The Turnaround: The Discipline of Discipline
Review:
- A Wrong Attitude about Discipline will Make You Discipline Wrongly
- Wrong Attitudes:
- Correction alone is Enough. (Ephesians 6:4)
- Every perceived Wrong deserves discipline. (Proverbs 18:13)
- Discipline always equals Spanking.
- Wrong Attitudes:
- Will Make You Discipline Wrongly:
- I discipline because of my Emotions. (James 1:20)
- I discipline when it's Convenient.
- I discipline without ever Praising.
- I discipline with Improper methods.
- A Biblical Attitude about Discipline will Make You Discipline Biblically
- Biblical Attitudes:
- Discipline is motivated by Love. (Hebrews 12:5-9)
- Discipline is about Correction not Punishment.
- Discipline must be God-glorifying. (James 1:5)
- Will Make You Discipline Biblically:
- I give appropriate Expectations.
- Clear
- Reasonable (age appropriate)
- Definable
- Enforcable
- I follow through as Soon as possible. (Ecclesiastes 8:11)
- I discipline with Proper methods. (Prov 13:24, Prov 22:15, Prov 23:13-14)
- Don't threaten; inform
- Make sure the offense had been committed; verify
- Go to a private setting
- Review
- Have the child assume the position
- Only hind quarters
- Allow them to regain composure
- Encourage
- Make them appologize
- Hug; pray
- Biblical Attitudes:
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
-
00:00-00:08
We are going to finish today our series called Parenting on Purpose.
00:09-00:10
This is week four.
00:10-00:12
This message is called The Turnaround.
00:14-00:16
The discipline of discipline.
00:18-00:28
You know, when I was a kid, I can't remember how, maybe eight or nine years old, maybe, I remember my parents got me a hermit crab.
00:29-00:31
I was so proud of that thing.
00:32-00:38
And I had this little bin with the sand and he'd get the, he'd always get two pellets of food and some peanut butter.
00:38-00:39
They eat peanut butter.
00:39-00:40
Did you know that?
00:40-00:41
They love peanut butter.
00:41-00:45
And I had this little thing for water and I took such good care of this thing.
00:46-00:49
That little pen that it lived in was absolutely meticulous, cleaned out every day.
00:49-00:52
You know, every day I would brush and wash the crab.
00:53-00:57
And that was the most well-taken-care-of crab ever.
00:59-01:05
But I remember, those things are like $3 at the store, right?
01:06-01:14
But if you could get in my little eight or nine-year-old mind at the time, that was a huge deal for me.
01:15-01:19
And I remember thinking, my parents are trusting me with a life.
01:21-01:24
Like, wow, overstatement much, Pastor Jeff?
01:25-01:50
Well, yeah, but not so much anymore because you fast forward a few decades now and my heavenly father has entrusted to Aaron and I human lives, which I would suggest to you which are much more important than the life of the crab Yeah.
01:52-01:58
So that's why we took time out of our series in the book of Acts to say, let's talk about parenting.
01:59-02:03
We have so many wonderful children and wonderful young parents in this church.
02:04-02:09
Let's take some time to see what God's Word has to say about parenting on purpose.
02:12-02:15
We started by talking about the target.
02:16-02:17
Your child's heart.
02:17-02:18
Remember that first message?
02:19-02:20
ready to be on the game fire.
02:20-02:20
Ready!
02:21-02:35
The first thing - the very first thing for parenting a purpose, the very first thing and the most important thing that you can do to be an effective parent, to be an effective biblical parent, is you have to have a walk.
02:36-02:40
An authentic, born-again walk with Jesus Christ yourself.
02:40-02:41
It has to start there.
02:42-02:47
If you are spiritually dead, you cannot do what God has called you to do.
02:48-02:51
equips you by the power of His Holy Spirit.
02:52-03:00
So if you are not born again, if Jesus Christ is not your Lord and Savior, none of these things that we're talking about is really going to apply to you.
03:00-03:02
That has to be step number one.
03:02-03:04
Have you received Christ?
03:05-03:08
Have you trusted Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins?
03:09-03:12
Have you believed that He rose from the dead to give you eternal life?
03:12-03:13
Have you done that?
03:15-03:19
more important even than parenting, is your eternal soul.
03:20-03:25
But from that flows everything that God wants to do through you to your children.
03:27-03:32
We also saw that first week, another fact you've got to get down to, your kids are sinners, okay?
03:32-03:36
I don't care how cute your kids are, I don't care how polite your kids are, your kid is a little sinner.
03:38-03:42
She's a beautiful little princess, but she is princess sinner, okay?
03:42-03:43
She's a sinner.
03:44-03:45
She inherited that from you, by the way.
03:48-03:51
Then we talked about how the Bible has to be our authority.
03:54-03:56
To target your child's heart, ready, aim, fire.
03:56-04:00
Aim, the aim of parenting is to make disciples.
04:00-04:01
It's reproducing yourself spiritually.
04:02-04:05
And we talked about tearing down idols.
04:05-04:06
That's the fire.
04:06-04:12
Tearing down idols and exalting Jesus Christ in your child's heart.
04:14-04:15
That was week one, the target.
04:15-04:16
Week two, we talked about the team.
04:18-04:23
The best thing you can do, mom and dad, the best thing you can do for parenting is to have a strong marriage.
04:24-04:27
We saw there were some specific instructions from God's word.
04:27-04:30
Dads, don't provoke your kids, but bring them up.
04:31-04:34
Moms, your home should be ordered and holy.
04:36-04:38
Then last week, we talked about the teaching.
04:39-04:42
Last week, we focused on the how and what.
