Introduction:
Four Marks of Real Prayer (Matthew 6:5–15)
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PRIVATE. (Matt 6:5–6)
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PERSONAL. (Matt 6:7–8)
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PROPORTIONED. (Matt 6:9–13)
Three Ingredients of Prayer:
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PRAISE. (Matt 6:9)
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PURPOSE. (Matt 6:10)
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PROVISION. (Matt 6:11–13)
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PRACTICAL. (Matt 6:14–15)
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
Small Group Discussion
Read Matthew 6:5-15
What was your big take-away from this passage / message?
“Prayer is the screw that almost always needs to be tightened for the Christian.” Why do you think this is true? Why do you think prayer is so difficult for many Christians?
Explain Jesus' teaching in verse 6 in your own words. Why is secret prayer so important?
What are the 3 ingredients of prayer in “The Lord’s Prayer”? Which one do you need to work on the most right now? Why?
Breakout
How is your prayer life these days? What have we learned from this passage that we will apply to grow as pray-ers?
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Matthew chapter 6.
Let's turn to God's Word together.
I'm going to ask that you please pray for me to be faithful to communicate it clearly.
I will pray for you to have a heart open to receive it.
Father in heaven, we humble ourselves before you
and ask that you would make us the people that you've called us to be
so that you may accomplish the purposes you want to accomplish through us.
Thank you ahead of time.
The transformation that comes when we come under the authority of your Word.
We pray in Jesus' name.
In all of God's people said, "Amen."
Matthew chapter 6, are you there?
Well, I was going to college in Ohio.
I was working at Walmart, among many other places I was working.
But at Walmart, I worked with this man named George.
And I was trying to think of how I could describe George to you.
But I think the only phrase that really encapsulates who he was
was a phrase they use in the South.
Bless his heart.
You know what I mean? Okay, enough said.
George, when I would go to work and we were on the same shift, George would always say,
"I'm awfully tired today."
He said, "I drove..." He drove truck. That was his other job.
He goes, "I drove the rig down to Alabama and back last night."
Like, you went to Alabama and back in one night?
He's like, "Yeah?"
So I'm trying to calculate. I'm like, "Is that possible? Are you driving a jet?"
"Can you make it to Alabama and back from Ohio in one night?"
I don't know about that.
I'm like, "Wow, you must be tired then."
He goes, "Yeah?"
He goes, "My other job-driving truck, they got me working 200 hours a week."
And he was not being hyperbolic, by the way.
I said, "You work 200 hours a week driving truck?"
He goes, "Yeah?"
So how many hours you work in here?
He goes, "40?"
I said, "You work 240 hours last week?"
He goes, "Yeah?"
And bless his heart.
I just couldn't tell him.
I just didn't have it in me to tell him.
But he was always telling me this story.
But I'm somewhat of an armchair psychologist, I guess.
But I wonder what was it in him that made him want to tell me that story every time we worked together?
Because I heard it a lot.
What would possess a guy to say something like that?
And there really is only one answer, right?
He wanted to impress me, right?
He wanted me to be like, "Wow, George, you're such a hard worker.
You work more hours than there are in a week."
Like, that's what he wanted from me. He wanted my attention.
And, church, what is it in us that we want the attention from other people?
Why are we like that?
Why don't we bring that mindset into the church where we encounter the words of our Lord when He says in Matthew 6,
verse 1, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them,
for then you have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."
Jesus very clearly warned us.
Well, we are to do religious acts. I mean, that's a given.
He talks about prayer. He talks about giving.
And He talks about fasting.
And you're going to see Jesus just assumed that His people would do those things, right?
But the caution He gives is trying to do these things in a way to get attention from other people,
to try to impress other people.
That's a question.
Pastor Taylor addressed last week. We'll look at this week.
And spoiler alert next week too.
Because it's the same question for all of these things.
Giving, praying, fasting. Whose attention do you want?
Do you want God's attention?
Or do you want other people's attention?
Excuse me. Today, we're going to talk about prayer.
