Introduction:
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
God's Design for Marriage (Genesis 2:18-25):
- Leave for your new priority.
- Cleave to your wife exclusively.
- Weave your lives together in unity.
Matthew 19:6 - So they are no longer two but one flesh.
Matthew 19:6 - What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
3 Things to Embrace to Grow in Unity:
- I keep no Secrets .
- I do nothing that makes my spouse Uncomfortable .
- My money is Our money .
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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00:54-00:58
Open your Bibles up with me please to Genesis chapter 2.
00:59-01:02
And we're in a series called Foundations.
01:04-01:05
Why Foundations?
01:05-01:06
Why this series?
01:07-01:10
Because the foundations are under attack like never before.
01:13-01:19
You see the Bible says, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." And the world says, "No, he didn't.
01:19-01:22
or product of evolution, chance, mutations.
01:25-01:30
The Bible says that God created them male and female.
01:30-01:32
And the world says, no, he didn't.
01:34-01:34
Gender is fluid.
01:35-01:37
You can be whatever gender you want.
01:37-01:38
And how many genders are there now?
01:39-01:40
72 or something.
01:43-01:45
Can you not see this as a direct attack on the word of God?
01:47-01:52
The Bible says marriage is between a man and a woman, and the world says, no, it's not.
01:53-01:56
It can be between two men, it can be between two women.
01:56-02:00
I've even read articles of people marrying their pets.
02:03-02:06
It really is those last two that we're going to focus on today.
02:07-02:11
Male and female, and marriage between a man and a woman.
02:11-02:19
We're gonna be talking about issues of gender and sexuality and marriage.
02:25-02:31
And I've got to be honest with you, I never dreamed I would have to say some of the things that I have to say today.
02:33-02:45
Because I've been in ministry now for twenty-some odd years, and yeah, there's been a lot of teaching against evolution, you know, teaching for biblical creation, taking the Word of God straightforwardly.
02:46-02:48
I get all that, I've been doing that for decades.
02:51-02:58
I never imagined there would come a day that I'd have to stand up and defend the fact that there are two genders.
03:02-03:23
That I would have to say, "It's not okay to call a man a woman or to call a woman a man." But unless you've been living under a rock or without TV or internet, kind of envy you if that's you, then you realize this is the hot topic right now, right?
03:26-03:36
Pennsylvania swimmer Leah Thomas becomes the first known transgender athlete to win Division I National Championship.
03:37-03:41
A man who competed against women.
03:44-03:49
Maybe you saw the president insisted that the next Supreme Court justice be a woman.
03:50-04:03
And at the confirmation hearings, ironically, this woman couldn't define what a woman is because she's not a, what?
04:04-04:05
Not a biologist.
04:05-04:06
You saw that, right?
04:07-04:08
Isn't that interesting?
04:08-04:12
You could go grab any kid up in Harvest Kids right now and say, what's a man, what's a woman?
04:13-04:14
And any one of those kids could tell you.
04:16-04:20
But we have somebody that's a potential Supreme Court justice who doesn't know.
04:23-04:25
Maybe you've been following what's going on in Florida.
04:26-04:30
The governor of Florida signed a controversial sex education bill.
04:30-04:31
Did you see this?
04:33-04:44
This controversial sex education bill forbids instruction on sex orientation and gender identification in kindergarten through third grade.
04:47-04:49
I can't believe I have to stand up here and say this.
04:50-05:01
That there is intense national scrutiny over this governor who had the audacity to say the teachers shouldn't be teaching sexuality to kindergartners.
05:02-05:02
What?
05:03-05:04
Why is that controversial?
05:07-05:08
Somebody explain that to me.
05:11-05:29
I heard somebody say this week, "If it takes a law to stop you from holding a classroom discussion about sex with five-year-olds, you shouldn't be a teacher, and you probably shouldn't be allowed within miles of a school." I could go on.
05:32-05:39
But the whole issue of marriage and sexuality has become so, so twisted.
05:42-05:57
And I've got to tell you, church, it's real easy for us to kind of step back and be like, "Shame on them perverted sinners." I might have been there at one point.
06:00-06:07
But I've got to tell you something that happened to me one time that just completely changed the way I look at these things.
