sex

What If I'm Not in a Biblical Marriage?

Introduction:

Matters of Marriage: A Word for Each of You. (1 Corinthians 7:8-16)

  1. Singles: Enjoy the GIFT of SINGLENESS or GET MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:8-9)

    Single & Want to Get Married? 3 Don'ts:

    1. Don't SETTLE.

    2. Don't Look for the RIGHT PERSON.

    3. Don't Seek MARRIAGE – Seek LOVE.

  2. Married Christians: STAY MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:10-11)

  3. Married to a NonChristian (Who Wants to Stay Married): STAY MARRIED. (1 Cor 7:12-14)

  4. Married to a NonChristian (Who Wants to Leave): LET THEM GO. (1 Cor 7:15-16)

    Romans 7:2For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.

    Matthew 19:8He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce...”

    Matthew 19:9 - “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:36-00:39

    Open up those Bibles, 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

    00:41-00:42

    Chapter 7.

    00:44-00:47

    We're in the third section of 1 Corinthians.

    00:48-00:51

    Chapters 1 through 4 is about unity.

    00:52-00:54

    Like church, get it together.

    00:56-00:58

    Chapters 5 and 6 are about purity.

    01:01-01:08

    And then when we get to chapter 7 verse 1, you see that Paul is addressing some questions that they had.

    01:10-01:17

    And the first subject of this Q&A session is marriage.

    01:20-01:22

    So that's where we are.

    01:22-01:24

    We go where the text takes us.

    01:24-01:33

    I'm going to ask that you would please just quiet your heart before the Lord for a moment and pray for me to be faithful to communicate God's Word.

    01:33-01:44

    This is a passage that is going to get a reaction, and it's not about really my opinion or your opinion, it's what did God actually say?

    01:45-01:46

    That's what we're going after, right?

    01:48-01:52

    So pray for me to be faithful to clearly communicate what God said.

    01:52-01:57

    I will pray for you to have a heart open to receive what it is that God said.

    01:57-01:59

    All right, let's just take a moment and pray.

    02:02-02:16

    Our Father in heaven, I know that many times in my life I've had strong opinions about things that have had to change because of what your Word says.

    02:22-02:26

    Because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what any of us think, Father, It only matters what you think.

    02:27-02:42

    So I just pray that you would give us wisdom, that you would eliminate any distractions in our hearts and minds so we can just lock into what your Word has to say here.

    02:44-02:45

    It's for the glory of your name.

    02:46-03:00

    We pray in Jesus' name, and all of God's people said, "Amen." If you've been with us at all through our series in 1 Corinthians, we've seen that everything was a mess, right?

    03:00-03:06

    So now Paul's talking about marriage and no surprise, marriage was a mess.

    03:07-03:09

    We talked about this last week.

    03:09-03:16

    There were people strong on the single side and there were people strong on the marriage side.

    03:16-03:17

    Which one is good?

    03:17-03:21

    And the answer is both of them are good.

    03:23-03:28

    Marriage was a mess in Corinth, and if we're going to be honest, we're not doing so hot here today either.

    03:31-03:38

    As I was preparing this, I get an email that has just short news articles in it and updates and things like that.

    03:39-03:42

    And I just read this on Friday, I wanted to share part of this article with you.

    03:43-03:50

    This is the newest craze, I haven't heard of this one, maybe you have, but the newest craze is divorce rings.

    03:51-03:52

    Have you heard of divorce rings?

    03:53-03:54

    Raise your hand if you've heard of divorce rings.

    03:55-03:57

    Okay, a couple of you have, all right.

    03:58-04:04

    This is new as far as this article told us, but I just want to read part of it.

    04:04-04:18

    It says, "The diamond ring Alex Weinstein," that's a female, "wears every day is a reminder that once upon a time she said, "I do," these days she happily says she does not.

    04:20-04:45

    Weinstein got divorced last March and tossed her engagement ring in a drawer for a few months. Then the Tampa, Florida-based content creator decided to make herself a divorce ring. She reset a radiant three-carat stone from her ex- husband into gold, turning it east to west in a bezel." I should have looked up what that meant.

    04:45-04:46

    Anybody know what a bezel is?

    04:47-04:48

    Okay, nobody?

    04:49-04:50

    All right, I shouldn't have said anything, huh?

    04:51-04:53

    I was safe until I just said that.

    04:53-04:55

    All right, noted.

    04:55-04:56

    That helps me for the second service.

    04:58-05:07

    The shame and stigma, the article goes on, "The shame and stigma of divorce has been replaced for some women with empowerment and celebration.

    05:10-05:17

    While diamond rings have long been a cultural signifier of marriage, some women are also choosing to mark the end of their matrimonies with a little bling.

    05:21-05:26

    Weinstein says, "I'm not proud of getting divorced, but I am proud of putting myself first.

    05:28-05:34

    Why shouldn't I celebrate this chapter of my life?" Why am I sharing this article with you?

    05:36-05:49

    Because I think if anything sort of personifies how far we have drifted as a culture from God's ideal, I think this kind of nails it.

    05:50-05:53

    We are celebrating divorce.

    05:55-05:56

    We are celebrating it!

    06:00-06:04

    You know, we look at Corinth and we're like, "Man, those people were messed up." Us people are messed up.

    06:08-06:20

    Back to Corinth, though, some would say...some in Corinth had said, "Excuse me." Some said, "You know, being single is actually being more devoted to God." And they actually had married people get a divorce.

    06:21-06:36

    Like, "Hey, you'll be more devoted to God if you get the divorce." And then there were some that said, "Look, if you want to be devoted to God, you can't have intimate relations with a woman.

    06:36-06:48

    So if you want to stay married, just don't have any intimacy." Those were some of the thoughts they had in Corinth, and both of those are wrong.

    06:50-06:54

    In the previous passage, again, Paul said, "Staying single is good.

    06:54-06:56

    Marriage is good.

    06:56-06:59

    And intimacy in marriage should be a regular thing.

    07:03-07:05

    But what if I'm not in a biblical marriage?

    07:09-07:12

    What I mean is, what if I'm not married to a Christian?

    07:13-07:29

    I mean, you could go through the last couple of messages and say, "Oh, that's well and good for two people who love Jesus Christ, have the Word of God as their authority, and Oh yeah, like easy for them.

    07:31-07:33

    But what about me, Paul?

    07:34-07:38

    My spouse isn't a believer, so what am I supposed to do?

    07:40-07:41

    Should I just get a divorce?

    07:44-07:44

    What should I do?

    07:46-09:17

    Well, in this section we're looking at today, Paul clarifies matters of marriage addressing everyone in the church. Literally everyone in the church and everyone in this church. So this is kind of a good news/bad news thing. We're not having one sermon today. You're like, "All right, we are having four sermons today. All right, four sermons." Because each of these are very specifically addressed to a different group. So first up, matters of marriage, a word for each of you. You can take notes on the other ones if you like, but pay attention into the category you fall. Number one, singles. Singles, a word for you, here it is. Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married. Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married. All right, so if you're here and you're single, if you're streaming and you're single, if for you. All right? If you're single, enjoy that if it's a gift or get married. Look at verse 8. Paul says, "To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am." Unmarried for any reason, right? Paul, once again, this is a We're going to go through this quickly.

    09:18-09:19

    We talked all about this last week.

    09:19-09:21

    Paul said being single is good.

    09:23-09:23

    Right?

    09:23-09:24

    Being single is good.

    09:24-09:26

    Why is he circling back to that?

    09:26-09:34

    Because there were Jews in Corinth that said, "You couldn't be holy unless you were married." That was a common Jewish mindset in that day.

    09:35-09:36

    You couldn't be holy unless you were married.

    09:36-09:41

    Paul's like, "That's not true." All right?

    09:41-09:43

    It's a gift for some people.

    09:45-09:47

    And Paul listed himself as one of those people.

    09:48-09:50

    Paul here very clearly says that he was single.

    09:51-09:52

    Like what happened to Paul?

    09:52-09:52

    Did he get a divorce?

    09:53-09:54

    Did his wife leave him?

    09:54-09:55

    Is he a widower?

    09:56-09:57

    We have no idea.

    09:59-10:03

    We don't know the details, but we know from this verse that he was single.

    10:06-10:07

    Okay, so single people, listen.

    10:10-10:27

    not denying that there are pressures to being single that married couples do not have. Things like loneliness, things like trying to manage a household yourself.

    10:28-10:34

    There are pressures that single people experience that married people don't.

    10:35-10:39

    But Paul is reminding the single people again, it is not wrong.

    10:40-10:44

    You don't have to feel like you're a second-rate Christian because you're not married.

    10:44-10:46

    It is not wrong.

    10:46-10:51

    And we're going to see later in this chapter, there are actually some advantages to being single.

    10:52-10:54

    All right, but look at verse 9.

    10:56-11:05

    He says, "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.

    11:06-11:16

    For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." So Paul's like, "Okay, you're single, but you have those urges.

    11:19-11:20

    You can't control yourself.

    11:20-11:23

    You like want to be with a person so badly.

    11:24-11:27

    Like you found that being single really isn't for you.

    11:27-11:28

    What should I do?

    11:28-11:29

    Paul's like, get married.

    11:30-11:31

    Get married.

    11:32-11:35

    He says it's better to marry than to burn.

    11:36-11:37

    Again, we talked about this last week.

    11:37-11:40

    If you have the gift of singleness, you aren't burning.

    11:42-11:47

    But if you have those desires, God gave the right context to use them.

    11:48-11:49

    That's why he says get married.

    11:50-11:50

    Get married.

    11:50-11:54

    You have the passion, you have the desire, get married.

    11:57-12:07

    I've got to say a couple of things about that, unless somebody runs out of here today, runs right across the street to Pantera Bread, and is like, "Look, Pastor Jeff said to get married.

    12:07-12:10

    Are you single?" No, okay, "Are you single?" "No, I'm going to find somebody.

    12:10-12:11

    Pastor Jeff said to get married.

    12:12-12:12

    It's right in the Bible.

    12:13-12:15

    I've got to find somebody today." Let's pump the brakes for a second.

    12:17-12:17

    All right?

    12:17-12:21

    If you're single and you want to get married, I'm going to give you three don'ts here, all right?

    12:23-12:27

    He says to get married, yes, but I want to caution you on a couple of things here.

    12:27-12:28

    Three don'ts.

    12:29-12:30

    Letter A, don't settle.

    12:32-12:33

    Don't settle.

    12:36-12:38

    I know being single can be hard.

    12:39-12:40

    Do you know what's harder than being single?

    12:42-12:44

    Being married to the wrong person.

    12:46-12:54

    Rushing into a marriage, not really knowing somebody, not understanding they don't really love you, they don't really love the Lord as they should.

    12:58-13:02

    It is absolutely heartbreaking how many times I've seen that.

    13:02-13:14

    Somebody wanting marriage so badly that the first single person that comes along that looks eligible and there's some kind of interest, we're rushing right into it, and oh, the regret that comes from that.

    13:15-13:16

    I've made a huge mistake.

    13:17-13:18

    What do I do now?

    13:20-13:30

    settle. Letter B, don't look for the right person. Don't look for the right person.

    13:34-14:46

    Like, wait a minute, you just said it was bad to be married to the wrong person, now you're telling me not to look for the right person? Yeah, don't look for the right person. You need to focus on trying to be the right person, all right? Try to to be the right person. In the early days of this church when we were really teeny tiny we had a single guy that came to me. He came up to me, he goes, "Pastor Jeff, I think I'm going to go to another church." I'm like, "Oh, why? What's the matter?" He goes, "I love this church so much, but I really want to meet somebody and I just really want to get married." Not a lot of single people in that tiny church. And I said, "That's a terrible way to pick a church. You know, who's got the best single scene? I said, "That's a terrible way to pick a church." I said, "You need to find a church where God is feeding you and where God is using you. You find a church where that's happening, you trust God to do the rest." He's like, "You're right." He goes, "You're right." And it wasn't long after that he did find a single lady, even in her teeny tiny church, and they're married. They since moved away and they have like, I I don't know, 20 or 25 kids, I don't know.

    14:47-15:03

    But the point was he was willing to trust God and seeking God first and seeking to be the person worth marrying, not just trying to find the right person for him.

    15:04-15:06

    So try to be the right person for somebody else.

    15:08-15:12

    Letter C, I read this great advice from a pastor this past week.

    15:12-15:19

    He said, "Don't seek marriage, seek love." Don't seek marriage, seek love.

    15:20-15:24

    Because ultimately, you're going to marry the person that you fall in love with.

    15:26-15:27

    All right?

