The Team: Mom and Dad Unite!
Review and Intro:
Psalm 146:9 - The Lord protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow.
James 1:27 - This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
Deuteronomy 10:18 - He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.
- A Message for Married Couples:
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
- A Word for Fathers: Do not provoke your kids, bring them up.
Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
How to provoke...
- Discipline in anger
James 1:20 - for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
- Compare your children to siblings or others (favoritism)
2 Corinthians 10:12 - Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.
- Chastise your child in front of others
Matthew 18:15 - If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
- Make fun of the child / call him names
Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
- Have unrealistic expectations
2 Peter 3:18 - But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.
...how to bring them up.
- Make time to talk / Interact
Ephesians 5:16 - making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
- Be consistent with discipline
Proverbs 13:24 - Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
- Admit when you are wrong
Proverbs 28:13 - Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
- Look for ways to praise the child
Romans 13:7 - Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
- Keep your promises
Matthew 5:33 - Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.'
- Discipline in anger
- A Word for Mothers: Make your home ordered and holy.
Titus 2:4-5 - train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Make your home ordered...
...and make your home holy.
Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Moms: Embrace two areas of responsibility for a holy home:
- Guard the home environment.
- Teach them how to filter everything through the Word of God.
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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00:00-00:03
So this morning, Erin comes in and wakes me up.
00:05-00:06
I can hear a little bit of an urgency in her voice.
00:07-00:12
She said, "Hey, hey, it's 8 o'clock." And I was so out of it.
00:14-00:43
She's like, "It's 8 o'clock, come on, come on, what are you doing?" I'm like, "What do we need to do? What's going on?" She's like, "Church?" I said, "Oh yeah, it is Sunday." I'm going to be honest with you, the next thought I had was, we're having this membership class tonight, and I thought, I'm going to have time for a nap this afternoon before the membership class.
00:44-00:55
Now, can we just stop and acknowledge how pathetic that is, that I'm not even out of bed, and the thing that I'm looking forward to the most is when I can go back?
00:57-01:00
And parenting has taken it out of me.
01:02-01:05
My life is being destroyed by an army that I created myself.
01:08-01:11
And that's about the right assessment of parenthood at times, isn't it?
01:12-01:14
Can I get an amen from any other parent here?
01:15-01:16
Okay, thank you.
01:16-01:17
Just leave me up here.
01:19-01:22
So we're doing this series called Parenting on Purpose.
01:23-01:25
And last week was Ready, Aim, Fire.
01:28-01:29
Ready.
01:31-01:34
Most important thing is your walk with Jesus Christ.
01:36-01:43
Acknowledging that your children are sinners by nature and acknowledging that the Bible is your source of authority.
01:44-01:46
So you have to start with that foundation.
01:46-01:46
Aim.
01:46-01:48
You have to have a plan.
01:48-01:49
Okay, we talk about parenting.
01:49-01:50
What's our goal?
01:50-01:53
We don't know what our goal is, we're not going to know if we hit it.
01:55-01:57
Our goal is to make disciples.
01:59-02:02
Or reproduce ourselves, so to speak.
02:02-02:06
You're like, "Well, I had a kid, that is reproducing myself." I mean spiritually.
02:08-02:08
Reproducing yourself.
02:11-02:11
Fire.
02:13-03:22
We talked last week about going after the heart and tearing down idols Jesus Christ. Today we're going to talk about the team. Today we're going to talk about the team. And just like being people from Pittsburgh, how proud we are to talk about our team when we're traveling, right? And somebody finds out you're from Pittsburgh and the conversation drifts to football. You're pretty proud of the team that you're on. And I can tell you standing before you today that I am proud of the team that I am on. And I our home. I have the world's greatest teammate in Erin. I do. She's the best. I could not imagine doing life with anyone else and I certainly couldn't imagine trying to parent these children with anyone else. Several years ago Erin was out shopping and when I say out shopping. Erin never shops for herself, right? It was like grocery shopping, right?