Why is prayer so hard?
In the Christian life and discipline,
why is prayer the hardest thing?
Preparing for this message, that was the question that was just like
constantly running through my mind this past week.
Why is it so hard?
I think there's three overlapping reasons that prayer is hard.
One is we are bored with it.
As one author put it, we're bored with prayer because we pray the same old things about the same old things.
True. Boring. We're bored with it.
That's why it's so hard.
Number two, second overlapping reason why prayer is the hardest thing
is we don't see God moving in our lives.
Or, excuse me, we don't trust that He will.
I mean, who wants to set themselves up for disappointment, right?
We're on our face, we're crying out for something, and He doesn't do it.
What fun is that?
Third reason is we don't really know what to pray about.
Again, these are all overlap. We just don't know what to pray about.
Somebody's got a health issue, somebody's got a relationship problem.
We're like, what exactly do I say about that?
Why is prayer so difficult?
I mean, here Jesus is talking about the religious acts that His people do, right?
Giving to the needy.
Pastor Taylor talked about last week.
What do the pagans do that, right?
People that have never opened a Bible in their lives
will contribute when they see someone in need, right?
Or next week we're going to talk about fasting.
Let's talk about self-discipline.
I know non-Christians that have much better self-discipline than me
diet and exercise and time management.
Non-Christians.
And then I thought about preaching a sermon.
There are a ton of people in this church, in this church, that can do that.
I'm like the sixth or seventh best preacher in this church.
In this church.
Or whether it's preaching or leading a Bible study.
People do that.
But you know the question that really hits us is why is talking to God
harder than talking about God?
God wants your heart.
And this is a tough pill to swallow, but swallow it we shall.
Prayer is the test where your heart really is with the Lord.
Do you get alone with God?
I mean do you really spend time alone with God?
When you do, if you do, do you have something to say to God?
Well, prayer is the screw that always needs tightened.
Christians, true or false.
And you know what, a lot of times around the church we idealize prayer
and we talk about prayer, but...
Let's be people that actually pray.
How about that?
So on your outline, four marks of real prayer.
And if you, like me, are an alliteration nerd,
boy are you in for a treat.
Four marks of real prayer, number one.
Real prayer is private.
Look at verse five.
Jesus said, "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites,
for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues
and at the street corners that they may be seen by others."
What looks like prayer often is not prayer.
It's performance.
See, Jesus was calling out the religious people of His day,
praying on the street corner.
And the picture here is, I just couldn't wait to get to the temple to pray.
I just, my heart was so bursting with wanting to pray, I couldn't wait.
So I'm just praying right here.
And look how holy I am, everybody.
And it's performance.
And you're like, pfft.
I'd never do that.
Really?
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever been praying in a group?
Like you're in a Bible study, you're in your small group,
or you're in one of your little prayer groups at one of our prayer services.
Have you ever been praying in a group of people and in your prayer,
you know you're about to come up to a phrase in your prayer
that's going to sound so good.
So good, in fact, that you're planning for a little pause
because you just know people are going to amen that.
You know what I'm talking about and you're praying and here comes the phrase.
We're going to ratchet it up.
Wait for amen.
Okay, and then we keep going. Have you ever done that?
Or how about this?
Have you ever complimented a person in your prayer?
Have you ever done that?
Oh, come on, you know what I mean.
Like, we're praying.
And I'm like, Father in heaven, I want to pray for my brother Chuck
because Chuck is so handsome and God, he's such a great dad.
And he's such a devoted husband.
And God, I love Chuck so much. I just thank you.
God, he's a fine figure of a man, Lord.
Like, who is that for?
But don't we do that sometimes?
Have you ever given somebody a subtle rebuke in a prayer?
I'm getting warm in here, isn't it?
Partly the temperature of the room and partly conviction.
Have you ever rebuke somebody in a prayer?
That you're praying and you're like, you know, Father in heaven,
Betsy asked for prayer for this relationship she's entering into.
