- Counsel : Give it and receive it Thoughtfully (Proverbs 27:9)
- Correction : Give it and receive it Humbly (Proverbs 27:6)
- Comfort : Give it and receive it Constantly (Proverbs 17:17)
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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All right, turn in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs.
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We're going to be bouncing around to a few Proverbs.
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But before we turn, Aria, who is this guy standing up here beside you today?
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You don't know.
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He just wandered on stage and you're like, can you play the guitar?
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He wasn't bad.
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Okay, yeah, he wasn't bad at all.
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Actually, that was Levi and he's your brother, right?
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So I wanted to ask you what it was like to have a brother that can play the guitar.
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That's okay, you weren't the only one.
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>> [LAUGHTER] >> I'm just kidding.
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My brother can play guitar too.
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But it's great to have you up here, Levi.
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>> [INAUDIBLE] >> [LAUGHTER] >> All right, well, since that was such a hit, let's try this.
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We're going to play a game.
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All right?
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Here's how this game goes.
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I'm going to start singing a song.
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Yes.
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I'm going to start singing a song.
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And when you know what the song is, I want you to chime in.
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All right?
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But you can't leave me up here.
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All right?
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You can't be like kind of mumbling the words.
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No, don't leave me up here.
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All right?
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This first one's going to be for people about my age, or maybe even a little older.
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Young people might not get this one, but we're going to take a shot.
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You ready?
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>> This is the part where I really wish that I was musical.
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>> [MUSIC PLAYING] >> Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
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Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.
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Wouldn't you like to get away?
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Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
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Sometimes you want to go.
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>> [SINGING] >> You want to be where people know troubles are all the same.
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You want to be where?
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You want to go where people know people are all the same.
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You want to go where?
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All right, give yourselves a hand.
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Well done.
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That is the theme song from...
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All right, how many people did not know that?
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Just be honest, raise your hands.
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Okay, all the young people did not know that.
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Okay, that was the theme song from "Cheers." All right, you ready for another one?
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Like, I thought I was in church.
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If you thought you were in like stuffy, boring church, you're in the wrong place.
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We're serious about the word of God, but we like to have fun here.
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And there is a point to this.
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All right, you ready for this next one?
03:27-03:27
All right.
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My wife was like, "You're not gonna sing in church." Sorry, hon. (laughs) Okay, here we go.
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♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ ♪ Traveled down the road and back again ♪ ♪ Your heart is true ♪ ♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ ♪ And if you threw a party ♪ ♪ With everyone you knew ♪ ♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me ♪ ♪ And the card attached would say ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ Okay.
04:14-04:19
All right, that is the theme from Golden Girls.
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All right, one more.
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And this is just next line, please.
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Okay, just the next line, okay?
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So no one told you life was going to be this way.
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Thank you, yeah.
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(claps)
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That's the next line to that song.
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And that is the theme from?
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That is the theme from Friends.
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and you're like, "Oh, why are we doing this?" Well, here's why.
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I wish my friendships were like the ones on TV.
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Don't you?
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Why are those shows, you know, we could go on and on and on.
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I don't even know what's on TV nowadays.
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But why were shows like Cheers and The Golden Girls and Friends, why were those shows so popular?
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I think the reason those shows were so popular was because they were about these uninhibited, open, loving, straightforward, often hilarious friendships.
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And I watched those shows and I think, man, I wish my friendships were like that.
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And you're like, you wish you were friends with Betty White.
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No, no, no.
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I wish I was friends with all of them.
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Could you see yourself like in, like you're like with those people?
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For some of you, that's not much of a stretch, you know, but to see yourself with those roommates.
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Or like the cast from "Cheers." Remember, George Wendt's character would walk in and everybody would say?
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Norm, right.
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There's something appealing about that, isn't there?
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Like, we knew this guy and we like this guy.
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And then friends, oh, I wish my life was just sitting around a coffee shop all the time.
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But for those of us that have a job, we realize that life doesn't really turn out that way, does it?
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Well, today we're going to talk about good old-fashioned friendship.
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You know the value of friendship.
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because it's woven into your very nature. In fact, we were built for friendship.
