Forgiven People Forgive, and I Want to Forgive

1. I want to forgive because I live Debt-free (Phm 1:19)


2. I want to forgive because it Blesses others. (Phm 1:20-21)


3. I want to forgive because I will be held Accountable. (Phm 1:22-24)


4. I want to forgive because that is what Christ. (Phm 1:25)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
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• Audio Transcript

  00:00-00:09

  Look at Philemon with me, chapter 1, and we're going to be picking up in verse 19.

  00:09-00:11

  You were in chapter 2, weren't you?

  00:16-00:26

  Look at verse 19, Paul says, "I, Paul, write this with my own hand." A lot of times in Paul's letter, he had somebody else write.

  00:26-00:29

  he would sort of dictate and he'd have somebody else do the writing for him.

  00:33-00:42

  But Paul here is saying, "Philemon, I'm writing this." And you sense the personal touch here, right?

  00:43-00:50

  There's a difference between getting a typed form letter in the mail and a handwritten card in the mail, isn't there?

  00:50-00:51

  Isn't there a difference?

  00:52-00:54

  That's what Paul's saying here, like, "I'm writing this.

  00:55-00:56

  I'll write this with my own hand.

  00:57-00:58

  I will repay it.

  00:59-01:10

  That piggybacks off of verse 18, a verse that most scholars believe is teaching that it looks as if Onesimus, when he ran away from Philemon, he stole some money.

  01:12-01:13

  And here Paul is saying, "Does he owe you money?

  01:15-01:15

  I'll pay you back.

  01:16-01:16

  Okay?

  01:17-01:23

  I'll pay you back." To say nothing of your owing me, even your own self.

  01:24-01:31

  Whoa. To say nothing of your owing me, even your own self.

  01:33-01:34

  So here's where we're going today.

  01:35-01:37

  Earlier, you told me you don't want to forgive.

  01:38-01:39

  And I said, yeah, you do.

  01:40-01:41

  And here's why.

  01:41-01:43

  Number one, I want to forgive because I live debt free.

  01:45-01:47

  Because I live debt free.

  01:49-01:55

  Verse 19, we see that Onesimus owed Philemon a material debt.

  01:57-02:13

  And Paul says to Philemon, "You owe me a spiritual debt." Onesimus owed Philemon a temporal debt, and Paul says, "Hey, Philemon, you owe me an eternal debt.

  02:14-02:15

  You owe me your life.

  02:15-02:25

  What's he talking about?" Well, Paul, through ministering the gospel, was pouring into Philemon, and Philemon probably came to Christ through Paul's ministry.

  02:28-02:37

  So Paul says, "If owing somebody something is still the issue on the table, Philemon, I want to remind you of something.

  02:40-02:50

  You owe me your very life." So if we're playing the you owe me game, you might wanna check yourself on that.

  02:52-02:53

  By the way, that is the world's way, right?

  02:54-02:58

  You owe me, you owe me, you owe me.

  03:00-03:11

  And without getting all political, we have never seen the sense of entitlement in our country that we see today, true or false?

  03:13-05:37

  true. The sense of entitlement right now is just appalling. That it's at the point that we expect the government to hand over things to us, which by the way, show me biblically where it's the government's job to reward irresponsibility. That's another sermon. But now the people that do work and innovate and earn are looked that as the villains. How dare you? But this sense of entitlement mentality, "You owe me, you owe me, you owe me, I don't need to work, the government will pay my bills, I don't need to pay my student loans, we'll get the government to do that, I don't need to pay for the house that I bought beyond my means, the government will bail me out." Well, this "you owe me" philosophy is not going to work in our country. It's not going to work financially in our country, but it's not going to work spiritually in the church either. And this is what Paul was reminding Philemon of. As Philemon was, you know, as Paul was anticipating the the argument that Philemon would have, "But Onesimus owes me, he owes me, he owes me, he owes me," and Paul's like, "Really? Let's talk about owing people stuff. Do we live that way?" Well, the truth is, church, we live in a culture of debt. I want you to think about that in the church. There's a sense in which you could say you owe something to everyone. To the people who give time and money and talents, there's a sense in which you could say we owe those people. I think of our worship team up here, you know, Sammy and Laura and Darren and Jay, I look at these people up here and say, "You know what? I owe them something." Because they have invested time and money and resources and talent and energy into facilitating a time where I can come and worship the Lord thanks to them. So there's a sense in which I sort of owe them something, and so do you, by the way.

  05:41-06:52

  To the people that pour into you, the leadership, your small group leader, and If we're gonna start collecting debts, I want you to think of the one that you owe me. So we don't live in a culture of debt, listen church, we live in a culture of grace. We live in a culture of grace, and we do what we do for Jesus Christ, not to repay people. You understand that? We don't do what we do here because I owe I'm gonna do this. Okay, now I owe you one, so I'm gonna do this." We live in a culture of grace. We do what we do because of Jesus Christ, for Jesus Christ, and empowered by Jesus Christ. Amen? So Ken Frederick comes up to me and he says, "You know what, Jeff? I'm going to redo the lobby for you." And my answer is, "No, No you're not.

  06:54-07:04

  So what, like if I drop over dead this afternoon, Ken's like, "I'm not going to redo the lobby now." You're not doing it for me, you're doing it for Jesus Christ.

  07:07-07:12

  Or somebody coming to visit today says, "You know what, this seems like a nice thing, Jeff, I'm going to give you some money." No you're not.

  07:15-07:16

  You're not doing it for me.

  07:19-07:24

  This is for the work of Christ, and it's because of Christ, and for Christ, and empowered by Christ.

  07:25-07:26

  We live in a culture of grace.

  07:30-07:35

  I've invested the Word of God into you, so how could you pay me back for that?

  07:35-07:36

  Think about that.

  07:37-07:38

  What do I invest into you?

  07:39-07:48

  Every week, by God's grace, and under God's authority, by God's authority, I stand up and say, "This is what the God of the universe has said." Do you know what God thinks?

  07:49-07:50

  Do you know what God's saying to his church?

  07:50-07:52

  Do you know what God's calling to his people?

  07:53-07:54

  This is it.

  07:55-07:56

  How could you pay me back for that?

  07:57-08:07

  Like I baked you a banana nut loaf because you shared the eternal word of the sovereign holy God with me, but it's really good banana nut loaf.

  08:07-08:16

  And I just, look, give me some banana bread, but it's not because you owe me anything, right?

  08:17-08:20

  We don't live in that mentality, and that's what Paul's saying here.

  08:22-08:23

  We don't live that way, Philemon.

  08:23-08:24

  You shouldn't live that way.

  08:25-08:28

  Grace keeps our focus where it needs to be.

  08:30-08:33

  So I wanna forgive because I live debt-free.

  08:34-08:35

  I live debt-free.

  08:38-08:40

  Secondly, I wanna forgive because it blesses others.

  08:42-08:44

  I wanna forgive because it blesses others.

  08:45-08:47

  Look at verse 20 and 21 with me.

  08:49-08:54

  Paul says, "Yes, brother, "I want some benefit from you in the Lord.

  08:56-08:58

  "Refresh my heart in Christ.

  09:00-09:18

  "Confident of your obedience, I write to you knowing "that you will do even more than I say." Interestingly, excuse me, this word for benefit, The Greek word for benefit is the same word from which we get the name Onesimus.

  09:19-09:21

  So that's like twice in the book of Philemon.

  09:21-09:23

  Paul's doing these little word games here.

  09:24-09:30

  Quite the wordsmith the apostle Paul, playing games with Onesimus, which means useful.

  09:30-09:39

  And here he says, "I want to get some benefit from you, some anonymi from you," where we get Onesimus.

  09:41-09:48

  I thought about that, you know, what did the Apostle Paul have to gain by Philemon forgiving Onesimus?

  09:48-09:49

  What did he have to gain from that?

  09:51-09:59

  There's a sense in which you could say, Paul could have said to him, "You can forgive him or not forgive him, that doesn't matter to me.

  09:59-09:59

  You know what?

  10:01-10:04

  You forgive Philemon, I'm going to wake up in jail tomorrow again anyways.

  10:05-10:08

  You don't forgive him, I wake up in jail again tomorrow anyways.

  10:10-10:11

  It doesn't matter to me.

  10:13-10:17

  You know what, I'm still going to maybe probably eat tomorrow, the sun's still going to come up.

  10:21-10:27

  You can forgive him or not forgive him, makes no difference to me, but Paul certainly didn't seem to have that sense, did he?

  10:31-10:47

  He says, "Refresh my heart in Christ." There's a sense in which the Apostle Paul was going to reap some sort of personal benefit from Philemon forgiving Ernestus?

  10:48-10:49

  What's that all about?

  10:50-10:51

  Do you know what that's all about?

  10:54-10:59

  One time when I was at the gym a few years ago, it wasn't the last time I was at the gym.

  11:02-11:03

  I know some of you were thinking that.

  11:05-11:29

  So I'm at the gym and I'm at this machine doing these tricep pulldowns and it was right beside the soda machine, I know, it was a gym that had a soda machine, and there's a TV on top of it so I'm doing these tricep pulldowns and I'm just like me and one of our worship leaders sort of have this in common, when there's a TV on we get very distracted.

  11:30-12:48

  kind of watching this TV and doing these tricep pulldowns when all of the sudden on my way down the cable snaps. Right? And my hands hit this other bar that was on the machine full force with that cable snapping. Well one finger really took the blow. Which one was it? It was a while ago. I think it was this one. Really turned like green. And as much as I'd hoped that the fingernail was not going to fall off, it did. So I go to the hospital. Well, I was just being Mr. Macho about it. I'm like, "It's fine, it's fine." Meanwhile, it was like the size of a can of Loop. I'm like, "It's fine." Aaron's like, "You're going to the hospital." Fine. So I go the hospital and they admit me into the emergency room and I go in and the nurse goes, "Let me see that." She's like, "Yeah, we're gonna have to put a hole in that nail." And I'm like, true story, is it gonna hurt?

  12:54-13:23

  Much like it hurt when I fell off the turnip truck. But I'm like, "Is it gonna hurt. She grabs my arm and sort of puts my arm in this headlock thing and she's like yeah it's gonna hurt and pulls out this pen looking thing that has a red hot poker on the end. You medical people, you know I'm talking about? Have you ever seen this thing? How many people know what I'm talking about? This little pen thing that, okay the tip turns orange and she's like and you know Butler Armstrong in Allegheny County heard me yell?

  13:25-13:28

  Well my point in all of this is simply this.

  13:29-13:37

  When I mashed my finger on that machine, there was only one thing I could think about.

  13:40-13:41

  Guess what it was?

  13:42-13:45

  It was that giant nasty green throbbing finger.

  13:45-13:46

  I could not think of anything.

  13:47-13:58

  I wasn't thinking of asthma issues or allergy issues or, oh, I could use a haircut or, you know, do these shorts match this shirt or...

  13:58-13:59

  I was only thinking about one thing.

  14:01-14:12

  And even at the time when it happened, I remember being at the Cub's all just walking around like, "Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow." And people would come in and just want to talk to me, "Hey, Jeff, what are you up to?" Like, "Nothing." And they didn't...

  14:12-14:13

  They had no idea what was going on.

  14:14-14:15

  They're like, "What do you think about these penguins?

  14:15-14:22

  Are they going to turn it around?" and I'm like, "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know." I couldn't think about anything else, why?

  14:23-14:29

  You know the Bible says when one part of the body is suffering, what?

  14:30-14:31

  The whole body's suffering.

  14:33-14:35

  When one part rejoices, the whole body rejoices.

  14:38-14:43

  But the point is this, at that point in my life, my whole body was one giant finger.