    15:27-15:33

    So when Paul here says, "Look, if you have the desire," he goes, "Don't burn with passion." He goes, "Go get married.

    15:33-15:41

    Go get married." But again, let's temper that with, let's not rush into anything.

    15:43-15:44

    It's going to bring regret.

    15:45-15:52

    God has called you, God has called all of us to be content and thankful in every chapter of life we find ourselves.

    15:54-15:56

    So singles, this sermon's for you.

    15:56-15:58

    Enjoy the gift of singleness or get married.

    15:59-15:59

    All right?

    16:02-16:04

    All right, next sermon.

    16:04-16:06

    This is for married Christians.

    16:07-16:09

    Are you and your spouse both Christians?

    16:10-16:38

    a word for you. Stay married. Very simple. Very simple. Look at verse 10. Paul says, "To the married I give this charge, not I, but the Lord. The wife should not separate from her husband." Not separate, obviously, he's talking about divorce. So he's talking here specifically to Christian couples.

    16:40-16:46

    We know this because he talks about mixed couples in verse 12.

    16:46-16:49

    And by the way, let's get this out of the way.

    16:50-16:56

    When we talk about mixed couples, or we talk about intermarrying, that has nothing to do with race.

    16:58-17:00

    There's only one race, there's the human race.

    17:01-17:10

    So as long as you're marrying another human of the opposite sex, oh, the things I didn't think I'd have to say.

    17:14-17:15

    Race doesn't matter.

    17:15-17:16

    Okay?

    17:16-17:21

    So when we talk about mixed marriages, biblically there is no such thing except for mixed faith.

    17:22-17:26

    That's what the Bible forbids, mixed faith marriages.

    17:26-17:28

    He talks about them in a second, all right?

    17:28-17:29

    I felt like I had to say that.

    17:35-17:50

    So Christian couples, Paul says, "I get a word for you," he goes, "not I, but the Lord." Meaning Paul's like, "Look, what I'm about to tell you came straight from the mouth of Jesus Christ Himself." This is the Lord's charge, all right?

    17:52-17:57

    The Lord's charge is, Christian couples, no divorce.

    17:59-18:00

    Divorce isn't an option.

    18:00-18:02

    Divorce isn't a word that's said in your home.

    18:04-18:10

    Jesus talked about this so many times, Matthew 5, Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 16.

    18:11-18:15

    Jesus taught over and over that marriage is meant to be lifelong.

    18:16-18:16

    All right?

    18:18-18:45

    So we're going to try you out for a year or two, if it's not going to work, we have our exit strategy. That's not how marriage is designed according to our Lord. Marriage is meant to be lifelong. And remember, there were some Corinthians that thought, "Yeah, but if you really want to be devoted to God, you've got to get a divorce." And Paul here is just saying, "You know, God's not on board with that." I mean, just imagine for a second.

    18:48-19:08

    for a second if that sentiment was legitimate. Let's just pretend for a second that you could be more devoted to God, you could be more devoted to Jesus if you got a divorce. Do you see what would happen? Everyone that's looking for an out would just use that excuse.

    19:11-19:13

    They'd be like, "You know what, sweetheart?

    19:14-19:27

    I think we should get a divorce because I just want to love Jesus more." Right?

    19:27-19:28

    It'd start a new phrase.

    19:28-19:36

    It would be, "It's not you, it's Him." Right?

    19:36-19:37

    But that was the mindset they had.

    19:37-19:38

    And Paul's like, "No, no, no, no.

    19:40-19:42

    The words of our Lord are quite clear.

    19:43-19:52

    Don't get a divorce." But then you have the person that's like, "Oh, Paul, I wish you would have wrote this letter two weeks ago, because I did buy it.

    19:52-19:53

    You know what?

    19:53-20:00

    Yeah, we are both believers, but I bought into the idea that getting a divorce would benefit my walk.

    20:00-20:05

    So what do you do if you are both Christians and you did get a divorce?

    20:05-20:09

    What do you do about that?" Well, look at verse 11.

    20:09-20:18

    He says, "But if she does get a divorce, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.

    20:21-20:28

    And the husband should not divorce his wife." Okay, so if you're like, "You know what?

    20:28-20:33

    I did get the divorce, and now looking back, we are both believers.

    20:33-20:37

    I shouldn't have done that." Paul goes, "Okay, well now you have two choices.

    20:37-20:58

    You're either unmarried the rest of your life, or go back to your husband and get back on track." Like, "I'm not sure that's possible." Well, if you're both Christians, forgiveness and healing and reconciliation should not be foreign concepts to you.

    21:01-21:04

    So if you and your spouse are both Christians, stay married.

    21:06-21:07

    All right?

    21:07-21:11

    And as we saw last week, verse 3, married Christian couples, pay your debt.

    21:13-21:13

    All right?

    21:14-21:16

    I know that's the sermon that always gets applied.

    21:16-21:20

    I know the nursery is going to be restocked in about nine months.

    21:21-21:21

    I know.

    21:24-21:25

    So married Christians.

    21:26-21:26

    All right.

    21:27-21:33

    This is where things get even more difficult.

    21:35-21:39

    This is addressed to those of you who are married to a non-Christian.

    21:39-21:44

    And I know there are some people in this church that are married to a non-Christian.

    21:46-21:49

    But this non-Christian wants to stay married.

    21:49-22:02

    Okay, you're like, "Yeah, my husband's not a believer, or my wife's not a believer, and Like, she's okay with me being a believer, and she's okay with me going to church, and she wants to stay married, so what do I do?

    22:02-22:03

    What do I do here?

    22:06-22:11

    God says, "Stay married." Stay married.

    22:14-22:21

    You know, back in, look at the, back in chapter 6 verse 15, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.

    22:21-22:32

    Paul says, talking about those who were being sexually immoral with the cult prostitutes, he says, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

    22:33-22:37

    Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

    22:38-23:01

    Never." You see, there would have been some that heard this principle like, "Okay, so me physically being with a prostitute is like defiling for me, so what about me physically being with a non-Christian spouse?

    23:02-23:13

    Well, me being intimate, I mean, isn't it the same principle that I am defiling my body because I'm in this mixed marriage?

    23:14-23:16

    We have different faiths?

    23:18-23:20

    That's the question on the table.

    23:23-23:32

    Regarding mixed marriages, meaning one's a believer and one's not, you're like, "What do you do?" Well, first of all, it's forbidden, single people.

    23:34-23:42

    Second Corinthians 6.14, if you're single, listen, if you're single, you are not to get married to a non-Christian.

    23:45-23:46

    Corinthians 6.14.

    23:48-23:50

    You are not to get married to a non-Christian if you're single.

    23:52-23:54

    If you can prevent this, you should prevent this.

    23:55-24:03

    That people think, "Well, I'm going to get married to the person and I'll save them, and I'm going to be such a good influence on them," and it usually works the other way.

    24:07-24:12

    So if you're single, you are not to marry a non-Christian.

    24:13-24:23

    So all right, now with that out of the way, the question is, "Well, what if we were married as non-Christians and I got saved and he didn't get saved?" Or vice versa, man.

    24:23-24:26

    You're like, "Well, I got saved and my wife didn't get saved.

    24:26-24:29

    What do we do?" Well, look at verse 12.

    24:29-24:54

    He says, "To the rest I say, 'I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her." By the way, when he says here, "I, not the Lord," you know what some people do with that, right?

    24:55-25:11

    They're like, "Oh, well, this is just Paul's opinion." So we can sort of disregard this section because Paul here, I mean, he's saying that this is just his opinion, and that's not what he's saying at all.

    25:13-25:29

    Back in verse 10, he was saying, "I'm quoting Jesus here." Now in verse 12, he's saying, "This is also from the Lord, but this isn't a direct quote from Jesus, do you see?" He's not saying this is uninspired.

    25:30-26:06

    He's just saying, "Before I was directly quoting from the ministry of Jesus, and now this is new revelation from God. That's all he's saying. So what if I'm married to a non-Christian and he wants to stay married? Paul says, "You don't get a divorce, you stay married. That's what you do." Like, really? Verse 13, "If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him." Oh yeah, that question, being with this non-Christian make me unholy?

    26:06-26:10

    Like isn't it the same principle as being with the prostitutes?

    26:11-26:13

    No, not at all.

    26:14-26:15

    Because look at verse 14.

    26:17-26:26

    For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.

    26:29-26:47

    You see, when one of you is saved and your spouse is not, it's not that the Christian is made unholy in the eyes of God, it's the unsaved person is made holy.

    26:52-26:53

    I want to be clear here.

    26:54-27:01

    That does not mean that the unbelieving spouse is saved because they're spouses.

    27:01-27:03

    That is not what that means.

    27:03-27:06

    The Bible is crystal clear on salvation.

    27:06-27:09

    Salvation is an individual transaction.

    27:10-27:14

    You can't get saved because of somebody else.

    27:14-27:18

    Biblically, you have to make the choice to turn from your sin.

    27:19-27:20

    You have to make the choice to repent.

    27:21-27:27

    You have to make the choice that you are going to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

    27:28-27:35

    It doesn't matter how good of a Christian your grandmama was, or your mama, or your spouse.

    27:35-27:36

    It doesn't matter.

    27:37-27:38

    You're not saved.

    27:38-27:40

    It's not like group raid here, all right?

    27:42-27:46

    You're saved by you making the choice.

    27:47-27:49

    You're like, all right, so what's he talking about here?

    27:50-27:57

    Well, it's a big fancy theological term that's known as matrimonial sanctification.

    27:58-28:01

    Impress your friends, drop that in conversation this week.

    28:02-28:03

    Do you have a water cooler at your workplace?

    28:03-28:04

    Drop that.

    28:05-28:08

    Yes, we were talking about matrimonial sanctification at church.

    28:10-28:12

    And they're like, "Oh, what is that?" And you'll tell them.

    28:13-28:18

    Well, in God's eyes, if one spouse is saved, there's blessing for everyone in the house.

    28:20-28:22

    I mean, think about it this way.

    28:25-28:26

    Think about it this way.

    28:26-28:36

    Imagine this married couple, you have this married couple, and the wife's parents die, and they leave her an inheritance.

    28:39-28:40

    They leave her a speedboat.

    28:42-28:44

    Now husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    28:48-28:48

    No?

    28:49-28:50

    All right, let me try something else.

    28:52-28:55

    Her parents left her a Harley Davidson.

    28:56-28:58

    Husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    29:00-29:02

    Yeah, some of you.

    29:02-29:03

    All right, let me try this again.

    29:06-29:08

    Her parents left her a monster truck.

    29:08-29:11

    Husbands, are you going to benefit from this inheritance?

    29:12-29:15

    Okay, this is really going to help for the second service.

    29:15-29:17

    Do you see the point?

    29:17-29:18

    You got the inheritance.

    29:19-29:26

    You know, you're driving grave digger down the road, but you had nothing to do with that, right?

    29:27-29:31

    You were blessed just because your wife received an inheritance.

    29:31-29:33

    It's the same principle at play here.

    29:34-29:35

    You're blessed by association.

    29:37-29:43

    In the same way, in marriage, two become one, and when God blesses one, the other gets blessed.

    29:43-29:48

    I mean, it's not salvation, but it's better than two pagans being married to each other.

    29:49-29:49

    Right?

    29:49-30:05

    Think of the blessing that comes to the non-Christian spouse when the Christian spouse is exhibiting the fruit of the Holy Spirit, when the Christian spouse is showing humility and love and service and selflessness.

    30:05-30:09

    And how could you not be blessed being in a house like that?

    30:13-30:14

    That's what he's talking about.

    30:16-30:23

    Oh, and regarding the salvation piece, look, nobody can deny the influence the believing spouse has.

    30:23-30:32

    I've heard the story so many times of people getting saved because of the witness that their Christian spouse has had.

    30:34-30:39

    So if you're in this situation, if your spouse is unsaved, God wants to reach them through you.

    30:41-30:43

    So let him see Christ in you.

    30:45-30:48

    And you're like, "Well, that's well and good, but what if we have kids, right?

    30:48-30:53

    I mean, I'm saved, he's not.

    30:53-30:59

    Does that make our kids like half pagan?" No, no, it really doesn't.

    30:59-31:01

    Look at the rest of verse 14.

    31:02-31:16

    Paul says, "Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." See, even if you have kids with a non-Christian, your kids are also made holy through that.

    31:16-31:16

    Same principle.

    31:17-31:23

    Your kids are also blessed through that because God sees your marriage as holy, so He's going to see your kids as holy.

    31:24-31:30

    So if you're married to a non-Christian who wants to stay married, God's going to bless the family.

    31:31-31:34

    Stay married if they want to stay.