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The Bible tells us that we were made in the image of God. And what does that mean? That means a lot of things. But do you realize one aspect of what that means? God himself is a perfect society. Did you know that? There is one God, but he exists as three persons, and there's a sense in which you could say God is the perfect society. So why are we discussing friendship in church if it's such a part of who we are? And I imagine most everyone in here has some friends, I imagine. Why are we discussing this in church? We'll jot these things down, just three quick reasons why I think it's important. Number one, friends are hard to gain and easy to lose. Is that true?
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Friends are hard to gain and easy to lose. So often as friends we sin against one another, we take offense against one another, we neglect one another. Friends are hard to gain and easy to lose.
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Second reason is this, our society is becoming more and more isolated.
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Our society is becoming more and more isolated.
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Let's be honest, for most of us, we'd rather stay at home and watch an episode of "Friends" than go hang out with actual friends.
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Is that true or false?
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True.
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We live in a day of the internet.
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We'd rather get on a chat room then go talk to someone.
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We live in a day of texting.
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Texting, it kills me.
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Did you ever go to the mall and you see a bunch of teenagers sitting like by the fountain or whatever, they're like texting each other?
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Like, dude, he is right beside you.
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Why don't you turn your head and practice communicating?
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We're raising up a whole generation of kids that don't know how to communicate.
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We're raising up a whole generation of kids that someday are gonna have to go to a job interview and the person hiring them is gonna say, "Would you have any special skills?" And these kids are gonna be like, you should get that in a minute.
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They don't know how to actually talk to people.
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We're in a day of isolation.
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and we build patios behind our house and put fences around them, where we used to sit on the front porch and talk to neighbors.
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And it happens in the church as well.
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It happens not just in this church, but it happens in every church.
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It's easy to slip in late and slip out early.
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Hopefully nobody knows I was here.
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I wanna go to church, but not really be too social about it.
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You know, this past Thursday I was at a meeting of a bunch of preachers in the North Hills, preachers from North Bridge and Northway and Covenant.
09:59-10:20
And the one pastor spoke up, he said, "I have a serious question I want to ask you guys." He said, "Are you having problems in your churches with people that would rather catch the message online and not attend?" He said, "I'm seeing that as more and more of a trend in our church.
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When people know that they can hear the sermon online, Sunday morning they figure, 'Do I even need to get up and go to church?
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I'm tired. I got stuff to do. I'll just listen to the message online, and that's the same as going to church.'" Is that the same as going to church?
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I would suggest to you that it is absolutely not the same thing.
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You know, the Bible calls us to assemble as a congregation, to come and cry out to the Lord as a congregation, and to get into the Word, and to worship as a congregation.
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The biggest book in your Bible is what? Psalms.
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And what's Psalms about? God's people coming together to praise God.
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You can't do that at home by yourself.
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You can't do that just by downloading something from the Internet.
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We are called to come together and worship as a church together.
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So, friends are hard to gain, easy to lose. Our society is becoming more isolated.
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The third reason we're going to talk about friendship this week and next week is this.
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Left to ourselves. Left to ourselves, it is hard to know how to strengthen or maintain a friendship.
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What words, what deeds, how do we strengthen and maintain relationships if we're left to ourselves?
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It's hard to know.
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But church, the good news is this, we have a level of friendship that Jesus Christ alone makes possible.
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So if you have your outline, look at the back of your bulletin outline.
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We're just gonna talk about three things today.
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These are three marks of legit friendship.
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All in favor of legit friendship?
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None of this, he might say hi to me if I like run into him with my car.
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I mean like legit friendships.
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I go, "Pastor Jeff, my friends are so lame." Well, Proverbs 27, 17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." And as we go through these three marks of a legit friendship, something that you have to keep in the back of your mind is this, Friendship is always going to be give and take.
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Iron sharpens iron, it's give and take.
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If you're a friend that's all take and no give, you're needy and you're going to take advantage of people.
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And you're going to find yourself in a place where it's hard to keep friends.
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Because when people see you, they associate, well, he's always wanting something from me And every time I see her, she's having the worst day of her life.
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Is it really always that bad?
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If you're all take and no give, people are going to feel like you're taking advantage of them, but if you're all give and no take, you're going to breed resentment in your own hearts.
