Wisdom in my Friendships

  • Should I have unbelieving friends?
  • When is it wise to associate with non-Christians?

Case Study #1 Ruth and Naomi Leading Towards the Lord (Ruth 1)


Case Study #2 Lot and Sodom Leading Away from the Lord (Genesis 13-19)

  1. Unwise friendships first Disarm you (Prov 22:24-25)

  2. Unwise friendships ultimately Destroy you (Prov 22:21-22)

Case Study #3

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:16

    Amen. Before we look at Proverbs, I do want to say that, you know, in John chapter 15 and verse 13, Jesus said, "The greater love has no man than this, that he would," what?

    00:17-01:56

    "lay down his life for his friends." Jesus was talking about the sacrifice that he was going to make on the cross, and honestly it's hard not to think of that verse as we approach Memorial Day and we think back to the people who were willing to lay down their lives and obviously nobody's life being laid down can compare to the sacrifice that Jesus Christ has made. But Jesus shared a principle with us that that is the ultimate expression of love to be willing to lay your life down and we certainly want to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day and encourage people to remember the purpose for which we celebrate that day in our country. Amen. All right, Proverbs 1320, speaking of friends, we're concluding our series this week on the joy of committed relationships. And the title of this message is "Committed to my Friends" Wisdom in my friendships. Proverbs 13 20 says this, and keep your Bible handy, we're going to be flipping around to a couple places here today, but Proverbs 13 20 says this, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.

    01:58-02:05

    I especially want to speak to the younger people here, young adults. Young adults, are you listening?

    02:05-02:45

    look up here young adults. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. Young adults keep looking up here. Old adults too, but young adults. The companion of fools will suffer harm. To paraphrase, jot this down, we become like those with whom we spend time. True or false?

    02:46-02:52

    We become like those whom we spend time.

    02:53-02:59

    And right now I know there's some young people, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, I don't really think that's true." - No.

    03:01-03:02

    Brooke, how about exhibit A?

    03:05-03:15

    I just did a search on gangs, and this is a biker gang, obviously, if you notice the BMX bikes here.

    03:21-03:23

    That's actually my old gang, believe it or not.

    03:27-03:30

    We become like those with whom we spend time.

    03:30-03:36

    Exhibit B. This is my favorite, the matching track suits.

    03:37-03:45

    All right, if you're going to make a statement about what a tough gang you are, get your matching Adidas track suits and put your hoods up.

    03:47-03:51

    Exhibit C. We become like those with whom we spend time.

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    Actually, I was wrong.

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    This was my former gang right here.

    03:58-04:01

    We become like those with whom we spend time.

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    Do we have exhibit D?

    04:07-04:10

    All right, this is like elementary school gang.

    04:12-04:14

    We become like those with whom we spend time.

    04:14-04:16

    I don't even know, are those like gang symbols?

    04:19-04:24

    But I guarantee you one thing, these are a group of kids that would refer to themselves as being nonconformists.

    04:25-04:27

    Nobody tells us what to do.

    04:27-04:29

    Nobody tells us how to dress.

    04:30-04:30

    Oh, really?

    04:31-04:33

    Which is why you all look like each other, right?

    04:34-04:35

    Is that what you're saying?

    04:36-04:41

    Nobody tells you what to do except your friends, and you have to dress exactly like them.

    04:42-04:49

    But here's the problem a lot of times with these nonconformists is eventually-- look at exhibit-- what are we on?

    04:49-04:49

    E here?

    04:52-04:54

    No, there's, oh, wait a minute, I forgot this one.

    04:54-04:56

    Yeah, this is another biker gang.

    04:56-04:58

    Their hoods are just pulled too tight.

    04:58-04:59

    I like that picture.

    04:59-05:04

    Okay, but the problem with these people sometimes is this is where their nonconformity ends up.

    05:04-05:05

    Let's look at the last one, bro.

    05:07-05:08

    That is the last one?

    05:08-05:12

    Oh, there was another sweet picture of a gang that it must not have made the cut.

    05:13-05:14

    I must have cut and pasted that wrong.

    05:15-05:17

    But we'll talk about that in a bit.

    05:20-05:27

    But honestly, I just Googled some pictures of gangs, and image after image after image after image came up like those ones.

    05:29-05:31

    We become like those with whom we spend time.

    05:33-05:41

    Your godly friendships are going to help you to be more and more like Jesus Christ.

    05:41-05:42

    That's what we talked about last week.

    05:42-05:47

    In your friendships, you should be counseling and correcting and comforting one another.

    05:48-05:58

    ungodly friendships, according to the Proverbs, ungodly friendships, you will get hurt.

    06:00-06:02

    You will get hurt.

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    You can tell a lot about people by their closest friends.

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    You just can't.

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    If you brought to me the group of your closest friends and I was able to sit down and have coffee with them At the end of that, I'd be able to tell a lot about you because of the people that you would consider your closest friends.

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    If I was to sit in on your small group, and you're like, "These are my closest friends.

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    "These are people who are seeking the Lord.

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    "These are people that are growing "in the knowledge of God's word," that would tell me something about you.

    06:45-06:53

    But if your closest friends are a group of knuckleheads, that tells me something about you too.

    06:55-06:58

    Chances are you're a knucklehead.

    06:59-07:01

    So here's the question that we're going to ask today.

    07:02-07:03

    This is it.

    07:04-07:09

    Because a lot of Christians get-- they stumble up on this.

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    They have different convictions about this.

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    But here's the question on your outline.

    07:13-07:14

    should I have unbelieving friends?

    07:15-07:17

    Should I have unbelieving friends?

    07:17-07:19

    I mean, you saw what Proverbs said.

    07:20-07:27

    Proverbs says, you know, "If I walk with the wise, I become wise, "but the companion of fools suffers harm." So should I have unbelieving friends?

    07:28-07:34

    I'm sure we'd get a lot of different answers to that question if we surveyed people in this room, even.

    07:35-07:37

    I just wanna discuss it biblically.

    07:39-08:17

    Some would say, "Well, look, Pastor Jeff, it says right here, don't have unbelieving friends. I'd like to remind you that the book of Proverbs is not a book of laws. The book of Proverbs is a book of wisdom, right? Proverbs warns us of the dangers of close associations with godless people. So should I have non-christian friends? The answer is definitely yes, you should.

    08:23-08:43

    The Great Commission, Matthew 28 verse 19, Jesus said to go where? Go into all the nations. Going to all the nations. Oh and speaking of Jesus, what were the things that Jesus was constantly being accused of, insulted for, persecuted for?

    08:44-09:26

    There are a couple major things when you read through the Gospels people were always on Jesus' case about. One of them is healing on the Sabbath, right? You know, you heal on the Sabbath and... You know what the other one is? He eats with sinners." Did you ever notice that? Jesus is hanging out with tax collectors. Can you believe Jesus is sitting down at a table with prostitutes? In fact, in the book of Luke, chapter 15, Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son. He told that story in response to the holy rollers of his day criticizing the fact that he would sit down and eat with sinners.

    09:30-09:34

    I'd like to encourage you that evangelism has to happen naturally.

    09:36-09:38

    Evangelism has to happen naturally.

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    What's the fourth pillar of Harvest Bible Chapel?

    09:40-09:44

    Sharing the good news of Jesus with boldness.

    09:48-09:50

    Evangelism has to happen naturally.

    09:50-10:01

    It happens mostly through friendships when you have the opportunity to first show the love of Christ and ultimately have the opportunity to share the gospel of Christ.

    10:02-10:03

    It has to happen naturally.

    10:05-10:07

    And look, don't mishear me.

    10:08-10:14

    I'm all for people handing out gospel tracts and preaching on street corners and those kinds of things.

    10:14-10:43

    that's great. But the most effective evangelism happens naturally through the relationships that God has already put in your path. I had a rough couple of days this week. I got a I recall it was Thursday that a good friend of mine had passed away after heart surgery.

    10:48-10:59

    It's kind of an unusual story, the relationship, and if you're visiting with us, don't be shocked, but I was a professional wrestler for seven years.

    11:00-11:07

    And the one organization where I broke in where I trained, there was a guy there, his name was Bud.

    11:08-11:10

    He was Bud the referee, but Bud wasn't just a referee.

    11:11-11:18

    Bud pulled the trailer, and Bud set up the ring, and Bud repaired the ring, and Bud, he was just, you know people like that?

    11:18-11:19

    He just did everything.

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    And Bud had some heart problems, and the running joke with the guys was, Bud's never gonna die.

    11:29-11:39

    I mean, this was a guy that, you know, He'd have heart surgery and unhook himself and walk out of the hospital and then like walk across town because the ring needed fixed or something like that.

    11:41-11:47

    But he had heart surgery this past week and due to some complications, he didn't make it.

    11:50-11:59

    And last night I spent an hour and 49 minutes on the phone with a friend of mine who owns the wrestling organization sharing the gospel with him.

    12:00-12:02

    And the reason I'm sharing that story with you is this.

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    Here's a guy that, in another scenario, I'd never have the opportunity to talk to him for almost two hours about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

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    If I just went up to this guy cold and said, "Hi, pleased to meet you.

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    Can I talk to you about the gospel of Jesus Christ for two hours?" Is that going to happen?

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    But through the relationship that's been nurtured and through the friendship and through the years of, "He knows that I care about him, and he knows where I stand." God opened that door of opportunity to share the gospel with him.

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    And that's how evangelism has to happen.

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    I think we all sometimes feel the tension.

    12:52-12:57

    We can't be Amish in the sense of we just withdraw from the world entirely.

    12:58-13:03

    But you're like, "Well, hang on a second, Pastor Jeff, but we can't ignore the warning of Proverbs, right?

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    The companion of fools will suffer harm.

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    So what do we do?

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    What do we do?" Well, the next question on your outline, "When is it wise to associate with non-Christians?" Each situation really has to be evaluated on its own merits.

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    I want you to write this question down because here's the way you need to evaluate your relationships.

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    Am I drawing them closer to God or are they drawing me further away from God?

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    Write that down.

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    And that's how you should evaluate your relationships.

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    Am I drawing them closer to God, or are they drawing me further away from God?

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    That is where you need to apply wisdom in your relationships.

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    I can't answer that question for you.

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    I can't.

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    It's not my job.

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    If you come to me like, "Pastor Jeff, I have this pagan co-worker.

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    Should I be their friend?" Are you drawing them closer to God or are they drawing you further away from God?

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    Well, here's a couple of case studies.

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    Case study number one, let's talk about Ruth and Naomi leading towards the Lord.

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    Leading towards the Lord.

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    Do you know the story about Ruth and Naomi?

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    In the book of Ruth it begins with some tragic events.

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    Israel suffers a famine.

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    Naomi and her husband and her two sons move to the pagan region of Moab to find food.

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    While Naomi's husband dies and her sons marry Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth.

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    Well, before the famine is over, Naomi's sons die.

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    And Orpah and Ruth choose to live with Naomi.

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    So do you see this picture?

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    Here you have Naomi married, moves with her sons, and her husband dies, and then her sons die, and it's just her and her two daughters-in-law.

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    Once the famine is over, Naomi decides to go back to Israel, and Orpah and Ruth start to go with her, and on the way Naomi just tells them to turn around and return to Moab.

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    Well Orpah returns, but Ruth pleads to stay with Naomi.

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    She professes some level of faith and offers Naomi an unending friendship.

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    Well when they get to Israel, Ruth gathers food for Naomi and Naomi helps Ruth find a husband.

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    So in case study number one, was this a wise association or a foolish association for Naomi to befriend Ruth?

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    Wise or unwise?

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    It was wise, wasn't it?

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    Because Naomi ultimately led Ruth to God.

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    At no point in the story do we see Ruth leading Naomi away from God.

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    If so, Naomi would have had to probably reconsider the friendship.

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    Well, here's case study number two.

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    Let's talk about Lot and Sodom, or leading away from the Lord.

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    Now you know the story of Lot, right, back in Genesis chapter 13.

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    Lot actually was living with Abram, who we know as Abraham, who's Lot's uncle.

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    Well, in Genesis 13, you remember the story?

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    Like Abraham and Lot, they had so many herds and so much property and so many tents, and their wealth became too big to be supported by the land, and all the herdsmen started fighting over grazing land.

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    So Abraham, or Abram, offered the solution.

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    He goes, "All right, look, this is just not happening here.

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    We're getting too big to be sharing the space.

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    So look, you pick.

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    You pick.

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    You go over there, I'm going to go over here.

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    You go over here, I'm going to go over there.

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    You go this way, I'm going that way.

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    Abraham says, "I'm going to give you first pick, and I'll go where you don't go." Well, Lot chose to live outside of Canaan and near Sodom simply because it looked appealing.

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    Abraham went to Canaan, and Lot separated himself from the covenant people.

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    He knew the promises that God had made to Abraham, but he chose to live in Sodom.

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    In the New Testament terms, you could say that Lot chose the world instead of the church.

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    But jot these references down.

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    We're not going to turn to all of them, but I want you to see this.

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    Jot these references down.

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    These are all from Genesis.

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    Genesis 13, 12 says that Lot started out near Sodom.

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    And then when you get to Genesis 14, 12, it says that Lot was living in Sodom.

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    And then when you get to Genesis 19 and verse 1, Lot was actually sitting in the gateway of Sodom.

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    Do you see the progression here?

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    We're close and now we're in.

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    And now we're not just in, we're sitting where the men hang out.

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    We're immersing ourselves in the culture.

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    And when you get to 1914, you see that his daughters were pledged to be married to people from Sodom.

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    Lot made a series of sinful decisions.

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    The saddest one is in Genesis 19, 8, even offering up his daughters to be raped by a gang of men who were wanting to rape who they thought were men but were actually angels.

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    Now if you would have pulled Lot aside before he moved close to Sodom and said, "Lot, I think this is a bad idea, buddy.

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    Wicked people there.