06:10-06:14
I was in Walmart, up in Butler of all places.
06:15-06:17
Like, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, you shop at Walmart.
06:17-06:27
I didn't know you were doing so well for yourself." I was in Walmart and walking through the aisles, I saw a bunch of teenage boys.
06:28-06:29
They were kind of laughing.
06:29-06:32
And I, look, I was a teenage boy once upon a time too.
06:32-06:33
I knew what was going on.
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They were laughing and making trouble.
06:39-06:54
And there was something that really, they were really engrossed in making a project for themselves, but I didn't know what it was.
06:55-07:09
Until I kept walking, I saw in the next aisle, I saw a person standing, a very tall person wearing a black dress and a black hat and black gloves and black high heels.
07:13-07:21
And I made the connection, I'm like, "Those kids are laughing at that girl." But I couldn't put the pieces together as to why.
07:22-07:29
So later when I was coming back through the store, I passed what I thought was that woman coming up the aisle.
07:32-07:33
And it wasn't a woman, it was a man.
07:35-07:36
A cross-dresser.
07:38-07:44
And that's what the kids had sort of, they were laughing and throwing their insults or whatever.
07:47-07:50
But the look on his face, I will never forget.
07:52-07:58
He looked like he was about to burst into just uncontrollable weeping.
07:59-08:08
And there was a sense of just absolute despondent misery hanging over this person.
08:10-08:11
And that stuck with me.
08:13-08:18
Because I thought, "Man, this is what you thought was going to make you happy." And it obviously hasn't.
08:21-08:33
So church, I just want to preface this stuff to say, look, as we talk about issues of marriage and sexuality, it's so easy to condemn and to make fun of and to write off.
08:34-08:40
And maybe church, we need to seek the Lord on how to reach such people.
08:43-08:53
Because maybe there's a lot more of them like that guy that aren't parading it and celebrating it as much as they are maybe trapped by it.
08:54-08:56
Maybe living in misery over it.
08:59-09:00
People like that need the gospel.
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People like us need the gospel.
09:05-09:09
You realize the Bible says that we all like sheep go astray each to his own way.
09:10-09:14
And even if you don't sin like that guy in Walmart sin, you have your own sin tendency.
09:15-09:17
And you need Jesus Christ just as much as that guy.
09:18-09:24
He has made His grace available for you, whether you're watching this, whether you're sitting here.
09:26-09:29
Whatever your situation is, His grace is available.
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He died on the cross for your sins.
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He rose from the dead to give you eternal life.
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That's the love of God, and that's the transforming power of the gospel.
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This is the world that our children are inheriting.
09:47-09:55
A world that not only denies God's clear plan for marriage, not only can't recognize what a man or a woman is, but insists that you play along.
09:58-10:00
So again, church, we're getting back to the foundation.
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The foundation that God created them, male and female.
10:06-10:11
The foundation that God designed marriage and all that really matters is what he said about it.
10:15-10:28
And before we look at the text, you know, if you're single, I don't want you to feel like you can tune out right now.
10:30-10:32
Sometimes God calls people to be single.
10:34-10:39
Or maybe your time of no longer being single is just around the corner for you.
10:40-10:45
So you're going to want to pay extra special attention to what God has to say about this.
10:45-11:00
And if you're divorced, or if you're widowed, we're not denying the pain of a marriage ending for whatever reason.
11:03-11:12
All I simply want to do today is take a look at what God's original plan was and is for marriage.
11:14-11:24
So, if you are married, or if you're about to get married, this especially applies to you today.
11:27-11:27
All right?
11:28-11:38
Genesis chapter 2, we're going to pick up in verse 18, but chapter 1 verse 27 says that God created, and on day six, he created them male and female.
11:40-11:41
That's Genesis chapter 1.
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Genesis 2 sort of zooms in and gives details like, "Okay, God created them male and female.
11:48-11:49
He created humans.
11:49-11:53
We better unpack that a little bit." Right?
11:53-11:55
And that's what Genesis 2 does.
11:55-12:00
Let's pick up in verse 18 in what has been the longest introduction ever.
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You are so gracious.
12:05-12:11
Verse 18 says, "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone.
12:11-12:15
I will make him a helper fit for him.'" Stop here.