  14:46-14:51

  And there was a sense in which my whole body was hurting through the finger.

  14:54-14:55

  And so it goes in the church.

  14:56-15:01

  Honoring Jesus Christ never just blesses the one doing it, or even just the direct recipient.

  15:06-15:08

  There's a benefit that comes to the whole body.

  15:10-15:18

  And you know how it is when there are pockets of problems in the church and these people don't like these people and this guy's mad at this guy.

  15:18-15:20

  It weighs on the leadership.

  15:21-15:25

  I guarantee you the leadership isn't going home thinking, "Well, that's their problem.

  15:26-15:28

  Hopefully they'll get it figured out." It weighs.

  15:29-15:31

  It weighs down on you.

  15:32-15:34

  So your forgiveness is going to bless the whole church.

  15:35-15:39

  The whole church is either hurting with your unforgiveness or is being blessed by your forgiveness.

  15:40-15:41

  Which do you want to do?

  15:43-15:44

  Like, "I don't want to forgive." Yeah, you do.

  15:46-15:47

  You want to live debt-free, don't you?

  15:48-15:50

  You want to bless others, don't you?

  15:50-15:54

  Well, thirdly, I want to forgive because I will be held accountable.

  15:56-15:57

  I will be held accountable.

  15:57-15:59

  Look at verses 22 through 24 here.

  16:01-16:58

  says, "At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers, I will be graciously given to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers." Here's another reason you want to forgive. I want to forgive because I'll be held accountable. Now forgiveness doesn't mean we don't hold people accountable. We talked about that back in week one. Because forgiving people forgive, that doesn't mean that when somebody sins we don't hold them accountable for that. But that's not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about here is I am accountable to others to forgive. The Apostle Paul Paul was expecting to be released at this point.

  16:59-17:01

  And do you see what he tells Philemon?

  17:02-17:14

  He says, "I'm hoping through your prayers I will be graciously given to you." Paul was basically saying, "Pray that I get released." Well Philemon could hardly pray for that if he didn't forgive Onesimus.

  17:16-20:23

  That's why Paul in verse 22 says, "Prepare a guest room for me." says, "I'm coming." And it's not a threat, but this was a reminder to Philemon. He says, "I'm coming." And you know what Philemon was thinking? If I haven't forgiven Onesimus, guess what Paul's gonna want to talk about? Right? You think that was in his mind? I'm gonna be face-to-face with Paul? Hey Philemon, how's it going? "Hey Paul, how about them penguins? You think they're gonna turn it around? Tell me about Onesimus." "Yeah, you know, we've been just having a lot of weather lately and I just..." "Tell me about Onesimus. Tell me about that relationship." So it was not a threat but a reminder. You're accountable. You're accountable. So is that really any of your business? Well, Hebrews 13, 17 says, obey your leaders and submit to them for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you." That's why sometimes pastors and elders have to have those hard conversations. Believe me, I've been in many situations over the past 15 years where I'm driving thinking I don't want to have this conversation with this guy, but I have to. I know this guy and I have dealt with this issue before, but I got to talk to him about it. Why? Because the Bible says that I'm an overseer of souls, and I take that very seriously. So if there's work that needs done, we need to work on it. So notice it's not just Paul he's held accountable to. He gives the list here, and you know, oftentimes Paul does give a list, but again, I really believe that Philemon, when he read this list, he knew these people. So he's like, "Well, Paul's going to be asking me about the whole Anesimus thing, but who else is going to be asking me about it? How about all these people that said hi. Epaphras, Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, Philemon's like, "These are other guys that I'm gonna be accountable to." So that's what we do is we watch each other's backs. We watch each other's backs and those of you who are in a small group, and we want everybody involved in a small group, but those of you who are in a small group, and specifically the leaders, don't be afraid to have those hard conversations when you have breakout time. When you sit down and say, "Hey, let's talk about this area, whether it's a blind spot or an area of weakness. We need to pray about this. We need to talk about this." And so often we shy away from that stuff.

  20:25-20:28

  But we are biblically responsible to watch each other's backs.

  20:30-20:34

  I want to forgive because I will be held accountable by others.

  20:36-20:40

  And then finally, I want to forgive because that is what Christ wants.

  20:42-20:52

  One last verse, but this isn't just like, Paul's like, "Oh, I can't just end with the list thing.

  20:52-21:17

  I've got to say something nice at the end." Look at what he says, "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit." The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

  21:18-21:23

  So the last thing here is I want to forgive because that is what Christ wants.

  21:24-21:26

  Unforgiveness is not possible in the flesh.

  21:26-21:29

  Actually unforgiveness is an attitude of the flesh.

  21:30-21:33

  And through this series we've seen a lot of appeals to forgive.

  21:34-21:44

  It's because you love people, it's because you belong to the fellowship, it's because you want to restore value in a person, you want to remove bitterness, but this is the last and probably the strongest appeal.

  21:47-21:50

  The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

  21:57-21:58

  You know God has some goals for you.

  22:00-22:01

  Actually a goal for you.

  22:01-22:02

  Do you know what God's goal is for you?

  22:04-22:08

  Romans 8 29 very clearly says what God's goal is for every believer.

  22:10-24:34

  wants to conform you into the image of his Son. God's Holy Spirit has taken up residence within you to work on this single goal. Every day, more and more, to grow you to become more like Jesus Christ. That's his goal. So God is doing this by the power of His Spirit. And the question for you is, are you willing to yield your will to allow God's Holy Spirit to do what he wants to do in you, because your spirit is going to be restless until you allow him to do the work of grace that he wants to do through you. You can fight against it. You can continue to persistently make hard-hearted choices against what he's calling you to do, but with all the love that I can muster, I want to tell you this, you're gonna lose. He who began a good work in you, what? Is he gonna be faithful to complete it? God doesn't start something he doesn't finish. So listen, loved ones, believers in Christ, if you have this issue of unforgiveness with someone, the Holy Spirit is not going to let you rest until that is resolved. So my encouragement to you is to yield your will. To say, "God, this is clearly what you want for me, and God, I'm sorry that this hasn't been what I've wanted for me." But I realize now, Father, that when it gets down to these matters of my will versus your will, may your will be done.

  24:38-24:58

  So I don't want to forgive. Yeah, you do. Because I want to live debt-free. I want to bless others. I want people to encourage me to do the right thing, and I want Jesus Christ to have his work accomplished in me.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Philemon 1:19-25

Breakout Questions:
Pray for one another.

Forgiven People Forgive, And Here’s What it Looks Like

How do I know I have forgiven?

1. When I make the Choice (Phm 1:8-9)


2. When I Value the person again. (Phm 1:10-14)


3. When I Rejoice that God is working in them. (Phm 1:15-16)


4. When the offense is a Non-issue to me. (Phm 1:17-18)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

• Audio Transcript

  00:00-00:04

  Open up your Bibles to the book of Philemon. Do you have your Bible?

  00:06-01:23

  Do you have your Bible? Hold up your Bible. You got your Bible? I hope you brought your Bible. Do you know that's our middle name? Harvest Bible Chapel. That wasn't an accident. Harvest Chapel. Nah, it needs something else. Not an accident. Open your Bible to Philemon. Where's that at? We'll go near the back of your New Testament the book of Hebrews. Take a left, it's the book right before the book of Hebrews. I shared with you a couple weeks ago how shocked I was when I went to get donuts and the people at Dunkin Donuts were like, "Uh, uh, uh, uh, hang on off to see if we have them." I'm like, "You're a donut store!" I was also shocked one time I went to get tires for my car. I went to the tire store and the guy was like, "We don't have them." "You're a tire store, what do you have?" Then he's like, "Well your tires are an unusual size." Like, I drive a Ford Focus. There's like an infinity of them on the road. Seriously? It's a weird size?

  01:25-02:00

  I expect donuts from the donut store and I expect tires from the tire store because that's their thing. And if you're a Christian, you know what your thing is? Forgiveness. Because what that means is you've come to God whom you've offended by your sin and you've received his gift of salvation in Jesus Christ. And we talked about that, didn't we? That God says your sins, there is now therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

  02:01-02:12

  Your sins are taken away, they're ancient history, they're not an issue because my son died for your sins and he rose from the dead so that you might have life.

  02:20-02:28

  We If you'll pardon the vernacular, sometimes we are knuckleheads when it comes to forgiving other people, aren't we?

  02:30-02:34

  Somebody does one or two little things to offend us and I'll never forgive that person.

  02:34-02:39

  And that's what we've learned from God's Word is that forgiving people, what?

  02:41-02:41

  Let's try that again.

  02:41-02:44

  Forgiving people, forgive, right?

  02:45-02:46

  That's what Jesus said.

  02:46-02:47

  Forgiving people, forgive.

  02:48-02:54

  I'm also learning, Mark Bloomingdale taught me, that forgetful people don't need to forgive.

  02:56-02:57

  At least that's what he keeps telling me.

  02:59-03:01

  Or something like that, I don't exactly remember how it goes.

  03:02-03:05

  But, forgiven people forgive, right?

  03:05-03:21

  When Philemon, just to catch us all up, Philemon was a letter that was written to a man named Philemon, let's try that again.

  03:22-03:25

  Philemon was a letter written to a man named Philemon.

  03:25-03:26

  And who wrote that?

  03:27-03:28

  The apostle Paul, right?

  03:29-03:30

  And why did he write it?

  03:30-03:33

  Well, Philemon had a slave named Onesimus.

  03:35-03:39

  And Onesimus apparently stole some money from his master and ran away.

  03:40-03:41

  So what's the big deal?

  03:42-03:46

  Well, a runaway slave was considered a criminal who can be executed.

  03:48-03:51

  So Onesimus flees to Rome, and he runs into Paul.

  03:51-03:52

  Was he looking for him?

  03:52-03:53

  Did he find him by accident?

  03:53-03:54

  I don't know.

  03:56-03:57

  The scripture doesn't say.

  03:59-03:59

  Here's what we do know.

  03:59-04:02

  He runs into Paul, and Paul shares Christ with him.

  04:02-04:06

  And Onesimus becomes born again.

  04:08-04:11

  So now here's Paul with this new Christian Onesimus.

  04:13-04:20

  And he says, the right thing for you to do is to go back to Philemon.

  04:21-04:22

  That'd be the right thing to do.

  04:23-04:26

  But he could kill me.

  04:26-04:26

  You realize that?

  04:27-04:29

  Slaves aren't considered people.

  04:29-04:30

  They're considered property.

  04:30-04:32

  And he could just kill me, right?

  04:34-04:45

  And Paul's like, OK, Penn, I'm going to write Philemon a personal letter telling him, in Christ, why he must forgive you.

  04:46-04:49

  And that's what we see in this really neat little book.

  04:50-04:56

  And last week, when we started Philemon, we saw that Paul started off reminding Philemon who he is.

  04:56-05:01

  And we said, "I forgive because it's who I am in Christ." That was the message last week.

  05:01-05:02

  It's all about your identity.

  05:02-05:03

  It's all about your identity.

  05:04-05:05

  If you're sitting here today and you're like, "You know what?

  05:05-05:11

  I'm not really a Christian," then I don't expect much from you in a way of forgiveness.

  05:11-05:24

  I don't mean that harshly, but for people that have received Christ and understand who Christ is and what he's done and who I am in Christ, forgiveness is a no brainer.

  05:24-05:25

  Do you know how many times I've sinned?

  05:26-05:27

  Take a guess. How many times have I sinned?

  05:29-05:30

  Three, that was more than 300.

  05:33-05:34

  That was a good guess.

  05:35-05:37

  Maybe 300 before I get out of bed this morning.

  05:38-05:44

  OK, all of the sin that I've ever committed or ever will commit, God said in Christ, forgiven.