But Lord, I pray that you would teach her patience.
Like shop-blocking people in their prayer.
Have you ever made a need known in your prayer?
Have you ever done that? You're praying?
And you're like, oh Lord, I'm just praying You provide me $1,100
to fix my 94 Honda Civic.
And then you're looking around, seeing who's reaching for their wallet.
Have you ever tried to turn prayer into teaching time?
Like, I'm about to lay out some doctrine in this prayer.
As if the Lord doesn't know.
As if the Lord's like, wait, let me write this down.
This is fantastic.
Alright, here's the point.
If you have ever said something in a prayer
for the benefit of the other people around you,
then you're performing.
Jesus said you have received your reward.
After the prayer, they're like, wow, that was such a great prayer.
Wow, that was a powerful prayer.
You know, that little, you know, half a second of warm fuzzies you get from that.
There's your reward.
Enjoy.
The look at verse 6, Jesus says,
"But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door,
and pray to your Father who is in secret."
Go to your room, shut the door.
Private.
You want the secret to prayer is?
Praying is secret.
It's private.
It's shutting out other people.
Now listen, this is not an excuse to skip prayer service.
We're having one tomorrow night at the property.
Talk about that in a few minutes.
But don't like no show me.
And I'm like, hey, didn't see it to prayer service.
Well, you know, prayer is supposed to be private.
Now, there are many examples of people praying in groups, the church,
praying together in God's Word.
There's power in praying with your small group.
There's power in the elders coming together to pray before elder meetings.
All right?
But, all that said,
Jesus here is specifically and clearly addressing private prayer.
Because your secret prayer life is your real prayer life.
I mean, you can say what you want about prayer.
And you can get on Twitter's or X's or whatever it's called
and tweet your pithy little sayings about prayer.
Or you can get on the Facebook's and show a post, a picture of a pretty sunset
and a duck and some verse about prayer.
Here's the truth, my friends.
What you really believe about prayer
is proven when you pray privately.
Because that's when prayer is real business.
Because then it's just you and God,
and no one knows what you are saying to God, except God.
And there's no one around to be impressed by your prayers
or to applaud your prayers.
It's just you and God.
And that is when prayer is pure.
Because that is when you are proving by faith
that you really believe that you're talking to God.
Your secret prayer life is your real prayer life.
Jesus said, verse 6, "And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Like giving, you have a choice.
Do you want rewarded by man?
Or do you want rewarded by God?
I could guess most of us here would probably say I want rewarded by God.
So the question is, well, what is God's reward?
What do you think the reward is?
What do you think is the reward that God gives?
I think it's answered prayer.
That's the reward.
And you see, for some of you,
the reason you haven't seen answered prayer
is you haven't really been praying.
When's the last time in your life
you can point specifically to say,
"I was praying specifically for this thing.
Nobody knew about it.
I was praying specifically for this thing.
And then I saw God answered the prayer very specifically."
When's the last time that's happened to you?
Because if you're a follower of Christ,
that should be happening on a regular basis.
Some of you haven't seen prayer answered
because you haven't really been praying.
You haven't prayed in secret.
Your Father hasn't seen in secret.
So He hasn't rewarded you.
Because it is the rewarded prayer
who has faith-fueled private conversations with God.
It is that person that sees prayer answered
and you're like, "God, we were just talking about that.
God, I specifically was talking to you about this very thing
and I see what you did.
Thank you."
You want to see God move in your life like that?
Then you've got to get with God privately.
And you'll see how He rewards.
Like, "Well, how do I do that?"
I have to remind you again
that the most important things in life
are intentional, right?
You've got to be intentional.
You can't hope that it accidentally happens.
That doesn't work with anything else in life, does it?
You don't roll out of bed and say,
"Well, I hope I exercise today."
If you don't intentionally try to make that happen,
it's not going to happen.
You're not going to accidentally exercise.
You can't get up and say,
"Oh, I hope I stick to my diet today.
Hope that Oreos and Funyons
don't find their way into my mouth today."