    31:36-31:38

    All right, one more.

    31:39-31:42

    One more group we didn't cover, and that's the last one here.

    31:43-31:48

    Let's say someone is married to a non-Christian, and that non-Christian is like, "I want out.

    31:49-31:55

    Like look, I didn't sign up for all this Jesus stuff, all this Bible study stuff.

    31:55-31:57

    I didn't sign up for all this church stuff.

    31:58-31:58

    I'm not interested.

    31:59-32:00

    I'm not a religious person.

    32:01-32:05

    I want out." So what do you do when you're married to a non-Christian who wants to leave?

    32:05-32:07

    The answer is, let them go.

    32:09-32:10

    Let them go.

    32:14-32:15

    Look at verse 15.

    32:15-32:33

    He says, "But if the unbelieving partner separates," that's divorce, look what he says, "let it be so." If the non-Christian spouse initiates a divorce, Paul says they can go.

    32:37-32:38

    And I know the reaction.

    32:38-32:39

    You're like, "Wait, wait.

    32:39-32:40

    Well, that means I'm stuck.

    32:41-32:49

    You know, I wanted to save this marriage, and they divorced me, and now I can never get remarried again because they left me.

    32:49-32:53

    So I'm stuck, right?" Paul doesn't say that.

    32:56-32:57

    Paul doesn't say that.

    32:57-33:04

    Paul was clear on situations where you had to be remaining unmarried.

    33:04-33:05

    We saw that in verse 11.

    33:06-33:11

    He was clear in those situations, and he could have said that here, but he didn't.

    33:13-33:14

    You can remarry.

    33:14-33:22

    If you are married to a non-Christian that abandons you, initiates a divorce, and leaves you, you can remarry.

    33:23-33:24

    Look at the rest of verse 15.

    33:25-33:30

    He says, "In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved." God has called you to peace.

    33:31-33:32

    Not enslaved.

    33:33-33:34

    Like, not enslaved to what?

    33:35-33:37

    He's talking about free from being bound to the marriage.

    33:38-33:39

    That's what he's talking about.

    33:41-33:53

    See Romans 7, 2 says, "For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives." That's what he's talking about here in 1 Corinthians 7.

    33:53-33:55

    That's the bound to the marriage.

    33:55-33:57

    He goes, "You're not enslaved.

    33:57-33:58

    You're not bound anymore.

    34:01-34:19

    You're no longer bound to the marriage." Now look, I know some sermons are easier to preach than others, and divorce is a very touchy subjects.

    34:26-34:27

    It's always painful.

    34:28-34:29

    It always brings regret and hurt.

    34:30-34:30

    I know that.

    34:33-34:40

    So I want to take a moment and I want to be clear on my best understanding on the subject biblically.

    34:42-34:43

    All right?

    34:44-34:46

    I don't want there to be any ambiguity.

    34:47-34:48

    I want to be clear.

    34:48-35:00

    I believe that there is only one cause for divorce biblically, and that is hardness of heart.

    35:04-35:05

    Like, why do I think that?

    35:05-35:08

    Well, Jesus was asked about divorce in Matthew 19, eight.

    35:09-35:09

    This is what he said.

    35:10-35:24

    He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce." Jesus said divorce was allowed through Moses, through the law, because of hardness of heart.

    35:25-35:27

    Again divorce is allowed, not commanded.

    35:30-35:30

    Right?

    35:31-35:32

    Allowed not commanded.

    35:34-35:38

    But the question is, how do you know when someone is hard hearted?

    35:40-35:43

    Towards their spouse or towards their marriage, right?

    35:45-35:46

    Kind of a hard thing to gauge, isn't it?

    35:47-35:52

    Well Jesus said, "I can divorce you if you're hard-hearted." Well you seem hard-hearted to me, I'm getting divorced.

    35:52-35:53

    How do you know?

    35:54-36:07

    Well biblically there are two ways that hard-heartedness manifests, and both begin with the letter A. It's affair and abandonment.

    36:11-36:12

    Jesus spoke on a fair.

    36:13-36:30

    Matthew 19, 9, Jesus says, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery." Now again, divorce is allowed, but not commanded.

    36:30-36:39

    Understand this, when this happens in a marriage, that doesn't mean you are required to get a divorce.

    36:39-36:43

    I can tell you so many stories of marriages where this did happen.

    36:43-36:51

    And there was much repentance and seeking the Lord, and marriages are on track better than they were on their honeymoon.

    36:55-37:05

    But when someone is committed to having relations with people outside the marriage, Jesus says that's evidence of hard-heartedness.

    37:06-37:08

    Moses allowed for divorce for that.

    37:08-37:17

    Here, Paul is addressing the other manifestation of hard-heartedness, and that's abandonment.

    37:18-37:22

    That if your non-Christian spouse divorces you, abandons you, you are free.

    37:24-37:27

    That's how you know your spouse is hard-hearted.

    37:29-37:35

    When they are willing to engage in relations with someone else, they're hard-hearted towards you.

    37:35-37:41

    Or when they're like, "I'm fine to just walk away from this marriage.

    37:41-37:43

    I'm fine to walk away from our vows.

    37:43-37:50

    I'm fine to walk away from that." Those are evidences of hard-heartedness.

    37:54-37:57

    And Jesus says abandonment is like adultery.

    37:57-37:59

    I'm sorry, Paul says abandonment here is like adultery.

    38:00-38:01

    You are called to peace.

    38:05-38:10

    You are not called to fighting a non-Christian to stay in a marriage that they are committed to getting out of.

    38:12-38:13

    One more verse.

    38:15-38:20

    Paul says, "For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?

    38:21-38:31

    Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" You know, people are really divided on what this verse means.

    38:35-38:41

    Some people think this verse means, "Well, you don't know if you're going to save your spouse, so let them go.

    38:41-38:43

    I mean, you have no guarantees, just let them go.

    38:44-38:56

    There's no promises are going to come to Christ, if they say let them go." That's what some people think, but other people think this means, "No, no, no, you might be the one that God uses to save them, so you should try to save your marriage at any cost.

    38:59-39:00

    I lean towards the latter.

    39:04-39:05

    There's no guarantees either way.

    39:05-39:06

    You don't know.

    39:08-39:10

    You don't know what God's doing.

    39:13-39:18

    So you better be sure that you did all you could to save the marriage.

    39:20-39:23

    I personally believe that this verse pumps the brakes.

    39:26-39:38

    This verse, as one person I read this past week said, this verse tempers any tendency that just easily give up on the marriage.

    39:41-39:45

    Because some people are just so quick to run to divorce as like option one.

    39:47-39:56

    Again, if things are hard now, how do you know that God isn't using you to reach your spouse?

    39:58-40:00

    Our worship team would make their way back up front.

    40:07-40:16

    Paul continues, and I think he's doubling down on some of these things because some of it's hard to accept and some of it's hard to hear.

    40:17-40:20

    But again, Paul reminds us that singleness is God's gift for some.

    40:23-40:25

    Marriage is God's gift for the rest.

    40:28-40:30

    One of these four sermons applies to you.

    40:32-40:37

    So whichever it is, go after it with the reverence and with the sacredness that God has called you to.

    40:38-40:39

    Let's pray.

    40:41-40:52

    Father in heaven, we're asking today, Father, that your Holy Spirit be at work in our hearts.

    40:54-41:03

    When we talk about singleness and divorce and all these things, it's such an emotional subject because there are people here that have been deeply wounded by these things.

    41:06-41:12

    And we by no means, Father, wanna kick someone when they're down or rub salt on the wound.

    41:12-41:15

    We just, we wanna take an honest look at what your word has to say.

    41:17-41:19

    Father, we thank you for your grace.

    41:19-41:21

    We thank you that you are the God of miracles.

    41:21-41:35

    We thank you, God, that no matter how badly things might have gotten in marriage, whether it was able to be saved or not, God, there's always hope with you.

    41:35-41:37

    There's always healing with you.

    41:39-41:40

    That's why we come to you.

    41:40-41:51

    Father, I pray for all of us that we would take a hard look at the place you have us right now, because there's something in here for each one of us.

    41:55-41:59

    And that we would go after it, trusting you to always do what you promised.

    42:00-42:02

    We pray in Jesus' name, amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 7:8-16

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Explain 1 Cor 7:14. How is the nonChristian spouse made holy because of a Christian spouse? What does that mean?

  3. If you are married to a nonChristian who wants out of the marriage (1 Cor 7:15), how do you know when to grant their divorce (when to stop trying to save the marriage, asking for counseling, etc)?

  4. Why should you allow a nonChristian to divorce and leave a Christian (v15)? Is the believing spouse free to remarry? Why or why not?

Breakout

Pray for one another.

What About Sex and Marriage?

Introduction:

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Enjoying Your Gift from God. (1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

  1. Married? Enjoy God's Gift for MARRIAGE. (1 Cor 7:3-5)

    3 Laws of Marital Intimacy:

    1. The Law of DEBT. (1 Cor 7:3)

    2. The Law of OWNERSHIP. (1 Cor 7:4)

    3. The Law of HIATUS. (1 Cor 7:5)

  2. Single? Enjoy God's Gift of SINGLENESS. (1 Cor 7:6-7)

    Matthew 19:10-12 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:36-00:41

    Open up those Bibles to 1 Corinthians 7.

    00:43-00:51

    And as we said last week, it's going to continue for the next few weeks because we go where the text goes.

    00:54-01:00

    And today we're going to be talking about the relationship between a man and his wife.

    01:03-01:44

    discretion advised. We are going to be direct, but you know some pastors want to be like edgy by kind of pushing the envelope there and that's I don't think that's cool, but I do think we need to teach the Bible straightforwardly. So we are going to be direct but not explicit, okay? So whether you're sitting here or streaming this from home, parents you decide. If you saw last week's message that would be a good gauge as to whether or not your kids should hear this one.

    01:44-02:01

    But again I'll remind you that somebody's talking to your kids about this. I think you should really consider you know whether it's time for them to hear this from God, what He says about these matters.

    02:02-02:17

    Alright, so with that said, let's just bow our heads. I'm going to ask that you would please take a moment and pray for me to be faithful to clearly communicate what God said and I will pray for you to receive what it is that this passage teaches today. Let's pray.

    02:23-02:28

    Father in heaven, we are once again turning to Your Word for wisdom.

    02:33-02:38

    And we're dealing with what is going to be for many here a sensitive subject.

    02:38-03:05

    And I pray, Father, against distractions, and I also pray that our hearts and minds are open to what You actually say in Your Word. Not our opinion or not what we think your word might say about these matters, but to examine what it is that you have said, and that we would be faithful to apply.

    03:08-03:53

    Come meet us now, Lord, through the proclamation of your word, we pray in Jesus' name, and all of God's people said, "Amen." Amen. Many years ago, I was leading Bible study the prison, and one man raised his hand. He said, "I have a question. I have a question about what happens when we die." Well, I was ready for this. You should have heard. You should have heard the sermon. It's probably the best sermon I ever gave. It was just both barrels, and I explained to him, "Okay, first of all, let me explain how death came into the world. We went through Genesis chapter 3. Death We need Jesus Christ.

    03:54-03:56

    Jesus died on the cross to take our sin away.

    03:56-03:59

    He rose from the dead to give us eternal life.

    03:59-04:00

    We all need the gospel.

    04:00-04:05

    And if you've received Christ, when you die, the Bible says you are in the presence of the Lord.

    04:05-04:10

    Okay, and someday he is going to come and he's going to take his people to be with him.

    04:10-04:12

    John chapter 14, we talked about the rapture.

    04:13-04:17

    But if you have not received Christ, I talked about the tribulation that's coming after the rapture.

    04:18-04:21

    There's seven years of just hell on earth.

    04:21-04:26

    and then Christ returns, and I talked about all the millennial kingdom, right?

    04:26-04:41

    And then after the kingdom, there's the great white throne judgment, and at that point, you know, if you die and you're not in Christ, you do go to a place of suffering, Luke 16, but then you're thrown into the lake of fire at the great white throne judgment, and you should have heard it.

    04:41-04:44

    It was comprehensive.

    04:47-04:49

    So I got done, it was about 20 minutes.

    04:50-04:57

    I got done and I said, "So, does that answer your question?" He stared at me blankly.

    04:59-05:01

    And he goes, "No."

    05:02-05:03

    (congregation laughing)

    05:04-05:25

    I said, "Why not?" He goes, "I just wanted to know "if we become angels when we die." And I said, "No." He goes, "Okay, thanks." And I learned that day to answer the question that's being asked.

    05:27-05:30

    Well, the Corinthians, they had a lot of questions.

