The Target: Your Child’s Heart
Intro:
READY? Three Reality Checks that Must Shape Biblical Parenting:
- Your Relationship with Christ is Priority #1.
1 Corinthians 2:14 - But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.
- Your Child is a Little Sinner.
Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Review: Romans 5 - The Bible is the Source of Authority.
AIM...! My Mission is to Make Disciples of My Children:
What Does it Mean to Disciple Your Children? (Deuteronomy 6:4-13)
- Worship
- Walk
- Work
FIRE! Go for the Heart.
4 Wrong Things to Go After:
- Your comfort
- Your child's happiness
- Applause for yourself
- Applause for you child
TEAR DOWN IDOLS - (Rom 8:19)
Mark 7:21-22 - For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.
LIFT UP CHRIST
Five Things to Teach and Model about Christlike-ness:
- Teach them to Serve.
Isaiah 52:13 - Behold, My servant will prosper, He will be high and lifted up, and greatly exalted.
- Teach them to be Submissive.
Luke 2:51 - And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth; and He continued in subjection to them.
- Teach them to Seek.
Luke 19:10 - For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.
- Teach them to be Sanctified.
John 17:4 - I glorified you [God the Father] on earth.
- Teach them to Suffer.
1 Peter 1:2-3 - And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.
Psalm 127:3-5 - Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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00:00-00:10
Now if you're visiting with us, typically at Harvest Bible Chapel, we do what's called expository preaching, meaning we take a book of the Bible and we go through verse by verse.
00:10-00:13
And this year we're going through the book of Acts.
00:14-00:17
But we take breaks, and we're going to be taking a break the next four weeks.
00:17-00:22
Not an expository sermon like in Acts, but we're going to be doing what's called a topical series.
00:22-00:32
We're picking a topic and we're going to be going through the Bible and seeing what the Bible has to say in different places throughout the Word of God about this subject.
00:33-00:36
And our series is called Parenting on Purpose.
00:38-00:42
And I know as soon as we say parenting, immediately it opens up for debate.
00:43-00:49
Because there's opinions from doctors and psychologists and the way your neighbor does it.
00:49-00:56
And I promise you, if we went around the room here, there's going to be some people that are going to say, My parents did everything right.
00:58-01:10
And there's going to be some that say, "My parents did everything wrong." There's magazines, there's ministries, there's websites, there's seminars devoted to the subject.
01:11-01:13
But here's the bottom line about parenting.
01:13-01:13
You ready?
01:14-01:22
You ask anybody who's a parent and who's been a parent for more than 36 hours, they're going to tell you this is true.
01:22-01:27
When it comes to parenting, everybody is an expert until they have kids.
01:28-01:30
True or false? True.
01:31-01:34
Everybody's an expert until they have kids.
01:35-01:38
I know that was true for Aaron and I. We were experts.
01:39-01:42
Remember Aaron, before we had kids, we used to have this conversation.
01:44-01:46
Our kids will not be sitting in front of the TV.
01:47-01:50
Our kids will not be wasting their day away sitting in front of the TV.
01:51-01:59
Our children will play with Legos and chemistry sets and do scholarly things, and they will be at the library.
02:00-02:02
And we will not use the TV as a babysitter.
02:05-02:06
Oh, yes, Evan, that's what we're saying now.
02:08-02:11
Because you fast forward in our lives from that point.
02:11-02:13
You fast forward a dozen years.
02:14-02:16
We're just like, oh, go watch something on TV.
02:17-02:18
Go!
02:18-02:19
Anything!
02:20-02:30
"Oh, everybody's an expert until they have kids." And, "Oh, I could tell you stories of how this former parenting expert has failed.
02:33-02:36
I could tell you the story of being new in town.
02:37-02:42
And we're going to be meeting in this facility." So I got to know the preacher next door, John Price.
02:42-02:44
Loved the man. Great pastor. Loved the guy.
02:44-03:33
And he's like, "Hey, our church is having a picnic." And we're like, "Great! That'll be so much fun." we're going to a picnic. And I'm like, you know, we're going to get to meet a local pastor and going to get to meet the people, so let's put on our best faces. And we were doing really good meeting people, group of strangers at the picnic, until Aaron and I looked over in the yard, and there are, okay, this was, so this would have been six years ago. So there were both of our boys standing in the lawn at Covenant with their pants around their ankles, urinating on the lawn, with Cade hollering over his shoulder, "Look, Mom, we're making a P-Cross!" Let me tell you, those people at Covenant are very gracious, because they still talk to us.
03:35-04:05
And I've told you stories before about our veterinarian friend taking us to Living Treasures, local zoo up north near Newcastle, and going into the bird enclosure where my younger son at the time very absent-mindedly unintentionally stomped a cockatiel to death. That might be funny for you but I had to go back and explain to the people why one of their birds was dead. I felt horrible.
04:05-04:18
The lady working there said, "Why do you feel horrible?" and I said, "Because usually when I take my family to the zoo we don't murder the animals." I could tell stories about waking up and finding that our dog's chest was painted pink.