03:22-04:21
So she's out shopping and I was home with the kids and I can't remember what Cade was doing, but I'm just gonna assume it was tormenting his brother because that's usually what he gets in trouble for. But Cade was in trouble and I just put a chair in the middle of the living room and I said, "Just sit in the chair until you can calm yourself down." Well, if you tell Cade to sit down until he can calm himself down the opposite effect sort of happens he sat in that chair and screamed for an hour straight like oh that's terrible all I can especially when he was we little we drove the entire way from Chicago one time an eight and a half hour trip he screamed all of it except for one hour so anyways this particular day he's sitting in the chair in the middle just scream scream scream and I'm sitting at the dining room table when I was trying I was trying to do some church work, but that wasn't happening, because somebody won't stop screaming, and I'm like, you know what, I'm just going to ignore him.
04:23-04:25
So he screamed, screamed, screamed, screamed, screamed.
04:27-04:29
Well, then Erin came home.
04:30-04:32
And she walked in, and he's screaming.
04:33-04:56
He had that little almost look of recognition in his eyes, or this thought of, "Oh, Mom's going to rescue me." And she walks in, and she walks up beside screaming Cade, and Aaron goes, "Are we having a screaming party?" So Aaron sits on the chair beside him, and she starts screaming.
04:57-05:05
Of course, this makes Cade mad, so now he's screaming even more and even louder, and Aaron kind of thinks this is funny, so she's screaming louder.
05:05-05:18
So now both of them are sitting on the chair in the middle of the living room, just going, "Ahh, ahh, ahh!" And truth be told, it was probably 20 seconds, but it seemed like about four hours.
05:18-05:28
But after this went on, Cade kind of settled down and he looked at Aaron, and he looked over at me, still sitting at the table.
05:28-05:29
Then he looked at Aaron.
05:29-05:33
He looked back at me, wiping the tears from his face.
05:33-05:38
And as dead serious as possible, he said, you're both fired.
05:40-05:42
Normally, that's something you don't want to hear.
05:44-05:45
To be honest with you, that day I was glad.
05:46-05:48
I'm like, I don't have to be your dad anymore?
05:49-05:49
Fantastic.
05:51-05:52
And Aaron's like, OK, we're fired.
05:52-05:53
So we went.
05:53-05:55
We went and sat on the couch and watched TV.
05:56-06:00
You know how long we were fired until he came back and wanted to hire us back?
06:00-06:01
Do you know how long that lasted?
06:03-06:10
It was something like 10 or 15 minutes until he was thirsty or hungry or whatever and couldn't reach.
06:10-06:17
and then he rehired us and we got a new contract and renegotiated some things and really put some things in there to protect us as parents.
06:20-06:29
But the point of all of that is this, you're part of the team and the team works together.
06:30-06:32
And I was so thankful that day.
06:32-06:34
The reason, that's the reason I tell you the stories.
06:34-06:39
Aaron didn't come in to undo whatever was already happening.
06:40-06:41
He was in timeout for a reason.
06:42-06:45
She didn't come in and say, "Oh, you get off the chair.
06:45-06:52
It's okay. Would you like some ice cream?" She didn't allow him to play us off of each other.
06:55-06:57
So we're gonna talk about the team today.
06:57-07:00
Mom and dad, God's design for the home.
07:01-07:04
But before we talk about the team, I do need to say this.
07:06-07:21
As we talk about mom and dad in this structure, This does not mean that if you don't have the nuclear family, that you're on a lesser plan in life.
07:21-07:22
I want you to understand that.
07:22-07:24
Do you know what a nuclear family is?
07:24-07:27
I haven't heard that term in about 30 years.
07:28-07:29
Do people still use that term?
07:32-07:44
Some people feel like when we're going into a series, like some people might feel like, Due to life circumstances, our house isn't structured with dad and mom and children.
07:44-07:53
And some families are fatherless or motherless due to divorce or abandonment or sickness or death.
07:55-08:05
Some people sort of feel like, "Oh, this stuff doesn't really apply to me or I'm on on some kind of a lesser plan, or God has a lesser regard for me.
08:08-08:27
But I need to say this, God's love for you - if this applies to you, if this applies to you, that for some reason there's a fatherless or motherless situation in your home, for whatever reason, if this applies to you, God's love for you is not less.
08:29-08:48
special. God's love for you is at last according to God's word. There is a special sense of compassion and protection that God has for people like you. And I had a whole list of verses I chopped some out for the sake of time.
08:48-09:25
But here's a few of them. First of all, Psalm 146 verse 9. The Lord protects the strangers. He supports the fatherless and the widow. James 1 27. This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father. To visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. Deuteronomy 10 18. He executes justice for the fatherless, and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.
