Introduction:
Proverbs 19:11 - Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
What is NOT "overlooking"?
- Getting Even
- Holding a Grudge
- Slander
How Do I Overlook an Offense? When You Are "Triggered", Ask Yourself:
- Is there some Truth here? Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
Proverbs 27:6 - Faithful are the wounds of a friend...
Luke 11:37 - While Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee asked him to dine with him, so he went in and reclined at table.
- Is there a chance I Misunderstood what was said? Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
1 Corinthians 13:7 - Love... believes all things...
- Am I making a big deal out of a Minor issue? Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
Philippians 4:5 - Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
- Is this a Lost person just acting like a Lost lost person? Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
Luke 23:34 - Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.
- Do I Love the offender? Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
Proverbs 10:12 - ...love covers all offenses.
Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
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00:47-00:51
Open up your Bibles with me, please, to Proverbs 19.
00:54-01:05
In a day of so much division in our country, there is something that we can all agree on.
01:07-01:09
We are all offended.
01:12-01:14
It's ingrained in us, true or false.
01:15-01:23
Now watch closely because anything at all that's said, anything that's said, there's got to be a way that that can offend me.
01:24-01:26
There just has to be a way that that can offend me.
01:27-01:29
And you see it in the public outcry.
01:31-01:42
You know, I remember years ago, there was this public outcry against that old TV show, "The Dukes of Hazard," because the Confederate flag was on top of the car.
01:43-01:45
So we had to pull the show from TV.
01:46-01:52
And it can be sports teams' names, it can be statues in the park, it can be tweets by comedians.
01:52-01:58
I read this past week that certain Muslims are offended by Peppa Pig.
01:59-02:01
Do you know what Peppa Pig is?
02:02-02:04
It's a cartoon for babies.
02:07-02:17
Also, I heard recently that, um, Next big wave of offense here is they are remaking Disney's The Little Mermaid.
02:17-02:20
Have you heard about this? Okay, get ready to be offended.
02:21-02:25
They're remaking The Little Mermaid and they're casting an African-American girl to play The Mermaid.
02:28-02:36
And people were like offended by that. Like what? You realize this is fiction, right?
02:38-02:40
We're talking about a fish.
02:42-02:46
There's the public things I could go on and on, but I'm not, because we're going to get to God's Word here in a second.
02:47-02:54
Then there's all the personal things that I've heard people take great offense over.
02:55-03:04
Things like, "They had cake in the break room, and they invited us to go back, but they didn't personally invite me, and I was offended." What?
03:05-03:10
I heard of a guy who was offended because another man never asked him to go golfing.
03:13-03:16
I didn't appreciate her comment about my outfit.
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I can't believe the guy at work told me, "Don't be so sensitive." Can you believe somebody would have the audacity to tell me not to be so sensitive?
03:28-03:37
I also read this week, did you know the phrase "man up" is now considered offensive? Did you know that?
03:38-03:39
You're not allowed to say that anymore.
03:39-03:42
Hey, hey, hey, man up. That's offensive.
03:43-03:44
That's offensive.
03:45-03:52
Like, Pastor Jeff, I don't know why you're telling us this, because surely the church people don't get offended.
03:54-03:57
Especially in the church, we get offended, right?
03:59-04:03
Just wait a couple months for Christmas time.
04:05-04:08
You know, think of some of the offenses of past years.
04:08-04:16
Remember, what was it, a couple of years ago, everybody was offended because of the color of the cups that Starbucks was using, do you remember that?
04:16-04:18
Everybody was all offended by that.
04:18-04:44
And then every year you're gonna get the list of stores or sent to your email address, it's going to boycott these stores, don't shop at these stores, because these stores say "Happy Holidays," they don't say "Merry Christmas." And right now I'm sure I've said something already, just in the introduction of the sermon, we're not even in the sermon yet, I'm sure I've said something in the introduction that has offended you.
04:48-04:53
And social media has given us all a platform, right?
04:53-04:54
Fight for your rights!
04:55-04:58
Let the world know that we are offended.
04:59-05:05
So today, we are going to talk about how to deal with offenses.
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You're like, "Oh yeah, yeah, I know.
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I know, I know, I know.
05:10-05:11
I know this sermon, Pastor.
05:12-05:15
You forgive people, you make restitution where it's necessary.
05:16-05:23
You go to the Matthew 18 process, you go to the person, take another person with you, you get the church involved, if they still don't listen to you...