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All give and no take.
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You're going to start resenting people.
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You're going to think everybody's out to use you.
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So good friends are rare, and I would encourage you to be the kind of friend that you want to have.
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Be the kind of friend that you want to have.
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Because here's the thing, when it comes to relationships in the Bible, who is the burden on, really?
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The burden's on me, isn't it?
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When we come to church, you know, there's gonna be somebody sitting here that's like, "Wow, I wish so-and-so "was here to hear this message." It's not what it's about.
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God has his thing going on with so-and-so.
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Right now is God's time to be working on you.
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So the burden's on you.
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Instead of sitting here saying, "Oh, I wish I had a better wife." No, you need to be a better husband.
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Or, "Oh, I wish I had better employees working for me." Maybe you need to be a better employer.
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And then when we talk about friendship, you're like, "Man, I wish I had better friends." Maybe you need to be a better friend.
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And that's why when we go through these Proverbs, it's give and take.
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This is what you should expect from your friends, but this is something also that you should be willing to give your friends.
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Everybody with me?
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Everybody with me?
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We're so tired from all that singing.
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Not just the worship, I mean, that was just joy, but you made us sing those Golden Girls songs.
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All right, number one.
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Number one, three marks of legit friendship, counsel.
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Counsel, give it and receive it thoughtfully.
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Give it and receive it thoughtfully.
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Look at Proverbs 27 in verse nine.
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It says, "Oil and perfume make the heart glad.
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And the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
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Do you get the picture there?
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Keep in mind when this was written, you didn't have college students running around that bathed themselves in Axe body spray.
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Perfume and oil would have been more rare and it would have been more special to have that scent.
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So just like when you would approach someone that, "Ah, he smells good." And, "Wow, she really smells nice." The sweetness of that aroma is compared to the sweetness of a friend from his, what?
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From his earnest counsel.
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From his earnest counsel.
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Every single one of us are constantly in every stage of life faced with tough decisions.
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Whatever stage of life you're in right now, you are facing decisions.
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You know, when you're in high school, it's, you know, what do I wanna do with my life?
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What college do I wanna go to?
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And then you get to college, and where am I going to seek employment when I graduate?
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Or what about getting married?
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What about having children?
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What about where I'm going to attend church?
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Or what to invest money in or spend money on?
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Or, well, a true friend gives earnest counsel, but a true friend doesn't step in as your therapist, okay?
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Like, I'm trying to decide what college I need to go to.
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You know, your true friend doesn't step in with their pen and their clipboard, like, Well, let's take notes.
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I want you to list for me all the pros.
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I want you to list for me all, they don't do that.
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Because here's the thing, a true friend earnestly cares.
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Because for a true friend, your problem is their problem and vice versa.
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That's how you know a friend.
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You know a friend when your problem becomes their problem.
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and their problem feels like your problem.
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Proverbs 15, 22 says, "Without counsel, plans fail, "but with many advisors, they succeed." We are to be people who give earnest counsel to our friends.
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So you're like, well, how do I do that?
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This is Counseling 101.
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First of all, I'm gonna give you two lists here very quickly.
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But first of all, here's how not to give counsel.
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Here's how not to give counsel.
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How not to give counsel.
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First of all, don't offer counsel without relational equity.
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Do not offer counsel without relational equity.
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What is relational equity?
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That's this.
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It's when you're invested enough into the person that you're allowed to speak into the person.
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That's relational equity.
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Or to put it another way, think of it this way.
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A complete stranger walks up to you on the street, somebody you've never met before, and they say, "I think you're making a stupid decision." How do you react to that?
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You're like, "And you are, and I should listen to you, why?" And your father comes to you and says, "Son, I think you're making a very stupid decision." You should actually stop and think about that, why?
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Because your father has built up some relational equity, hasn't he?
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You have that relationship.
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He's been pouring into you.
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You would give your father much more of an attentive ear than you would give a complete stranger.
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But when we talk about friendship, you should be investing in each other with relational equity, pouring into each other, that you have the right to speak into that person's life.
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You can't give counsel unless you've earned that right.
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because otherwise you're going to turn them off to you and you'll turn them off to whatever you've said.