    05:31-05:35

    They had a lot of questions about marriage, about idols, about women in church, about the Lord's Supper.

    05:36-05:38

    Look at chapter 7 verse 1.

    05:39-05:45

    Paul says, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote," stop there, we're entering a new section, okay?

    05:45-05:49

    He talked about the church unified, chapters 1-4.

    05:50-05:55

    He talked about the church purified, chapters 5-6.

    05:56-05:58

    And now you can see there's a shift.

    05:59-06:06

    He says, "You sent me questions and I'm going to give you answers now to the questions that you sent me." Do you see that?

    06:07-06:09

    And first up, marriage.

    06:12-06:13

    You're going to be shocked.

    06:13-06:14

    I'm glad you're sitting down.

    06:15-06:17

    But the Corinthians had a lot of problems when it came to marriage.

    06:20-06:28

    But you know, the problems that we bring into marriage are our own doing, because the Bible was clear on marriage.

    06:30-06:34

    Genesis 2.24, this is the most important verse in the Bible about marriage.

    06:34-06:38

    I know this because when asked, this is the verse that Jesus quoted.

    06:39-06:42

    When writing about marriage, this was the verse that Paul kept quoting.

    06:42-06:55

    The most important verse in the Bible about marriage says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." It's clear.

    06:55-07:00

    You leave, you join to your wife, and then the two become one.

    07:02-07:10

    Jesus was asked about marriage, divorce, all these matters, Matthew 19, we're going to talk about this later, but Jesus made, it was very clear.

    07:11-07:15

    Jesus said marriage is between a man and a woman.

    07:15-07:19

    Jesus said in a marriage, it's two people that are brought together by God.

    07:19-07:24

    Jesus said it's two becoming one, and He said it's meant to be unbroken.

    07:24-07:25

    That's God's design.

    07:28-07:32

    Bible's clear about marriage.

    07:32-07:38

    But in Paul's day, the Corinthian culture, there were basically four different ways to get married.

    07:38-07:51

    I'm just gonna, I don't usually like to preach my homework, But this might be helpful to give us some context as we go through this section, because there are a lot of ways that people got married in that day, all right?

    07:52-07:54

    So one way was for slaves.

    07:54-07:56

    Slaves weren't considered people, they were considered property.

    07:57-08:02

    So for slaves, the owner had the right to just pronounce them married.

    08:02-08:08

    If there were two slaves that wanted to get married, it's like, okay, you two are married, so you go stay over there or whatever.

    08:09-08:09

    And that was it.

    08:11-08:14

    There was also, in that day, common law marriage.

    08:14-08:20

    People that were living together unmarried for a year were considered married at that point.

    08:21-08:23

    A third way is a father selling his daughter.

    08:26-08:30

    And then the fourth way was the sort of the official Roman way.

    08:32-08:37

    Interestingly, it's through the Roman customs where we get our customs for marriage.

    08:37-08:38

    Did you know that?

    08:39-08:44

    from veil to flowers to vows to ring to cake, all came from the Roman culture.

    08:47-08:49

    So here's the point of all that.

    08:50-08:57

    In this section, Paul is teaching the sacredness of marriage no matter how you got there.

    08:57-09:07

    Okay, because there's going to be a lot of people that could raise objections, "But I was married this way, but I..." Paul's like, "However you got there, we're dealing with from here forward.

    09:08-09:10

    Let's talk about the sacredness of marriage.

    09:12-09:14

    They were a culture that had a high divorce rate.

    09:16-09:28

    They were a culture that had homosexuality, a culture of affairs, a culture of, believe it or not, feminists, and a culture of - we talked about this recently - prostitution.

    09:30-09:32

    So it's a culture a lot like ours.

    09:32-10:03

    There's nothing really new here as far as the kind of sin that they had to deal with with the same stuff. So the question is, "Well, what about sex and marriage?" Well, again, you're going to be shocked, and I'm glad you're sitting down, but the Corinthians had something else that they were divisive over, and that is this. Should you get married, or should you be single?

    10:06-10:08

    Which is the godly path?

    10:09-10:10

    That's the issue on the table here.

    10:11-10:13

    Which is the godly path, married or single?

    10:14-10:20

    Because some people said that righteousness is everybody must get married.

    10:21-10:22

    That was the Jewish mindset, by the way.

    10:23-10:24

    Everybody must get married.

    10:24-10:27

    You're not really fully righteous unless you're married.

    10:27-10:30

    In fact, you couldn't be a member of the Sanhedrin unless you were married.

    10:31-10:38

    So the Jews especially said, "Look, what's right is everybody has to get married." But then there's the other camp.

    10:40-10:42

    And the other camp said, "No, no, no, no.

    10:42-10:43

    No one should get married.

    10:43-10:45

    I mean, have you been paying attention?

    10:46-10:48

    Sexual sin is completely out of control.

    10:49-10:50

    Marriage is hard.

    10:50-10:57

    So being single and never touching a woman, that's the godly way.

    10:57-11:00

    In fact, you want to be godly.

    11:00-11:03

    If you're married and you want this godly path, you're just going to have to get out of your marriage.

    11:04-11:05

    Both of you be single.

    11:06-11:07

    That is more spiritual.

    11:08-11:09

    That is more devoted to God.

    11:09-11:13

    If you're single, you are more devoted to God.

    11:13-11:17

    And you know, there's people today that still hold that mindset, like in the Catholic church.

    11:17-11:18

    All right?

    11:18-11:19

    Priests don't get married.

    11:19-11:20

    Nuns don't get married.

    11:20-11:20

    Why?

    11:20-11:24

    Because you're devoted to God, and you can't really be devoted to God if you're married.

    11:27-11:30

    Well, what does the Bible say about that?

    11:31-11:35

    Well, let's see how Paul answers this under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

    11:35-11:36

    Look at verse 1 again.

    11:36-11:48

    "Now, concerning the matters about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." Okay, stop there.

    11:48-11:50

    He goes, okay, first of all, it's good.

    11:51-11:53

    He didn't say it's the only good.

    11:54-11:54

    Okay?

    11:55-11:59

    Paul's not saying singleness is better than marriage.

    11:59-12:01

    He's not saying it's worse than marriage.

    12:01-12:09

    All he's saying in verse 1 is, "It's not wrong to be single." It is a fine option if you're single.

    12:11-12:12

    But there's another option.

    12:13-12:13

    Look at verse 2.

    12:14-12:36

    He says, "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." So Paul says, "The other option, which is marriage, is good too." I mean we saw this, right?

    12:36-12:42

    Chapters 5 and 6, there was so much sexual immorality in the church.

    12:42-12:44

    They tolerated sexual sin.

    12:44-12:46

    They excused sexual sin.

    12:46-12:48

    There was no sacredness for marriage.

    12:48-12:49

    Huge problem.

    12:49-12:56

    So you see, in Corinth and here, it is hard to be pure because of temptation.

    12:57-12:58

    That's what Paul is teaching here.

    12:59-13:04

    Because there are so many ways to sin sexually.

    13:08-13:14

    So Paul here says, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, get a spouse.

    13:16-13:28

    Notice he says, "Get your own spouse." design. It's one man for one woman and that one woman for that one man. That is how God designed it. Get your own.

    13:30-14:11

    So Paul is saying physical desires are natural and should be enjoyed the way God designed them to be enjoyed. All right? So we're gonna play a quick game here. We're gonna play a game called "Which is Good?" I'm gonna give you a list of two options and you're gonna shout out which is good. You ready for this? You ready? Come on, don't lay an egg here. I need you. I need you. I'll start over. I mean I'll start way over at the beginning. We'll bring the worship team up. We'll start the whole thing over. All right, so you You ready to shout it out?

    14:11-14:13

    Which is good, country music or rock music?

    14:13-14:14

    Rock.

    14:16-14:18

    The answer is both.

    14:20-14:21

    All right, which is good?

    14:22-14:22

    You ready?

    14:22-14:23

    Try again.

    14:23-14:24

    I'm gonna give you another chance.

    14:25-14:26

    Which is good, pancakes or waffles?

    14:27-14:28

    Both.

    14:28-14:31

    Both are good, okay?

    14:32-14:35

    All right, I think some of you are getting the hang of it.

    14:35-14:36

    Let's try one more.

    14:37-14:39

    Which is good, baseball or football?

    14:41-14:42

    (congregation exclaims)

    14:49-14:50

    I'm sorry, the answer is both.

    14:52-14:53

    All right, one more, you ready?

    14:55-14:57

    Which is good, being single or being married?

    14:58-14:58

    Both.

    14:59-14:59

    Both.

    15:02-15:02

    Both.

    15:04-15:05

    The answer's both.

    15:08-15:12

    Paul says here - look, if you don't get that, you're going to miss the whole sermon, so you've got to get this.

    15:12-15:17

    Paul says here in this passage, look, what you have, church, you have two good options.

    15:19-15:22

    Okay? You have two good gifts from God.

    15:22-15:24

    You can't have them both at the same time, by the way.

    15:24-15:26

    I think I don't have to explain that.

    15:27-15:29

    But you have two good options, two good gifts of God.

    15:30-15:31

    Single is good.

    15:32-15:34

    And married is good.

    15:35-15:37

    That's Paul's point here in these first two verses.

    15:37-16:13

    expounds on each. So on your outline, draw some things down here. Enjoying your gift from God. Number one, married. Are you married? Are you married? Well, enjoy God's gift for marriage. Okay, now Paul here starts with marriage because it's the norm. Most people are married. Again, one's not better or worse. Most people are married, so that's where he And again in Corinth, many thought you had greater devotion to God if you avoided physical relations.

    16:14-16:14

    But there's a problem.

    16:15-16:22

    There are some people that thought you have greater devotion to God by avoiding physical relations even if you're married.

    16:25-16:37

    And all the men said, "What?" And it's good to not touch a woman even if you're married, and especially if she's not a believer, or vice versa.

    16:37-16:47

    If your husband's not a believer, they believe that, look, if you're married to a non-believer, you definitely should not be engaging in any kind of relationship that way.

    16:48-16:50

    That was what the people thought.

    16:51-16:53

    So here in these verses, Paul's saying, look, are you married?

    16:53-16:58

    Then you should enjoy regular times of intimacy.

    17:01-17:04

    You should enjoy regular times of intimacy.

    17:05-17:20

    And you're like, "Oh, isn't that obvious?" And the answer is it must not be because God spent some time here in His Word explaining some things.

    17:21-17:22

    So I don't think it is so obvious.

    17:24-17:35

    So what we have here are three laws, three principles for married couples regarding God's design for healthy marital relations, okay?

    17:37-17:42

    So we're just gonna break these down by calling them the three laws of marital intimacy.

    17:43-17:45

    The three laws of marital intimacy.

    17:48-17:51

    First of all, letter A, let's talk about the law of debt.

    17:52-18:00

    If you're married, if you're married, You should be enjoying your spouse physically.

    18:01-18:03

    And here's the three guidelines, three laws for that.

    18:03-18:05

    The first one, the law of debt.

    18:05-18:06

    Look at verse three.

    18:07-18:22

    He says, "The husband should give to his wife "her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband." Stop there, that's the law of debt.

    18:22-18:23

    You're like, why do you say debt?

    18:23-18:26

    Because do you know in the Greek, it's literally the debt.

    18:26-18:30

    literally in the Greek, it says the husband should give the wife the debt.

    18:31-18:34

    And the wife should give her husband the debt.

    18:34-18:36

    That's what it says.

    18:37-18:47

    Also in the Greek, it's a continuous verb, meaning, Paul's saying husbands and wives, you should continuously be paying a debt to one another physically.

    18:50-18:57

    Now listen, the physical part of your marriage is not the most important part of your marriage.

    19:00-19:06

    But, it is a very important part of your marriage.

    19:08-19:09

    Okay, I'm gonna say that again.

    19:09-19:13

    I don't know if I've ever been so careful about the way I worded things in a sermon.

    19:15-19:20

    Because I don't want anybody to misunderstand, and I know there's a lot of things that can be easily misunderstood here, so I'm gonna say that again.

    19:21-19:27

    The physical part of your marriage is not the most important thing, but it is a very important thing.

    19:28-19:42

    And Paul here says, "You owe it to your spouse to allow your spouse to enjoy this." Listen, this is a very sensitive subject.

    19:42-19:43

    I know that.

    19:43-19:46

    Because there are people that have endured abuse.

    19:47-19:50

    There are people who are emotionally scarred.

    19:50-19:52

    There are people that have health issues.

    19:52-20:01

    And these things make regular, normal relations more difficult.

    20:06-20:08

    It might require extra work.

    20:08-20:12

    It might require coming to see one of our pastors for counseling.