12:16-12:21
At this point, okay, this zooming in, this rewind, it's talking about when it was just Adam.
12:22-12:25
There was only one human being created, and it was man.
12:28-12:36
But notice in verse 18, God says, "It is not good." when you read the creation account, everything was good to this point.
12:36-12:38
It was good, it was good, it was good, it was good.
12:38-12:41
And then finally we get here and God says, no, here's something that's not good.
12:41-12:44
This is the first negative you could say.
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But it's not saying that something was evil or bad.
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Everything in and of itself was perfect.
12:58-13:00
The problem was it just wasn't complete.
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That's what that means.
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God's like, "Okay, everything's good, but this, there's something more that needs to happen here." And he says what it is.
13:13-13:26
He says, "It's not good that the man should be alone." Man was created to have relationship, sharing ideas, sharing your emotions, sharing your soul.
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And Adam didn't have a helper.
13:29-13:34
He didn't have someone who was, in God's Word, a fit for Him.
13:35-13:44
That could also be translated, somebody like Him, somebody corresponding to Him, somebody who is, it can literally mean, worthy of Him.
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So what's the solution?
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Look at verses 19 and 20.
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It says, "Now out of the ground, "the Lord God had formed every beast of the field "and every bird of the heavens, "and brought them to the man "to see what he would call them.
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"And whatever the man called every living creature, "that was its name.
14:14-14:28
"The man gave names to all livestock "and to the birds of the heavens "and to every beast of the field, "but for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him." Okay, so what's up with this exercise?
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How many of you think that God had the power and the ability to name the animals himself?
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How many of you think that, some of you don't think God had the power or the ability to do that?
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That was a seeing who's still with me question.
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Most of you passed, very good.
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Yes, God certainly had the power and the ability to do it.
14:51-14:57
But you see, this was more than just an exercise and slapping a label on animals.
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This was an object lesson.
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That Adam was supposed to see as he was labeling these animals, that none of them could be suitable helpers for him.
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Now, I'm a dog person.
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How many people here, fellow dog people, have a dog, love dogs, appreciate dogs, realize that's the only unconditional love you're going to get on this side of heaven.
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Do you know why else I love dogs?
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Do you know why I love dogs?
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I talk about my dog from time to time.
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You know why I love dogs?
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Because every time I leave the house for whatever reason, whether it's come to work or go check the mail, it's almost like Aaron takes my dog and says, "Yes, Daddy left and he's dead, and you're never going to see him again." Because that would explain the reaction I get when I come home.
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I walk in the door and every time, like I said, I could be gone for six hours, I could be gone for two minutes.
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I walk in the door and she's like, "You're alive, you're alive!" And she's just immediately like elated.
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And I love that.
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because sometimes that's all I get.
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(congregation laughing)
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But despite all of that, she's not a suitable helper for me.
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I can't really share life with her.
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And you see, God wanted Adam to see that.
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And that's why he had him go over the animals and name every one of them.
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Could you imagine what that looked like?
16:49-18:23
That the animals were passing by wanted Adam to name them and I just kind of imagined what that would have been like that Adams like okay this one we're gonna call an elephant and God's like okay what about this one and Adams like we're gonna call this one a parent and God's like okay what about this one and Adams like we're gonna call this one an alligator and God's like okay what are call it a cat. By the way, like I said, God had Adam do this before Eve was created. Do you know another reason why? Because if God had Adam and Eve together name the animals, they'd still be doing it. True or false? Could you imagine how that would play out? God's like, "Okay, here's your next one." And Adam's like, "What do you want to name this one, dear?" And she's like, "Oh, I don't care, whatever you want." He's like, "No, I'd really like you to name this one." She goes, "No, I'm happy "with whatever you want." And Adam's like, "Okay, we'll call it a goose." And Eve's like, "Goose?
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"Are we married to goose for this one?" And Adam says, "Oh no, no, no, we're not married to that.
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"I mean, what do you wanna call it?" And she's like, "Oh, whatever you wanna call it." True or false?
18:39-18:44
At this point, Adam was the only one created in the image of God.
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What does that mean?
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That means everything, everything that separates man from every other creature in the world.
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It boils down to this.
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We are created in the image of God.
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What does that mean?
