- Should I have unbelieving friends?
- When is it wise to associate with non-Christians?
Case Study #1 Ruth and Naomi Leading Towards the Lord (Ruth 1)
Case Study #2 Lot and Sodom Leading Away from the Lord (Genesis 13-19)
- Unwise friendships first Disarm you (Prov 22:24-25)
- Unwise friendships ultimately Destroy you (Prov 22:21-22)
Case Study #3
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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Amen. Before we look at Proverbs, I do want to say that, you know, in John chapter 15 and verse 13, Jesus said, "The greater love has no man than this, that he would," what?
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"lay down his life for his friends." Jesus was talking about the sacrifice that he was going to make on the cross, and honestly it's hard not to think of that verse as we approach Memorial Day and we think back to the people who were willing to lay down their lives and obviously nobody's life being laid down can compare to the sacrifice that Jesus Christ has made. But Jesus shared a principle with us that that is the ultimate expression of love to be willing to lay your life down and we certainly want to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day and encourage people to remember the purpose for which we celebrate that day in our country. Amen. All right, Proverbs 1320, speaking of friends, we're concluding our series this week on the joy of committed relationships. And the title of this message is "Committed to my Friends" Wisdom in my friendships. Proverbs 13 20 says this, and keep your Bible handy, we're going to be flipping around to a couple places here today, but Proverbs 13 20 says this, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.
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I especially want to speak to the younger people here, young adults. Young adults, are you listening?
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look up here young adults. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. Young adults keep looking up here. Old adults too, but young adults. The companion of fools will suffer harm. To paraphrase, jot this down, we become like those with whom we spend time. True or false?
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We become like those whom we spend time.
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And right now I know there's some young people, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, I don't really think that's true." - No.
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Brooke, how about exhibit A?
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I just did a search on gangs, and this is a biker gang, obviously, if you notice the BMX bikes here.
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That's actually my old gang, believe it or not.
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We become like those with whom we spend time.
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Exhibit B. This is my favorite, the matching track suits.
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All right, if you're going to make a statement about what a tough gang you are, get your matching Adidas track suits and put your hoods up.
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Exhibit C. We become like those with whom we spend time.
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Actually, I was wrong.
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This was my former gang right here.
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We become like those with whom we spend time.
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Do we have exhibit D?
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All right, this is like elementary school gang.
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We become like those with whom we spend time.
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I don't even know, are those like gang symbols?
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But I guarantee you one thing, these are a group of kids that would refer to themselves as being nonconformists.
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Nobody tells us what to do.
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Nobody tells us how to dress.
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Oh, really?
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Which is why you all look like each other, right?
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Is that what you're saying?
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Nobody tells you what to do except your friends, and you have to dress exactly like them.
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But here's the problem a lot of times with these nonconformists is eventually-- look at exhibit-- what are we on?
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E here?
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No, there's, oh, wait a minute, I forgot this one.
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Yeah, this is another biker gang.
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Their hoods are just pulled too tight.
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I like that picture.
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Okay, but the problem with these people sometimes is this is where their nonconformity ends up.
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Let's look at the last one, bro.
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That is the last one?
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Oh, there was another sweet picture of a gang that it must not have made the cut.
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I must have cut and pasted that wrong.
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But we'll talk about that in a bit.
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But honestly, I just Googled some pictures of gangs, and image after image after image after image came up like those ones.
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We become like those with whom we spend time.
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Your godly friendships are going to help you to be more and more like Jesus Christ.
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That's what we talked about last week.
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In your friendships, you should be counseling and correcting and comforting one another.
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ungodly friendships, according to the Proverbs, ungodly friendships, you will get hurt.
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You will get hurt.
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You can tell a lot about people by their closest friends.
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You just can't.
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If you brought to me the group of your closest friends and I was able to sit down and have coffee with them At the end of that, I'd be able to tell a lot about you because of the people that you would consider your closest friends.
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If I was to sit in on your small group, and you're like, "These are my closest friends.
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"These are people who are seeking the Lord.
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"These are people that are growing "in the knowledge of God's word," that would tell me something about you.