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    And if you go there, you might end up doing something crazy like offering your daughters to be raped." Could you imagine?

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    At that point Lot would have said, "There is no way I'd do something like that to my own daughters." But what we see in Lot's life is a little compromise, a little compromise, a little compromise, a little compromise, and then all of a sudden Lot's like, "How did I get over here?" Listen young people, especially, that story is played out over and over and over again.

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    A little compromise here and a little compromise there, all of a sudden you're in a place you never imagined that you would be.

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    And nobody gets there in one step or in one day.

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    It's a series of progressions, a series of bad decisions take you to a place that you never imagined you'd be.

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    Unwise friendships have a really bad one-two punch.

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    Jot these down.

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    Number one on your outline, underneath case study two.

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    First of all, unwise friendships, the first thing they do is disarm you.

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    disarm you. Getting back to Proverbs, look at Proverbs 22 with me please, verses 24 through 25. First thing is unwise friendships, they disarm you. Proverbs 22 gives this warning, Verse 24, "Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare." Sin is so predictable.

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    It is so predictable.

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    first thing that happens, your view of sin gets clouded.

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    And the thoughts of what is true and God honoring and what is right, those thoughts get muddled.

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    All of a sudden, you start looking around, you know, it's not so bad.

    22:45-22:46

    This isn't so bad.

    22:47-22:47

    It's not so bad.

    22:48-22:57

    My parents were just being, you know, old-fashioned, square, out of touch, whatever the word is now.

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    That's not so bad.

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    But we are impressionable as people, true or false.

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    Children, we obviously see it.

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    We obviously see it in children.

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    But even adults mimic people without realizing it.

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    Think of the things that you joke about, your conversations, your habits.

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    These things seem to happen naturally.

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    According to Proverbs, it almost sounds like you're catching a disease.

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    Just by hanging out with these people, you start to act like them.

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    Or again, to put it in New Testament terms, you know, Ephesians 6 tells us to put on the armor of God.

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    But you know, when we start taking the armor off bit by bit, we leave ourselves naked and vulnerable.

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    Unwise friendships are like that.

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    First thing they do is disarm you.

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    And look over at chapter 24 and verse 21, because unwise friendships can ultimately destroy you.

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    And that's where he says, "My son, fear the Lord and the King, and do not join with those who do otherwise.

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    For disaster will arise suddenly from them, and who knows the ruin that will come from both. Unwise friendships can ultimately destroy you. And you're like, "Well, if this is what the Bible says, Pastor Jeff, how can I know that I'm in a friendship that might be bad news?" Well, here it is. I'll jot this down. Watch out for the friendship that would tempt you to rebel against authority.

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    It's an objective test.

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    Is this friendship, is this relationship, is it tempting me, first of all, to rebel against my parents, young people?

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    Are these friends telling me to do something that my parents wouldn't want me to do?

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    That's a sign of a bad friendship.

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    Is this friendship tempting me to get involved in something that's immoral, as in violating God's code?

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    That's a friendship that's bad news.

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    Is this friendship tempting me to do something that's illegal?

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    Notice he says, "Fear the Lord and the King." If your friends are doing something illegal, you're in a bad friendship.

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    And the consequences will catch up with you.

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    They will.

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    They'll catch up with you.

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    As many of you know, I ran a prison ministry for 10 years.

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    And over those 10 years, I've met a lot of inmates, a lot of different types of crimes, different lengths of sentences and different ages.

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    But you know, there was one common denominator amongst almost every one of those inmates.

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    Actually, two common denominators amongst every one of those inmates.

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    One is this, none of them ever thought they'd be in jail.

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    Right?

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    You think, oh, jail, that's where the really bad people go.

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    Now, you break the law, you go to jail.

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    And every single one of them were surprised to find themselves in jail.

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    But here's another common denominator.

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    When you talk to the guys about how they got in trouble-- and I never just came out like, hey, what are you in for?

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    Never did that.

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    But a lot of times, they'd want to talk, like, tell me your story.

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    You're never going to believe what the common denominator is in every single one of those stories.

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    I was with some buddies, who, then you can insert here, drinking, drugs, stealing, you know, insert whatever thing you want, but it always started with, I was with some buddies who.

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    And being in there, being in prison 10 years, I saw people, you know, in cycles, they'd get out of prison and then they'd end up right back in prison.

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    "Man, I thought you got out." I'm telling you, 99.9% of the time they would say, "Well, I did, but then I ran into some old buddies." Who? And I'm like, "You know, you can just stop right there. I know how the rest of the story goes." Do not join with those who do otherwise, for disaster will arise suddenly from them, and And who knows the ruin that will come from them both?

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    Every story started with a friend.

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    Interestingly as we talk about all things friendship and Ruth and Lot, do you know how Ruth and Lot are connected?

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    Lot's descendants eventually became the Moabites.

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    It was hundreds of years later that a Moabite woman named Ruth went to Israel with her mother-in-law, Naomi.

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    Eventually she married Boaz, had kids, and she had a son who became part of a bloodline of David and eventually Jesus Christ. My point is this, you know, God's redemptive plan here came full circle. He is at work to fulfill his plans. But as I close, I want us to look at case study number three. Who is case study number three?

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    Well, case study number three is me.

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    And it's you.

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    And it's anyone in this room who has received Jesus Christ.

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    Now, how many people, show of hands, how many people in this room came to Christ as a result of a friendship?

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    Raise your hands, raise them high.

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    Keep 'em up.

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    Now, when I say as a result of a friendship, I mean a friend shared the gospel with you, or a friend invited you to church, or something like that.

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    Okay, look around.

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    Look around.

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    This is what we're talking about when we talk about redemptive friendships.

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    Very few people, okay you can put your hands down, my point is this, very few people come to Christ because they stumbled into a church.

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    Has that happened?

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    Yeah, it has.

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    I've talked to people that were like, literally, "I was walking down the street and saw your sign up and came in and received Christ. That happens. That is rare. What's more common is someone shared the gospel with you, invited you to a church, an outreach event, etc. and you should see your friends as a Ruth and bring them along.

    30:42-30:56

    When people see Christ in you, when people hunger for what you have, you need to bring them along. Invite them to come worship with us here. Invite them to a core group meeting at Harvest Bible Chapel, Pittsburgh East. Bring them along.

    31:01-31:25

    Many of your friends are just waiting for an invitation to church. Do you know that? Do you know how many of your friends would come just simply because you're saying, "I would love for you to come to our church some Sunday." That's all some people are waiting. They're not going to come after you and say, "Hey, hey, hey, you ever going to invite me to church?" They're waiting for you. Bring them along.

    31:28-32:19

    So the question is, should we have unbelieving friends? My answer is, you must have friendships outside the church. You must. Jesus said, "We're salt and light. To who? Our holy huddle? No, to the unbelieving world. But here's another must. You must evaluate those associations differently, carefully, and often. God knows the risks and he still calls us to reach out, doesn't he? I'd believer, you too were once an enemy of God." That's something I have to constantly remind myself.

    32:19-32:21

    We encounter people that we're like, "Oh, she's never going to get it.

    32:22-32:23

    Oh, that guy's never going to come to the Lord.

    32:24-32:31

    Oh, he's so far from God, he's never going to get it." You know, the Lord always gently reminds me, like, "Jeff, that was you.

    32:33-32:35

    People used to look at you and say that.

    32:35-32:36

    That guy's not going to get it.

    32:37-32:39

    That guy is never going to come to the Lord.

    32:45-32:50

    So Jesus Christ through people reached out to us with love and grace and compassion.

    32:52-32:54

    And now he says we are his ambassadors.

    32:56-32:59

    Jesus is still working through each of us.

    33:00-33:03

    He is saying reach out, but use wisdom.

    33:05-33:05

    Let's pray.

Small Group Questions ­(Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 13:20

  1. Proverbs 22:24-25 tells us that we become like those with whom we spend time. Why do you think this happens? That is, why do we naturally start to act like the people we are around?
     

  2. If you realize a friendship is harmful (rebellion against God or “king”), how do you go about getting out of harm’s way? (Proverbs 13:20) Do you dissolve the friendship, spend less time with the friend...? How do you “break that off”?
     

  3. What specifically would you do as a parent if you discovered your late adolescent or teen child had an unwise friendship (causing them to rebel, etc)?
     

  4. How can you ensure that you are leading a person to the Lord instead of them leading you away from the Lord? How do you know who is influencing who?

Breakout Questions:

  1. Do you have any friendships that have a negative effect on your walk with Christ? What are you going to do about it in light of the Word of God?
     

  2. Pray for one another.

3 Marks of Legit Friendship

  1. Counsel : Give it and receive it Thoughtfully (Proverbs 27:9)

  2. Correction : Give it and receive it Humbly (Proverbs 27:6)

  3. Comfort : Give it and receive it Constantly (Proverbs 17:17)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:03

    All right, turn in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs.

    00:04-00:09

    We're going to be bouncing around to a few Proverbs.

    00:16-00:21

    But before we turn, Aria, who is this guy standing up here beside you today?

    00:23-00:25

    You don't know.

    00:28-00:30

    He just wandered on stage and you're like, can you play the guitar?

    00:31-00:32

    He wasn't bad.

    00:35-00:37

    Okay, yeah, he wasn't bad at all.

    00:37-00:41

    Actually, that was Levi and he's your brother, right?

    00:43-00:46

    So I wanted to ask you what it was like to have a brother that can play the guitar.

    00:55-00:57

    That's okay, you weren't the only one.

    00:57-01:02

    >> [LAUGHTER] >> I'm just kidding.

    01:02-01:03

    My brother can play guitar too.

    01:04-01:06

    But it's great to have you up here, Levi.

    01:06-01:13

    >> [INAUDIBLE] >> [LAUGHTER] >> All right, well, since that was such a hit, let's try this.

    01:15-01:17

    We're going to play a game.

    01:18-01:18

    All right?

    01:19-01:20

    Here's how this game goes.

    01:21-01:22

    I'm going to start singing a song.

    01:23-01:23

    Yes.

    01:24-01:26

    I'm going to start singing a song.

    01:28-01:30

    And when you know what the song is, I want you to chime in.

    01:31-01:31

    All right?

    01:32-01:34

    But you can't leave me up here.

    01:34-01:34

    All right?

    01:36-01:38

    You can't be like kind of mumbling the words.

    01:39-01:40

    No, don't leave me up here.

    01:41-01:42

    All right?

    01:44-01:49

    This first one's going to be for people about my age, or maybe even a little older.

    01:50-01:52

    Young people might not get this one, but we're going to take a shot.

    01:52-01:52

    You ready?

    01:53-01:58

    >> This is the part where I really wish that I was musical.

    02:00-02:05

    >> [MUSIC PLAYING] >> Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.

    02:06-02:10

    Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.

    02:11-02:14

    Wouldn't you like to get away?

    02:15-02:16

    Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

    02:18-02:19

    Sometimes you want to go.

    02:19-02:33

    >> [SINGING] >> You want to be where people know troubles are all the same.

    02:34-02:35

    You want to be where?

    02:37-02:42

    You want to go where people know people are all the same.

    02:42-02:43

    You want to go where?

    02:46-02:49

    All right, give yourselves a hand.

    02:49-02:50

    Well done.

    02:50-02:54

    That is the theme song from...

    02:55-02:56

    All right, how many people did not know that?

    02:56-02:57

    Just be honest, raise your hands.

    02:58-03:00

    Okay, all the young people did not know that.

    03:00-03:04

    Okay, that was the theme song from "Cheers." All right, you ready for another one?

    03:06-03:09

    Like, I thought I was in church.

    03:12-03:17

    If you thought you were in like stuffy, boring church, you're in the wrong place.

    03:18-03:21

    We're serious about the word of God, but we like to have fun here.

    03:21-03:22

    And there is a point to this.

    03:23-03:25

    All right, you ready for this next one?

    03:27-03:27

    All right.

    03:28-03:34

    My wife was like, "You're not gonna sing in church." Sorry, hon. (laughs) Okay, here we go.

    03:35-04:12

    ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ ♪ Traveled down the road and back again ♪ ♪ Your heart is true ♪ ♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ ♪ And if you threw a party ♪ ♪ With everyone you knew ♪ ♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me ♪ ♪ And the card attached would say ♪ ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪ Okay.

    04:14-04:19

    All right, that is the theme from Golden Girls.

    04:19-04:20

    All right, one more.

    04:20-04:24

    And this is just next line, please.

    04:24-04:26

    Okay, just the next line, okay?

    04:30-04:33

    So no one told you life was going to be this way.

    04:35-04:35

    Thank you, yeah.

    04:36-04:37

    (claps)

    04:37-04:39

    That's the next line to that song.

    04:39-04:40

    And that is the theme from?

    04:41-04:42

    That is the theme from Friends.

    04:42-04:46

    and you're like, "Oh, why are we doing this?" Well, here's why.

    04:47-04:49

    I wish my friendships were like the ones on TV.

    04:51-04:51

    Don't you?

    04:52-04:56

    Why are those shows, you know, we could go on and on and on.

    04:56-04:58

    I don't even know what's on TV nowadays.

    04:59-05:07

    But why were shows like Cheers and The Golden Girls and Friends, why were those shows so popular?

    05:10-05:26

    I think the reason those shows were so popular was because they were about these uninhibited, open, loving, straightforward, often hilarious friendships.

    05:27-05:31

    And I watched those shows and I think, man, I wish my friendships were like that.

    05:33-05:35

    And you're like, you wish you were friends with Betty White.

    05:37-05:38

    No, no, no.

    05:40-05:41

    I wish I was friends with all of them.

    05:41-05:45

    Could you see yourself like in, like you're like with those people?

    05:45-05:50

    For some of you, that's not much of a stretch, you know, but to see yourself with those roommates.

    05:52-06:00

    Or like the cast from "Cheers." Remember, George Wendt's character would walk in and everybody would say?

    06:01-06:02

    Norm, right.