  05:46-05:48

  So when somebody sins against me, how dare I?

  05:49-05:52

  How dare I say I'm not going to forgive that person?

  05:52-05:54

  Oh, really? Really?

  05:54-05:56

  So obviously you didn't understand the forgiveness thing.

  05:58-06:02

  That's what Paul reminded Philemon, who are you in Christ?

  06:02-06:03

  That's where it starts.

  06:06-06:07

  So today, here's what we're going to tackle.

  06:07-06:09

  Forgiving people, forgiving, here's what it looks like.

  06:11-06:19

  Now, some might be sitting here as we've been going through the last couple weeks saying, I don't know if I have forgiven.

  06:20-06:21

  Have you ever wondered that?

  06:21-06:22

  Let's be honest.

  06:23-06:25

  This is a school, but this morning it's church.

  06:25-06:27

  Have you ever wrestled with that?

  06:27-06:31

  Like, I'm not sure if I really have forgiven that person.

  06:31-06:32

  I've wrestled with that.

  06:32-06:32

  Have you?

  06:33-06:34

  I've wrestled with that.

  06:34-06:35

  I've had issues with people.

  06:35-06:36

  I'm like, did I really forgive them?

  06:38-06:42

  Well, that's exactly what we're going to be looking at here.

  06:42-06:45

  That's where Paul's going to be confronting Philemon.

  06:45-06:46

  So here's the question.

  06:47-06:48

  How do I know I have forgiveness?

  06:50-06:50

  How do I know?

  06:52-06:53

  Do you have an outline?

  06:53-06:54

  Jot these things down.

  06:55-06:59

  Number one, when I make the choice.

  07:00-07:02

  Keyword, I.

  07:02-07:04

  when I make the choice.

  07:06-07:09

  That's when I'll know that I've forgiven is when I make the choice.

  07:09-07:11

  Let's look at verses 8 and 9.

  07:12-07:24

  Paul says, "Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love's sake, I prefer to appeal to you.

  07:25-07:46

  "I, Paul, an old man, and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus, I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment." He means spiritual father, right?

  07:50-07:55

  So you'll know that you've forgiven when it's you that makes that choice.

  07:57-08:00

  Interestingly, you know, the word forgive is not in Philemon anywhere.

  08:03-08:05

  Nor do we find long doctrinal teaching.

  08:06-08:08

  Here's what we find in Philemon.

  08:09-08:12

  It's an appeal to love.

  08:13-08:15

  Based on character.

  08:16-08:19

  And we saw in verse seven, didn't we, that they had a relationship.

  08:20-09:09

  I mean, Philemon wasn't a stranger. Paul said, "I've derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother." So they had a good relationship. So Paul here is saying, "I could make you." Did you catch that? He said, "I'm bold enough." Was Paul bold? Yeah, he was pretty bold. He said, "I could command you." That would have been an interesting letter, wouldn't it? Dear Philemon, forgive Onesimus because I said so, period! Exclamation point. Couple more. Love Paul. Because I said so. He said, but I don't want to appeal to you on that level.

  09:11-09:17

  Verse 9, he says, "For love's sake." It's for love's sake.

  09:18-09:23

  Do you see the fatherly appeal, the emotional appeal he throws in here?

  09:26-09:30

  I'm an old man. I'm a prisoner.

  09:31-09:42

  If you can kind of put yourself in Philemon's place, keep in mind this was before Skype and FaceTime and all these other things, He would have just gotten this letter from Paul.

  09:43-09:48

  And when he got the letter, Tychicus, remember, was delivering the mail, Philemon would have been right in front of him.

  09:48-09:52

  So could you imagine here, Onesimus, I'm sorry, would have been right in front of Philemon.

  09:53-09:54

  So could you see this picture?

  09:54-09:55

  Here's Onesimus.

  09:58-09:58

  Is he gonna kill me?

  09:59-10:03

  And Tychicus is like, here's a letter, Philemon, this is for you, this is from Paul.

  10:04-10:06

  And you see the emotional appeal here.

  10:06-10:13

  Paul's like, look, man, I could command you, man, but listen, I'm an old man.

  10:14-10:16

  I'm a prisoner for Christ, so please hear my heart on this.

  10:19-10:22

  You need to make the choice, OK?

  10:23-10:37

  And with every bit of passion and emotion that I can try to convey in my communication, You need to make the choice to forgive Onesimus.

  10:39-10:41

  We do this with kids all the time, don't we?

  10:44-10:46

  This authority thing that Paul didn't do.

  10:49-10:49

  Say you're sorry.

  10:50-10:51

  How many people have kids?

  10:51-10:52

  You've gone through that drill.

  10:52-10:53

  Say you're sorry.

  10:53-10:54

  Say you're sorry.

  10:55-10:56

  Say thank you.

  10:57-10:57

  Say hello.

  10:59-11:01

  You call him Mr.

  11:01-11:02

  Bloomingdale, not Mark.

  11:02-11:03

  You didn't go to high school with them.

  11:05-11:07

  But we do that all the time with our kids.

  11:07-11:08

  Look, here's what you have to do.

  11:08-11:10

  And we're discipling our kids.

  11:10-11:11

  We're trying to teach them what's right.

  11:11-11:12

  That's all good.

  11:12-11:15

  But Paul here is saying, I'm not doing that to you, man.

  11:15-11:18

  I'm not telling you what you have to do.

  11:18-11:19

  I'm appealing to you.

  11:20-11:21

  You do the right thing.

  11:24-11:26

  People can encourage you to forgive.

  11:27-11:29

  People can pray with you.

  11:29-11:31

  People can pray for you.

  11:31-11:34

  But listen, nobody can make you forgive someone else.

  11:36-11:38

  That ball is only in your court.

  11:39-11:40

  Nobody can make you do that.

  11:41-11:43

  You have to do it.

  11:48-11:50

  Not-- if you heard these things, maybe you've said them.

  11:53-11:55

  I'll be nice to him for mom's sake.

  11:56-11:58

  Confession time-- how many people have said something like that?

  11:59-11:59

  All right.

  12:00-12:02

  I'll be nice to him for mom's sake.

  12:02-12:03

  Or here's another one.

  12:03-12:11

  I don't know if this is like a cultural thing or if this is a phrase that's used across the board, but I've heard people say this in these situations.

  12:11-12:12

  I'll be civil.

  12:13-12:14

  I'll be civil.

  12:14-12:15

  Have you heard that one?

  12:16-12:20

  Hey, look, you know, you know Tony's gonna be there, right?

  12:21-12:23

  Look, come on, I'll be civil.

  12:25-12:26

  You know what that means.

  12:27-12:27

  I hate that guy.

  12:29-12:38

  But so I don't start a riot or end up punching his teeth on his throat, I'm just going to smile.

  12:39-12:40

  I'm not going to say anything.

  12:40-12:42

  I'll say hi to him, but I'll be civil.

  12:44-12:48

  Now, it has to start here.

  12:48-12:49

  I am making the choice to forgive.

  12:50-12:50

  Have you done that?

  12:52-12:54

  I am making the choice to forgive.

  12:55-12:58

  I'm not doing this for my wife or my mother or the preacher.

  12:59-13:01

  I have to make the choice to forgive.

  13:01-13:02

  So here's a question.

  13:04-13:06

  Can you forgive someone if they are not seeking forgiveness?

  13:07-13:08

  Oh, what about that?

  13:09-13:10

  They're not seeking forgiveness.

  13:10-13:12

  Do I have to forgive them?

  13:13-13:14

  Here's your answer.

  13:15-13:20

  In my heart, I have to make the choice that I want forgiveness.

  13:23-13:25

  The answer to that is yes.

  13:27-13:29

  Can you forgive someone if they're not seeking forgiveness?

  13:29-13:33

  In my heart, I have to make the choice that I want forgiveness.

  13:34-13:35

  You can't make their choice.

  13:35-13:36

  You can make yours, though.

  13:37-13:39

  Like, well, do you have a biblical basis for that?

  13:39-13:40

  Yeah, how about Jesus?

  13:41-13:44

  Remember Luke chapter 23 and verse 34?

  13:45-13:51

  What did Jesus cry out to his heavenly Father while he was being crucified?

  13:52-13:55

  He said, Father-- what?

  13:56-14:00

  Forgive them for they don't know what they're doing.

  14:03-14:10

  Now, when Jesus said that, the people that were crucifying him obviously were unrepentant, but you see the heart of Christ in that.

  14:11-14:14

  He didn't cry out an imprecatory psalm.

  14:14-14:15

  He said.

  14:17-14:18

  Father, my cries for forgiveness.

  14:20-14:21

  You know, someone else did that.

  14:22-14:32

  Acts chapter 7. Stephen, remember while he was being pelted with rocks, do you remember what Stephen said?

  14:34-14:45

  "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." And what we see in Jesus and reflected by Stephen is this.

  14:45-14:51

  My heart is bent towards forgiveness, even if they are not seeking it.

  14:51-14:54

  That's the direction that the compass of my heart is pointing.

  14:58-15:03

  But here's the thing, the relationship is not restored until the offender wants forgiveness.

  15:05-15:10

  I must say that again, the relationship is not restored until the offender wants forgiveness.

  15:11-15:13

  But you have to choose to do your part.

  15:15-15:21

  That's what Paul told Philemon, and by authority of God's Word, that's what I'm commending to you.

  15:21-15:22

  Do your part.

  15:25-15:27

  So how do I know I'm forgiven?

  15:27-15:28

  Well, when I make the choice.

  15:28-15:33

  Secondly, when I value the person again.

  15:34-15:36

  When I value the person again.

  15:36-15:37

  Look at verses 10-14 with me.

  15:39-15:59

  Paul says again, "I appeal to you for my child Anesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment." And parenthetically, "Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me." I'm sending him back to you.

  16:00-16:02

  Sending my very heart.

  16:04-16:12

  I would have been glad to keep him with me in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel.

  16:12-16:25

  But I prefer to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord.

  16:30-16:36

  So the second thing is, how do I know I've forgiven someone when I value that person again?

  16:36-16:40

  Remember, Onesimus came to Christ, born again, repentant.

  16:40-16:41

  How did we know he was repentant?

  16:42-16:43

  Because he was going back.

  16:44-16:45

  Right. That was a sign of repentance.

  16:47-16:49

  And Onesimus was also fruitful.

  16:50-16:51

  That's what Paul says.

  16:51-16:52

  He's useful to me.

  16:53-16:55

  Actually, verse 11 is a wordplay.

  16:55-16:58

  Do you know Onesimus means useful?

  16:58-16:59

  That's what that name means.

  16:59-17:03

  useful. So Paul's sort of doing this little play on words.

  17:03-17:05

  He's like, you know, your slave useful.

  17:06-17:14

  Well, he was kind of useless and you probably still think he is useless, but now he's useful and he's useful to me and he's coming back and he can be useful to you.

  17:19-17:22

  So Paul's point is what he is useful.

  17:27-17:33

  I want to remind you again, church-- I know we talked about this a couple of weeks ago, but we've got to keep hammering this home.

  17:33-17:36

  Here's how we typically handle offenders.

  17:37-17:38

  We write them off.

  17:40-17:41

  We avoid them.

  17:41-17:42

  We don't need them.

  17:44-17:46

  That's typically-- that's what I've seen.