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But if your closest friends are a group of knuckleheads, that tells me something about you too.
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Chances are you're a knucklehead.
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So here's the question that we're going to ask today.
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This is it.
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Because a lot of Christians get-- they stumble up on this.
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They have different convictions about this.
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But here's the question on your outline.
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should I have unbelieving friends?
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Should I have unbelieving friends?
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I mean, you saw what Proverbs said.
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Proverbs says, you know, "If I walk with the wise, I become wise, "but the companion of fools suffers harm." So should I have unbelieving friends?
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I'm sure we'd get a lot of different answers to that question if we surveyed people in this room, even.
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I just wanna discuss it biblically.
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Some would say, "Well, look, Pastor Jeff, it says right here, don't have unbelieving friends. I'd like to remind you that the book of Proverbs is not a book of laws. The book of Proverbs is a book of wisdom, right? Proverbs warns us of the dangers of close associations with godless people. So should I have non-christian friends? The answer is definitely yes, you should.
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The Great Commission, Matthew 28 verse 19, Jesus said to go where? Go into all the nations. Going to all the nations. Oh and speaking of Jesus, what were the things that Jesus was constantly being accused of, insulted for, persecuted for?
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There are a couple major things when you read through the Gospels people were always on Jesus' case about. One of them is healing on the Sabbath, right? You know, you heal on the Sabbath and... You know what the other one is? He eats with sinners." Did you ever notice that? Jesus is hanging out with tax collectors. Can you believe Jesus is sitting down at a table with prostitutes? In fact, in the book of Luke, chapter 15, Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son. He told that story in response to the holy rollers of his day criticizing the fact that he would sit down and eat with sinners.
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I'd like to encourage you that evangelism has to happen naturally.
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Evangelism has to happen naturally.
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What's the fourth pillar of Harvest Bible Chapel?
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Sharing the good news of Jesus with boldness.
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Evangelism has to happen naturally.
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It happens mostly through friendships when you have the opportunity to first show the love of Christ and ultimately have the opportunity to share the gospel of Christ.
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It has to happen naturally.
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And look, don't mishear me.
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I'm all for people handing out gospel tracts and preaching on street corners and those kinds of things.
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that's great. But the most effective evangelism happens naturally through the relationships that God has already put in your path. I had a rough couple of days this week. I got a I recall it was Thursday that a good friend of mine had passed away after heart surgery.
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It's kind of an unusual story, the relationship, and if you're visiting with us, don't be shocked, but I was a professional wrestler for seven years.
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And the one organization where I broke in where I trained, there was a guy there, his name was Bud.
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He was Bud the referee, but Bud wasn't just a referee.
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Bud pulled the trailer, and Bud set up the ring, and Bud repaired the ring, and Bud, he was just, you know people like that?
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He just did everything.
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And Bud had some heart problems, and the running joke with the guys was, Bud's never gonna die.
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I mean, this was a guy that, you know, He'd have heart surgery and unhook himself and walk out of the hospital and then like walk across town because the ring needed fixed or something like that.
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But he had heart surgery this past week and due to some complications, he didn't make it.
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And last night I spent an hour and 49 minutes on the phone with a friend of mine who owns the wrestling organization sharing the gospel with him.
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And the reason I'm sharing that story with you is this.
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Here's a guy that, in another scenario, I'd never have the opportunity to talk to him for almost two hours about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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If I just went up to this guy cold and said, "Hi, pleased to meet you.
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Can I talk to you about the gospel of Jesus Christ for two hours?" Is that going to happen?
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But through the relationship that's been nurtured and through the friendship and through the years of, "He knows that I care about him, and he knows where I stand." God opened that door of opportunity to share the gospel with him.
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And that's how evangelism has to happen.
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I think we all sometimes feel the tension.
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We can't be Amish in the sense of we just withdraw from the world entirely.
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But you're like, "Well, hang on a second, Pastor Jeff, but we can't ignore the warning of Proverbs, right?
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The companion of fools will suffer harm.
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So what do we do?