    06:04-06:06

    There's something appealing about that, isn't there?

    06:07-06:09

    Like, we knew this guy and we like this guy.

    06:14-06:18

    And then friends, oh, I wish my life was just sitting around a coffee shop all the time.

    06:19-06:26

    But for those of us that have a job, we realize that life doesn't really turn out that way, does it?

    06:27-06:30

    Well, today we're going to talk about good old-fashioned friendship.

    06:32-06:37

    You know the value of friendship.

    06:38-06:45

    because it's woven into your very nature. In fact, we were built for friendship.

    06:48-07:34

    The Bible tells us that we were made in the image of God. And what does that mean? That means a lot of things. But do you realize one aspect of what that means? God himself is a perfect society. Did you know that? There is one God, but he exists as three persons, and there's a sense in which you could say God is the perfect society. So why are we discussing friendship in church if it's such a part of who we are? And I imagine most everyone in here has some friends, I imagine. Why are we discussing this in church? We'll jot these things down, just three quick reasons why I think it's important. Number one, friends are hard to gain and easy to lose. Is that true?

    07:35-07:55

    Friends are hard to gain and easy to lose. So often as friends we sin against one another, we take offense against one another, we neglect one another. Friends are hard to gain and easy to lose.

    07:56-08:00

    Second reason is this, our society is becoming more and more isolated.

    08:04-08:06

    Our society is becoming more and more isolated.

    08:07-08:14

    Let's be honest, for most of us, we'd rather stay at home and watch an episode of "Friends" than go hang out with actual friends.

    08:14-08:15

    Is that true or false?

    08:16-08:16

    True.

    08:18-08:19

    We live in a day of the internet.

    08:20-08:24

    We'd rather get on a chat room then go talk to someone.

    08:26-08:31

    We live in a day of texting.

    08:32-08:34

    Texting, it kills me.

    08:34-08:40

    Did you ever go to the mall and you see a bunch of teenagers sitting like by the fountain or whatever, they're like texting each other?

    08:41-08:43

    Like, dude, he is right beside you.

    08:44-08:48

    Why don't you turn your head and practice communicating?

    08:49-08:52

    We're raising up a whole generation of kids that don't know how to communicate.

    08:54-09:10

    We're raising up a whole generation of kids that someday are gonna have to go to a job interview and the person hiring them is gonna say, "Would you have any special skills?" And these kids are gonna be like, you should get that in a minute.

    09:12-09:14

    They don't know how to actually talk to people.

    09:17-09:18

    We're in a day of isolation.

    09:18-09:25

    and we build patios behind our house and put fences around them, where we used to sit on the front porch and talk to neighbors.

    09:27-09:29

    And it happens in the church as well.

    09:31-09:34

    It happens not just in this church, but it happens in every church.

    09:34-09:37

    It's easy to slip in late and slip out early.

    09:37-09:39

    Hopefully nobody knows I was here.

    09:40-09:46

    I wanna go to church, but not really be too social about it.

    09:47-09:57

    You know, this past Thursday I was at a meeting of a bunch of preachers in the North Hills, preachers from North Bridge and Northway and Covenant.

    09:59-10:20

    And the one pastor spoke up, he said, "I have a serious question I want to ask you guys." He said, "Are you having problems in your churches with people that would rather catch the message online and not attend?" He said, "I'm seeing that as more and more of a trend in our church.

    10:20-10:28

    When people know that they can hear the sermon online, Sunday morning they figure, 'Do I even need to get up and go to church?

    10:28-10:38

    I'm tired. I got stuff to do. I'll just listen to the message online, and that's the same as going to church.'" Is that the same as going to church?

    10:39-10:42

    I would suggest to you that it is absolutely not the same thing.

    10:43-10:54

    You know, the Bible calls us to assemble as a congregation, to come and cry out to the Lord as a congregation, and to get into the Word, and to worship as a congregation.

    10:54-10:58

    The biggest book in your Bible is what? Psalms.

    10:58-11:02

    And what's Psalms about? God's people coming together to praise God.

    11:02-11:06

    You can't do that at home by yourself.

    11:07-11:10

    You can't do that just by downloading something from the Internet.

    11:10-11:16

    We are called to come together and worship as a church together.

    11:19-11:23

    So, friends are hard to gain, easy to lose. Our society is becoming more isolated.

    11:23-11:27

    The third reason we're going to talk about friendship this week and next week is this.

    11:28-11:35

    Left to ourselves. Left to ourselves, it is hard to know how to strengthen or maintain a friendship.

    11:38-11:43

    What words, what deeds, how do we strengthen and maintain relationships if we're left to ourselves?

    11:43-11:44

    It's hard to know.

    11:45-11:51

    But church, the good news is this, we have a level of friendship that Jesus Christ alone makes possible.

    11:53-11:56

    So if you have your outline, look at the back of your bulletin outline.

    11:56-11:59

    We're just gonna talk about three things today.

    12:00-12:03

    These are three marks of legit friendship.

    12:03-12:05

    All in favor of legit friendship?

    12:06-12:11

    None of this, he might say hi to me if I like run into him with my car.

    12:11-12:13

    I mean like legit friendships.

    12:15-12:36

    I go, "Pastor Jeff, my friends are so lame." Well, Proverbs 27, 17 says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." And as we go through these three marks of a legit friendship, something that you have to keep in the back of your mind is this, Friendship is always going to be give and take.

    12:38-12:40

    Iron sharpens iron, it's give and take.

    12:42-12:52

    If you're a friend that's all take and no give, you're needy and you're going to take advantage of people.

    12:53-12:57

    And you're going to find yourself in a place where it's hard to keep friends.

    12:59-13:06

    Because when people see you, they associate, well, he's always wanting something from me And every time I see her, she's having the worst day of her life.

    13:07-13:08

    Is it really always that bad?

    13:10-13:22

    If you're all take and no give, people are going to feel like you're taking advantage of them, but if you're all give and no take, you're going to breed resentment in your own hearts.

    13:24-13:25

    All give and no take.

    13:26-13:27

    You're going to start resenting people.

    13:28-13:30

    You're going to think everybody's out to use you.

    13:33-13:38

    So good friends are rare, and I would encourage you to be the kind of friend that you want to have.

    13:39-13:41

    Be the kind of friend that you want to have.

    13:42-13:50

    Because here's the thing, when it comes to relationships in the Bible, who is the burden on, really?

    13:51-13:52

    The burden's on me, isn't it?

    13:55-14:04

    When we come to church, you know, there's gonna be somebody sitting here that's like, "Wow, I wish so-and-so "was here to hear this message." It's not what it's about.

    14:05-14:07

    God has his thing going on with so-and-so.

    14:08-14:10

    Right now is God's time to be working on you.

    14:11-14:12

    So the burden's on you.

    14:13-14:17

    Instead of sitting here saying, "Oh, I wish I had a better wife." No, you need to be a better husband.

    14:19-14:24

    Or, "Oh, I wish I had better employees working for me." Maybe you need to be a better employer.

    14:25-14:30

    And then when we talk about friendship, you're like, "Man, I wish I had better friends." Maybe you need to be a better friend.

    14:31-14:34

    And that's why when we go through these Proverbs, it's give and take.

    14:35-14:41

    This is what you should expect from your friends, but this is something also that you should be willing to give your friends.

    14:41-14:42

    Everybody with me?

    14:44-14:45

    Everybody with me?

    14:45-14:47

    We're so tired from all that singing.

    14:50-14:54

    Not just the worship, I mean, that was just joy, but you made us sing those Golden Girls songs.

    14:56-14:57

    All right, number one.

    15:00-15:03

    Number one, three marks of legit friendship, counsel.

    15:04-15:07

    Counsel, give it and receive it thoughtfully.

    15:08-15:11

    Give it and receive it thoughtfully.

    15:12-15:14

    Look at Proverbs 27 in verse nine.

    15:16-15:21

    It says, "Oil and perfume make the heart glad.

    15:26-15:32

    And the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

    15:34-15:36

    Do you get the picture there?

    15:37-15:43

    Keep in mind when this was written, you didn't have college students running around that bathed themselves in Axe body spray.

    15:45-15:51

    Perfume and oil would have been more rare and it would have been more special to have that scent.

    15:54-16:10

    So just like when you would approach someone that, "Ah, he smells good." And, "Wow, she really smells nice." The sweetness of that aroma is compared to the sweetness of a friend from his, what?

    16:11-16:12

    From his earnest counsel.

    16:14-16:15

    From his earnest counsel.

    16:17-16:26

    Every single one of us are constantly in every stage of life faced with tough decisions.

    16:28-16:31

    Whatever stage of life you're in right now, you are facing decisions.

    16:33-16:37

    You know, when you're in high school, it's, you know, what do I wanna do with my life?

    16:37-16:39

    What college do I wanna go to?

    16:39-16:45

    And then you get to college, and where am I going to seek employment when I graduate?

    16:47-16:49

    Or what about getting married?

    16:49-16:51

    What about having children?

    16:52-16:54

    What about where I'm going to attend church?

    16:54-16:58

    Or what to invest money in or spend money on?

    16:58-17:08

    Or, well, a true friend gives earnest counsel, but a true friend doesn't step in as your therapist, okay?

    17:09-17:13

    Like, I'm trying to decide what college I need to go to.

    17:14-17:20

    You know, your true friend doesn't step in with their pen and their clipboard, like, Well, let's take notes.

    17:22-17:23

    I want you to list for me all the pros.

    17:24-17:26

    I want you to list for me all, they don't do that.

    17:27-17:30

    Because here's the thing, a true friend earnestly cares.

    17:32-17:36

    Because for a true friend, your problem is their problem and vice versa.

    17:37-17:38

    That's how you know a friend.

    17:41-17:43

    You know a friend when your problem becomes their problem.

    17:47-17:51

    and their problem feels like your problem.

    17:55-18:08

    Proverbs 15, 22 says, "Without counsel, plans fail, "but with many advisors, they succeed." We are to be people who give earnest counsel to our friends.

    18:10-18:12

    So you're like, well, how do I do that?

    18:13-18:14

    This is Counseling 101.

    18:16-18:18

    First of all, I'm gonna give you two lists here very quickly.

    18:19-18:21

    But first of all, here's how not to give counsel.

    18:22-18:23

    Here's how not to give counsel.

    18:29-18:30

    How not to give counsel.

    18:30-18:35

    First of all, don't offer counsel without relational equity.

    18:37-18:40

    Do not offer counsel without relational equity.

    18:41-18:43

    What is relational equity?

    18:45-18:46

    That's this.

    18:48-18:54

    It's when you're invested enough into the person that you're allowed to speak into the person.

    18:56-18:57

    That's relational equity.

    19:00-19:02

    Or to put it another way, think of it this way.

    19:05-19:14

    A complete stranger walks up to you on the street, somebody you've never met before, and they say, "I think you're making a stupid decision." How do you react to that?

    19:15-19:33

    You're like, "And you are, and I should listen to you, why?" And your father comes to you and says, "Son, I think you're making a very stupid decision." You should actually stop and think about that, why?

    19:34-19:36

    Because your father has built up some relational equity, hasn't he?

    19:37-19:38

    You have that relationship.

    19:39-19:40

    He's been pouring into you.

    19:41-19:45

    You would give your father much more of an attentive ear than you would give a complete stranger.

    19:46-20:02

    But when we talk about friendship, you should be investing in each other with relational equity, pouring into each other, that you have the right to speak into that person's life.

    20:06-20:09

    You can't give counsel unless you've earned that right.

    20:10-20:17

    because otherwise you're going to turn them off to you and you'll turn them off to whatever you've said.

    20:18-20:24

    And listen, I'm not gonna go into details, but this is something I watched unfold right before my eyes a few months ago.

    20:25-20:33

    Somebody that didn't have any relational equity at all with another person stepped in basically telling this other person how to run their life and do their job and this, that, and the other.

    20:35-20:47

    The person got very offended because the person that stepped in to give all the advice didn't have any relational equity, but came across as if they were this person's parents.

    20:50-20:59

    So not only was the person rejected, but even if there was a nugget of truth in what that person was trying to communicate, that was rejected because the person was rejected.

    20:59-21:00

    Is everybody with me?

    21:01-21:03

    You have to build into people.

    21:03-21:14

    You have to have that loving relationship already established before you can step in and offer counsel, relational equity.

    21:17-21:22

    Secondly, don't become the mutual admiration society.

    21:24-21:27

    Don't become the mutual admiration society.

    21:28-21:30

    Anybody members of the mutual admiration society?

    21:31-21:32

    You're fantastic.

    21:32-21:33

    No, you're fantastic.

    21:36-21:36

    No, you're fabulous.

    21:36-21:38

    No, you're fabulous.

    21:39-21:41

    You're so smart. No, you're so smart.

    21:44-21:47

    Sometimes giving counsel means you have to say some hard things.

    21:48-21:52

    And you have to say some things that the person might not necessarily want to hear.

    21:52-21:58

    So you better have the relational equity to pull that off, first of all, but don't become the mutual admiration society.

    21:59-22:00

    Thirdly, don't be hasty.

    22:02-22:03

    Don't be hasty.

    22:04-22:09

    That's why Proverbs says, The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

    22:11-22:13

    And part of being earnest means it's not hasty.

    22:14-22:16

    He's actually taking some time to think about this.

    22:21-22:25

    You know, that's one of the wisest things you can hear somebody say if you go to them for advice.

    22:25-22:28

    And they say, "Let me get back to you on that." That's wisdom.

    22:29-22:35

    You wouldn't walk away from that going, "Well, he's really dumb, he doesn't know." No, it's wisdom because he's saying, "I wanna think about this.

    22:35-22:37

    I wanna pray about this.

    22:37-22:38

    That's wisdom.

    22:38-22:39

    So don't be hasty.

    22:39-22:40

    Also, don't be trite.

