What If I'm Not in a Biblical Marriage?

Introduction:

Matters of Marriage: A Word for Each of You. (1 Corinthians 7:8-16)

  1. Singles: Enjoy the GIFT of SINGLENESS or GET MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:8-9)

    Single & Want to Get Married? 3 Don'ts:

    1. Don't SETTLE.

    2. Don't Look for the RIGHT PERSON.

    3. Don't Seek MARRIAGE – Seek LOVE.

  2. Married Christians: STAY MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:10-11)

  3. Married to a NonChristian (Who Wants to Stay Married): STAY MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:12-14)

  4. Married to a NonChristian (Who Wants to Leave): LET THEM GO. (1 Cor 7:15-16)

    Romans 7:2For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.

    Matthew 19:8He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce...”

    Matthew 19:9 - “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

Question and Answer: What If I'm Not in a Biblical Marriage?
Jeff Miller
  • 00:36-00:39

    Open up those Bibles, 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

    00:41-00:42

    Chapter 7.

    00:44-00:47

    We're in the third section of 1 Corinthians.

    00:48-00:51

    Chapters 1 through 4 is about unity.

    00:52-00:54

    Like church, get it together.

    00:56-00:58

    Chapters 5 and 6 are about purity.

    01:01-01:08

    And then when we get to chapter 7 verse 1, you see that Paul is addressing some questions that they had.

    01:10-01:17

    And the first subject of this Q&A session is marriage.

    01:20-01:22

    So that's where we are.

    01:22-01:24

    We go where the text takes us.

    01:24-01:33

    I'm going to ask that you would please just quiet your heart before the Lord for a moment and pray for me to be faithful to communicate God's Word.

    01:33-01:44

    This is a passage that is going to get a reaction, and it's not about really my opinion or your opinion, it's what did God actually say?

    01:45-01:46

    That's what we're going after, right?

    01:48-01:52

    So pray for me to be faithful to clearly communicate what God said.

    01:52-01:57

    I will pray for you to have a heart open to receive what it is that God said.

    01:57-01:59

    All right, let's just take a moment and pray.

    02:02-02:16

    Our Father in heaven, I know that many times in my life I've had strong opinions about things that have had to change because of what your Word says.

    02:22-02:26

    Because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what any of us think, Father, It only matters what you think.

    02:27-02:42

    So I just pray that you would give us wisdom, that you would eliminate any distractions in our hearts and minds so we can just lock into what your Word has to say here.

    02:44-02:45

    It's for the glory of your name.

    02:46-03:00

    We pray in Jesus' name, and all of God's people said, "Amen." If you've been with us at all through our series in 1 Corinthians, we've seen that everything was a mess, right?

    03:00-03:06

    So now Paul's talking about marriage and no surprise, marriage was a mess.

    03:07-03:09

    We talked about this last week.

    03:09-03:16

    There were people strong on the single side and there were people strong on the marriage side.

    03:16-03:17

    Which one is good?

    03:17-03:21

    And the answer is both of them are good.

    03:23-03:28

    Marriage was a mess in Corinth, and if we're going to be honest, we're not doing so hot here today either.

    03:31-03:38

    As I was preparing this, I get an email that has just short news articles in it and updates and things like that.

    03:39-03:42

    And I just read this on Friday, I wanted to share part of this article with you.

    03:43-03:50

    This is the newest craze, I haven't heard of this one, maybe you have, but the newest craze is divorce rings.

    03:51-03:52

    Have you heard of divorce rings?

    03:53-03:54

    Raise your hand if you've heard of divorce rings.

    03:55-03:57

    Okay, a couple of you have, all right.

    03:58-04:04

    This is new as far as this article told us, but I just want to read part of it.

    04:04-04:18

    It says, "The diamond ring Alex Weinstein," that's a female, "wears every day is a reminder that once upon a time she said, "I do," these days she happily says she does not.

    04:20-04:45

    Weinstein got divorced last March and tossed her engagement ring in a drawer for a few months. Then the Tampa, Florida-based content creator decided to make herself a divorce ring. She reset a radiant three-carat stone from her ex- husband into gold, turning it east to west in a bezel." I should have looked up what that meant.

    04:45-04:46

    Anybody know what a bezel is?

    04:47-04:48

    Okay, nobody?

    04:49-04:50

    All right, I shouldn't have said anything, huh?

    04:51-04:53

    I was safe until I just said that.

    04:53-04:55

    All right, noted.

    04:55-04:56

    That helps me for the second service.

    04:58-05:07

    The shame and stigma, the article goes on, "The shame and stigma of divorce has been replaced for some women with empowerment and celebration.

    05:10-05:17

    While diamond rings have long been a cultural signifier of marriage, some women are also choosing to mark the end of their matrimonies with a little bling.

    05:21-05:26

    Weinstein says, "I'm not proud of getting divorced, but I am proud of putting myself first.

    05:28-05:34

    Why shouldn't I celebrate this chapter of my life?" Why am I sharing this article with you?

    05:36-05:49

    Because I think if anything sort of personifies how far we have drifted as a culture from God's ideal, I think this kind of nails it.

    05:50-05:53

    We are celebrating divorce.

    05:55-05:56

    We are celebrating it!

    06:00-06:04

    You know, we look at Corinth and we're like, "Man, those people were messed up." Us people are messed up.

    06:08-06:20

    Back to Corinth, though, some would say...some in Corinth had said, "Excuse me." Some said, "You know, being single is actually being more devoted to God." And they actually had married people get a divorce.

    06:21-06:36

    Like, "Hey, you'll be more devoted to God if you get the divorce." And then there were some that said, "Look, if you want to be devoted to God, you can't have intimate relations with a woman.

    06:36-06:48

    So if you want to stay married, just don't have any intimacy." Those were some of the thoughts they had in Corinth, and both of those are wrong.

    06:50-06:54

    In the previous passage, again, Paul said, "Staying single is good.

    06:54-06:56

    Marriage is good.

    06:56-06:59

    And intimacy in marriage should be a regular thing.

    07:03-07:05

    But what if I'm not in a biblical marriage?

    07:09-07:12

    What I mean is, what if I'm not married to a Christian?

    07:13-07:29

    I mean, you could go through the last couple of messages and say, "Oh, that's well and good for two people who love Jesus Christ, have the Word of God as their authority, and Oh yeah, like easy for them.

    07:31-07:33

    But what about me, Paul?

    07:34-07:38

    My spouse isn't a believer, so what am I supposed to do?

    07:40-07:41

    Should I just get a divorce?

    07:44-07:44

    What should I do?

    07:46-09:17

    Well, in this section we're looking at today, Paul clarifies matters of marriage addressing everyone in the church. Literally everyone in the church and everyone in this church. So this is kind of a good news/bad news thing. We're not having one sermon today. You're like, "All right, we are having four sermons today. All right, four sermons." Because each of these are very specifically addressed to a different group. So first up, matters of marriage, a word for each of you. You can take notes on the other ones if you like, but pay attention into the category you fall. Number one, singles. Singles, a word for you, here it is. Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married. Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married. All right, so if you're here and you're single, if you're streaming and you're single, if for you. All right? If you're single, enjoy that if it's a gift or get married. Look at verse 8. Paul says, "To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am." Unmarried for any reason, right? Paul, once again, this is a We're going to go through this quickly.

    09:18-09:19

    We talked all about this last week.

    09:19-09:21

    Paul said being single is good.

    09:23-09:23

    Right?

    09:23-09:24

    Being single is good.

    09:24-09:26

    Why is he circling back to that?

    09:26-09:34

    Because there were Jews in Corinth that said, "You couldn't be holy unless you were married." That was a common Jewish mindset in that day.

    09:35-09:36

    You couldn't be holy unless you were married.

    09:36-09:41

    Paul's like, "That's not true." All right?

    09:41-09:43

    It's a gift for some people.

    09:45-09:47

    And Paul listed himself as one of those people.

    09:48-09:50

    Paul here very clearly says that he was single.

    09:51-09:52

    Like what happened to Paul?

    09:52-09:52

    Did he get a divorce?

    09:53-09:54

    Did his wife leave him?

    09:54-09:55

    Is he a widower?

    09:56-09:57

    We have no idea.

    09:59-10:03

    We don't know the details, but we know from this verse that he was single.

    10:06-10:07

    Okay, so single people, listen.

    10:10-10:27

    not denying that there are pressures to being single that married couples do not have. Things like loneliness, things like trying to manage a household yourself.

    10:28-10:34

    There are pressures that single people experience that married people don't.

    10:35-10:39

    But Paul is reminding the single people again, it is not wrong.

    10:40-10:44

    You don't have to feel like you're a second-rate Christian because you're not married.

    10:44-10:46

    It is not wrong.

    10:46-10:51

    And we're going to see later in this chapter, there are actually some advantages to being single.

    10:52-10:54

    All right, but look at verse 9.

    10:56-11:05

    He says, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.

    11:06-11:16

    For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." So Paul's like, "Okay, you're single, but you have those urges.

    11:19-11:20

    You can't control yourself.

    11:20-11:23

    You like want to be with a person so badly.

    11:24-11:27

    Like you found that being single really isn't for you.

    11:27-11:28

    What should I do?

    11:28-11:29

    Paul's like, get married.

    11:30-11:31

    Get married.

    11:32-11:35

    He says it's better to marry than to burn.

    11:36-11:37

    Again, we talked about this last week.

    11:37-11:40

    If you have the gift of singleness, you aren't burning.

    11:42-11:47

    But if you have those desires, God gave the right context to use them.

    11:48-11:49

    That's why he says get married.

    11:50-11:50

    Get married.

    11:50-11:54

    You have the passion, you have the desire, get married.

    11:57-12:07

    I've got to say a couple of things about that, unless somebody runs out of here today, runs right across the street to Pantera Bread, and is like, "Look, Pastor Jeff said to get married.

    12:07-12:10

    Are you single?" No, okay, "Are you single?" "No, I'm going to find somebody.

    12:10-12:11

    Pastor Jeff said to get married.

    12:12-12:12

    It's right in the Bible.

    12:13-12:15

    I've got to find somebody today." Let's pump the brakes for a second.

    12:17-12:17

    All right?

    12:17-12:21

    If you're single and you want to get married, I'm going to give you three don'ts here, all right?

    12:23-12:27

    He says to get married, yes, but I want to caution you on a couple of things here.

    12:27-12:28

    Three don'ts.

    12:29-12:30

    Letter A, don't settle.

    12:32-12:33

    Don't settle.

    12:36-12:38

    I know being single can be hard.

    12:39-12:40

    Do you know what's harder than being single?

    12:42-12:44

    Being married to the wrong person.

    12:46-12:54

    Rushing into a marriage, not really knowing somebody, not understanding they don't really love you, they don't really love the Lord as they should.

    12:58-13:02

    It is absolutely heartbreaking how many times I've seen that.

    13:02-13:14

    Somebody wanting marriage so badly that the first single person that comes along that looks eligible and there's some kind of interest, we're rushing right into it, and oh, the regret that comes from that.

    13:15-13:16

    I've made a huge mistake.

    13:17-13:18

    What do I do now?

    13:20-13:30

    settle. Letter B, don't look for the right person. Don't look for the right person.

    13:34-14:46

    Like, wait a minute, you just said it was bad to be married to the wrong person, now you're telling me not to look for the right person? Yeah, don't look for the right person. You need to focus on trying to be the right person, all right? Try to to be the right person. In the early days of this church when we were really teeny tiny we had a single guy that came to me. He came up to me, he goes, "Pastor Jeff, I think I'm going to go to another church." I'm like, "Oh, why? What's the matter?" He goes, "I love this church so much, but I really want to meet somebody and I just really want to get married." Not a lot of single people in that tiny church. And I said, "That's a terrible way to pick a church. You know, who's got the best single scene? I said, "That's a terrible way to pick a church." I said, "You need to find a church where God is feeding you and where God is using you. You find a church where that's happening, you trust God to do the rest." He's like, "You're right." He goes, "You're right." And it wasn't long after that he did find a single lady, even in her teeny tiny church, and they're married. They since moved away and they have like, I I don't know, 20 or 25 kids, I don't know.

    14:47-15:03

    But the point was he was willing to trust God and seeking God first and seeking to be the person worth marrying, not just trying to find the right person for him.

    15:04-15:06

    So try to be the right person for somebody else.

    15:08-15:12

    Letter C, I read this great advice from a pastor this past week.

    15:12-15:19

    He said, "Don't seek marriage, seek love." Don't seek marriage, seek love.

    15:20-15:24

    Because ultimately, you're going to marry the person that you fall in love with.

    15:26-15:27

    All right?

    15:27-15:33

    So when Paul here says, "Look, if you have the desire," he goes, "Don't burn with passion." He goes, "Go get married.

    15:33-15:41

    Go get married." But again, let's temper that with, let's not rush into anything.

    15:43-15:44

    It's going to bring regret.

    15:45-15:52

    God has called you, God has called all of us to be content and thankful in every chapter of life we find ourselves.

    15:54-15:56

    So singles, this sermon's for you.

    15:56-15:58

    Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married.

    15:59-15:59

    All right?

    16:02-16:04

    All right, next sermon.

    16:04-16:06

    This is for married Christians.

    16:07-16:09

    Are you and your spouse both Christians?

    16:10-16:38

    a word for you. Stay married. Very simple. Very simple. Look at verse 10. Paul says, "To the married I give this charge, not I, but the Lord. The wife should not separate from her husband." Not separate, obviously, he's talking about divorce. So he's talking here specifically to Christian couples.

    16:40-16:46

    We know this because he talks about mixed couples in verse 12.

    16:46-16:49

    And by the way, let's get this out of the way.

    16:50-16:56

    When we talk about mixed couples, or we talk about intermarrying, that has nothing to do with race.

    16:58-17:00

    There's only one race, there's the human race.

    17:01-17:10

    So as long as you're marrying another human of the opposite sex, oh, the things I didn't think I'd have to say.

    17:14-17:15

    Race doesn't matter.

    17:15-17:16

    Okay?

    17:16-17:21

    So when we talk about mixed marriages, biblically there is no such thing except for mixed faith.

    17:22-17:26

    That's what the Bible forbids, mixed faith marriages.

    17:26-17:28

    He talks about them in a second, all right?

    17:28-17:29

    I felt like I had to say that.

    17:35-17:50

    So Christian couples, Paul says, "I get a word for you," he goes, "not I, but the Lord." Meaning Paul's like, "Look, what I'm about to tell you came straight from the mouth of Jesus Christ Himself." This is the Lord's charge, all right?

    17:52-17:57

    The Lord's charge is, Christian couples, no divorce.

    17:59-18:00

    Divorce isn't an option.

    18:00-18:02

    Divorce isn't a word that's said in your home.

    18:04-18:10

    Jesus talked about this so many times, Matthew 5, Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 16.

    18:11-18:15

    Jesus taught over and over that marriage is meant to be lifelong.

    18:16-18:16

    All right?

    18:18-18:45

    So we're going to try you out for a year or two, if it's not going to work, we have our exit strategy. That's not how marriage is designed according to our Lord. Marriage is meant to be lifelong. And remember, there were some Corinthians that thought, "Yeah, but if you really want to be devoted to God, you've got to get a divorce." And Paul here is just saying, "You know, God's not on board with that." I mean, just imagine for a second.

    18:48-19:08

    for a second if that sentiment was legitimate. Let's just pretend for a second that you could be more devoted to God, you could be more devoted to Jesus if you got a divorce. Do you see what would happen? Everyone that's looking for an out would just use that excuse.

    19:11-19:13

    They'd be like, "You know what, sweetheart?

    19:14-19:27

    I think we should get a divorce because I just want to love Jesus more." Right?

    19:27-19:28

    It'd start a new phrase.

    19:28-19:36

    It would be, "It's not you, it's Him." Right?

    19:36-19:37

    But that was the mindset they had.

    19:37-19:38

    And Paul's like, "No, no, no, no.

    19:40-19:42

    The words of our Lord are quite clear.

    19:43-19:52

    Don't get a divorce." But then you have the person that's like, "Oh, Paul, I wish you would have wrote this letter two weeks ago, because I did buy it.

    19:52-19:53

    You know what?

    19:53-20:00

    Yeah, we are both believers, but I bought into the idea that getting a divorce would benefit my walk.

    20:00-20:05

    So what do you do if you are both Christians and you did get a divorce?

    20:05-20:09

    What do you do about that?" Well, look at verse 11.

    20:09-20:18

    He says, "But if she does get a divorce, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.

    20:21-20:28

    And the husband should not divorce his wife." Okay, so if you're like, "You know what?

    20:28-20:33

    I did get the divorce, and now looking back, we are both believers.

    20:33-20:37

    I shouldn't have done that." Paul goes, "Okay, well now you have two choices.

    20:37-20:58

    You're either unmarried the rest of your life, or go back to your husband and get back on track." Like, "I'm not sure that's possible." Well, if you're both Christians, forgiveness and healing and reconciliation should not be foreign concepts to you.

    21:01-21:04

    So if you and your spouse are both Christians, stay married.

    21:06-21:07

    All right?

    21:07-21:11

    And as we saw last week, verse 3, married Christian couples, pay your debt.

    21:13-21:13

    All right?

    21:14-21:16

    I know that's the sermon that always gets applied.

    21:16-21:20

    I know the nursery is going to be restocked in about nine months.

    21:21-21:21

    I know.

    21:24-21:25

    So married Christians.

    21:26-21:26

    All right.

    21:27-21:33

    This is where things get even more difficult.

    21:35-21:39

    This is addressed to those of you who are married to a non-Christian.

    21:39-21:44

    And I know there are some people in this church that are married to a non-Christian.

    21:46-21:49

    But this non-Christian wants to stay married.

    21:49-22:02

    Okay, you're like, "Yeah, my husband's not a believer, or my wife's not a believer, and Like, she's okay with me being a believer, and she's okay with me going to church, and she wants to stay married, so what do I do?

    22:02-22:03

    What do I do here?

    22:06-22:11

    God says, "Stay married." Stay married.

    22:14-22:21

    You know, back in, look at the, back in chapter 6 verse 15, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.

    22:21-22:32

    Paul says, talking about those who were being sexually immoral with the cult prostitutes, he says, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

    22:33-22:37

    Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

    22:38-23:01

    Never." You see, there would have been some that heard this principle like, "Okay, so me physically being with a prostitute is like defiling for me, so what about me physically being with a non-Christian spouse?

    23:02-23:13

    Well, me being intimate, I mean, isn't it the same principle that I am defiling my body because I'm in this mixed marriage?

    23:14-23:16

    We have different faiths?

    23:18-23:20

    That's the question on the table.

    23:23-23:32

    Regarding mixed marriages, meaning one's a believer and one's not, you're like, "What do you do?" Well, first of all, it's forbidden, single people.

    23:34-23:42

    Second Corinthians 6.14, if you're single, listen, if you're single, you are not to get married to a non-Christian.

    23:45-23:46

    Corinthians 6.14.

    23:48-23:50

    You are not to get married to a non-Christian if you're single.

    23:52-23:54

    If you can prevent this, you should prevent this.

    23:55-24:03

    That people think, "Well, I'm going to get married to the person and I'll save them, and I'm going to be such a good influence on them," and it usually works the other way.

    24:07-24:12

    So if you're single, you are not to marry a non-Christian.

    24:13-24:23

    So all right, now with that out of the way, the question is, "Well, what if we were married as non-Christians and I got saved and he didn't get saved?" Or vice versa, man.

    24:23-24:26

    You're like, "Well, I got saved and my wife didn't get saved.

    24:26-24:29

    What do we do?" Well, look at verse 12.

    24:29-24:54

    He says, "To the rest I say, 'I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her." By the way, when he says here, "I, not the Lord," you know what some people do with that, right?

    24:55-25:11

    They're like, "Oh, well, this is just Paul's opinion." So we can sort of disregard this section because Paul here, I mean, he's saying that this is just his opinion, and that's not what he's saying at all.

    25:13-25:29

    Back in verse 10, he was saying, "I'm quoting Jesus here." Now in verse 12, he's saying, "This is also from the Lord, but this isn't a direct quote from Jesus, do you see?" He's not saying this is uninspired.

    25:30-26:06

    He's just saying, "Before I was directly quoting from the ministry of Jesus, and now this is new revelation from God. That's all he's saying. So what if I'm married to a non-Christian and he wants to stay married? Paul says, "You don't get a divorce, you stay married. That's what you do." Like, really? Verse 13, "If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him." Oh yeah, that question, being with this non-Christian make me unholy?