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What do we do?" Well, the next question on your outline, "When is it wise to associate with non-Christians?" Each situation really has to be evaluated on its own merits.
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I want you to write this question down because here's the way you need to evaluate your relationships.
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Am I drawing them closer to God or are they drawing me further away from God?
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Write that down.
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And that's how you should evaluate your relationships.
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Am I drawing them closer to God, or are they drawing me further away from God?
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That is where you need to apply wisdom in your relationships.
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I can't answer that question for you.
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I can't.
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It's not my job.
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If you come to me like, "Pastor Jeff, I have this pagan co-worker.
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Should I be their friend?" Are you drawing them closer to God or are they drawing you further away from God?
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Well, here's a couple of case studies.
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Case study number one, let's talk about Ruth and Naomi leading towards the Lord.
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Leading towards the Lord.
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Do you know the story about Ruth and Naomi?
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In the book of Ruth it begins with some tragic events.
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Israel suffers a famine.
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Naomi and her husband and her two sons move to the pagan region of Moab to find food.
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While Naomi's husband dies and her sons marry Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth.
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Well, before the famine is over, Naomi's sons die.
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And Orpah and Ruth choose to live with Naomi.
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So do you see this picture?
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Here you have Naomi married, moves with her sons, and her husband dies, and then her sons die, and it's just her and her two daughters-in-law.
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Once the famine is over, Naomi decides to go back to Israel, and Orpah and Ruth start to go with her, and on the way Naomi just tells them to turn around and return to Moab.
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Well Orpah returns, but Ruth pleads to stay with Naomi.
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She professes some level of faith and offers Naomi an unending friendship.
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Well when they get to Israel, Ruth gathers food for Naomi and Naomi helps Ruth find a husband.
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So in case study number one, was this a wise association or a foolish association for Naomi to befriend Ruth?
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Wise or unwise?
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It was wise, wasn't it?
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Because Naomi ultimately led Ruth to God.
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At no point in the story do we see Ruth leading Naomi away from God.
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If so, Naomi would have had to probably reconsider the friendship.
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Well, here's case study number two.
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Let's talk about Lot and Sodom, or leading away from the Lord.
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Now you know the story of Lot, right, back in Genesis chapter 13.
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Lot actually was living with Abram, who we know as Abraham, who's Lot's uncle.
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Well, in Genesis 13, you remember the story?
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Like Abraham and Lot, they had so many herds and so much property and so many tents, and their wealth became too big to be supported by the land, and all the herdsmen started fighting over grazing land.
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So Abraham, or Abram, offered the solution.
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He goes, "All right, look, this is just not happening here.
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We're getting too big to be sharing the space.
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So look, you pick.
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You pick.
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You go over there, I'm going to go over here.
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You go over here, I'm going to go over there.
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You go this way, I'm going that way.
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Abraham says, "I'm going to give you first pick, and I'll go where you don't go." Well, Lot chose to live outside of Canaan and near Sodom simply because it looked appealing.
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Abraham went to Canaan, and Lot separated himself from the covenant people.
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He knew the promises that God had made to Abraham, but he chose to live in Sodom.
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In the New Testament terms, you could say that Lot chose the world instead of the church.
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But jot these references down.
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We're not going to turn to all of them, but I want you to see this.
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Jot these references down.
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These are all from Genesis.
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Genesis 13, 12 says that Lot started out near Sodom.
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And then when you get to Genesis 14, 12, it says that Lot was living in Sodom.
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And then when you get to Genesis 19 and verse 1, Lot was actually sitting in the gateway of Sodom.
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Do you see the progression here?
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We're close and now we're in.
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And now we're not just in, we're sitting where the men hang out.
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We're immersing ourselves in the culture.
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And when you get to 1914, you see that his daughters were pledged to be married to people from Sodom.
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Lot made a series of sinful decisions.
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The saddest one is in Genesis 19, 8, even offering up his daughters to be raped by a gang of men who were wanting to rape who they thought were men but were actually angels.
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Now if you would have pulled Lot aside before he moved close to Sodom and said, "Lot, I think this is a bad idea, buddy.