    22:41-22:42

    Number four, don't be trite.

    22:42-22:43

    This is the worst, Christians.

    22:44-22:48

    We are so guilty of this, every single one of us, and we're all gonna stop.

    22:49-22:53

    We on this day make a covenant to stop being trite in our counsel.

    22:56-22:57

    Will you make that covenant with me?

    22:58-22:59

    To stop being trite?

    22:59-23:01

    You're like, "What do you mean?" Here's what I mean.

    23:04-23:07

    with your brother or sister and the Lord's going in for like cancer treatment.

    23:08-23:11

    And you're like, well, God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.

    23:13-23:14

    First of all, that's not even in the Bible.

    23:15-23:20

    Second of all, that person needs compassion.

    23:20-23:23

    That person doesn't need like the saying on the front of a Hallmark card.

    23:24-23:25

    God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.

    23:26-23:27

    Yeah, thank you for that.

    23:28-23:28

    Thank you.

    23:31-23:42

    Or this one, you're going through a hard time and your friend comes alongside and says, "Well, you know, God helps those who help themselves." You know, Ben Franklin said that, right?

    23:43-23:45

    You know that's not in the Bible, right?

    23:46-23:47

    But we have, what are some more?

    23:47-23:48

    Do you have any more?

    23:48-24:00

    You know, these little sayings that we give to each other as Christians, these little trite little things, the worst of which is, "Well, I'll pray for you." No, you won't, liar.

    24:01-24:02

    How about you pray right now?

    24:02-24:05

    So don't be trite, okay?

    24:05-24:05

    Don't be trite.

    24:05-24:12

    When somebody comes to you and they want a compassionate ear, don't give them some stupid hallmark expression.

    24:12-24:13

    Will you make that covenant with me?

    24:15-24:16

    Will you make that covenant with me?

    24:16-24:17

    Okay, some of you will.

    24:18-24:20

    Some of you are content to, God helps those who help themselves thing.

    24:21-24:21

    Okay.

    24:23-24:24

    All right.

    24:26-24:29

    Okay, last and most important.

    24:30-24:33

    When somebody comes to you, Here's how, this is, again, how I'm not to give counsel.

    24:34-24:36

    Don't be a storytopper.

    24:38-24:39

    Don't be a storytopper.

    24:39-24:41

    Do you know what a storytopper is?

    24:41-24:42

    Do you know what a storytopper is?

    24:44-24:45

    Here's a storytopper.

    24:45-24:52

    My friend, Sean, comes to me and he's like, "Man, I'm tired, man." And I'm like, "Oh, you think you're tired?

    24:52-25:04

    I haven't slept in four days." And Sean's like, "Yeah, I've just been kind of tired because Spencer's been up a lot.

    25:04-25:06

    Oh, you think your kids have been up a lot?

    25:07-25:09

    I haven't slept since 2005.

    25:12-25:13

    (congregation laughing)

    25:14-25:19

    And Sean's like, yeah, but our work schedules have just been so hectic.

    25:19-25:21

    Oh, you think your work schedules have been hectic?

    25:24-25:25

    Worked 250 hours last week.

    25:28-25:29

    I worked with a guy that told me that by the way.

    25:30-25:34

    He was a truck driver and he told me he worked 250 hours last week.

    25:34-25:36

    I'm like, I'm not even gonna try to top that one.

    25:37-25:37

    But you see what I mean?

    25:38-25:46

    Storytoppers, Sean's gonna walk away from that conversation going, wow, the spotlight sure went on Jeff in a hurry.

    25:47-26:02

    You know, I came to him thinking that we could talk and maybe he could encourage me, but I just took the spotlight right off of his problems that he's coming to me as a friend and putting them on me to say, "No, Sean, here's why we should talk about me.

    26:02-26:04

    "Here's why we should feel bad about me.

    26:04-26:11

    "Can I please be the center of attention for a little bit?" That's lousy friendship, lousy friendship, okay?

    26:12-26:14

    Don't make it about you.

    26:14-26:15

    Somebody comes to you with a problem.

    26:17-26:25

    They don't wanna hear about how terrible of a day you had because your cat had the flu or whatever, okay?

    26:25-26:26

    So here's how to counsel.

    26:27-26:29

    I know they offer like whole college courses on this.

    26:30-26:31

    So I heard Debbie.

    26:33-26:34

    So I heard.

    26:36-26:38

    This is how to give counsel.

    26:40-26:41

    Here's how to give counsel, real easy.

    26:41-26:47

    Number one, when you talk to someone, the question you need to ask yourself is this, what's the real concern here?

    26:48-26:49

    What's the real concern?

    26:49-26:51

    I've done a lot of counseling over the years.

    26:52-26:53

    That is the number one question.

    26:53-27:00

    The first time, I've done a lot of marriage counseling, the first time a couple comes into me with a problem, that's what we're going after.

    27:00-27:01

    What's the real concern?

    27:01-27:07

    I know you came in here thinking you knew what the problem was, but that might not be what the problem actually is.

    27:07-27:13

    And you don't actually say that because the whole situation is fueled with emotions, right?

    27:14-27:20

    But what you're thinking in the back of your mind is, I wanna hear what they say the problem is and perceive if that's actually the problem.

    27:23-27:24

    What's the real concern?

    27:24-27:26

    So I would encourage you, take time to listen.

    27:27-27:29

    Just listen, just listen to them.

    27:30-27:30

    Just listen.

    27:33-27:34

    Just listen.

    27:35-27:37

    What do you think the problem is?

    27:38-27:42

    Number two, these are all questions.

    27:42-27:44

    What does the Bible say?

    27:45-27:47

    A true friend points you to the word.

    27:47-27:48

    A true friend does.

    27:49-27:52

    And they come to you with their problem and I've listened to your problem.

    27:53-27:55

    Okay, Sean, well, what does the Bible say about that?

    27:56-27:59

    You know, the Bible has some passages that address that problem you're going through.

    27:59-28:01

    Let's go through and see what the word of God says.

    28:02-28:03

    A true friend does that.

    28:05-28:12

    Thirdly, ask, what steps do we need to take?

    28:13-28:21

    Now, I inserted the word we here, because when we're talking about friendship, remember, your problem is my problem, and my problem is your problem.

    28:22-28:23

    What steps do we need to take?

    28:24-28:27

    Your friend needs to know that you're on their side and you're in this with them.

    28:28-28:29

    They need to know that.

    28:29-28:35

    So Sean comes to me, he's like, "Man, I'm having a problem." Okay, Sean, here's what the Bible says, so what are we gonna do about it?

    28:35-28:41

    Now Sean knows I'm not just sending you off with a grocery list of things to do.

    28:41-28:42

    Like, Sean, we're gonna work through this, man.

    28:43-28:44

    You're my friend and we're gonna work through this together.

    28:45-28:47

    And there's we, right?

    28:48-28:53

    So he leaves that conversation feeling like, you know what, I'm not alone.

    28:54-28:55

    I'm not alone.

    28:56-29:01

    However else this problem might be bad, at least I don't have to face it by myself.

    29:02-29:06

    We, what steps do we need to take?

    29:07-29:09

    And then the fourth question is this, how are we going to take the first step?

    29:11-29:12

    Didn't you just say that?

    29:13-29:13

    No, it's different.

    29:14-29:19

    We need to look at the steps that we need to take, But next we need to ask, well, how are we gonna take the first step?

    29:20-29:30

    'Cause so many times people are like, well, we need to do this, we need to do that, we need to do this, and we're left with this kind of list in our heads of all these things we need to do, but nothing really happens.

    29:31-29:33

    So you have to ask, well, how are we going to do the first thing?

    29:36-29:40

    And then fifth, how can I follow up with my friend?

    29:42-29:44

    How can I follow up with my friend?

    29:47-29:51

    You know, I should be on the phone, email, texting, whatever, following up.

    29:52-29:56

    "Sean, you came to me with that problem and, you know, how are we doing now?

    29:57-30:04

    You know, have you seen any improvement? What do we need to do? Do you need to get together?" That's how to give counsel.

    30:05-30:09

    Counsel should be wisely given and humbly received.

    30:09-30:14

    Yes, receive. Don't be the guy that dishes out all the counsel but won't take any.

    30:15-30:17

    Iron sharpens iron, right?

    30:18-30:20

    Okay, secondly, correction.

    30:22-30:22

    Correction.

    30:25-30:27

    Just like we said, counsel, give it and receive it thoughtfully.

    30:28-30:31

    Correction, give it and receive it humbly.

    30:33-30:35

    Give it and receive it humbly.

    30:36-30:39

    Look up a few verses with me, Proverbs 27, 6.

    30:42-30:45

    It says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

    30:50-30:59

    Profuse are the kisses of an enemy." Now my Bible says, "Profuse are the kisses of an enemy." Does anybody else, your Bible say something different there?

    31:01-31:01

    What's that?

    31:02-31:04

    I can't hear you, say it real loud.

    31:05-31:07

    But, it just says but.

    31:08-31:08

    Okay.

    31:09-31:11

    Any other words for profuse?

    31:11-31:12

    That's an interesting translation.

    31:14-31:15

    What do you got, Taylor?

    31:17-31:18

    Do you have profuse?

    31:19-31:20

    Oh, we have the same translation.

    31:21-31:22

    I party on.

    31:22-31:24

    Anybody else have anything other than profuse?

    31:27-31:29

    An enemy multiplies kisses.

    31:29-31:33

    Okay, now we're getting closer to what this word means.

    31:34-31:36

    Some translations might have deceitful.

    31:36-31:38

    Does anybody have something that says like deceitful?

    31:39-31:41

    Okay, some translations say that.

    31:44-31:53

    "Multiplies kisses, deceitful are the kisses of an enemy." You know, this is the guy that just lays it on thick.

    31:53-32:13

    You know, he's just, "Mmm, we have expressions for that." Right? Like, "You're just kissing up." Right? "You're just kissing up. You're just kissing up. Stop kissing up." "Oh, your hair looks so lovely today." And kissing up.

    32:16-32:17

    Profuse.

    32:17-32:20

    Well, do you see the contrast?

    32:22-32:25

    Somebody that doesn't really love you does that.

    32:26-32:33

    But somebody that really does love you will wound you on purpose.

    32:36-32:43

    Like counsel, this is speaking the truth in love, but it requires much more relational equity.

    32:45-32:56

    See, where counseling prevents somebody going on the wrong path, correction restores somebody that went on the wrong path.

    32:57-33:07

    Where counseling encourages people to stay off the wrong path, correction helps get you off of the wrong path once you have gotten on it.

    33:08-33:13

    And that's where you're going to find the difference between real friends and fake friends.

    33:13-33:14

    Do you wanna know where to find the difference?

    33:14-33:16

    I'm gonna give you some help here today.

    33:17-33:18

    Here's what you do.

    33:20-33:27

    If you're not sure if somebody's really your friend, go out to a restaurant with them.

    33:28-33:33

    And when they're not looking, take a little piece of food or something and put it on the corner of the outside of your mouth.

    33:36-33:39

    and then see if they say something to you.

    33:41-33:44

    Because somebody that's not a true friend will not say something to you.

    33:45-33:48

    They'll let that stuff hang all over your face, won't say a word to you.

    33:50-33:56

    A true friend will say, "Hey, go like this." That's how you know a true friend.

    33:59-34:09

    So when it says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend," You see, it might start with, hey, go like this, but a true friend's also willing to step in when they see that you are heading down a destructive path.

    34:10-34:11

    You're making some bad choices.

    34:12-34:20

    And if they're not willing to tell you about the stuff on your mouth, they're not gonna be willing to tell you, you're heading down a wrong path, man.

    34:20-34:23

    I see you picking up some old habits that you used to do.

    34:24-34:27

    And do you remember the hell that it put your family through when you went through that before?

    34:28-34:28

    Don't do it, man.

    34:29-34:31

    Don't do it, you're making some bad choices.

    34:32-34:34

    I'm not going to let you destroy yourself.

    34:35-34:36

    That's a true friend.

    34:40-34:51

    When we fall into sin, when we fall into temptation, when we fall into compromise, they're willing to step in, they're willing to risk hurting your feelings.

    34:52-34:53

    Excuse me.

    34:53-34:58

    They're willing to risk damaging the relationship to tell you they're wrong.

    35:01-35:07

    It's like removing cancer, it's very painful, but it's much better if it's suffered sooner than later.

    35:08-35:10

    I love you too much to let this go.

    35:11-35:13

    I love you too much to watch you hurt yourself.

    35:13-35:14

    I'm not gonna do it.

    35:15-35:16

    I am not going to do it.

    35:17-35:25

    So if you're wondering, you know, if you have a friend that might be heading down the wrong path and you're like, well, should I say something to them?

    35:26-35:27

    Well, there's a right and a wrong way to do it.

    35:29-35:41

    If you have a friend that you might have to have one of these hard conversations with, you might have to have one of these hard conversations with, do these two things first.

    35:42-35:42

    Jot thiss down.

    35:43-35:52

    The first thing you need to do is ask, "Why do I need to say something?" The first thing you need to do is ask, "Why do I need to say something?

    35:53-35:54

    Is this really an issue?

    35:55-35:56

    Is this really an issue?

    36:02-36:03

    Is it an issue?

    36:07-36:15

    Oh no, I saw Carrie and Paul shopping at Target, and I really think they should shop at Walmart.

    36:16-36:17

    I'm going to have to talk to them about that.

    36:19-36:22

    You'd be surprised at non-issues that people turn into issues.

    36:24-36:37

    True story, many years ago, I had some parents call me because I took a class of kids outside to play because it was such a beautiful day and we went outside to play and these parents called me.

    36:37-36:38

    We need to have a meeting.

    36:39-36:40

    Like, oh, why?

    36:41-36:42

    I didn't know you were going outside.

    36:43-36:45

    Like, we need to have a meeting about that?