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It means a lot of things.
18:59-19:01
It means that we're self-conscious.
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We have awareness of ourselves that animals don't have.
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We have personality.
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We are rational.
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We are creative.
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We appreciate beauty and art.
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We have morality.
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We record laws and history.
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All of that, but first and foremost, it means that we are created to enjoy relationship.
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And that was the purpose of this exercise, that all of these animals were brought to Adam and he saw that not only was he different than every other animal and couldn't really have a personal relationship, but he also would have seen that all of the animals had a male and female pairing.
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everyone, there is a male and female counterpart except for him.
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He would have seen that.
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Like, "Oh look, those two go together, those two go together, those two go together, but there's not one of those counterparts for me." Look at verse 21.
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It says, "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man.
20:13-20:22
And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh." So God performs surgery.
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And this is unique.
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Nothing else in all of creation was created like this.
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And the word for rib literally means side.
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It refers to bone and flesh, according to verse 23.
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We'll see here in a second.
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"The woman was created with material for man." Verse 22 says, "And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, He made into a woman and brought her to the man." So God brought Eve to Adam, again making her out of the material from Adam.
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brought her to Him.
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And you know what Adam's response was, right?
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He said, "Whoa, man." And it's stuck, verse 23.
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It says, "And the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.
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She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.'" and said, "This is a woman." That comes from a Hebrew word that means "soft." I probably don't have to explain to you where Adam came up with that concept.
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That is an appropriate word that should be used to describe a woman.
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She's soft.
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We get to verse 24, and this really is one of the most important verses in the entire Bible.
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And this is in fact the most important verse in the Bible in talking about marriage.
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It says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh." That's the most important verse about marriage.
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Like, "Well, how can you say that?" Well, it's not my opinion, it's Jesus' opinion.
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Jesus was asked about marriage.
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Matthew 19, Mark 10, he immediately quoted this verse.
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Paul, when he was writing about marriage, Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 6, he quoted this verse.
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is foundational to everything that God designed for marriage.
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It's one statement.
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And everything that we can talk about with marriage, and sexuality, and family, and relationships, and all of that, boils down to just this one thing.
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So, let's look at this quickly in three parts.
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God's designed for marriage.
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Here it is, first of all, you have to leave for your new priority.
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You have to leave for your new priority.
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It says, "Therefore a man shall," look at this first phrase, "leave his father and his mother." I find that so interesting that this verse is inserted before there even was such a thing as a father and mother, right?
23:34-23:41
But even before kids came into the picture, God says, "Here's my plan for marriage." and it starts here. It starts with leaving.
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Men, leaving.
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Not saying that you never speak to your parents again, alright?
23:52-24:00
So don't, you know, call your parents up and say, "The pastor said I'm supposed to leave you, so this is our last conversation ever." That's not what this is saying.
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This is not saying that married couples, that you can't live with your parents in a time of transition or an emergency situation.
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It's not saying that at all.
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What this is saying is there's a shift in loyalty and priority.
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You're starting a new chapter in your life.
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And this chapter is from living under your parents' care and your parents' authority to establishing your own home.
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And that can only happen when you first of all leave.
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You have to maintain a healthy biblical respect for your parents, but you can't let them negatively affect your relationship with your spouse.
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And all I can tell you, I can tell you a plethora of stories where couples had failed at this foundational thing, where the husband is still tied to mom's apron strings, right?
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And the wife won't make a move without consulting mama about it.
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Look, it's great to have a healthy relationship, but when that relationship with your parents is interfering and you establishing your own home, you haven't fulfilled the first part of God's design for marriage, and that's leaving.
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You have a new priority.
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You're establishing your own home.
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That means you gotta leave.
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Secondly, number two, write this down, cleave to your wife exclusively.
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Cleave, that's a King James word, but it rhymes with leave.
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Well, I didn't, you know, didn't say it was an exact science, but the King James does say cleave, but it means to hold fast, right?
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It means to be glued to your wife.
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He says a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.
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There is no relationship on the planet like this one.
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If you're married, your relationship with your spouse is by far the most important relationship you have and will ever have on this planet.
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I find it so interesting that God did not create one man and create two women.
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And say, okay, Adam, pick which one you want first.