04:21-04:45
And all just when we think we have a very Brady family. I remember it was last year, I'm sorry, two years ago. We had a guest speaker in town and we were sort of hosting him and his family. And I remember Sunday night Aaron and I sat down on the couch with Cade. Can you picture this? We're sitting on the couch So we put Cade between us and I put my arm around him.
04:45-04:49
And we had this just very heartwarming family chat.
04:50-04:55
And I said, Cade, I want you to know-- I know there's a lot of stuff happening this weekend with the guest preacher in town.
04:55-04:57
And I just want you to know I'm very proud of you.
04:58-04:59
You really did a great job.
04:59-05:02
And Aaron said, yeah, Cade, you really did a great job.
05:02-05:04
You were really proud.
05:04-05:05
You listened.
05:06-05:08
And we know we had to run around a lot.
05:08-05:09
And you really handled it well.
05:10-05:12
So Cade, we're very proud of you.
05:13-05:21
We said, "Well, one thing you need to work on, this is a little thing, but one thing you need to work on, you know, when adults are talking, you don't want to interrupt the adults when they're talking.
05:21-05:24
That's a little thing, it happened a couple times, but we're going to do better.
05:25-05:33
But look, hey, overall, overall, Kate, we are very proud of you." Put our arm around him, kissed him on the head.
05:35-06:02
"All right, buddy, it's time for bed." I remember Cade walking towards the steps and he got on that bottom landing and he turned and very quietly and very straightforwardly looked over his shoulder and said there in an eye, "Yeah, well, you both can stick it." You're like, "Why are you telling us these horrible stories?" Here's why I'm telling you these stories.
06:02-06:04
I don't have the parenting thing figured out either.
06:06-06:09
I'd be doing something for almost 12 years that I'd be good at it.
06:10-06:15
My point is, these guys didn't come with instruction manuals.
06:16-06:19
We have the Word of God to guide us, and that's what we're turning to.
06:20-06:22
But honestly, any one of us could stand up here.
06:22-06:26
Any one of us that have kids could stand up here and tell stories about the times that we blew it, right?
06:26-06:27
Right?
06:28-06:30
I'm just saying, none of us have it all figured out.
06:31-06:33
Did you see in the news last week?
06:33-06:34
Did you see the thing with the two-year-old twins?
06:35-07:24
see that? The two-year-old twins were like, they had like the nanny cam and they were climbing on the dresser, you know, and did you see this? How many people saw that? And the dresser falls back, boom, and crushes one of the twins and the other twin's like, you know, like Popeye, like da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and he picks up the dresser and the other twin kind of scrambles out from under it. And I saw that on the news and the first thing I did was I looked it up online. Kid's fine, by the way, in case you didn't see the whole think it's fine it was a herculean effort but I looked it up online not because I'm sadistic and want to see the video again in fact I didn't want to see the video again because it's hard to watch. What I wanted to see were the comments section underneath the video because I was preparing for this series right and I knew exactly what I was going to find and I was not disappointed you know what I found?
07:26-07:45
comment after comment after comment after comment after comment of What irresponsible parents? All these comments berating this mother for leaving the kids alone.
07:45-07:49
Oh, we are mighty keyboard warriors, aren't we? Do we know the whole story?
07:49-07:53
Maybe the mother ran to the kitchen for two minutes to get their food. Maybe that happened.
07:54-07:57
Maybe the mother had to stop into the bathroom for a second. Maybe that happened.
07:57-08:05
We don't know the story, but we're so quick to get online and criticize other people's parenting when we don't have the whole story.
08:05-08:07
But the truth is none of us have it all figured out.
08:08-08:15
Okay, none of us are perfect, but what we want to do, what we're covering this month, we want to parent on purpose.
08:16-08:21
We're not going to use our failures as an excuse to not be intentional.
08:24-08:26
Because raising children is not going to happen by accident.
08:27-08:40
You're not going to go to bed and wake up in 18 years, and your child's going to be this perfect citizen of the United States, this perfect disciple of Jesus Christ, this perfect ambassador of the Kingdom of Heaven.
08:40-08:42
It's not going to happen by accident.
08:46-08:54
So this week, by way of introduction, the target - we are going after the target, which is your child's heart.
08:55-08:59
simply for today by way of outline structure, very simple.
09:01-09:23
It's a familiar slogan that Dan and Alicia Thompson have adopted for our student ministry, for our youth group, and so I texted Dan, I'm like, "This is just too appropriate for what we're going to be talking about today, so I'm going to be using some of the same terminology." So here you go in your outline, "Ready, aim, fire." Ready, aim, fire.
09:24-09:27
First of all, ready. Talk about ready.
09:27-09:30
These are three reality checks that must shape biblical parenting.
09:30-09:37
This is like introduction for the whole series, but these are three realities that we can't go any further until we address this.
09:38-09:41
Okay? And number one is this.
09:42-09:45
Your relationship with Christ is priority number one.