09:27-09:29
Many many many more verses.
09:30-09:41
But I want you to understand, if for some reason you don't have the team as we are going to be looking at today, God's love for you is special.
09:43-09:56
primary care to the widows and orphans is done through the church. And I can say as a pastor I am proud of the way that I have seen this church rally around and love such people.
09:59-10:36
But today we're going to be looking at the mom and dad team. And on any team, every team member needs to have a defined role and work to carry out the role. For example, Pittsburgh Pirates. What would happen if during the middle of a game, Pirates are in the field, and Cervelli, our catcher, what if he decides right in the I just feel like playing right field right now.
10:36-10:40
And he just takes his mask and his stuff off, he just walks right out into right field.
10:41-10:47
And Polonka's out there like, "Hey, what's going on?" You know what, I've been playing catcher a lot.
10:47-10:49
I'd like to play in the field for a while.
10:52-10:53
What if you were watching the Penguins?
10:55-10:59
And suddenly Sidney Crosby drops back and stands in the goal.
11:00-11:00
What are you doing?
11:02-11:05
I'm sort of known for my offense, but I want to take a crack at being the goalie.
11:07-11:08
Right in the middle of the game, really?
11:10-11:18
Or what if Big Ben, tonight, when you tune in to watch the game, what if every time Big Ben got to football, he just punted it?
11:19-11:20
Like, what are you doing?
11:21-11:25
It was like, first and ten, or it was second and two.
11:26-11:28
And every time he gets the ball, he just kicks it as hard as he can.
11:28-11:30
And Ben's like, you know what, I just felt like kicking it today.
11:31-11:58
That's all. I throw it a lot. I just felt like kicking it today. You're like, "These scenarios that you're painting are absolutely absurd." Well, married couple, you have God-assigned roles. And more than any other team, you're only going to win if you are unified, if you You play your role and you always think about what's good for the team.
12:00-12:01
So three messages today.
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First of all, message for married couples.
12:08-12:18
Message for married couples, letter A. The most important thing you can do for your kids is to love each other.
12:20-12:23
You know, we're spending a month talking about parenting.
12:25-12:39
Married couples, the most important thing you can do to parent your children is to love your spouse, to be unified, to be devoted.
12:41-12:44
It is so easy for the kids to get all of the attention.
12:47-12:51
Look, I know we all have our own situations, right?
12:52-12:53
You've got ours, you've got yours.
12:53-12:56
In our particular situation, our children have some developmental issues.
12:57-13:02
And I'm saying it is so easy for our kids to get all the attention in the home because they're so needy.
13:03-13:10
And it's just so easy to get into this mindset that everything in the home has to revolve around the needs of the kids.
13:12-13:15
I'd like to remind you Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24.
13:17-13:21
You know, Greg Hederman and Maggie Gates got married yesterday.
13:23-13:25
And we talked about this very verse.
13:28-13:39
Genesis 2.24 says, "Therefore for this purpose a man shall leave his father and mother and shall hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." And that verse is really talking about a couple of relationships.
13:40-13:43
is talking about the marriage relationship, that's why we talked about it yesterday.
13:44-13:53
And the marriage relationship is intended to be this lifelong, forever, permanent, inseparable union. But you see in that same verse, there's another relationship that's being discussed.
13:56-14:00
For this purpose, a man shall leave his father and mother. That's the parent-child relationship.
14:01-14:12
And what that verse is saying is, at some point, that relationship takes a different There's a separation that has to take place.
14:14-14:15
Marriage, inseparable.
14:16-14:19
Parenting, eventually separate.
14:20-14:26
So the point is this, when you define the roles, the role in parenting is temporary.
14:28-14:30
But the role in marriage is permanent.
14:31-14:36
That's why your spouse must come before your kids.
14:37-14:40
I'll say that again, give you a chance to write that down.
14:41-14:43
Your spouse must come before your kids.
14:46-14:49
Too many times the home is centered around the kids.
14:51-14:58
Not only is that unbiblical, but you're training your kids to sort of evaluate all of life that way.
14:58-15:00
Everything revolves around me.
15:00-15:03
We have a whole generation of people coming up right now that think that.