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And listen, I'm not gonna go into details, but this is something I watched unfold right before my eyes a few months ago.
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Somebody that didn't have any relational equity at all with another person stepped in basically telling this other person how to run their life and do their job and this, that, and the other.
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The person got very offended because the person that stepped in to give all the advice didn't have any relational equity, but came across as if they were this person's parents.
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So not only was the person rejected, but even if there was a nugget of truth in what that person was trying to communicate, that was rejected because the person was rejected.
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Is everybody with me?
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You have to build into people.
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You have to have that loving relationship already established before you can step in and offer counsel, relational equity.
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Secondly, don't become the mutual admiration society.
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Don't become the mutual admiration society.
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Anybody members of the mutual admiration society?
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You're fantastic.
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No, you're fantastic.
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No, you're fabulous.
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No, you're fabulous.
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You're so smart. No, you're so smart.
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Sometimes giving counsel means you have to say some hard things.
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And you have to say some things that the person might not necessarily want to hear.
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So you better have the relational equity to pull that off, first of all, but don't become the mutual admiration society.
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Thirdly, don't be hasty.
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Don't be hasty.
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That's why Proverbs says, The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.
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And part of being earnest means it's not hasty.
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He's actually taking some time to think about this.
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You know, that's one of the wisest things you can hear somebody say if you go to them for advice.
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And they say, "Let me get back to you on that." That's wisdom.
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You wouldn't walk away from that going, "Well, he's really dumb, he doesn't know." No, it's wisdom because he's saying, "I wanna think about this.
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I wanna pray about this.
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That's wisdom.
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So don't be hasty.
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Also, don't be trite.
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Number four, don't be trite.
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This is the worst, Christians.
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We are so guilty of this, every single one of us, and we're all gonna stop.
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We on this day make a covenant to stop being trite in our counsel.
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Will you make that covenant with me?
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To stop being trite?
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You're like, "What do you mean?" Here's what I mean.
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with your brother or sister and the Lord's going in for like cancer treatment.
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And you're like, well, God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.
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First of all, that's not even in the Bible.
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Second of all, that person needs compassion.
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That person doesn't need like the saying on the front of a Hallmark card.
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God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.
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Yeah, thank you for that.
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Thank you.
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Or this one, you're going through a hard time and your friend comes alongside and says, "Well, you know, God helps those who help themselves." You know, Ben Franklin said that, right?
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You know that's not in the Bible, right?
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But we have, what are some more?
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Do you have any more?
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You know, these little sayings that we give to each other as Christians, these little trite little things, the worst of which is, "Well, I'll pray for you." No, you won't, liar.
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How about you pray right now?
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So don't be trite, okay?
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Don't be trite.
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When somebody comes to you and they want a compassionate ear, don't give them some stupid hallmark expression.
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Will you make that covenant with me?
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Will you make that covenant with me?
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Okay, some of you will.
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Some of you are content to, God helps those who help themselves thing.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Okay, last and most important.
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When somebody comes to you, Here's how, this is, again, how I'm not to give counsel.
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Don't be a storytopper.
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Don't be a storytopper.
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Do you know what a storytopper is?
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Do you know what a storytopper is?
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Here's a storytopper.
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My friend, Sean, comes to me and he's like, "Man, I'm tired, man." And I'm like, "Oh, you think you're tired?
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I haven't slept in four days." And Sean's like, "Yeah, I've just been kind of tired because Spencer's been up a lot.
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Oh, you think your kids have been up a lot?
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I haven't slept since 2005.
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(congregation laughing)
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And Sean's like, yeah, but our work schedules have just been so hectic.
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Oh, you think your work schedules have been hectic?
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Worked 250 hours last week.
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I worked with a guy that told me that by the way.
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He was a truck driver and he told me he worked 250 hours last week.
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I'm like, I'm not even gonna try to top that one.
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But you see what I mean?
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Storytoppers, Sean's gonna walk away from that conversation going, wow, the spotlight sure went on Jeff in a hurry.
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You know, I came to him thinking that we could talk and maybe he could encourage me, but I just took the spotlight right off of his problems that he's coming to me as a friend and putting them on me to say, "No, Sean, here's why we should talk about me.
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"Here's why we should feel bad about me.