    20:12-20:14

    We can help you with that.

    20:14-20:17

    If this is an issue in your marriage, we can help you.

    20:22-20:24

    But the principle here is very clear.

    20:26-20:29

    If you're married, you are expected to go after this.

    20:32-20:39

    God's design is that husbands and wives enjoy meeting each other's needs.

    20:44-20:59

    There's a book in the Bible all about that, by the way, right? Song of Solomon. That's what And I know there's some scholars that are like, "The Song of Solomon, you know what the Song of Solomon is about, Pastor Taylor?

    20:59-21:00

    You know what it's about.

    21:00-21:08

    The Song of Solomon is about the love relationship between Jesus and the church." Spoken like someone who never read the Song of Solomon.

    21:09-21:10

    It's not about that.

    21:12-22:19

    It is about a couple enjoying the physical aspect of their relationship, their love for another and all its expressions of that love, that's what it's about. God wants you to enjoy each other. I've heard stories of couples that only come together for a physical relationship when it's time to procreate, almost like it's some business exchange. And look, if that happens. If that happens, awesome, awesome. We'll always make room in the nursery. But to reduce the purpose of that just for procreation is still missing the point. The purpose of sex in marriage is intimacy. That's the purpose. It's not just a physical act. It's an act that strengthens love and is an act that sustains love.

    22:21-22:30

    But I know, listen, somebody can read this verse, "The husband should give to his wife the debt." Likewise, the wife give to her husband the debt.

    22:30-22:34

    Somebody can look at this verse and say, "That sounds so violating.

    22:36-22:38

    You mean to tell me…." Is that what you're saying?

    22:39-22:47

    I can't… What a patriarchal, male chauvinist church this is, that you're telling me that I can be forced to pay the debt.

    22:48-22:48

    Right?

    22:48-22:49

    Is that what you're saying?

    22:50-22:51

    Not even close.

    22:53-22:58

    And I would say that if that's your takeaway, then all due respect, you are completely reading the verse wrong.

    23:02-23:02

    Listen closely.

    23:03-23:10

    He's not saying that we go into our marriage relationship saying, "You owe me!" No, no, no, no.

    23:12-23:13

    Not lording it over.

    23:14-23:20

    It's not "You owe me!" It's the mindset of "I owe you." It's submission.

    23:23-23:26

    Notice he says to give the debt.

    23:26-23:27

    He doesn't say take the debt.

    23:27-23:28

    Do you notice that?

    23:29-23:32

    He doesn't say, "Husbands, go take what she owes you.

    23:32-23:35

    Wives, go take what he owes you." He doesn't say that.

    23:36-23:43

    He says in mutual submission, you have to give what you owe your spouse.

    23:45-23:46

    That's what he says.

    23:47-23:52

    A healthy marriage always focuses on the other person's needs.

    23:55-23:59

    And that applies also specifically here to intimacy.

    24:01-24:02

    That's what we're saying.

    24:05-24:09

    Give your wife, give to her what you owe her.

    24:10-24:12

    Wives, give to husbands what you owe him.

    24:12-24:13

    It's mutual submission.

    24:16-24:16

    All right?

    24:16-24:17

    So that's the law of debt.

    24:18-24:20

    Secondly, we have letter B, the law of ownership.

    24:22-24:23

    Law of ownership, look at verse 4.

    24:24-24:32

    And he goes on, "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

    24:32-24:40

    Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Stop there.

    24:40-24:43

    Again, please do not read it wrongly.

    24:43-24:48

    Don't go through this and totally miss what he's saying because it would be easy to do.

    24:48-24:52

    This is not a pass for abuse.

    24:54-25:05

    This is, listen, this verse is not allowing for any kind of situation where someone is being forced into something in any way.

    25:06-25:08

    It is not saying that whatsoever.

    25:08-25:19

    You're like, "Well, what is it saying then?" In marriage, listen, when you make the decision to marry someone, you have released the authority of your body to your spouse.

    25:20-25:22

    And again, in the Greek, that's continual.

    25:23-25:26

    What you have in marriage is an exclusive claim.

    25:27-25:34

    It's saying no one else owns my body the way that my spouse does, and that includes me.

    25:36-25:37

    That's what he's saying.

    25:38-25:43

    He's speaking again of a mutual love and selflessness.

    25:44-25:45

    That's what he's talking about.

    25:47-25:55

    He's talking about a mentality of a husband going before his wife and saying, "Hey, hey, this is all yours.

    25:57-26:04

    This is all yours." And then the wife in turn turns to her husband and says, "Yeah, and you know what, baby?

    26:05-26:06

    This is all yours.

    26:11-26:14

    So have fun." That's what he's saying.

    26:18-26:20

    There's the law of death, there's the law of ownership.

    26:21-26:23

    Letter C, there's the law of hiatus.

    26:24-26:25

    The law of hiatus.

    26:26-26:27

    Look at verse 5.

    26:30-26:55

    He says, "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." The law of hiatus.

    26:57-26:59

    Again, he goes, "Stop depriving.

    26:59-27:07

    Stop depriving." Again, the Corinthian culture, "Oh, it's holy to deprive my spouse." No, he goes, "It's not holy.

    27:08-27:08

    It's just not.

    27:09-27:14

    Do not deprive each other, husbands and wives, do not deprive each other.

    27:15-27:16

    He says there is an exception.

    27:18-27:19

    There are rules for hiatus.

    27:22-27:23

    There are rules for hiatus, right?

    27:24-27:28

    First part of the rule, number one, is agree, right?

    27:29-27:30

    Agree.

    27:32-27:33

    That means consent.

    27:33-27:38

    That means it's not just one person making the decision.

    27:41-27:43

    It's not the wife saying, "You know what, honey?

    27:43-27:50

    I've really been thinking about this, and I decided we're taking a hiatus." And the husband's like, "Wait, what?

    27:51-27:52

    That's not how it works.

    27:52-28:00

    There has to be an agreement on that, all right?" And also number two, it says for a limited time.

    28:02-28:29

    a limited time. It's temporary. Again, that time should be agreed upon. You're like, "All right, well, why are we taking a break?" Well, he says very specifically, "If you two decide to take a break for a time from having normal relations, it should be for prayer." And he's not talking about prayer in general. I think he's talking about praying for something specific.

    28:31-28:43

    Maybe there's something in your life that is so burdening, so distracting, that you probably can't even enjoy intimacy in that season.

    28:43-28:45

    Do you know what I'm talking about?

    28:46-28:58

    Maybe you have a child that is really sick and in the hospital and like, "I can't." Obviously neither of us are in the mood for this right now.

    28:58-28:58

    We need to pray.

    29:01-29:33

    there's the looming threat of a job loss and the stress that comes with, you know, what am I going to do to provide for my family? And you know what, sweetheart, I think we should take a break from this for a season and focus on praying for God's provision in this way. But you agree upon it and you set the boundary of time, but when you're like, man, I just can't get into it as I should, then you take a hiatus, you agree to pray.

    29:33-29:53

    But Paul says, "Then, then you have to come together again," he says, "so that you don't get tempted." But the first part of that verse says, "Do not deprive each other.

    29:55-29:57

    Stop depriving each other.

    30:03-30:08

    Husbands and wives, you cannot use sex to manipulate.

    30:11-30:19

    Or more accurately, you can't withhold sex to coerce or punish the other person.

    30:21-30:35

    Listen, when you do that, when you use that as coercion or punishment, what you're doing ultimately is only hurting your marriage.

    30:36-30:37

    That's what you're doing.

    30:39-30:42

    Notice he says, "Come together again." Why?

    30:42-30:43

    Why should we come together again?

    30:44-31:12

    may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. In other words, closing the kitchen makes you a partner of Satan. All right? Because the urge is still there, and now all of a sudden the person who is supposed to satisfy me absolutely refuses to do that.

    31:13-31:15

    And then what happens?

    31:21-31:23

    Bitterness is resentment.

    31:25-31:27

    Then the evil thoughts start to creep in, right?

    31:29-31:32

    I'm so sick of not having my needs met.

    31:32-31:35

    I'm so sick of the bedroom being so cold.

    31:37-31:39

    And eventually that leads to adultery.

    31:42-31:55

    to physical, you find somebody that's scratching the itch that you have, whether it is that emotional itch for affection, whether it's a physical itch.

    31:58-32:20

    And then it's justified because, and I've heard it hundreds of times over my ministry, justified because I'm in a loveless marriage." You know, marriages struggle and ultimately individuals walks with Christ struggle because they're so frustrated physically.

    32:21-32:29

    It's like I have this appetite and it's just not being met and nothing good comes from that married people.

    32:30-32:30

    Alright?

    32:33-32:35

    So this is from the Lord.

    32:37-32:39

    Enjoy each other as much as possible.

    32:40-32:40

    Okay?

    32:42-32:43

    It's fun.

    32:43-32:50

    It's God's idea and in this passage he reminds us it is the best help in avoiding temptation.

    32:55-32:56

    It's the best help in avoiding temptation.

    32:57-32:58

    Think about it this way.

    32:58-33:00

    Just imagine this scenario.

    33:01-33:02

    Imagine this scenario.

    33:02-33:09

    Husband wakes up and he comes downstairs and he sees that his wife is baking chocolate chip cookies.

    33:11-33:13

    Seven in the morning she's baking chocolate chip cookies.

    33:15-33:16

    What a great wife, right?

    33:17-33:18

    Oh, it gets better.

    33:18-33:47

    He's baking chocolate chip cookies and he sees on the counter, she's obviously been at it for a while because there's a plate and there's a stack of them. And his wife says, "Honey, have all the cookies that you want." And like the dutiful husband that he is, he sits down and he has one, three, six, ten of them! And you know how you feel after eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies, right?

    33:49-33:50

    Just me?

    33:52-33:52

    (audience laughing)

    33:54-33:57

    You know how you feel after you eat a dozen chocolate chip cookies, right?

    33:59-33:59

    Thank you.

    34:00-34:01

    Thank you.

    34:02-34:09

    Your wife says, "Sweetheart, before you go to work, "I want you to have as many of these cookies as you want, "and I wanna tell you something else, honey.

    34:10-34:17

    "When you come home, there's gonna be more." So, you indulge.

    34:20-34:22

    Let me ask you something, when you get to work, are you hungry for cookies?

    34:25-34:25

    No.

    34:26-34:27

    Thank you.

    34:28-34:29

    Thank you.

    34:30-34:33

    One of you is on board now, the rest of you will catch up.

    34:34-34:35

    No.

    34:35-34:39

    You get to work, you're not hungry for cookies.

    34:40-34:46

    So what happens when the co-worker comes over to you and says, "Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

    34:47-34:48

    Would you like a cookie?

    34:50-34:56

    What do you say?" You're like, "I am full.

    34:58-35:03

    You wouldn't believe how many cookies I ate before work today." Well, you probably wouldn't say that.

    35:08-35:09

    We need to cut that one.

    35:10-35:11

    (audience laughing)

    35:15-35:19

    You would say, too much Taylor?

    35:19-35:20

    Too, oh, okay.

    35:20-35:27

    You would say, if she says blink, blink, blink, would you like a cookie?

    35:27-35:29

    You would say, no, thank you.

    35:31-35:31

    I'm full.

    35:34-35:35

    I have all the cookies that I wanted.

    35:38-35:45

    And you know, if you go a long time without cookies, self-control is much harder when someone else offers you one.

    35:49-35:52

    So if you're married, enjoy the wedding present that God gave you.

    35:52-35:52

    Alright?

    35:54-35:56

    Number two, single?

    35:58-35:59

    Enjoy God's gift of singleness.

    36:02-36:04

    I'm going to touch on this quickly.

    36:04-36:04

    Why?

    36:05-36:08

    He goes way into more detail later.

    36:08-36:11

    But right now, understand the point of what he's saying now.

    36:11-36:14

    The point of what he's saying now is two good options, right?

    36:14-36:14

    Two good options.

    36:15-36:16

    Marriage, good option.

    36:16-36:20

    And he's like, let's talk about the other good option, being single.

    36:20-36:21

    Look at verse six.

    36:22-36:35

    He says, "Now as a concession, not a command, I say this." In other words, he's like, look, I'm not commanding everyone to get married.

    36:35-36:38

    I'm just putting this out there because of human needs.

    36:39-36:39

    Right?

    36:39-37:19

    Verse seven, he says, "I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." So Paul says, "I have this gift and I wish everyone had this gift." Paul's like, "You may not have this gift." Bible's clear, God gives different gifts to different people and some people are uniquely gifted by God for singleness.

    37:20-37:21

    Some people are.

    37:21-37:24

    Like that is from God himself.