  17:47-19:47

  When somebody offends, people are a lot less likely to go to that person and say, Wilson, man, you offended me. How likely is that? That's a lot less likely than I'm just not going to talk to him anymore. Right? Am I right? Is that what you see? That's what I see. I'm just not going to talk to that guy. And we just write them off. And there's this underlying bitterness and tension and my way of dealing with it is not dealing with it and that's just not biblical. It's not. It's not biblical. You are in the wrong if that's how you're dealing with an offense, by just avoiding the person. And what do we do in our culture? I'm mad at someone in the family, I'm not going to call them, I'm not going to see them. In fact, I might even unfriend them on Facebook. That's the ultimate sign by the way. Or what do we do in churches? Somebody offends me in the church? What do we do? Come on tell me. Don't be shy. I'm going to the church down the street. Isn't that what we do? I'm just gonna go to another church. I don't like what the preacher said instead of talking to him about it, sitting down like mature adults and talking about it, I'm just gonna go to the church down the street. I don't like what one of the leaders of the church said or one of the elders of the church or I don't like, I don't like, you know, what Sam said up here. I'm offended. I'm offended at the way, you know, Beth to Beth about that, I'm going to Northway.

  19:48-19:52

  That's wrong, man. That's wrong. It's just wrong.

  19:56-20:14

  We're like first-year church plant infancy years, so this probably isn't like in the manual things to say to the church. But listen, if you're here because somebody offended you at another church, and instead of dealing with the offense, your way of escaping is by coming to this church, you should go back to that church.

  20:15-20:16

  I mean that.

  20:18-20:23

  God's glory in the kingdom is a lot bigger than what he's doing just in this church or that church.

  20:23-20:25

  If you're here like, "Man, you know why I'm here?

  20:25-20:36

  It's because one of the elders at this church offended me." You need to go back and talk to that guy and make things right.

  20:37-20:39

  Because hiding out in this church isn't going to do you any good.

  20:40-20:46

  Because the next thing that's going to happen is I'll offend you, and you'll just keep on moving down the street.

  20:48-21:02

  John Price down at Covenant, he's going to be calling me like, "Hey, did you have this guy in your church?" "Yeah, watch out, because in ten minutes he's going to be mad at you, and he'll be going down to the Episcopalian church." True or false?

  21:03-21:04

  Is that true?

  21:06-21:07

  Deal with it.

  21:07-21:11

  If you have an offense, deal with it.

  21:14-21:17

  Go to the person, "Hey man, we gotta talk, man. I'm struggling with this." Deal with it.

  21:20-21:22

  Well, how do I know if we're given?

  21:22-21:28

  Well, it's when I can honestly say, "He means something to me." That's when you know.

  21:30-21:33

  It's when no longer in your heart have you written that person off.

  21:34-21:37

  Which, by the way, remember Jesus said hatred was the same as murder.

  21:37-21:38

  Do you remember that?

  21:38-21:39

  Do you know why?

  21:39-21:44

  It's because in your heart, you might not say it, but you wish that person was dead.

  21:44-21:45

  You've written them off.

  21:45-21:46

  You've killed them in your heart.

  21:47-21:48

  That's unforgiveness.

  21:50-21:51

  How do I know I'm forgiven?

  21:52-21:54

  Is when you say, "Well, you know, he means something to me.

  21:55-22:16

  He means something to me." Here's a hint. When someone offends you and they know that you're upset with them, they are feeling useless to you. They're saying things like, "Well, he hates me.

  22:17-22:48

  She's never really going to forgive me." So I want to encourage you, if you're at this point of the process, like, look, I'm seeking forgiveness, I'm seeking restoration. How do I make people know they're valued? Here's some real practical things. Jot these things down. How can I make somebody know that they're valuable? First of all, don't be fake about it, okay? You're gonna do the business with God first. God, restore the value of that person to me.

  22:49-22:59

  That was Paul's whole point to Philemon. Hey, he's not useless. Don't write him off. He's useful. You need to see them like that. Here's how you can make people know their value.

  22:59-23:15

  Number one, pray with them. Pray with them. When you sit down with them. Mike's like, Jeff, you offended me. And I'm like, man, I'm so sorry. I didn't I didn't realize.

  23:15-23:19

  And I will you accept my apology.

  23:21-23:21

  OK, let's pray.

  23:23-23:29

  That's that's a way of affirming value in a person that we will go to our heavenly father together.

  23:30-23:35

  So pray with them right on the spot, all in favor of on the spot prayer.

  23:36-23:36

  OK.

  23:38-23:39

  Invite them to something.

  23:39-23:41

  Number two, invite them to something.

  23:41-23:44

  That's a real practical way to affirm value in someone.

  23:46-23:47

  (congregation laughing)

  23:53-23:55

  Wilson might say, "Jeff, I forgive you.

  23:57-24:01

  Thank you." In the back of my mind, I'm thinking, is he still mad at me?

  24:02-24:10

  But you know, when Wilson calls up and says, "We're having a barbecue and I'd like you to come." Like, all right, what time is that by the way?

  24:12-24:12

  (laughing)

  24:14-24:15

  That's affirming value.

  24:17-24:19

  Or take them to lunch or coffee.

  24:19-24:21

  Hey, let's just get together and talk, man.

  24:22-24:23

  That affirms value.

  24:23-24:25

  Number three, here's practical stuff.

  24:26-24:28

  Send them a handwritten card or a letter.

  24:29-24:29

  Handwritten.

  24:31-24:34

  What I mean is, okay, text and emails are okay for their purpose.

  24:35-24:43

  But in these situations, nothing beats just a handwritten card, like, hey man, thanks so much for sitting down and talking with me the other day.

  24:43-24:43

  It meant a lot to me.

  24:45-24:48

  Number four, appreciate them, appreciate them.

  24:51-24:53

  Maybe you're having an issue with someone in the church.

  24:54-24:55

  Appreciate them.

  24:59-25:11

  You know, Dan, I'm just, I just want you to know how thankful I am to know every week you got that soundboard taken care of and it'd be rough going if you weren't back there working with Aaron.

  25:11-25:12

  Thank you for that.

  25:12-25:18

  And affirmation, another way you give value, one more.

  25:19-25:20

  The list is infinite.

  25:20-25:22

  I'm just giving you some practical things.

  25:22-25:25

  Chew over how to make people know their value.

  25:25-25:28

  Number five, ask them their opinion on something.

  25:29-25:31

  Ask them their opinion on something.

  25:31-25:40

  When you do that, you're automatically communicating to that person, I value you so much that I wanna know what you think about that.

  25:42-25:43

  I get why are we doing these things?

  25:43-25:45

  Because the person feels like dirt.

  25:45-25:46

  I've offended him.

  25:46-25:52

  And that's your way of saying you're back in the circle of trust, man.

  25:52-25:52

  Right?

  25:53-25:54

  I value your opinion.

  25:56-25:57

  So how do I know I've forgiven?

  25:57-26:04

  Well, when I make the choice and when I genuinely value the person again, I go from useless to useful in their eyes.

  26:05-26:11

  Number three, when I rejoice, when I rejoice that God is working in them.

  26:14-26:17

  When I rejoice that God is working in them.

  26:18-26:20

  Look at verse 15 and 16.

  26:26-26:30

  Paul says, for perhaps this is why he was parted from you for a while.

  26:31-26:37

  that you might have them back forever, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave.

  26:39-26:46

  As a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and.

  26:47-26:48

  In the Lord.

  26:51-27:02

  So you'll know that you've forgiven someone when you can rejoice that God is working in them, first of all, Paul here points out that God's sovereignty is at work.

  27:03-27:10

  He uses the word perhaps just so he doesn't in any way communicate presumption.

  27:13-27:15

  But what he's saying is, you know what?

  27:15-27:17

  Here was a bad situation.

  27:18-27:20

  This guy stole money from you and ran away.

  27:21-27:22

  Bad situation, right?

  27:23-27:24

  And Paul's like, you know what?

  27:25-27:30

  Maybe that was the thing that God used Because God was after him.

  27:31-27:34

  I mean, God uses some pretty crazy things to go after people, doesn't he?

  27:35-27:38

  Like swallowed by a fish, right?

  27:39-27:41

  Burning bush, right?

  27:42-27:45

  God goes after people in pretty unique ways, and that's what Paul's saying.

  27:45-27:53

  Maybe I'm not excusing what he did, but Paul's saying, you know, when God looks down in his sovereignty, do you believe God's sovereign?

  27:54-28:02

  I do. Do you believe that God knows and is in control of every single thing in the universe?

  28:03-28:05

  According to the Bible, that's true.

  28:06-28:12

  And that's what Paul's saying, maybe this whole thing, a bad situation, God used it for his glory.

  28:15-28:17

  Perhaps that was why he parted from you for a while.

  28:18-28:20

  So he could come to Christ and then you could have him forever.

  28:21-28:29

  Like, not just like master-slave on the earth, but brothers in the Lord on the earth, and like neighbors in heaven.

  28:30-28:32

  You think maybe that's what God was doing?

  28:33-28:35

  He's more than a slave now, He's your brother.

  28:38-28:43

  When we're dealing with unforgiveness though, it's impossible to feel good for the offender, right?

  28:44-28:46

  It's impossible to feel good for the offender.

  28:48-28:48

  Think about it.

  28:49-28:51

  Somebody offends you.

  28:54-28:57

  I mean, really offended you. Really offended you.

  28:58-29:01

  You sit down and turn the TV on.

  29:03-29:04

  They're a contestant on The Price is Right.

  29:05-29:07

  They just won the showcase. How do you feel?

  29:10-29:11

  "I can't believe it!

  29:12-29:16

  I hope their boat rusts."

  29:16-29:17

  (congregation laughing)

  29:24-29:27

  I hope when they're tripped to Puerto Vallarta, they drink the water.

  29:30-29:31

  That's not nice.

  29:32-29:34

  But it's impossible to feel good for the offender.

  29:35-29:35

  It's impossible.

  29:37-29:47

  I just saw this recently where somebody who, I hate to confess this, but there are some people that don't like me.

  29:51-29:51

  Oh, don't laugh.

  29:51-29:53

  I'm sure there are people that don't like you either.

  29:55-29:57

  It's not me, but I'm sure there's someone.

  30:00-30:10

  But someone who, there was an issue like years ago and I'm like a dealt with that come and gone, but this person is still holding onto some stuff.

  30:10-30:13

  Well, friends had visited this church.

  30:14-30:20

  friends of this person visited the church and they said, how was Jeff's church?

  30:20-30:21

  It's not my church, but that's what they said.

  30:21-30:22

  How was Jeff's church?

  30:22-30:35

  And the person that visited said, "Oh, it was really nice, a really nice church." The person went, "Oh." Like so disappointed because God was doing some things.

  30:38-30:43

  Well, when you see the big picture, what is God's ultimate goal for the offender?

  30:45-30:46

  What is God's ultimate goal?

  30:46-30:49

  If somebody offends you, what's God's ultimate goal for them?

  30:51-30:54

  Actually, it's the same goal that he has for everybody, right?

  30:54-30:55

  What's God's goal for everyone?

  30:56-30:58

  He wants to conform you into the image of his son.

  31:02-31:06

  So how would you feel to find out that God has restored that person to himself?

  31:07-31:08

  How would you feel?

  31:09-31:12

  This person offended you and then you found out they became a Christian.

  31:12-31:13

  How would you feel?

  31:18-31:20

  How would you feel to know that God was blessing that person?

  31:23-31:25

  This is so much easier said than done.

  31:26-31:28

  That's why it's a work that only God can do.

  31:29-31:40

  If somebody burned your house down intentionally, went to jail for arson, came to Christ in jail, How would you feel about that?

  31:44-31:45

  How would you feel?

  31:46-31:47

  "Oh, I bet you that was one of them jailhouse conversions.

  31:48-31:59

  Oh, I bet you he's not sincere." Could you honestly say, you know, maybe the Lord allowed him to do this and get arrested in order that he would go to jail and receive the gospel?