05:23-05:26
Look, all of that is true. Absolutely all of that is true.
05:27-05:31
But today, that is not the particular truth that we're going to be focusing on.
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Today we're going to see something else the Bible prescribes, that if you diligently make this a practice, It will change your life for the better in a profound way.
05:51-06:10
And that's Proverbs 19.11 that says, "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is His glory to overlook an offense." Let's break it down.
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Good sense. Some Bibles say a man's discretion.
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That means the best choice.
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The best possible choice you can make is to be slow to anger. Why?
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Because that reflects the character of God.
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That's a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It's patience, right?
06:34-06:37
And it is His glory, meaning man's glory.
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It's a sign of maturity. It's a sign of grace. It's a sign of Christ-likeness.
06:45-06:53
To overlook, ignore, not notice an offense.
06:54-06:56
That's the breakdown, now let's say it in reverse.
06:57-07:11
If you look at the verse backwards, it's spiritually mature to overlook an offense, which you can do when you're slow to anger, and that choice comes from someone who uses good sense.
07:12-07:15
We could state the verse in opposite terms.
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Let's say, "It's stupid to fly off the handle, and it's a disgrace to hold on to an offense." "Oh, okay, this sermon is about not getting angry." Well, that's where it starts.
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But today, I want us to just focus on one word.
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All right?
07:40-07:53
We're just going to focus on one word today, and the word is "overlook." It's choosing...
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Now, this is going to sound so radical in America in 2019, but it's choosing to ignore an offense.
08:02-08:04
It's in one ear and out the other.
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It's... I'm just not going to let that affect me.
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By the way, as we talk about overlooking today, we're going to start off by saying this is not overlooking.
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What is not overlooking?
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Um, jot these things down.
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What is not overlooking?
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First of all, getting even.
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Obviously, that's... you're not overlooking an offense if you're thinking about or actively planning on getting even with the person that offended you.
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That is not overlooking, is it? Absolutely not.
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That's not overlooking.
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What else is not overlooking?
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Letter B is holding a grudge.
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Some people think, "If I overlook the person, that's overlooking the offense.
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I'm just going to ignore them, I'm just going to avoid them, I'm just not going to talk to them anymore." And that's not what the Bible tells you to do.
08:53-08:56
It's not overlooking the person, it's overlooking the offense.
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So that's not overlooking.
08:57-09:01
and let her see slander, that's not overlooking.
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Like, I'm not gonna address it with the person, but I'm gonna tell everybody else about it, I'm gonna tell them how it was wrong, I'm gonna tell everybody how wrong that person is.
09:11-09:14
Those things are not overlooking.
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I want you to listen to me closely.
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Sometimes, sometimes it is right to be offended.
09:27-09:33
And it is right to deal with that in a biblical, God-honoring way.
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Maybe a sin was committed, maybe someone's being abused, maybe there's been a real injustice, or the rights of the unborn.
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I would just say, if it offends God, it should offend us. Amen?
09:49-10:00
But if we're honest, if we're honest, Very few things that offend us fall into the category of making a federal case about.
10:03-10:07
So what I want us to look at today for a few minutes is how do I overlook an offense.
10:10-11:10
Okay, someone says something to you that immediately, in the flesh, you want to react because you feel offended or someone someone does something to you that you view as insensitive and you feel offended listen there is nothing wrong with feeling offended there is nothing wrong with that because feelings are just feelings. I'm not invalidating your feelings. You can't help how you feel, but you do choose how you deal with it. So how do I overlook an offense? So when you are triggered... Justin, is it... did the kids still say triggered? Is that still a thing?
11:12-11:14
I'm on point with that one? Okay.
11:15-11:23
Justin's my go-to for the HIP terminology because a lot of times, when I finally catch a buzzword, it's been out of circulation for seven years.
11:24-11:28
So how do I overlook an offense?
11:29-11:34
When you are triggered, just ask yourself these questions.
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These terminates would be great to stick in your Bible, or take to your bathroom mirror, or something.
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Ask yourself these questions. Number one, is there some truth here?
11:47-11:48
Is there some truth here?
11:49-11:54
If so, then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
11:54-12:03
Proverbs 27.6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." Meaning a true friend is sometimes going to tell you things that you don't want to hear.
12:04-12:08
A true friend is going to tell you things that might offend you, but you need to hear them.
12:08-12:11
And it's the faithful friend that does that.
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But step one, maybe most important, when you're tempted to react to an offense, the first step is to be objective.