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His design from the beginning was, hey, here's one man, one woman for one lifetime.
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Nor did God create 12 women.
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Say, okay, Adam, why don't you marry one for a few years and when you're tired of her, move on to a different one.
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I created a dozen for you.
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Surely out of those, try them all out.
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Surely out of those you can find one that's suitable for you.
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He created one man for one woman.
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And he says, look, you need to hold fast.
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You need to cleave.
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This is God's design for marriage.
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Unfortunately, too many people look at marriage as a contract.
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You know what a contract is?
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A contract is, I'll sign my name to this and I'll keep my end of the deal so long as you keep your end of the deal and give me what I want.
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That's a contract, right?
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That's what you do for your cell phone.
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Like I'll sign a contract, meaning you're going to fulfill what you promised me for this, right?
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Marriage isn't a contract.
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Marriage is a covenant.
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And that's way different.
27:56-28:05
A covenant says, "I'm going to be faithful to do my part, no matter what." Right?
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Like church, we live under the new covenant of the blood of Jesus Christ.
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And you realize church that Jesus isn't saying, "Okay, for those of you who have received me, I will be faithful to you so long as you are faithful to me." That's not how it works.
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Jesus has promised that he's going to be faithful no matter what.
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And somehow we've lost that when it comes to marriage.
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We view marriage like a contract.
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We say, "I'm just going to get a divorce because she's not doing what I think she should be doing for me." He's not, "I thought he was when I married him, so I have an out." That's not a covenant.
28:55-29:02
The covenant says, "I am in this." And of course, as soon as you say that, there's objections, right?
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Somebody right now is thinking, "Oh, but Pastor Jeff, you don't know my wife.
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You don't, Pastor Jeff, you don't know my husband.
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If only he was more like..." I just want to remind you, look, your conduct is not based on how other people treat you.
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Your conduct is based on the Word of God.
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And yes, certainly, the Bible addresses these things.
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If you're in an abusive situation, you need to let us know.
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And we will walk you through that.
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It is not God's intention that a woman remain in an abusive situation.
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Alright?
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Or if there's something going on like adultery, you need to come and see me and we will walk through that with you.
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Okay?
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So don't take this as, "Well, being under a covenant means that I have to be subject to whatever abuse or neglect, and I'm not allowed to say anything, we will help you.
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But sometimes I think we go too far the other way, and we're just looking for any and every reason to just bail on the marriage.
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That is not God's intention.
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God's intention is you fight for it with every fiber in your being.
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Cleave to your wife exclusively.
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And finally, weave.
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Weave your lives together in unity.
30:30-30:33
What we have here is action, action, result, right?
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He says, "Leave," that's action.
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He's saying, "Cleave," that's action.
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And really, this is the result.
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Leave father and mother, hold fast to his wife, and here's the result.
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and they shall become one flesh." This is unity. And this isn't just a poetic concept, okay?
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This isn't something that somebody read on the front of a Hallmark card, and like, "Hey, that's great! Two become one! Let's write that up." This is literally what the Bible says.
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Two people in marriage turn into one person.
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And Jesus said in Matthew 9.6, He said, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh." So when you're married to someone, you're not into a partnership, you're not into a tag team.
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You are literally two people that turned into one person.
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Interestingly here in Genesis 2.24, it says, "They shall become one flesh." That word for "one" is also used in Deuteronomy 6, where it says, "The Lord is one." Somehow, in the same spirit that the Lord is one, though He's revealed Himself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, a husband and wife married are two people turning into one person.
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That's why we call it "weaving." It's like two cords that are being woven together to make one stronger cord.
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That's weaving.
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It's knowing and being known.
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It's loving and being loved.
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It means that no one should ever think of one of you without thinking of the other of you too.
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Jesus' commentary continues in Matthew 9.6.
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He says, "But therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." Jesus said, "God is in this work of joining you together in oneness." He said, "Let not man separate that." No one should get in the middle of the work that God is doing.
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And that includes you.
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I just want to give you three things to embrace to grow in unity.
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Letter A, married people, write this down, "I keep no secrets." If you're married, these are three things you need to embrace to grow in your unity.
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"I keep no secrets." Where I am going, who I am with, what I'm spending money on, Messages on my phone, I keep no secrets from my spouse.