04:44-04:48
to teach, to intentionally disciple your children.
04:50-04:52
You see, that's why we've had the arrow with us.
04:52-04:54
It's a reminder of what Psalm 127 says.
04:55-04:57
Your child, parents, your child is an arrow.
05:00-05:02
And in Bible times, you made your own arrow.
05:02-05:05
You didn't go down to Gander Mountain and buy them.
05:05-05:06
You made your own.
05:08-05:13
And if you didn't cut that thing straight, when you fired it from your bow, Who knows where it was going to go?
05:13-05:18
So you had to be real diligent to cut that thing straight so it went exactly where you were aiming.
05:19-05:20
And it's the same thing with your children.
05:22-05:24
You have a limited amount of time, parents.
05:24-05:25
That's why this is so urgent.
05:25-05:43
You only have a few years of that child being in your home that you can cut them straight because someday, whether it's off to college, off to work, off to marry, off to the mission field, wherever they end up, you're going to be shooting them from your house and you You want them to go where you're aiming.
05:44-05:45
That's you're gonna have to cut them straight.
05:46-05:48
It doesn't happen by accident.
05:48-05:51
Again, that's why we call this parenting on purpose, right?
05:52-05:56
So today let's talk about everybody's favorite subject, the turnaround.
05:57-05:58
We're gonna talk about discipline.
06:00-06:02
Nobody really likes discipline.
06:03-06:07
If you enjoy discipline, there's something wrong with you.
06:08-06:17
If you take some sort of personal gratification in dealing out discipline, I don't think any parent really enjoys doing that.
06:18-06:22
Like, "Oh, I just hope Junior does something wrong today because I am loaded.
06:23-06:28
I am loaded." No, we don't enjoy that.
06:31-06:32
But it's a key part of parenting.
06:33-06:34
It's absolutely essential.
06:37-06:43
Many years ago, I remember Owen was probably three, we were in line at the Dollar General.
06:43-06:52
I know I'm a big spender, but we were in line at Dollar General and Owen was, as he did so many times in public, just scream, scream, scream.
06:52-07:02
And I remember this lady in line in front of me at the checkout, she looked at me, she goes, "Go ahead, I know what he needs.
07:02-07:03
"Go ahead and do it.
07:04-07:05
"I won't say anything.
07:06-07:11
"You want me to spank him? Really?" Like, she's, "Go ahead. Go ahead.
07:12-07:16
You know what needs to happen." So I spanked her.
07:18-07:18
I thought about it.
07:20-07:21
I seriously thought about it.
07:21-07:32
I'm like, "My autistic kid doesn't want to wait in line any more than I do, and he has a hard time expressing that." But my point is, she was an expert in parenting, obviously, just like everybody else I've ever met.
07:32-07:34
We're all experts in parenting.
07:34-07:38
And as we turn to God's Word today, we've got to learn some things and we have to unlearn some things.
07:40-07:45
And I want to remind you that one of our convictions we started with way back in week one is the Bible.
07:46-07:55
The word of God is our authority when we talk about everything, but specifically this month, as we talk about parenting, the Bible has to be our source of authority.
07:56-08:01
And this is where people are going to deviate because there are going to be people that say, well, I know what the Bible says, but I have a different idea.
08:01-08:08
That's called unbelief. Okay. Um, The Bible isn't Ponderosa.
08:10-08:18
The Bible isn't the buffet line where we sort of walk through the Bible, and we're like, "Oh, I like that. I'll have some of that. I don't like this. I'm not going to have that.
08:18-08:23
I like this. I'll take a little bit of this, but I'm definitely not taking any of this." The Bible's not the buffet line.
08:26-08:27
We don't pick and choose what we want.
08:29-08:34
That's why when we talk about discipline, we have to turn to God's Word for answers in that area, too.
08:35-08:38
Before we get into this, I know you have a lot of stuff in your outline, we're going to go through it quickly.
08:38-08:44
It's going to be available on our website, so you can listen to it again because there's going to be a lot of information in dealing with this.
08:44-08:46
But I have to say this, parents.
08:47-08:53
Parents, your kids learn about who God is through you.
08:55-08:55
Understand that.
08:56-09:11
That your children's first impressions of what God must be like, they're going to learn that through you. What did Jesus call God? He called him our what? Heavenly Father, right?
09:12-09:26
It's this idea that God is this parent and your kids are going to learn about what God is like through you. And sadly, parents, we have a tendency, we all need grace here, right?
09:26-09:35
We all need grace. We're in a no condemnation zone, right? We all need grace. But this is a very serious matter because your kids can learn some wrong things about God.
09:36-10:06
Your kids can learn some things that aren't true based on how you parent. For example, if your children only feel like you love them or you have high regard for them when they perform for you, they're going to get that idea about God. God is happy with me and God loves me when I'm a good boy and I obey the ten commandments, but when I disobey and do something wrong, God is mad at me and God doesn't like me." And some people never get over that.
10:07-10:12
There's adults walking around right now thinking that God is that way because that's how their parents were.
10:13-10:21
Not unconditional love, "You're my kid no matter what happens." We've had that conversation in our house.
10:21-10:24
Kate will get mad and everybody will go, "I don't want to be a miller anymore." I'm like, "Guess what?
10:25-11:15
an option. You are a Miller until the day you die. And even if you decide to change your name, it's not going to matter because our blood runs through your veins. You can't change that. And we love you. We tell them all, we love you on your best day and on your worst day because that's how God is to us, right? This love doesn't change based on our performance, but you will mess your kids up if you make them think that mom and dad only love me when I'm a good boy or when I'm a good little girl. Some people get this wrong idea that God is detached, that God's just sort of up in heaven and he sort of has his back on the earth. Why do people have that idea?