09:46-09:48
We're going to be talking about parenting biblically.
09:49-09:55
In order for that to happen, You need to be born again.
09:57-10:04
You can't just take these principles and think that you're going to apply God's Word in your own strength and power.
10:04-10:05
It can't happen.
10:06-10:09
This has to flow out of your relationship with Christ.
10:10-10:21
1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them they are spiritually appraised.
10:22-10:27
Meaning this, if you want to biblically parent your child, you have to be a follower of Jesus Christ yourself.
10:27-10:29
That needs to be number one.
10:29-10:39
So if you're here and you're like, "Well, I'm not really a Christian, but I thought I might learn a couple..." You might learn a couple interesting tidbits, but you're not going to be able to biblically parent your child in your own power.
10:41-10:45
"Not by might or by power, but by my spirit," says the Lord.
10:45-10:48
This has to be a spiritual thing.
10:49-10:52
So, your relationship with Christ is priority number one.
10:53-10:57
Second reality check, your child is a little sinner.
10:59-11:01
I am sorry to break that to you.
11:03-11:04
Have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?
11:05-11:11
Romans 3.23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Your child was born a sinner.
11:13-11:14
Like, well, that's not very nice.
11:14-11:17
Look, your child's a sinner because you are, by nature.
11:18-11:28
Romans chapter 5 says that when Adam brought sin into the world, he passed it down generation to generation to generation, that you were born a sinner because your parents are sinners.
11:29-11:31
Okay, you don't talk about my mama that way.
11:31-11:35
Well, hang on, your mama's a sinner because her parents are sinners.
11:36-11:37
It traces all the way back to Adam and Eve.
11:38-11:40
So we're all born with this sin nature.
11:40-11:45
We're all born with this bent to do the wrong thing, to do the selfish thing.
11:45-11:53
And I feel like I'm trying to sell you on this, But the truth is, if you're here and you have kids, you don't need convinced of that.
11:54-11:59
If you have kids, I don't need to sell you on the fact that your child is a sinner.
12:01-12:03
Because children are inherently selfish.
12:03-12:07
Children inherently lie and sneak and cheat.
12:08-12:10
And children are just inherently selfish.
12:10-12:11
Who taught them to be selfish?
12:11-12:12
I know the parents.
12:12-12:15
I've been at the hospital when you've had your babies.
12:15-12:21
I've had the joy of holding these precious babies in this church, being one of the first on the scene.
12:21-12:22
That's one of the great things about being a pastor, right?
12:23-12:29
Because I get to be one of the first on the scene to see these new babies, but the truth is, brand new little sinners.
12:32-12:33
Hey, look, I love them, they're beautiful.
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I love them, and I know you love them.
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But biblically, they are little sinners.
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And they're going to sin.
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The infant that won't sleep unless he's held.
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The toddler who won't share his toys.
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The teenager who won't clean his room.
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Sinners!
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Number three, reality check.
12:58-13:00
The Bible is the source of authority.
13:01-13:03
Okay, your relationship with Christ is priority one.
13:03-13:04
Your child's a little sinner.
13:05-13:07
And as we go through this series, the Bible is the source of authority.
13:08-13:10
Everyone has a source of authority, right?
13:10-13:13
experience, pop culture, expert opinions themselves.
13:14-13:17
Like we talked about when we went through marriage.
13:17-13:19
Marriage is God's thing in God's way.
13:20-13:21
Right?
13:21-13:23
Do God's thing in God's way.
13:23-13:23
Same with parenting.
13:25-13:28
Parenting your children, discipling your children, that's God's thing.
13:28-13:29
Do it God's way.
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OK, so that's ready.
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Aim.
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Aim.
13:33-13:37
My mission is to make disciples of my children.
13:37-13:38
You've got to have a plan.
13:40-13:41
You've got to have a plan.
13:43-13:47
Okay, so the Lord has entrusted this life to you, so what do you do with it?
13:49-13:50
You've got to have a plan.
13:52-14:00
And biblically, the plan - biblically, the responsibility that you have been entrusted is to make disciples of your children.
14:02-14:05
Somebody says, "Wait a second, that's why I take my kids to church.
14:05-14:08
Isn't that the church's job?" No, it is not the church's job.
14:08-14:11
It is not the church's job to disciple your children.
14:13-14:13
We love your children.
14:14-14:18
We want to assist you in discipling your own children.
14:19-14:22
But it is not the church's job to replace the parents.
14:23-14:24
Okay, God gave those kids to you.
14:25-14:26
And God's entrusting you.
14:27-14:28
And God's equipping you.
14:28-14:32
And God's going to use the church to come alongside of you.
14:33-14:34
But it is not our job.
14:36-14:41
to the parent that thinks, "Well, I drop my kids off at Sunday school or harvest kids.
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My kids go there." Mandy will take care of it.
14:44-14:46
It is not Mandy's job to disciple your kids.
14:47-14:49
Mandy's got her own kids to disciple.
14:51-14:53
We want to help you.
14:53-14:55
And we give assistance.