    36:45-36:47

    Watch out for that, that we have to have a meeting, people.

    36:50-36:52

    Everything becomes an issue.

    36:53-37:04

    Everything is, you know, Defcon 5, code red, maximum security alerts, everything's an issue.

    37:06-37:07

    Don't be that friend.

    37:08-37:11

    So, why do I need to say something?

    37:11-37:17

    And then, if you realize, you know what, this is not a trivial thing, this is an issue.

    37:19-37:24

    Next you need to ask, what do I need to say, how do I need to say it and when do I need to say it.

    37:24-37:27

    So the first is why, then you need to do what, how, and when.

    37:32-37:32

    What, how, and when.

    37:32-37:34

    Be careful and measure your words.

    37:36-37:46

    Sometimes this is where an email can actually help set the table for discussion, that you carefully write something out to say, hey, I want to talk to you about.

    37:46-37:55

    And it gives you the opportunity to be more selective in your words to go back and edit that, really measuring what you're going to say.

    37:59-38:03

    So correction, give it and receive it humbly, humbly.

    38:04-38:09

    And then finally for today, comfort, give it and receive it constantly.

    38:10-38:12

    Turn back with me to Proverbs 17, 17.

    38:14-38:17

    Comfort, give it and receive it constantly.

    38:19-38:21

    A friend loves at all times.

    38:24-38:29

    And a brother is born for adversity.

    38:32-38:39

    So obviously we're seeing a deep, deeper, and deepest when we get to levels of relationship.

    38:40-38:41

    Here's another test for you.

    38:41-38:45

    If you wonder how deep your relationship is with someone, Here's how you know.

    38:45-38:48

    You go to their house, what happens?

    38:48-38:49

    One of three things.

    38:49-38:55

    One, they offer you a drink and you accept a drink.

    38:55-38:57

    That's one level of friendship, right?

    38:57-39:00

    They offer you a drink and you accept a drink.

    39:01-39:06

    The second level of friendship is you actually go in and you ask them for a drink.

    39:07-39:08

    Like, "Hey, how are you guys doing?

    39:08-39:11

    Ben, do you have anything to drink?" That's the second level of friendship.

    39:13-39:14

    You know what the third level is, right?

    39:16-39:18

    You go in their refrigerator and you get it yourself.

    39:19-39:21

    That's the third level of friendship.

    39:24-39:25

    So test that.

    39:27-39:31

    If you're not sure how deep of a relationship you have, I'm giving you another test to do.

    39:31-39:35

    Next time you're ever at somebody's house, get in their refrigerator and see what they do.

    39:37-39:39

    Just get in the refrigerator and see what they do.

    39:40-39:42

    Your true friends, they won't even bat an eye.

    39:43-39:44

    Like you need help finding something in there.

    39:45-39:47

    We might have more stuff down in the pantry.

    39:47-39:55

    You have a people that maybe you don't have as close of a relationship as you thought, they're gonna be like, "What in the world "is he doing in my refrigerator?" Just give that a try.

    39:57-39:58

    Well, it's the same way scripturally.

    39:59-40:10

    Good friends counsel, better friends give correction, but your closest friends are the people that are there for comfort.

    40:10-40:18

    Actually, in the original Hebrew, the phrase at all times is actually at the front of this verse, grammatically for emphasis.

    40:19-40:33

    So if you would read this in Hebrew, it says, "At all times, a friend loves." The people who stick around and comfort you in the worst of times, those are the true friends.

    40:34-40:46

    You're going to find that when you have much to give, You have many people around, but when you're in need to receive, the number of people goes down, but the quality goes up.

    40:49-41:02

    The deepest level of friendship, honestly, when you look at friends at this level, the friends who are giving and receiving constant comfort, you do realize that 97% is just being there.

    41:02-41:03

    You know that?

    41:04-41:06

    Your friend doesn't need you to say the magic words.

    41:07-41:13

    Your friend doesn't need you to show up with the perfect sermon to walk them through this hard times.

    41:16-41:19

    It's just letting someone know you have their back, right?

    41:20-41:21

    Doesn't that make all the difference?

    41:22-41:24

    Just somebody being there, he's got my back.

    41:25-41:27

    He's got my back, that makes all the difference.

    41:28-41:31

    That friend that comes and says, "We're not going to give up.

    41:32-41:34

    Things are hard, but we're going to do this.

    41:35-41:38

    And if this ship's going down, I'm going down with you.

    41:40-41:44

    And as many of you know, we went through a rough season last fall here at Harvest Bible Chapel.

    41:44-41:47

    We had some, we had quite a few families leave.

    41:47-41:55

    Some of it was just for vocation reasons, some of it was family reasons, and for some, it was over some issues.

    41:58-42:01

    And when those things happen, they take an effect on the preacher.

    42:02-42:07

    But when all of those things kind of happen at once, it has a huge effect on the preacher.

    42:08-42:11

    It all seemed to be coming to a head all about the same time.

    42:13-42:38

    And I'll never forget Darren saying, "Jeff," he said, "I know things are rough right now." He said, "I don't care if this church turns "into Harvest Bible Chapel Miller, "and I get up and lead worship all by myself, "and you get up and preach, and I'm the only person there listening, he says, "We're going to do this." Now, how encouraged do you think I was after that little talk?

    42:40-42:43

    Like Harvest Bible Chapel Miller sounds nice.

    42:46-42:50

    And obviously, we both want more for the church than that, don't we?

    42:50-42:51

    We both want more for the church than that.

    42:52-42:54

    But do you realize what that sentiment meant to me?

    42:55-42:56

    To say, "Look, man, I got your back.

    42:57-43:02

    Yeah, you got all kinds of people leaving and people are upset and people even not upset.

    43:02-43:05

    And it looks like, is this church just unraveling?

    43:05-43:06

    But he's like, I'm not going anywhere.

    43:08-43:28

    And I'll tell you what, that sort of encouragement gives you the strength to get through a whole lot more Sundays when you know that you have people that say, if I'm going to leave the church, it's going to take somebody strapping dynamite to my face and blowing me out of the church.

    43:30-43:31

    Other than that, I'm not leaving.

    43:33-43:35

    Preachers wrestle with that kind of stuff.

    43:36-43:37

    You find who your friends are.

    43:40-43:45

    So this stuff sounds great, but where can I get a friend like that?

    43:46-43:48

    How can I be a friend like that?

    43:49-43:51

    I just want to encourage you as we close.

    43:54-43:56

    You know, we are not interested here in playing church.

    43:57-43:58

    We're not interested in playing church.

    43:59-44:00

    We wanna be the church.

    44:01-44:15

    And being the church means that we're going to cultivate loving relationships, transparent, encouraging, bearing each other's burdens relationships.

    44:16-44:19

    And that's why you've heard us say it so many times and we're going to say it again.

    44:19-44:24

    We want everybody that calls this church their home church to be involved in a small group.

    44:26-44:29

    Small groups is not just a fad.

    44:32-44:38

    Like, you know, vacation Bible school bus ministry or something that we did in the 70s.

    44:38-44:39

    It's not a fad.

    44:40-44:43

    It's not "What would Jesus do?" bracelets fads.

    44:43-44:45

    It's not that at all.

    44:46-44:47

    It's not a gimmick.

    44:50-44:52

    Actually, it's very biblical.

    44:52-44:58

    It's how people in the first century met in each other's houses, pouring into each other's lives.

    45:00-45:03

    And church, you have to have people to do life with.

    45:06-45:13

    You have to have people that you can pour into and that you will allow to pour into you.

    45:13-45:26

    That's why, you know, in your bulletin under "Walk for Christ" you're going to see there's an email where you can email smallgroups@harvestpittsburgnorth.org and that'll get you in contact with Justin and Michelle Katie.

    45:26-45:27

    Justin, wave hi to everybody.

    45:28-45:29

    See handsome Justin back there?

    45:31-45:34

    I'm a member of his Mutual Admiration Society.

    45:37-45:40

    Justin would love to get you plugged into a small group.

    45:43-45:45

    Email him, come and see me.

    45:47-45:54

    It's just so important as we talk about friendships, we wanna cultivate that.

    45:54-46:02

    We wanna be a place where we don't just talk about God.

    46:03-46:11

    We don't just talk about God's word and we don't just talk about loving people the way Jesus Christ told us to love people.

    46:11-46:13

    We wanna be a place where that happens.

    46:14-46:17

    And Harvest Bible Chapel is a church of small groups.

    46:18-46:25

    So if you're not yet plugged in, send an email, talk to Justin, talk to myself.

    46:28-46:29

    I know I love our small group.

    46:31-46:38

    And what a blessing it has been and what growth I've seen in my own life just from being part of my own small group.

    46:40-46:41

    Get on board with us.

    46:42-47:04

    So if our worship team would come forward in just a moment, we're going to be remembering the ultimate friendship because our primary friendship is to the one who makes it all possible.

    47:08-47:12

    And our greatest need is for a friendship that transcends the world.

    47:14-47:18

    You know, today we've been talking about counsel and correction and comfort.

    47:20-47:22

    You know, Jesus Christ provides all of those.

    47:23-47:25

    He provides the counsel of His Word.

    47:28-47:32

    He actually wrote it down for us so that we would know.

    47:32-47:33

    He's given us the counsel of His Word.

    47:34-47:36

    He's also given us the correction of His love.

    47:39-47:46

    He's given us comfort by giving us a comforter, His Holy Spirit who lives within us.

    47:46-47:50

    He's promised to never leave us or forsake us, Hebrews 13, five.

    47:51-47:56

    He's promised that He would be with us until the end of the age, Matthew 28, 20.

    47:58-48:00

    And I want you to hear what Jesus said about friendship.

    48:01-48:03

    This is from John chapter 15.

    48:07-48:16

    Jesus said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

    48:18-48:31

    Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." You are my friends.

    48:33-48:34

    if you do what I command you.

    48:35-48:56

    No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends for all that I've heard from my father I have made known to you." Jesus Christ is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

    48:57-49:00

    Jesus Christ is the friend who knows us at our very worst.

    49:00-49:01

    Do you know that?

    49:03-49:12

    the worst secret dark places about you, the things in your heart that you would be ashamed for people to know, Jesus Christ knows those things.

    49:13-49:16

    And He loves you with an infinite love anyways.

    49:17-49:18

    Isn't that awesome?

    49:19-49:23

    So if our ushers would come forward, we are going to receive the Lord's supper.

    49:25-49:31

    And I would like to remind you as always, you don't have to be a member of Harvest Bible Chapel to receive communion.

    49:33-49:36

    But you do have to be a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.

    49:36-49:40

    You have had to receive him as your Lord and Savior.

    49:43-49:49

    And if that's true, if that's your case, he invites you to take the Lord's Supper.

Small Group Questions ­(Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 18:24

  1. How do you approach a friend when you need counsel? (Proverbs 27:9)
     

  2. Have you ever suffered the loss of a friendship because you told them they were wrong about something they said, did, are doing? How do you respond to correction? (Proverbs 27:6)
     

  3. Who is a friend that comforts you? Share with the group how that friend comforts you, or even a specific time that friend brought comfort. (Proverbs 17:17)

Breakout Questions:

Pray for one another.

Committed to My Children

Guest Speaker - Pastor Jeremiah Canfield, HBC Pittsburgh East

  1. Identify the WAY

  2. Maximize the Training

  3. Two ways to train: Discipling and DDisciplining


    Discipling 101: How?

    • Intentionally
    • Spontaneously
    • Exemplary
    • Consistently
    • Creatively

    Discipling 201: What?

    • Money
    • Purity
    • Friends
    • Working Hard
    • Honesty

    Fear of the Lord

    Disciplining 101: Why?

    • It shows your love
    • It pictures Christ

    Disciplining 201: How?

    • Confrontation
    • Reflection
    • Confession
    • Verbal Correction
    • Scripture Confirmation
    • Physical Correction
    • Restoration
    • Care
    • Repentance

  4. Persevere the to End

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:04

    And what a privilege it is to be able to come and open God's word up and to share some truths from God's word.

    00:05-00:07

    What a great day to celebrate, moms.

    00:07-00:13

    And I hope that you are able to celebrate the mom that God has blessed you with.

    00:13-00:17

    And moms, I pray that you can celebrate the kids that God has blessed you with.

    00:18-00:20

    And we're gonna look a little bit about that.

    00:20-00:25

    When Pastor Jeff asked me to speak, it was probably, I think it was a couple months ago, and we talked.

    00:25-00:29

    I don't think we both realized that today was Mother's Day when we originally talked.

    00:29-00:32

    And so he said, Jeremiah, we're doing this series, can you do something on parenting?

    00:33-00:35

    And I said, sure, I'd love to do it.

    00:36-00:42

    And then I started to realize it's Mother's Day, and I was like, what mom wants to hear a parent's message on Mother's Day?

    00:42-00:44

    And so I know Jeff was just setting me up.

    00:44-00:47

    I think he knew all along, and he was setting me up.

    00:47-00:51

    But it is an honor to come, and I hope that you have come today to hear God's word.

    00:51-00:57

    And I pray that that's the reason why you've come to church this morning, to hear God's word, and that's what we're gonna look at.

    00:58-01:06

    And it might not be the nice little bow ribbon message about mothers, but we're gonna talk about parenting.

    01:06-01:08

    I hope the third reason is why I wanna talk about this this morning.

    01:09-01:14

    And the first reason why I wanted to do this is because it is a tribute to my mom.

    01:14-01:22

    And I was blessed to have a mom and a dad who raised their six kids with the love and a passion for God.

    01:22-01:23

    Were they perfect?

    01:23-01:25

    No, and they were not.

    01:25-01:27

    I'd be the first to admit that, and they'd be the first to admit that.

    01:27-01:29

    But do they do it biblically?

    01:29-01:29

    Yes.

    01:30-01:32

    And I praise God for that.

    01:32-01:35

    And I sent my mom a text early this morning.