11:20-11:27
Because Years ago, I went to visit a girl, a teenage girl that was in the psych ward at the hospital.
11:28-11:29
You know what she did?
11:30-11:34
She stole her father's car and wrecked it on purpose.
11:34-11:34
Do you know why?
11:35-11:36
This was from her mouth.
11:37-11:38
This wasn't me trying to psychoanalyze her.
11:39-11:39
This is from her mouth.
11:40-11:42
She said, "You know, my parents never disciplined me.
11:43-11:44
No matter what I did, they'd never get mad.
11:45-11:54
They never gave me any kind of attention at all." And I thought, "Surely, surely they'd discipline me if I did something like this." And they didn't.
11:55-11:57
She was drunk at the time.
11:57-11:58
They're like, "Just go sleep it off.
11:58-12:00
We'll talk about it later." And they dropped it.
12:02-12:08
But see, this girl had this idea, her parents are detached, and that's going to carry over to what she thinks about God.
12:09-12:09
God's detached.
12:10-12:12
God doesn't really care what happens.
12:12-12:14
And that's a lie from hell, by the way.
12:14-12:16
God cares so much about you.
12:16-12:25
The Bible says, "He knows how many hairs you have on your head." Now, when parents are moody, kids never know what they expect when they walk in the door.
12:25-12:30
Is dad going to bark at me or is dad going to be my buddy?
12:31-12:32
People have that idea about God.
12:34-12:39
God is moody and God probably has good days and bad days.
12:40-12:43
Gosh, I hope when I die and stand before Him, it's a good day.
12:45-12:48
The point, you get the point, your kids are going to learn about who God is through you.
12:51-13:00
As we talk about discipline, if you don't get anything else I say today, you fall asleep or walk out or whatever now, get this.
13:03-13:09
The reason we discipline our children is because that's what God does for us.
13:10-13:16
We discipline out of love, because that's what God does for His kids.
13:17-13:17
See, that's the basis.
13:19-13:21
It wasn't like we had this crazy idea, "Oh, I got an idea.
13:21-13:24
Let's discipline our kids." Yeah, anybody on board with that?
13:25-13:28
We do it because that's what God does, and it is an act of love.
13:28-13:29
We're going to talk about that.
13:29-13:32
All right, so on your outline, jot these things down.
13:32-13:34
Like I said, we'll go through these things pretty quickly.
13:36-13:40
Number one, a wrong attitude about discipline will make you discipline wrongly.
13:41-13:43
We can't get any more simple than that.
13:43-13:47
A wrong attitude about discipline will make you discipline wrongly.
13:48-13:50
So what do you mean wrong attitudes?
13:51-13:53
These are some wrong attitudes about discipline.
13:53-13:53
Are you ready?
13:53-13:58
The first wrong attitude is this, correction alone is enough.
14:00-14:02
Correction alone is enough.
14:03-14:11
Some people think, "My job as a parent is to watch to see when my kid gets out of line, and when my kid gets out of line, I knock him back in line.
14:11-14:14
That's my job as a parent, right?" No.
14:15-14:17
That is not your job as a parent.
14:18-14:19
Look at Ephesians 6, 4 again.
14:20-14:26
It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline What are the next two words?
14:29-14:30
Go ahead, say them out loud.
14:31-14:32
And instruction!
14:33-14:35
And instruction of the Lord!
14:37-14:41
Our job is to not just knock our kids in line, laying the hammer down when they disobey.
14:42-14:43
Some people think that's the job.
14:44-14:46
I have the hand of discipline.
14:48-14:50
Correction alone is enough.
14:51-14:52
That is a wrong attitude.
14:54-15:02
Number two, here's a wrong attitude, every perceived wrong deserves discipline.
15:03-15:05
Every perceived wrong deserves discipline.
15:06-15:14
As soon as I think that my kid did something wrong, it's time to lay the hammer down because you know, Pastor Jeff was saying we've got to discipline our kids, right?
15:15-15:15
No.
15:17-15:50
We talked about this a couple of weeks ago, and every parent's guilty of this from time to time, but your child does something childish, like drops something, and we fly off the handle, "What's the matter with you? What were you doing?" And we like scream at our kid for a simple mistake, but then the kid will turn around and do something completely rebellious, like tell you to shut up. And we're just like, "Oh, kids will be kids." And we kind of laugh off the rebellion, but we lay the hammer down on the childishness, and that's totally backwards.
15:52-15:54
Every perceived wrong deserves discipline.
15:54-15:55
That is a wrong attitude.
15:56-16:02
Here's another aspect of that, and it is this - not getting the whole story.
16:04-16:05
Not getting the whole story.
16:05-16:18
Proverbs 18:13 says, "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." A couple of weeks ago, I told you a story where we had this Brady Bunch moment.
16:18-16:22
Do you remember that? We sat down with Cade and we said, "Hey, we're so proud of you.
16:22-16:59
you did this, the way you did that, just one thing that we're gonna work on and we shared that with them and but you know what overall you did very good this weekend we gave him a hug, okay buddy, off the bed and he walked up and he was on the landing of the steps and he turned around and he said to Aaron and I, yeah well you both can stick it. And I don't think I finished that story because I had somebody say well what what did you guys do? So let me finish the story if I did And the first thing I did was I looked at Aaron, and I was like, "Why did you teach him that?" He didn't hear that from me.
17:00-17:07
And actually, she was looking at me, and she's like, "Why did you teach him that?" So the first thing we did was try to figure out who he heard that from.