15:05-15:16
When it comes to parenting your kids, the most important thing you can do for your kids is to love each other, be devoted, be unified.
15:18-15:23
Do your part, do your role, and support your spouse in doing their part.
15:23-15:31
You're like, "Well, what is my part?" That's what we're going to spend some time on this morning, letter B, the word for fathers.
15:34-15:41
A word for fathers, and the word biblically is this, do not provoke your kids, bring them up.
15:43-15:47
Do not provoke your kids, but bring them up.
15:48-15:49
So dads, I'm talking to you now.
15:51-15:56
Your word is in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4.
15:57-16:13
It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." First of all, look at that phrase, "bring them up." In the Greek tense, that's continuous action.
16:15-16:18
Meaning it's something that has to constantly be happening.
16:18-16:22
Meaning, dads, you're not doing your job.
16:23-16:35
If your idea of being a dad is, "Well, I help out my wife on Saturdays, and that's my contribution to the parenting." Be bringing them up.
16:36-16:37
This should be constantly happening.
16:38-16:41
And in our culture especially, dads tend to neglect.
16:41-16:49
Dads seem to think, "Well, that's mom's job to raise the kids." And they detach.
16:49-16:55
And it's, honestly, it's much easier for men to do that.
16:56-17:03
And that's why, you know, the Bible addresses this particular admonition to dads, not to moms.
17:03-17:05
Do you know why the Bible doesn't say this to moms?
17:07-17:08
Because God doesn't have to say this to moms.
17:09-17:18
There's no danger really of moms not having this longing to be bringing up their kids.
17:20-17:24
That's very natural for moms, but dads tend to neglect.
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So here's the word for you dads, do not provoke, but bring them up.
17:30-17:33
Here's four wrong attitudes that dads adopt in parenting.
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Four wrong attitudes that dads adopt in parenting.
17:40-17:41
Listen up, men, we've all been there.
17:42-17:45
I've said some of these things, I've thought some of these things, even if I haven't said them out loud.
17:45-17:47
So guys, let's get real here, okay?
17:48-17:50
Four wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting.
17:50-17:52
First of all, I work all day.
17:53-17:55
I've earned the right to take it easy when I come home.
17:55-17:57
I'm not gonna ask you to raise your hands.
17:59-18:29
But the truth is, ladies, if I asked the men to raise their hands, if they ever thought that, guy in this room would put their hand up if they were being honest. I worked all day. I worked all day. When I come home, I should be able to kick back. I should, I have the right to take it easy when I come home. And what do you think mom's been doing all day, dads? She works outside of the home, she's been working.
18:29-18:31
If she stays home, she's working harder.
18:34-18:36
Four wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting.
18:36-18:39
Second one, along the same lines.
18:40-18:41
Here's a wrong attitude.
18:42-18:46
I pay the bills, my wife raises the kids.
18:48-18:49
I pay the bills.
18:51-18:54
I don't know where this Brooklyn accent is coming from.
18:54-18:56
For some reason, I'm thinking of this neglectful dad.
18:56-18:59
I have like this Brooklyn accent guy in my mind.
18:59-19:13
"I pay the bills and my wife raises the kids." Some guys adopt that attitude like, "That's my job." Yeah, Pastor Jeff is right. Pastor Jeff is so right. We're a team.
19:13-19:16
Here's what I bring to the table. I bring the money in.
19:17-19:23
Her job is to raise the kids and never the two shall meet, right?
19:24-19:25
I do my job. She does her job.
19:27-19:44
wrong attitude. Number three, poor wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting. I'm too busy to take the time to deal with issues like diapers or bad grades or whatever.
19:46-19:59
I'm too busy. I'm too busy. Here's the last one. I've heard a lot of people say this one. My dad didn't spend much time with me and I turned out okay.
20:02-20:10
What kind of reasoning is that? Well, my dad didn't spend a lot of time with me and I turned out okay. First of all, did you turn out okay?
20:12-20:14
like you have a little bit of a rotten attitude in that area.
20:17-20:28
But even if, even if that's all true, are you saying your justification for neglecting your job as a parent is because your dad neglected his job?
20:30-20:33
Those are wrong attitudes that dads have about parenting.
20:33-20:39
And some dads think that their job is to just knock the kid back in line when the kid gets out of line.