    01:35-01:37

    She probably wasn't even up yet, so I hope I didn't wake her up.

    01:38-01:46

    But I sent her a text this morning just thanking her and for how she raised us and the unconditional love that she gave us.

    01:46-01:56

    And I know that if you have a child, that there is a bond, there is a love there that doesn't matter what your child does, that you're gonna unconditionally love them.

    01:56-02:00

    And I see that now with the four kids that God has blessed me with, soon to be five kids.

    02:01-02:02

    That love that is there.

    02:02-02:09

    And so part of what I want to share this morning, even on parenting, is really because what I've learned from my mom and dad.

    02:09-02:11

    I have not arrived, I don't know it all.

    02:11-02:13

    I learned everything from my parents.

    02:13-02:19

    And so it is a tribute to my mom and what she has taught me and what she has done in my life.

    02:19-02:22

    And then also, I pray this message will inspire you.

    02:22-02:27

    You know, sometimes when you hear a message on parenting, and you can sit there and walk out defeated.

    02:27-02:29

    That's not my prayer or my desire at all.

    02:29-02:41

    My prayer and my desire is that you walk inspired to say, "God, let me have children, "let me have grandchildren that have a heart "and a passion for you." And that's my desire and that's my prayer.

    02:41-02:50

    You know when you sometimes walk into a classroom and they teach on something and then you walk out just going, "Wow, I can do it this way a little bit better "and I need to work on this." That's what I pray will happen this morning.

    02:50-03:05

    That as we look at the scriptures, that you'll be able to sit there and say, "Okay God, wherever I'm at in this stage of life, "God, let me take another step forward." And then, the last reason why I wanna share this message with you this morning is hopefully to establish joy.

    03:06-03:12

    Your theme this year is on joy, and this whole thing you've been talking about is joy in these type of relationships.

    03:13-03:19

    And my prayer is that maybe right now as you sit here, there's not a lot of joy in your parenting, or as a mother, whatever it may be.

    03:20-03:33

    But my prayer is that as you apply some of these truths to your life, and you listen to what the Word of God says, then by God's grace, maybe next year as Mother's Day comes around, there will be joy in your heart.

    03:34-03:40

    You know, I realize more as I have kids that my joy a lot depends on how my kids live.

    03:41-03:44

    And if you have kids and you have grandkids, you know that.

    03:44-03:50

    If they're living, seeking after God, how you want them to be, the joy comes and Proverbs talks about that.

    03:51-03:54

    But if you have kids that aren't, it's hard sometimes to have joy.

    03:54-04:11

    And my prayer and my desire is that we look at God's word, that you can apply some of these truths to your life and say, "God, I wanna have a family that is honoring, "that is believing, that is seeking after you." Listen, parenting is the most important task.

    04:11-04:13

    It is so important in our life.

    04:14-04:18

    Martin Luther said this, he says, "This is at least all married people should know.

    04:19-04:36

    "They can do no better work and do nothing more valuable "either for God, for Christendom, for all the world, "for themselves and for their children "than to bring up their children well." What an incredible gift and responsibility that we have in parenting.

    04:37-04:38

    Can we pray together and we'll jump in here.

    04:41-04:43

    Father, I need you.

    04:44-04:48

    God, there is nothing that I can say that will help encourage, inspire a life.

    04:48-04:49

    Lord, it is you and your word.

    04:51-04:54

    And God, Proverbs is full of wisdom and truths.

    04:55-05:05

    And so God, I pray that you would take us and give ears to hear, Lord, and help every person in here, Lord, to look at your word and to be encouraged this morning.

    05:06-05:08

    For your glory, God, in the name of Jesus, I do pray.

    05:09-05:09

    Amen.

    05:10-05:16

    Now, I know as a preacher, getting up and talking, I'm parenting, I'm putting a big bullseye right on my family, okay?

    05:16-05:43

    I know everybody's gonna look at my four kids and say, "Okay, you can talk about this, you can do it." I said, "I am the first one to admit it, "my family's not perfect, okay?" Last Sunday I spoke at Harvest Columbus, and as we're walking out, my little girl, Sayla, two years old, was about to climb up on this ledge I didn't want her to be on, and I looked, I'm talking with the pastor right here, and I looked at Sayla, I said, "Sayla, don't get up there." And as cute as a two-year-old can, she looked at me and said, "No!" And got right up on the ledge.

    05:43-05:46

    And I said, "Excuse me."

    05:48-05:48

    (laughs)

    05:48-05:49

    I don't care how fast or how embarrassing it is.

    05:49-05:52

    My family's not perfect, and please don't get that.

    05:52-06:02

    Even as I walk through some of these things this week, and God knows what we need, and I think I have learned more this week than probably you're gonna learn in the next 30, 40 minutes that I have to share.

    06:03-06:12

    And God is using these truths right here to refine me and to help me, and I have not arrived, my wife hasn't arrived, my family hasn't arrived.

    06:12-06:22

    I remember growing up as a teenager, I used to look at parents or look at teenagers I look at other kids and go, "Man, my kids will never act like that." I mean, never would they ever do that.

    06:22-06:24

    Yeah, that's totally changed now.

    06:25-06:26

    That has not changed.

    06:27-06:28

    I'll tell you what I look at more.

    06:29-06:36

    I look at more now how parents and grandparents act or react when their children misbehave.

    06:37-06:39

    Because listen, children are gonna misbehave.

    06:39-06:41

    And teenagers are gonna do foolish things.

    06:42-06:43

    It's gonna happen.

    06:44-06:54

    What I look at and what I want, I wanna make sure that how I react to it and what I do as a parent is according to this book right here.

    06:56-06:57

    Because that's what's important.

    06:58-07:02

    And so I want us to look at some things this morning.

    07:02-07:06

    If you have your Bibles, you can turn to Proverbs 22.

    07:07-07:10

    Turn to Proverbs 22, and we're gonna look at parenting here a little bit.

    07:11-07:14

    And this message is not just for moms.

    07:15-07:17

    This message is not just for parents.

    07:18-07:21

    I believe it's for grandparents, and I believe for every person that is here.

    07:22-07:29

    Listen, I believe we all, as children of God, I believe that we all are teachers in some form or fashion.

    07:29-07:30

    And you say, "Jim, I don't have any kids.

    07:30-07:33

    "I don't have any grandkids." Listen, you're all our teacher.

    07:33-07:40

    You don't know when your neighbor or that coworker, or you don't know when maybe your child is gonna come and ask for advice.

    07:40-07:43

    They're gonna come to a situation and go, man, I don't know what to do with my child here.

    07:43-07:46

    I don't know what to do in this situation or how I handle this.

    07:46-07:51

    And listen, I wanna give you some things today that you can apply, that you can help them out with.

    07:52-08:01

    So no matter where you're at today, I hope that what we talk about today, you can hold onto and grasp and say, listen, I can use this.

    08:01-08:01

    I don't know when.

    08:02-08:05

    The Bible says, always be ready to give an account for the hope that lies within us.

    08:05-08:08

    And listen, we should know how to handle situations.

    08:09-08:15

    And if we're ready for that, then I believe God will bring those people along your path where you can reach out and help them.

    08:16-08:22

    We say, listen, I don't know everything, but listen, listen to what the scripture says, and let me show you some things, and maybe some ways that you can do it in.

    08:23-08:31

    And then, I believe if you're a teenager here, I believe, I hope that as I go through some of this, you will realize how hard parenting is a little.

    08:32-08:34

    And you'll give your parents just a little bit of slack.

    08:34-08:37

    Because it is tough, and it is difficult.

    08:38-08:42

    And I hope that some of these things that you'll be able to look at and go, "Wow, my parents have to do all that?

    08:42-08:46

    "I guess I'll give 'em a little bit of a break." Okay, so let's look here.

    08:46-08:52

    Proverbs chapter 22, and that's where we're gonna get our outline from Proverbs chapter 22, verse six.

    08:52-08:53

    This is where we're gonna get our outline today.

    08:54-09:03

    We're gonna jump all through Proverbs because Proverbs in most cases is not a book that you just kinda walk verse by verse down because of how Solomon wrote the book.

    09:03-09:05

    You gotta understand how Solomon wrote this book.

    09:05-09:16

    And he talks a little about parenting here He talks about it here and then he talks about it here, and he'll talk about wisdom here and here, and then he'll talk about purity, and he kind of jumps around as he writes this book to his children.

    09:17-09:21

    And so that's what we're gonna look at, but we're gonna get our outline here from Proverbs 22, verse six.

    09:21-09:22

    Let's read it together.

    09:22-09:23

    It says this.

    09:23-09:26

    "Train up a child in the way he should go.

    09:27-09:35

    "Even when he is old, he would not depart from it." Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he would not depart from it.

    09:36-09:39

    Now I know this verse is a very highly debated verse.

    09:39-09:45

    And I'm not gonna spend as much time on the second part of this verse, 'cause that's the part that's really highly debated.

    09:46-09:48

    When he is old, he will not depart from it.

    09:48-09:49

    But this is what I do wanna say.

    09:49-09:52

    I do not believe all the proverbs are promises.

    09:53-09:57

    That's not, they're principles that God is giving to us.

    09:57-10:01

    That they are wise observations, they're underlining principles, they're guidelines.

    10:01-10:03

    Do we need to listen to 'em and obey?

    10:03-10:04

    Yes.

    10:05-10:11

    But I don't believe you can take this as a promise and say if I train in this perfect way, then 100% he's gonna come out right.

    10:12-10:14

    Because look at, you can just example, look at verse four.

    10:15-10:19

    It says, "The reward for humility and fear of the Lord "is rich as honor in life.

    10:20-10:29

    "Not every person who is humble "and fears the Lord is rich." But there is a principle that Proverbs teaches and that Solomon helps us understand.

    10:30-10:35

    And so again, we have to understand how Solomon writes and what the genre of Proverbs is all about.

    10:36-10:48

    But I do, we'll say this, that I believe if you train your child up in the way he should go, that I do believe the majority of time that they're gonna turn out the way that you train them up.

    10:49-10:56

    I do believe that, that we take these truths and we do them, but it is still God that has the final say in it all.

    10:57-11:06

    But listen, parents, I'm ultimately, I'm gonna raise my kids and I'm gonna parent like it depends upon me.

    11:07-11:18

    I know it depends upon God and I put full on Him, but I want to live and I want to parent the best that I can, yes, for God's glory, and because it's all about Him.

    11:19-11:29

    So I hope you're ready to take a couple good notes this morning, hope you have your bulletin, have a piece of paper, because I know this, you will walk out with some notes and some truths if you put 'em down and you listen.

    11:29-12:03

    Now, it's gonna be your choice listen to him if you want to do him, but I will give you some things today. Jeff told me, he said, Jeremiah, will you give some hows on how to do this? And so I will give you some hows, I will give you some thoughts, and you're gonna have to take them and say, okay God, is this how I'm gonna apply to my life? No, the scripture says we have to do it, and I'm gonna try to give some specific hows on how you can. And I hope that you would take these truths this morning, and you walk out saying, God for your glory, I want to do this. Here's the first thing that I see in this verse, that first part is we're gonna look at train up a "and the way you should go." Here's the first thing, identify the way.

    12:04-12:05

    Identify the way.

    12:06-12:11

    I know it's not the first words in the sentence, but I believe it's the most important one to identify first.

    12:11-12:15

    For you must know where you're going in order to train someone.

    12:15-12:17

    You must know what the goal is.

    12:18-12:22

    You must know, okay, this is where I'm heading, this is the direction that I am going.

    12:23-12:29

    And I believe this verse is challenging us to choose the way we desire for our kids to walk.

    12:29-12:31

    Which way is that going to be?

    12:32-12:34

    And that's the question I'd ask you.

    12:34-12:37

    What is the way that you want your kids to walk in?

    12:38-12:41

    What is the way that you want your grandkids to walk in?

    12:41-12:47

    You say, Jeremiah, I mean, we come to church, and yes, we desire our kids to be all about Christ.

    12:47-12:52

    We want them to be followers of Christ, and we want that to be important in our family.

    12:52-12:54

    We want it to be all about Christ.

    12:55-13:03

    But let me ask you, by the demonstration of the way that you parent is following Christ the most important thing in your family.

    13:04-13:12

    You know, we live in a world where sports and money and success, a lot of times becomes the way.

    13:14-13:19

    But by the demonstration of your life, how do you parent?

    13:20-13:23

    How do you, as grandparents, relate to your kids?

    13:24-13:28

    My dad, when I was 13, I think, 13 or 14, junior high, I remember listening to him speak.

    13:29-13:30

    And he made this statement.

    13:30-13:36

    He said, he did not raise his kids to survive this world, but he raised his kids to change this world.

    13:37-13:43

    And I remember thinking about that and looking even at my brothers and looking at how my parents raised us.

    13:43-13:47

    And I believe you talk to any of my brothers and my sister.

    13:47-13:54

    I have four brothers and sisters, five boys, and I have a little sister who's about 18 years, 16 years younger than I am.

    13:55-13:57

    And you talked to us, our desire is to change this world.

    13:59-14:03

    And see, my parents, they said, "It's not just to have good kids, "we wanna have godly kids.

    14:04-14:21

    "We don't just wanna have kids that kinda go through life "and kinda make it through high school "and hope that they get a job "and they don't mess up too much, "but we wanna raise kids that have a passion "and an obsession for God." So how they parent it and how they grandparent now is not just to have good kids, but to say, "God, we want kids that are godly.

    14:22-14:36

    And I have four kids, almost five, and my desire is not just to raise kids who are just gonna go through and survive this world, who are just gonna go through and have a good income and make some money and have a nice little family, but my desire is to have kids that change this world.

    14:37-14:40

    And listen, there is a difference to how you raise kids when it comes like that.

    14:41-14:42

    There's a difference that it comes to.

    14:43-14:50

    And in our minds, we have to identify, okay, what is the way, how are we trying to raise our children, what is it going to look like?