    26:06-26:10

    Like isn't it the same principle as being with the prostitutes?

    26:11-26:13

    No, not at all.

    26:14-26:15

    Because look at verse 14.

    26:17-26:26

    For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.

    26:29-26:47

    You see, when one of you is saved and your spouse is not, it's not that the Christian is made unholy in the eyes of God, it's the unsaved person is made holy.

    26:52-26:53

    I want to be clear here.

    26:54-27:01

    That does not mean that the unbelieving spouse is saved because they're spouses.

    27:01-27:03

    That is not what that means.

    27:03-27:06

    The Bible is crystal clear on salvation.

    27:06-27:09

    Salvation is an individual transaction.

    27:10-27:14

    You can't get saved because of somebody else.

    27:14-27:18

    Biblically, you have to make the choice to turn from your sin.

    27:19-27:20

    You have to make the choice to repent.

    27:21-27:27

    You have to make the choice that you are going to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

    27:28-27:35

    It doesn't matter how good of a Christian your grandmama was, or your mama, or your spouse.

    27:35-27:36

    It doesn't matter.

    27:37-27:38

    You're not saved.

    27:38-27:40

    It's not like group raid here, all right?

    27:42-27:46

    You're saved by you making the choice.

    27:47-27:49

    You're like, all right, so what's he talking about here?

    27:50-27:57

    Well, it's a big fancy theological term that's known as matrimonial sanctification.

    27:58-28:01

    Impress your friends, drop that in conversation this week.

    28:02-28:03

    Do you have a water cooler at your workplace?

    28:03-28:04

    Drop that.

    28:05-28:08

    Yes, we were talking about matrimonial sanctification at church.

    28:10-28:12

    And they're like, "Oh, what is that?" And you'll tell them.

    28:13-28:18

    Well, in God's eyes, if one spouse is saved, there's blessing for everyone in the house.

    28:20-28:22

    I mean, think about it this way.

    28:25-28:26

    Think about it this way.

    28:26-28:36

    Imagine this married couple, you have this married couple, and the wife's parents die, and they leave her an inheritance.

    28:39-28:40

    They leave her a speedboat.

    28:42-28:44

    Now husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    28:48-28:48

    No?

    28:49-28:50

    All right, let me try something else.

    28:52-28:55

    Her parents left her a Harley Davidson.

    28:56-28:58

    Husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    29:00-29:02

    Yeah, some of you.

    29:02-29:03

    All right, let me try this again.

    29:06-29:08

    Her parents left her a monster truck.

    29:08-29:11

    Husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    29:12-29:15

    Okay, this is really going to help for the second service.

    29:15-29:17

    Do you see the point?

    29:17-29:18

    You got the inheritance.

    29:19-29:26

    You know, you're driving grave digger down the road, but you had nothing to do with that, right?

    29:27-29:31

    You were blessed just because your wife received an inheritance.

    29:31-29:33

    It's the same principle at play here.

    29:34-29:35

    You're blessed by association.

    29:37-29:43

    In the same way, in marriage, two become one, and when God blesses one, the other gets blessed.

    29:43-29:48

    I mean, it's not salvation, but it's better than two pagans being married to each other.

    29:49-29:49

    Right?

    29:49-30:05

    Think of the blessing that comes to the non-Christian spouse when the Christian spouse is exhibiting the fruit of the Holy Spirit, when the Christian spouse is showing humility and love and service and selflessness.

    30:05-30:09

    And how could you not be blessed being in a house like that?

    30:13-30:14

    That's what he's talking about.

    30:16-30:23

    Oh, and regarding the salvation piece, look, nobody can deny the influence the believing spouse has.

    30:23-30:32

    I've heard the story so many times of people getting saved because of the witness that their Christian spouse has had.

    30:34-30:39

    So if you're in this situation, if your spouse is unsaved, God wants to reach them through you.

    30:41-30:43

    So let him see Christ in you.

    30:45-30:48

    And you're like, "Well, that's well and good, but what if we have kids, right?

    30:48-30:53

    I mean, I'm saved, he's not.

    30:53-30:59

    Does that make our kids like half pagan?" No, no, it really doesn't.

    30:59-31:01

    Look at the rest of verse 14.

    31:02-31:16

    Paul says, "Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." See, even if you have kids with a non-Christian, your kids are also made holy through that.

    31:16-31:16

    Same principle.

    31:17-31:23

    Your kids are also blessed through that because God sees your marriage as holy, so He's going to see your kids as holy.

    31:24-31:30

    So if you're married to a non-Christian who wants to stay married, God's going to bless the family.

    31:31-31:34

    Stay married if they want to stay.

    31:36-31:38

    All right, one more.

    31:39-31:42

    One more group we didn't cover, and that's the last one here.

    31:43-31:48

    Let's say someone is married to a non-Christian, and that non-Christian is like, "I want out.

    31:49-31:55

    Like look, I didn't sign up for all this Jesus stuff, all this Bible study stuff.

    31:55-31:57

    I didn't sign up for all this church stuff.

    31:58-31:58

    I'm not interested.

    31:59-32:00

    I'm not a religious person.

    32:01-32:05

    I want out." So what do you do when you're married to a non-Christian who wants to leave?

    32:05-32:07

    The answer is, let them go.

    32:09-32:10

    Let them go.

    32:14-32:15

    Look at verse 15.

    32:15-32:33

    He says, "But if the unbelieving partner separates," that's divorce, look what he says, "let it be so." If the non-Christian spouse initiates a divorce, Paul says they can go.

    32:37-32:38

    And I know the reaction.

    32:38-32:39

    You're like, "Wait, wait.

    32:39-32:40

    Well, that means I'm stuck.

    32:41-32:49

    You know, I wanted to save this marriage, and they divorced me, and now I can never get remarried again because they left me.

    32:49-32:53

    So I'm stuck, right?" Paul doesn't say that.

    32:56-32:57

    Paul doesn't say that.

    32:57-33:04

    Paul was clear on situations where you had to be remaining unmarried.

    33:04-33:05

    We saw that in verse 11.

    33:06-33:11

    He was clear in those situations, and he could have said that here, but he didn't.

    33:13-33:14

    You can remarry.

    33:14-33:22

    If you are married to a non-Christian that abandons you, initiates a divorce, and leaves you, you can remarry.

    33:23-33:24

    Look at the rest of verse 15.

    33:25-33:30

    He says, "In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved." God has called you to peace.

    33:31-33:32

    Not enslaved.

    33:33-33:34

    Like, not enslaved to what?

    33:35-33:37

    He's talking about free from being bound to the marriage.

    33:38-33:39

    That's what he's talking about.

    33:41-33:53

    See Romans 7, 2 says, "For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives." That's what he's talking about here in 1 Corinthians 7.

    33:53-33:55

    That's the bound to the marriage.

    33:55-33:57

    He goes, "You're not enslaved.

    33:57-33:58

    You're not bound anymore.

    34:01-34:19

    You're no longer bound to the marriage." Now look, I know some sermons are easier to preach than others, and divorce is a very touchy subjects.

    34:26-34:27

    It's always painful.

    34:28-34:29

    It always brings regret and hurt.

    34:30-34:30

    I know that.

    34:33-34:40

    So I want to take a moment and I want to be clear on my best understanding on the subject biblically.

    34:42-34:43

    All right?

    34:44-34:46

    I don't want there to be any ambiguity.

    34:47-34:48

    I want to be clear.

    34:48-35:00

    I believe that there is only one cause for divorce biblically, and that is hardness of heart.

    35:04-35:05

    Like, why do I think that?

    35:05-35:08

    Well, Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19, eight.

    35:09-35:09

    This is what he said.

    35:10-35:24

    He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce." Jesus said divorce was allowed through Moses, through the law, because of hardness of heart.

    35:25-35:27

    Again divorce is allowed, not commanded.

    35:30-35:30

    Right?

    35:31-35:32

    Allowed not commanded.

    35:34-35:38

    But the question is, how do you know when someone is hard hearted?

    35:40-35:43

    Towards their spouse or towards their marriage, right?

    35:45-35:46

    Kind of a hard thing to gauge, isn't it?

    35:47-35:52

    Well Jesus said, "I can divorce you if you're hard-hearted." Well you seem hard-hearted to me, I'm getting divorced.

    35:52-35:53

    How do you know?

    35:54-36:07

    Well biblically there are two ways that hard-heartedness manifests, and both begin with the letter A. It's affair and abandonment.

    36:11-36:12

    Jesus spoke on a fair.

    36:13-36:30

    Matthew 19, 9, Jesus says, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery." Now again, divorce is allowed, but not commanded.

    36:30-36:39

    Understand this, when this happens in a marriage, that doesn't mean you are required to get a divorce.

    36:39-36:43

    I can tell you so many stories of marriages where this did happen.

    36:43-36:51

    And there was much repentance and seeking the Lord, and marriages are on track better than they were on their honeymoon.

    36:55-37:05

    But when someone is committed to having relations with people outside the marriage, Jesus says that's evidence of hard-heartedness.

    37:06-37:08

    Moses allowed for divorce for that.

    37:08-37:17

    Here, Paul is addressing the other manifestation of hard-heartedness, and that's abandonment.

    37:18-37:22

    That if your non-Christian spouse divorces you, abandons you, you are free.

    37:24-37:27

    That's how you know your spouse is hard-hearted.

    37:29-37:35

    When they are willing to engage in relations with someone else, they're hard-hearted towards you.

    37:35-37:41

    Or when they're like, "I'm fine to just walk away from this marriage.

    37:41-37:43

    I'm fine to walk away from our vows.

    37:43-37:50

    I'm fine to walk away from that." Those are evidences of hard-heartedness.

    37:54-37:57

    And Jesus says abandonment is like adultery.

    37:57-37:59

    I'm sorry, Paul says abandonment here is like adultery.

    38:00-38:01

    You are called to peace.

    38:05-38:10

    You are not called to fighting a non-Christian to stay in a marriage that they are committed to getting out of.

    38:12-38:13

    One more verse.

    38:15-38:20

    Paul says, "For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?

    38:21-38:31

    Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" You know, people are really divided on what this verse means.

    38:35-38:41

    Some people think this verse means, "Well, you don't know if you're going to save your spouse, so let them go.

    38:41-38:43

    I mean, you have no guarantees, just let them go.

    38:44-38:56

    There's no promises are going to come to Christ, if they say let them go." That's what some people think, but other people think this means, "No, no, no, you might be the one that God uses to save them, so you should try to save your marriage at any cost.

    38:59-39:00

    I lean towards the latter.

    39:04-39:05

    There's no guarantees either way.

    39:05-39:06

    You don't know.

    39:08-39:10

    You don't know what God's doing.

    39:13-39:18

    So you better be sure that you did all you could to save the marriage.

    39:20-39:23

    I personally believe that this verse pumps the brakes.

    39:26-39:38

    This verse, as one person I read this past week said, this verse tempers any tendency that just easily give up on the marriage.

    39:41-39:45

    Because some people are just so quick to run to divorce as like option one.

    39:47-39:56

    Again, if things are hard now, how do you know that God isn't using you to reach your spouse?

    39:58-40:00

    Our worship team would make their way back up front.

    40:07-40:16

    Paul continues, and I think he's doubling down on some of these things because some of it's hard to accept and some of it's hard to hear.

    40:17-40:20

    But again, Paul reminds us that singleness is God's gift for some.

    40:23-40:25

    Marriage is God's gift for the rest.

    40:28-40:30

    One of these four sermons applies to you.

    40:32-40:37

    So whichever it is, go after it with the reverence and with the sacredness that God has called you to.

    40:38-40:39

    Let's pray.

    40:41-40:52

    Father in heaven, we're asking today, Father, that your Holy Spirit be at work in our hearts.

    40:54-41:03

    When we talk about singleness and divorce and all these things, it's such an emotional subject because there are people here that have been deeply wounded by these things.

    41:06-41:12

    And we by no means, Father, wanna kick someone when they're down or rub salt on the wound.

    41:12-41:15

    We just, we wanna take an honest look at what your word has to say.

    41:17-41:19

    Father, we thank you for your grace.

    41:19-41:21

    We thank you that you are the God of miracles.

    41:21-41:35

    We thank you, God, that no matter how badly things might have gotten in marriage, whether it was able to be saved or not, God, there's always hope with you.

    41:35-41:37

    There's always healing with you.

    41:39-41:40

    That's why we come to you.

    41:40-41:51

    Father, I pray for all of us that we would take a hard look at the place you have us right now, because there's something in here for each one of us.

    41:55-41:59

    And that we would go after it, trusting you to always do what you promised.

    42:00-42:02

    We pray in Jesus' name, amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 7:8-16

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Explain 1 Cor 7:14. How is the nonChristian spouse made holy because of a Christian spouse? What does that mean?

  3. If you are married to a nonChristian who wants out of the marriage (1 Cor 7:15), how do you know when to grant their divorce (when to stop trying to save the marriage, asking for counseling, etc)?

  4. Why should you allow a nonChristian to divorce and leave a Christian (v15)? Is the believing spouse free to remarry? Why or why not?

Breakout

Pray for one another.

What About Sex and Marriage?

Introduction:

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Enjoying Your Gift from God. (1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

  1. Married? Enjoy God's Gift for MARRIAGE. (1 Cor 7:3-5)

    3 Laws of Marital Intimacy:

    1. The Law of DEBT. (1 Cor 7:3)

    2. The Law of OWNERSHIP. (1 Cor 7:4)

    3. The Law of HIATUS. (1 Cor 7:5)

  2. Single? Enjoy God's Gift of SINGLENESS. (1 Cor 7:6-7)

    Matthew 19:10-12 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

Question and Answer: What About Sex and Marriage?
Jeff Miller
  • 00:36-00:41

    Open up those Bibles to 1 Corinthians 7.

    00:43-00:51

    And as we said last week, it's going to continue for the next few weeks because we go where the text goes.

    00:54-01:00

    And today we're going to be talking about the relationship between a man and his wife.

    01:03-01:44

    discretion advised. We are going to be direct, but you know some pastors want to be like edgy by kind of pushing the envelope there and that's I don't think that's cool, but I do think we need to teach the Bible straightforwardly. So we are going to be direct but not explicit, okay? So whether you're sitting here or streaming this from home, parents you decide. If you saw last week's message that would be a good gauge as to whether or not your kids should hear this one.

    01:44-02:01

    But again I'll remind you that somebody's talking to your kids about this. I think you should really consider you know whether it's time for them to hear this from God, what He says about these matters.

    02:02-02:17

    Alright, so with that said, let's just bow our heads. I'm going to ask that you would please take a moment and pray for me to be faithful to clearly communicate what God said and I will pray for you to receive what it is that this passage teaches today. Let's pray.

    02:23-02:28

    Father in heaven, we are once again turning to Your Word for wisdom.

    02:33-02:38

    And we're dealing with what is going to be for many here a sensitive subject.

    02:38-03:05

    And I pray, Father, against distractions, and I also pray that our hearts and minds are open to what You actually say in Your Word. Not our opinion or not what we think your word might say about these matters, but to examine what it is that you have said, and that we would be faithful to apply.

    03:08-03:53

    Come meet us now, Lord, through the proclamation of your word, we pray in Jesus' name, and all of God's people said, "Amen." Amen. Many years ago, I was leading Bible study the prison, and one man raised his hand. He said, "I have a question. I have a question about what happens when we die." Well, I was ready for this. You should have heard. You should have heard the sermon. It's probably the best sermon I ever gave. It was just both barrels, and I explained to him, "Okay, first of all, let me explain how death came into the world. We went through Genesis chapter 3. Death We need Jesus Christ.

    03:54-03:56

    Jesus died on the cross to take our sin away.

    03:56-03:59

    He rose from the dead to give us eternal life.

    03:59-04:00

    We all need the gospel.

    04:00-04:05

    And if you've received Christ, when you die, the Bible says you are in the presence of the Lord.

    04:05-04:10

    Okay, and someday he is going to come and he's going to take his people to be with him.

    04:10-04:12

    John chapter 14, we talked about the rapture.

    04:13-04:17

    But if you have not received Christ, I talked about the tribulation that's coming after the rapture.

    04:18-04:21

    There's seven years of just hell on earth.

    04:21-04:26

    and then Christ returns, and I talked about all the millennial kingdom, right?

    04:26-04:41

    And then after the kingdom, there's the great white throne judgment, and at that point, you know, if you die and you're not in Christ, you do go to a place of suffering, Luke 16, but then you're thrown into the lake of fire at the great white throne judgment, and you should have heard it.

    04:41-04:44

    It was comprehensive.

    04:47-04:49

    So I got done, it was about 20 minutes.

    04:50-04:57

    I got done and I said, "So, does that answer your question?" He stared at me blankly.

    04:59-05:01

    And he goes, "No."

    05:02-05:03

    (congregation laughing)

    05:04-05:25

    I said, "Why not?" He goes, "I just wanted to know "if we become angels when we die." And I said, "No." He goes, "Okay, thanks." And I learned that day to answer the question that's being asked.

    05:27-05:30

    Well, the Corinthians, they had a lot of questions.

    05:31-05:35

    They had a lot of questions about marriage, about idols, about women in church, about the Lord's Supper.

    05:36-05:38

    Look at chapter 7 verse 1.

    05:39-05:45

    Paul says, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote," stop there, we're entering a new section, okay?

    05:45-05:49

    He talked about the church unified, chapters 1-4.

    05:50-05:55

    He talked about the church purified, chapters 5-6.

    05:56-05:58

    And now you can see there's a shift.

    05:59-06:06

    He says, "You sent me questions and I'm going to give you answers now to the questions that you sent me." Do you see that?

    06:07-06:09

    And first up, marriage.

    06:12-06:13

    You're going to be shocked.

    06:13-06:14

    I'm glad you're sitting down.

    06:15-06:17

    But the Corinthians had a lot of problems when it came to marriage.

    06:20-06:28

    But you know, the problems that we bring into marriage are our own doing, because the Bible was clear on marriage.

    06:30-06:34

    Genesis 2.24, this is the most important verse in the Bible about marriage.

    06:34-06:38

    I know this because when asked, this is the verse that Jesus quoted.

    06:39-06:42

    When writing about marriage, this was the verse that Paul kept quoting.

    06:42-06:55

    The most important verse in the Bible about marriage says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." It's clear.

    06:55-07:00

    You leave, you join to your wife, and then the two become one.

    07:02-07:10

    Jesus was asked about marriage, divorce, all these matters, Matthew 19, we're going to talk about this later, but Jesus made, it was very clear.

    07:11-07:15

    Jesus said marriage is between a man and a woman.

    07:15-07:19

    Jesus said in a marriage, it's two people that are brought together by God.

    07:19-07:24

    Jesus said it's two becoming one, and He said it's meant to be unbroken.

    07:24-07:25

    That's God's design.

    07:28-07:32

    Bible's clear about marriage.

    07:32-07:38

    But in Paul's day, the Corinthian culture, there were basically four different ways to get married.

    07:38-07:51

    I'm just gonna, I don't usually like to preach my homework, But this might be helpful to give us some context as we go through this section, because there are a lot of ways that people got married in that day, all right?

    07:52-07:54

    So one way was for slaves.

    07:54-07:56

    Slaves weren't considered people, they were considered property.

    07:57-08:02

    So for slaves, the owner had the right to just pronounce them married.

    08:02-08:08

    If there were two slaves that wanted to get married, it's like, okay, you two are married, so you go stay over there or whatever.

    08:09-08:09

    And that was it.

    08:11-08:14

    There was also, in that day, common law marriage.

    08:14-08:20

    People that were living together unmarried for a year were considered married at that point.

    08:21-08:23

    A third way is a father selling his daughter.

    08:26-08:30

    And then the fourth way was the sort of the official Roman way.

    08:32-08:37

    Interestingly, it's through the Roman customs where we get our customs for marriage.

    08:37-08:38

    Did you know that?

    08:39-08:44

    from veil to flowers to vows to ring to cake, all came from the Roman culture.

    08:47-08:49

    So here's the point of all that.

    08:50-08:57

    In this section, Paul is teaching the sacredness of marriage no matter how you got there.

    08:57-09:07

    Okay, because there's going to be a lot of people that could raise objections, "But I was married this way, but I..." Paul's like, "However you got there, we're dealing with from here forward.

    09:08-09:10

    Let's talk about the sacredness of marriage.