  32:07-32:14

  You need to look at people, not according to how they've offended you, look at people according to what they can be in Christ.

  32:15-32:16

  What they can be in Christ.

  32:18-32:23

  Offender now, useless now, but you know what, in God's sovereignty, maybe he's getting that person's attention.

  32:24-32:25

  One more thing.

  32:26-32:27

  How do I know I've forgiven?

  32:28-32:28

  How do I know?

  32:28-32:38

  Well, when I make the choice and when I genuinely value the person again, and when I rejoice that God is working in them, And here's the last thing. How do you know you've forgiven?

  32:40-32:43

  When the offense is a non-issue to me.

  32:45-32:48

  When the offense is a non-issue to me.

  32:54-32:57

  So you thought Paul laid it on thick before. Look at verses 17 and 18.

  32:58-33:01

  That's what I love about Paul. He's hard to argue with.

  33:02-33:03

  He's just hard to argue with.

  33:04-33:11

  Because at this point Philemon might be reading this thinking, "Okay Paul, I hear what you're saying, but he stole from me.

  33:12-33:14

  He owes me.

  33:14-33:31

  He owes me the amount of money that he stole, the work that I had to pay to get done because he was gone, and maybe he had this all calculated. He stole from me." Well, you'll know you're forgiven when the offense is no longer an issue.

  33:31-33:48

  Verse 17, Paul says, "So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me." Again, do you have a scenario in your mind? Here's Philemon reading this, here's Onesimus.

  33:49-33:57

  Paul says, "Philemon, are we partners in ministry?" "Yeah, we are, Paul." See this guy standing in front of you.

  33:59-34:02

  Take him back like it's me standing there.

  34:03-34:03

  Who?

  34:07-34:13

  But but but but he stole from me, Paul, verse 18, if he has wronged you at all.

  34:15-34:17

  Or owes you anything.

  34:19-34:21

  Charge that to my accounts.

  34:25-34:29

  Forgiveness is hard because restitution must be made.

  34:30-34:33

  And really, that's what's happening any time there's an issue of unforgiveness.

  34:34-34:35

  We feel that we've been robbed.

  34:35-34:37

  Maybe it is something physically.

  34:38-34:40

  Somebody stole something physical from us, right?

  34:42-34:44

  Actually took something that belonged to us.

  34:44-34:45

  Sometimes.

  34:49-34:52

  What people stole was a nonphysical thing like your honor.

  34:53-34:55

  Right, or your dignity.

  34:56-35:30

  They took that from you. And there's a sense in which you owe me and nothing is right until you make it right. And to combat that path of thinking, that's why Paul says Philemon, put it on my tab. Does he owe you something? I'll pick up the check for that. Put it on my tab. It's hard to have an issue then, isn't it?

  35:31-35:36

  "But, but he stole from me!" Paul's like, "I'll pay you back." "But, but..." Oh.

  35:40-36:21

  No longer an issue. So here it is. You know you've forgiven when the offense has vanished from your heart. When the offense has vanished from your heart. How do I know if forgiven? If I'm still dwelling on it, if I'm still thinking about it, if the conversation is still going on and on and on and on in my head, I haven't forgiven yet. Forgiveness says I'm not going to think about it, I'm not going to bring it up, I'm not going to mention it next time we talk, it's gone It's history, it's finished.

  36:23-36:24

  I commend that to you.

  36:25-36:34

  Married people, married people, you gotta learn that lesson.

  36:36-36:37

  Gotta learn that lesson.

  36:37-36:52

  Whether you've been married for 10 years like Aaron and I, or three weeks like the Fredericks, for four years or however long, married people.

  36:55-36:57

  You gotta let things vanish from your heart.

  36:58-36:59

  'Cause you know what we do?

  37:01-37:05

  We tuck it away in our little filing cabinet in our heart.

  37:05-37:09

  Next time we get into a fight, oh, oh, you wanna fight, do you?

  37:11-37:11

  Hang on.

  37:13-37:15

  Give me just a moment to retrieve your file.

  37:17-37:18

  Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

  37:18-37:22

  I see here, November the 17th, you did this.

  37:23-37:28

  And then on March the 3rd, you said this.

  37:28-37:30

  And we bring up all this stuff like, seriously, did that happen?

  37:32-37:32

  Let it go.

  37:34-37:35

  Let it go.

  37:37-37:38

  It's a call to grace.

  37:40-37:42

  It's a call to grace.

  37:44-37:49

  Grace is God giving to us what he requires from us.

  37:50-37:53

  We owed God a debt, we couldn't pay it.

  37:54-37:57

  God says, "I'll pay it." That's grace.

  38:00-38:05

  Unless we're perfectly righteous, we can't be in God's presence.

  38:07-38:08

  Do you have it?

  38:09-38:10

  Not yourself.

  38:12-38:18

  God requires it, so God says, "I'm going to give it to you because I require it from you." Holiness?

  38:20-38:21

  We're commanded to be holy.

  38:23-38:25

  Do you have holiness in and of yourself?

  38:27-38:34

  God says, "I require that, so I'm going to give it to you because I require it from you." That's awfully nice.

  38:34-38:35

  That's grace.

  38:36-38:37

  That's grace.

  38:38-38:58

  And see, as we deal with forgiveness, That's what we're saying, like, "Man, you owe me. I'll pay. I'm going to give you what I require from you." So now the offense, whatever it was, it's a non-issue. It's a non-issue.

  39:01-39:06

  We are most like God when we forgive. Do you know that?

  39:08-39:10

  Ephesians 5 says to be imitators of God.

  39:12-39:13

  Do you want to imitate God?

  39:16-39:19

  Do you want to fulfill that word of Scripture?

  39:19-39:20

  How many people in favor of that?

  39:20-39:21

  Be imitators of God.

  39:21-39:22

  That's what it says.

  39:22-39:22

  Read it.

  39:22-39:23

  Ephesians 5.

  39:24-39:25

  Be imitators of God.

  39:25-39:26

  How do we do that?

  39:29-39:35

  I'd suggest to you that we're not any more like God than when we dispense grace.

  39:38-39:40

  You've forgiven me or you've offended me rather.

  39:40-39:44

  You've offended me in, you've offended me in a horrible way.

  39:47-39:49

  It's not an issue anymore.

  39:50-39:51

  I forgive you.

  39:53-40:03

  So you're not anymore like God when you forgive, but as I close, we could get ready to worship here and pray.

  40:07-40:16

  You're not any more like Christ than when you pay someone else's debt on their behalf.

  40:18-40:21

  What I want you to see here as we close, here's a picture of the gospel.

  40:22-40:23

  Did you see it?

  40:24-40:25

  Here's a picture of the gospel.

  40:27-40:29

  Philemon was offended.

  40:31-40:33

  He was sinned against.

  40:33-40:36

  And you could say in this picture Philemon sort of represents God.

  40:37-40:42

  Here's someone who was sinned against, and Onesimus represents man.

  40:44-40:52

  Somebody who rebelled and sinned against now owes a debt and is unable to pay the debt.

  40:55-40:57

  So who does the Apostle Paul represent in this little picture?

  40:58-40:59

  You see that?

  41:00-41:01

  It represents Jesus.

  41:03-41:13

  Because the Apostle Paul stepped in and said, "I don't owe the debt, but I'll pay it on your behalf." That way, the debt is a non-issue.

  41:16-41:26

  And as we close, I just want to ask you, "Who paid your debt?" Who paid your debt?

  41:29-41:33

  Because the truth is you have sinned against God.

  41:36-41:39

  And sin isn't a mistake.

  41:40-41:41

  It isn't a whoops.

  41:44-41:44

  My bad.

  41:45-41:48

  Sin is flagrant rebellion against God.

  41:48-41:49

  That's what sin is.

  41:50-42:09

  There is a holy, perfect, sovereign, righteous God who created us to have a relationship with Him, to live in Him, to glorify Him.

  42:10-42:11

  And what do we do?

  42:14-42:15

  We run off.

  42:16-42:18

  We decide that we're going to do whatever we want to do.

  42:19-42:20

  We've sinned against God.

  42:23-42:30

  And God would be in His rights if He was just going to dispense justice.

  42:33-42:35

  The soul that sins shall die.

  42:35-42:36

  The wages of sin are death.

  42:38-42:47

  The first time you sin, the first time you say, "Well God, I know what You want me to do, but I'm going to do what I want to do." The first time you sin, God would be justified to say, "Straight to hell.

  42:49-42:52

  You've rebelled against the Holy One of the Universe.

  42:52-42:54

  You've spit in the face of God.

  42:57-43:03

  We deserve His worst." But instead, God gave us His best.

  43:05-43:21

  That though we've sinned against God and deserve His wrath, God said, "I'm going to pay the Yeah, a debt must be paid. An infinite holy God was sinned against. A debt must be paid.

  43:22-43:53

  In our ignorance, sometimes we try to pay it. "Well, I'll just go to church and I'll just try to be nice to people and I'll hand out bread at the soup kitchen or something and I'll do all these things and God will look at me and say, 'Okay, yeah, I guess you missed your life, Bob.' But you sort of made up for it by trying to do these good things. The problem with that thinking even though doing those good things, it's good, it's good, good things. The problem with that is the guilt still stands, right?

  43:53-44:19

  If you were arrested and you appeared before the judge and the judge says, "Oh, okay, I see here that you are guilty of breaking every law that you can break in our country," which by the Of course, if you've broken God's law at any point, you're guilty of the whole law, because rejecting the law is rejecting the lawgiver.

  44:20-45:35

  So if you stood before the judge, and he said, "Oh, I see that you are guilty of breaking every single law that somebody could break in our country, everything, everything from jaywalking to rape to murder to Grand Theft Auto, your chances of getting off? What are your chances? Oh, but your honor, you're right. You're right, your honor, but here I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. From this day forward, I will get out and work at the Salvation Army every day. And the judge might say, well, you know what, that's very nice of you to think that, but you're still guilty. The price must be paid. Your good works aren't going to bridge the gap. Payment must be made. And that's the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. God says, "You can't pay it. You can't pay it." But God says, "I'll pay it." And the Bible says God took the form of man. The Word became flesh.

  45:35-45:38

  Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came to this earth.

  45:40-45:49

  And when he died on the cross, don't think that he was some like religious martyr, like, oh, poor guy was out preaching and they didn't like his preaching, so they killed him.

  45:49-45:55

  The reason he came was to lay down his life as a sacrifice for sin.

  45:56-45:57

  That was God's plan.

  45:58-45:59

  That was under God's providence.

  45:59-46:14

  and it happened under the sovereign watch of God that his son was offered up as a sacrifice so that our sins could be forgiven. Jesus Christ is our substitute.

  46:16-46:20

  The Bible says that after the third day of being in the tomb, do you know this story?

  46:22-47:18

  Jesus rose from the dead. That's why we were singing these songs of victory. We're not here to sing about some dead religious figure. We're here to worship a risen victorious king and when he rose from the dead it was to give us life. It was to restore that relationship to God that whenever our time on earth is done we have no fear. We walk with God and serve God while we're here and death is merely being ushered into his presence. Why? Because someone paid your debt on your behalf. Like I shared earlier, it's been an exciting time in our church. But as life goes, there's victory and suffering hand in hand.

  47:20-47:25

  And this past week, many of you are aware Phil Simons from our church had passed away.

  47:25-47:37

  He'd been battling leukemia and he him and Debbie used to sit actually right behind where the gates are sitting. But the leukemia was rapidly progressing in his body and.

  47:39-47:44

  I was with him in the hospital quite a bit Tuesday, and I said, Phil, what kind of what kind of What time frame did they give you?

  47:47-47:53

  He said, "Imminent." He knew.

  47:56-48:02

  The only difference between Phil and you was that he had more of an idea of when his time was up.