17:07-17:09
So Aaron and I figured out it wasn't from either of us.
17:10-17:11
I don't know where he heard it.
17:12-17:15
But somebody's like, "Why didn't you really discipline him for that?
17:15-17:20
"We didn't discipline him at all for that." Like, "Why?" Because he came right back to us.
17:20-17:25
He goes, "I have a question. What does 'stick it' mean?" He had no idea what that meant.
17:25-17:31
He heard it on a cartoon or a show or some kid at school said it, and that was a teaching opportunity.
17:32-17:33
Like, "You know what, buddy, we don't say that.
17:34-17:36
It's the same way as telling somebody to shut up.
17:36-17:42
It's very disrespectful, and we try to communicate." He was like, "Oh, okay." He's never said it again.
17:43-18:43
But how wrong would that have been for us to severely discipline him for perceived act of rebellion when he was just repeating something you heard and didn't fully understand what it was so we didn't discipline for that next time he says it however K wrong attitudes correction alone is enough attitude every perceived wrong deserve discipline bad attitude is a third one this one always equals spanking to use a discipline people ago we're talking about spanking today yes yes yes I'm familiar with the subject we're talking about spanking and spanking is one form but it is not always the best way there's grounding there's removing privileges there's doing extra chores there's redoing chores that weren't done right parents you have to ask yourself what's the best form of discipline for the offense, right?
18:44-18:49
But this idea that spanking is the answer for all things discipline, that's wrong.
18:49-18:50
It's just wrong.
18:51-18:52
It is completely wrong.
18:54-18:57
So wrong attitudes make you discipline wrongly.
18:58-19:06
So when you have these wrong attitudes, you're going to see that they're going to manifest themselves by you disciplining your children in a wrong manner.
19:07-19:08
Like what?
19:08-19:12
Quickly, number one, I discipline because of my emotions.
19:14-19:16
Look, we've all been here.
19:17-19:20
I have been so guilty of this, and you have too, okay?
19:21-19:31
So don't point a finger of condemnation at me, and don't hang your head walking out of here feeling like you're the only one, because we're all in this boat.
19:34-19:46
I don't even have to ask you to raise your hand, because I guarantee you every parent in this room, at some point is disciplined because of emotions, meaning you discipline because you're angry or because you're annoyed.
19:47-19:50
Your primary motive isn't my child needs corrected.
19:51-19:53
Your primary motive is I'm ticked off now.
19:53-19:54
I'm mad.
19:57-20:03
James 1:20 says, "The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." And sometimes that's how we discipline.
20:05-20:07
I discipline because of my emotions.
20:09-20:11
Still, under that heading, I would also add this.
20:12-20:14
I've been guilty of this too.
20:15-20:16
I discipline when it's convenient.
20:18-20:19
I discipline when it's convenient.
20:21-20:22
That makes us inconsistent.
20:22-20:24
Our children need disciplined.
20:25-20:26
Oh, I'm too tired.
20:27-20:28
The game is on.
20:28-20:30
I'm in the middle of something.
20:30-20:32
I just disciplined them an hour ago.
20:32-20:38
and we make excuses to not discipline sometimes, and it makes us inconsistent.
20:39-20:45
And it trains children that we discipline by how you feel, not based on what's right and wrong.
20:46-20:54
Well, if mom and dad are in the mood, if they're not feeling lazy, and if they're not overly emotional, all these factors are gonna go into discipline.
20:54-20:55
That's wrong.
20:56-20:57
That's not how God disciplines.
20:58-21:00
That should not be how we discipline.
21:02-21:06
Number two, wrong attitudes will make you discipline wrongly.
21:06-21:08
Number two, I discipline without ever praising.
21:11-21:14
Don't make your child think that you're the prison warden.
21:14-21:16
OK, look for the good, the praise.
21:16-21:22
Look for things that your child is doing right, instead of always looking to see what your child's doing wrong.
21:25-21:27
And number three, this is a huge one as well.
21:29-21:31
I discipline with improper methods.
21:33-21:35
Wrong attitudes make you discipline wrongly.
21:35-21:37
I discipline with improper methods.
21:38-21:44
Slapping, punching, hitting the child with whatever is handy.
21:46-21:57
I remember when we were kids, we had this English bulldog that was the stereotypical bulldog.
21:58-22:02
hard-headed, determined, and...
22:02-22:05
Well, my parents got this shock stick.
22:05-22:06
You remember the shock stick.
22:07-22:10
It was this, it was like a low-grade cattle prod.
22:10-22:14
It was about this long, it was about this big around, it had a red handle, and it was blue.
22:14-22:17
It was like a metal rod, but it had these two prongs on the end.
22:18-22:24
And when you push the button on the red handle, it would give you a jolt that'll get your attention.
22:25-22:27
I mean, we messed around with it and stuff.
22:27-22:31
"Ahh, okay, well, don't call Peter.
22:31-22:33
"This was like decades ago, okay?
22:34-22:49
"Decades ago, don't miss the point of the story." Well, it was the only thing that got the dog's attention, probably because she had like five inches layer of fat on her, so swatting her with a newspaper was not even gonna get her attention.
22:49-23:00
So anyways, so we had this, mom and dad had this shock stick, you just give her a little jolt on the leg, And like I said, the thing really hurt for like a second and a half.
23:01-23:05
Then it was all like tingling, like, oh, like, not like I want to do it again, but like, yeah, get your attention.
23:05-23:08
But it wasn't like, you know, call the ambulance.
23:10-23:13
Well, our younger brother was mouthing off to mom.