    09:12-09:14

    They were a culture that had a high divorce rate.

    09:16-09:28

    They were a culture that had homosexuality, a culture of affairs, a culture of, believe it or not, feminists, and a culture of - we talked about this recently - prostitution.

    09:30-09:32

    So it's a culture a lot like ours.

    09:32-10:03

    There's nothing really new here as far as the kind of sin that they had to deal with with the same stuff. So the question is, "Well, what about sex and marriage?" Well, again, you're going to be shocked, and I'm glad you're sitting down, but the Corinthians had something else that they were divisive over, and that is this. Should you get married, or should you be single?

    10:06-10:08

    Which is the godly path?

    10:09-10:10

    That's the issue on the table here.

    10:11-10:13

    Which is the godly path, married or single?

    10:14-10:20

    Because some people said that righteousness is everybody must get married.

    10:21-10:22

    That was the Jewish mindset, by the way.

    10:23-10:24

    Everybody must get married.

    10:24-10:27

    You're not really fully righteous unless you're married.

    10:27-10:30

    In fact, you couldn't be a member of the Sanhedrin unless you were married.

    10:31-10:38

    So the Jews especially said, "Look, what's right is everybody has to get married." But then there's the other camp.

    10:40-10:42

    And the other camp said, "No, no, no, no.

    10:42-10:43

    No one should get married.

    10:43-10:45

    I mean, have you been paying attention?

    10:46-10:48

    Sexual sin is completely out of control.

    10:49-10:50

    Marriage is hard.

    10:50-10:57

    So being single and never touching a woman, that's the godly way.

    10:57-11:00

    In fact, you want to be godly.

    11:00-11:03

    If you're married and you want this godly path, you're just going to have to get out of your marriage.

    11:04-11:05

    Both of you be single.

    11:06-11:07

    That is more spiritual.

    11:08-11:09

    That is more devoted to God.

    11:09-11:13

    If you're single, you are more devoted to God.

    11:13-11:17

    And you know, there's people today that still hold that mindset, like in the Catholic church.

    11:17-11:18

    All right?

    11:18-11:19

    Priests don't get married.

    11:19-11:20

    Nuns don't get married.

    11:20-11:20

    Why?

    11:20-11:24

    Because you're devoted to God, and you can't really be devoted to God if you're married.

    11:27-11:30

    Well, what does the Bible say about that?

    11:31-11:35

    Well, let's see how Paul answers this under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

    11:35-11:36

    Look at verse 1 again.

    11:36-11:48

    "Now, concerning the matters about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." Okay, stop there.

    11:48-11:50

    He goes, okay, first of all, it's good.

    11:51-11:53

    He didn't say it's the only good.

    11:54-11:54

    Okay?

    11:55-11:59

    Paul's not saying singleness is better than marriage.

    11:59-12:01

    He's not saying it's worse than marriage.

    12:01-12:09

    All he's saying in verse 1 is, "It's not wrong to be single." It is a fine option if you're single.

    12:11-12:12

    But there's another option.

    12:13-12:13

    Look at verse 2.

    12:14-12:36

    He says, "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." So Paul says, "The other option, which is marriage, is good too." I mean we saw this, right?

    12:36-12:42

    Chapters 5 and 6, there was so much sexual immorality in the church.

    12:42-12:44

    They tolerated sexual sin.

    12:44-12:46

    They excused sexual sin.

    12:46-12:48

    There was no sacredness for marriage.

    12:48-12:49

    Huge problem.

    12:49-12:56

    So you see, in Corinth and here, it is hard to be pure because of temptation.

    12:57-12:58

    That's what Paul is teaching here.

    12:59-13:04

    Because there are so many ways to sin sexually.

    13:08-13:14

    So Paul here says, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, get a spouse.

    13:16-13:28

    Notice he says, "Get your own spouse." design. It's one man for one woman and that one woman for that one man. That is how God designed it. Get your own.

    13:30-14:11

    So Paul is saying physical desires are natural and should be enjoyed the way God designed them to be enjoyed. All right? So we're gonna play a quick game here. We're gonna play a game called "Which is Good?" I'm gonna give you a list of two options and you're gonna shout out which is good. You ready for this? You ready? Come on, don't lay an egg here. I need you. I need you. I'll start over. I mean I'll start way over at the beginning. We'll bring the worship team up. We'll start the whole thing over. All right, so you You ready to shout it out?

    14:11-14:13

    Which is good, country music or rock music?

    14:13-14:14

    Rock.

    14:16-14:18

    The answer is both.

    14:20-14:21

    All right, which is good?

    14:22-14:22

    You ready?

    14:22-14:23

    Try again.

    14:23-14:24

    I'm gonna give you another chance.

    14:25-14:26

    Which is good, pancakes or waffles?

    14:27-14:28

    Both.

    14:28-14:31

    Both are good, okay?

    14:32-14:35

    All right, I think some of you are getting the hang of it.

    14:35-14:36

    Let's try one more.

    14:37-14:39

    Which is good, baseball or football?

    14:41-14:42

    (congregation exclaims)

    14:49-14:50

    I'm sorry, the answer is both.

    14:52-14:53

    All right, one more, you ready?

    14:55-14:57

    Which is good, being single or being married?

    14:58-14:58

    Both.

    14:59-14:59

    Both.

    15:02-15:02

    Both.

    15:04-15:05

    The answer's both.

    15:08-15:12

    Paul says here - look, if you don't get that, you're going to miss the whole sermon, so you've got to get this.

    15:12-15:17

    Paul says here in this passage, look, what you have, church, you have two good options.

    15:19-15:22

    Okay? You have two good gifts from God.

    15:22-15:24

    You can't have them both at the same time, by the way.

    15:24-15:26

    I think I don't have to explain that.

    15:27-15:29

    But you have two good options, two good gifts of God.

    15:30-15:31

    Single is good.

    15:32-15:34

    And married is good.

    15:35-15:37

    That's Paul's point here in these first two verses.

    15:37-16:13

    expounds on each. So on your outline, draw some things down here. Enjoying your gift from God. Number one, married. Are you married? Are you married? Well, enjoy God's gift for marriage. Okay, now Paul here starts with marriage because it's the norm. Most people are married. Again, one's not better or worse. Most people are married, so that's where he And again in Corinth, many thought you had greater devotion to God if you avoided physical relations.

    16:14-16:14

    But there's a problem.

    16:15-16:22

    There are some people that thought you have greater devotion to God by avoiding physical relations even if you're married.

    16:25-16:37

    And all the men said, "What?" And it's good to not touch a woman even if you're married, and especially if she's not a believer, or vice versa.

    16:37-16:47

    If your husband's not a believer, they believe that, look, if you're married to a non-believer, you definitely should not be engaging in any kind of relationship that way.

    16:48-16:50

    That was what the people thought.

    16:51-16:53

    So here in these verses, Paul's saying, look, are you married?

    16:53-16:58

    Then you should enjoy regular times of intimacy.

    17:01-17:04

    You should enjoy regular times of intimacy.

    17:05-17:20

    And you're like, "Oh, isn't that obvious?" And the answer is it must not be because God spent some time here in His Word explaining some things.

    17:21-17:22

    So I don't think it is so obvious.

    17:24-17:35

    So what we have here are three laws, three principles for married couples regarding God's design for healthy marital relations, okay?

    17:37-17:42

    So we're just gonna break these down by calling them the three laws of marital intimacy.

    17:43-17:45

    The three laws of marital intimacy.

    17:48-17:51

    First of all, letter A, let's talk about the law of debt.

    17:52-18:00

    If you're married, if you're married, You should be enjoying your spouse physically.

    18:01-18:03

    And here's the three guidelines, three laws for that.

    18:03-18:05

    The first one, the law of debt.

    18:05-18:06

    Look at verse three.

    18:07-18:22

    He says, "The husband should give to his wife "her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband." Stop there, that's the law of debt.

    18:22-18:23

    You're like, why do you say debt?

    18:23-18:26

    Because do you know in the Greek, it's literally the debt.

    18:26-18:30

    literally in the Greek, it says the husband should give the wife the debt.

    18:31-18:34

    And the wife should give her husband the debt.

    18:34-18:36

    That's what it says.

    18:37-18:47

    Also in the Greek, it's a continuous verb, meaning, Paul's saying husbands and wives, you should continuously be paying a debt to one another physically.

    18:50-18:57

    Now listen, the physical part of your marriage is not the most important part of your marriage.

    19:00-19:06

    But, it is a very important part of your marriage.

    19:08-19:09

    Okay, I'm gonna say that again.

    19:09-19:13

    I don't know if I've ever been so careful about the way I worded things in a sermon.

    19:15-19:20

    Because I don't want anybody to misunderstand, and I know there's a lot of things that can be easily misunderstood here, so I'm gonna say that again.

    19:21-19:27

    The physical part of your marriage is not the most important thing, but it is a very important thing.

    19:28-19:42

    And Paul here says, "You owe it to your spouse to allow your spouse to enjoy this." Listen, this is a very sensitive subject.

    19:42-19:43

    I know that.

    19:43-19:46

    Because there are people that have endured abuse.

    19:47-19:50

    There are people who are emotionally scarred.

    19:50-19:52

    There are people that have health issues.

    19:52-20:01

    And these things make regular, normal relations more difficult.

    20:06-20:08

    It might require extra work.

    20:08-20:12

    It might require coming to see one of our pastors for counseling.

    20:12-20:14

    We can help you with that.

    20:14-20:17

    If this is an issue in your marriage, we can help you.

    20:22-20:24

    But the principle here is very clear.

    20:26-20:29

    If you're married, you are expected to go after this.

    20:32-20:39

    God's design is that husbands and wives enjoy meeting each other's needs.

    20:44-20:59

    There's a book in the Bible all about that, by the way, right? Song of Solomon. That's what And I know there's some scholars that are like, "The Song of Solomon, you know what the Song of Solomon is about, Pastor Taylor?

    20:59-21:00

    You know what it's about.

    21:00-21:08

    The Song of Solomon is about the love relationship between Jesus and the church." Spoken like someone who never read the Song of Solomon.

    21:09-21:10

    It's not about that.

    21:12-22:19

    It is about a couple enjoying the physical aspect of their relationship, their love for another and all its expressions of that love, that's what it's about. God wants you to enjoy each other. I've heard stories of couples that only come together for a physical relationship when it's time to procreate, almost like it's some business exchange. And look, if that happens. If that happens, awesome, awesome. We'll always make room in the nursery. But to reduce the purpose of that just for procreation is still missing the point. The purpose of sex in marriage is intimacy. That's the purpose. It's not just a physical act. It's an act that strengthens love and is an act that sustains love.

    22:21-22:30

    But I know, listen, somebody can read this verse, "The husband should give to his wife the debt." Likewise, the wife give to her husband the debt.

    22:30-22:34

    Somebody can look at this verse and say, "That sounds so violating.

    22:36-22:38

    You mean to tell me…." Is that what you're saying?

    22:39-22:47

    I can't… What a patriarchal, male chauvinist church this is, that you're telling me that I can be forced to pay the debt.

    22:48-22:48

    Right?

    22:48-22:49

    Is that what you're saying?

    22:50-22:51

    Not even close.

    22:53-22:58

    And I would say that if that's your takeaway, then all due respect, you are completely reading the verse wrong.

    23:02-23:02

    Listen closely.

    23:03-23:10

    He's not saying that we go into our marriage relationship saying, "You owe me!" No, no, no, no.

    23:12-23:13

    Not lording it over.

    23:14-23:20

    It's not "You owe me!" It's the mindset of "I owe you." It's submission.

    23:23-23:26

    Notice he says to give the debt.

    23:26-23:27

    He doesn't say take the debt.

    23:27-23:28

    Do you notice that?

    23:29-23:32

    He doesn't say, "Husbands, go take what she owes you.

    23:32-23:35

    Wives, go take what he owes you." He doesn't say that.

    23:36-23:43

    He says in mutual submission, you have to give what you owe your spouse.

    23:45-23:46

    That's what he says.

    23:47-23:52

    A healthy marriage always focuses on the other person's needs.

    23:55-23:59

    And that applies also specifically here to intimacy.

    24:01-24:02

    That's what we're saying.

    24:05-24:09

    Give your wife, give to her what you owe her.

    24:10-24:12

    Wives, give to husbands what you owe him.

    24:12-24:13

    It's mutual submission.

    24:16-24:16

    All right?

    24:16-24:17

    So that's the law of debt.

    24:18-24:20

    Secondly, we have letter B, the law of ownership.

    24:22-24:23

    Law of ownership, look at verse 4.

    24:24-24:32

    And he goes on, "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

    24:32-24:40

    Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Stop there.

    24:40-24:43

    Again, please do not read it wrongly.

    24:43-24:48

    Don't go through this and totally miss what he's saying because it would be easy to do.

    24:48-24:52

    This is not a pass for abuse.

    24:54-25:05

    This is, listen, this verse is not allowing for any kind of situation where someone is being forced into something in any way.

    25:06-25:08

    It is not saying that whatsoever.

    25:08-25:19

    You're like, "Well, what is it saying then?" In marriage, listen, when you make the decision to marry someone, you have released the authority of your body to your spouse.

    25:20-25:22

    And again, in the Greek, that's continual.

    25:23-25:26

    What you have in marriage is an exclusive claim.

    25:27-25:34

    It's saying no one else owns my body the way that my spouse does, and that includes me.

    25:36-25:37

    That's what he's saying.

    25:38-25:43

    He's speaking again of a mutual love and selflessness.

    25:44-25:45

    That's what he's talking about.

    25:47-25:55

    He's talking about a mentality of a husband going before his wife and saying, "Hey, hey, this is all yours.

    25:57-26:04

    This is all yours." And then the wife in turn turns to her husband and says, "Yeah, and you know what, baby?

    26:05-26:06

    This is all yours.

    26:11-26:14

    So have fun." That's what he's saying.

    26:18-26:20

    There's the law of death, there's the law of ownership.

    26:21-26:23

    Letter C, there's the law of hiatus.

    26:24-26:25

    The law of hiatus.

    26:26-26:27

    Look at verse 5.

    26:30-26:55

    He says, "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." The law of hiatus.

    26:57-26:59

    Again, he goes, "Stop depriving.

    26:59-27:07

    Stop depriving." Again, the Corinthian culture, "Oh, it's holy to deprive my spouse." No, he goes, "It's not holy.

    27:08-27:08

    It's just not.

    27:09-27:14

    Do not deprive each other, husbands and wives, do not deprive each other.

    27:15-27:16

    He says there is an exception.

    27:18-27:19

    There are rules for hiatus.

    27:22-27:23

    There are rules for hiatus, right?

    27:24-27:28

    First part of the rule, number one, is agree, right?

    27:29-27:30

    Agree.

    27:32-27:33

    That means consent.

    27:33-27:38

    That means it's not just one person making the decision.

    27:41-27:43

    It's not the wife saying, "You know what, honey?

    27:43-27:50

    I've really been thinking about this, and I decided we're taking a hiatus." And the husband's like, "Wait, what?

    27:51-27:52

    That's not how it works.

    27:52-28:00

    There has to be an agreement on that, all right?" And also number two, it says for a limited time.

    28:02-28:29

    a limited time. It's temporary. Again, that time should be agreed upon. You're like, "All right, well, why are we taking a break?" Well, he says very specifically, "If you two decide to take a break for a time from having normal relations, it should be for prayer." And he's not talking about prayer in general. I think he's talking about praying for something specific.

    28:31-28:43

    Maybe there's something in your life that is so burdening, so distracting, that you probably can't even enjoy intimacy in that season.

    28:43-28:45

    Do you know what I'm talking about?

    28:46-28:58

    Maybe you have a child that is really sick and in the hospital and like, "I can't." Obviously neither of us are in the mood for this right now.

    28:58-28:58

    We need to pray.

    29:01-29:33

    there's the looming threat of a job loss and the stress that comes with, you know, what am I going to do to provide for my family? And you know what, sweetheart, I think we should take a break from this for a season and focus on praying for God's provision in this way. But you agree upon it and you set the boundary of time, but when you're like, man, I just can't get into it as I should, then you take a hiatus, you agree to pray.

    29:33-29:53

    But Paul says, "Then, then you have to come together again," he says, "so that you don't get tempted." But the first part of that verse says, "Do not deprive each other.

    29:55-29:57

    Stop depriving each other.

    30:03-30:08

    Husbands and wives, you cannot use sex to manipulate.

    30:11-30:19

    Or more accurately, you can't withhold sex to coerce or punish the other person.

    30:21-30:35

    Listen, when you do that, when you use that as coercion or punishment, what you're doing ultimately is only hurting your marriage.

    30:36-30:37

    That's what you're doing.

    30:39-30:42

    Notice he says, "Come together again." Why?

    30:42-30:43

    Why should we come together again?

    30:44-31:12

    may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. In other words, closing the kitchen makes you a partner of Satan. All right? Because the urge is still there, and now all of a sudden the person who is supposed to satisfy me absolutely refuses to do that.

    31:13-31:15

    And then what happens?

    31:21-31:23

    Bitterness is resentment.

    31:25-31:27

    Then the evil thoughts start to creep in, right?

    31:29-31:32

    I'm so sick of not having my needs met.

    31:32-31:35

    I'm so sick of the bedroom being so cold.

    31:37-31:39

    And eventually that leads to adultery.

    31:42-31:55

    to physical, you find somebody that's scratching the itch that you have, whether it is that emotional itch for affection, whether it's a physical itch.

    31:58-32:20

    And then it's justified because, and I've heard it hundreds of times over my ministry, justified because I'm in a loveless marriage." You know, marriages struggle and ultimately individuals walks with Christ struggle because they're so frustrated physically.

    32:21-32:29

    It's like I have this appetite and it's just not being met and nothing good comes from that married people.

    32:30-32:30

    Alright?

    32:33-32:35

    So this is from the Lord.

    32:37-32:39

    Enjoy each other as much as possible.

    32:40-32:40

    Okay?

    32:42-32:43

    It's fun.

    32:43-32:50

    It's God's idea and in this passage he reminds us it is the best help in avoiding temptation.

    32:55-32:56

    It's the best help in avoiding temptation.

    32:57-32:58

    Think about it this way.

    32:58-33:00

    Just imagine this scenario.

    33:01-33:02

    Imagine this scenario.

    33:02-33:09

    Husband wakes up and he comes downstairs and he sees that his wife is baking chocolate chip cookies.

    33:11-33:13

    Seven in the morning she's baking chocolate chip cookies.

    33:15-33:16

    What a great wife, right?

    33:17-33:18

    Oh, it gets better.

    33:18-33:47

    He's baking chocolate chip cookies and he sees on the counter, she's obviously been at it for a while because there's a plate and there's a stack of them. And his wife says, "Honey, have all the cookies that you want." And like the dutiful husband that he is, he sits down and he has one, three, six, ten of them! And you know how you feel after eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies, right?

    33:49-33:50

    Just me?

    33:52-33:52

    (audience laughing)

    33:54-33:57

    You know how you feel after you eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies, right?

    33:59-33:59

    Thank you.

    34:00-34:01

    Thank you.

    34:02-34:09

    Your wife says, "Sweetheart, before you go to work, "I want you to have as many of these cookies as you want, "and I wanna tell you something else, honey.

    34:10-34:17

    "When you come home, there's gonna be more." So, you indulge.

    34:20-34:22

    Let me ask you something, when you get to work, are you hungry for cookies?

    34:25-34:25

    No.

    34:26-34:27

    Thank you.

    34:28-34:29

    Thank you.

    34:30-34:33

    One of you is on board now, the rest of you will catch up.

    34:34-34:35

    No.

    34:35-34:39

    You get to work, you're not hungry for cookies.

    34:40-34:46

    So what happens when the co-worker comes over to you and says, "Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

    34:47-34:48

    Would you like a cookie?

    34:50-34:56

    What do you say?" You're like, "I am full.

    34:58-35:03

    You wouldn't believe how many cookies I ate before work today." Well, you probably wouldn't say that.

    35:08-35:09

    We need to cut that one.

    35:10-35:11

    (audience laughing)

    35:15-35:19

    You would say, too much Taylor?

    35:19-35:20

    Too, oh, okay.

    35:20-35:27

    You would say, if she says blink, blink, blink, would you like a cookie?

    35:27-35:29

    You would say, no, thank you.

    35:31-35:31

    I'm full.

    35:34-35:35

    I have all the cookies that I wanted.