    14:52-14:53

    Identify the way.

    14:53-14:59

    Now, once you have identified the way, now look back at the first couple words in that verse, train up a child.

    15:00-15:03

    Here's the next thing I see is that's maximize the training.

    15:04-15:05

    Maximize the training.

    15:06-15:07

    Here's our job as a parent.

    15:08-15:11

    It is what we must do if we want to walk in that way.

    15:11-15:12

    We have to train them.

    15:13-15:15

    This, and I know this is not an easy thing.

    15:15-15:16

    Listen, training takes effort.

    15:16-15:22

    It has tears and it's pain, But it's the end product that we desire.

    15:22-15:28

    Couple years ago, I got some weird idea and decided to do P90X.

    15:28-15:31

    And so it was this exercise program.

    15:31-15:32

    It goes for 90 days.

    15:32-15:36

    And I said, OK, I'm the type of person, if I start something, I have to finish.

    15:36-15:37

    And so I started.

    15:37-15:38

    And I did pretty good.

    15:39-15:40

    I did about five out of the seven days.

    15:41-15:44

    When it got to the yoga, I'm just doing these weird things.

    15:44-15:45

    That just wasn't me at all.

    15:46-15:48

    And so I didn't really-- I kind of skipped that day.

    15:48-15:49

    But I did.

    15:49-15:59

    Now the reason why I did that is not because I enjoy getting up early in the morning and putting that DVD and working out for the hour to hour and 15 minutes that it took.

    15:59-16:00

    That's not why I enjoy doing it.

    16:01-16:05

    What I enjoy doing it because what they told me I would look like at the end, that's why I did it.

    16:06-16:09

    I didn't look like that, I don't know what happened, I'm suing the company, but no kidding.

    16:10-16:13

    But that's why I did it 'cause there's the end product I was looking for.

    16:14-16:16

    And the whole thing, that's with the parenting.

    16:17-16:18

    It's gonna be hard at times.

    16:18-16:23

    It's gonna take some, it's difficult walking through those steps and walking through those years.

    16:24-16:26

    But it's the end product that we desire.

    16:27-16:30

    And for them to walk in the way.

    16:30-16:34

    You know, there's a truth that we see in this verse and I believe we see through the scriptures.

    16:34-16:36

    From Genesis to Revelation, you'll find it.

    16:36-16:40

    And it's most clearly the verse in Galatians 6 says it.

    16:41-16:51

    Says this, "What you sow, you will reap." And listen, I believe what you put into your children and what you put into your grandkids is what you're gonna get out.

    16:52-16:54

    What you sow is what you're gonna reap.

    16:58-16:59

    I'm not a very good cook.

    17:00-17:06

    About a couple of years, when I was in high school, I was sitting down one day and none of my friends could play and I was sitting there going, I wanna do something.

    17:06-17:09

    And I remember looking in the kitchen going, I'm gonna make some cookies.

    17:09-17:10

    You know how hard can it be?

    17:11-17:13

    You know, my mom, I've helped my mom before.

    17:13-17:14

    This is not a big deal, make some cookies.

    17:15-17:18

    And so no one was home except me, which was a bad mistake.

    17:18-17:32

    And so I walked in the kitchen, and I pulled out one cookbook, and I pulled out another cookbook, Betty Crocker, and I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna compare recipes, "and see which one, and kind of see what it looks like." And so I started to walk down these two recipes, and they were pretty much the same.

    17:32-17:35

    I had the flour, and so on and so forth.

    17:35-17:40

    And I got about halfway down, and one recipe called for Crisco, and one recipe called for butter.

    17:41-17:43

    I was like, "Crisco, it's above the sink.

    17:43-17:46

    "Butter's in the refrigerator." I said, "They're two different things.

    17:46-17:50

    "Well, I'll just put both of 'em in." And so I put a whole thing of Crisco in, a whole thing of butter in.

    17:50-17:55

    And I continued down, walked the whole recipe, and at the end, I tasted the batter, and it was incredible.

    17:56-18:03

    And I was like, "Yeah, these are gonna be "some good cookies." I mean, it was sweet, and I was like, "Yeah." Well, I didn't read the paragraph at the end.

    18:03-18:04

    I still don't understand why cookbooks do that.

    18:05-18:08

    They give you the recipe, then they give you the paragraph that tells you how to preheat the oven.

    18:08-18:11

    I was like, "That should always be before." But I finally read the paragraph at the end.

    18:11-18:13

    It said to preheat the oven at 350.

    18:13-18:14

    I was like, "Man, I don't have time.

    18:14-18:19

    "I'm ready to in the oven on 350, I was like, well, I'll just put a couple in and we'll see what happens.

    18:19-18:24

    So I put two cookies and I stuck them in and I think they were supposed to go for like 13 to 18 minutes, something like that.

    18:24-18:27

    And I was like, well, I'll leave a little bit longer 'cause I didn't preheat the oven.

    18:27-18:34

    Well, I walked to my bedroom and I came back and about 10 minutes later, 'cause I was just excited to see how my cookies were gonna taste.

    18:35-18:41

    And I walked in and I pulled it down and looked at 'em and they were burnt to a crisp.

    18:42-18:42

    I said, what?

    18:43-18:45

    I said, I only left 'em in for 10 minutes.

    18:45-18:51

    And so I pulled those out and I took two more cookies and I stuck 'em in and within five minutes they were burnt.

    18:52-18:57

    I was like, "This is impossible." And so I pulled those out, took two more cookies, stuck it in, and put it in the oven.

    18:58-19:12

    And no joke, within one minute my cookies were burnt because you could look at 'em and flick 'em and they'd go (imitates explosion) and I was like, "What is going on here?" And so I called up a friend of mine, which that was probably a mistake too 'cause she has not let me live it down to this day.

    19:12-19:18

    And I called up and said, "Okay, listen." I knew she was a good cook kind of like our youth pastor's wife, and I said, "What's going on?

    19:18-19:26

    "I'm trying to make these cookies, "they didn't work out." And she said, "What'd you put in it?" And so I kind of walked down the thing, and she said, "Whoa," and I said, "Crisco and butter." She said, "Whoa, Jeremiah, what do you mean?

    19:26-19:33

    "You put Crisco and butter in?" I said, "Yeah, they're not the same." Well, after she stopped laughing for a little bit, then she said, "Jeremiah, you can't do that.

    19:33-19:39

    "You either gotta put one or the other, "or put just half of it." And what happens when I put in, they just fried.

    19:40-19:41

    Now, here's what I learned.

    19:41-19:45

    Number one is that Jeremiah doesn't know how to cook, and Jeremiah needs to stay out of the kitchen.

    19:45-19:46

    And that's why I married my wife.

    19:46-19:49

    She's an incredible cook and makes incredible chocolate chip cookies.

    19:49-19:49

    So I just let her do it.

    19:50-19:54

    But here's the second thing I learned, is what you put into something is what you're gonna get out of it.

    19:55-19:59

    You know, I put the wrong stuff in, and so my cookies did not turn out too well.

    20:00-20:03

    And what you put, I believe that's what this verse is really saying.

    20:04-20:09

    You train up a child in the way he should go, what you put in, and when he is old, he will not depart.

    20:10-20:11

    That's what you're gonna get out.

    20:12-20:16

    And so it's important that we understand, Okay, we need to train our children.

    20:17-20:19

    And I believe there's two important ways to train.

    20:20-20:23

    One is discipling them, and one is disciplining them.

    20:24-20:26

    Let's look at these two things here real quick.

    20:26-20:28

    Well, and let's start with discipling.

    20:29-20:29

    What's it mean?

    20:29-20:32

    If I'm gonna train my child, I believe you're gonna disciple your child.

    20:33-20:35

    Disciple, and it means to follow.

    20:35-20:37

    Listen, really, kids are just followers.

    20:38-20:42

    And they're either gonna follow you, or they're gonna follow this world.

    20:42-20:46

    They're either gonna follow what the TV says, or they're gonna follow what their friends say.

    20:47-20:51

    They're gonna follow what the internet says, or they're gonna follow you.

    20:52-20:58

    Your teenagers are gonna be discipled, and your kids are gonna be discipled by someone or something.

    20:59-21:03

    And I don't know about you, but I wanna be the one doing that.

    21:03-21:05

    Because I don't trust this world.

    21:06-21:12

    And if I have a way that I want my child to walk, then I want to be the one discipling my child.

    21:13-21:14

    Now, let me say this.

    21:14-21:17

    I do believe that discipling never ends.

    21:18-21:20

    The discipline, which we'll talk about soon, it will end someday.

    21:21-21:29

    Someday as they get older, you basically turn the discipline that you are called to do according to Proverbs, and you're gonna turn it over to God, and he's gonna be the one disciplining them.

    21:29-21:32

    So I believe there's a point where discipline as a parent does end.

    21:33-21:35

    But the discipling, it doesn't end.

    21:35-21:38

    And I don't care if you're 60 here, you're still a disciple of your kids.

    21:39-21:41

    And if you have, how many have grandkids here?

    21:41-21:42

    If you have grandkids, great.

    21:43-21:50

    I believe one of your responsibilities, I'll look at a verse here just in a second on that, but one of your responsibilities is to disciple your grandkids.

    21:50-21:53

    And so discipling never ends.

    21:53-21:58

    Now, one of my favorite verses on discipling, and I'm gonna stay in Proverbs the rest of the time, I promise, Jeff, okay?

    21:58-22:01

    But just for this one, because anytime I talk about training kids, I love this verse.

    22:01-22:03

    So flip over with me to Deuteronomy chapter six.

    22:04-22:15

    Just Deuteronomy chapter six, we're gonna come back, you can keep your finger in Proverbs, we're gonna come right back over to Proverbs, but there's a verse here in Deuteronomy chapter six, couple verses here, there's some of my favorite verses when it comes to discipling.

    22:16-22:21

    Let me read it to you, it says, in Deuteronomy chapter six, look at verse five.

    22:22-22:25

    You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind.

    22:26-22:29

    And these words I command you today shall be on your heart.

    22:29-22:31

    You shall teach them diligently to your children.

    22:31-22:32

    Here it is.

    22:32-22:43

    You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." What's he saying here?

    22:44-22:48

    He's saying that every area of your life, you're going to disciple your kids.

    22:49-22:56

    And if we, in Deuteronomy chapter 4, verse 9, it says to teach these things to your children, and to your children's children.

    22:57-22:58

    So that puts you in this, grandparents.

    23:00-23:08

    Not only are you supposed to teach your children the great things that God has done as a discipler, but also to your children and to their children.

    23:08-23:09

    So, how?

    23:09-23:12

    Jeff asked me to give some thoughts on how do you do that.

    23:12-23:14

    So here's Discipling 101, okay?

    23:14-23:17

    So it's a right to me say, how do you teach your children?

    23:17-23:19

    Well, I'm gonna grab some from this verse and some from Proverbs.

    23:20-23:21

    And first of all, intentionally.

    23:22-23:23

    Intentionally.

    23:23-23:32

    It says here in this verse, you shall teach them diligently, that's a good word right there, diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house.

    23:33-23:34

    I believe it's intentionally.

    23:34-23:36

    I'm sitting down talking with my kids.

    23:36-23:38

    This is an intentional discipleship.

    23:39-23:41

    Solomon, the book of Proverbs, what is he doing?

    23:41-23:47

    He was intentionally discipling his kids by writing a book to them saying, listen, this is how you need to live.

    23:48-23:49

    So let me ask you a question.

    23:49-23:53

    How are you intentionally teaching your kids and your grandkids right now?

    23:54-23:59

    What are you doing to intentionally teach your kids about who God is?

    23:59-24:03

    You see, we wanna get as much of God on their mental grid as we possibly can.

    24:04-24:05

    So what are you doing?

    24:06-24:18

    And besides bringing them to church, you say, "Jeremiah, take them to church every Sunday." Okay, besides bringing them to church, what are you doing as a parent, as a grandparent to intentionally teach your kids about who God is and about the way we want them to walk?

    24:19-24:26

    I remember some years ago, I was sitting down, I was like, "What do I want my kids to know "when they graduate at 18?" I said, "There are four things "I really want my kids to know.

    24:26-24:28

    "One, I want them to know who God is.

    24:28-24:29

    "I can't force them to know God.

    24:29-24:30

    "I can't do that.

    24:30-24:36

    to force your kids, your grandkids to know God, but I can teach them who God is, and I can make sure they know who God is.

    24:37-24:39

    I said I want them to know I'm obedience.

    24:39-24:41

    I want by the time they're 18, they know what it means to obey.

    24:42-24:43

    And that's an important lesson.

    24:44-24:45

    I want them to know their gender.

    24:45-24:48

    I want them to know what it means to be a girl, what it means to be a boy.

    24:49-24:51

    Our society is starting to blur those lines a little bit.

    24:51-24:53

    I wanna make sure they understand that.

    24:53-24:55

    And then I want them to know that I love them.

    24:56-24:57

    Without a shadow of a doubt, I love them.

    24:58-25:06

    Now, and so my question, I'd ask myself, "Kid, Jeremiah, what are you gonna do "to intentionally teach your kids these things?" And there are different things that we do.

    25:06-25:09

    You know, I'll sit down with my kids, and we'll kind of do like these catechism type things.

    25:09-25:10

    We're all asking questions.

    25:11-25:17

    One of the first things I asked them was, you know, "Why do we live, and how do we answer back, "you know, for the glory of God?" And so I've teached my kids that.

    25:17-25:19

    I've asked them, you know, "Man is a," and they'll say, "Sinner.

    25:19-25:29

    "We are saved by," and they'll say, "Grace." And I'll say, "What's the most important thing in life?" And they'll say, "Love God and love people." I'll say, and rose again.

    25:29-25:32

    I'll ask Had, and he's a little bit older, I'll ask him, what's it mean to be justified?