23:15-23:22
And I remember mom just like flew off the handle and she was looking for a tool of discipline.
23:23-23:24
You see where the story's going?
23:24-23:26
And she grabbed the shock stick.
23:27-23:28
And I remember, do you remember this?
23:28-23:34
I can still see the whole story in my head because it was, mom grabbed the shock stick.
23:34-23:42
And you could, there was this like half second of hesitation where we were like, is she gonna do it?
23:44-23:47
Because Darren and I knew she wasn't gonna hit him with it because it was like a big metal rod.
23:47-23:48
That would have been child abuse.
23:48-23:50
That would have been really bad.
23:51-23:54
So she grabs a shock stick and we're like, is she gonna do it?
23:56-23:56
She did it.
23:58-24:01
He was wearing jeans, on the leg, just like one shock.
24:04-24:06
The funniest part of that story was the way he sold it.
24:06-24:07
He sold it like a champ.
24:07-24:08
Do you remember?
24:09-24:13
He goes down, he's screaming and writhing.
24:13-24:23
And while he's screaming and writhing, he's like, I can't believe my own mother "You electrocuted me!" And he's just...
24:23-24:25
It was a scene and a half!
24:28-24:32
And this went on for a while, and we're like, oh, come on, dude, it did not hurt that bad.
24:34-24:39
And I am by no means sharing that story as an example to how you should discipline.
24:39-24:41
I'm sharing this story because I thought it was really funny.
24:43-24:45
But the point is - okay.
24:46-24:47
We've all been guilty of this.
24:49-24:50
God's grace, we're gonna do better.
24:51-24:56
But don't just grab the nearest thing to discipline your kid, okay?
24:58-25:00
Especially if you have a cattle prod laying around.
25:03-25:05
None of these things reflect the character of God.
25:06-25:06
None of them do.
25:08-25:09
Okay.
25:10-25:12
Wrong attitudes will make you discipline wrongly.
25:14-25:24
Number two, this is what we're going after, A biblical attitude about discipline will make you discipline biblically.
25:25-25:27
Okay, biblical attitudes, number one.
25:28-25:29
We already alluded to this.
25:29-25:33
I want to give you a great passage of Scripture to back this up.
25:33-25:37
Number one, discipline is motivated by love.
25:39-25:42
Discipline is motivated by love.
25:44-25:46
Look at Hebrews 12 verses five through nine.
25:47-25:48
I'm gonna read this quickly.
25:49-25:54
The Hebrew writer says, "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons or as children?
25:56-26:04
'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him.'" Listen to this.
26:04-26:12
"For the Lord disciplines the one He loves and chastises every son whom He receives.
26:13-26:15
It is for discipline that you have to endure.
26:16-26:18
God is treating you as sons.
26:18-26:21
For what son is there who his father does not discipline?
26:21-26:28
If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
26:30-26:34
Besides this, we've had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.
26:37-26:41
Shall we not much more be subject to the father of spirits and live?
26:43-26:46
Meaning this, if God's disciplining you, that is a great thing.
26:47-26:49
Because that means you belong to him.
26:50-26:53
If you're a child of God, understand God's not going to punish you.
26:54-26:57
God's already punished Jesus Christ for your sin.
26:58-27:02
But when we experience hardship, it's discipline.
27:02-27:08
And the reason God disciplines us is because we're his children and he loves us.
27:08-27:15
If you're living your life and you never experienced the discipline of the Lord, That is a terrible thing, because that means you don't belong to him.
27:16-27:28
It's like when you're in Walmart and you hear some kid freaking out, you know, "I want this and buy me this." And you're thinking to yourself, "Man, would I like to spank that kid." But I hope to heaven you don't.
27:29-27:32
Like go to Walmart and just start spanking other people's kids.
27:34-27:37
We don't actually follow through with that because it's not our kid.
27:40-27:44
But when it is our child acting up, we're all over that.
27:45-27:45
Why?
27:47-27:51
Because we love this child in a way that we don't love this other child, because this is our child.
27:51-27:53
This child belongs to me.
27:53-27:56
And that's how God treats us.
27:58-27:59
He's not disciplining you.
27:59-28:00
That means you don't belong to Him.
28:02-28:07
So, parents, we have to discipline out of love.
28:07-28:09
That has to be the motivation.
28:10-28:17
I'm doing this because I love you, I care about you, I'm thinking about the adult that you're going to be someday.
28:18-28:19
That's why I'm disciplining you.
28:19-28:22
It has to be motivated by love.
28:23-28:27
Number two, discipline is about correction, not punishment.
28:29-28:33
Again, we alluded to this, but discipline is about correction, not punishment.
28:34-28:34
What's the difference?
28:35-28:36
Punishment is looking back.
28:37-28:38
Punishment is looking back.
28:38-28:39
You did wrong!
28:40-28:43
Now you're going to hurt because of the wrong that you did.
28:43-28:45
That's looking back at a past offense.
28:46-28:48
But see, correction is looking to the future.
28:48-28:54
I'm disciplining you now because you can't grow up carrying this kind of attitude.
28:56-29:02
Your disrespect now for the authority in your life, whether it's your parents or your teacher.
29:04-29:30
forward to when that's disrespect for a police officer or your boss. Talk about that more in a few minutes. But you see the difference? Listen to the difference in these statements. "I told you not to do it, now you're gonna pay!" In the same I've had it. You're grounded.
29:32-29:35
Those are things that, typically the kinds of things that we say.
29:35-29:37
Compare statements like that to this.
29:39-29:42
Hey, we discussed what was going to happen if you disobeyed.