    35:38-35:45

    And you know, if you go a long time without cookies, self-control is much harder when someone else offers you one.

    35:49-35:52

    So if you're married, enjoy the wedding present that God gave you.

    35:52-35:52

    Alright?

    35:54-35:56

    Number two, single?

    35:58-35:59

    Enjoy God's gift of singleness.

    36:02-36:04

    I'm going to touch on this quickly.

    36:04-36:04

    Why?

    36:05-36:08

    He goes way into more detail later.

    36:08-36:11

    But right now, understand the point of what he's saying now.

    36:11-36:14

    The point of what he's saying now is two good options, right?

    36:14-36:14

    Two good options.

    36:15-36:16

    Marriage, good option.

    36:16-36:20

    And he's like, let's talk about the other good option, being single.

    36:20-36:21

    Look at verse six.

    36:22-36:35

    He says, "Now as a concession, not a command, I say this." In other words, he's like, look, I'm not commanding everyone to get married.

    36:35-36:38

    I'm just putting this out there because of human needs.

    36:39-36:39

    Right?

    36:39-37:19

    Verse seven, he says, "I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." So Paul says, "I have this gift and I wish everyone had this gift." Paul's like, "You may not have this gift." Bible's clear, God gives different gifts to different people and some people are uniquely gifted by God for singleness.

    37:20-37:21

    Some people are.

    37:21-37:24

    Like that is from God himself.

    37:28-37:33

    Quickly, Jesus, Matthew chapter 19, again, we referenced this earlier.

    37:33-37:38

    He was speaking of marriage and divorce and adultery.

    37:38-37:41

    Look, Jesus, this is where Paul gets this.

    37:42-37:45

    Paul's just repeating what Jesus was saying here about singleness.

    37:46-38:07

    Like I said, Jesus just got done talking about marriage and divorce, and the disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But Jesus said to them, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only to those to whom it is given.

    38:09-38:19

    For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

    38:20-38:24

    Let the one who is able to receive this, receive it.

    38:26-38:28

    Same thing, same point.

    38:29-38:32

    Some people have a gift of singleness given by God.

    38:34-38:41

    If you're sitting here, you're like, "Man, I couldn't do it." Well, then you don't have the gift.

    38:43-38:45

    That's just all there is to it, right?

    38:47-38:48

    If you're sitting here and you're like, "You know what?

    38:48-38:59

    am single but I really don't want to be, then you don't have the gift. Because it's a gift from God to be single and content.

    39:02-39:17

    It's from God to be single and content, not single and consumed by lust. You don't have the gift if that's the case. Not if single and constantly tempted, you don't have the gift.

    39:17-39:23

    Not if single and constantly preoccupied by the fact that I am single, you don't have the gift.

    39:26-39:26

    Right?

    39:27-39:32

    But for some, it is a gift.

    39:33-39:45

    And there are definite advantages to this gift that we're going to talk about very shortly down the road, he picks up on that really in verse 32.

    39:46-39:56

    So Paul is saying to the Corinthians, "God's Word preserved by His Holy Spirit saying to us same thing." Look, don't judge the single people, right?

    39:57-39:58

    Don't judge the single people.

    39:58-40:04

    Maybe they have a gift from God to be single and content, to serve Him in a unique way.

    40:04-40:04

    Don't judge them.

    40:05-40:08

    And on the other hand, don't judge the married people either.

    40:09-40:24

    God has given the gift of marriage, and each side here, the single, the married, each has a gift, so enjoy yours how God intended." Our worship team would make their way up.

    40:25-40:35

    You know, in talking about this subject, it's hard to not think about how I heard of this subject when I was but a wee lad.

    40:38-40:46

    And you know, growing up, I thought, I'm just gonna be honest with you here, I thought sex was a bad, dirty thing.

    40:50-41:05

    Growing up, I thought sex was just this really, it was this really secretive, dirty thing that adults kind of whisper about, and you're like, "Why did you think that?" Because that was the only way it was ever presented.

    41:07-41:27

    And you know, so much church, so much church is, "Don't do this, don't do that, don't do this." So much church is, "Let me tell you everything that we're against." And too seldom does the church say what we're for.

    41:29-41:35

    But listen, sex is not a bad, dirty thing.

    41:38-41:41

    You realize God created it.

    41:43-41:45

    You realize the whole thing was His idea.

    41:46-41:52

    God is 100% for husbands and wives enjoying the heck out of it.

    41:55-41:56

    That's what he intended.

    41:58-42:01

    Sex to be one of life's greatest pleasures for a married couple.

    42:03-42:10

    So it's a gift for the married and the unmarried get the gift of not needing that wedding gift.

    42:10-42:13

    So, which is good?

    42:15-42:17

    Married or single?

    42:20-42:21

    Both are good.

    42:23-42:23

    Enjoy.

    42:24-42:25

    Let's pray.

    42:26-42:31

    Father in heaven, every good and perfect gift comes from above.

    42:32-42:55

    And I pray, Father, that you would give us eyes to see the way that you have blessed and gifted us and that we would use the gifts in a way that honors and glorifies you, whether it's single, to serve you in a unique way, whether it's married, to enjoy this picture of Christ and the church to enjoy the intimacy that comes from knowing somebody so deeply.

    42:57-43:01

    Whatever it is, God, let us recognize and enjoy.

    43:02-43:04

    And thank You and praise You for all of Your gifts.

    43:05-43:07

    We praise You in Jesus' name.

    43:07-43:08

    Amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 7:1-7

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Explain the “3 Laws of Marital Intimacy” in your own words (1 Cor 7:3-5).

  3. What does it mean that “the wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the husband does, (and vice-versa)”? Is this making allowance for some kind of coercion to intimacy? Why or why not?

  4. How would you respond to a single friend who asks, “How do I know if I have the gift of singleness?”

Breakout

Pray for one another.

Don't Excuse Sin

Introduction:

4 Things to Say To Yourself When You're Tempted: (1 Corinthians 6:12-20)

  1. I can't EXCUSE sin. (1 Cor 6:12-14)

  2. I am ONE with Christ. (1 Cor 6:15-17)

  3. God says to RUN from sexual sin. (1 Cor 6:18)

  4. My body BELONGS to God. (1 Cor 6:19-20)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

Get Unified: Don't Excuse Sin
Jeff Miller
  • 00:43-00:45

    What kind of a church is this?

    00:46-00:48

    We are a church that sits on four pillars.

    00:50-00:53

    We proclaim the authority of God's Word without apology.

    00:55-00:58

    We lift high the name of Jesus in worship.

    00:59-01:01

    We believe firmly in the power of prayer.

    01:02-01:05

    And we share the good news of Jesus with boldness.

    01:09-01:19

    Speaking of that first pillar, we're going through a series here Corinthians, and we go where the text takes us.

    01:21-01:23

    And today we're going to talk about sexual immorality.

    01:26-01:28

    I'm going to be direct but not explicit.

    01:28-01:33

    The question comes up, "Should my child listen to this?" But parental discretion advised.

    01:33-01:36

    Again, direct but not explicit.

    01:37-01:44

    I would encourage you parents, whether you're sitting here or whether you're streaming somebody's going to be talking to your kids about this.

    01:44-01:54

    You should be, but they're going to be hearing a lot of different opinions regarding matters of marriage and sexuality.

    01:54-01:56

    I think it might do them good to hear God's opinion of it.

    01:58-02:10

    So I'm just going to ask you would please pray for me to be faithful to communicate God's word clearly, and I will pray for you to have your heart open to receive what He wants to tell us today.

    02:17-02:30

    Father in heaven, let this not just be another sermon sat through, but let Your Word transform our hearts and minds.

    02:30-02:36

    Father, give us the faith to believe and act upon what You have already pronounced to be true.

    02:39-02:41

    Let this be the day of repentance.

    02:42-02:52

    Let this be a day of joy and celebration and truly embracing Your gifts.

    02:53-02:55

    Your Word says every good and perfect gift comes from above.

    02:56-02:57

    Father, we believe that.

    03:01-03:04

    And I thank You, Father, ahead of time for the work that You're going to do.

    03:05-03:12

    We pray in Jesus' name and all of God's people said, "Amen." Amen.

    03:12-03:33

    1 Corinthians chapter 6, we're in a series through 1 Corinthians called "Unified and Purified." Unified, that's the first four chapters, unified, where Paul says, "Church, collectively, get it together." Right?

    03:34-03:53

    In this next section that we're in, the church purified, Paul says, "Each of you, be who Jesus saved you to be." And today we are going to be talking about sexual immorality.

    03:54-04:14

    And those of you who have been going through this series with us might be saying at this point, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, maybe the cold is affecting your brain, but didn't we talk about that guy two weeks ago?" Oh, you think there was just one person in that church struggling with it.

    04:16-04:18

    Did you hurt your head when you fell off the turnip truck?

    04:19-04:19

    No.

    04:20-04:32

    There wasn't just one person at that church dealing with it, and I guarantee you there's There's not just one person in this church dealing with it.

    04:32-04:34

    Look down to verse 18.

    04:34-04:36

    This is the sermon.

    04:38-05:10

    Verse 18, Paul says, "Flee from sexual immorality." "Flee from sexual immorality." See, in Corinth, they were famous for their temple to Aphrodite, And their priestesses were actually prostitutes, and they would by those means help men worship according to their religion.

    05:12-05:14

    That was their context.

    05:16-05:20

    But the principles in this passage aren't limited to that.

    05:20-05:22

    And you have to get that.

    05:23-05:37

    You know, we don't want guys sitting here going, "Well, I'm doing pretty good because I've never been with a prostitute." Flea, sexual immorality, that word sexual immorality covers it all.

    05:38-05:54

    Whether it's an affair, or pornography, or one of these apps that allow you to meet up with people, it's anything outside of God's design for marriage and sexuality.

    05:55-05:59

    And look, there is nothing new under the sun.

    06:00-06:06

    The problem that this church had is the same problem that the church has today.

    06:06-06:07

    We touched on this a couple of weeks ago.

    06:08-06:08

    Here's the problem.

    06:09-06:13

    It's not viewing sex as sacred.

    06:14-06:14

    That's the problem.

    06:17-06:24

    We've turned this gift from God into some gross form of self-gratification.

    06:27-06:30

    So what is the purpose of sex?

    06:31-06:32

    What is it?

    06:33-06:38

    Well, what is the purpose of everything that God created?

    06:41-06:44

    The purpose of everything that God created is to glorify Him.

    06:46-06:48

    So what is the purpose of marital intimacy?

    06:50-06:51

    You're like, "Really?

    06:51-06:53

    To glorify God?" Yeah.

    06:54-06:54

    Yeah.

    06:55-07:01

    Need I remind you that the whole idea of marital intimacy was God's idea.

    07:01-07:08

    The whole idea that this was to be a pleasure shared between a married couple, that was God's plan.

    07:10-07:12

    He designed that, right?

    07:12-07:15

    Genesis tells us male and female, He created them.

    07:16-07:19

    The two shall become one flesh, Genesis 2.24.

    07:20-07:30

    That's the purpose of intimacy, but what's the objective of sex?

    07:30-07:33

    What's the objective of sexual relations?

    07:34-07:45

    Well, some would say, "Well, the objective is procreation, that's it." That's not the primary objective.

    07:47-07:55

    And for some, they would say, "It's pleasure." There's that, but that's not the primary objective of sex.

    07:56-07:59

    The primary objective is intimacy.

    08:03-08:05

    And you need to learn this statement from God's Word.

    08:08-08:10

    Intimacy is for those in the covenant.

    08:13-08:15

    Intimacy is for those in the covenant.

    08:18-08:26

    See under the new covenant, God desires the closest relationship possible that He can have with His people.

    08:26-08:27

    So what does He do?

    08:28-08:31

    He lives inside the heart of a believer.

    08:34-08:40

    And the Bible tells us that marriage and sex is a picture of the gospel.

    08:41-08:45

    The man representing Jesus, the woman representing the church.

    08:45-08:47

    Ephesians 5, you can read that later.

    08:48-08:49

    Same point though.

    08:51-08:54

    God's relationship with man, man's relationship with his wife.

    08:55-08:58

    Intimacy is for the covenant.

    09:01-09:05

    And sex is the physical manifestation.

    09:05-09:08

    It's the illustration of such intimacy.

    09:13-09:19

    Because in the covenant of marriage, the man representing Jesus is initiating a love relationship.

    09:20-09:28

    And the woman representing the church is receiving an intimacy that the two exclusively enjoy.

    09:29-09:39

    And the fact right now that people would hear something like that and start to snicker and start to giggle shows you the problem.

    09:41-09:43

    That the whole idea of sex has been perverted.

    09:45-09:47

    Like obviously, right?

    09:48-09:49

    Like how did that happen?

    09:52-09:56

    Well the Bible tells us when Adam and Eve sinned, they immediately noticed what?

    09:58-09:59

    They noticed that they were naked.

    10:00-10:01

    Isn't that strange?

    10:02-10:06

    Because up until that point, they only ever saw each other naked.

    10:07-10:15

    Now all of a sudden that sin is in the world, now they cast a whole new light on this.

    10:18-10:22

    But all of the sudden they had to cover themselves up.

    10:28-10:33

    There is a shame associated with sexuality because of sin.

    10:37-10:46

    God's wedding gift to men and women has been misused and abused and perverted.

    10:48-10:58

    And like the Corinthians, the world's profane, disgusting view of sex has been brought into the church.

    11:02-11:10

    And like them, there are many people here that are indulging in some form of sexual sin.

    11:15-11:18

    So what's it going to take to get you to break free?

    11:18-11:18

    What is it?

    11:21-11:23

    I've been doing this a long time.

    11:23-11:24

    I know how sermons work.

    11:24-11:27

    This is the part of the sermon where you get the stats, right?

    11:28-11:36

    You get the statistics on pornography and usage in the church and out the church.

    11:37-11:39

    That doesn't make a difference to people.

    11:41-11:49

    Or this is the part of the sermon where I can tell you the effect that pornography will have on your marriage and your relationships.

    11:49-12:05

    And I can get, you know, line graphs up there or quotes from brilliant scientists talking about the effect that it has on your marriage and the effect that it has on your brain, and that's not going to move anybody.

    12:07-12:11

    We could talk about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

    12:15-12:24

    I don't really think any of those things are very effective to get people on track with God's design for marital intimacy.

    12:25-12:27

    What we need is the power of the Holy Spirit.

    12:28-12:31

    What we need is the wisdom that comes from the Word of God.

    12:33-12:37

    So on your outline, that's what we're going after today.

    12:38-12:50

    That when you find yourself in a place of temptation, through this passage you're going to see, there's four things that you need to say to yourself when temptation shows up.

    12:52-12:52

    Alright?

    12:52-12:55

    Number one, break this down, I can't excuse sin.

    12:56-12:59

    I just can't excuse sin.

    13:04-13:12

    You see, the Corinthians, in their culture, they had some popular sayings that they used to excuse sin.

    13:12-13:14

    Look at your Bible, here's two of them.

    13:14-13:26

    Verse 12, "All things are lawful for me." Verse 13, "Food is meant for the stomach, and the stomach for food." Stop there.

    13:26-13:32

    Those were two of the sayings of the culture, two of the, you know, secular proverbs, so to speak.

    13:33-13:39

    But when they wanted to excuse and justify their sexual sin, they would say one of those statements.

    13:39-13:44

    And what we have here in 1 Corinthians 6 is Paul systematically breaking them down.

    13:44-13:51

    He's like, "Your reasoning is really messed up here." So let's look at it.

    13:51-13:58

    First of all, verse 12, he says, "All things are lawful for me." Stop there.

    14:00-14:01

    Is that true?

    14:05-14:20

    Look, if you are a born-again believer in Christ, if you are truly regenerate, if you are truly saved, you have freedom in Christ.

    14:21-14:25

    Yes, nothing can separate you from the love of God.

    14:25-14:30

    No sin that you commit will disqualify you from being a child of God.

    14:30-14:31

    That is true.

    14:31-14:32

    All right?

    14:34-14:35

    But let's look at what Paul says.

    14:35-14:48

    He says, "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful." Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

    14:48-14:49

    This is Paul's first argument.

    14:51-14:54

    Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

    14:57-15:01

    Can I have gummy bears and cream soda for breakfast?

    15:04-15:07

    Aaron, can I have gummy bears and cream soda for breakfast?

    15:09-15:11

    Yes, I can.

    15:12-15:15

    And you were all witness that she nodded her head yes.

    15:16-15:19

    Look, God's not going to condemn me for that.

    15:22-15:23

    Is it very helpful though?

    15:24-15:26

    What about, can I play the lottery?

    15:27-15:29

    Can I play the...oh, Aaron says no on that one.

    15:31-15:35

    For purposes of illustration, can I play the lottery?

    15:37-15:38

    Sure I can.

    15:40-15:44

    God's not going to send me to hell if I buy a scratchy ticket, right?

    15:45-15:49

    If I buy a scratchy lottery, Pastor Taylor, God's not going to send me to hell for that.

    15:53-15:54

    But does that make it a good idea?

    15:57-15:58

    It's not helpful, is it?

    15:59-16:00

    It's not wise.

    16:00-16:03

    The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math.

    16:06-16:11

    Okay, now how about sleeping with someone you're not married to?

    16:12-16:17

    If you're a true Christian, that is not going to send you to hell.

    16:21-16:29

    Saying that it is not helpful is one of the biggest understatements of all time.

    16:32-16:33

    I think that's Paul's point.

    16:35-16:35

    It's not helpful.

    16:37-16:39

    Sleeping with someone you're not married to is not helpful.

    16:40-16:44

    It can result in an unwanted pregnancy.

    16:47-16:50

    If she's married, you're going to deal with an angry husband when he finds out.

    16:52-16:56

    You're going to deal with shame in your workplace, in your church, in your community.

    16:59-17:03

    Your testimony, if you're a Christian, certainly not going to help that.

    17:04-17:10

    Oh, and if she's married, now you've destroyed two families, yours and hers.

    17:11-17:15

    And if you're not married, you've done damage to future spouses, yours and hers.

    17:18-17:19

    There's consequences.

    17:20-17:21

    So that's where Paul starts.

    17:21-17:25

    He's like, "All things are lawful for me." He's like, "Bag that excuse.

    17:26-17:30

    Not all things are helpful." Let's look at the next one.

    17:31-18:12

    Back in verse 12, he says, "All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved anything. Some translations, "I will not be dominated by anything." He goes, "Why would I mess around with something that could enslave me? Why would I do that?" It's just, it's foolishness, right? And sexual sin is addictive, right? Talk to the guy who struggled with looking at things on his computer that he shouldn't be looking at.

    18:13-18:14

    It's addictive.

    18:15-18:21

    Talk to the girl who's in that wrong relationship that she just keeps going back to.

    18:21-18:22

    It's addictive.

    18:25-18:31

    I mean, with any sin, one and done is bad enough.

    18:32-18:43

    But when you have a sin that just keeps drawing you back in, Paul says, "You really want to mess around with something that's going to consume your life?

    18:44-18:53

    I'm not going to be dominated by anything." He's like, "You can bag that excuse too." But there's another one.

    18:53-18:54

    Look at verse 13.

    18:55-18:59

    He says, "Food is meant for the stomach, and the stomach for food.

    19:01-19:15

    And God, this is Paul's commentary on that saying, he goes, "And God will destroy both one and the other." The body's not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

    19:19-19:21

    See that was the other excuse for sexual sin.

    19:21-19:24

    Food is meant for the stomach, and the stomach's for food.

    19:24-19:25

    You see that argument?

    19:26-19:37

    The argument is this, look, the act of physical intimacy, it's just biological, right?

    19:37-19:39

    It's just a biological thing.

    19:39-19:43

    I mean, you guys are a little too uptight about that.

    19:43-19:46

    It's just a biological function.

    19:47-19:49

    I mean, let me break it down for you.

    19:49-20:00

    and my tummy is hungry, and I see food, I'm like, well, I see a connection here.

    20:00-20:02

    You two were sort of made for each other.

    20:03-20:04

    Let's get this together, right?

    20:05-20:07

    It's obvious what needs to happen here.

    20:08-20:10

    The food needs to go in my tummy.

    20:15-20:18

    He applied that same logic to sex.

    20:20-20:28

    It's like, "Look, I have body parts and there is a woman, so it's obvious what needs to happen here.

    20:28-20:36

    These two were made for each other." You see, Paul shoots that one down, foolish thinking.

    20:36-20:40

    He goes, "Yeah, food and stomach, that's an appropriate match.