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"Can I please be the center of attention for a little bit?" That's lousy friendship, lousy friendship, okay?
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Don't make it about you.
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Somebody comes to you with a problem.
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They don't wanna hear about how terrible of a day you had because your cat had the flu or whatever, okay?
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So here's how to counsel.
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I know they offer like whole college courses on this.
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So I heard Debbie.
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So I heard.
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This is how to give counsel.
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Here's how to give counsel, real easy.
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Number one, when you talk to someone, the question you need to ask yourself is this, what's the real concern here?
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What's the real concern?
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I've done a lot of counseling over the years.
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That is the number one question.
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The first time, I've done a lot of marriage counseling, the first time a couple comes into me with a problem, that's what we're going after.
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What's the real concern?
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I know you came in here thinking you knew what the problem was, but that might not be what the problem actually is.
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And you don't actually say that because the whole situation is fueled with emotions, right?
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But what you're thinking in the back of your mind is, I wanna hear what they say the problem is and perceive if that's actually the problem.
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What's the real concern?
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So I would encourage you, take time to listen.
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Just listen, just listen to them.
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Just listen.
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Just listen.
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What do you think the problem is?
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Number two, these are all questions.
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What does the Bible say?
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A true friend points you to the word.
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A true friend does.
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And they come to you with their problem and I've listened to your problem.
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Okay, Sean, well, what does the Bible say about that?
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You know, the Bible has some passages that address that problem you're going through.
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Let's go through and see what the word of God says.
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A true friend does that.
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Thirdly, ask, what steps do we need to take?
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Now, I inserted the word we here, because when we're talking about friendship, remember, your problem is my problem, and my problem is your problem.
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What steps do we need to take?
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Your friend needs to know that you're on their side and you're in this with them.
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They need to know that.
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So Sean comes to me, he's like, "Man, I'm having a problem." Okay, Sean, here's what the Bible says, so what are we gonna do about it?
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Now Sean knows I'm not just sending you off with a grocery list of things to do.
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Like, Sean, we're gonna work through this, man.
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You're my friend and we're gonna work through this together.
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And there's we, right?
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So he leaves that conversation feeling like, you know what, I'm not alone.
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I'm not alone.
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However else this problem might be bad, at least I don't have to face it by myself.
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We, what steps do we need to take?
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And then the fourth question is this, how are we going to take the first step?
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Didn't you just say that?
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No, it's different.
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We need to look at the steps that we need to take, But next we need to ask, well, how are we gonna take the first step?
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'Cause so many times people are like, well, we need to do this, we need to do that, we need to do this, and we're left with this kind of list in our heads of all these things we need to do, but nothing really happens.
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So you have to ask, well, how are we going to do the first thing?
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And then fifth, how can I follow up with my friend?
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How can I follow up with my friend?
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You know, I should be on the phone, email, texting, whatever, following up.
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"Sean, you came to me with that problem and, you know, how are we doing now?
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You know, have you seen any improvement? What do we need to do? Do you need to get together?" That's how to give counsel.
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Counsel should be wisely given and humbly received.
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Yes, receive. Don't be the guy that dishes out all the counsel but won't take any.
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Iron sharpens iron, right?
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Okay, secondly, correction.
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Correction.
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Just like we said, counsel, give it and receive it thoughtfully.
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Correction, give it and receive it humbly.
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Give it and receive it humbly.
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Look up a few verses with me, Proverbs 27, 6.
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It says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
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Profuse are the kisses of an enemy." Now my Bible says, "Profuse are the kisses of an enemy." Does anybody else, your Bible say something different there?
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What's that?
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I can't hear you, say it real loud.
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But, it just says but.
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Okay.
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Any other words for profuse?
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That's an interesting translation.
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What do you got, Taylor?
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Do you have profuse?
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Oh, we have the same translation.
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I party on.
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Anybody else have anything other than profuse?
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An enemy multiplies kisses.
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Okay, now we're getting closer to what this word means.
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Some translations might have deceitful.
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Does anybody have something that says like deceitful?
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Okay, some translations say that.
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"Multiplies kisses, deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." You know, this is the guy that just lays it on thick.