14:55-14:57
We come alongside.
14:57-14:58
And there's take-home sheets.
14:58-15:04
And we use this time while we're getting into the Word here to take your kids and teach them some things about the Word of God.
15:04-15:07
That is not a replacement for your job.
15:08-15:10
You must disciple your own children.
15:11-15:12
That's your job.
15:13-15:23
And I have to say this, on the front end of this sermon series, please hear me, because this could be the hardest thing.
15:24-15:27
But you cannot guarantee that your child will follow Christ.
15:28-15:29
You can't guarantee that.
15:30-15:31
Oh, I wish that you could.
15:32-15:33
I wish that you could.
15:34-15:43
I wish it were as easy as, "Look, church, just do these three simple steps and your child will be a follower of Christ." The truth is that kid has a will of his own.
15:43-15:46
She's going to grow up and have a will of her own.
15:47-15:51
And she needs to make a personal decision to follow Jesus Christ herself.
15:52-15:56
Your child's not going to heaven because you are a follower of Jesus Christ.
15:58-16:03
And you can't guarantee that your child's going to follow Christ.
16:04-16:09
I know some of the most wonderful people that have kids that have nothing to do with the Lord.
16:11-16:19
And I know people that frankly don't give a rip about God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, the church, or anything, and they've got kids that are missionaries.
16:21-16:26
Okay, so it's not like we're giving you a recipe on how to bake a cake.
16:26-16:29
Or these ingredients in the pan, throw it in the oven and pull it out and ta-da.
16:29-16:30
It's not like that.
16:33-16:47
With all that said, God has given you the authority and the assignment to teach and model what it means to follow Jesus, also known as making disciples.
16:48-16:51
We're not going to turn there today, but I want you to turn later.
16:53-16:54
Deuteronomy chapter 6.
16:54-16:57
You see this even under the Old Testament law.
16:58-17:02
was showing Old Testament Israel, you must disciple your kids.
17:04-17:06
What does it mean to disciple your children?
17:07-17:19
On Harvest Bible Chapel, we define a disciple of Jesus Christ as someone who genuinely does these three things - worships Christ, walks with Christ, and works for Christ.
17:20-17:22
Okay, and you see all three of those things in Deuteronomy 6.
17:24-17:28
walk with the Lord God, and work for the Lord God.
17:28-17:29
Serve Him.
17:30-17:32
That's what it means to disciple your children.
17:33-17:37
To teach your children a reverence, the fear of the Lord.
17:37-17:40
What it means to have that reverence for God.
17:41-17:44
It means to have your children love the church.
17:44-17:46
Why? Because Christ loves the church.
17:47-17:55
And God has chosen the church be the place where disciples are made, where truth is dispensed.
17:58-18:11
Discipling your children means teaching them what it means to be a part of a church, involved in whether it's youth group in earlier years, growing up into a small group, what it means to be a part of a community of believers.
18:13-18:16
You need to teach your children why that's important.
18:18-18:25
You know, our small groups, every one of our small groups are involved in some type of a community outreach and our church as a whole will take mission trips.
18:26-18:27
Your kids need to be on those trips.
18:28-18:33
Because you need to disciple your kids, that the world doesn't revolve around them.
18:33-18:36
We are here to serve our Creator.
18:38-18:42
Modeling reverence for God and a servant attitude for your church.
18:42-18:45
Discipling your children. You have to have that as your aim.
18:47-18:49
Okay, so ready? We have the reality checks.
18:49-18:51
Aim. We know the mission, right?
18:51-18:52
Everybody clear on the mission?
18:53-18:55
We're called to make disciples of our kids.
18:55-19:01
How foolish would we be if we come to church and we're like, "Jesus told us to make disciples," and we're neglecting that in our own home?
19:03-19:03
Fire.
19:05-19:06
Here's where we're going to land today.
19:06-19:07
Go for the heart.
19:09-19:13
So the aim is to make disciples, but the question is how do I make disciples of my children?
19:16-19:18
Here's your big takeaway from today.
19:19-19:20
You've got to go for the heart.
19:21-19:23
Got to go for the heart.
19:25-19:26
Like as opposed to what?
19:26-19:27
Well, jot this down.
19:27-19:28
Here's four wrong things to go after.
19:29-19:31
Four wrong things to go after.
19:31-19:34
I've been guilty of this at times, and you have been guilty of this at times.
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So don't you sit there while I go through this list and wag your head at me.
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Like, oh, Pastor Jeff is so incompetent.
19:40-19:41
You've done these things too.
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Everybody say amen.
19:45-19:46
Okay, thank you.
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You're not just saying that because I told you to say that, right?
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This is serious business.
19:55-20:00
And we want to take it seriously, but let's just be real about it.
20:01-20:10
I just would hate anybody to leave here going like, "Man, I'm an awesome parent, and maybe I should be teaching this series." Because we've all been here.
20:10-20:12
Four wrong things to go after.
20:13-20:16
Number one, is your comfort.
20:18-20:20
That's a wrong thing to go after in parenting.