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Wicked people there.
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And if you go there, you might end up doing something crazy like offering your daughters to be raped." Could you imagine?
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At that point Lot would have said, "There is no way I'd do something like that to my own daughters." But what we see in Lot's life is a little compromise, a little compromise, a little compromise, a little compromise, and then all of a sudden Lot's like, "How did I get over here?" Listen young people, especially, that story is played out over and over and over again.
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A little compromise here and a little compromise there, all of a sudden you're in a place you never imagined that you would be.
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And nobody gets there in one step or in one day.
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It's a series of progressions, a series of bad decisions take you to a place that you never imagined you'd be.
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Unwise friendships have a really bad one-two punch.
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Jot these down.
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Number one on your outline, underneath case study two.
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First of all, unwise friendships, the first thing they do is disarm you.
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disarm you. Getting back to Proverbs, look at Proverbs 22 with me please, verses 24 through 25. First thing is unwise friendships, they disarm you. Proverbs 22 gives this warning, Verse 24, "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare." Sin is so predictable.
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It is so predictable.
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first thing that happens, your view of sin gets clouded.
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And the thoughts of what is true and God honoring and what is right, those thoughts get muddled.
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All of a sudden, you start looking around, you know, it's not so bad.
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This isn't so bad.
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It's not so bad.
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My parents were just being, you know, old-fashioned, square, out of touch, whatever the word is now.
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That's not so bad.
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But we are impressionable as people, true or false.
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Children, we obviously see it.
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We obviously see it in children.
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But even adults mimic people without realizing it.
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Think of the things that you joke about, your conversations, your habits.
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These things seem to happen naturally.
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According to Proverbs, it almost sounds like you're catching a disease.
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Just by hanging out with these people, you start to act like them.
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Or again, to put it in New Testament terms, you know, Ephesians 6 tells us to put on the armor of God.
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But you know, when we start taking the armor off bit by bit, we leave ourselves naked and vulnerable.
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Unwise friendships are like that.
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First thing they do is disarm you.
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And look over at chapter 24 and verse 21, because unwise friendships can ultimately destroy you.
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And that's where he says, "My son, fear the Lord and the King, and do not join with those who do otherwise.
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For disaster will arise suddenly from them, and who knows the ruin that will come from both. Unwise friendships can ultimately destroy you. And you're like, "Well, if this is what the Bible says, Pastor Jeff, how can I know that I'm in a friendship that might be bad news?" Well, here it is. I'll jot this down. Watch out for the friendship that would tempt you to rebel against authority.
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It's an objective test.
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Is this friendship, is this relationship, is it tempting me, first of all, to rebel against my parents, young people?
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Are these friends telling me to do something that my parents wouldn't want me to do?
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That's a sign of a bad friendship.
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Is this friendship tempting me to get involved in something that's immoral, as in violating God's code?
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That's a friendship that's bad news.
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Is this friendship tempting me to do something that's illegal?
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Notice he says, "Fear the Lord and the King." If your friends are doing something illegal, you're in a bad friendship.
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And the consequences will catch up with you.
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They will.
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They'll catch up with you.
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As many of you know, I ran a prison ministry for 10 years.
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And over those 10 years, I've met a lot of inmates, a lot of different types of crimes, different lengths of sentences and different ages.
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But you know, there was one common denominator amongst almost every one of those inmates.
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Actually, two common denominators amongst every one of those inmates.
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One is this, none of them ever thought they'd be in jail.
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Right?
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You think, oh, jail, that's where the really bad people go.
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Now, you break the law, you go to jail.
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And every single one of them were surprised to find themselves in jail.
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But here's another common denominator.
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When you talk to the guys about how they got in trouble-- and I never just came out like, hey, what are you in for?
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Never did that.
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But a lot of times, they'd want to talk, like, tell me your story.
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You're never going to believe what the common denominator is in every single one of those stories.
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I was with some buddies, who, then you can insert here, drinking, drugs, stealing, you know, insert whatever thing you want, but it always started with, I was with some buddies who.