If you're not intentional,
it's not going to happen.
Parents, you can't say,
"Oh boy, I sure hope I spend time with my kids today."
It's not going to happen by accident.
The most important things in life are done intentionally.
Same with prayer.
Carve out a time, get alone with God,
and by the way, turn off all the electronic distractions.
And pray privately.
That's real prayer.
Number two, for March of Real Prayer, it's personal.
It's personal. Look at verse 7.
Jesus says, "When you pray, do you know what?
Heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do,
for they think that they will be heard for their many words."
Jesus here isn't talking about this need that's on your heart
that you keep bringing before the Lord sincerely crying out.
Jesus is talking about mindless repetition.
That's why verse 8, he says, "Do not be like them."
Don't be like them.
In some churches, that is the thing.
Can prayers.
Oh, you've sinned?
Well, what you need to do is recite this prayer ten times.
And I've talked to people in those churches,
and what they do is they go out and they just spin out the words
as fast as they can, not thinking about what the words even mean.
That's exactly what Jesus is talking about here.
Empty phrases.
Like, yeah, that's church, right?
You know what I mean?
How about this church?
You know, sometimes we teach our kids to recite canned prayers.
You know the first prayer I remember learning?
"Now I lay me down to sleep."
How many people know that?
Raise your hand if you're familiar with it.
"Now I lay me down to sleep."
Okay.
And then you get to that.
I'll tell you how young I was.
I learned the words to that before I knew what the words meant.
Because I remember at a point in my childhood,
when I was saying that, like, if I should die before I wake,
I was like, "What?!"
Like, "That can happen?!"
Seriously, I was freaked out.
My parents had to come to my bedside.
I was like, freaked out.
I'm like, "Well, what if I die before I wake?"
I had no idea what was going on.
Canned prayers.
Here's another canned prayer that we teach before dinner.
You know that one?
"God is great. God is good."
You know the rest of that?
How many of that one?
Okay, all.
Okay.
"Let us thank Him for our food. Amen."
We always had to find out what mom was making
before we thanked God for it.
I'm not so thankful for this one.
That's what Jesus talked about.
Empty phrases.
I mean, if you had an appointment with the Lord,
if it was like in the spirit of the Zacchaeus event,
that the Lord was like, "I'm coming to your house for dinner."
And Jesus is sitting at your table.
How would you talk to Him?
If Jesus sat down and said,
"What would you like to talk about?"
Would you go,
"Now I'll lay me down to sleep.
I pray to the Lord my soul to keep.
I should die before I wake."
You wouldn't just go into some empty poem thing
that you heard as a kid.
Wouldn't you just want to talk to Him?
That's what prayer is.
It's conversation.
It's conversation.
God wants your heart.
Have you heard?
And private prayer is to be a very personal thing.
Look, verse 8, he says,
"Do not be like them for your Father
who knows what you need before you ask Him."
It's personal with God.
He knows and He cares.
Prayer is personal to Him
and you've got to make it personal to you.
But this part of the verse is troubling for a lot of people
because your Father knows what you need
before you ask Him.
So why ask Him?
Luke chapter 18, you don't have to turn there now.
I'm going to paraphrase it for you for the sake of time.
But you can look this up later.
But the paraphrase, look chapter 18, Jesus is walking
and there's a group of people following Him
and there's this blind guy on the side of the road
and he hears all the commotion.
He's like, "What's going on?"
They're like, "Well, Jesus is coming
and there's a lot of crowd with Him."
And the blind guy is like,
"Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"
And people with Him are like, "Shut up!"
And he's like, "No! Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"
And Jesus stops.
He goes, "Bring that guy here."
So they brought the guy to Jesus, the blind man.
They brought the blind man to the Son of God
and Jesus asks him the strangest question.
Jesus says to him, "What do you want me to do for you?"
Now, I've got to confess to you, I'm not proud of this,
but I've got to confess there's a little smart alecky side of me
that imagines the blind man going, "A pizza!