  48:03-48:04

  But your time is going to be up too.

  48:06-48:09

  The question is, what have you done about the guilt of your sin?

  48:11-48:12

  What have you done with that?

  48:16-48:19

  My prayer is that like Phil, I mean, he loved the Lord.

  48:21-48:25

  His tears were for his family, but this man loved the Lord.

  48:26-48:33

  And he knew that his time on the earth would be to finally be personally in the presence of his Lord and Savior.

  48:33-48:35

  He was so excited for that.

  48:35-48:36

  Is Phil having a good day today?

  48:37-48:38

  Do you think Phil's having a good day?

  48:41-48:41

  He is.

  48:44-48:56

  His confidence and his hope was knowing that Jesus Christ paid the price for his sin, and rose from the dead so that he could have eternal life.

  48:56-48:56

  Are you there?

  48:58-48:59

  Have you done that?

  48:59-49:04

  Have you received this gift of eternal life that God has given?

  49:06-49:07

  We're going to close our service.

  49:07-49:09

  If you haven't, I'm going to be sticking around.

  49:10-49:13

  or if you're not sure if you have, come up and talk with me.

  49:16-49:20

  If there are a few of you, we have some other people here that we'll grab, that'll be glad to sit down and talk with you and pray with you.

  49:21-49:23

  If you're not sure, have I made that decision?

  49:24-49:26

  Have I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior?

  49:28-49:28

  Today's the day.

  49:29-49:30

  Okay?

  49:30-49:32

  Let me pray and then let's close.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Philemon 1:8-18

Breakout Questions:
Pray for one another.

I Forgive....because of who I am in Christ

1. Because I Trust Christ, I forgive. (Phm 1:4-5)


2. Because I Love Christ’s people, I forgive. (Phm 1:5)


3. Because I Belong to Christ’s church, I forgive. (Phm 1:6-7)


4. Because I am Growing in Christ, I forgive. (Phm 1:6)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

• Audio Transcript

  00:01-02:34

  Forgiven people, now I want you to say the whole thing. Ready? Go. Do you believe that? Amen. Let's get back to it. Forgiven people forgive. How are we doing? Who in your life needs forgiveness? Last week, for those of you that weren't here, we To find forgiveness, forgiveness is the decision to release a person from the obligation that resulted from injury. You did something wrong against me, you owe me. Forgiveness is you no longer owe me. I'm releasing you of that obligation. And the New Testament theme of forgiveness is this. We looked at a whole bunch of verses last week, didn't we? But here it is. There is a connection between forgiveness from God and forgiveness to others. There is a connection. And we saw that forgiveness is not the plan of salvation. Forgiveness is the proof of salvation, right? Like, well, is this really such an important thing that we need to spend four weeks on it? And I believe that it is. And just to make it very personal, jot these three things down in your notes. Failure to forgive is going to result in three negative consequences on yourself, okay? So jot these three things down. Failure to forgive, first of all, keeps me in prison to the past. Keeps me in prison to the past. If you're someone who has been holding on to bitterness and holding on to hurts, and we talked about this a little last week, you know, you replay those conversations in your head, and I can't believe he talked to me that way, and you're holding on to that. What you've done is you've imprisoned yourself to the past. You can't move on from it. And you know, the Lord wants to take you to better places, but you can't go there. You've locked yourself in the past. So, unforgiveness, failure to forgive, keeps me in prison in the past. Secondly, failure to forgive will grow bitterness in your hearts. Not only will you be in prison in the past, but you'll become a bitter person.

  02:37-02:38

  And that can be a whole nother sermon.

  02:40-02:43

  Bitterness will destroy you from the inside out.

  02:45-02:49

  And much bitterness comes from I'm just choosing not to forgive.

  02:50-02:56

  Then thirdly, failure to forgive opens the door for Satan.

  02:59-03:01

  It opens the door for Satan.

  03:01-03:02

  I want you to think about that.

  03:04-03:06

  That door that I mentioned that Johnny's going to escape from.

  03:07-03:13

  If somebody was pounding on that door, and I said, "Oh, Satan's at the door.

  03:13-03:16

  Who wants to open the door?" Like, who's going to volunteer for that?

  03:17-03:18

  Who's going to volunteer?

  03:18-03:19

  I'll let him in.

  03:20-03:21

  Absolutely not.

  03:21-03:22

  Keep him out of here.

  03:22-03:36

  But understand that Ephesians 4, verses 26 and 27 say this, "Be angry and do not sin." It's okay to be angry, but you have to deal with it in a godly way.

  03:36-03:37

  Was Jesus ever angry?

  03:38-03:39

  He was.

  03:39-03:40

  Some people think anger is a sin.

  03:41-03:41

  It is not.

  03:42-03:46

  There's a righteous way to deal with anger, and there are righteous things to be angry about, right?

  03:47-03:55

  So Paul says, "Be angry and do not sin." He says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger," meaning you don't let these issues linger.

  03:58-04:08

  And then he says, "And give no opportunity to the devil." The longer you leave these things open, the more you're inviting Satan in, you're leaving an open door for him.

  04:10-04:11

  It's a failure to forgive.

  04:12-04:20

  So last week we sort of took a little tour through the New Testament, kind of camped out on Matthew chapter 18.

  04:22-04:25

  But we're going to get really specific over the next three weeks.

  04:26-04:50

  I want you to turn, you know there's a book in your Bible that is all about human to human forgiveness. Did you know that? There's a book that's what the whole book is about. It's just person to person relational forgiveness. You know what book that is? Who wants to take a stab at it? It's Philemon. All right, I I want you to turn there.

  04:52-04:53

  Philemon is a little book.

  04:54-04:55

  It's only like one page in your Bible.

  04:56-04:57

  It's the shortest of Paul's letters.

  04:58-05:03

  And how I always find it, go near the back of your New Testament and find the book of Hebrews.

  05:03-05:05

  And Philemon is the book right before Hebrews.

  05:06-05:07

  All right, so turn there.

  05:10-05:11

  Turn louder so I know that you're doing it.

  05:15-05:15

  That's better.

  05:16-05:16

  Better.

  05:19-05:27

  Again, Philemon is unique. It's an individual letter regarding an individual issue.

  05:30-05:35

  You know, the other letters that Paul wrote were to churches or to pastors dealing with congregational issues.

  05:35-05:45

  Philemon is unique because Paul's like, "This is just to one guy because of one issue." It was written at the same time as Colossians during Paul's Roman imprisonment.

  05:47-05:55

  So who was Philemon? Well, he was a man who was led to Christ by Paul and he had a slave that ran away.

  05:55-05:59

  Anybody know the name of the slave? Onesimus.

  06:01-06:08

  Onesimus. Well, Onesimus runs from Philemon and he ends up in Rome and somehow he finds Paul.

  06:08-06:10

  How did he find Paul? I don't know.

  06:10-06:18

  I don't know if he stumbled upon him somehow or if Onesimus was actually looking for Paul.

  06:20-06:24

  The scripture really doesn't say how he found him, but we know that he found him.

  06:27-06:29

  Well, what's the big deal with a runaway slave?

  06:29-06:33

  Well, in Roman culture, a runaway slave was considered a criminal.

  06:35-06:44

  And actually, in verse 18, that we'll be looking at in a couple of weeks, It looks like Onesimus might have stolen some money from Philemon when he hit the road.

  06:46-06:56

  So now you have this runaway criminal slave that stole money, runs into Paul, and when he runs into the Apostle Paul, what do you think the Apostle Paul talked to him about?

  06:58-07:02

  Like, you know, "How about them pirates?" Right? No.

  07:03-07:06

  What do you think Paul talked to Onesimus about?

  07:07-07:23

  He shared the gospel with him, right? That's like what Paul did 24/7. Great inspiration. Everybody he ran into. "Hi, I'm Paul, but let me tell you about Jesus." Well, he shares Christ with Onesimus and Onesimus receives the Lord, so now we have a little bit of a situation.

  07:27-08:07

  Onesimus, you're a Christian now, but you're also a criminal, technically, and a thief. So what should he do? You need to go back. You need to go back to Philemon, the one that you ran from and the one that you stole from. You need to go back. And actually he was sent back. He was sent back to Colossae with Tychicus. Remember when we went through our series in Colossians, Tychicus was actually Paul's mailman. He was delivering these epistles and Onesimus was sent back with him.

  08:09-08:31

  Well, here's the danger. Philemon could have killed him. He could have killed Onesimus because slaves were not treated as human beings. They were treated as property. They were sold. They were exchanged. They were given. So that's what prompted this letter.

  08:32-08:41

  Philemon, in his day, would have culturally been in the right to kill Onesimus when he showed up.

  08:44-08:46

  But Paul says, I'm sending a letter with you.

  08:48-08:49

  And make sure Philemon gets this.

  08:51-08:55

  Before we get into the text, let me just take a second here to talk about slavery.

  09:00-09:02

  Slavery was part of Roman society.

  09:02-09:10

  In fact, in the first century, a third of the population estimated to be slaves, one third.

  09:13-09:18

  When you get to New Testament times, the conditions for slaves were actually improving.

  09:18-09:19

  And do you know why?

  09:21-09:26

  Because the masters had found that contented slaves actually worked better.

  09:27-09:29

  That's what led to improvement in conditions.

  09:30-09:42

  And the truth is, they were better off than the free poor people, because the slaves at least had food and lodging and could even learn trades from their master.

  09:44-09:48

  But understand this, the New Testament does not attack slavery.

  09:53-10:26

  The purpose for that-- the New Testament certainly doesn't condone slavery encourage slavery, except to Christ. But you see, as the gospel was spreading, there would have been a real danger for the gospel to be swallowed up in social reform. And sadly, that's what's happening with a lot of churches. God forbid we ever get down this road where our goal is, "Let's just go after social reform.

  10:26-10:35

  Let's go after social reform. Let's go out and try to correct some wrongs in society." And that doesn't do it.

  10:37-10:43

  God actually did something better to turn the course of slavery.

  10:44-10:47

  He changed the hearts of the slaves and the slave owners.

  10:48-10:51

  And that is eventually what eradicates the issue. Do you get that?

  10:52-11:00

  Instead of God saying, "Let's just attack the issue," God says, "I'm going to change the hearts of people." That's what's going to change it.

  11:05-11:59

  It was always a horrible thing. And even in cases where slaves preferred to be with their masters, you know, bond servants. We still see that the gospel did something better than social reform. It's heart transformation, right? So let's look at Philemon. Are you there? Look at the introduction here, verses 1 through 3, where the Apostle Paul writes, "Paul, a prisoner for Jesus Christ." This is the only letter where he starts that way. Paul, a prisoner for Jesus Christ, and Timothy, our brother. Remember a few weeks ago when Dave Whitcomb shared with us about Timothy. What did you call him? A loser?

  12:03-13:34

  to Philemon, our beloved fellow worker, and Aphia, our sister, and Archippus, our fellow soldier. Some scholars believe that Aphia is actually Philemon's wife and Archippus is his son. And the church in your house, grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." Now the purpose of this letter, as I said, you have Onesimus coming back home but he's a believer now and he's coming to Philemon who is a believer, so the purpose is to bring reconciliation between now Christian brothers. So because this is the goal, Paul's going to start this letter by reminding Philemon who he is in Christ. See, this is really important. Paul didn't just say, you know, "Dear Philemon, forgive him." Love Paul. He starts this by saying, "Philemon, remember who you are in Christ. Not forgive Forgive Onesimus because I say so, or forgive Onesimus because he's a good guy, or forgive Onesimus because the offense really wasn't too bad.

  13:35-13:39

  You need to forgive him because that's who you are in Christ.