20:20-20:22
And a lot of parents go after that.
20:22-20:22
What do I mean?
20:22-20:24
I just want peace and quiet.
20:24-20:25
I don't have time for this.
20:25-20:26
I have work to do.
20:27-20:28
You deal with it, Mom.
20:29-20:30
You deal with it.
20:30-20:34
And when you do that, all you really care about at that point is your comfort.
20:36-20:38
Your child is just an annoyance to you.
20:39-20:46
So instead of going after growing them, even when it's inconvenient for you, You're more concerned about your comfort.
20:48-20:49
That's a wrong thing to go after.
20:52-20:55
Second, this is probably the biggest.
20:57-21:00
Going to step on some toes here, but this is a wrong thing to go after.
21:00-21:02
Number two is your child's happiness.
21:04-21:05
That is a wrong thing to go after.
21:07-21:09
I just want my kids to be happy.
21:10-21:11
I just want my kids to be happy.
21:11-21:12
Look, I want my kids to be happy, too.
21:12-21:13
I do.
21:14-21:15
I want my kids to be happy.
21:17-21:23
But I can't do that at the expense of spoiling them to think that, again, the whole world revolves around them.
21:25-21:28
Parents say, well, I can't do that.
21:28-21:29
He might cry.
21:31-21:32
I can't do that to him.
21:32-21:32
He might cry.
21:33-21:38
Your kid's happiness has become more important to you than teaching your child something.
21:40-21:42
And a parent come to me years and years ago.
21:44-21:45
She was beside herself.
21:45-21:49
She goes, my teenage son was looking at stuff on the computer that he shouldn't be looking at.
21:49-21:50
What should I do?
21:50-21:52
I said, where's his computer?
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She goes, in his room.
21:55-21:58
Like, we go in his room, and he's yanked the computer from the wall.
21:59-22:00
And you say, you're done with the computer.
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And she's, well, I can't do that.
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All of the sudden, we're more concerned about the kid's happiness than the fact that he's on a path of destruction.
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A lot of us are there, church.
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You're more concerned for your child's happiness.
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Number three, and we're all guilty of this one too, number three, applause for yourself.
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Meaning, what you're after, not really discipling your child, you just want other people to think that you're doing a good job.
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It's kind of like what Alex was saying about putting the empty offering envelope in.
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Like, I want people to think I'm giving, but I'm not really giving.
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But I want the appearance of-- People do that with their kids all the time, right?
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I just want other people to think I'm a great parent.
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Don't you embarrass me!
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I have to look like a good parent.
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And the next thing you know, they're peeing on the lawn of the church.
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That's a bad thing to go after, applause for yourself.
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Something freeing and confessing these things to you because that's sort of taking that off the table for me.
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I know that nobody's going to applaud me as a parent after this message.
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Here's number four, a wrong thing to go after, applause for your child.
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Applause for your child. I just want my daughter to be popular.
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I just want my son to have friends.
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And I let him do these things because I don't want him to appear to be a nerd or whatever.
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Now all of a sudden we're more concerned about what the other kids think about your kid than what God thinks about the way you're trying to disciple your kid.
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That's not a good approach.
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Our approach must go for the heart, Christ-centered.
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Listen to this.
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With a view of who they are going to be in 20 years, and where they're going to spend eternity.
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You need to think about your child with a view of who he or she is going to be in 20 years, and where they're going to spend eternity.
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That has to include both correction and instruction.
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This is what we're going to close with today.
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In other words, I want you to think about it this way.
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As a parent, discipling your kids, going for the hearts, You need to tear down idols, and you need to exalt Christ.
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Let's talk about tearing down idols for a second.
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Like, what are you talking about?
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Well, we talk about tearing down idols, what I mean is, often when we parent, we just look at the actions that our children are doing, and we want to correct the actions.
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There's a problem with that.
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We're dealing with a human being, not an animal.
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If you're just looking at actions actions, that's how you train dogs, okay? My dog does certain things not because of morality, not because of thoughts of God, or he's just like, "This is what I've been taught to do. This action is right, this action is wrong." There's no getting to the heart. I really don't care about where his heart is. I just want him to know this action's right, this action's wrong. Well, you can't take that approach with your children. These are eternal beings with the image of God stamped on So there should be some regard of righteousness, of pleasing God, of "Is God noticing my actions?" It's going to the heart.
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Obviously by heart we mean the thoughts, attitudes, emotions, motivations, will, conscience.
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But the Bible talks about the heart, it's not just talking about the pumping blood thing, right?
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You know that.
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talking about your innermost being, who you are at the core.
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We tear down idols, meaning this, when there's disobedience on your child's part, when there's disobedience, we need to determine what idol at that moment is more important than following the God-given authority that you have as parents.
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And it's determining the underlying desires behind wrong actions, it's going to help parents know the appropriate correction for the situation. Meaning this, your child disobeys in some area. As parents, we need to learn to get to the heart, not just look at the action, but get to the heart by asking questions like, "What was he thinking when he did that? What was she wanting more than anything else in that moment? What was the heart motivation? Now, I said not to do this, and then they immediately went out and did it. What prompted that action?