That's what I want from you! A pizza! Do you have any?
What do I want from you?
I want the Pirates to Win the World Series.
Can you make that happen?"
Look, look, I'm not the Son of God.
But I think even I, in ten guesses or less,
could probably guess what a blind man would want from God.
I said to Jesus, "I want to see. I want my sight."
And I have to ask you, church, do you think Jesus knew that?
I would suggest to you that Jesus saying,
"What do you want me to do for you?"
is not such a crazy question.
I think it is infinitely profound.
Because you see what Jesus was saying,
you need to be specific.
But Jesus already knows.
Oh, yes, that stirs up the question,
"Well, why do we pray if He already knows?"
Right? Why pray? God knows, right?
Why pray? Here's why.
Like the blind man praying specifically,
praying specifically is an act of faith.
Praying specifically is an act of faith.
Let's be honest, church. Can we be honest today?
Can we be honest?
Do you want to answer that one?
Can we be honest?
Don't we pray vague?
Don't we pray vague?
This guy prayed vague. Have mercy on me!
What does that mean?
We do the same thing
when we do things like, "God bless grandma."
"Bless grandma, how?"
What am I asking for for grandma?
Or another one we do is we say, "I pray for it."
I caught myself doing that.
I'm like correcting myself when I pray sometimes.
Because I'm like, "No, God knows I'm praying for it."
But we're like that. We're like, "I pray for Pastor Rich."
"I pray for Bethany." You know, "I pray for Lord."
Like, "Yes, you're praying for them."
It's almost like the Lord's like,
"I could tell you were praying for them."
You're on your face and they're on your prayer list.
Praying what?
Do you know I think we do that?
I think sometimes we don't have enough faith
to pray specifically.
I mean, if we say, "God bless grandma,"
anything that happens to grandma,
we can just say that was the blessing I prayed for.
Grandma won bingo, her gout went away, whatever.
I prayed for her.
I think we're afraid.
I think we lack the faith to pray specifically.
Maybe you don't see answered prayer
because you haven't received a specific answer
because you haven't prayed specifically.
Four marks of real prayer.
Number three, write this down.
Proportioned.
In this section, the Lord gives us
what we call the Lord's prayer.
Look, this is a pattern prayer.
There are principles that show us the right balance
in how to pray.
I'm going to go through this quickly
because the truth be told, I can preach 10,000 sermons
on this passage in 10,000 different ways.
I don't want us to be so caught up in the individual trees
that we miss the forest here.
When you pray, our Lord is showing
that your prayer should be proportioned.
There should be balance.
There should be three things in your prayer,
three ingredients in your prayer.
Take your prayer time, divide it up into thirds.
These are the three things you should be going after.
The first one is praise letter A.
Look at verse 9.
Pray then like this, our Father in heaven.
"Hallowed be your name."
"Hallowed." That's holy.
That's praise.
Notice that's first.
Worshiping God for who He is.
That's why I encourage you.
We're teaching the youth group this.
Praying God's word back to Him.
Praying concepts.
"God, you said this in your word.
Therefore, I'm praying that back to you."
When you do that, especially in the Psalms,
you will find yourself worshiping God
with concepts that you don't even normally think about.
But your prayer time should start with praise.
Secondly, purpose.
Verse 10.
"Your kingdom come.
Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
We should be praying for purpose.
Whose purpose? His.
And therefore, ours.
May your kingdom advance.
Use Me, however you want to use Me,
to advance your kingdom.
Gospel purposes.
Let us see.
Third ingredient of prayer is provision.
Provision. Verses 11 through 13.
"Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts.
As we also have forgiven our debtors,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil."
Provision.
And there's balance in provision, right?
Balance in provision.
Physical, right?
Bread.
Relational.
Forgiveness.
Spiritual.
Lead us not into temptation.
See the balance in that?
Most of our prayer requests
have to do with so and so sick pray for them.
I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for them,
but I'm saying it's concerning to me
when that seems to be all that we pray for.
Where's the praise? Where's the purpose?