20:40-20:47
Like, mom does all the nurturing and teaching and huggy stuff, and my job is when that kid gets out of line, I knock him right back in line.
20:49-20:50
Wrong.
20:51-20:56
Your job isn't to, dad, your job isn't to knock your kid back on track when he gets off track.
20:57-21:05
Your job is to go ahead of your kid and be laying track before him and help keep him or her on that track.
21:08-21:12
dad's the father is ultimately responsible for what happens in the home.
21:14-21:20
You know we talk about authority and we talk about the you know the man's place has authority in the home and we spend a lot of time talking about that.
21:21-21:44
Authority doesn't mean I'm the boss everybody does what I say. Authority means God gave me the responsibility to make decisions that's going to bless and protect the people that he's entrusted under my care. That's what authority means. You know what else it means dads is if there's things screwed up in your home we're looking at you because you're responsible for what happens in the home.
21:46-22:28
I tell this to married couples when we do premarital counseling like if you guys run into financial problems and you can't make ends meet you're still living off mom and dad supporting you I say guys I'm looking at you that's your job Same with parenting. My kids are out of control. My kids are rebellious. My kids won't listen. Dads, I'm looking at you because it's your job. Head of the home, that's what that means, right? You're setting the tone. You're making the decisions. You're responsible for what happens. So bring them up and do not Do not provoke.
22:30-22:31
Do not provoke.
22:33-22:47
Colossians 3:21 says it this way, "Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged." Here in Ephesians 6, "Do not provoke your children to anger." There's a couple outcomes here when you provoke your children.
22:49-22:51
They can be angry or they can be discouraged.
22:52-22:53
Neither one very good.
22:54-22:55
I'm very healthy for the kid.
22:58-23:02
The Bible tells us, dads, this is so convicting for me.
23:04-23:11
Believe me, I'm not standing up here as somebody that has the whole parenting thing figured out and I'm going to school you.
23:11-23:14
I'm standing up here as somebody that has been crushed by this concept.
23:15-23:25
And I would rather not preach this, because the amount of conviction that this has been bringing into my life has been almost physically painful, honest with you.
23:26-23:47
But dads, you, we, we can parent in such a way that it makes your children angry and discouraged and that doesn't just mean like for the moments like yeah you know junior was ticked off for a half hour what that means is they start cultivating that attitude they carry that they become an angry person do you know somebody that's an angry person?
23:50-23:52
Dads can make that happen in their kids.
23:53-23:54
Dads can make discouragement.
23:55-24:01
You know, people that are just constantly discouraged, the pessimists, the Eeyore, the, you know, "I can't do anything right.
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I'm such a failure.
24:02-24:03
I'm such a loser.
24:03-24:06
I'm not going to get anywhere in life." Dads can build that in their kids.
24:09-24:13
And that's why the Bible says, "Do not provoke your children." What does that mean?
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these things down here's how to provoke here's how to provoke your kids now when I say here's how to provoke your kids obviously we're saying these are things you want to avoid right I don't want anybody going home what you guys talk about in church how's your Jeff taught me how to provoke my kids it was awesome he gave me a list of things it'll get them angry right quick no we're saying these are things to avoid all right how to provoke first of all discipline and anger I'm gonna go through these quickly this be on our website you can go back and listen again. Discipline and anger. James 1 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
24:54-25:24
Discipline yes, discipline and anger no. Oh we've all done that. We've all done that. Like I am too angry to wait. I'm gonna lay the hammer down now. Terrible idea. That's the way that your kids will be provoked. They don't see discipline for what God intended it to be. Instead, they see what you think is discipline as, "Boy, dad's really mad and he's taking that out on me." That provokes your children.
25:25-25:31
Secondly, how to provoke your children. Compare your children to siblings or to others. Favoritism.
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Second Corinthians chapter 10, verse 12. This is the foolishness of comparing yourselves one with another, not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves, but when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they're without understanding.
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And the point of all that, Paul's like, you know, people compare one with another, that's just foolishness, it's dumb.
25:59-26:03
And when you do that to your kids, you're provoking them.
26:05-26:08
It's certainly going to anger them, and it's definitely going to discourage them.
26:09-26:10
Comparing your children to their siblings.
26:11-26:13
Why can't you act more like your sister?