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And being in there, being in prison 10 years, I saw people, you know, in cycles, they'd get out of prison and then they'd end up right back in prison.
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"Man, I thought you got out." I'm telling you, 99.9% of the time they would say, "Well, I did, but then I ran into some old buddies." Who? And I'm like, "You know, you can just stop right there. I know how the rest of the story goes." Do not join with those who do otherwise, for disaster will arise suddenly from them, and And who knows the ruin that will come from them both?
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Every story started with a friend.
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Interestingly as we talk about all things friendship and Ruth and Lot, do you know how Ruth and Lot are connected?
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Lot's descendants eventually became the Moabites.
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It was hundreds of years later that a Moabite woman named Ruth went to Israel with her mother-in-law, Naomi.
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Eventually she married Boaz, had kids, and she had a son who became part of a bloodline of David and eventually Jesus Christ. My point is this, you know, God's redemptive plan here came full circle. He is at work to fulfill his plans. But as I close, I want us to look at case study number three. Who is case study number three?
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Well, case study number three is me.
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And it's you.
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And it's anyone in this room who has received Jesus Christ.
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Now, how many people, show of hands, how many people in this room came to Christ as a result of a friendship?
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Raise your hands, raise them high.
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Keep 'em up.
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Now, when I say as a result of a friendship, I mean a friend shared the gospel with you, or a friend invited you to church, or something like that.
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Okay, look around.
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Look around.
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This is what we're talking about when we talk about redemptive friendships.
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Very few people, okay you can put your hands down, my point is this, very few people come to Christ because they stumbled into a church.
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Has that happened?
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Yeah, it has.
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I've talked to people that were like, literally, "I was walking down the street and saw your sign up and came in and received Christ. That happens. That is rare. What's more common is someone shared the gospel with you, invited you to a church, an outreach event, etc. and you should see your friends as a Ruth and bring them along.
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When people see Christ in you, when people hunger for what you have, you need to bring them along. Invite them to come worship with us here. Invite them to a core group meeting at Harvest Bible Chapel, Pittsburgh East. Bring them along.
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Many of your friends are just waiting for an invitation to church. Do you know that? Do you know how many of your friends would come just simply because you're saying, "I would love for you to come to our church some Sunday." That's all some people are waiting. They're not going to come after you and say, "Hey, hey, hey, you ever going to invite me to church?" They're waiting for you. Bring them along.
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So the question is, should we have unbelieving friends? My answer is, you must have friendships outside the church. You must. Jesus said, "We're salt and light. To who? Our holy huddle? No, to the unbelieving world. But here's another must. You must evaluate those associations differently, carefully, and often. God knows the risks and he still calls us to reach out, doesn't he? I'd believer, you too were once an enemy of God." That's something I have to constantly remind myself.
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We encounter people that we're like, "Oh, she's never going to get it.
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Oh, that guy's never going to come to the Lord.
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Oh, he's so far from God, he's never going to get it." You know, the Lord always gently reminds me, like, "Jeff, that was you.
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People used to look at you and say that.
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That guy's not going to get it.
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That guy is never going to come to the Lord.
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So Jesus Christ through people reached out to us with love and grace and compassion.
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And now he says we are his ambassadors.
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Jesus is still working through each of us.
33:00-33:03
He is saying reach out, but use wisdom.
33:05-33:05
Let's pray.
Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 13:20
Proverbs 22:24-25 tells us that we become like those with whom we spend time. Why do you think this happens? That is, why do we naturally start to act like the people we are around?
If you realize a friendship is harmful (rebellion against God or “king”), how do you go about getting out of harm’s way? (Proverbs 13:20) Do you dissolve the friendship, spend less time with the friend...? How do you “break that off”?
What specifically would you do as a parent if you discovered your late adolescent or teen child had an unwise friendship (causing them to rebel, etc)?
How can you ensure that you are leading a person to the Lord instead of them leading you away from the Lord? How do you know who is influencing who?
Breakout Questions:
Do you have any friendships that have a negative effect on your walk with Christ? What are you going to do about it in light of the Word of God?
Pray for one another.