    20:41-20:46

    body doesn't match with sexual sin.

    20:48-20:52

    What body matches with is the Lord.

    20:53-20:58

    So your little analogy is fundamentally faulty.

    21:00-21:04

    And Paul says further, "More food for the stomach." That's a temporary thing.

    21:08-21:10

    That's just a temporary thing.

    21:10-21:12

    But your body is the Lord's.

    21:14-21:15

    That's an eternal thing.

    21:16-21:26

    In other words, Paul says your analogy breaks down because while digestion, yes, is a biological function, sex is not just a biological function.

    21:26-21:28

    It's not just a physical act.

    21:28-21:28

    It's not.

    21:31-21:34

    By the way, your body is not going to be destroyed.

    21:35-21:36

    It's going to be glorified.

    21:36-21:52

    14, Paul says, "And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by His power." Paul is saying, "Your body has a glorious destiny.

    21:54-22:01

    Don't use it for lust." Paul is like, "Bag that excuse.

    22:01-22:03

    It's just a biological function.

    22:04-22:06

    You are not a dog, okay?

    22:08-22:15

    This act of intimacy is more than just some biological function like eating or drinking.

    22:19-22:23

    That saying, "All things are lawful for me," boy, that one didn't go away, did it?

    22:24-23:18

    I think we all know people that are like the ultra-grace people that are like, "Hey, because Christ died for me, I can do whatever I want. I have freedom in Christ to do whatever I want." That mindset overtook the Corinthians, and so many Christians today have such a skewed view of God's Word. Look, liberty is not license. All right? Liberty is not license. And I want to say this with as much love and compassion as I can muster here, but you are either unregenerate or you're a toddler Christian if you think freedom in Christ is a green light for anything and everything that you want to do." Those were their sayings.

    23:20-23:25

    Boy, we could spend a lot of time talking about some of the sayings that we threw around in our day, right?

    23:26-23:30

    We have other popular sayings that we use to excuse sin.

    23:31-23:32

    I've heard them all.

    23:34-23:40

    Here's a big one, you've heard this one, when people want to excuse their sexual sin, they're like, "Everyone does it." You heard that one?

    23:40-23:41

    Everyone does it.

    23:41-23:45

    Oh, okay, that's the measure of what's appropriate, right?

    23:45-23:47

    As long as everybody's doing it, then it must be okay.

    23:50-23:52

    You can bag that excuse.

    23:54-23:55

    Here's one that I hate.

    23:56-24:08

    I've heard so many times people say, "Well, you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, huh?" A problem with that analogy, we're talking about a human being, not a car.

    24:08-24:17

    If I go to a lot and test drive a car and decide not to buy it, that car isn't going to carry emotional damage with it for the rest of its life.

    24:21-24:22

    You use cars.

    24:23-24:24

    You don't use people.

    24:25-24:27

    Beg that excuse.

    24:28-24:37

    You hear people say, "Well, you know, come on, a man has needs." Yeah, yeah, a man does have needs.

    24:37-24:38

    A man needs Christ.

    24:39-24:41

    Let's focus on that need.

    24:41-24:43

    That's the most important need.

    24:43-24:44

    Let's go after that one.

    24:45-24:46

    Or how about this one?

    24:48-24:49

    "Oh, you don't understand.

    24:49-25:01

    We love each other." Okay, well if you love her that much, then you should enter into a covenant with her and honor the Lord with it.

    25:02-25:10

    But if you don't love her enough to enter the covenant with her in marriage, then you shouldn't be physical with her.

    25:12-25:13

    Beg that excuse.

    25:15-25:18

    Paul says, "Your body's not meant for sexual sin.

    25:18-25:20

    It's not meant for self-gratification.

    25:20-25:21

    It's meant for the Lord.

    25:21-25:22

    It has a glorious destiny.

    25:22-25:31

    And here's the bottom line, church, you are never going to repent if you're always looking for an excuse to sin.

    25:36-25:43

    So next time you are tempted, you need to stop and say, "I can't excuse sin.

    25:44-25:45

    I can't excuse this.

    25:47-25:51

    There's nothing I can say before God that would make this sin okay.

    25:53-25:54

    I can't excuse sin.

    25:56-25:56

    All right?

    25:56-26:05

    Number two, when you're tempted, you need to learn to stop and say this, "I am one with Christ.

    26:07-26:09

    I am one with Christ." Look at verses 15 through 17.

    26:11-26:18

    Paul goes on, he says, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

    26:22-26:28

    Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

    26:28-26:29

    Never!

    26:32-26:39

    Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?

    26:41-26:45

    Or, as it is written, the two will become one flesh.

    26:48-26:54

    But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him.

    26:55-26:57

    I am one with Christ.

    26:57-27:05

    You see, Paul was talking to the Corinthians who were worshipping with the temple prostitutes.

    27:06-27:16

    Like you're taking a body, your body, the personal property of Jesus, and using it to gratify yourself in a relationship with a godless woman.

    27:19-27:25

    And this is equivalent to dragging Christ Himself into prostitution.

    27:26-27:29

    That is an absolutely horrible thought, but that's what He says.

    27:31-27:32

    Think about that.

    27:33-27:38

    Think about how repulsive and appalling this is.

    27:38-27:39

    Think about it.

    27:42-27:46

    I mean, would you call Pastor Taylor up and say, "Hey, a bunch of us are going down to the strip club.

    27:46-27:48

    You want to go with us?" Would you do that?

    27:52-27:54

    Not in a million years would I do that.

    27:58-28:05

    Or would you call up Pastor Rich and say, "Hey, we're going to go downtown and see if we can pick up some women.

    28:05-28:10

    You want to come with us?" You would never do that.

    28:14-28:18

    But see, the reality, according to God's Word, is far worse.

    28:20-28:29

    Because the Bible says we are one with Christ, and engaging in sexual immorality is joining Christ Himself in the act.

    28:33-28:36

    Be like asking Jesus to go pick up prostitutes with you.

    28:40-28:41

    Absolutely foul.

    28:43-28:50

    But you know, it's the same principle, men, when you're looking at things on your computer that you shouldn't be looking at.

    28:51-28:52

    It's the same principle.

    28:52-29:15

    It would be like calling Jesus up and saying, "Hey, why don't you come over and surf the net with me. Let's look at some stuff together. Would you do that? It's the same principle when you're sneaking around with a co-worker. "Hey Jesus, we're going to call my wife and say we're working late, but we're really going to meet up with so-and-so." Would you do that?

    29:17-29:21

    Or when you use an app to meet up with people for a physical relationship.

    29:24-29:28

    Look, if you're a Christian, the very thought of that's repulsive.

    29:28-29:30

    There's nothing funny about that at all.

    29:32-29:36

    So the next time you're tempted, you need to stop and say, "What am I doing?

    29:36-29:39

    I am one Spirit with Christ.

    29:39-29:44

    Why in the world would I drag the Lord into engaging in this garbage?

    29:48-29:56

    I'm one with Christ." Number three, four things to say to yourself when you're tempted.

    29:56-30:00

    Number three, God says to run from sexual sin.

    30:02-30:11

    Here it is, verse 18, "Flee from sexual immorality." Flee.

    30:12-30:13

    Get away.

    30:18-30:19

    This is how you win.

    30:25-30:26

    I grew up in the '80s.

    30:28-30:38

    And I, you know I never, I don't like bragging.

    30:40-30:44

    But I'm going to, for a couple of minutes if you'll indulge me.

    30:47-30:52

    But I grew up in the '80s, and one of my favorite things about the '80s was Mike Tyson.

    30:54-31:00

    Now some of you might remember, or might know of Mike Tyson, rather, seeing him in movies, or cartoons, or whatever.

    31:01-31:02

    That's not the Mike Tyson that I knew growing up.

    31:03-31:05

    Growing up, I could not wait.

    31:06-31:23

    HBO would show his fights, he'd come out with the ripped towel over his head, he had the coin laced in his boot, and he would just come out, and it would be like, "Ding, blaka blaka!" Like, "Ouch!" Look it up on the YouTubes if you don't believe me.

    31:23-31:28

    It was, he was an absolute monster.

    31:32-31:39

    You know, always the highlight, you know, to watch the usually 90-second fight or whatever.

    31:41-31:44

    But okay, I don't, but listen, like I said, I don't want to brag.

    31:47-31:52

    But I have never lost a fight to Mike Tyson.

    31:56-31:58

    And I know what some of you are thinking.

    31:59-32:10

    Some of you are thinking, "Yeah, Pastor Jeff, well, Mike Tyson probably didn't fight ten-year-olds." And I would say, "Look, my record speaks for itself.

    32:12-32:19

    I have never lost to Mike Tyson. Not one time. Do you know why I've never lost to Mike Tyson?

    32:20-32:26

    Because I wasn't stupid enough to show up to fight him. That's the principle here.

    32:29-32:37

    Look, it's the same thing with sexual sin. If you stay and try to fight, you will lose.

    32:39-33:04

    That's why you don't fight it. The Bible says you run from it. You run from it. And I got to tell you guys, that's why many of you are losing the battle with pornography today. You've isolated yourself again. You're on your computer or your phone again, and you lost again because you showed up.

    33:08-33:22

    That's why some of you continue to go too far physically with that person that you're not married to, because you ended up alone with her again, and you gave in to desire with her again.

    33:22-33:26

    You showed up again, and you lost again.

    33:30-33:34

    You will give in every time you show up.

    33:35-33:37

    That's why God says to run.

    33:38-33:38

    Run!

    33:42-33:42

    Why?

    33:42-33:44

    What's the urgency here?

    33:44-33:45

    Look at the rest of verse 18.

    33:47-33:49

    This is about as serious as it gets.

    33:49-33:59

    He says, "Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

    34:00-34:01

    Please hear me.

    34:01-34:09

    Sexual sin is not the worst sin, but it is unique in its consequences.

    34:10-34:15

    The Bible says when you sin sexually, you are actually sinning against your own body.

    34:18-34:23

    Other sins don't affect you the same way that sexual sin does.

    34:27-34:28

    Other sins affect outwardly.

    34:29-34:33

    There's something different about sexual sin, it affects you inwardly.

    34:39-34:40

    Why is that?

    34:40-34:41

    Listen closely, please.

    34:42-34:55

    No other physical act that you commit in your body carries the spiritual weight that sexual intimacy does.

    34:55-35:02

    So no other sin is going to bring the impact that sexual sin brings.

    35:07-35:10

    It consumes, it destroys like no other sin.

    35:13-35:21

    You know, over the years I've seen a lot of preachers who have disqualified themselves for ministry because of sin.

    35:22-35:24

    Do you know what the most common reason is?

    35:27-35:28

    You could probably guess, huh?

    35:31-35:32

    I do a lot of counseling.

    35:33-35:38

    Do you know what's the most common area we find where people need help?

    35:43-35:44

    You probably guess.

    35:46-35:53

    We've lost ministry, we've hurt our families, we're doing damage control all because we didn't flee.

    35:54-35:59

    We showed up, we thought we could handle it this time, and we lost again.

    36:02-36:04

    Nobody's surprised but you.

    36:06-36:20

    So the next time you're tempted, stop, stop, and say, "This is so serious that God says I should run from it." All right?

    36:21-36:25

    And finally, number four, four things to say when you're tempted.

    36:25-36:28

    Number four, "My body belongs to God.

    36:31-36:35

    My body belongs to God." Look at verse 19.

    36:37-36:51

    He says, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?" Humans have a unique capacity.

    36:54-37:00

    are the only thing in creation that have the ability to be indwelt by God Himself.

    37:01-37:03

    No other creature can say that.

    37:05-37:10

    God lives inside you if you're a follower of Christ, if you're a believer.

    37:11-37:13

    You know, you are the temple of God.

    37:13-37:31

    In the Old Testament, the temple of God was a building, and when Jesus walked the earth, The temple, the tabernacle of God was in one man, Jesus Christ, but now under the new covenant, God's temple is in the heart of every believer of Christ.

    37:35-37:35

    You're the temple.

    37:38-37:38

    What would you think?

    37:40-37:54

    What would you think of someone who, during sermon time today, they were looking at explicit of the opposite sex on their phone during the sermon, what would you think about that?

    37:55-37:57

    Wouldn't you just sort of be appalled?

    38:00-38:04

    Like, I can't believe during the preaching of the Bible somebody was looking at that.

    38:04-38:05

    Wouldn't that be appalling?

    38:06-38:17

    Or what would you think if there was someone in this church that was having an affair, and they decided that this room was a perfect private place?

    38:17-38:22

    Some night through the week when nobody's here, they sneak in here and have an affair right in this room.

    38:22-38:23

    What would you think about that?

    38:24-38:28

    Wouldn't you be like, "What is the matter with you?

    38:28-38:39

    You did that in church?" I don't want to burst any bubbles, but this room, this room is really nothing special.

    38:40-38:41

    This is an office building.

    38:47-38:49

    That was a rumpus room before we moved in here.

    38:51-38:53

    And who knows what they'll do with it when we're gone.

    38:54-38:56

    This room is nothing special at all.

    38:59-39:02

    You are the temple of God.

    39:02-39:04

    You are holy property.

    39:04-39:15

    God says, "You are where I live." So every time you commit sexual sin, no matter where you do it, you're doing it in God's living room.

    39:19-39:35

    He goes on, look at verse 19, he says, "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price to glorify God in your body." You have a holy obligation to Jesus.

    39:35-39:36

    You are not your own.

    39:37-39:40

    Listen, you have no right to yourself.

    39:44-39:53

    You have no right to yourself, because you were bought with a price.

    39:55-39:56

    What did it cost to buy you?

    39:58-40:00

    It cost the blood of Jesus Christ.

    40:08-40:10

    You know, everybody is so concerned about their rights.

    40:12-40:14

    "I have rights!

    40:15-40:16

    I'm going to stand up for my rights!

    40:17-40:24

    I know my rights!" You know, as Christians, we have no rights.

    40:25-40:26

    Did you know that?

    40:30-40:34

    As a Christian, all I can say is, I'm not my own.

    40:36-40:37

    I don't even belong to myself.

    40:40-40:44

    This body belongs to Jesus.

    40:45-40:47

    This body was heading to hell.

    40:48-40:56

    This body was going to be separated from God forever, and Jesus Christ bought this back with His own death.

    40:57-40:59

    So this belongs to Jesus.

    40:59-41:00

    He paid for it.

    41:04-41:13

    So, you know the saying that was so popular, and there's still remnants of it, people walking around going, "My body, my choice." That's not biblical.

    41:15-41:34

    You want to make it biblical, you say it this way, "Christ's body, Christ's choice." So, he says, "So, glorify God in your body." We are a wholly motivated church.

    41:34-41:36

    We are wholly motivated.

    41:36-41:38

    Our highest priority is to glorify God.

    41:40-41:51

    Physical intimacy in the covenant of marriage, the purpose for which God designed intimacy, When that act occurs, that glorifies God.

    41:52-42:00

    And refusing to allow your passions to control you, when you flee from sexual immorality, you glorify God.

    42:03-42:07

    So next time you're tempted, you need to stop and say, "No, no, no.

    42:09-42:19

    This belongs to God." You know, the church is called the Bride of Christ.

    42:22-42:35

    Jesus desires intimacy with His bride, so He entered a covenant with His bride, and He keeps His covenant because He is faithful to His bride.

    42:35-42:39

    And that is exactly what we are called to emulate as children of God.

    42:40-42:49

    I keep my covenant to my bride because that's what my Lord does." Her worship team would make their way back up front.

    42:53-42:58

    Look, when you leave here today, at some point you're going to be tempted.

    43:00-43:09

    You're going to be tempted to think of something you shouldn't, to look at something you shouldn't, to do something that you shouldn't.

    43:09-43:34

    going to be tempted. Some of you, it might be tomorrow or Wednesday. Some of you, it might be on your way to the car from church. I want to encourage you, if that's a struggle for you, keep this outline and make it a steady habit in your devotions to read and review These principles from God's Word.

    43:36-43:45

    If you're unmarried and you keep finding yourself tempted, sit down and read these together with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

    43:48-43:53

    How about you make these four statements the lock screen on your phone?

    43:55-43:59

    I can't excuse sin because there is no excuse.

    44:00-44:03

    Number two, I am one with Christ.

    44:06-44:09

    God says to run from sexual sin.

    44:11-44:14

    And my body belongs to God.

    44:16-44:16

    Let's pray.

    44:20-44:32

    Our Father in heaven, I pray, Father, again by the power of your Holy Spirit, by the wisdom of your Word that today would be the day of repentance.

    44:34-44:46

    That some people for too long have just made excuses or shrugged their shoulders or have just given up any thought that this is a sin that can be avoided.

    44:47-45:07

    I pray today, Father, that we reexamine the purpose of it and that we would be a people You are truly wholly motivated to enjoy this gift in the way which you told us to enjoy.

    45:09-45:22

    Thank you, Father, for this glorious picture that you've given us of Christ faithful to His bride.

    45:25-45:26

    Give us the faith to imitate that.

    45:26-45:28

    We pray in Jesus' name, amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 6:12-20

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Explain the expressions the Corinthians used to justify sexual sin (1 Cor 6:12-13)?
    What expressions do people use today? How do you refute those?

  3. How exactly is sexual sin different from other sins (1 Cor 6:18)?

  4. How would you respond to a Christian that justifies their sin by saying, “I have freedom in

    Christ to live how I want!”? (See 1 Cor 6:19-20)

Breakout

Pray for one another.

Deal with Disputes

Introduction:

In a church dispute? Remember your Relationship… (1 Corinthians 6:1-11)

  1. To OTHER BELIEVERS: we RECONCILE. (1 Cor 6:1-5)

    1 Corinthians 5:12For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?

  2. To THE WORLD: we REPRESENT. (1 Cor 6:6-8)

  3. To SIN: we RENOUNCE. (1 Cor 6:9-10)

    Genesis 2:16–17And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

    Titus 2:11–12For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

  4. To JESUS CHRIST: we are RENEWED. (1 Cor 6:11)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

Get Unified: Deal with Disputes
Justin Cady
  • 00:43-00:47

    Well, good morning, wherever you are today.

    00:47-00:47

    Welcome.

    00:48-00:49

    My name is Justin.

    00:49-00:51

    I'm one of the elders here at Harvest.

    00:52-01:03

    And as we get started, I would just like to ask that you would pray for me to faithfully and clearly communicate God's word, and I will pray for you to have hearts to receive it.

    01:05-01:05

    Amen.

    01:06-01:14

    Well, today we're going to be talking about dealing with disputes, disagreements, beef, as the kids say.

    01:15-01:17

    Do the kids still say beef, Pastor Jeff?

    01:17-01:19

    Okay, confirmed.

    01:20-01:28

    I too was young once, but as a college student, one thing my roommates and I never had beef over was where to order pizza.

    01:29-01:32

    Listen, four guys in an apartment, that's a big decision.

    01:33-01:34

    But we found our place.

    01:35-01:42

    Piazza's Pizza, home to the largest pizza that I've ever seen, the Big Piazza.

    01:43-01:46

    It was the best price-to-food ratio in the city.

    01:48-01:51

    The box was so big, it didn't even fit through the door.

    01:51-01:54

    You had to tilt it just to get it inside.

    01:56-01:58

    It would feed all of us for a whole weekend.

    01:59-02:05

    And actually, one of those weekends, a few of my friends from home came up to visit.

    02:05-02:10

    And so, of course, we wanted to treat them to a big piazza.

    02:11-02:12

    But there was a dispute.

    02:14-02:33

    My roommates and I tried to explain to them how enormous this pizza was, but my friends kept insisting, "Look, we need to order two." And we're like, "Guys, you haven't seen this pizza." And they're like, "Guys, you don't know how hungry we are.

    02:33-02:35

    We need at least two.

    02:36-02:37

    Okay?

    02:38-02:42

    So eventually, we gave up, and we ordered two big piazzas.

    02:44-02:50

    And, you know, after dinner, I couldn't believe it, but we actually finished half of one.

    02:52-03:06

    And that's when the real dispute started, because we tried to tell them we just needed one, but the problem is, according to them, we didn't eat our share, because they insisted we needed to.

    03:07-03:14

    So then wild claims started flying around both sides about how many slices each side ate.

    03:15-03:21

    And this morning, I'd actually like to present you with some evidence so you can draw your own conclusions.

    03:22-03:26

    Exhibit A, this is the big piazza.