    37:28-37:33

    Quickly, Jesus, Matthew chapter 19, again, we referenced this earlier.

    37:33-37:38

    He was speaking of marriage and divorce and adultery.

    37:38-37:41

    Look, Jesus, this is where Paul gets this.

    37:42-37:45

    Paul's just repeating what Jesus was saying here about singleness.

    37:46-38:07

    Like I said, Jesus just got done talking about marriage and divorce, and the disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." But Jesus said to them, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only to those to whom it is given.

    38:09-38:19

    For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

    38:20-38:24

    Let the one who is able to receive this, receive it.

    38:26-38:28

    Same thing, same point.

    38:29-38:32

    Some people have a gift of singleness given by God.

    38:34-38:41

    If you're sitting here, you're like, "Man, I couldn't do it." Well, then you don't have the gift.

    38:43-38:45

    That's just all there is to it, right?

    38:47-38:48

    If you're sitting here and you're like, "You know what?

    38:48-38:59

    am single but I really don't want to be, then you don't have the gift. Because it's a gift from God to be single and content.

    39:02-39:17

    It's from God to be single and content, not single and consumed by lust. You don't have the gift if that's the case. Not if single and constantly tempted, you don't have the gift.

    39:17-39:23

    Not if single and constantly preoccupied by the fact that I am single, you don't have the gift.

    39:26-39:26

    Right?

    39:27-39:32

    But for some, it is a gift.

    39:33-39:45

    And there are definite advantages to this gift that we're going to talk about very shortly down the road, he picks up on that really in verse 32.

    39:46-39:56

    So Paul is saying to the Corinthians, "God's Word preserved by His Holy Spirit saying to us same thing." Look, don't judge the single people, right?

    39:57-39:58

    Don't judge the single people.

    39:58-40:04

    Maybe they have a gift from God to be single and content, to serve Him in a unique way.

    40:04-40:04

    Don't judge them.

    40:05-40:08

    And on the other hand, don't judge the married people either.

    40:09-40:24

    God has given the gift of marriage, and each side here, the single, the married, each has a gift, so enjoy yours how God intended." Our worship team would make their way up.

    40:25-40:35

    You know, in talking about this subject, it's hard to not think about how I heard of this subject when I was but a wee lad.

    40:38-40:46

    And you know, growing up, I thought, I'm just gonna be honest with you here, I thought sex was a bad, dirty thing.

    40:50-41:05

    Growing up, I thought sex was just this really, it was this really secretive, dirty thing that adults kind of whisper about, and you're like, "Why did you think that?" Because that was the only way it was ever presented.

    41:07-41:27

    And you know, so much church, so much church is, "Don't do this, don't do that, don't do this." So much church is, "Let me tell you everything that we're against." And too seldom does the church say what we're for.

    41:29-41:35

    But listen, sex is not a bad, dirty thing.

    41:38-41:41

    You realize God created it.

    41:43-41:45

    You realize the whole thing was His idea.

    41:46-41:52

    God is 100% for husbands and wives enjoying the heck out of it.

    41:55-41:56

    That's what he intended.

    41:58-42:01

    Sex to be one of life's greatest pleasures for a married couple.

    42:03-42:10

    So it's a gift for the married and the unmarried get the gift of not needing that wedding gift.

    42:10-42:13

    So, which is good?

    42:15-42:17

    Married or single?

    42:20-42:21

    Both are good.

    42:23-42:23

    Enjoy.

    42:24-42:25

    Let's pray.

    42:26-42:31

    Father in heaven, every good and perfect gift comes from above.

    42:32-42:55

    And I pray, Father, that you would give us eyes to see the way that you have blessed and gifted us and that we would use the gifts in a way that honors and glorifies you, whether it's single, to serve you in a unique way, whether it's married, to enjoy this picture of Christ and the church to enjoy the intimacy that comes from knowing somebody so deeply.

    42:57-43:01

    Whatever it is, God, let us recognize and enjoy.

    43:02-43:04

    And thank You and praise You for all of Your gifts.

    43:05-43:07

    We praise You in Jesus' name.

    43:07-43:08

    Amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read
1 Corinthians 7:1-7

  1. What was your big take-away from this passage / message?

  2. Explain the “3 Laws of Marital Intimacy” in your own words (1 Cor 7:3-5).

  3. What does it mean that “the wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the husband does, (and vice-versa)”? Is this making allowance for some kind of coercion to intimacy? Why or why not?

  4. How would you respond to a single friend who asks, “How do I know if I have the gift of singleness?”

Breakout

Pray for one another.

Walk Wisely: Seduction Destruction.

Introduction:

How to Avoid Destruction by Seduction (Proverbs 6:20-35):

  1. Let God's Word direct you, not your Feelings. (Prov 6:20-24a)
  2. Watch out for Bait. (Prov 6:24b-25)
  3. Consider what it Will Cost you. (Prov 6:26-35).
  1. The consequences are Inevitable. (Prov 6:27-29)
  2. The consequences will get you no Pity. (Prov 6:30-31)
  3. The consequences are foolishly Self-Destructive. (Prov 6:32-35)

Proverbs 4:26 - Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.

Moral Fences:

  1. I will not ride alone in a car with someone from the opposite sex other than my spouse or immediate family member.

  2. I will not counsel the opposite sex alone– in a closed room or more than once.

  3. I speak often and publicly about my affection for my spouse, when s/he is present and when s/he is not.

  4. I will compliment the opposite sex on character, not appearance.

  5. I will give my spouse total access to my cell phone / computer.

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint:
Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:04

    Open up your Bibles with me please to Proverbs chapter 6.

    00:04-00:05

    Proverbs chapter 6.

    00:06-00:09

    Many of you might not know this, but I have another part-time job.

    00:09-00:14

    And true story, it is product testing.

    00:14-00:18

    We get products in the mail, and we try them out, and we do these surveys.

    00:19-00:23

    And then they give you a few bucks for your opinion, and you get free products.

    00:23-00:26

    We've got coffee creamer and foil and stuff like that.

    00:26-00:35

    But also, in addition to getting products in the mail, with this, they actually email me pilots for new TV shows.

    00:35-00:38

    A lot of times they're like an hour long, whatever, I just delete those.

    00:38-00:45

    But some of them are like 20 minutes long, and they'll pay you to watch the show and tell them what you think about it.

    00:45-00:49

    So this one show, I did watch it. It was like a 22-minute pilot.

    00:49-00:56

    And it was this guy, I can't remember his name, shame on me, But this guy, he basically was trying to be like the next Steve Irwin.

    00:56-00:58

    Do you remember Steve Irwin?

    00:58-01:01

    You know him talking about the crocodile hunter, Crikey and all that?

    01:01-01:03

    Okay, well this guy had kind of that thing going on.

    01:03-01:10

    So he had this film crew and he was like wading through this, he was like in the Amazon, he was like wading through this jungle.

    01:11-01:17

    And the gist of this show was he was, every episode, he was going to try to find an extremely rare animal.

    01:17-01:23

    And in this pilot episode, he was looking for this eel that was in the river, in the jungle, whatever.

    01:23-01:25

    And OK, so he's walking through.

    01:25-01:26

    And along the way, he finds other animals.

    01:26-01:27

    He's like, hey, check this out.

    01:28-01:33

    Well, he, at one point in the show, he's like, oh, oh, look at this.

    01:33-01:34

    Look at this.

    01:34-01:38

    And he reaches down, and he pulls out a python.

    01:38-01:40

    And he's holding the python.

    01:41-01:44

    And he's like, oh, this is such and such kind python.

    01:44-01:47

    And look at the coloration on this thing.

    01:47-01:49

    And oh, look at the markings on this thing.

    01:49-01:53

    And wow, this is a beautiful specimen of this python.

    01:54-01:54

    Wow.

    01:54-01:57

    Wow, what a great find to be able to find this.

    01:57-02:01

    I'm sure you know these kind of snakes, they constrict their prey.

    02:02-02:08

    And then all of a sudden, as he's talking, the snake's like, bites him right in the face.

    02:09-02:12

    And he pulls the thing off, and he's just bleeding everywhere.

    02:12-02:14

    And he's like, all right, we're going to take a break.

    02:14-02:15

    We'll come back.

    02:15-02:18

    And I think they're going to put a commercial in that spot.

    02:19-02:23

    But when they come back, he's all bleeding and they're bandaging him up.

    02:23-02:27

    I take the survey afterwards and it was like, what part of the show did you find the most interesting?

    02:27-02:28

    Like it wasn't the eel.

    02:29-02:36

    Well, in the same way today, we are going to be talking about something that you may be tempted to play with, but it's going to bite you.

    02:37-03:00

    Today, we are letting the word of God give us wisdom and warning to avoid getting involved in a relationship, a physical relationship, a sensual, romantic, emotional relationship with a person that you should be avoiding like a python in the jungle.

    03:01-03:04

    Proverbs talks about this so many places.

    03:05-03:08

    Proverbs 2.16, she's called the forbidden woman.

    03:08-03:10

    Proverbs 6.24, she's called the evil woman.

    03:11-03:20

    Proverbs 6.26, married woman, obviously married to someone else as indicated by Proverbs 6.29, she's called your neighbor's wife.

    03:20-03:24

    Over and over, Proverbs warns about getting involved with the wrong woman.

    03:24-03:29

    You're like, "What kind of sexist thing is this?

    03:29-03:38

    It's always the woman." Well, the reason it's written that way is because it's from the perspective of a father talking to his son.

    03:39-03:43

    That's why that terminology is used that way.

    03:44-04:00

    But listen, church, you have to catch the principles that are given in these passages because this certainly includes, ladies, ladies, watch out for the evil men who just want to use you.

    04:01-04:02

    You get the point.

    04:03-04:05

    It's a relationship that you know you should not be in.

    04:06-04:11

    It's a person you know you should not be involved with.

    04:11-04:22

    And Proverbs gives us many super serious warnings, and I am not overstating it when I say, listen, this message will save your life.

    04:22-04:29

    And I believe every time we get up to preach the Word of God, I look at every Sunday, like this is the most important sermon ever.

    04:29-04:33

    I'm feeling the weight of this one, and I encourage you to listen close.

    04:33-04:34

    This message will save your life.

    04:34-04:39

    All right, Proverbs 6, if you're taking notes, and I really encourage you to do that.

    04:39-04:42

    How to avoid destruction by seduction.

    04:43-04:44

    First of all, jot this down.

    04:44-04:47

    Let God's Word direct you, not your feelings.

    04:47-04:50

    Let God's Word direct you, not your feelings.

    04:50-04:52

    Look at verses 20-24.

    04:52-04:53

    That's where we'll pick up in the passage.

    04:54-04:59

    "My son, keep your father's commandment and forsake not your mother's teaching.

    04:59-05:01

    Bind them on your heart always.

    05:01-05:02

    Tie them around your neck.

    05:02-05:04

    When you walk, they will lead you.

    05:04-05:06

    When you lie down, they will watch over you.

    05:06-05:08

    And when you awake, they will talk with you.

    05:09-05:18

    The commandment is a lamp, and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life to preserve you from the evil woman.

    05:19-05:20

    Let's stop there for a second.

    05:20-05:23

    You need to let God's Word guide you, not your feelings.

    05:23-05:26

    I'm not going to spend a lot of time here today.

    05:26-05:26

    Why?

    05:26-05:29

    Because that was the whole sermon last week, right?

    05:30-05:31

    That was the whole sermon.

    05:31-05:33

    Get online, you can listen to it again.

    05:33-05:34

    Here it is.

    05:34-05:39

    You're either guided by the Word of God, or you're going to be guided by your feelings.

    05:39-05:47

    But when we talk about not getting involved with the wrong person, this is a decision that you have to make ahead of time.

    05:47-05:49

    You have to make this decision today.

    05:49-05:58

    "I'm not going to go down this road." Right now, somebody is sitting and saying, "This message doesn't really apply. I'm just going to tune out.

    05:58-06:02

    Think about something. This message doesn't really apply to me." Listen, it will.

    06:02-06:09

    It might not apply to you today, but it's going to come up in your life sooner than you expect.

    06:09-06:10

    This will apply to you.

    06:10-06:12

    And this is wisdom that you need now.

    06:12-06:21

    You need to be prepared now, because in the moment that you are enticed by the wrong person, if you are unprepared, it's going to be too late.

    06:21-06:28

    Verse 24 says, "To preserve you from the evil woman..." Note how God's Word isn't mincing words.

    06:28-06:35

    "What kind of woman is this? Tell me. What kind of woman is this?" And it's the same principle. What kind of man are we being warned against?

    06:35-06:37

    What kind? Evil!