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Parents need to ask these types of questions because here it is, Jesus said that actions come from the hearts. Remember Mark chapter 7, verses 21, 22, Jesus said, "For from within, of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornication, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of covening and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness." Jesus said the evil actions come out of an evil heart.
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So as parents, we need to try to get to the heart of the matter.
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What does that look like?
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Well, for example, let's say you have a rule in your house.
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You say, look, you're not allowed to play Xbox until all your homework is done.
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And then you come home and your kid's playing Xbox.
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And you say, do you have your homework done?
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And he says, no.
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Okay, now we have a problem.
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He knew the rule was clearly defined, but he's clearly not following these guidelines.
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So as a parent, it's our job to get to the root of why that's happening.
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What are some possible reasons?
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You see, it's not just - sometimes we just assume it's one thing, but it's not always one thing, is it?
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One reason might be rebellion.
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I know you said that, and I don't care.
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rebellion and that shows you the level of what you need to deal with that. For some, and I think this happens a lot in our house, some of it is just forgetfulness. Did you remember the rule? Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. Okay, then maybe that shows you how you need to address the situation. For some it just might be distraction. Oh, I know you said that, but I just got this game and I love this game so much and I just, I just, going to show you how you need to deal with the disobedience.
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Because sometimes as parents, we have a hammer.
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And we treat every problem like it's a nail, like one size fits all.
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Everything the child does is rebellion.
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And that's not always the case.
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And we squash it sometimes overly harshly, because we haven't taken the time to motivate what's happening in the heart.
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I heard somebody say this one time years ago and it always stuck with me, it was before I even had kids, and it always stuck with me and it came to mind here.
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It's so appropriate, I want to share it with you because sometimes as parents, we lose our minds over foolishness and we ignore rebellion.
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What I mean is this, and I've been guilty of this, your kid's carrying a cup of milk or whatever and drops it.
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How many of us have lost our minds over that?
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"Oh, you clumsy, oh come on, I just cleaned up." We just lose our minds over that.
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But then later on that same kid can be flagrantly rebellious.
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Like, I'm not doing that, that's stupid.
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And we just kind of laugh it off.
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Oh, kids will be kids.
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When the truth is, this should be the opposite.
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Shouldn't there be grace and overlooking accidents and dealing directly with rebellion?
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Sometimes we have a tendency to do the opposite.
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We ignore rebellion and lose our minds over childishness or over a mistake.
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That's something I've had to catch myself doing, honestly.
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Something will happen in the home, and the first thing I have to think of-- wait, wait, wait, hang on.
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Before I fly off the handle again, was this an accident?
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Did he mean to do that?
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Did he draw a line in the sand, and is he challenging me?
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Or was this just a simple mistake?
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Parents, you need to get to the heart.
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What is it in your child's life-- and it can change from moment to moment-- What is it that's causing the disobedience?
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That's an idol that needs to be torn down.
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You need to determine what that idol is.
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So you tear down the idols and what do you do instead?
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You lift up Christ.
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Lift up Christ.
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You know, God's goal for every believer is Romans 8.29.
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He wants us to be conformed into the image of his Son.
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And discipling our children means teaching them.
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Teaching them what it means to be like Jesus Christ.
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What does that look like on your outline?
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I'm gonna go through these very quickly.
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Five things to teach and model about Christlikeness.
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You wanna teach your kids about Christ?
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You wanna teach your kids what it means to be an imitator of Christ?
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Here's five things.
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And honestly, we could probably do 5,000 things, but I was trying to get like big categories here, right?
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Five things to teach and model about Christlikeness.
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Number one, teach them to serve.
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Teach your kids to serve.
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Isaiah 52, Jesus Christ the Messiah is called a servant.
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And Jesus even said, you know, what is it?
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Luke 19, he says, "The Son of Man didn't come to be served, but to serve." You need to teach your kids what it means to serve.
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Teach them to serve.
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Number two, teach them to be submissive.
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Isn't it interesting?
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The only story we have about Jesus as a kid, the only story, is from Luke chapter 2, it says, you remember the story, they're like the caravan leaving town, and like, "Hey, where's Jesus?" And they like left him.
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They went and found him, teaching the teachers in the synagogue.
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Like, what are you doing?
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And Jesus said, "Father's business, right?" But it says, "He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them." The only story we have about Jesus as a kid was obeying His parents.
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Right now, there's some kids sitting there like, "Oh gosh, I hate that story." It's true.
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The only story we have about Jesus as a kid listening to his parents. And I would suggest to you if there was ever anybody that didn't have to listen to their earthly parents, it would have been him, right? Like, "Hey, I'm God in the flesh. Basically, you do what I tell you." He would have been in his rights to say that, I suppose, but he didn't. He willingly put himself under the authority of his parents as part of the humiliation of the Incarnation, in a way I don't quite understand, but he did. He Jesus listened to his parents.