29:42-29:49
And you chose to disobey, so what does God expect me to do as a parent since you disobeyed?
29:50-29:52
How many times have we had that conversation in our house?
29:53-29:55
Do you understand why I have to do this?
29:55-29:57
Because God gave me a job.
29:57-30:01
and you made a wrong choice.
30:04-30:06
The discipline is about correction, not punishment.
30:07-30:09
Number three, biblical attitude.
30:11-30:13
Discipline must be God glorifying.
30:14-30:27
James 1.5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, "let him ask God who gives generously to all "without reproach and it will be given to him." You gotta get on God's agenda for discipline.
30:29-30:32
It's motivated by love for the child.
30:33-30:38
It has their correction in mind, and it's carried out in a way that glorifies God.
30:39-30:45
And when you keep that as the backdrop of discipline, you're not going to discipline wrongly.
30:47-30:52
So, biblical attitudes will make you discipline biblically.
30:54-30:55
What does it mean to discipline biblically?
30:55-30:59
Number one, I give appropriate expectations.
31:00-31:02
I give appropriate expectations.
31:06-31:08
Giving expectations ahead of time is like God.
31:10-31:15
Remember in the Garden of Eden, God clearly communicated with Adam and Eve.
31:17-31:20
You may eat off of any tree except this one.
31:21-31:24
When you eat off of this tree, dying you will die.
31:26-31:28
The point here is God very clearly communicated.
31:29-31:37
It wasn't like God put them in the garden and already had that rule sort of established, but never told them.
31:38-31:44
One day they're just like out picking fruit and eating, and God's like, "What did you do?" He was very clear on the front end.
31:45-31:49
Parents, you have to be very clear with your children.
31:50-31:54
You can't discipline them when they didn't know what was expected.
31:56-31:58
So how do I give appropriate expectations?
31:59-32:00
Got a few words down here.
32:00-32:01
Got this word down, clear.
32:03-32:03
Clear.
32:05-32:07
Meaning the child understands exactly what you expect.
32:08-32:15
Child needs to know exactly what it is, not, "Listen, I expect you to be good." Is that clear?
32:16-32:17
No, it's not clear.
32:17-32:18
What does it mean to be good?
32:20-32:23
Like, you know, don't stab anybody with a pen.
32:24-32:25
Anything other than that, I'm good.
32:27-32:28
You have to give expectations.
32:28-32:30
You're going to church and I want you to be good.
32:30-32:31
What does that mean?
32:33-32:33
Spell it out.
32:34-32:35
What your expectations are.
32:38-32:40
Another appropriate expectation, jot this word down, reasonable.
32:41-32:42
It needs to be reasonable.
32:42-32:43
Age appropriate.
32:45-32:45
Age appropriate.
32:47-32:52
You can't say to your three-year-old, Okay, we're going to church, and here's what you're gonna do.
32:53-32:59
You're gonna take legible notes on the sermon, and I will be checking them.
33:01-33:04
You're gonna get the scripture references right, and you're not gonna fidget.
33:05-33:07
Is that reasonable to expect that from a three-year-old?
33:08-33:09
Of course not.
33:10-33:13
Your expectations have to be reasonable, age appropriate.
33:14-33:17
Here's another word, drop this down under appropriate expectations.
33:18-33:18
definable.
33:19-33:22
This kind of goes with the clear thing, but definable.
33:25-33:25
Meaning this.
33:26-33:28
You tell your child, go clean your room.
33:29-33:30
Come on, parents.
33:30-33:31
We've all been there, right?
33:31-33:32
Go clean your room.
33:33-33:41
And then we go later, and their room still looks like a Toys R Us truck crashed into the side of your house.
33:46-33:48
I thought I told you to clean your room.
33:48-33:52
And your child says, I did clean my room.
33:54-33:58
Like, look, the housing authority is about to show up and condemn our house.
33:59-34:00
Like, what do you mean?
34:02-34:07
Well, obviously, your child's definition of clean and your definition of clean might be different.
34:08-34:09
So it has to be definable.
34:11-34:13
It has to be definable.
34:13-34:22
So when you tell your child to clean your room, look, I want you to pick your dirty clothes up and put them in the hamper, put the toys on the shelf, make your bed, spell it out.
34:22-34:24
That way when you go by, I cleaned my room.
34:24-34:28
No, you didn't because your bed's not made because I see dirty clothes on the floor.
34:28-34:30
See, it's definable, right?
34:33-34:37
Okay, and then appropriate expectations, one more word to write down under there, enforceable.
34:40-34:50
Enforceable, meaning your child has to know the consequences consequences for disobedience, and those consequences need to be enforceable.
34:51-34:55
Meaning, if you don't clean your room, you're grounded for the rest of your life.
34:56-35:00
Oh, come on, parents, you really don't want to ground your child for the rest of his life.
35:00-35:02
Right? Because that's going to be on you.
35:04-35:08
Or, if you don't do this, I'm going to pulverize you.
35:10-35:14
Really, disobedience is literally going to result grinding this child into powder?
35:15-35:20
No, but your child has to know, this is what's going to happen if I don't do what mom's expecting.
35:22-35:23
Appropriate expectations.
35:24-35:25
Okay, number two.
35:27-35:30
Not only do I give appropriate expectations, but number two, I follow through as soon as possible.
35:31-35:33
I follow through as soon as possible.
35:36-35:38
Ecclesiastes 8, verse 11.
35:39-35:47
Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.
35:49-35:50
Meaning this.
35:51-35:53
That's a big problem we have in our justice system.
35:54-35:58
People wait for their court date for months.