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Look at how your sister does it.
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Really? That's what you want to do?
26:18-26:20
You want to start a civil war in your house?
26:22-26:25
Or compare your kids to somebody else's kids?
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I think that's almost worse in a way.
26:30-26:32
Why can't you be more like the Davidson kids?
26:36-26:38
You know the Davidson kids, you know what they're doing?
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You know how many hours a day they practice the piano?
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Do you know how many kittens they rescue from trees or whatever?
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That's discouraging.
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It's provoking.
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It's not taking your kid anywhere any good.
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Thirdly, how to provoke.
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Chastise him or her in front of others.
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You know, Matthew 18 certainly talks about, you know, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.
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Between you and him alone, if he listens to you, you've gained your brother.
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The conflict resolution, it should be one-on-one first, right?
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I think it's a good principle for many reasons.
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And when it comes to your children, you're going to provoke them if you're disciplining them in front of others.
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humiliating for their peers or their siblings to see that. How to provoke.
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Number four, making fun of the child or calling them names. Like I would never do that. This happens a lot more than we realize. If we're not careful, we are guilty of this. Making fun of the child, calling names. Ephesians 4.32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God and Christ forgave you.
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Just belittling the child.
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You know, you're talking to your friend and your child's standing right there.
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You said, "You know what this little idiot did?
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You know what this little moron did?" I've heard parents say this.
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Not funny.
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I've heard parents say, "You know what this little retard did?" Seriously?
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First of all, using that word, not appropriate.
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Your child hearing you say that word, right?
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Calling them that in front of other people?
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What's the matter with you? You don't think that's going to crush their spirit?
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Fifth way, there's so many more.
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We only have so much time. Fifth way, have unrealistic expectations.
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Second Peter 3.18 says, "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." And the truth is, we're always growing. Every one of us, even as adults, we're growing, we're growing.
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Sometimes we forget that with our own kids.
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How many times do we put such unrealistic expectations on our three-year-old?
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Like, "I told you to rinse the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher!" Oh yeah, he's three.
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Can't believe he didn't put the cap back in the oil when you changed the oil in the car.
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Go easy on him, he's four.
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Like we have these unrealistic expectations of our kids.
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And I have been so guilty of that.
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I have been horribly, embarrassingly guilty of that.
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with one of my kids who, because of how he presents, might not appear to have the degree of developmental issues that he does.
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I've been so horribly guilty of having unrealistic expectations, even expectations that, were he a neurotypical 10-year-old, still would be too high.
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Come on, dads, let's get off this provoking thing.
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Instead, bring them up. How to bring them up. These are things we're going to go after.
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Bring them up.
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Number one, make time.
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Make time to talk or interact.
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Ephesians 5.16, "Making the best use of the time because the days are evil." You should be looking for opportunities. You should be making opportunities to interact.
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It's not going to happen by accident.
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anymore than "I hope I go to the gym today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.
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"I hope I go to work today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.
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"I hope I get a shower today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.
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That's why we're calling this series Parenting on Purpose.
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Like, "I hope I spend time with my kids today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.
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Whether it's spending time, we're going to play a video game together or I'm going to read to you or we're going to wrestle or we're going to go for a walk or we're gonna, you know, go jump on the trampoline or whatever. Make time to talk, to interact.
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That's how to bring them up.
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Secondly, be consistent with discipline. Proverbs 13 24, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son." Look at this, "but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Diligent!
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So be consistent.
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Third one, admit when you are wrong.
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Admit when you are wrong. Proverbs 28 13 says whoever conceals his transgression will not prosper. He who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Dads, suck it up and admit when you're wrong. Like I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Look, daddy was upset over something that had nothing to do with you and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. Admit when you're wrong.
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Fourthly, look for ways to praise the child.
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Dads, again, this is for you. I think moms get this.
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I think moms are just natural with that.
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Dads, look for ways to praise the child.
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Romans 13, 7 says, "Pay to all what is owed to them.
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Taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed." Look for ways to praise the child.
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Look for ways.
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Again, dads, we're so tuned to, "We'll see what's wrong and then we'll knock them back in line when they're wrong." And we're not actively looking for things that they're doing with excellence, things that they're doing well.
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Look for opportunities to praise them.
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And lastly, keep your promises.