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The comment that offended me, you need to ask yourself, "Is there some truth behind the comment?" My former church, we ran a week-long day camp.
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It was for the whole community, any kid in the community.
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It was a free week at camp. We would rent buses.
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And any kid at all, we would bus them up to camp and back every day.
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And we'd do a VBS, and we would provide lunch for them, and games, and prizes.
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And I spent a lot of time organizing that.
12:59-13:03
Usually worked for day camp. We had day camp usually in July.
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and I started working on it in February every year.
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A lot of time and effort and energy went into all of the coordination and volunteer training and getting word out in the neighborhoods.
13:19-13:39
But one year, shortly after day camp, a mother - we were at some other outreach down at a park, and a mother that was at the head of child at day camp, sort of reflecting in a week, she said, you know, it could have been a lot better organized.
13:42-13:46
And I made a very snarky reply.
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And I said, well, we're all entitled to our opinion.
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Now, that was wrong.
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But I got to tell you, I was offended.
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I said that because you know what I wanted to say.
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I wanted to say, do you have any idea how much time and effort I put into organizing this?
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You weren't part of that process.
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You just show up and let your kid reap the benefit and you criticize.
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my attitude was wrong.
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Because despite all of my efforts, the question with day camp that I had to ask myself was this, was it perfect?
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No.
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I had to step back and look at it objectively and say, okay, wait a second, wait, wait, wait.
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If this is one mother's perspective, then I need to look at it from her point of view.
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It could have been better organized, and I should not have reacted so offended.
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I was wrong to react in the way that I did.
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But hear me, church, I thought a lot this week.
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Why do we get so offended? Why are we so quick to be offended?
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And I think this is a big reason why.
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"Listen, we have a way of letting our emotions make us ignore the truth." In other words, we throw up the "I'm offended" flag, and that allows us to ignore the truth when it's something that we don't want to hear.
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You know that happened in Jesus' day.
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Just jot this reference down. I'm going to give you a quick paraphrase you can look this up later. Luke 11.37, "Jesus was dining with the Pharisees, and they were astonished that he didn't wash before dinner, and he rightly rebuked them." And he said, "You guys only care about the outside.
15:50-15:52
You only care about the external appearances.
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You neglect the internal, which is the priority." And then in verse 45, it says, "One of the lawyers said, 'Teacher, in saying these things, you insult us also.'" In other words, what were they saying to Jesus?
16:07-16:14
"I'm offended! I'm offended that you said that!" And then Jesus issued an apology.
16:16-16:29
He got on Twitter and he said, "If my comments offended anyone, I... no." No, in fact, that is not what Jesus said.
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Jesus replied, "Woe to you also." He doubled down on it!
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He said, "You burden people with burdens you yourselves don't bear." And here's the point.
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Jesus is saying, "You're so quick to point out that you're offended, so you don't have to objectively look at the truth behind the statement.
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I'm offended!" It's just a way of not examining the truth.
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But can you be objective?
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Can you step outside of your feelings for a minute?
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And take an honest, objective view of the statement that was made that bothered you.
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And you're like, "Well, Pastor Jeff, what if it's not really a matter of truth?
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What if it is just simply a matter of opinion?" Well, then that's even easier to overlook!
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And you don't have to be emotionally snarky about it!
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You can say, "You know what? People have opinions, and mine's different." And that's okay.
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So is there some truth?
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Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Number two, is there a chance I misunderstood what was said?
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Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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1 Corinthians 13.7 says, "Love believes all things." That doesn't mean every doctrine, true or false, love just says, "Oh, we believe everything." It's talking about believing the best about a person.
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So when someone says something that maybe was offensive, maybe it was offensive, and you're like, "I'm not sure how he meant that," we often default to the side of being offended.
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Why don't we try the benefit of the doubt instead?
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Why don't we say, "Maybe he was having a bad day when he said that." Maybe it came out wrong. Maybe he didn't mean it the way I understood it.
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Is there a chance I misunderstood what was said?
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Yeah? Okay, then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Number three, am I making a big deal out of a minor issue?
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Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Philippians 4-5 says, "Let your reasonableness be known to everyone." Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
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That thing that offended you, that statement that somebody made that offended you, how big of a deal is it? Is it really worth it? Is it going to matter in a week?
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So much of what we get offended over just isn't worth being offended over.
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I just run down a simple checklist in my mind right now.