  13:42-14:03

  I'd like to remind you, church, that if your forgiveness is always based on the nature of the offense, or the frequency of the offense, or the other person, you're always going to be all over the board. Well, I'll forgive him for this because I like him, but that was a bad offense. But if that guy does that to me, I'm never going to forgive him.

  14:04-14:25

  And we start seeing all these inconsistencies and your forgiveness can't be based on anything other than who you are in Christ. And that's what makes it across the board, right? Because forgiven people do what? What do they do?

  14:26-14:43

  They forgive. So today what we're going to learn is forgiven people forgive because that is who I am in Christ. What we're going to be looking at today, this This is an identity issue.

  14:45-14:49

  And after the sermon last week, I had several people come to me and talk to me.

  14:51-14:54

  God's really working on this forgiveness thing in me.

  14:55-14:58

  He's stirring my heart and I realize that I have some bitterness.

  15:01-15:02

  This is an identity issue.

  15:05-15:07

  Who are you in Christ?

  15:10-15:19

  Because that is going to be the basis from which you're going to learn how to forgive like Christ.

  15:21-15:23

  You know, this week I was trying to think of a way to illustrate this.

  15:23-15:28

  Why would Paul start this letter talking about who he is in Christ?

  15:28-15:31

  He's not trying to flatter him or, you know, tell me something I don't know, Paul.

  15:32-15:38

  Why does he start this letter in verses 4 through 7 that we're going to look at here in a second?

  15:39-17:55

  saying all these things about him, well he's saying, "I'm going to talk to you about forgiveness, but we're going to start with this foundation, knowing who you are in Christ." And the best way to illustrate that, my wife and I were talking, actually when we first met the Whitcombs, I didn't know them from any, but they invited us over to their house and they had like some amazing cheesecake and some even better coffee and we got to meet them and I had no idea who they were. So a lot of times when I meet new people interested in the church, I like to ask questions to sort of get a feel for where they're at doctrinally with the Bible, you know, church philosophy, etc. And something came up about origins, right? So I've been sort of a armchair, you know, creation science student over the years and I sort of threw that out. Like, you know, here's what I believe about creation and here's some reason I believe in creation science. Typically how people respond to that tells me how they believe in the Word of God and what studies they've done, etc, etc. Well, later on that evening, Chris actually handed me a copy of the Genesis record. She's like, you know this book?" And I'm like, "Yeah, who doesn't know this book?" You know, back when churches were trying to accommodate evolutionary science by, "Maybe the Bible doesn't really say that." Here's a man named John Whitcomb saying, "We, you know, we have reason to believe. God's Word is true and science actually backs it up." And Chris is like, "Yeah, John is Dave's dad." And I'm like, "Oh, so what you're telling me is, I don't need to sell you on creation, right?" Like, that was completely taken off the table. I didn't need to sit there for a couple hours and say, "Well, you know, because I believe the Bible is literally true, here's why I believe in creation, and here's..." I'm like, "You guys are already sold." Well, see, That's sort of what Paul's doing to Philemon here.

  17:55-18:05

  Like, I'm going to talk to you about forgiveness, but listen, you already know something about forgiveness because you're forgiven in Christ.

  18:06-18:07

  And what are forgiven people do?

  18:08-18:09

  Forgiven people forgive.

  18:10-18:11

  So that's why he started that way.

  18:11-18:12

  Does this make sense?

  18:12-18:13

  Are you with me?

  18:14-18:15

  All right, do I need to start over?

  18:16-18:17

  No. All right.

  18:19-18:20

  Here it is.

  18:21-18:22

  Draw these notes down.

  18:24-18:26

  I forgive because of who I am in Christ, first of all.

  18:30-18:33

  Because I trust Christ, I forgive.

  18:35-19:02

  Let's actually read through the passage and we'll go back and pick up some of these points, but Paul says, I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.

  19:04-19:15

  For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

  19:18-19:24

  So laying the foundation, number one, first of all, because I trust Christ, I forgive.

  19:26-21:27

  Did you see that in verses four and five? He says, "I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers." Why? Well, look at the middle phrase in verse five. He's saying it's because of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus. How many people here are big fans of Paula Deen? Paula Deen fans? One. I was afraid this illustration was gonna tank, but we have one. Well, who's Paula Deen? Anybody know who Paula Deen is? She's a chef, right? So if, other than Dale, who I'm sure we all suspected, but if you came to me and you're like, "I'm a big follower of Paula Deen." Well then you know something about cooking, right? You're like, "Oh no, I don't know a thing about cooking." Like, wait, Paula Deen the chef? Right? Or is there like some other Paula Deen, like your next-door neighbor, or like, you know, this co-? Obviously if you follow Paula Deen, you probably know something about cooking, right? Well that's why Paul, starting this letter to Philemon, says, "You know Christ, so you already know something about forgiveness. As a Christ follower, my life is dedicated to the one who is all about forgiveness." Understand this, the unsaved, if you're here this morning and you don't know Jesus Christ, you don't have the resources to forgive, as we'll be talking about these next few weeks. You don't have the resources. So if you don't know Christ and you're coming to me saying, "You know, I just can't I can't forgive. I hate that person." If you don't know Christ, I'm just like, "Well, that makes sense." But if you're someone, you know, "I've been walking with Christ for months or for years, and He's been changing me and leading me," then the forgiveness issue is sort of off the table.

  21:27-21:31

  Like, you know what forgiveness is all about.

  21:34-21:38

  So I shouldn't have to sell you on it because you trust Jesus Christ.

  21:40-21:41

  You have the resources, don't you?

  21:42-21:45

  He models it, he commands it.

  21:47-21:53

  But more importantly for us today, I'd like to remind you that he empowers it.

  21:55-21:58

  It is Christ in you that gives you the strength.

  22:00-22:04

  Remember, Jesus said in John 15, apart from me, you can do what?

  22:04-22:08

  Nothing. That includes forgive and offense.

  22:09-22:10

  You can't do it.

  22:10-22:17

  You can't in your flesh try to muster up enough magical forgiveness power.

  22:17-22:19

  You can't do it. You don't have it.

  22:19-22:23

  It's only Christ in you that gives you the ability to do that.

  22:25-22:26

  But isn't it freeing?

  22:27-22:30

  Isn't it freeing that the decision is made ahead of time?

  22:30-22:31

  Isn't that freeing?

  22:32-22:34

  The decision is made ahead of time.

  22:36-22:47

  Like if I say, "Jane Auer, if you get offended tomorrow, are you going to seek to forgive the person that offends you tomorrow?" Absolutely. I knew he was going to say that.

  22:48-22:54

  Because for him, a follower of Jesus Christ, the decision has been made ahead of time, right?

  22:55-23:03

  Amanda Frederick, at work this week, if somebody offends you, are you going to seek to forgive that person?

  23:04-23:11

  She didn't even hesitate. I didn't even have the question out. She's like, "Yeah." Why? Because the decision is made ahead of time.

  23:12-23:15

  Because I trust Christ, I forgive.

  23:17-23:21

  Secondly, because I love Christ's people, I forgive.

  23:21-23:28

  Look at verse 5 again. The structure in the Greek, it's a little unusual to us in the English.

  23:28-23:38

  It says, "Because if I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints." Like, wait a minute, are you saying that you have, you put your faith in the saints?

  23:38-23:43

  It's really not that type of structure. It's more like an A-B-B-A type structure.

  23:44-23:49

  But the word love really goes with the phrase, for all the saints.

  23:53-23:55

  Because I love Christ's people, I forgive.

  23:59-24:01

  Relationships are more important than my being offended.

  24:02-24:03

  Can you say that?

  24:05-24:07

  I'll tell you what, it's been hard for me at times to say that.

  24:09-24:18

  My offense and holding onto this grudge is more important than me having relationship with that person. I've been there. And God said to do some work in me.

  24:19-24:40

  How about you? Relationships are more important. Relationships. And if I asked you, "Well, do you love the people here?" Some of you are like, "Well, this is my first time here. I don't know these people." Do you love the people here? We'll see.

  24:43-24:45

  Yesterday, it was easy to love everybody from here.

  24:46-24:54

  'Cause we're like playing and, you know, Aaron and I are like trashing people at Ladder Golf and trashing people at Ladder Golf.

  24:55-25:01

  I mean, it was like Derek Jeter showing up at a wiffle ball game.

  25:06-25:07

  At least that's how I choose to remember it.

  25:09-25:12

  But it was easy, we're eating, we're having a good time.

  25:12-25:13

  Johnny Tatum's here, we're having fun.

  25:14-25:16

  And it was easy to love people there.

  25:16-25:18

  But let's see what happens when you're offended.

  25:19-25:20

  Do you still love?

  25:22-25:24

  Again, the decisions made ahead of time.

  25:24-25:26

  Because I trust Christ, I forgive.

  25:26-25:29

  But also because I love Christ's people, I forgive.

  25:30-25:32

  I care more about people than my grudge.

  25:32-25:34

  I care more about relationships than revenge.

  25:37-25:40

  You may not become best friends with the person.

  25:41-25:45

  But you have released them from the debt of injury.

  25:49-25:51

  Pastor Jeff, it's so hard.

  25:52-25:55

  It's so hard to love someone you don't like.

  25:57-25:58

  Can we get a testimony on that?

  25:58-26:00

  Is it hard to love someone you don't like?

  26:02-26:03

  It is.

  26:05-26:06

  But that's grace.

  26:08-26:09

  That's the Jesus way.

  26:10-26:12

  You know, the word for love here is agape.

  26:12-26:15

  That's the "you ahead of me" type of love.

  26:18-26:29

  That even though you've wronged me, even if you've offended me, I'm still going to seek to put you and your needs ahead of me and mine.

  26:31-26:32

  That's not easy.

  26:35-26:36

  But that's Jesus' way.

  26:38-26:45

  So because I love Christ's people, I forgive. Thirdly, because I belong to Christ's church, I forgive.

  26:48-27:00

  This is where I want to camp out for a couple of minutes because verse 6, verse 6 is like sucking in a bullion cube.

  27:00-27:06

  There's like, it's like so much in there, you know, and so let's camp out here for a second.

  27:08-27:11

  Sorry to give you that, that thought.

  27:12-27:13

  So is there anybody doing that right now?

  27:16-27:16

  Okay.

  27:18-27:20

  Because I belong to Christ Church, I forgive.

  27:20-28:02

  Verse six, "And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective." stop there for a second. When he talks about the sharing of your faith, when I first read that I thought he was talking about handing out gospel tracts. You know, I'm sharing my faith, sharing my faith. Here, here's a gospel tract. Here, here's a gospel tract. Read it. Jesus loves you and here's... that's not what he's talking about actually. Actually the word sharing in the Greek is koinonia. It can also be translated communication or fellowship or partnership.

  28:04-28:05

  That's what koinonia is.

  28:08-28:09

  It's fellowship.

  28:10-28:11

  But understand this again in the church.

  28:12-28:14

  What do we typically think of when we hear the word fellowship?

  28:16-28:18

  Oh, that's when we get together and eat, right?

  28:19-28:20

  We're fellowshiping.

  28:20-28:21

  We're eating together.

  28:23-28:36

  When I was a kid, Darren, you remember, we'd go to those potluck dinners, and it would just be like, this was, God's growing me, but as a kid I was just like, I gotta find the thing that mom made.

  28:37-29:02

  Because that's the only thing I'm sure came from a safe house, right? Oh come on, you've thought it too. That's not fellowship. That might be suffering for the cause of Christ, but that's not fellowship. If you would have had some of that meatloaf, you would have been like, "Amen!" Trust me. Here's what fellowship is.