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Keep your promises.
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Matthew 5:33, "Again, you've heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn." Keep your promises.
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If you say, "Hey, we're going to play ball when dad gets home," you better be out in the yard playing ball.
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Okay?
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If you're going to say, "Honey, I'm going to your dance recital.
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I'm not going to miss it." You better be bleeding from your face to miss that little girl's dance recital.
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And even then, put a band-aid on and get there, but keep your promises.
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Keep your promises.
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So men, recap, don't provoke, but bring them up.
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Finally, I've got a word for moms.
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I'm not going to spend as much time here.
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Actually, I have a little more experience being a dad than I do being a mom, a little more.
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I do have a word for mothers.
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And that's this, make your home ordered and holy.
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Titus 2, verses 4-5.
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tells Titus in the conducting affairs in the church, he talks about the older women and the roles of the older women and the younger women, but look what he says specifically, "Train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be reviled, submissive to their own husbands.
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You see, God has established roles for the husband /father.
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God's established roles for the wives/mother. And these these roles are never in terms of less important, more important. Like, well, dad has the authority and he's the most important person in the house.
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Just like in the church, we have different roles in ministry but none of us in this room are more important or less important than anyone else that's how it is in the home God has roles for dad and God has roles for mom do things for moms for the day first of all number one make your home ordered ordered God's plan of order is in place so that things run smoothly and as a mother you You must line up your priorities with God's plan of order.
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Okay?
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I think here's where some moms can get some things out of whack.
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All due respect, but I think the order of priority gets a little skewed.
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I think for a lot of moms, number one priority is children.
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Children don't come down to number three on the list, actually.
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Your number one priority is your walk with Christ.
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Your number two priority relationship with your husband, ladies.
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Your third priority is your children.
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And your fourth priority is ministry.
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The fourth priority is ministry.
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I had to put that on the list because some people even bump that one up over the children.
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You're gonna have kids grow up to hate the church if you put ministry as a priority over the kids.
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"Sorry kids, we can't ever do anything that you want to do because of our involvement in the church." That's the case, you are too involved in the church and you need to step down. Kids are like, "We never get to do any of the things that I want to do because we're at church eight days a week." That's a problem. But on the other hand, you don't want to neglect ministry. You Listen, this is important.
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This is the other side of this.
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We're gonna get this balance.
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You must train your children to understand that ministry is a part of life.
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Can we get this balance?
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Ministry is not everything, but ministry is something.
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It's not all of life, but it is a very important part of life.
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Let's get the balance there.
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Let's teach our kids.
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No, my ministry at the church is not more important than you.
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But it is something important in our family.
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And we're going to ration our time appropriately.
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So make your home ordered and make your home holy.
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What do we mean holy?
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Well, the word holy just means set apart for God.
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Holy means different from the world.
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That's the verse five part of this Titus 2 passage that we looked at.
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He says that the word of God may not be reviled.
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As your children grow up, your children are going to be bombarded outside the home with absolute foolishness from the world.
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Truth be told, they don't even have to go outside the home.
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They can get it in the house with TV and internet and all that.
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So how much word do you think it's happening outside the home?
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How much do you think they're getting at school?
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With their friends, on the sports team.
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Your children are going to be bombarded with foolishness from the world.
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That's why Paul reminds us in Romans 12:2, he says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind." The reason he says that is because the world really good at conforming us.
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The world is really good at squeezing us into its image.
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And mom's one of your primary jobs as a mom.
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Is to make a home.
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That is set apart from the world.
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We're gonna close with this mom embrace these two areas of responsibility for a holy home.
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Embrace these two areas of responsibility for a holy home. Number one, moms, you need to guard the home environment. Guard the home environment. We can't keep our children entirely shielded from the world, okay? We would like to. How many times have Aaron and I had this conversation, "I'm gonna buy a cabin in the middle of the woods. No electricity, no TV, no internet. I just want to buy a cabin in the middle of the woods and take our family there and wait for Jesus to come back. Now we're not going to do that. I'll tell you there's days I'd sure like to because there's so much garbage coming at us from the world, so much garbage coming at the kids from the world. We can't keep our children shielded from the world, but we can purify our homes so that our kids know there's a distinction between the way the way the world does things and the way our home does things.
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Children need to see that.
