love your spouse or do you just love what they can do for you?

I’m not being some hyper-prude. Yes, enjoy your spouse. But make sure the physical intimacy is an overflow of the oneness that comes from the highest love. Don’t buy the world’s propaganda that the physical act is the highest priority over everything. Agape over eros.

p.s. - not a hyper-prude, or even a calm prude

How to Tell if Your Pastor is Legit

I recently heard a pastor being described with what was one of the strangest things you can say about a pastor. And the same phrase came from several people. I am not bashing the guy. He’s got a thriving ministry and is an excellent speaker. These people describing him were big fans, anyways. I just thought the way he was described was rather... unusual.

He’s not a people person.

He’s not a people person?!

About the third time I heard it, whoever told me elaborated on it a bit. He doesn’t really do the “people” stuff. He is sort of detached from the people. All he really does is speak.

I don’t really know the guy, and I don’t know if any of this is true. But here is what I do know: I never want anyone to describe me that way.

Many pastors in our day seem to care about the polished sermons, popularity, entertaining people, or being revered. But Biblically, there is one thing the pastor should care about more than just about anything: the church, that is, the people. We see this in the heart of Paul throughout our 1 Thessalonians study. Thankful for you, praying for you, love you like a mother, give ourselves for you, love you like a father, couldn’t wait to see you again, you are our crown of boasting, we feel so alive knowing that you are standing strong... (See chapter 1:3-4, 2:7-12, 17, 19, 3:5-10.) You can’t miss the fact that Paul as Pastor loved the Lord, loved the Gospel... and loved the church.

Not just in 1 Thessalonians, either. Look at 2 Corinthians 11:28-29: And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant?

This comes on the tail end of Paul describing how he has been shipwrecked, imprisoned, and beaten. And he is saying, “That stuff is the least of my worries! My concern is for the church!”

One chapter later in 2 Corinthians 12:15, he says, I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. Notice Paul isn’t complaining about OT (overtime, not Old Testament) or difficult people or not getting his day off. He was glad to pour himself out, to work to exhaustion – for the sake of their souls. That’s the heart of a legit pastor.

Let’s get real. Sermons may flop. Potlucks may be a let down. The Christmas service may not have been to your liking last year. But if you are looking for real criteria to properly evaluate your pastor, here is a great place to start: Does he love his people?

The Sermon that Took 20 Years to Prepare

Twenty years. Two decades. It represents half of my life. The first half and the second as different as night and day, hot and cold... dead and alive.

When I came to Christ in 1995, I was 20 years old. A stranger led me to Christ. Not a pastor. Not sitting in church. Just a stranger who loved the Lord and shared the Gospel with me.

I don’t know why this “half my life” thing is hitting me so hard, but it is. Maybe it is because of how radically I was changed way back then. Maybe it is because I was expecting to be more mature at this point.

So to commemorate 20 years of walking with Christ, here are 20 things I’ve learned in the last 2 decades being born again. Have I mastered these? No. I’ve learned some things along the way that Christ continues to work on in me. This is in random order.

1. The more I learn, the more I see how much I don’t know. God’s Word is amazing. It’s only “one book," but the more I study this “one book” the more profound it becomes.

2. God calls people that I wouldn’t have picked. Looking at the several billion people on earth in 1995, I should have been the LAST person the Lord called to follow Him.

3. God is faithful even when I am not. I have blown it. I have failed. I have let people down. God is very much opposite of that. Always.

4. People matter. I spent a long time running on “the mission matters, the mission matters”. It does. But it only matters when people matter. And I have wrongly avoided loving people at times because I thought I was doing the mission.

5. Taking care of home must come before taking care of church. 1 Timothy 3:4-5 is pretty clear on that. I’m starting to get it.

6. I have needed to forgive much. But I have needed to be forgiven more. I have managed to fail in my relationships with just about everyone. I have been shown much grace. I wish I could reflect the same.

7. I tend to over-promise and under-deliver. I don’t know 20 things. I’m still learning, though.

BUT this Sunday, I WILL share something very personal I have learned along the way – some things I wish someone had told me 20 years ago. It’s all about the trials of life. Stuff every Christian needs to know... sooner is much better than later. And it’s all in 1 Thessalonians 2:17-3:5. Please join us.

p.s. - here’s to learning 7 more things in the next 20 years!

Five Words for Dads...

3 It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,

but every fool will be quarreling.

4 The sluggard does not plow in the autumn;

he will seek at harvest and have nothing.

5 The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water,

but a man of understanding will draw it out.

6 Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,

but a faithful man who can find?

7 The righteous who walks in his integrity—

blessed are his children after him!

-Proverbs 20:3-7

One of the greatest influences a child will have is his/her father. A child should get his first glimpse of what God is like by looking at his/her dad! Grace, truth, discipline, mercy, compassion, unconditional love – all of these things found in Christ and modeled by dad. And if you are a guy reading this thinking, “I have never had children”, well, this still applies – because I am certain that someone (a nephew, coworker, neighbor) considers you a father-figure/big brother type role model.

So with Father’s Day approaching, I’d like to give a word of encouragement to Dads. Actually, 5 words, all from the verses above. Here they are:

A Good Dad Should Strive to Be:

1) Patient. (v3) Some guys are always looking for a fight. Ever notice that? At work, on the ball field, in traffic – never overlooking an offense (Proverbs 19:11), but instead having a temper that goes from zero to sixty at the slightest hint of a perceived infraction. Fools quarrel. A man of honor stays away from it. Model this.

2) Working. (v4) That is: working hard. That is: working hard on all fronts.Laziness makes a father passive. One of the causes of troubled children is a passive father. Don’t forget: the sowing and reaping thing is a universal principle. If you aren’t sowing into your kids now, you won’t be reaping later – instead you may have children detached from their dad.

A good dad works hard, but does not work always. He manages his time well so he can spend some quality time with his family. Model this.

3) Thoughtful. (v5) What are the motives of your heart? A man of understanding will draw them out, like a well. Why do I do the things I do, say the things I say? We are not animals, just running around reacting to stimuli (though many men seem to act like this). Dads should be thoughtful and deliberate, obvious in word and deed. Model this.

4) Faithful. (v6) A rare commodity - rapidly becoming more and more scarce: steadfast love. Loyalty and trustworthiness are rare these day. Many a man claim to have it, as the Proverb observes, but we don’t see it in the practical sense. We don’t see men put their money where their mouths are when it comes to following through on a commitment. Whether it is a commitment to wife, commitment to kids, commitment to neighbors, commitment to extended family, commitment to church... bailing in favor of my personal preferences/priorities has become less shameful in our eyes. I know I promised, but I’m tired. I made a commitment, but I’m just too burnt out to keep it. The Proverb writer stands with us asking “Who can find a faithful man?” Let it be you. Model this.

5) Righteous. (v7) Living a blameless life. A life of integrity. I speak at home the same way I do at church. I am in private who I am in public. This man doesn’t tell his children, “Do as I say, not as I do”. This man has integrity and walks in it – and his children watch this life of integrity on display and it blesses them. Model this.

Happy Father’s Day! You are loved!
p.s. - not prepared to be a father but realized 10 years too late