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You know, he's just, "Mmm, we have expressions for that." Right? Like, "You're just kissing up." Right? "You're just kissing up. You're just kissing up. Stop kissing up." "Oh, your hair looks so lovely today." And kissing up.
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Profuse.
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Well, do you see the contrast?
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Somebody that doesn't really love you does that.
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But somebody that really does love you will wound you on purpose.
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Like counsel, this is speaking the truth in love, but it requires much more relational equity.
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See, where counseling prevents somebody going on the wrong path, correction restores somebody that went on the wrong path.
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Where counseling encourages people to stay off the wrong path, correction helps get you off of the wrong path once you have gotten on it.
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And that's where you're going to find the difference between real friends and fake friends.
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Do you wanna know where to find the difference?
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I'm gonna give you some help here today.
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Here's what you do.
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If you're not sure if somebody's really your friend, go out to a restaurant with them.
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And when they're not looking, take a little piece of food or something and put it on the corner of the outside of your mouth.
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and then see if they say something to you.
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Because somebody that's not a true friend will not say something to you.
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They'll let that stuff hang all over your face, won't say a word to you.
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A true friend will say, "Hey, go like this." That's how you know a true friend.
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So when it says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend," You see, it might start with, hey, go like this, but a true friend's also willing to step in when they see that you are heading down a destructive path.
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You're making some bad choices.
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And if they're not willing to tell you about the stuff on your mouth, they're not gonna be willing to tell you, you're heading down a wrong path, man.
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I see you picking up some old habits that you used to do.
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And do you remember the hell that it put your family through when you went through that before?
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Don't do it, man.
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Don't do it, you're making some bad choices.
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I'm not going to let you destroy yourself.
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That's a true friend.
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When we fall into sin, when we fall into temptation, when we fall into compromise, they're willing to step in, they're willing to risk hurting your feelings.
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Excuse me.
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They're willing to risk damaging the relationship to tell you they're wrong.
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It's like removing cancer, it's very painful, but it's much better if it's suffered sooner than later.
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I love you too much to let this go.
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I love you too much to watch you hurt yourself.
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I'm not gonna do it.
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I am not going to do it.
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So if you're wondering, you know, if you have a friend that might be heading down the wrong path and you're like, well, should I say something to them?
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Well, there's a right and a wrong way to do it.
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If you have a friend that you might have to have one of these hard conversations with, you might have to have one of these hard conversations with, do these two things first.
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Jot thiss down.
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The first thing you need to do is ask, "Why do I need to say something?" The first thing you need to do is ask, "Why do I need to say something?
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Is this really an issue?
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Is this really an issue?
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Is it an issue?
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Oh no, I saw Carrie and Paul shopping at Target, and I really think they should shop at Walmart.
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I'm going to have to talk to them about that.
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You'd be surprised at non-issues that people turn into issues.
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True story, many years ago, I had some parents call me because I took a class of kids outside to play because it was such a beautiful day and we went outside to play and these parents called me.
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We need to have a meeting.
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Like, oh, why?
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I didn't know you were going outside.
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Like, we need to have a meeting about that?
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Watch out for that, that we have to have a meeting, people.
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Everything becomes an issue.
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Everything is, you know, Defcon 5, code red, maximum security alerts, everything's an issue.
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Don't be that friend.
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So, why do I need to say something?
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And then, if you realize, you know what, this is not a trivial thing, this is an issue.
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Next you need to ask, what do I need to say, how do I need to say it and when do I need to say it.
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So the first is why, then you need to do what, how, and when.
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What, how, and when.
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Be careful and measure your words.
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Sometimes this is where an email can actually help set the table for discussion, that you carefully write something out to say, hey, I want to talk to you about.
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And it gives you the opportunity to be more selective in your words to go back and edit that, really measuring what you're going to say.
37:59-38:03
So correction, give it and receive it humbly, humbly.
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And then finally for today, comfort, give it and receive it constantly.
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Turn back with me to Proverbs 17, 17.
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Comfort, give it and receive it constantly.
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A friend loves at all times.
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And a brother is born for adversity.
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So obviously we're seeing a deep, deeper, and deepest when we get to levels of relationship.
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Here's another test for you.