    03:27-03:30

    And even that, I tell you, the photo doesn't do it justice.

    03:31-03:43

    But I added some analysis to this photo because one member of the opposition has repeatedly stated that he alone consumed 25 slices.

    03:45-03:47

    Exhibit B, this is his claim.

    03:49-03:51

    And I'm telling you, I was there that night.

    03:51-03:57

    If he ate that much pizza in one sitting, we were going to spend the night in Rochester General Hospital.

    03:58-03:58

    Okay?

    03:59-03:59

    Church.

    04:00-04:00

    It was crazy.

    04:01-04:09

    Now, we are close to the 20th anniversary of that meal, and the battle is still raging on.

    04:10-04:22

    As far as I'm aware, this is the longest-running dispute I've ever been a part of, debating it, step-by-step, recounting what happened, and of course, laughter.

    04:24-04:29

    Because this dispute, though still being disputed, It didn't threaten our friendships.

    04:30-04:42

    It's a silly dispute, but I share it with you because the way that we handle disputes, that often depends on our relationship to the other side, true or false.

    04:44-04:53

    When we are in a dispute, our relationship to the person or our relationship to the situation, that determines our response.

    04:54-05:00

    Best friends can accuse each other of pizza malpractice for decades and be totally fine.

    05:02-05:05

    But for real disputes, think about it.

    05:06-05:08

    Which ones are the hardest to resolve?

    05:09-05:15

    The ones within a family, or with a close friend, or someone you looked up to.

    05:17-05:23

    It's far more difficult to deal with offense from someone that you know deeply than from someone that you don't know at all.

    05:24-05:30

    An argument that escalates, a disagreement grows into something much more.

    05:31-05:32

    Most of us have been there.

    05:33-05:37

    And that can even happen here, within the church family.

    05:38-05:41

    How do we deal with those disputes?

    05:43-05:48

    Well, if you have your Bibles, you can open them to 1 Corinthians 6, where we're going to dig into that.

    05:50-05:54

    We deal with disputes because we're going after a church unified and purified.

    05:55-05:55

    Amen?

    05:56-06:02

    And last week, Pastor Jeff taught how to get purified when there's sin in the church.

    06:02-06:10

    When someone claims Christ, yet is living in unrepentant sin, and they refuse help, they want their sin to be accepted.

    06:11-06:13

    What do you do with that person?

    06:15-06:25

    The Bible says, "Let him who has done this be removed from among you." And you might think, harsh, that doesn't sound like a thing a church should do.

    06:26-06:31

    Well, if you missed it, read 1 Corinthians 5 and listen to the sermon online.

    06:32-06:35

    You'll find out that's what the church must do.

    06:36-06:50

    Now this week, we read Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, discussing disputes within the church and just like arguments about pizza, we have to remember the relationships involved.

    06:51-06:58

    So on your outline today, in a church dispute, remember your relationship.

    06:59-07:03

    Number one, to other believers, we reconcile.

    07:05-07:07

    So 1 Corinthians 6, are you there?

    07:09-07:10

    Let's read the first verse.

    07:12-07:28

    It says, "When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints?" So Paul is calling out the Corinthians for dragging their disputes out into the court system.

    07:29-07:43

    He says, "Church, why are you going before unrighteous, corrupt courts for this?" But please understand in this passage, Paul is talking about civil cases, not criminal cases.

    07:44-07:49

    This is not about someone breaking the law and being charged with a crime, OK?

    07:50-07:57

    This is about a private dispute between two parties, and they just can't figure it out.

    07:58-08:01

    So they end up taking each other to court over something trivial.

    08:03-08:06

    Now, we see trivial lawsuits today, don't we?

    08:08-08:13

    Have you ever seen those courtroom shows where they give you the rundown up front?

    08:14-08:18

    He's here suing for a $67 cell phone bill.

    08:20-08:25

    You hired a lawyer and got on a plane to Los Angeles over $67.

    08:27-08:29

    You're going to take someone to court over that.

    08:30-08:31

    Same idea.

    08:32-08:35

    You'll see the trivial part as we pick up in verse two.

    08:37-08:40

    It says, "Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world?

    08:41-08:47

    And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases?

    08:48-08:50

    Do you not know that we are to judge angels?

    08:51-08:54

    How much more then matters pertaining to this life?

    08:54-09:00

    So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church?

    09:01-09:02

    I say this to your shame.

    09:03-09:09

    Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers?

    09:10-09:11

    We'll pause there for a moment.

    09:13-09:17

    Paul is saying we should be able to resolve these disputes internally.

    09:19-09:21

    He's saying we are called to judge.

    09:22-09:32

    If that sounds familiar, we saw it in 1 Corinthians 5, where verse 12 says, "For what have I to do with judging outsiders?

    09:33-10:09

    "Is it not those inside the church are to judge. Not judging motives, because we can't see the heart, but we are required to judge actions. We judge the fruit. Now, what does Paul mean with this "saints," meaning believers? What does he mean with this "judging the world and angels" business? Well, he's referring to the concept of the children of God reigning with Jesus Christ in his victory. True. But we're not even going to get into all that, because Paul is using it for irony.

    10:09-10:20

    Like, "Oh, you who will judge the world, you who will judge angels, why are you taking all your disputes to small-claims court?" That's what they were doing.

    10:21-10:23

    And actually, it was even worse than that.

    10:25-10:31

    Because history tells us that in Paul's day, civil courts were completely corrupt.

    10:32-10:37

    You couldn't even bring a case against someone who had a higher social standing than you.

    10:38-10:49

    And when a case did make it to the courts, judges and juries would expect a kickback for a verdict in your favor, either a payment or something to help them with their standing.

    10:50-11:01

    So the church in Corinth was not only suing each other, they were using the legal system to abuse or shake down fellow Christians of lower status.

    11:02-11:03

    It's childish.

    11:04-11:12

    And parents know, you train young children to resolve their disputes themselves, but it takes a lot of training.

    11:13-11:16

    Use your words, talk it out.

    11:17-11:19

    How would you feel if she said that to you?

    11:21-11:25

    But until they mature, what's most often the outcome?

    11:26-11:28

    Running to mom or dad to make a ruling.

    11:29-11:39

    And sure, parents do need to step in sometimes, But more often than not, it's a dispute that could have been resolved with a conversation and some humility.

    11:40-11:41

    But they're kids.

    11:42-11:45

    They don't have the required patience or wisdom just yet.

    11:47-11:55

    Paul is saying the church should be mature enough to use wisdom to resolve things internally instead of using lawsuits.

    11:56-12:02

    But even if we avoid the courthouse, we can still struggle with disputes as a church.

    12:04-12:12

    If a church member offends you, intentionally or unintentionally, you don't sue them, but how do you react?

    12:13-12:14

    Do you let it go?

    12:15-12:20

    Or if it's just too much to let it go, do you talk to them about it?

    12:21-12:22

    Or do you just avoid them?

    12:24-12:36

    Or how many churches have gone through gigantic disputes over decisions like the carpet color or chairs versus pews or the volume level during worship.

    12:37-12:41

    Is stuff like that worth disunity with your brothers and sisters?

    12:44-12:53

    Now, 1 Corinthians 6 doesn't outline practical steps that we should follow instead, but we know them from other places in scripture.

    12:54-13:05

    Matthew 18, for example, tells us to go first the person directly, and if they don't listen, bring some others, and if they still don't listen, bring it before the church.

    13:06-13:11

    That's the general path things should run, and some situations point us to other scripture too.

    13:13-13:17

    But the charge in these verses is to judge wisely.

    13:18-13:27

    But these Matthew 18 conversations or conversations going to someone for counsel, they cannot be about gossip.

    13:28-13:30

    That's just as destructive as a lawsuit.

    13:32-13:37

    These conversations must be done with one goal in mind, reconciliation.

    13:38-13:44

    As believers, we ask for forgiveness and forgive each other in order to be reconciled.

    13:45-13:46

    That's who we are.

    13:47-13:48

    That's what God's family does.

    13:50-13:56

    By His grace, some of us grew up in God-fearing homes that demonstrated that's how a family works.

    13:58-14:13

    But many of us either grew up in, or we've seen, family situations where that's not the case, where there is no repentance, no forgiveness, no reconciliation.

    14:15-14:35

    might think, "Yeah, I've seen bitterness and I've seen grudges in a family, but reconciliation, forgiving one another? I've never seen a family like that." And that's why, as a church, we must show the world that in Christ, we are different.

    14:36-14:40

    We have to show them what God's family is like.

    14:41-15:04

    which is why, number two on your outline, in a church dispute, remember your relationship, number two, to the world we represent. So as believers, what does our relationship to the world have to do with our disputes? Well, rewind to the end of verse five.

    15:06-15:26

    It says, "Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers? But brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers?" Before unbelievers. That's similar to what we saw back in verse 1, before the unrighteous.

    15:28-15:32

    We talked about the Corinthians lacking godly wisdom, but there's another problem.

    15:33-15:38

    taking all these disputes out into the world, what does that do to our witness?

    15:41-16:02

    If the city of Corinth always saw the church in scandal or suing each other, what did that communicate to them about the gospel message? We have to remember that part of our relationship to the world is that Jesus called us to represent him to the world, re-present Jesus to the world.

    16:03-16:14

    Now, listen, I'm not saying we should be concerned about image in the sense that we are "marketing" church and reality is another thing.

    16:15-16:15

    No.

    16:16-16:19

    Our concern is authentically following Jesus.

    16:20-16:28

    We want people to see what it looks like to be transformed by Christ and living in a Christ-centered community.

    16:29-16:31

    It's not about projecting some image.

    16:32-16:33

    It's about our identity.

    16:34-16:38

    Our witness is being like Jesus and telling people about him.

    16:39-16:46

    So infighting, legal battles, manipulation, that's what everybody else does.

    16:47-16:49

    God's people are called to be different.

    16:50-16:54

    If we act like the world, we've already lost.

    16:55-17:08

    like it says in verse 7. It says, "To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?

    17:08-17:30

    But you yourselves wrong and defraud, even your own brothers." Now again, let me emphasize that we are not talking about criminal cases. But Paul is saying it it would be better to just lose your money in the dispute than sue your church brother over these petty issues.

    17:32-17:38

    Or again, maybe you're not actually going to court, but you still might need to suffer wrong.

    17:39-17:39

    What do I mean?

    17:41-17:47

    Have you ever been in a dispute where maybe you're 10 percent wrong and the other person is 90 percent wrong?

    17:48-17:54

    Sometimes we still want to justify ourselves and bang the table about how less wrong we were.

    17:56-17:57

    What about humbling yourself?

    17:58-18:02

    What about taking the hit and saying, "You know, you're right.

    18:03-18:04

    "I was wrong.

    18:04-18:15

    "Will you please forgive me?" Our natural reaction is, "Why should I humble myself when they're wrong too?" Because of who we represent.

    18:17-18:23

    Jesus is our example of humility, and we are that example to those around us.

    18:24-18:31

    So to claim Christ and act like Paul describes here is a failure in our job as representatives.

    18:34-18:39

    And you know, I talked a little bit about pizza earlier, but you know what else I like?

    18:40-18:41

    Frozen bananas.

    18:43-18:48

    Well, I should be specific, chocolate-covered frozen bananas, delicious.

    18:50-18:57

    One time, I went into an ice cream shop where I had gotten one before, but I didn't see any in the case in the front.

    18:58-19:18

    So I thought, "Oh, they might have some in the back in the freezer." So I asked the woman working, "Do you have any frozen bananas?" And my friends who were there still quote her answer to me because she said, "Does it look like we have any frozen bananas?" Okay.

    19:19-19:23

    I said, "Thank you." And I walked out without any dessert.

    19:24-19:30

    Now, do you think the owner of the ice cream shop felt like she represented the store well that day?

    19:32-19:32

    No.

    19:33-19:40

    Just like employees represent their workplace, as a body of believers, we represent Christ.

    19:41-19:46

    If you claim Christ, you are his representative, period.

    19:47-20:07

    In a world where everyone's flying off the handle at every disagreement, screaming or storming out of every issue, imagine the witness of a church that works through things together in love, using the highest authority of our life, God's word, to untangle the issue.

    20:08-20:14

    No, it's not always easy, but the world will look and say, "What's going on over there?

    20:14-20:28

    "I wanna be a part of that." But we have to step back and review for a moment, because I don't want anyone to walk away with the wrong idea.

    20:29-20:39

    So far, we've talked about resolving disputes in-house, not dragging disagreements to the court, and how we are presenting ourselves to the world.

    20:40-21:08

    Those concepts could be sinfully twisted into an excuse to cover up sin. Now, we don't need to review all the sickening things that have been covered up by churches all over the world. Sinful men have tried to hide their sin, tried to hide abuse by saying things like, "Let's keep this in house." No, they are wrong.

    21:10-21:15

    This passage is not about covering things up or ignoring sin.

    21:16-21:20

    Abuse, in court or otherwise, is sin.

    21:21-21:23

    Covering up sin is sin.

    21:24-21:29

    A forced reconciliation is a false reconciliation.

    21:31-21:36

    Ignoring sin for the sake of the church's witness is a false witness.

    21:37-21:44

    If someone's sinful act is a criminal act, then the correct response is to hand them over to the authorities.

    21:45-21:47

    And that's God's idea, not mine.

    21:47-21:48

    See Romans 13.

    21:50-21:51

    I just want to be crystal clear.

    21:53-21:58

    Paul, just like in chapter 5, is calling for the opposite of a cover-up.

    21:58-22:04

    He's calling us to recognize and remove flagrant, unrepentant sin.

    22:06-22:09

    And that distinction is important because we all sin.

    22:10-22:19

    It's not like, "Oh, I was coveting my friend's car yesterday, and last week, last week, I had a lustful thought.

    22:20-22:34

    Guess I have to leave Harvest Bible Chapel." No, of course all of us struggle with sin, but we commit that as a family, we're here to walk with each other in becoming purified by our Lord.

    22:35-23:03

    We need each other's support and encouragement as each one of us turns away from our sin daily to become more like Jesus Christ. In fact, in him, we must renounce any relationship that we have to sin. Point number three on your outline today. In a church dispute, remember your relationship, Number three, to sin.

    23:04-23:05

    We renounce.

    23:07-23:09

    Let's pick up in verse nine.

    23:11-23:16

    It says, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous "will not inherit the kingdom of God?

    23:16-23:18

    "Do not be deceived.

    23:18-25:16

    "Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, "nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, "nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." Now, reading this after the previous section can seem jarring. Paul is talking about disputes, the courts, and then he drops into this list of sins for which someone will not enter heaven. Now, understand that Paul is talking about a lifestyle of unrepentant, continual sin. Committing one of these sins, or any sin in isolation, does not automatically banish a person from heaven if that person repents of their sin and believes in the work of Jesus for their forgiveness. But what is the connection here to verses one to eight? Well, two things. First, verse one asked if believers dare take their case before the unrighteous. And then here it says, "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?" Paul is saying, Church, you should resolve your disputes instead of bringing them before people who are living in reckless sin for them to decide. You're like, "Don't worry, I keep beef out of the legal system." Okay, well, do you bring your church disputes before unbelieving friends or family? Do you complain about the church or people in the church at work or on social media, that is bringing your case before the unrighteous for them to judge.

    25:18-25:24

    Now, as for the second connection, recall the underhanded dealings of these civil courts.

    25:25-26:23

    People in the church were using their influence and status to manipulate other Christians via lawsuits to take advantage of their own brothers for their gain. That sin belongs in this list too. See, this isn't a random list of sinfulness. This list is about not being content and reaching out of bounds to get more. And really, that goes all the way back to the first sin, doesn't it? Back in Genesis, God told Adam, "And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, 'You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.'" But Adam and Eve ultimately were not content with that.

    26:25-26:28

    And so they reached outside the bounds that God created.

    26:30-26:33

    That's the same root as every sin in this list.

    26:34-26:41

    God says that sexual intimacy is between one man and one woman within the covenant of marriage.

    26:41-27:03

    But people say, "I'm not content with that." be it adultery, homosexuality, or any form of sexual immorality, instead of receiving God's gift as He intended, they reach outside God's design to take something else or idolatry.

    27:04-27:39

    God says we should worship Him and only Him, but people say, "I'm not content with that." They worship money, success, celebrity. They reach outside of what they know in their heart to worship anything but God. What about drunkards or revilers, people who abuse alcohol or verbally abuse others? God set a boundary around drunkenness and a boundary on our speech, but they say, "I'm not content with that.

    27:41-27:51

    I will drink how I want and I'll say what I want." Or thieves, the greedy, swindlers, whatever they have, they say, "I'm not content with that.

    27:52-28:08

    I want more, and I'm willing to reach out and take it, even if it means stealing from my own family." And that's where the Corinthian church was, reaching out of bounds to take from their brothers and sisters.

    28:10-28:13

    Paul says their sin is the same as these.

    28:14-28:23

    And if you live a life of unrepentant, habitual sin, a life reaching out of bounds, you will not inherit the kingdom of God.

    28:27-28:33

    So, church, we have to ask ourselves, What should our relationship be to sin?

    28:35-28:59

    Titus 2.11 says, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age." We must renounce sin.

    29:00-30:25

    That's our relationship. Not embracing it, not excusing it, but rejecting it, turning away, running away. How do we do that? Well, praise the Lord, we are about to read some of the most incredible words in scripture on that topic. Our last point today. You must remember your relationship, number four, to Jesus Christ. We are renewed. 1st Corinthians chapter 6 verse 11, it says, "And such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the the Spirit of our God. And such were some of you." Some translations say, "And this is what some of you used to be." Paul is saying, "You used to do these things, but God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to take the punishment for your sin upon himself. He bore that sin in his death on the cross, and then conquering death, rose And this verse applies to anyone who will repent and believe in him as their savior.

    30:27-30:32

    Now, you might think that stuff that you used to do is too much to overcome.

    30:33-30:36

    You're afraid Jesus knows who you were.

    30:37-30:43

    Well, Jesus knows your whole story and he still invites you into a relationship with him.

    30:44-30:49

    He wants to release you from your sin and bring you true contentment.

    30:50-30:52

    So repent and believe.

    30:53-30:57

    As it says here, if you believe, you were washed clean.

    30:58-31:03

    Sin from your past, present, and future has been washed away in the name of Jesus.

    31:05-31:10

    You were sanctified, meaning you were set apart as holy, and you are being made holy.

    31:11-31:14

    God is shaping you into what he already calls you.

    31:16-31:20

    and you were justified, meaning the charges of sin against you have been dropped.

    31:20-31:21

    You're innocent.

    31:22-31:26

    That lifestyle of unrepentant sin, that's who you used to be.

    31:27-31:28

    You are made new.

    31:30-31:38

    In a dispute, you must remember your relationship with Jesus Christ because that relationship determines all other relationships.

    31:40-31:48

    But some might think, if I have that relationship with Christ, And if I'm made new, why do I still sin?

    31:49-31:53

    Why do we still have disputes and disagreements and fights?

    31:56-31:57

    I read one scholar put it this way.

    31:59-32:04

    Imagine, I know this is gonna be hard to believe, that you were caught in a snowstorm.

    32:06-32:06

    Shouldn't be too hard.

    32:08-32:14

    You're covered in snow, totally freezing, and you feel like you might not make it.

    32:15-32:22

    But somehow, you crawl and you make it back to your house, and you get inside.

    32:23-32:25

    The room is warm.

    32:26-32:27

    Maybe a fireplace is going.

    32:28-32:29

    You're saved!

    32:31-32:39

    But even though you're safe, standing in the warmth, it's going to take some time for the ice in your pockets to thaw out.

    32:41-32:42

    You see the picture.

    32:43-32:49

    You are secure in Christ, but not all of your sin has melted away yet.

    32:50-32:53

    That won't be totally complete until we reach heaven.

    32:54-33:06

    Until then, through our relationship with Christ, we are safe indoors being justified, and we're thawing out being sanctified at the same time.

    33:08-33:15

    So as we close, I hope you see how and why the church must deal with disputes in a godly way.

    33:17-33:20

    We should be able to handle that stuff through Jesus.

    33:21-33:29

    Next time you're in a dispute, step back and remember, this is my brother or sister in Christ.

    33:29-33:32

    My goal is to be reconciled with them.

    33:33-33:36

    Remember that we are representing Christ to the world.

    33:37-33:42

    The way that we interact should reflect our Lord, showing the world that Jesus works.

    33:44-33:49

    Remember that we've renounced sin, and we lovingly help each other do that.