35:58-36:09
But imagine if our culture was like some other cultures in the world, where the penalty for a crime was carried out immediately.
36:11-36:11
Immediately.
36:13-36:17
You get caught committing this crime, you get caned right now.
36:19-36:21
You think that would deter crime?
36:21-36:21
Absolutely.
36:22-36:23
Like, we do this now.
36:25-36:26
We don't stretch it out.
36:27-36:29
And that's what Solomon's talking about in Ecclesiastes.
36:30-36:37
Mankind is inclined towards evil because a lot of times, they don't get the immediate consequences of doing wrong.
36:38-36:40
And that's really why we discipline.
36:40-36:49
Discipline, especially for younger children, discipline lets the child feel an immediate negative consequence for disobedience.
36:49-36:50
That's what we're doing.
36:51-36:54
We're letting them feel, I'm gonna say that again, this is a good thing to jot down.
36:55-37:01
Discipline lets the child feel an immediate negative consequence for disobedience.
37:03-37:06
So I encourage you to follow through as soon as possible.
37:08-37:16
Now when I say as soon as possible, notice I didn't say follow through immediately in that your child disobeys in public and you're trying to take care of business in public.
37:16-37:17
That's not appropriate.
37:19-37:20
Hey, when we get home, we're gonna deal with this.
37:22-37:23
It should be done in a private setting.
37:24-37:29
Number three, I discipline with proper methods.
37:32-37:33
Again, discipline takes many forms.
37:34-37:40
You and your spouse should agree ahead of time and you should carry it out unified.
37:43-37:53
For younger kids, for younger kids, a spanking is appropriate at times.
37:56-38:00
Didn't really feel like sharing this part, to be honest with you, and Aaron will tell you, I'm the worst.
38:01-38:02
I'm the worst, I am.
38:04-38:39
When it comes to spanking, our kids are getting to an age that they're, in my opinion, I think they're too old at this point. Back in the day when it was an age-appropriate thing, I remember there were times that Erin would pull me aside privately after I disciplined, and she was like, "That was pathetic! That wouldn't have hurt a fly!" I'm terrible at it. I am. I am a wimp. And I'm not standing up here saying, "Look, I I did it all perfectly.
38:40-38:42
I'm saying God's Word has answers.
38:42-38:45
Let's discover them together and let's grow together, right?
38:46-38:54
So, understand this, spanking done properly is not abusive.
38:56-39:01
Spanking done properly, properly is not abusive.
39:02-39:10
It is a loving and helpful tool that can help mold a child's character for life.
39:12-39:15
So where do we get this idea for spanking?
39:15-39:16
Well, it's all through God's Word.
39:16-39:17
Do you want some examples?
39:18-39:20
Proverbs 13:24.
39:22-39:33
It says, "Whoever spares the rod..." Look at this. "Hates his son." I don't want to spank my child.
39:34-39:35
The Bible says then you must hate him.
39:37-39:40
But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
39:41-39:50
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
39:53-39:58
Proverbs 23:13-14 It says do not withhold discipline from a child.
40:00-40:04
If you strike him with a rod, "You will not die.
40:05-40:11
If you strike Him with the rod, you will save His soul from Sheol." Like, what's Sheol?
40:11-40:13
That was just a word in the Old Testament.
40:13-40:14
It meant the grave.
40:15-40:19
It was this idea of what lies beyond when we die, what's beyond.
40:19-40:26
Because they didn't have the full revelation that we do since Christ has come and the New Testament's been written under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
40:28-40:32
But at that point in the Old Testament, they just had that word Sheol.
40:32-40:33
the place beyond the grave.
40:35-40:43
So I wanna give you some suggested steps when a spanking is appropriate, suggested steps when a spanking is appropriate, okay?
40:45-40:48
Number one, don't threaten, inform.
40:49-40:50
No repeated warnings.
40:52-40:58
Once they receive the expectations, then they are expected to obey.
40:58-41:01
And if they disobey, now we need to deal with it.
41:03-41:10
Number two, as we talked about, a lot of this is review, but I don't want to, please, I don't want anybody to mishear me on anything here.
41:10-41:11
This is so important.
41:13-41:16
It could be an absolute tragedy if you mishear any of this.
41:16-41:17
So please pay attention.
41:20-41:23
Number two, make sure the offense has been committed.
41:24-41:24
Okay?
41:24-41:26
Not flying off the handle, you're going to get it.
41:27-41:27
Verify.
41:29-41:30
Has the offense been committed?
41:31-41:33
Number three, go to a private setting.
41:33-41:35
I encourage you to pray on the way.
41:36-41:37
You don't want to do this in anger.
41:37-41:39
You want to do this motivated by love.
41:40-41:41
Go to a private setting.
41:42-41:43
Number four, review.
41:44-41:44
Review.
41:45-41:47
As we talked about, you sit down with your child.
41:47-41:48
Okay, what was expected?
41:50-41:51
And what did you do?
41:53-41:54
And what should you have done?
41:57-41:58
Okay, who chose to do wrong?
42:00-42:04
Okay, so what does the Bible tell me to do as your parent when you disobey?
42:05-42:09
Have your child understand you're not hitting them because you're mad at them.
42:12-42:15
Look, I don't want to do this.
42:17-42:19
God tells me I need to do this to help you.
42:21-42:23
Number five, have the child assume the position.
42:26-42:29
children might be across the lap or maybe bent over the bed.
42:31-42:35
I encourage you to use a rod or a whapper.
42:36-42:44
There's actually a company that sells these little whappers that aren't going to do any damage.
42:44-42:46
Just enough to get the child's attention.