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If you wonder how deep your relationship is with someone, Here's how you know.
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You go to their house, what happens?
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One of three things.
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One, they offer you a drink and you accept a drink.
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That's one level of friendship, right?
38:57-39:00
They offer you a drink and you accept a drink.
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The second level of friendship is you actually go in and you ask them for a drink.
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Like, "Hey, how are you guys doing?
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Ben, do you have anything to drink?" That's the second level of friendship.
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You know what the third level is, right?
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You go in their refrigerator and you get it yourself.
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That's the third level of friendship.
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So test that.
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If you're not sure how deep of a relationship you have, I'm giving you another test to do.
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Next time you're ever at somebody's house, get in their refrigerator and see what they do.
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Just get in the refrigerator and see what they do.
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Your true friends, they won't even bat an eye.
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Like you need help finding something in there.
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We might have more stuff down in the pantry.
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You have a people that maybe you don't have as close of a relationship as you thought, they're gonna be like, "What in the world "is he doing in my refrigerator?" Just give that a try.
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Well, it's the same way scripturally.
39:59-40:10
Good friends counsel, better friends give correction, but your closest friends are the people that are there for comfort.
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Actually, in the original Hebrew, the phrase at all times is actually at the front of this verse, grammatically for emphasis.
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So if you would read this in Hebrew, it says, "At all times, a friend loves." The people who stick around and comfort you in the worst of times, those are the true friends.
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You're going to find that when you have much to give, You have many people around, but when you're in need to receive, the number of people goes down, but the quality goes up.
40:49-41:02
The deepest level of friendship, honestly, when you look at friends at this level, the friends who are giving and receiving constant comfort, you do realize that 97% is just being there.
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You know that?
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Your friend doesn't need you to say the magic words.
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Your friend doesn't need you to show up with the perfect sermon to walk them through this hard times.
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It's just letting someone know you have their back, right?
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Doesn't that make all the difference?
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Just somebody being there, he's got my back.
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He's got my back, that makes all the difference.
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That friend that comes and says, "We're not going to give up.
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Things are hard, but we're going to do this.
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And if this ship's going down, I'm going down with you.
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And as many of you know, we went through a rough season last fall here at Harvest Bible Chapel.
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We had some, we had quite a few families leave.
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Some of it was just for vocation reasons, some of it was family reasons, and for some, it was over some issues.
41:58-42:01
And when those things happen, they take an effect on the preacher.
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But when all of those things kind of happen at once, it has a huge effect on the preacher.
42:08-42:11
It all seemed to be coming to a head all about the same time.
42:13-42:38
And I'll never forget Darren saying, "Jeff," he said, "I know things are rough right now." He said, "I don't care if this church turns "into Harvest Bible Chapel Miller, "and I get up and lead worship all by myself, "and you get up and preach, and I'm the only person there listening, he says, "We're going to do this." Now, how encouraged do you think I was after that little talk?
42:40-42:43
Like Harvest Bible Chapel Miller sounds nice.
42:46-42:50
And obviously, we both want more for the church than that, don't we?
42:50-42:51
We both want more for the church than that.
42:52-42:54
But do you realize what that sentiment meant to me?
42:55-42:56
To say, "Look, man, I got your back.
42:57-43:02
Yeah, you got all kinds of people leaving and people are upset and people even not upset.
43:02-43:05
And it looks like, is this church just unraveling?
43:05-43:06
But he's like, I'm not going anywhere.
43:08-43:28
And I'll tell you what, that sort of encouragement gives you the strength to get through a whole lot more Sundays when you know that you have people that say, if I'm going to leave the church, it's going to take somebody strapping dynamite to my face and blowing me out of the church.
43:30-43:31
Other than that, I'm not leaving.
43:33-43:35
Preachers wrestle with that kind of stuff.
43:36-43:37
You find who your friends are.
43:40-43:45
So this stuff sounds great, but where can I get a friend like that?
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How can I be a friend like that?
43:49-43:51
I just want to encourage you as we close.
43:54-43:56
You know, we are not interested here in playing church.
43:57-43:58
We're not interested in playing church.
43:59-44:00
We wanna be the church.
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And being the church means that we're going to cultivate loving relationships, transparent, encouraging, bearing each other's burdens relationships.