    06:37-06:41

    She's just looking for a good time. She doesn't care about you.

    06:42-06:46

    He's just looking to be with you, but he doesn't really care about you, ladies.

    06:47-06:54

    Because when you are ruined, guys, when you are ruined, she is just going to move on to the next sucker.

    06:54-06:55

    She doesn't care about you.

    06:56-06:58

    There's two ways to arm yourself against temptation.

    06:59-07:10

    Number one, right here we saw, "You need to let the Word of God guide your conduct." Right? The commandment, verse 23, "The commandment is a lamp, and the teaching is a light." The Word of God needs to guide your conduct.

    07:10-07:19

    And also notice verse 20, "Keep your father's commandment, for saying, 'Let your mother's teaching.'" Parents, you need to be teaching this stuff to your kids, all right?

    07:19-07:22

    I got your back, and I want to assist you in that.

    07:22-07:24

    But this has to come from the parents.

    07:25-07:28

    Parents, you need to teach your kids how to let the Word of God be the guide.

    07:29-07:35

    The Word of God's guidance is the first way to arm yourself against temptation, and the second way to arm yourself if you are married.

    07:36-07:46

    If you are married, you arm yourself against the temptation from getting involved with the wrong person by having a really, really, really, really, really healthy marriage relationship.

    07:46-07:51

    Do you guys know what I'm talking about? If you know what I'm talking about, say "Amen." Okay, you know what I'm talking about.

    07:52-07:57

    If you're still not sure, we had a sermon on this years ago from Proverbs 5.15-20.

    07:57-08:04

    It's on our website. Just go to our website and do a search for a sermon called "Drink Up." Alright? Have a healthy marriage relationship.

    08:04-08:06

    But you need to let God's Word direct you, not your feelings.

    08:06-08:10

    Secondly, number two, jot this down, watch out for bait.

    08:10-08:12

    Get back to the text here, verse 24.

    08:12-08:19

    "Preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress." Did that sound smooth?

    08:20-08:23

    No, actually, Pastor Jeff, it sounds kind of dorky when you say it.

    08:24-08:39

    "From the smooth tongue of the adulteress, do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes." See that? The smooth tongue, the beauty, eyelashes.

    08:39-08:41

    Don't let her capture you with her eyelashes.

    08:41-08:44

    See the eyelashes? They're like a Venus flytrap.

    08:44-08:45

    That's what her eyelashes are like.

    08:46-08:48

    It's interesting, you know, the eyes.

    08:48-08:52

    You can tell a story with your eyes just by the way you look at someone.

    08:52-08:55

    That's what he's saying to watch out for. Think of the cosmetics industry, ladies.

    08:56-09:04

    You know, how much cosmetics and mascara and eyeshadow, how much stuff is just about making your eyes pretty.

    09:05-09:08

    And there's nothing wrong with wearing makeup, but you see the point here.

    09:08-09:13

    Watch out for the lady that's trying to allure you with her eyes because it's all bait.

    09:13-09:20

    You see the smooth tongue, the beauty, the eyelashes, it's all bait, it's all worms on the hook, it's all cheese on the mousetrap.

    09:20-09:24

    It's things so enticing, that ultimately is going to cost you.

    09:24-09:26

    You remember, sin doesn't look hideous.

    09:26-09:29

    Sin always looks alluring. Always.

    09:29-09:57

    And when this woman is looking at you with this beauty in these eyes, you're going to think, "This is my lucky day." Ladies, when this guy coming on to you, you might be tempted to think, "Wow, he's noticing me, this is my lucky day." And it's no different than the mouse seeing the cheese on the trap and saying, "Wow, free lunch, this is my lucky day." You gotta watch out for the bait.

    09:57-10:00

    And number three, you gotta consider what it will cost you.

    10:00-10:06

    I'm gonna spend a lion's share of the time on this because this is what the text devotes the most attention to.

    10:07-10:10

    You need to consider what it will cost you, all right?

    10:11-10:23

    So right now, right now, if you're flirting around at work, online, you got some coy little thing happening on the side, my wife doesn't know about that.

    10:23-10:28

    You get this little playful thing with this girl at work.

    10:28-10:32

    If you're flirting around with that right now, you gotta seriously listen up.

    10:32-10:33

    Look at verse 26.

    10:34-10:41

    It says, "For the price of a prostitute "is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life.

    10:41-10:42

    There's a contrast here.

    10:43-10:46

    Obviously, he's not condoning prostitution.

    10:46-10:50

    What he's doing is he's contrasting the cost.

    10:50-10:59

    Literally, verse 26, literally what this means is if you get involved with a prostitute, you will be brought to a piece of bread.

    11:00-11:03

    It's just a figure of speech that means you'll become a beggar.

    11:03-11:04

    Again, it's a contrast.

    11:05-11:08

    In other words, you get involved with a prostitute, you're going to lose your wealth.

    11:08-11:12

    But if you get involved in an affair, you're going to lose your life.

    11:13-11:30

    If you're contemplating getting involved with or continuing physical, sensual, romantic, emotional, if you're involved in that, again, or considering it with the wrong person, maybe you're at the very beginning of that road, you need to make a major U-turn right now.

    11:30-11:31

    What are the consequences?

    11:32-11:34

    Let's talk about the consequences here for a couple of moments.

    11:34-12:09

    I'm going to read a passage from that bring their own inevitable penalty.

    12:09-12:13

    You carry fire close to your chest, you're going to get burned.

    12:13-12:16

    You walk on hot coals, your feet are going to get burned.

    12:16-12:19

    We sort of use a modern proverb like that, don't we?

    12:19-12:21

    If you play with fire, you what?

    12:21-12:23

    Get burned. That's what he's saying.

    12:23-12:25

    Oh, and you think you're going to be the guy that gets away with it.

    12:25-12:27

    You think nobody's going to find out.

    12:28-12:29

    You are so wrong.

    12:29-12:33

    You can be sure that your sin will find you out.

    12:33-12:34

    Maybe not today.

    12:34-12:37

    Maybe not this week, but it's going to happen.

    12:37-12:39

    When you play with fire, you're going to get burned.

    12:39-12:41

    The consequences are inevitable.

    12:41-12:44

    Letter B, speaking of consequences, you've got to jot this down.

    12:45-12:46

    The consequences will get you no pity.

    12:47-12:48

    Look at verse 30.

    12:48-12:53

    "People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry.

    12:53-12:55

    But if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold.

    12:56-12:59

    He will give all the goods of his house.

    13:00-13:08

    He who commits adultery lacks sense." Stop there. The consequences will get you no pity.

    13:08-13:10

    Again, he's not condoning stealing, okay?

    13:11-13:20

    Obviously, once again, he's contrasting the cost, the consequences of stealing versus the consequences of having an affair.

    13:20-13:25

    And the contrast here is pity versus disdain.

    13:25-13:26

    We get this, right?

    13:27-13:29

    Like, come on, if somebody's starving...

    13:29-13:32

    We know right off the bat, stealing is wrong, right?

    13:32-13:34

    I don't have to bark up that tree, do I, Mike?

    13:35-13:36

    We're convinced on that, right?

    13:37-13:38

    Eighth Commandment, "Thou shalt not steal," right?

    13:39-13:56

    We know it's wrong, but if somebody was starving and survival mode kicks in and they didn't ask for help or whatever reason and they're like, "I had to steal because I was starving." Let's be honest, we can sympathize with that to some degree, can't we?

    13:56-13:57

    I mean, who's with me on that?

    13:57-14:00

    We can sympathize for a starving guy, right?

    14:00-14:03

    Come on, just a couple of you? Gosh!

    14:03-14:05

    Next week's sermon is going to be on compassion, people!

    14:06-14:09

    If somebody's starving and they steal food...

    14:09-14:11

    Stealing is wrong, we established that.

    14:11-14:17

    If somebody's starving and they steal food, you're like, "Okay, that's wrong, but I can sympathize with that. The poor guy was hungry.

    14:18-14:24

    He was driven by survival, but an adulterer is driven by lust.

    14:24-14:38

    And there's no pity for that guy." So if you fall into this trap, You ignore this sermon and you decide you're gonna do your little flirty, coy thing on this and it comes back to bite you in the face like a python.

    14:40-14:44

    And I just gotta tell you, nobody is going to feel bad for you, alright?

    14:44-14:50

    Despite next week's sermon on compassion, nobody is going to feel bad for you.

    14:50-14:57

    You know, it's like, "Hey, where's Joe? Has anybody seen Joe around?" "Oh, you know, Joe, he cheated on his wife.

    14:58-15:02

    And he got kicked out of his house, and his wife is filing for divorce.

    15:02-15:14

    And Joe had to move in with his brother." "Oh, boo-hoo for Joe." "Yeah, I feel bad for his wife." "Oh, absolutely. If he has kids, I feel horrible for them." "I don't feel bad for that guy at all." And that's what Proverbs is pointing out.

    15:14-15:19

    The consequences, once this wrecks your life, nobody's going to care.

    15:19-15:23

    In letter C, the consequences are foolishly self-destructive.

    15:23-15:28

    Pick up in verse 32 again, "He who commits adultery lacks sense.

    15:28-15:31

    He who does it destroys himself.

    15:31-15:34

    The consequences are foolishly self-destructive.

    15:34-15:40

    He who commits adultery lacks sense." Boy, that is such a tactful way the Word of God puts it, right?

    15:41-15:42

    How would we say that?

    15:42-15:44

    Look, if you do this, you're stupid.

    15:45-15:46

    Okay? You're stupid.

    15:46-15:47

    You didn't think this through, did you?

    15:48-15:49

    You didn't think it through.

    15:49-15:55

    You had, when you started this, you didn't bother to think what the end game was going to be.

    15:55-15:57

    I'm starting down this road, where am I going to end up here?

    15:57-15:58

    How's this going to play out?

    15:59-16:03

    What's this little thing going to look like as it escalates and develops?

    16:04-16:07

    What's this going to look like in a month or in six months?

    16:07-16:08

    You didn't think that out, did you?

    16:09-16:13

    Nobody wakes up determined to destroy their lives.

    16:13-16:23

    Nobody wakes up and says, "You know what? I'm going to commit adultery today, and I'm going to lose everything - my marriage, my family, my ministry, possibly my job.

    16:23-16:30

    I'm going to have kids that are going to resent me for the rest of my life." Nobody wakes up and does that.

    16:30-16:34

    Read 2 Samuel 11 with King David. That's a whole other sermon.

    16:35-16:47

    It started with David being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and having a lustful look, and inquiring, and the next thing you know, the king of Israel is committing adultery with one of his soldier's wives and gets her pregnant.

    16:47-16:49

    And then he ends up murdering her husband.

    16:49-16:51

    And it was this whole thing.

    16:51-17:00

    But I guarantee you, David didn't wake up that morning and say, "I'm going to commit adultery today." It happens in these little gradual steps.

    17:00-17:04

    And you've got to knock off these little gradual steps, church.

    17:04-17:08

    It starts with the flirty Facebook post reply.

    17:09-17:18

    You know, you post some picture, "Oh, you're so beautiful." and some guy posts a picture like, "Oh, you're such a beefloaf.

    17:18-17:19

    Just look at you.

    17:20-17:24

    You're such-- oh, you're--" It starts with these little flirty Facebook replies.

    17:25-17:26

    That's what Aaron calls me.

    17:27-17:28

    Not really, just in my head.

    17:28-17:34

    But it starts with that little flirty Facebook thing, and then it turns into the suggestive text, OK?

    17:34-17:35

    Because that's not public.

    17:35-17:37

    That's just between two people now.

    17:37-17:39

    It's a little suggestive text.

    17:39-17:43

    And we're using these little double meanings of words.

    17:43-17:44

    and entendres or whatever that's called.

    17:45-17:46

    And it starts with the suggestive text.

    17:47-17:50

    And then it goes to the two personal email.

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    I'm sure glad I have you in my life.

    17:52-17:55

    I really appreciate you.

    17:55-17:58

    You're such a strong person for me and thank you.

    17:58-18:00

    And we start to get really personal.

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    I need to talk to you about something that I can't talk to my wife about.

    18:04-18:08

    And it progresses to a seemingly innocent touch.

    18:08-18:10

    We're testing the waters there.

    18:10-18:14

    Then we're finding an excuse to be alone together to talk, because you're such a good listener.

    18:15-18:17

    "He who commits adultery lacks sense." You didn't think this through, did you?

    18:18-18:20

    You know where this is going? Nowhere good!

    18:20-18:21

    Look at verse 33.

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    It says, "He will get wounds and dishonor." And look at this, guys.