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You need to teach your kids.
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Teach them to be submissive to, not just parents, but authorities at school, law enforcement, government.
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We are people that should live a lifestyle of submitting to the authorities that God places over us.
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Number three, teach them to seek.
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all "S" words here, teach them to seek.
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Seek what?
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Well, like Jesus, remember Luke 19.10?
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"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." You need to teach your kids to seek after the lost, seek after the hurting, seek after the people that they can help, seek after the down and out, seek after the lesser of these.
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Because that was Jesus' whole ministry.
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Jesus wasn't howling around with the world leaders as you would expect God to do if he was... Jesus was known as a friend of sinners. Jesus came and hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes and the worst of the worst from society's perspective. Those are the very people that Jesus sought out. As kids we kind of grow up and we get this idea of, "I don't hang around the yucky people and that kid at school is from a bad neighborhood or whatever." We need to teach our kids that that's the kid at school that you need to befriend. That's the kid at school you need to look after, you need to reach out to. Teach him to seek.
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You want to teach your kid to be like Jesus, right? Number four, teach him to be sanctified Jesus said I glorified you referring to God the Father on earth the sanctified just means set apart right and Jesus was his whole life was set apart about the glory of God and we talked about teaching our children to be sanctified what I mean is teach your children that it's not okay to have compartments in your life meaning well this is how I act in church this is how I act around church people, but when I'm with my friends, this is how I act, and this is how I talk, and when I'm with these people, this is how I act. And adults do this, right? We have compartments. You say things to your buddies and do things with your buddies that you would never do in church or in small group. And while that's different, we sort of become different people in different scenarios, and being sanctified means I'm set apart for God. I'm glorifying God in my small group with my buddies in the church, at work, wherever I'm at. Jesus totally saw that. Everything was about being set apart for God. No compartments. Why just have like this one little thing that's not for God? That wasn't Jesus' attitude. Like I'm mostly, I'm mostly like about advancing the kingdom, but on Saturdays, on Saturdays it's about let loose, right? That wasn't Jesus. Teach them to be sanctified. Teach them what it means, living for God's glory every area of life. And number five, this could be the best thing you teach your kids about imitating Christ. One of the things the Bible is very specific on, you need to teach your kids to suffer. You need to Teach your kids to suffer.
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Better explain how I mean that, 'cause somebody's like, "Yeah, one time he spilled grape juice on the white rug "and I taught him how to suffer then." That's not what we mean.
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Look at 1 Peter 1:23, "And while being reviled," talking about Jesus, "he did not revile in return.
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"While suffering, he uttered no threats, "but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously." Jesus knew how to suffer, trusting God, wasn't angry at God, wasn't angry at the people who were beating Him, who were insulting Him, He wasn't angry with them, He wasn't vengeful, He wasn't thinking retaliation.
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He continued entrusting Himself to God.
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The sad thing is, in some way, shape, or form, your child is going to suffer.
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Your child is going to suffer, whether it's getting some disease, long-term or temporary, whether it's falling in love with the wrong person, getting their heart destroyed when they're abandoned.
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Your child is going to suffer because this world is a horrible place.
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You need to teach your kids.
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Here's how you suffer.
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Here's how you trust God, even when everything else is horrible.
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You need to teach your kids how to suffer the way Christ suffered.
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Teach them to suffer.
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As parents, we go for the heart, right?
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We're tearing down the idols.
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We're lifting up Christ.
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But it's going to be a hard thing, right?
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I want to close with one more scripture.
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This is one of my favorites, concerning this idea of parenting, and children, and discipleship.
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Psalm 127, verses 3-5 says, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.
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The fruit of the womb is a reward.
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Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.
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How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Now, according to God's Word, children are compared to what?
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Say it. Arrows, right? To arrows.
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Now why in the world would God compare your child to an arrow?
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I was thinking about this this week.
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There's probably more, but I can think of three.
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Number one is this.
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Arrows have the potential to hit far beyond the parent's reach.
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Meaning, this isn't a close-up weapon, right?
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This isn't -- you don't take this into battle to, like, go right up next to somebody and try to, like, poke them with the arrow.
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It's not a close-up weapon.
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It's a weapon intended to stay way back.
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In the same way, the impact of your children is going to go far beyond you.
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You're going to die someday, and your child is going to go on.
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So the impact that you're making on that child's life now is going to reach beyond the grave for you. Not just impact over time, but also impact over distance. Maybe this child you're discipling is going to end up serving Christ mightily in another place. Not just in your neighborhood, maybe this child is going to end up in California or South Africa or Thailand or whatever. But this arrow that you've fired out of your house is going to have an impact far beyond where you are, time and distance.
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That's one way that a child is like an arrow.
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Another one, again, straight from the text, says how blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
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Another way that children are like arrows, the more you have, the better.
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I'm not going to say that because that's very counterculture.