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And that's why you've heard us say it so many times and we're going to say it again.
44:19-44:24
We want everybody that calls this church their home church to be involved in a small group.
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Small groups is not just a fad.
44:32-44:38
Like, you know, vacation Bible school bus ministry or something that we did in the 70s.
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It's not a fad.
44:40-44:43
It's not "What would Jesus do?" bracelets fads.
44:43-44:45
It's not that at all.
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It's not a gimmick.
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Actually, it's very biblical.
44:52-44:58
It's how people in the first century met in each other's houses, pouring into each other's lives.
45:00-45:03
And church, you have to have people to do life with.
45:06-45:13
You have to have people that you can pour into and that you will allow to pour into you.
45:13-45:26
That's why, you know, in your bulletin under "Walk for Christ" you're going to see there's an email where you can email smallgroups@harvestpittsburgnorth.org and that'll get you in contact with Justin and Michelle Katie.
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Justin, wave hi to everybody.
45:28-45:29
See handsome Justin back there?
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I'm a member of his Mutual Admiration Society.
45:37-45:40
Justin would love to get you plugged into a small group.
45:43-45:45
Email him, come and see me.
45:47-45:54
It's just so important as we talk about friendships, we wanna cultivate that.
45:54-46:02
We wanna be a place where we don't just talk about God.
46:03-46:11
We don't just talk about God's word and we don't just talk about loving people the way Jesus Christ told us to love people.
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We wanna be a place where that happens.
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And Harvest Bible Chapel is a church of small groups.
46:18-46:25
So if you're not yet plugged in, send an email, talk to Justin, talk to myself.
46:28-46:29
I know I love our small group.
46:31-46:38
And what a blessing it has been and what growth I've seen in my own life just from being part of my own small group.
46:40-46:41
Get on board with us.
46:42-47:04
So if our worship team would come forward in just a moment, we're going to be remembering the ultimate friendship because our primary friendship is to the one who makes it all possible.
47:08-47:12
And our greatest need is for a friendship that transcends the world.
47:14-47:18
You know, today we've been talking about counsel and correction and comfort.
47:20-47:22
You know, Jesus Christ provides all of those.
47:23-47:25
He provides the counsel of His Word.
47:28-47:32
He actually wrote it down for us so that we would know.
47:32-47:33
He's given us the counsel of His Word.
47:34-47:36
He's also given us the correction of His love.
47:39-47:46
He's given us comfort by giving us a comforter, His Holy Spirit who lives within us.
47:46-47:50
He's promised to never leave us or forsake us, Hebrews 13, five.
47:51-47:56
He's promised that He would be with us until the end of the age, Matthew 28, 20.
47:58-48:00
And I want you to hear what Jesus said about friendship.
48:01-48:03
This is from John chapter 15.
48:07-48:16
Jesus said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
48:18-48:31
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." You are my friends.
48:33-48:34
if you do what I command you.
48:35-48:56
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends for all that I've heard from my father I have made known to you." Jesus Christ is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.
48:57-49:00
Jesus Christ is the friend who knows us at our very worst.
49:00-49:01
Do you know that?
49:03-49:12
the worst secret dark places about you, the things in your heart that you would be ashamed for people to know, Jesus Christ knows those things.
49:13-49:16
And He loves you with an infinite love anyways.
49:17-49:18
Isn't that awesome?
49:19-49:23
So if our ushers would come forward, we are going to receive the Lord's supper.
49:25-49:31
And I would like to remind you as always, you don't have to be a member of Harvest Bible Chapel to receive communion.
49:33-49:36
But you do have to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.
49:36-49:40
You have had to receive him as your Lord and Savior.
49:43-49:49
And if that's true, if that's your case, he invites you to take the Lord's Supper.
Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 18:24
How do you approach a friend when you need counsel? (Proverbs 27:9)
Have you ever suffered the loss of a friendship because you told them they were wrong about something they said, did, are doing? How do you respond to correction? (Proverbs 27:6)
Who is a friend that comforts you? Share with the group how that friend comforts you, or even a specific time that friend brought comfort. (Proverbs 17:17)
Breakout Questions:
Pray for one another.