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Look, this is how the world operates, kids, but this isn't how God operates.
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And that's why our home is going to be different.
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That's why we don't treat people the way the world treats people.
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That's why we don't talk about things the way the world talks about things.
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We don't joke about things the way the world jokes about things.
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"Mom, you need to have a home that is distinctly different from the world." Guard the home environments.
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Teaching your kids, rather, how to treat others.
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Teaching your kids a wholesome and biblical view of sexuality.
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Teaching your kids what it means to handle money.
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All of these things, different than the world.
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"Mom, establish that in your home environment.
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and guard that home environment.
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Number two, teach them how to filter everything through the Word of God.
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Teach your kids how to filter everything through the Word of God.
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Deuteronomy 6, verse 7, we alluded to last week briefly, concerning the law of God or the Word of God, we can make the broader application.
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He says, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, "You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Do you see that picture?
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Discipleship happens Sunday morning when they go off to their thing and we're doing our thing in here.
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Discipleship has to constantly be happening.
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But moms, you need to help your kids to look at life the lenses of God's Word, or to take the things of life and use God's Word as a filter.
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What does God's Word have to say about that?
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Obviously, you can't filter them for being exposed to evil or exposed to temptation, but we can teach them how to keep themselves from being vulnerable.
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We can teach them how to avoid temptation.
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We can teach them how to respond in unexpected situations in a way that's going to honor Christ.
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So moms, teach your kids how to filter everything through the Word of God.
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It starts when you get up, take a break when they go to bed.
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Everything else, look for teachable moments.
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To moms, to recap, your job is to keep the home orderly and holy.
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So the team's going to be taking the field today.
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And there is a whole lot at stake.
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But I'm not talking about the football playoffs.
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The team that's responsible for what kind of person the world is going to inherit when you launch child from your home. That's the team that I'm most concerned about. We talked last week about the arrow. How you have to cut the arrow straight and shape the arrow. Mom and dad you have your roles. Mom and dad you have your marching orders. The team effort. What kind of a person is the world going to inherit?
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Let's pray.
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Father in heaven, again, Father, just pray over Your Word.
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We covered a lot of different passages and a lot of issues today, Father.
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I pray that Your Holy Spirit would take these things and really just make deep roots of these things in our hearts.
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Father, I pray for the dads in this room right now.
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I pray specifically for us dads, Father, that we wouldn't neglect our job, that we would step up.
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We wouldn't sit back to see what the tone of the house is going to be.
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I pray that we would be people who would set the tone of the house.
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Father, I pray for the moms in this room.
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Sometimes moms love the kids too much to a point that the children are exalted above the husband, and the children sometimes are even exalted above Christ.
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Everything revolves around making the kids happy.
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I pray for the mom's father, that they would understand your priorities, and that moms would continue to work diligently make a home that operates in a completely different way than the world.
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Father, we know none of these changes are possible in our own flesh, in our own strength, in our own creativity or intellect. Father, your Holy Spirit has to empower these things. Only your Holy Spirit can bring the type of changes that need to be made in us so that we're better equipped to disciple our kids.
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For that, Father, we cry out to you today.
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In the middle of all this doing our roles kind of thing, I pray that we don't neglect the bigger picture of loving our spouse in the way that you've called us to.
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Unify every home in this room.
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Unify and strengthen every marriage, Father.
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We pray these things in Jesus' name, Amen.
Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Ephesians 6:4, Genesis 2:24, Titus 2:4-5
How would you define the role of the father, biblically? Where do you see this failing in our culture? In your home? (only answer last question if YOU are the father)
How would you define the role of the mother, biblically? Where do you see this failing in our culture? In your home? (only answer last question if YOU are the mother)
What does it mean to provoke your children to anger (Ephesians 6:4)? Why is this directed towards fathers, specifically? What happens when a child IS provoked to anger? How can you prevent this?
List the right priorities for mom (discussed in the message, and see Genesis 2:24 & Titus 2:4-5). What happens when these are out of order, ex., children are put above husband?
Breakout Questions:
Pray for struggling families you know - for dads to be dads and moms to be moms, biblically.
Examine your own home - is it a "holy place", ie, set aside for God? Are there any sinful or worldly things in your home that can be giving your child(ren) mixed messages? What needs to be eliminated?