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We live in a culture that if you have more than three kids, people look at you like, "What's the matter with you? I'm not judging you on the size of your family. I'm just saying this, the Bible says there's nothing wrong with having a bunch of kids, okay? That's all I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with it. The Bible says, "Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Nobody goes into battle with one arrow, right? Could you imagine, like, living in biblical times, like, "Hey, we're going to war. Are you ready? Like, I got my arrow. What else do you got? Just need one." You're going to need more than one. I'm a really good shot. That's not going to matter. You need a quiver full of them. There's nothing wrong with having a bunch of kids, because that means you're shooting out the impact here, shooting out the impact here, shooting out the impact here. You're multiplying yourself, which is what we call making disciples, right?
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The third reason, and this is why we're doing this whole sermon series.
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You've heard me say this before if you've ever been to an infant dedication that we've had.
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The third reason children are like arrows.
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Arrows need cut and shaped.
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Meaning I got this arrow from my father-in-law, and it's made out of aluminum.
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He didn't make this.
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He purchased this.
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But understand, in Bible times, when you wanted an arrow, you didn't go to Cabela's.
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You didn't go to Field and Stream and just buy an aluminum arrow off the rack.
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If you wanted an arrow, what did you have to do?
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You had to shape it yourself, didn't you?
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And if you're going to shape an arrow, what's the number one quality you want that arrow to have?
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It has to be what? Say it.
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Straight, right? It has to be straight.
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Why? Because if it has a little bit of a bend, if it just bananas a little bit, whew, it's not going to go where you're aiming it.
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So the number one characteristic of an arrow is it has to be cut straight.
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Now think of how that applies to discipleship.
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You are cutting your children for the time that you have them in your home.
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And I want you to hear the sense of urgency here.
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That child is only going to be under your care for a short time.
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Maybe what, 18 years-ish is about the average, I guess.
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You have a few years that that child is in your home.
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You have a few years to cut straight.
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Because that day's going to come when the cutting's over.
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And you stick that thing in the bow and you say, "Now we're going to fire it and see how she's going to fly." And you're going to find out how straight he was cut.
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And it's going to fly in the direction you're aiming.
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You need to be diligent about cutting it straight.
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So why are we doing this four-week series?
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Why are we interrupting Acts?
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Because we have a small window of opportunity.
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I think of the nursery in this church.
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I think of Harvest Kids ministry in this church.
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I see people sitting here holding babies in this church.
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And I think, yeah, they're little and bald and cute and toothless and smell good now.
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The time's ticking.
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We need to be focused on cutting them straight now.
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for the day that's going to come when you're going to fire.
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So we have to be urgent.
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We have to be consistent.
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We have to use this window to parent on purpose.
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Father in heaven, it's an incredible thing to me the way you work.
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You would choose to entrust the Gospel to us.
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Communicate it.
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You would choose to entrust these babies to us, to disciple them.
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Father, we need to be reminded constantly that it's by Your power.
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It's by the power of Your Spirit.
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It's by the power of Your Spirit in other people also having an impact influence upon us, upon our kids. I just pray against the extremes. I pray that there's nobody here today feels the task is so daunting or so overwhelming that why would I even have kids? Or I feel like such a miserable failure. You're a supplies the power, even the power to start over at times when that's needed.
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But I also pray, Father, against any flippant attitude where, "My parents didn't try too hard and I turned out okay." Your Word is clear that we are charged with bringing up our children, not just watching them grow, not just making sure their bellies are full and there's a roof over their head. To teach them what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ, that by your grace if that day of visitation comes upon them, they understand because they've heard it. They've seen. Father, we, by your grace, by your power, we want to tackle this head on. We're trusting you for good things.
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over these next few weeks, we're trusting you to lay a foundation in the lives of these young parents in our church, so that someday when these kids are fired out of these homes and fired out of this church, the impact is going to be far greater, far reaching than we ever would have imagined. You've called us to make disciples. You've called us to be world changers.
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Let us start our house. We pray in Jesus' name.
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Amen.
Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Psalm 127:3-5
What’s the best parenting advice you’ve ever heard? What’s the worst parenting advice you’ve ever heard? How do you evaluate what’s good and what’s not?
What is the goal of parenting? How do you know (as a parent) you are hitting that goal?
What does Genesis 2:24 show as a big difference between the duration of marriage and the duration of parenting? What does that say about how you should go after each of these?
How is a child’s disobedience like an idol in their heart? Discuss the following case study:
Ronnie has been told that he is to always make his bed before breakfast. Today, Mom discovers that Ronnie's bed has not been made. Mom thinks, "Is it laziness? Is it rebellion? Is it due to distraction? Do I have all the facts?"
Evaluate these possible responses from Ronnie. How would you respond if you were his Mom? Is there an idol that needs addressed? If so, what is the idol?
It's too hard to get the wrinkles out.
I'm sick of cleaning my room. Hannah doesn't have to make her bed.
"Dad asked me to help him in the basement with the leaking pipes, right away.
I'll get to it when I'm done playing Super Mario."
Breakout Questions:
Pray for parents YOU know who are currently struggling with parenting issues.