42:47-42:53
But use something, not a cattle prod, but use something, not your hand.
42:55-43:00
The child must associate the discipline with the tool, not with your hand.
43:01-43:06
That's why, did you notice in Proverbs, every time the rod, the rod, the rod, the rod, the rod, why the rod?
43:07-43:10
It was a tool of discipline, not dad.
43:11-43:12
Okay?
43:14-43:22
Use your wrist to administer predetermined number of spanks, not a full arm swing.
43:25-43:28
And you place them firmly on the child's hindquarters, okay?
43:29-43:32
Not their back, not their legs, not across the face.
43:35-43:39
And number seven, let the child regain composure.
43:39-43:44
Discuss again the reason for the spanking and assess if there's a change of direction.
43:45-43:47
Okay, what are we gonna do next time?
43:48-43:50
You understand what you did wrong, so what are we gonna do next time?
43:51-43:53
Number eight, encourage the child.
43:55-43:56
Encourage the child.
43:57-43:59
Say, "Do you understand what you did wrong?
44:00-44:11
Do you understand?" They should have before the spanking, but circling back, getting this lesson cemented, "Look, Daddy doesn't like spanking you, but I have to when you disobey.
44:11-44:12
You can do better.
44:12-44:18
We're going to make a better choice next time." Let there be a time of encouragement.
44:19-44:22
Look, we're going to move on from this, we're going to do better.
44:24-44:30
Number nine, tell the child to apologize to the appropriate person if applicable.
44:31-44:41
Meaning, if you need to apologize to your mom or to your brother, something we've done in our house, we've had Kade write letters of apology to his teacher.
44:43-44:47
We've had some pretty serious offenses at school with striking teachers out of anger.
44:50-44:51
So we've had Kate write a letter.
44:51-44:52
You're going to sit down and you're going to write a letter.
44:53-44:53
You're going to apologize.
44:53-44:54
You're going to say what you did.
44:55-44:56
You're going to say why it was wrong.
44:56-44:58
You're going to ask for forgiveness.
44:58-45:04
And you're going to say, "I'm not going to do it again." And finally, give your child a hug.
45:06-45:07
Pray for change.
45:08-45:10
Pray for change. Pray with the child.
45:10-45:23
Let's just stop right now and pray, "God, help me to do better next time." Your child is inevitably going to have to face discipline somewhere.
45:24-45:30
I don't like talking about this stuff either, but we don't pick and choose, right?
45:30-45:34
And the truth is your child is going to have to face discipline somewhere.
45:35-45:38
Your child is going to face discipline at school for goofing off.
45:38-45:41
Your child is going to face discipline at work for being late.
45:41-45:46
Your child is going to be disciplined by the police, getting pulled over for speeding or whatever.
45:47-45:59
The most important place, the best place for your child to experience discipline is under your loving and watchful care.
46:01-46:37
Because an ounce, an ounce from you now is going to be worth far more than a pound someone else later that's what we tell Kade you can't hit your teacher why what's going to happen in a few years if you're out somewhere and a police officer tells you to knock something off and you go up and hit the cop what's going to happen I don't see prevention now worth far more than a pound for mothers later. So that's it. Our series is over.
46:39-46:42
But our work continues.
46:44-46:57
The word parent is both a noun and a verb. Noun, it's automatic. When you have a child, you You are a parent.
46:58-47:02
But to parent - that is a verb, and that is not going to happen automatically.
47:03-47:13
By God's grace, in His power, by His Word, we are called to be parenting on purpose.
47:15-47:18
The target - the heart.
47:19-47:22
The team must be united.
47:24-47:30
The teaching must be consistent, or constant, excuse me, the turnaround.
47:31-47:32
That must be consistent.
47:34-47:38
Father in Heaven, give us wisdom, God.
47:39-47:46
Today we just barely scratched the surface on a subject that, God, You know the struggles I've had.
47:48-47:56
Either doing something out of anger I'm not doing something because I don't know what to do.
47:58-47:59
Too much or too little.
48:00-48:02
No teaching, no expectations, God.
48:02-48:02
You know.
48:04-48:05
You know how I've blown it.
48:07-48:10
But I thank You, God, that Your Word is so clear.
48:12-48:19
And I thank You for Your grace because I'm sure there are some brothers and sisters in this room that would stand up here and say the same thing right now.
48:20-48:22
I haven't always done it the way that I need to.
48:24-48:25
Today's a new day.
48:27-48:28
Today we know.
48:30-48:32
Today we've seen what your Word has to say.
48:33-48:40
And God, we are crying out to you for your Holy Spirit to empower us, to guide us, for your Holy Spirit to make this happen.
48:41-48:45
That your Holy Spirit would grant us patience.
48:48-48:51
The Holy Spirit would grant us self-control.
48:52-48:59
We know that these are fruit of the Spirit and these are things that we especially need when it comes to discipline.
49:01-49:20
Father, as we move on from this series, I pray that there are some lessons that we're taking with us, that every one of us who have children would see them as that arrow that needs straightened, that needs cut right, that we would redeem the time.
49:22-49:23
Thank you for being a perfect Father.
49:26-49:26
Give us wisdom.
49:29-49:31
We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.
Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read various passages from sermon
What are some wrong ideas of discipline you’ve heard? What makes them wrong
What’s the Biblical purpose of discipline? How does this reflect the character of God? How does this affect how you should go about it?
Give reasons why you should never discipline in anger.
How do you know when you disciplined your child properly? What are the signs you see from your child?
Breakout Questions:
Pray for God’s wisdom for yourself, and other parents, in administering Biblical Discipline.