Where's the other provision things?
Because usually when we pray,
between praise, purpose, and provision,
provision gets the most attention.
True or false?
Sometimes it's the first thing we pray,
embarrassingly, sometimes
it's the only thing we pray.
God, I need. God, please provide.
God, help me.
Prayer is about communion with God.
Prayer is not about getting things.
I think too often in the church we treat God
like mall Santa Claus.
We show up, we tell them what we want,
and then we leave and hope He caches in.
That's not prayer.
Look, if you're bored,
if you're bored with prayer,
maybe it's because you've been lopsided
in the way you pray.
Take these ingredients that the Lord has given us,
incorporate these into your prayer life.
Our prayers should be proportionate.
One more.
One more. Finally, Mark of Real Prayer is,
it's practical.
Look at our last two verses for today,
14 and 15.
It says, "For if you forgive others their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Again, we don't want to get too deep
in the weeds on the subject.
I want you to see the overall point.
Jesus is showing us that there is to be a connection
between our prayers and our everyday lives.
You see, too often we pray holy-sounding words
that have nothing to do with life at work,
at home, at school, wherever.
We pray things like this,
"Heavenly Father, I beseech Thee,
hither to fore, to bestow on thine servants
a bountiful haja protection."
What?
What are you even saying?
Prayer isn't detached from real life.
Jesus is showing us that prayer directly connects
to real life.
Prayer should be practical.
For example, the example that the Lord gives us.
Verse 12, "You pray for forgiveness,
and you pray to be a person who forgives others."
Jesus is showing us that when you do that business with God,
now you're motivated and empowered to forgive others.
Jesus was not saying that the basis of salvation is forgiving.
Forgiving others isn't a plan of salvation;
it's the proof of salvation.
Salvation comes through God's grace alone.
And that topics a whole other sermon series.
Here's the point Jesus is making right here.
What happens in the prayer closet
directly affects what happens outside of it.
Are you having trouble forgiving someone?
How much time have you prayed about that?
Maybe for someone else that's your temper.
I just have a temper, man.
It's just something I struggled with for a long time.
How much have you talked to God about that?
Maybe for somebody else that's anxiety.
"Oh, you know what, Pastor Jeff, I'm just so nervous and anxious."
I know I shouldn't, but I just...
Have you really talked to God about that?
Like really spent time in the presence of the Lord talking about this?
For someone that's lost, like I just can't seem to figure out the self-control thing, Pastor Jeff.
How much have you really prayed about?
Because my guess is if you're still struggling in a particular area,
you probably haven't been praying too much about it at all.
Because Jesus says what happens in the prayer closet
affects what happens to you outside of it.
Our worship team would make their way back up front
and say, "Prayer is the screw that always needs tightened."
That's true for me.
And I imagine that's true for a lot of you.
Look, over the years I have read so many books about prayer.
I've read so many blogs from so many amazing preachers about prayer.
I have listened to so many sermons about prayer, podcasts.
I've been to conferences where they've talked about prayer and taught on prayer.
But you know what I've learned?
That there's really only one way to grow as a person who sincerely prays.
Do you know what that is? Do you know what that one way is?
To pray.
Today I just want to encourage you to take a few pointers from the one who did it best.
Jesus Christ, who told us, "Pray privately.
Make it personal.
Keep it proportions.
And make it practical."
Let's pray now.
Father in heaven, as we come to this teaching, you're worded,
I know it really hits me between the eyes.
And I imagine there's a lot of people in this room in the first service
and they'll be listening to this later. It hits us all.
I'm just asking Father that we would be a people who would in a fresh way be renewed in our prayer lives.
Maybe we've been filling our time with lesser things.
Maybe we've been discouraged or despondent.
Father, bring a fresh conviction, bring a fresh enthusiasm, bring just a fresh excitement in all of us
to privately and sincerely come before you.
Father, I know you're going to reward when we do that.
Let all glory and honor and praise be unto your name.
We pray in Jesus' name, amen.