  29:03-29:18

  It's also more than, "I like you. I like you. Welcome to Harvest Bible Pittsburgh, North. I like you. You're my friend. It's more than that.

  29:19-29:28

  Here's what fellowship is. It's this. We belong together. We belong together.

  29:30-30:05

  We are individual parts of a body. That's what fellowship is. Paul was telling Philemon, "Onesimus, he's your brother in Christ now, so your love for the fellowship, your partnership for the gospel, is even more incentive to forgive." And he writes that your fellowship of the faith, your partnering in the gospel, may be, my Bible translates this, effective.

  30:09-30:12

  Actually, the Greek word literally means powerful.

  30:14-30:17

  That's the effect that forgiveness is going to have on the church.

  30:17-30:19

  It's going to be powerful.

  30:22-30:26

  Every week when we close the service, what are the last three words that we say every week?

  30:26-31:50

  say one two three you are loved we say that every week right listen this can't be a place of people harboring resentments and will these people sit over here because they don't like these people over here and no resentment no resentment you know Johnny had talked briefly about you know harvest core groups getting together and working towards launch and look I'll tell you what the leadership here and our leaders will tell you we have had to deal with issues haven't we Ken and we had to deal with issues don't be shy Michelle we had to deal with issues we've had to deal with issues we've had to there have been times that I've had to ask for forgiveness which God is still growing me in. There have been times that I've had to forgive. But don't picture like, you know, last September, like this core group, we were all walking arm-in-arm down the yellow brick roads singing that ridiculous song. There were some times of this. Wonder Sammy. There were times I'm like, "Sam, I need you to to come over to my house.

  31:50-31:50

  Like, why?

  31:50-31:53

  Because I want to headbutt you in the nose.

  31:55-32:00

  He's like, well, I'm on my way with the back of my hand.

  32:02-32:03

  We've had those times, didn't we, Sam?

  32:04-32:05

  Those were good times, weren't they?

  32:06-32:07

  The answer is no.

  32:08-32:10

  So like, what kept us going through that stuff?

  32:10-32:11

  What kept us going?

  32:15-32:18

  because we were partners in something bigger than ourselves.

  32:19-32:30

  My little disagreement about this, that, or the other with any of the leader teams, or their disagreement with us, we didn't let that drive a wedge because the bigger picture was, God wants his church planted, right?

  32:31-32:34

  He's been providing in miraculous ways.

  32:34-32:38

  Hello, just in the last couple of months, the way God has provided.

  32:40-32:41

  Like, did you see our new podium?

  32:43-32:48

  God has been providing in amazing ways because we knew that God wanted us to plant this church.

  32:48-32:52

  God wanted the name of his son lifted high and glorified.

  32:53-32:57

  God was seeking worshippers to worship him in spirit and in truth.

  32:57-32:59

  That's the thing that drove us.

  32:59-33:03

  OK, so we had some issues and we dealt with them and we moved on.

  33:03-33:05

  What were the issues? I don't even remember now.

  33:05-33:07

  But that's how it is in the church.

  33:07-33:09

  We deal with them and we move on.

  33:11-33:14

  Right? Because what matters is the mission.

  33:16-33:19

  We love God and we love people, but we're committed to the mission.

  33:19-33:25

  And Johnny, I'm sorry the whole phrase didn't fit on the sign, but if you grab a Sharpie, maybe we can fix that.

  33:26-33:27

  But it was the mission.

  33:28-33:31

  We want to glorify God through the fulfillment of the Great Commission in the spirit of the Great Commandment.

  33:32-33:34

  We kept our eyes on that.

  33:36-33:38

  That is the fellowship of the faith.

  33:42-33:47

  Oh, what would the church be like if we were still hanging on to these pockets of unforgiveness?

  33:47-33:48

  What would the church be like?

  33:49-33:51

  Well, first of all, nobody in the leader team would talk to me.

  33:53-34:03

  It'd just be like I'd show up on Sunday, and it'd be like, "I'm still mad at you, boy." And frankly, there's some people that I wouldn't talk to.

  34:04-34:08

  Like, yeah, you go park out back. I don't want to see you.

  34:12-34:14

  Well, the ministry would be stifled, that's what would happen.

  34:14-34:15

  The ministry would be stifled.

  34:16-34:21

  I don't want to talk to the worship team and the finances people don't want to talk to me and the children's ministry.

  34:22-34:25

  Forget them. The ministry would be stifled.

  34:25-34:35

  You see, that's why he says at the end of this, at the end of verse 6, "For the sake of Christ." We're on a mission together.

  34:35-34:38

  We're on a mission to experience God's glory together.

  34:42-34:45

  So because I belong to Christ's church, I forgive.

  34:49-34:54

  And finally. Because I am growing in Christ.

  34:56-35:00

  I forgive. Because I am growing in Christ, I forgive.

  35:01-35:03

  Look back at verse six again.

  35:03-35:06

  This is a really meaty verse.

  35:06-35:21

  He says, "But I pray that the sharing of your faith, you know, the fellowship, the partnership that you have may become effective or powerful." You're like, well, powerful for what?

  35:21-35:23

  Well, look at this phrase very closely.

  35:27-35:45

  for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ." Now, when he talks about knowledge here, he's not talking about facts, okay?

  35:46-35:54

  Literally, this is deep, rich, full experiential knowledge.

  35:55-35:57

  That's what he's talking about here.

  35:58-36:00

  This is not just here's something I learned from a book.

  36:01-36:02

  I read this this morning.

  36:02-36:03

  Now I know this.

  36:04-36:07

  He's talking about you've experienced this.

  36:07-36:10

  So you know this on a whole nother level.

  36:12-36:13

  For example.

  36:16-36:20

  Moms or moms to be, Alicia, have you read What to Expect, What you're expecting?

  36:21-36:21

  You've read that.

  36:22-36:23

  We read that, didn't we, Aaron?

  36:23-36:24

  Okay.

  36:27-36:30

  How many other mothers read that book, What to Expect, We Were Expecting a Few?

  36:31-36:31

  Okay.

  36:33-36:39

  Now tell me, moms, when you read that book, you learned some things, right?

  36:41-36:52

  But after having a child and dealing with the up all night, not sleeping, fussy baby, That's how it was in our house.

  36:54-36:59

  Did you learn the facts from that book in a completely different level after experiencing them?

  37:00-37:02

  Did you learn that in a different level?

  37:04-37:05

  You're in for a treat, Alicia.

  37:07-37:07

  Right?

  37:09-37:12

  Because you're learning. I have no doubt. Alicia is an extremely intelligent woman.

  37:12-37:13

  She's learning.

  37:16-37:22

  But once she's here, you're going to be like, "Now I really get it.

  37:23-37:33

  Now I really understand." Well, I haven't had any babies personally, so when I was thinking about this, I thought about, have you ever seen this exercise program called Insanity?

  37:34-37:34

  Have you seen that?

  37:35-37:37

  There's infomercials on it all the time.

  37:39-37:42

  Well, I've shared with you before weakness.

  37:42-37:44

  I'm a sucker for infomercials.

  37:44-37:44

  I just am.

  37:46-37:49

  Literally, insanity is the only thing I've ever bought from an infomercial.

  37:49-37:52

  Actually, Aaron bought it for me, so I still have a squeaky clean record.

  37:53-37:55

  But I love infomercials.

  37:55-37:59

  Well, that Insanity one just completely-- I was enamored with it.

  38:00-38:05

  Because you get these guys on there, they're all sweating, and they got like their six pack gone.

  38:07-38:08

  They're like, there's no secret to this.

  38:08-38:09

  It's hard.

  38:09-38:10

  It's hard work.

  38:10-38:13

  And if you stick with the program, you'll be ripped like me.

  38:13-38:19

  And I'm watching it and watching it, And I'm just like, that looks hard.

  38:20-38:23

  You know, you do all these, my wife describes it.

  38:23-38:28

  She says, when I do insanity, she says, I'm dancing around the living room like a ninny.

  38:33-38:40

  But you do all these movements, you know, plyometric circuits and things like that, all these jumping jacks and all these goofy things.

  38:40-38:44

  So I'm watching it and I'm like, yeah, you know what, that looks hard.

  38:45-38:46

  Well, I got it.

  38:48-38:50

  And the first day is just a fit test.

  38:50-38:53

  You do these little exercises just to see how in shape you are.

  38:53-38:56

  No joke, the only thing I could think the whole time was don't throw up.

  38:57-38:57

  Don't throw up.

  38:58-39:00

  Seriously, the whole time.

  39:00-39:03

  And then you get to the first actual series of exercises.

  39:04-39:06

  I was like, who does this?

  39:07-39:10

  I mean, this dude on TV is like ripped.

  39:10-39:17

  And he's face down on the floor in a puddle of sweat, like scooping his lungs back into his body.

  39:18-39:22

  Like insanity, aptly named, I would say.

  39:24-39:35

  But here again, I saw and understood that it was going to be hard, but I didn't really understand until I actually did it.

  39:36-39:36

  Right?

  39:37-40:21

  Well, see, that's what Paul is driving at here knowledge. He says full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. Let me ask you, do you want to know Christ or do you want to know about Christ? Which one do you want? If I gave you a choice this morning and said how many people here want to know about Christ? Some of you would raise hand. I'm like, OK, how many of you instead would want to actually know Christ? How many people would sign on for that? I don't just want to know about Jesus. I want to know Jesus.

  40:24-40:28

  That's what he's talking about here, every good thing that is in us.

  40:28-40:32

  You see, that's the beauty of growing in Christ, because here it is.

  40:34-40:35

  You already have.

  40:36-40:39

  Every spiritual blessing in Christ, you already have it.

  40:42-40:57

  Growing in Christ is His way of taking you on your journey through life, so that you are discovering what He has in you.

  40:59-40:59

  Do you see that?

  41:00-41:06

  He says, "Every good thing that is in us," He says, "it's already in you." If I leave it, you already have it.

  41:08-41:10

  But you need to grow in the experience.

  41:13-41:15

  You need to discover it through experience.

  41:15-41:19

  You see, or to put it this way, I could preach all day giving you Bible facts.

  41:20-41:26

  But the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us comes only when you experience Jesus at work in you.

  41:29-41:30

  That's when you know.

  41:34-41:43

  You will know grace and forgiveness when you let Jesus Christ work grace and forgiveness through you.

  41:49-41:50

  That's what Paul is driving at here.

  41:54-41:57

  You can tell he is really setting him up because this is a big issue.

  41:57-42:08

  So He is setting him up in a big way to say, "Listen, I don't want to tell you what I am about to tell you before I remind you thoroughly of who you are in Christ.

  42:12-42:23

  And you need to learn what it is that Christ has for you, because He already has it in you.

  42:24-42:31

  He just wants you to discover it." And that's going to manifest itself through forgiveness.

  42:34-42:51

  And there's somebody still sitting here, I promise you, there's somebody still sitting here saying, "But I don't want to forgive." Jeff, I hear what you're saying, I see what the Bible's saying, but Jeff, I'm just going to be completely honest.

  42:51-43:29

  You don't have to raise your hand, but there's somebody sitting here right now saying, "I you but I don't want to forgive I don't want to well which is going to take you to a better place forgiveness or unforgiveness which one which is more in line with your identity in Jesus Christ forgiveness or unforgiveness which one Which is going to accomplish God's purpose to conform you to the image of His Son?

  43:30-43:33

  Forgiveness or unforgiveness? You know that's God's goal, right? Romans 8, 29.

  43:34-43:39

  God's goal for you is to conform you into the image of His Son.

  43:40-43:43

  What's going to accomplish that in your life?

  43:44-43:49

  Choosing to forgive or choosing unforgiveness?

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Philemon 1:1-7

Breakout Questions:
Pray for one another.