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Compromising in this goes against the unity that God is trying to bring about.
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I keep no secrets, let her be. I do nothing that makes my spouse uncomfortable.
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That means lunch with the opposite sex, or riding in a car alone with somebody from the opposite sex.
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I strongly discourage that.
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And men, when your wife is uncomfortable with something, do not disregard her feelings on the matter.
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I think men have that tendency to say, "Well, she's just being irrational.
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It's just coffee. It's just business.
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We do this kind of thing all the time. It's part of the industry." If she's uncomfortable, respect that.
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For the sake of your love for her and for the importance of protecting your relationship.
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It's not worth it.
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Respect her.
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Do nothing that makes your spouse uncomfortable.
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Like, even if you don't understand it, say, "Look, I love you enough to respect that." So keep no secrets, do nothing that makes your spouse uncomfortable and let her see.
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And this is just in case we got to this point in the sermon and there's somebody here that I didn't offend yet.
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Now this is your turn.
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My money is our money.
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My money is our money.
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Now listen, I know, actually none of that's true.
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It's all God's money, okay?
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It's God's money, but I'm talking about this principle.
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But some people get married and they insist on keeping the finances separate.
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And for more reasons than I have time to tell you today, I just think that is a very unwise idea.
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You should have the same checking account.
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You should be spending within your means.
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You should be deciding spending, especially on big things, you should be deciding that together. I just think it's unwise and I know couples that do this.
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Let's say, "Look, this is my job, I make my money, this is what I bring in.
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You have your job and this is what you bring in and let's keep that separate." And that, I got to be honest with you, that absolutely baffles me.
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Like I'm sharing my soul with you.
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I'm sharing my body with you, but keep your grubby myths out of my wallet.
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Like what?
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That's the part where we get all sensitive all of a sudden?
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You need to say this, my money is our money.
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And if you don't believe that, We could show you, we could talk to a good lawyer to prove that that's true, right?
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My money is our money.
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So look, maybe some of you right now, you're like, you know what?
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My marriage has been a little stale.
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I hear what you're saying, Pastor Jeff.
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I just, I haven't really been feeling, I just haven't really been feeling it.
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What do I need to do?
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You need to humble yourself.
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That's what you need to do.
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You need to be honest before God and you need to be honest before your spouse and you need to sit down and say, "Hey, what are some things that I need to be doing right now to make you feel like number one in this relationship?
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What are some things that I need to stop doing in order to make you feel like you're number one?" Because look, church, you are not one with your job.
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You're not one with your job.
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Jobs come and go, right?
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A lot of us saw that during the pandemic.
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And you know, no one on their deathbed ever wished for one more day of work.
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Jobs come and go.
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Hobbies.
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Hobbies come and go.
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But you're not one with your hobby.
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Other people, you're not one with other people, not your parents, not your friends, and not even your children.
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You're not one with the church.
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Ministry is not an excuse to neglect your spouse.
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You ministry together.
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According to God, the only one that you are one with, the only one that you are uniquely connected to, and the only one that God is actively at work joining you together with is your spouse.
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This was God's design from the beginning, and this is what it is now.
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You gotta leave, and then you cleave, and the result is you weep.
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Let's pray.
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Father in heaven, we thank you for your word, especially in a day when things are constantly getting redefined.
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And Father, the world already is beginning to see the foolishness of disregarding your Word on such clear foundational things.
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And they will continue to.
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But Father, you are calling us to a higher standard.
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You are calling us to be a people who tremble before Your Word.
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Who live in obedience even when we don't fully understand everything.
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So Father, let the only voice that we hear and heed regarding marriage, sexuality, and gender, and all of these things, let the only voice that we hear be Yours.
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the only voice that's eternally true.
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We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.
Small Group Discussion
Read Genesis 2:18-25
What was your big take-away from this passage / message?
Why did God have Adam name the animals (Gen 2:19-20)? What was the point of that assignment?
Why is “leaving father and mother” the necessary first step in marriage? What does it mean to “leave”?
What does it mean that marriage is a “covenant”? For those married - how does that determine the way we conduct ourselves as a spouse?
What is the best piece of marriage advice you’ve ever heard?
Breakout
Pray for one another.