    33:50-33:52

    We don't manipulate others.

    33:52-33:55

    We don't reach out of bounds, grabbing for more.

    33:56-33:57

    That's not who we are.

    33:58-33:59

    Because who are we?

    34:01-35:00

    that in Jesus we are a people renewed. We don't serve sin or our selfish desires anymore. Together, unified and purified, we serve our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Let's pray together. Lord God, I thank you for your word. God, I thank you for the church, and I pray God that when we face disputes, we would face with godly wisdom and character, love and patience, God, that we may be reconciled, that we may be a light into the world around us. We pray and ask for your mercy, God, upon us now and we ask for you to guide us in these matters. Let us be a church unified and purified for your glory, Lord God. In Jesus' name, Amen.

    35:00-35:00

    Amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 6:1-11

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. How should disputes within the church family be resolved? How does that process differ for disputes with unbelievers?

  3. How and why must the church faithfully guard its witness to the world?

  4. Paul says those listed in 1 Cor. 6:9-10 will not inherit the kingdom of God. What does he mean by that?

  5. If we are made new in Jesus Christ, why do we still struggle with sin? How can we come alongside each other as believers in that struggle?

Breakout

Pray for one another.

Deal with Sinners

Introduction:

Get Purified: When There's Sin in the Church... (1 Corinthians 5:1-13)

  1. RECOGNIZE sin. (1 Cor 5:1-2)

    Ephesians 5:3 - But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

  2. REMOVE the sinner. (1 Cor 5:3-5)

    Proverbs 22:10 - Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

    Titus 3:10 - As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him...

    What do we hope to accomplish by throwing him out?

    1. In His heart: We hope He's ASHAMED.

      2 Thessalonians 3:14 - If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed.

    2. In His head: We hope He LEARNS.

      1 Timothy 1:20 - Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.

    3. In His body: We hope He SUFFERS.

    4. In His Spirit: We hope He REPENTS.

  3. REMEMBER the purpose. (1 Cor 5:6-8)

  4. RESTRICT discipline to believers. (1 Cor 5:9-13)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

Get Unified: Deal with Sinners
Jeff Miller
  • 00:45-00:46

    Open up those Bibles.

    00:47-00:49

    The book of 1 Corinthians 5.

    00:51-00:54

    1 Corinthians 5.

    00:59-00:59

    Imagine a scenario with me.

    01:00-01:10

    You go to the doctor because you have a suspicious looking spot on your skin, and the doctor gives you the news you don't want to hear.

    01:11-02:00

    have skin cancer. So for the good of the body, for the health of the body, what needs to happen with that spot? You have to remove it, right? Right? You have to remove it. Or if you go to a doctor and they find out that you have cancer in your kidney, for the health of the body, what do you have to do? You have to remove it, right? If it's on your skin, for the health of the body you remove it. If it's on your kidney, for the health of the body you remove it. And what if there's cancer in the church? All of a sudden the Brakes got pumped a little bit, didn't they?

    02:03-02:04

    Same principle.

    02:06-02:13

    For the health of the body, it has to be removed.

    02:16-02:18

    We're getting back into 1 Corinthians.

    02:18-02:23

    Remember the first four chapters, one message really.

    02:23-02:24

    It was get unified.

    02:27-02:32

    Paul pointed out the Corinthians had a lot of problems with pride and boasting and factions.

    02:33-02:34

    Get unified.

    02:34-02:35

    Knock it off.

    02:36-02:37

    Alright, next subject.

    02:38-02:40

    Takes us to our next section here.

    02:41-02:42

    Get purified.

    02:44-02:48

    There was another problem in the church.

    02:49-02:56

    There was someone who claimed to be a Christian but was living in flagrant, unrepentant sin.

    03:00-03:01

    What do you do with that guy?

    03:03-03:04

    Let's just pause for a moment.

    03:04-03:06

    I'm going to ask you to please pray for me.

    03:08-03:14

    To be faithful to communicate what God's Word says, I will pray for you to have a heart open to receive it.

    03:15-03:16

    Let's pray.

    03:19-03:20

    Father, be glorified.

    03:23-03:25

    Be glorified as we spend this time in Your Word.

    03:25-03:38

    glorified in the hearts of every one of us, that we would be very quick to disregard our opinions and have a heart to embrace Your truth.

    03:43-03:45

    We thank You ahead of time, Father, for what You're going to do.

    03:46-03:50

    Whatever that looks like to us, I guess doesn't really matter.

    03:53-04:21

    what you do, Father. We pray in Jesus' name. And all of God's people said, "Amen." So what do you do? What do you do when there's someone in the church who claims to be a believer, but they're living in obvious, flagrant, unrepentant sin? What do you do with that person? We're going to get right into it on your outline. Get purified. When there's sin in the church, What do you do?

    04:23-04:27

    First of all, number one, write this down, recognize sin.

    04:28-04:29

    How about we start there?

    04:31-04:32

    Look at verse 1 in chapter 5.

    04:35-04:46

    Paul says, "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you." Stop right there for a second.

    04:49-04:50

    What is sexual immorality?

    04:52-04:53

    What is that?

    04:57-04:58

    I know what the words mean.

    05:00-05:07

    I don't need a definition, but in our day, can somebody give me an example of what is sexual immorality?

    05:10-05:13

    Because it seems like we live in a day that anything goes.

    05:15-05:19

    So how can we say anything is immoral if everything is okay?

    05:23-05:24

    What even is that?

    05:28-05:29

    Well, he goes on.

    05:30-05:31

    Look at the rest of verse 1.

    05:34-05:42

    He says, "It's reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is is not tolerated even among pagans.

    05:45-05:58

    For a man has his father's wife." Okay, now, I'm not going to bore you with the homework, but according to the Greek text, here's what's going on.

    05:59-06:05

    There was a man who married, had a kid, and his wife dies.

    06:06-06:16

    and he remarries, probably a much younger woman, and his son has the hots for his stepmother.

    06:18-06:20

    And they start a relationship.

    06:21-06:31

    And the man ends up divorcing the wife, the stepmom, because the Bible doesn't say they committed adultery, it says they committed fornication.

    06:31-06:42

    So the man divorced his second wife, but his son continued an ongoing sexual relationship with his stepmother.

    06:47-06:49

    Pretty shocking sin, isn't it?

    06:51-06:54

    But not as shocking as the church's reaction.

    06:57-07:07

    Paul's like, "What are you doing? What are you doing?" Even pagans would look at this and be like, "You're sick, bro! What are you doing?

    07:07-07:17

    You're sleeping with your stepmother?" Paul's like, "Pagans are gagging at this thought.

    07:18-07:21

    Church, what are you doing?

    07:21-07:29

    You're just allowing this to happen?" You know, the church today is just like Corinth.

    07:31-07:34

    We church, we live right in the middle of Sodom.

    07:36-07:53

    And sin in general, and sexual sin specifically, we have - I don't need to sell anybody on this - we have very quickly moved from tolerating it, which is bad enough to applauding sexual sin.

    07:57-07:58

    What do you think about that, Paul?

    07:59-08:00

    Look at verse 2.

    08:01-08:03

    He says, "And you are arrogant.

    08:03-08:06

    Ought you not rather to mourn?

    08:07-08:15

    Let him who has done this be removed from among you." Paul's like, "What are you doing?

    08:15-08:17

    This should grieve you as a church.

    08:17-08:21

    Having one of your members be in sexual sin.

    08:21-08:24

    You should be sad about this.

    08:25-08:27

    He goes, "You're so arrogant.

    08:27-08:31

    You're so full of yourselves." That's what he was talking about in chapters 1-4.

    08:35-08:38

    Constantly spraining their arms, patting themselves on the back.

    08:43-08:46

    See, so sick.

    08:46-09:05

    In Corinth, we saw this in the first four chapters, they made a big deal out of who the best preacher was, and then they make a very little deal out of flagrant, unrepentant sexual sin.

    09:09-09:10

    Not much has changed there.

    09:10-09:12

    The church is great at that, aren't we?

    09:12-09:13

    We're great at that.

    09:14-09:16

    We will make a big deal out of nonsense.

    09:16-09:21

    Oh no, we'll fight about little points of doctrine that will never get figured out.

    09:21-09:22

    We'll fight about that.

    09:22-09:30

    But one of our members can be living a destructive, sinful lifestyle and we're like, "Oh, what can you do?" And we'll ignore that.

    09:34-09:44

    Just like Corinth, Paul tells them and us how to deal with the sinner.

    09:44-09:58

    But I think first we've got to make sure that we recognize what sin is, because I think in the landscape of the church today we've forgotten that such a thing even exists.

    10:02-10:03

    Do we recognize sin?

    10:06-10:19

    See, in Corinth, we're going to talk more about this here in a couple weeks, but the Greeks saw sex as a merely biological function.

    10:20-10:21

    That's all it was.

    10:22-10:23

    Sex was just a biological function.

    10:24-10:25

    It's like this.

    10:26-10:28

    You're hungry, you eat, right?

    10:28-10:29

    That's just natural.

    10:30-10:32

    and you're thirsty, you drink.

    10:33-10:34

    That's just natural.

    10:34-10:44

    And you have those urges, you just do it because it's just natural to do that.

    10:47-10:51

    You know what the problem was in Corinth and in our church today?

    10:51-10:52

    Same problem.

    10:53-11:01

    We have lost the idea that marriage and sexuality are sacred things.

    11:02-11:03

    We've lost that.

    11:03-11:05

    We have completely lost that concept.

    11:08-11:17

    There is no idea around this is a holy and sacred and precious thing that needs to be protected.

    11:18-11:20

    We become a bunch of dogs.

    11:24-11:26

    You study God's Word.

    11:26-11:30

    Do you know how sacred marriage and sexuality is?

    11:30-11:31

    I mean, this is God's picture.

    11:32-11:35

    God says, "I have this." And this is all the way from creation.

    11:35-11:36

    God says, "I have this design.

    11:37-11:47

    I'm gonna take a man and a woman, and these two are going to enter a lifelong covenant with each other." They're gonna make this lifelong commitment, this covenant.

    11:48-11:54

    They're gonna have a relationship with each other that's unlike the relationship they have with anybody else on the earth.

    11:55-11:58

    and two will become one.

    11:59-12:06

    And the physical manifestation of two becoming one is the act of intimacy.

    12:08-12:16

    They're going to know each other in a way that no one else knows either of them.

    12:16-12:18

    They know each other that way.

    12:18-12:20

    This is a sacred thing.

    12:20-12:25

    We find out in the New Testament It's a picture of the gospel.

    12:28-12:34

    God enters a covenant with His people and has an intimate relationship with His people.

    12:34-12:35

    It's a picture.

    12:36-12:37

    And it's sacred.

    12:39-12:47

    The church, when we abandon God's design, we disregard the sacredness.

    12:49-12:50

    And we've abandoned all purity.

    12:52-12:58

    And it is the church's job, yes, it is still the church's job to promote and pursue purity.

    13:00-13:05

    To the extent - quick callback - Pastor Taylor just read Ephesians 5.

    13:05-13:07

    Again, verse 3.

    13:08-13:24

    "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints." We, church, have to deal with people that are in sin.

    13:27-13:34

    But that requires recognizing when people are in unrepentant sin.

    13:35-13:36

    Can we recognize that?

    13:39-13:41

    What do you do?

    13:41-13:42

    What do you do with the guy?

    13:43-13:44

    Well, look at verse 2 again.

    13:44-13:45

    Last part.

    13:46-13:53

    "Let him who has done this removed from among you." You see that?

    13:54-14:01

    The Bible says when someone who claims to be a believer is living in unrepentant sin, remove him.

    14:01-14:02

    Get him out of the church.

    14:03-14:08

    You're like, "Is that really what it says, or is that just kind of like your interpretation?" No, that's what it says.

    14:09-14:13

    Actually, you're going to see this six times in the passage.

    14:14-14:18

    In verse 2, verse 5, verse 7, verse 9, and twice in verse 11.

    14:22-14:25

    In this case, you remove them.

    14:26-14:33

    Paul says you grab them by the scruff of the neck and the seat of the pants, and you find a stained glass window and you throw him out.

    14:36-14:37

    Remove him.

    14:38-14:42

    We're going to ask you to step down from your position of leadership.

    14:45-14:48

    Not, you can still come here but I need you to sit in the back.

    14:52-15:00

    Not, alright, alright listen, you can come to church here but I'm going to ask that you not say anything, just keep your mouth shut.

    15:02-15:03

    No.

    15:04-15:04

    Out.

    15:05-15:06

    You're not welcome here.

    15:11-15:12

    You've got to recognize sin.

    15:12-15:13

    And that leads us to number two.

    15:14-15:19

    Paul touches on it, and I'm sure maybe the Corinthians were as shocked as some of you are now.

    15:20-15:21

    So he elaborates.

    15:21-15:22

    Number two, write this down.

    15:22-15:23

    Remove the sinner.

    15:24-15:24

    What do we do?

    15:24-15:25

    We've got to recognize sin.

    15:27-15:29

    God give us vision for that.

    15:29-15:31

    And when we do, we've got to remove the sinner.

    15:32-15:32

    Look at verse 3.

    15:34-15:52

    Paul elaborates, "For though absent in body, I am present in spirit, and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing." Paul's like, "Guys, I'm not even there, and I know what needs to happen.

    15:52-16:33

    How are you not seeing this?" Verse 4, he says, "When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus, and my spirit is present with the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord." He says, verse 4, "This is according to the authority of Jesus in His name, and this must be done in the power of Jesus." What do we do with him, Paul?

    16:33-16:44

    He says, "Deliver this man to Satan." He says, "Throw him out into the world." Like, "Oh, you want to live like the world?

    16:45-16:45

    Is that it?

    16:46-16:47

    You want to live like the world?

    16:47-16:49

    Okay, go live like the world.

    16:50-16:51

    You're not doing that in here.

    16:52-16:56

    Because in here, we don't pattern our behavior after the world.

    16:56-17:00

    So if you are, then you can go into the world and do that.

    17:04-17:05

    Get 'em out.

    17:07-17:07

    Get 'em out.

    17:08-17:14

    And somebody's like, yeah, but you know, a guy like that, he needs church.

    17:15-17:17

    That's true, but the church doesn't need him.

    17:19-17:20

    The Bible is clear on this.

    17:22-17:23

    The Bible is so clear on this.

    17:24-18:02

    Proverbs 22, look what Proverbs 22 says, verse 10, "Drive out a scoffer and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease." Again, Titus 3:10, "As for a person who stirs up division," again, this isn't just about sexual sin, we're going to see that here in 1 Corinthians 5, it's other unrepentant sin But as for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.

    18:02-18:07

    Like, look, we've talked about this, and we've talked about this, and you're still causing problems.

    18:08-18:10

    I'm ignoring you. We're all ignoring you.

    18:10-18:12

    We're having nothing to do with you. Go.

    18:15-18:16

    Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

    18:16-18:17

    You're like, time out. Why?

    18:18-18:25

    Like, what good is it to throw the guy out of church?

    18:26-18:29

    Like, don't we love people here? Absolutely we do.

    18:31-18:42

    Well then, if we really love people, why, when somebody is stuck in sin, what good would it be to have them go out of church?

    18:42-18:44

    Well, there's four things.

    18:44-18:45

    Write this down on your outline.

    18:45-18:47

    What do we hope to accomplish by throwing him out?

    18:50-18:52

    Look, this is an act of love.

    18:53-18:55

    You have to understand that.

    18:56-19:00

    The most loving thing we can do is show them the door.

    19:02-19:03

    What do you hope to accomplish?

    19:03-19:05

    Well, there's four things you have to accomplish.

    19:05-19:07

    And you're going to see here, you're going to hit him everywhere.

    19:08-19:09

    Four things you hope to accomplish.

    19:11-19:14

    First of all, letter A, in his heart, We hope he's ashamed.

    19:16-19:18

    That's one of the things you hope to accomplish.

    19:18-19:19

    We hope he's ashamed.

    19:21-19:23

    2 Thessalonians 3:14.

    19:25-19:30

    Paul says, "If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person." Here it is again.

    19:30-19:33

    "And have nothing to do with him." Why would we do that, Paul?

    19:33-19:36

    Look, that he may be ashamed.

    19:39-19:40

    You're trying to shame someone?

    19:40-19:42

    We are, actually.

    19:44-19:55

    Shame for that person to be out in the world, maybe with friends and family, like, "Hey, don't you go to that church?" Like, "Ah, yeah, they kind of threw me out." "You got thrown out of church?

    19:58-20:01

    That's embarrassing." "Yeah, that's real embarrassing.

    20:03-20:09

    My conduct is so bad, the church doesn't want me there." What are we driving at?

    20:09-20:14

    We want the person to stop and be like, what am I doing?

    20:16-20:16

    Right?

    20:18-20:18

    We hope he's ashamed.

    20:19-20:21

    Letter B, so that's getting to the heart.

    20:21-20:23

    Now we're going to the head, letter B in his head.

    20:24-20:25

    We hope he learns.

    20:27-20:28

    We hope he learns.

    20:28-20:37

    See what Paul told Timothy, 1 Timothy 1.20, "Hymenius and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan," same terminology here in 1 Corinthians 5, right?

    20:38-20:45

    whom I have handed over to Satan, that they may learn not to blaspheme." You see that?

    20:45-20:49

    And it says, "We hope he learns." Like, talking to him didn't register.

    20:51-20:51

    So go.

    20:52-20:53

    Go think about your choices.

    20:53-20:56

    Again, same principle.

    20:56-21:02

    We want the person out of the church going, "What am I doing?

    21:04-21:17

    What am I doing that these people who love and care for me, consider my behavior so bad that I have to be kicked out in the hall like an unruly fourth grader.

    21:18-21:19

    What am I doing?

    21:22-21:24

    So we're hitting him in the heart.

    21:24-21:25

    We're hitting him in the head.

    21:25-21:27

    In his body. We hope he suffers.

    21:29-21:30

    We hope he suffers.

    21:33-21:58

    Back in 1 Corinthians 5, says, "Deliver him to Satan." Whoa, why? He says, "For the destruction of the flesh." You know, Satan can touch your body, but he can't touch your soul. He can touch your body, but he can't touch your soul. And sin always, eventually, leads to suffering every time.

    21:59-22:03

    You continue an unrepentant, flagrant, disobedient sin, eventually you are going to suffer.

    22:05-22:05

    Disease.

    22:08-22:08

    Depression.

    22:11-22:11

    Addiction.

    22:14-22:15

    Throw him out. Why?

    22:16-22:18

    You've got to let him reap the consequences of his sin.

    22:19-22:20

    You want to live like that? Go live like that.

    22:21-22:22

    Let me know how that works out for you.

    22:23-22:27

    Spoiler alert, it's going to wreck him eventually.

    22:31-22:43

    We want the person to get out there living in his sin, if that's what he chooses to do, to get to the point where he's suffering in one of these ways, and he's like, "What am I doing?

    22:45-22:49

    I wasn't suffering like this while I was actively seeking the Lord.

    22:49-22:55

    What am I doing?" You're like, "Wow.

    22:57-23:03

    Seriously, Pastor Jeff, you're saying you're hoping when they're thrown out, you're hoping they're ashamed, they learn a lesson and they suffer.

    23:03-23:09

    Is that what you're hoping for?" "A hundred percent." "Why?" Well, look back at 1 Corinthians 5.

    23:11-23:12

    Look at verse 5 again.

    23:16-23:21

    He says, "Deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh." Here's the end goal.

    23:22-23:27

    "So that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord." So that's letter D.

    23:27-23:29

    In his spirit, we hope he repents.

    23:34-23:37

    Listen, this is the hard reality.

    23:37-23:38

    This is the tough love.

    23:40-24:25

    But when somebody is in flagrance and refuses to repent, and they are shown the door, not trying to punish them. Like, "I hate you, I hope you suffer." No, no, no. It's, "I love you, and I hope that this suffering brings you back." You know who the poster boy is for this? It's the prodigal son. Luke 15, Jesus told the story. Now, maybe you're familiar with the story, but this, "Dad, give me my share of the inheritance." And the kid takes and he goes and he spends it all, and he's broke, and now he's feeding the pigs, and he's so hungry, he wishes he could eat the garbage that he's feeding the pigs.

    24:27-24:29

    Now, remember the story.

    24:29-24:39

    He had to get to the place where he was so broken that he says, "What am I doing?" So let me ask you, what would have happened?