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These days, did you deliberately insult my lord, my wife, or my kids?
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No? Okay. Then I'm going to overlook the offense.
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Am I making a big deal out of a minor issue?
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I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Number four, is this a lost person just acting like a lost person?
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If so, then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Luke 23, 34, "As Jesus was being crucified, you remember He cried out, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Now, yes, the people who were crucifying Jesus, they knew what they were doing, but Jesus pointed out they didn't really understand the depth of the crime that they were committing against the Lord of the universe.
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They couldn't understand fully.
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Because they were lost.
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And I want to ask you, church, are you offended by a hurtful comment that was made by a lost person?
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Because I'm about to give you some profound truth, and if you're wondering what I do all week, It's digging out such spiritual gold nuggets out of the minds, and here it is.
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Lost people act like lost people.
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Why does that always shock us?
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I mentioned previously how we get offended with retail stores during the holidays.
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I just want to remind you something again.
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and these are profound truths I'm laying out here.
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I hope you can take another one here.
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But Starbucks isn't church.
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Right?
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Target isn't church.
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Right?
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Here's the thing.
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If I come into Harvard's Bible Chapel, and we fail to mention the name of Jesus name of Jesus Christ here. That is a real problem.
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But when we go to Target, and they fail to rightly glorify the name of our Lord, honestly, that's just kind of expected. Right?
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Lost people act like lost people. You've got to consider the source.
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Number five, do I love the offender?
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Do I love the offender?
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Then I'm just going to overlook the offense.
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Proverbs 10:12 says, "Love covers all offenses." Every single offense, whether it's real, or whether it's perceived, I have a choice to make.
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My choice is this, who am I going to love?
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Am I going to love me and my rights?
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Am I going to love me and am I going to make my feelings a hill to die on?
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Or, am I going to love the offender enough to overlook the offense?
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Love covers all offenses.
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Like, "Yeah, Pastor Jeff, I hear all this stuff you're saying, but listen, what about when I'm really offended?
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What about when it's not just a misunderstanding?
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Someone sought to deliberately and personally offend me.
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How can I just overlook that?
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The answer is, it's grace. It's grace.
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We forgive others as God has forgiven us, right?
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Ephesians 4.32.
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Only true motivation to forgive is to remember how much you've been forgiven.
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This topic is addressed in a book called "Forgiven People Forgive," available at fine Christian book retail stores online, or you can just come up and take that one.
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That's a sermon for another day.
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That's your motivation for forgiveness.
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How much have I been forgiven?
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Jesus Christ was rightly offended by my sin.
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And the glorious thing about Christ is He didn't just overlook them.
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He didn't just overlook them.
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He died for our offenses so He could take our sin away to make them a non-issue.
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I promise you, you are going to be tempted to be offended this week.
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So, do you need to go the Matthew 18 route? Then do it.
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But more often than not, you'll find that you can go the Proverbs 19.11 route.
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It says, "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is His glory to overlook offense." Let's pray.
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Father in heaven, thank You for the truths of Your Word.
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Father, I pray for this fellowship here.
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Because where two or more are gathered, somebody's going to be offended by something at some point.
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Father, you know we're not trying to offend.
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It just happens.
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There's misunderstandings and we say things we don't mean.
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Father, I pray for this fellowship that we would be a people who embrace Proverbs 19.11.
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That we don't feel the need to take a battle to every little thing that maybe offended us, even if rightly offended us.
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Father, teach us what it means that it is our glory to overlook it.
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Father, teach us what it means to reflect the character of yourself, to be slow to anger.
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Give us the wisdom to make that happen.
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Father, we thank You for taking away our offenses through the ministry of Jesus Christ, and using that very work also as the ultimate example as to why we should be people who are quick to forgive.
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We praise You in Jesus' name, Amen.
Small Group Discussion
Read Proverbs 19:11
What was your big “take-away” from this passage / message?
Why do you think people seem so anxious to be offended today?
On a scale of 1-10, how easily offended are you? (1 = nothing offends me, 10 = everything offends me)When is it okay to be offended? How do you know when it is appropriate to be offended?
How does being “slow to anger” help you overlook offenses?
How does the forgiveness of Christ motivate you to overlook offenses?
Bonus: What was the craziest thing you’ve ever heard someone be offended over?
BREAKOUT
Pray for one another to grow in being slow to anger and quick to overlook offenses. What kind of a church would HBC be if we all lived by Proverbs 19:11?