    18:27-18:33

    "His disgrace will not be wiped away." You will destroy your reputation.

    18:33-18:34

    Now please hear me. Please hear me.

    18:34-18:37

    Can you be forgiven by God? Absolutely.

    18:37-18:42

    The glorious thing about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, He can forgive. He will forgive any sin.

    18:42-18:44

    It doesn't matter what you've done.

    18:44-18:46

    It doesn't matter how badly you've done it.

    18:46-18:48

    It doesn't matter how many times you've done it.

    18:48-18:52

    When you return and receive Jesus Christ by faith, He takes your sin away.

    18:53-18:54

    And you are pronounced not guilty.

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    That is the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    18:57-19:00

    Yes, you can be forgiven by God.

    19:01-19:04

    And if you're a Christian, you are forgiven by God.

    19:04-19:06

    Even if you do this.

    19:06-19:14

    But, though you are forgiven by God, You will never, this will never be forgotten by man.

    19:14-19:15

    You want some proof of that?

    19:16-19:16

    This is a meatball.

    19:17-19:18

    Remember President Bill Clinton?

    19:19-19:23

    Besides that, name something that his presidency was famous for.

    19:23-19:24

    I couldn't think of anything.

    19:24-19:28

    When you think of Bill Clinton, you think of one thing and one thing only, right?

    19:29-19:31

    And that's Monica Lewinsky, correct?

    19:31-19:38

    And I promise you, in 25 years, if you mention the name Bill Clinton, what are people going to associate with him?

    19:38-19:39

    Monica Lewinsky.

    19:40-19:53

    And I was thinking to myself this week, isn't it crazy that you can be the most powerful man in the world, President of the United States, and that's the only thing people are going to remember about you?

    19:54-19:55

    That you had an affair.

    19:55-20:01

    Because the Bible says, "His disgrace will not be wiped away." And you know people personally, I'm sure.

    20:01-20:08

    You know people personally who went down this path, And in your mind, you always associate this sin with that person.

    20:08-20:15

    It's sad, you know, obviously I look at things through my lens, and I think of ministry, right?

    20:15-20:18

    Of course, you read about the famous guys that blow it, right?

    20:18-20:19

    You read about that.

    20:19-20:21

    And I'm not even talking about that.

    20:21-20:30

    Aaron and I personally know four pastors, just off the top of my head, four, that got involved in an extramarital thing, and they lost everything.

    20:31-20:39

    One pastor was a very, very, very successful pastor of a very huge, very quickly growing church.

    20:39-20:45

    They had just opened a whole other campus because it was growing, and he threw it all away.

    20:45-20:46

    For what?

    20:46-20:49

    And you know what really bothers me about that?

    20:49-21:08

    With these pastors, when they got into ministry, they believed, "This is what God is calling me to do." They believed that they had a call from Almighty God to carry out this ministry, and they were willing to forfeit what they believed was a calling from God.

    21:08-21:09

    For what? For what?

    21:10-21:15

    Countless people have thrown away everything they've worked for, for a few minutes of pleasure.

    21:15-21:26

    And I want to ask you, if you're at the beginning of this road, if this is you, if this is starting to be a little salty for you, I want to ask you, is this how you want to be known?

    21:26-21:29

    as the guy who ruined his life because he couldn't control himself.

    21:30-21:36

    "Your disgrace will not be wiped away. Yes, you can be forgiven." That disgrace attaches itself to your name.

    21:36-21:38

    Look at verses 34 and 35.

    21:39-21:44

    It says, "For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.

    21:45-21:47

    He will accept no compensation.

    21:48-22:01

    He will refuse, though you multiply gifts." Not only do you have the reputation danger and the ministry danger, You know, if you're messing around with a married woman, you have another problem, and that's a literal physical danger.

    22:02-22:03

    A literal physical danger.

    22:04-22:08

    Do you think anyone has ever assaulted or killed another man because of an affair?

    22:08-22:11

    Do you think that's ever happened? It happens all the time.

    22:11-22:15

    I mean, think about this, married men. Put yourself in the other position, married men.

    22:15-22:27

    Hypothetically speaking, married men, what if you leave work early, and you go home and discover that there was another man at your house spending romantic time with your wife.

    22:27-22:29

    Imagine that happened to you, man. How would you feel?

    22:29-22:30

    How would you feel?

    22:30-22:31

    What if...

    22:32-22:32

    Furious, right?

    22:33-22:35

    What if you walk in and you confront this man?

    22:35-22:37

    And he pulls out his wallet, says, "Look, I'm so sorry.

    22:38-22:41

    Will 20 bucks make it better?" Guys, will 20 bucks make it better?

    22:41-22:46

    What if he says, "Well, I got more money. I got more money." How about 100 bucks? Will that make it better, guys?

    22:47-22:48

    Guys, will that make it better?

    22:49-22:53

    What if he pulls out his checkbook and says, I'll write you a check for $5,000 right now.

    22:53-22:57

    Will that take away your anger?" Guys, will it?

    22:57-22:59

    That's exactly what he's saying here.

    22:59-23:01

    There's not a price tag on this, guys.

    23:01-23:03

    You're messing around with my wife.

    23:04-23:08

    You better be ready to face everything I've got and more.

    23:09-23:11

    And it doesn't matter what you offer.

    23:11-23:19

    So guys, if you're messing around with a married woman, her husband, when he finds out, and by the way, the Bible says he will find out, He's going to be just as vengeful.

    23:21-23:28

    And of course, there's some knucklehead right now listening to this message, like, "Oh, I'm not buying into any of this stuff, and I do got one of these things.

    23:28-23:30

    I'm not afraid of this lady's husband.

    23:31-23:35

    He's scrawny and I can take him." And there's probably some knucklehead hearing this and thinking that.

    23:36-23:48

    And I'm not saying that this angry husband is going to show up and challenge you to a Marquis de Queensberry rules of pugilism, or take off a glove and slap you and challenge you to a duel.

    23:48-23:49

    It might not work that way.

    23:50-23:52

    You know, Aaron and I, we've lived in a lot of different places.

    23:52-23:53

    Do you know what happened in one place we lived?

    23:54-24:00

    The neighbor across the street was having an affair with another man's wife who lived around the corner.

    24:01-24:02

    Well, that other man found out.

    24:03-24:07

    And he didn't show up at noon and say, "Put up your dukes." Do you know what he did?

    24:08-24:10

    He showed up in the middle of the night and set his house on fire.

    24:11-24:12

    So, if you're flirting around...

    24:12-24:15

    By the way, it's not funny, but it's kind of funny.

    24:16-24:30

    He set the guy's house on fire, this guy that his wife had an affair with, he set his house on fire, and then he stood out at the end of the driveway directing the fire trucks and EMTs, like, "Right here, here's the fire!" And I think maybe he thought that was his coverup.

    24:30-24:31

    Right, like, "No, it wasn't me.

    24:31-24:36

    "I was actually trying to help the fire department." By standing in this guy's driveway in the middle of the night.

    24:36-24:44

    Here's the point, guys, if you're flirting around, girls, you got some little side thing going on, there is absolutely nothing good that's going to come from it.

    24:45-24:45

    I'm going to close.

    24:46-24:49

    And I want to close by commending to you some moral fences.

    24:50-24:54

    These are some convictions that I encourage you to adopt to protect yourself.

    24:55-24:58

    This is not legalism, okay?

    24:58-25:02

    Legalism is a list of man-made rules that make you more spiritual.

    25:03-25:05

    God loves me more when I keep these rules.

    25:05-25:07

    That's what legalism is, and that's not what this is.

    25:08-25:14

    Legalism is judging someone based on a man-made set of rules, and that's not what this is.

    25:14-25:20

    You're like, "Okay, well then what is this?" These moral fences, it's making no provision for the flesh.

    25:21-25:23

    It's giving no opportunity for temptation.

    25:24-25:28

    It's living above reproach. 1 Timothy 3.2, Titus 1.7.

    25:28-25:41

    If you're looking for a Proverbs verse to sort of hang all of this upon, Proverbs 4.29, "Ponder the path of your feet, then all your ways will be sure." I want to encourage you to adopt these things.

    25:42-25:43

    Add some of your own.

    25:43-25:47

    These are convictions that I want you to adopt these to protect yourself.

    25:47-25:51

    I'm not enforcing this, obviously. I'm encouraging this.

    25:51-25:52

    The moral fences.

    25:52-25:58

    Number one, I will not ride alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex other than my spouse or an immediate family member.

    25:59-26:05

    Number two, I will not counsel the opposite sex alone in a closed room, or more than once.

    26:05-26:09

    I would add to that, this includes meeting alone for lunch or for coffee.

    26:10-26:14

    Just you and a member of the opposite sex who is not your wife or is married herself.

    26:14-26:15

    You get the point, right?

    26:16-26:23

    I counsel men, and I counsel married couples, and I will even counsel teens with their parents with them.

    26:24-26:26

    I will not counsel women. Why?

    26:26-26:31

    Remember I told you, Aaron, and I know all these pastors personally, you know where the affairs started? Counseling.

    26:32-26:33

    I don't counsel women.

    26:33-26:45

    If there is an extreme circumstance, which has happened a couple of times, I will counsel a woman one time with Aaron present or someone else present, one of the elders or somebody, one time.

    26:45-26:50

    And then I will connect you with another woman in the church or I will refer you to a female counselor.

    26:50-27:00

    Number three, I speak often and publicly about my affection for my spouse when he or she is present or when he or she is not present.

    27:00-27:02

    You gotta let people know you gotta keep that out there.

    27:02-27:03

    I am committed.

    27:03-27:04

    I am committed to my spouse.

    27:04-27:05

    I am committed.

    27:05-27:10

    Number four, I will compliment the opposite sex on character, not appearance.

    27:10-27:13

    Okay, compliment the opposite sex on character, not appearance.

    27:13-27:16

    You did a great job in your ministry.

    27:16-27:19

    Now you really have great compassion for children.

    27:19-27:21

    I appreciate the way that you teach or whatever.

    27:22-27:26

    Not, well, your hair looks really great that way or that dress looks so nice on you.

    27:26-27:32

    You can't plant seeds that could be interpreted as suggestive or flirty.

    27:33-27:37

    Number five, I will give my spouse total access to my cell phone/computer.

    27:38-27:48

    Your wife should have access to all forms of your electronic communication, whether it's texts, Facebook messages, email, whatever.

    27:49-27:51

    Guys, your wife should have total access to those things.

    27:52-27:55

    Ladies, your husband should have total access to those things.

    27:56-28:03

    Speaking of, personally I make it a practice of CCing someone else when I need to send a personal email to a female.

    28:03-28:06

    I'll attach my wife to it, I'll attach Brooke to it.

    28:06-28:11

    Sometimes Brooke's like, "Hey, why did you attach me to that email?" Just because I wanted a witness, right?

    28:12-28:13

    I've attached Mark Ward to emails.

    28:14-28:15

    I would commend that to you.

    28:16-28:18

    Give your spouse total access to your cell phone, computer.

    28:19-28:22

    Okay, you get the point. That was the introduction. Here's the sermon.

    28:22-28:24

    You can play it safe, or you can play with fire.

    28:25-28:27

    But as for me, my wife is worth it.

    28:27-28:29

    My testimony is worth it.

    28:29-28:31

    My ministry is worth it.

    28:31-28:34

    And most of all, my walk with Christ is worth.

    28:34-28:35

    How about you? Let's pray.

    28:36-28:46

    Father in Heaven, we live in a day more than ever where communication is so easy, and opportunities to get involved with the wrong person - it seems easier than ever.

    28:47-28:49

    Father, I pray for this church. I pray for myself.

    28:49-28:59

    That You would burn this sermon on our brains, is when we would be tempted to get involved in some little thing that we know we shouldn't.

    29:00-29:02

    I pray that You would bring these warnings to mind.

    29:02-29:05

    God, we thank You that You love us to give us these warnings.

    29:05-29:09

    God, we thank You that Your grace is greater than our sin no matter what.

    29:09-29:12

    Father, I pray today is that ounce of prevention.

    29:13-29:23

    I pray that today is a day that hearing this message, and when this goes online and people listen to it, I pray that You would use this to save lives.

    29:23-29:26

    Thank you, Father. We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Small Group Discussion
Read Proverbs 6:20-35

  1. What was your big “take-away” from this passage / message?

  2. List the consequences this passage lays out that people will face by getting involved in a wrong relationship.

  3. If the danger is so obvious, and so devastating, why is this temptation so alluring?

  4. What “moral fences” have you implemented to protect yourself?

BREAKOUT
Is there an inappropriate relationship that you have been flirting with? What do you need to do to repent?