    24:39-24:41

    I know it's a made-up story, but let's get in it.

    24:42-24:46

    What would have happened if dad would have run in to rescue him?

    24:48-24:48

    What would have happened?

    24:50-24:52

    Kids like him out of money and dad picks him up.

    24:52-24:55

    "All right, son, come on home." Would the kid have learned anything?

    24:57-24:57

    Would he?

    24:58-24:59

    No!

    24:59-25:01

    He wouldn't have learned a thing and he'd do it again.

    25:03-25:11

    So dad, hard as it was, had to let him suffer the consequences of his own stupid choices.

    25:14-25:15

    And that's what Paul is saying here.

    25:16-26:24

    When someone continues to thumb their nose at God, despite your appeals, despite your tears, despite your pleading with them, despite your praying with them, and they still persist in sin, Paul's like, "The most loving thing you can do is show them the door." Because that's always the objection, anytime you talk about something like this. "It is so unloving, it is so unloving to kick somebody out of church." No, it is not. Unloving is allowing someone to dishonor the Lord. Unloving is allowing someone to think that sin has no consequences. Unloving is keeping someone from the joy of repenting and walking with the Lord. And he's never going to repent from his sin if the church just accepts it.

    26:28-27:17

    So what good is it to throw him out? Well, the hope is eventually it benefits him by leading to repentance. But you know, that's only one of the benefits. Actually that's kind of secondary, believe it or not. Number three, write this down. When there's sin in the church and you've got to remove the sinner, number three, remember the purpose. Yes, it's about ultimately restoring Him, but there's a bigger purpose in mind than even restoring the sinner. I want you to see this in your Bibles. Look at verses 6-8. Paul says, "Your boasting is not good.

    27:21-27:33

    Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the with the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened.

    27:33-27:36

    For Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed.

    27:38-28:25

    Let us therefore celebrate the festival not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the leavened bread of sincerity and truth." gives an illustration here, and it's an illustration from Passover, Exodus chapter 12. And it's an illustration also about bread. When you made bread, there would be a giant lump of unleavened dough, and you would have to take old leaven from a previous loaf, and you would have to put it in the new dough so that that leaven would permeate the whole loaf.

    28:27-28:33

    Okay, now dial in here because this is such a beautiful and genius and multi-layered illustration.

    28:35-28:36

    It's so profound.

    28:38-28:42

    But see leaven in this illustration, it's a picture of sin.

    28:44-28:46

    Verse 8, he says it's malice and evil.

    28:50-29:10

    Paul here is saying the reason that you remove the sinner from church is the same reason you wouldn't put leaven in an unleavened loaf, because when you allow it in, it affects everything.

    29:11-29:11

    You see that?

    29:11-29:13

    It's about permeation.

    29:13-29:14

    That's what Paul is saying here.

    29:14-29:15

    Remember the purpose.

    29:15-29:16

    Throw him out.

    29:16-29:16

    Why?

    29:16-29:17

    Remember the purpose?

    29:17-29:29

    If he's here, if he's in the church, his sin, like the leaven in the lump, his sin is going to ultimately affect everyone.

    29:32-29:33

    You're like, "Well, what's the deal with Passover?

    29:34-29:39

    What's the illustration there?" Again, it's just crazy brilliant.

    29:40-29:48

    But in the Passover, remember the last plague, death of the firstborn, Israel was to put the blood of a spotless lamb on their doorposts.

    29:49-29:51

    And when they did that, that was the defining moment.

    29:53-29:56

    That was its separation time.

    29:56-29:57

    We are out of Egypt now.

    29:59-30:01

    Separating from Egypt.

    30:02-30:05

    We are called not to separate from Egypt.

    30:06-30:09

    We are called to separate from the world and the ways of the world.

    30:10-30:17

    That's why Paul says in verse 7 that the death of Christ is our moment of separation.

    30:18-30:24

    Just for the Jews, blood on the door meant separation from Egypt.

    30:24-30:29

    For us, the blood of Jesus means separation from the ways of the world.

    30:29-30:30

    Do you see that?

    30:32-30:36

    And with the Passover, and the leaven and the bread, here's how it all comes together.

    30:37-30:40

    When they left Egypt, They were to take no leaven with them.

    30:41-30:41

    Why?

    30:42-30:45

    It was a picture of you're leaving that behind.

    30:45-30:48

    You're not taking Egypt with you.

    30:49-30:50

    You're separating now.

    30:52-30:53

    So here's what Paul's saying.

    30:55-30:59

    Church, Christ died to make you holy.

    30:59-31:03

    Separate yourselves from the world, the ways of the world.

    31:03-31:10

    Don't allow leaven - Why?

    31:13-31:15

    Because the purity of the church is at stake.

    31:15-31:16

    That's why.

    31:19-31:23

    Because like leaven, sin spreads.

    31:26-31:27

    Sin's infectious.

    31:29-31:33

    So, verse 7, here it is again, "Cleanse out the old leaven." What's he saying?

    31:33-31:37

    Get the unrepentant sinner out because He's going to affect everyone.

    31:42-32:04

    Because as people, you are more tempted to excuse and ignore your own sin if you're in a community where we excuse and ignore sin.

    32:07-32:15

    You are more tempted to excuse and ignore your own sin if you're in a community that excuses and ignores other people's sin.

    32:16-32:17

    Don't believe me?

    32:19-32:29

    If you teach in Harvest Academy, what happens if you have one kid in the class?

    32:30-32:34

    One kid just had too much espresso that morning or something.

    32:35-32:39

    Put a little too much saccharine on the old Count Chocula.

    32:40-32:53

    And he comes in, and he is kicking people, and he is jumping up and down on the table, and he is screaming, and you don't address it at all.

    32:53-32:54

    What eventually happens?

    32:56-32:57

    None of you worked with kids?

    32:57-32:57

    Oh, come on.

    32:58-32:59

    It eventually happens.

    33:01-33:04

    Oh, you have worked with kids, right?

    33:04-33:07

    All of a sudden, little Joey's jumping on the table.

    33:07-33:08

    What's little Billy doing?

    33:09-33:12

    Apparently this is what we're doing, right?

    33:13-33:14

    Little Joey's screaming.

    33:15-33:19

    Now all of a sudden, little Betsy's like, it looks like we're screaming.

    33:19-33:24

    And if you don't address it, what are you going to have in about two minutes?

    33:25-33:31

    You're going to have an entire room full of kids all acting like little Joey.

    33:32-33:35

    And little Joey's number needs to be up on that little screen right there.

    33:36-33:44

    It says, "Come get little Joey." Why? He needs to be removed.

    33:45-33:45

    Why?

    33:48-33:49

    Not because we hate little Joey.

    33:51-33:57

    But because little Joey's affecting whole class, you see?

    33:58-34:00

    You know that same principle is true for adults, isn't it?

    34:03-34:12

    If we tolerate or condone, God help us, applaud sin, what we do, church, is we create a culture where people are comfortable to sin.

    34:16-34:21

    And it's not long before rainbow flags are hanging on the church.

    34:25-34:27

    We're called to be different, aren't we?

    34:28-34:31

    Aren't we called to be different than the ways of the world?

    34:31-34:33

    Aren't we called to pursue the ways of God?

    34:33-34:38

    Aren't we called to represent the kingdom of Jesus Christ here on earth?

    34:41-34:43

    And you're like, "Oh, so what are you saying, Pastor Jeff?

    34:43-34:47

    You have to be perfect to come here?" "Oh, no, no, no, not at all.

    34:47-34:52

    No, we're not saying that at all." That leads us to Paul's last point here.

    34:52-34:53

    Write this one down.

    34:54-35:03

    Number four, restrict discipline to believers.

    35:06-35:08

    Restrict discipline to believers.

    35:09-35:09

    Look at verse 9.

    35:12-35:23

    He says, "I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people." You're like, "What letter?" Well, there was another letter.

    35:23-35:26

    He wrote them a letter before 1 Corinthians.

    35:28-35:29

    And we don't have that letter.

    35:30-35:32

    Do you think if God wanted us to have it, we would have it?

    35:33-35:33

    For sure.

    35:34-35:35

    For some reason, God didn't want us to have it.

    35:35-35:40

    But we have some clues, right, about what was going on there.

    35:41-35:46

    Part of that letter was He told the Corinthians you need to avoid immoral people.

    35:46-35:48

    And now He's saying, "Look, that's what I told you before.

    35:49-35:52

    It's true, but I need to clarify some things here, right?

    35:52-36:02

    Because apparently you're not getting it." Verse 10, "Not at all." Meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters.

    36:03-36:05

    Since then, you would need to go out of the world.

    36:07-36:18

    He says, "Look, when we say avoid sinners, He goes, "I'm not talking about avoiding non-Christians." He goes, "That's impossible.

    36:21-36:22

    That is impossible.

    36:25-36:37

    As long as you are living on this earth, you are going to interact with non-Christians." So this whole remove, separate yourself, he says, "I'm not talking about non-Christians at all.

    36:37-36:44

    Yes, we should be loving and reaching out and sharing the gospel and inviting the church to non-Christians, absolutely.

    36:45-36:51

    Paul's like, "I am so not talking about that." What are you talking about, Paul?

    36:51-36:53

    Look at verse 11, here it is.

    36:54-37:02

    But now I'm writing to you, not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother.

    37:05-37:05

    Did you see that?

    37:07-37:24

    if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler, not even to eat with such a one." Paul's making it very clear here.

    37:24-37:29

    He's not saying we just avoid sinners, we avoid non-Christians. No, no, no.

    37:29-37:41

    He says, "I'm talking about people who claim to be born-again believers but are unrepentant, flagrantly, proudly living in sin.

    37:42-37:44

    By the way, not just limited to sexual sin.

    37:46-37:47

    I think you saw that.

    37:48-37:53

    Sometimes that's the only sin the church wants to pick on because they sin differently than us.

    37:55-37:56

    It's not the only sin.

    37:57-37:59

    But you have to see the difference.

    38:02-38:04

    You have a Christian in sin.

    38:05-38:06

    This happens all the time.

    38:08-38:08

    All the time.

    38:08-38:12

    You have the Christian in sin that's like, "Look, I am struggling. I need help.

    38:13-38:15

    What I'm doing is wrong.

    38:16-38:25

    I need help." And you have a different guy that is like, "Look, nobody tells me what to do.

    38:26-38:27

    Who are you to judge me?

    38:27-38:28

    What I'm doing is not wrong.

    38:29-38:34

    Who do you think you are telling me I can't be with this person or do this.

    38:34-38:35

    You don't tell me what to do.

    38:35-38:37

    Nobody tells me what to do.

    38:37-38:38

    You see the difference?

    38:39-38:44

    There's a huge difference in attitude, and there's a huge difference in our response.

    38:45-38:46

    Please hear me.

    38:47-38:59

    If you call yourself a Christian and you come to me or one of our pastors, one of our elders, and you come to us and you say, "Pastor Jeff, I'm stuck in sin.

    38:59-38:59

    Please help me.

    39:00-39:03

    I realize this is wrong, and I want to honor Christ.

    39:04-39:08

    I will do whatever it takes to get you on track in your walk with the Lord.

    39:08-39:09

    I will work with you.

    39:09-39:11

    I will spend as much time as we need.

    39:11-39:17

    I will get whoever needs to be involved to get you on track in seeking the Lord the way you should.

    39:17-39:19

    I will do anything in the world for you.

    39:19-39:23

    You have to know that, and there are some people in this room that know that firsthand.

    39:28-39:39

    On the other hand, someone who calls himself a Christian, but they're in sin, and they're lovingly confronted, "Hey, what you're doing isn't right.

    39:39-39:42

    This is dishonoring the Lord." And they refuse to repent.

    39:42-39:43

    "Who do you think you are?

    39:43-39:47

    You don't tell me what to do." He's out.

    39:49-39:50

    He's out.

    39:53-39:57

    But listen, This is an austere passage for sure.

    40:00-40:09

    And I sure hope to heaven that none of you think that anybody is reveling in the thought of evicting somebody from church.

    40:10-40:12

    This is a horribly sad and painful thing.

    40:14-40:18

    No one is happy when this has to happen.

    40:19-40:21

    And this isn't meant to be harsh.

    40:22-40:24

    You see, it's confronting people in a spirit of love.

    40:25-40:26

    It's a plea to repent.

    40:30-40:34

    Because of the Gospel, because of the Kingdom, because of our testimony, because purity matters.

    40:37-40:37

    That's the point.

    40:37-40:42

    If there's flagrant, obvious sin and there's an absolute refusal to repent, then they're out.

    40:43-41:01

    And we can sit here today, church, and we can look at the text on the page, and we can agree with the concepts, but I'm going to tell you for a fact, It gets real hard when it actually happens to one of us.

    41:02-41:08

    I mean, we can agree to the concept, but when there's a face and a name, then it gets real hard.

    41:10-41:12

    This happened a handful of times over my ministry.

    41:13-41:15

    I could tell you stories.

    41:17-41:29

    I could tell you stories of a man who was sneaking off and having a relationship with one of the girls in the youth group.

    41:30-41:31

    This was at a previous church.

    41:33-41:33

    Confronted.

    41:35-41:36

    Chip on his shoulder.

    41:36-41:40

    "You don't understand." The man's 38. She was like 14.

    41:42-41:43

    Confronted. He's like, "You don't understand.

    41:43-41:48

    She's very mature. We have a special relationship." The law was involved, by the way.

    41:50-41:52

    and he went to where he needed to go.

    41:54-42:06

    But in that conversation with him, I said, "You are not welcome here." He said, "Where am I supposed to go?" And I said, "That's not my problem, but not here." Closing time.

    42:07-42:09

    You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

    42:12-42:26

    We had another situation with a man who asked for help in saving his marriage, He seemed real repentant until somebody from church caught him on a date with another woman out at a restaurant holding hands while they were at a table.

    42:27-42:28

    He was confronted with that.

    42:31-42:31

    There's the door.

    42:33-42:37

    And look, I could tell you several more.

    42:37-42:38

    I'm not going to.

    42:39-42:48

    But I can tell you this, every single time in my ministry that's happened, those have been some of the most painful seasons of ministry that I've experienced.

    42:49-42:49

    It's not fun.

    42:51-43:12

    It's not fun to sit down with a brother or a sister and say, "You are dishonoring the Lord in your conduct, and we are begging you to turn this around." The hope when someone is removed, the hope is always that they repent and we will joyfully restore them, and then we all move on.

    43:12-43:13

    It's in the rear view mirror.

    43:13-43:13

    We're done.

    43:13-43:14

    You repented.

    43:15-43:16

    Okay, we're not going to talk about it.

    43:16-43:16

    We're not going to bring it up.

    43:17-43:17

    We're done.

    43:18-43:19

    That's the hope.

    43:20-43:21

    But you know what usually happens in our culture?

    43:24-43:26

    Somebody's confronted with their sin.

    43:27-43:28

    They get upset.

    43:28-43:29

    Then what do they do?

    43:32-43:33

    Off to Orchard Hill.

    43:35-43:37

    I don't need to sit here and listen to this.

    43:38-43:39

    Off to Northway.

    43:40-43:41

    Off to anywhere but here.

    43:43-43:45

    Hope they don't throw me out for sinning.

    43:46-43:53

    I'm like, "I kind of hope they do." Yeah, that's typically what happens.

    43:54-43:59

    People are disciplined and they just, they just, you know, pack up their Bible and they go to another church.

    44:00-44:10

    And you're like, "Well, so discipline didn't do them any good." Well, maybe not, but it did the church good because tolerating sin will destroy the church.

    44:13-44:14

    Look at verse 12.

    44:16-44:20

    Paul says, "For what have I to do with judging outsiders?

    44:21-44:28

    Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?" Paul's like, "Outsiders?

    44:29-44:29

    Not my business.

    44:30-44:35

    Members, my business." He talks about judging here.

    44:35-44:37

    I'd encourage you to underline that verse in your Bible.

    44:39-44:43

    Next time somebody says, "Don't judge me." Listen, we talked about this in the Sermon on the Mount.

    44:44-44:48

    We are forbidden to judge motives.

    44:49-44:52

    But look, here, we are commanded to judge actions.

    44:53-44:57

    We are commanded to judge the actions of those in church, those who call themselves believers.

    44:57-44:58

    We are commanded.

    44:59-45:05

    We have a responsibility to the person, we have a responsibility to the church, and we have a responsibility to God.

    45:07-45:10

    You're like, "Well, okay, what about the sin of the outsiders?

    45:10-45:12

    What about them?

    45:12-45:12

    What about their sin?

    45:13-45:15

    What about the sin of the unbelievers?

    45:15-45:18

    Well, verse 13, "God judges those outside.

    45:19-45:25

    Purge the evil person from among you." Yeah, you know, the non-believers in sin, don't worry about them.

    45:25-45:26

    God will take care of them.

    45:26-45:36

    You love them, you share the gospel with them, you help them know and receive and believe in Jesus Christ, but as far as their sin goes, God will take care of that.

    45:37-45:38

    That's His job.

    45:38-45:48

    Your job, last phrase, "Purge the evil person from among you." Maybe your Bible has that in quotes because that's not a new concept.

    45:49-45:50

    That's an Old Testament quote.

    45:50-45:58

    You're like, "From where?" From Deuteronomy 13, Deuteronomy 17, Deuteronomy 19, Deuteronomy 21, Deuteronomy 22, Deuteronomy 24.

    45:58-46:02

    There was a principle for ancient Israel that is for the church.

    46:04-46:04

    Get them out.

    46:07-46:07

    and get them out.

    46:09-46:11

    At this point, you're like, what am I supposed to do?

    46:11-46:13

    What am I supposed to do with this information, Pastor Jeff?

    46:14-46:20

    And I can tell you, it is my sincere hope that you never have to do anything with this information.

    46:25-46:34

    But, if you see a brother or sister in sin, you have a responsibility to encourage them to repent.

    46:37-46:39

    Matthew 18 gives principles for the process.

    46:39-46:44

    And I know Matthew 18 is if somebody sins against you directly, I think the principle still stands.

    46:44-46:46

    Go by yourself. Get the whole story.

    46:46-46:47

    Sit down with them.

    46:48-46:50

    It's what I think I'm seeing, actually what I'm seeing.

    46:51-46:54

    And if they refuse to repent, get some people from your small group.

    46:55-46:59

    Like, "Hey, it looks like you're making some really bad choices right now.

    46:59-47:00

    We love you and we care about you.

    47:01-47:10

    We want you to get on track." If they refuse to listen to that, then you need to come and talk to me and we'll take care of it from there.

    47:12-47:13

    But church, we are not headhunting.

    47:15-47:18

    We are not looking for reasons to eject people.

    47:18-47:23

    We are not making a federal case out of something minor.

    47:23-47:24

    Okay?

    47:25-47:28

    I saw Billy smoking a cigar at a wedding.

    47:28-47:29

    Church discipline!

    47:29-47:30

    No.

    47:33-47:39

    "Slow down there, deputy dog." And we are certainly not assuming or judging character.

    47:39-47:42

    The only thing we can judge is action.

    47:43-47:44

    This is what I see you doing.

    47:45-47:47

    And this is where God says that is wrong.

    47:48-47:53

    We're talking about flagrant, obvious, verified, unrepentant sin.

    47:53-48:01

    And we won't be a pure church if we refuse to deal with sinners.

    48:02-48:03

    Let's pray.

    48:04-48:09

    Father in Heaven, it's a lot easier to preach Psalm 23.

    48:12-48:16

    But we are committed to preaching the whole counsel of God.

    48:16-48:38

    And Father, as uncomfortable as this might be and as offensive as this might be, Father, give us the wisdom and give us the understanding that this is actually the most loving thing we can do is to allow someone to be shown the door if they refuse to repent.

    48:40-48:41

    Father, You know our hearts.

    48:42-48:45

    In every case, it's our hope that there is repentance and restoration.

    48:47-48:50

    Father, You care so much about the purity of this church.

    48:52-49:04

    And I'm asking, Father, that You would give us compassion and love, and at the same time, boldness and obedience to handle things in a way that glorify and honor You.

    49:06-49:09

    We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 5

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Why do you think people have a hard time with a church removing an unrepentant sinner, when the Bible clearly commands it?

  3. What is the motivation behind removing someone from church? What does it do for the church?

  4. Explain 1 Cor 5:5 in your own words.

  5. How would you coach someone on “How exactly do I confront a brother in Christ who is clearly in unrepentant sin?”

Breakout
Pray for one another.