    25:33-25:34

    And he says, declare righteous.

    25:34-25:38

    What's it mean to be sanctified to live with Jesus, becoming like Christ?

    25:38-25:41

    What's it mean to be glorified to live with Jesus?

    25:42-25:45

    Listen, does Hadden understand what it really means to be justified?

    25:45-25:45

    No.

    25:46-25:56

    This is what I do want, that someday when he opens the word of God up and he reads Romans three or Romans five and it says that he's been justified, I want him to go, you know what?

    25:56-25:57

    I know what that means.

    25:57-25:59

    That means I've been declared righteous.

    26:00-26:04

    You see, right now I wanna get as much as I can in their mental grid, intentionally.

    26:05-26:07

    Maybe it's sitting down and just having family devotions with them.

    26:08-26:10

    My wife goes through and teaches my kids different verses.

    26:12-26:13

    Intentionally, I wanna do that.

    26:13-26:15

    How are you doing that with your teenagers?

    26:15-26:20

    How are you intentionally getting God, getting the way that you want them to walk in their mental grid?

    26:20-26:27

    Listen, if you don't, but you take them to sports practice three or four times a week, Listen, that's intentionally what you're teaching them.

    26:28-26:31

    And then we sit there and we say, I don't understand why my kid walked the wrong way.

    26:31-26:33

    Well, what are you intentionally doing with your children?

    26:34-26:35

    Because that's what your children are gonna follow.

    26:36-26:37

    That's the way that they're gonna identify.

    26:37-26:46

    Even though you can say we want God to be first and we want to, but what are you doing to intentionally teach your children the way that you want them to walk?

    26:46-26:49

    Intentionally, here's another thing that I see in this passage is spontaneously.

    26:50-26:51

    I mean, look at the next part.

    26:51-26:59

    It says you should talk when you sit in your house, And when you walk by the way, I believe even as you walk, take every effort to point your family to Christ.

    27:00-27:03

    Everything that you do, just as you're walking around, to point them towards Christ.

    27:04-27:08

    Listen, you can learn a lot of life lessons just going to Walmart, okay?

    27:09-27:14

    I have taught my kids numerous things, not purposely, but just spontaneously as we walk through Walmart.

    27:14-27:15

    I mean, even like, we went the other day.

    27:16-27:19

    But there were, yesterday, but I'll tell you this story first.

    27:19-27:21

    I went the other, it was probably a couple years ago.

    27:21-27:24

    We were walking down Walmart and my wife enjoys it when we all go to Walmart together.

    27:25-27:25

    Grocery shopping.

    27:26-27:29

    I don't know why, but she likes it when we're all there.

    27:29-27:32

    So what happens usually is she's grocery shopping and I'm kind of pushing the kids around trying to keep them occupied.

    27:33-27:39

    And so we're walking down this aisle one time and about the other end of the aisle, there was this mom and son just going at it.

    27:39-27:41

    And the son was yelling at the mom, the mom was yelling at the kid.

    27:41-27:48

    And Karis, I think she was about three at this time, she looked at me and she said, "Daddy, I shouldn't act like that, should I?" I stopped everything right there.

    27:49-27:50

    I said, "That's right, Karis.

    27:51-27:52

    We don't act like that, do we?

    27:52-27:53

    I said, how do we act?

    27:53-27:56

    And listen, we had a great opportunity to talk right then.

    27:57-28:01

    And just of, hey, listen, I didn't plan that, but it was great, she identified that.

    28:01-28:03

    And spontaneously, I had a great teaching moment.

    28:04-28:07

    And we'll walk through Walmart, and now my kids are like, we shouldn't act like that.

    28:07-28:09

    So we're down, I'm like, shh, don't talk so loud.

    28:09-28:10

    But they'll learn.

    28:11-28:17

    Last night, we were in Walmart, some kid was yelling and screaming, and it was a great time to sit there and tell my kids, we don't act like that, do we?

    28:18-28:19

    No, and they look and they can see that.

    28:19-28:23

    I don't want to act like that. Why harm I? Why do I do that?

    28:24-28:38

    Spontaneously, I remember we were in the mall one time and Karras, I was with Karras and Hatton, just had two kids at this time, and my wife was in a shop and I was in that middle section where all the men sit, and I was sitting there and there's a flower next to me. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna teach my child something.

    28:38-29:01

    So I said, "Karras, come here." I said, "Karras, who made this plant?" And she looked at me and said, "God did." I said, "That's right, Karras." And then she looked at me and said, "Daddy, how did God make that plant?" I said, "Go play with Hatton." Yeah, but in every way, as you're walking outside, this carousel the other day, I said, "God, man, isn't that a beautiful sky, Daddy?" And I said, "Carousel, who made the sky?" Point them towards Christ.

    29:02-29:09

    Spontaneously, you have teenagers, sit down, you're watching the news or watching something on TV, and something comes up that would be against the scriptures.

    29:10-29:13

    You know, what a great time to stop and say, "Listen, what does the Bible say about that?

    29:14-29:20

    "What does the word of God say about that?" You didn't plan it, but just spontaneously getting much of this book.

    29:21-29:26

    You're a teenager, you go to a movie, come back and sit with them for a second, take five minutes and say, "Okay, let me ask you a question.

    29:26-29:31

    What in that movie was against the Scriptures?" Not that you can't go to the movie, but what in that movie was against the Scriptures?

    29:31-29:37

    Because I want to make sure that you have a biblical view of what has happened in this world, a biblical view of what is going on.

    29:38-29:39

    That's just spontaneously.

    29:39-29:43

    Just spontaneously as you walk along the way, teaching them about God.

    29:43-29:47

    Here's another one, exemplary, exemplary, did I say that right?

    29:47-29:48

    I can spell it, it's right there.

    29:49-29:51

    Verse five, look at verse five here.

    29:52-30:00

    It says, "You shall love the Lord your God "with all your heart, with all your soul, "with all your mind." Listen, before I believe you can teach, you must make sure you praxonate yourself.

    30:02-30:09

    I believe that one of the reasons why my five siblings and myself are seeking after God today is because we saw my parents live it.

    30:09-30:16

    My dad, most pastor's kids, most, as they grow up, Man, they can't wait to get out of the church.

    30:17-30:24

    The reason why I believe that we do, because my dad would come up and preach something on Sunday and through the week, and then he'd live it behind the doors of our home.

    30:25-30:25

    And my mom did too.

    30:27-30:28

    You be the example.

    30:28-30:32

    Listen, the best example for your kids and your grandkids is not the church.

    30:33-30:38

    Now, hopefully there are people in here that are gonna be example, that the best example they have is you.

    30:38-30:40

    Listen, you want your kids to be a prayer warrior?

    30:40-30:41

    You be a prayer warrior.

    30:42-30:45

    You want your kids to be pure, you be pure.

    30:45-30:49

    You want your kids to have a love for this book right here, then you have a love for the book.

    30:50-30:57

    You want your kids to follow after Christ, then you show them what it means to have a passion and an obsession for Christ.

    30:58-31:00

    You be the example for them.

    31:00-31:05

    You set the tone for them of what it should look like.

    31:06-31:08

    Here's the next one, consistently.

    31:09-31:14

    It says in the last part of that verse, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up.

    31:14-31:20

    I believe even Solomon, as he walks through the Proverbs, I don't think that was just a one time that he taught that wisdom to his children.

    31:21-31:23

    I think it was over a period of time.

    31:24-31:25

    Consistently teach them.

    31:25-31:27

    And listen, parenting is not for wimps.

    31:28-31:31

    And consistency is one of the toughest things for me.

    31:31-31:32

    I'll be the first to admit it.

    31:32-31:35

    Some days I do a lot better than some days I do a lot worse.

    31:35-31:37

    But we need to be consistent.

    31:38-31:40

    And a couple ways that we try.

    31:40-31:46

    One way that helps me be consistent is I have to nail down a specific time when I'm going to do something.

    31:46-31:47

    It has to be a habit.

    31:48-31:51

    And so one of the habits we have in our family is before we go to bed each night, I pray with my kids.

    31:52-31:54

    That's just a habit that we do.

    31:54-31:55

    My dad did it to me, that's how I learned it.

    31:56-31:58

    My mom and dad, my dad every night before I went to bed, he'd come pray with us.

    31:58-32:00

    And so every night before I go to bed, I pray with my children.

    32:00-32:03

    And I would say 98% of the time we do that.

    32:04-32:07

    Because I know, and I'll tell you, 100% of the time I think about it.

    32:07-32:11

    There's sometimes, you know, they're already asleep or something else, may walk in the room, pray over 'em.

    32:11-32:13

    But I pray with my kids every night.

    32:13-32:15

    We take turns, we go around, and we pray.

    32:15-32:16

    Family devotions, another thing.

    32:17-32:22

    You say, "Well, we'll kinda try to get to it this week." Unless you have a consistent time when you're doing it, it's not gonna happen.

    32:22-32:23

    It has to be a habit.

    32:25-32:26

    And consistency's important.

    32:26-32:33

    And I know some people get scared of family devotions and they think, "Listen, you come and watch "our family devotions, you'll think "nothing happens during it." And it's true.

    32:33-32:35

    I mean, I have four kids, eight and under.

    32:35-32:42

    If we can sit for five minutes without someone hitting somebody or someone screaming or something, then that's a miracle right there.

    32:42-32:47

    And so, and that's about all, our family devotions literally last between five and seven minutes most of the time.

    32:48-32:49

    But you know what I'm showing them?

    32:49-32:52

    Is the consistency that God is important in our family.

    32:52-32:53

    And this is what we do.

    32:54-32:55

    And we do it every night, we do it at night.

    32:56-33:01

    Every once in a while we'll do it at supper time, but I always know if we're gonna bed, that's the me time, that we'll get together.

    33:01-33:04

    And I know when your kids get older, it gets tougher and how that works.

    33:04-33:09

    And maybe it's just, you can say, "We're gonna insist to do it three times a week "and we're gonna do it this time." but make it a consistent time.

    33:10-33:13

    Because otherwise it's gonna be a hit and miss, the habit that is there.

    33:13-33:16

    Consistency, and then the last one there is creatively.

    33:17-33:20

    I believe Solomon even demonstrated that to us here in Proverbs.

    33:20-33:23

    I mean, he gives word pictures to his kids, he gives daily life lessons.

    33:24-33:25

    Say, Jeremiah, I'm not a creative person.

    33:25-33:26

    Well, then ask somebody.

    33:27-33:28

    Say, hey, I need some help.

    33:28-33:31

    How do I do this in a way that my kids maybe enjoy a little more?

    33:31-33:32

    I need some creativity here.

    33:33-33:33

    And ask.

    33:35-33:37

    But discipling them is so important.

    33:37-33:39

    Let me quickly go on to this next thing.

    33:39-33:41

    What do we disciple them in?

    33:42-33:50

    Well, I believe Proverbs is full of truths that you can pull out, but let me give you some key ones that I'm trying to do with my kids, and I hope that you will try as we look at Proverbs here.

    33:50-33:53

    One thing you can disciple your kids in is just the whole area of money.

    33:53-33:56

    I mean, Proverbs has numerous verses on money.

    33:56-34:09

    Proverbs 13, 11, it says, "Dishonest money dwindles away, "but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow." Proverbs 23, four, "Do not wear yourself out to get rich, but have the wisdom to show restraint.

    34:10-34:11

    You need to teach your kids about money.

    34:12-34:16

    Listen, if you don't, then the world's gonna teach 'em, and I don't want the world teaching them what money is.

    34:17-34:19

    I wanna teach 'em what money's about.

    34:19-34:26

    And I'm trying my kids right now to teach 'em when they get money, not just to spend it all, but to save some, and to give some, and to spend some.

    34:27-34:30

    And so teaching your kids about money is important right now.

    34:30-34:32

    Here's another one, purity.

    34:32-34:33

    Proverbs chapter seven.

    34:34-34:36

    As we know the passage, as the adulterous woman.

    34:37-34:39

    But listen, the man was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    34:40-34:44

    And there's lessons that you can teach your child, your son, about not being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    34:45-34:48

    And there are lessons you can teach your daughter about not being like the adulterous woman.

    34:48-34:54

    And that's just one passage, but all through Proverbs, he talks about purity and the importance of what it is to be pure.

    34:54-34:57

    Listen, you need to teach your kids what it means to be pure.

    34:57-34:59

    You need to ask your kids, are they being pure?

    35:00-35:01

    Don't just expect it.

    35:01-35:06

    My parents tried at an early age to kind of help us out in this whole area of purity.

    35:07-35:14

    When Steven was like four or five or something like that, he was in a club, a kids club, and some little girl was going on a kissing rampage.

    35:14-35:29

    And so my dad started to talk to him, said, "Steven, listen, if you don't kiss a girl "until you're married, I'll give you $5,000." And, you know, that kind of meant nothing really as much as a six-year-old, but he told all of us that at seven, eight years old, that if we didn't kiss a girl until we were getting married, he'd give us $5,000.

    35:30-35:33

    My wife and I got married 10 years ago, almost 10 years ago this year.

    35:33-35:37

    And the first time I ever kissed my wife on the lips was on our marriage day.

    35:37-35:47

    And I went through high school, I went through college, and I told friends in college that, or in high school, and they'd be like, "What, are you crazy?" But listen, I knew what I wanted.

    35:47-35:53

    I knew what I needed in a wife, with the word of God said, and I didn't have to kiss a hundred different girls to figure that out.

    35:54-35:59

    And it was such an honor to be able to stand before my wife on my wedding day and say, "Listen, you were the first person I ever kissed.

    36:00-36:01

    "I have no scars.

    36:01-36:06

    I have nothing to look in the past and go, yeah, I did it with that person, I did it with that person, I did it with that person.

    36:06-36:09

    No, I could look at it, I don't look back and regret that at all.

    36:09-36:11

    I have the rest of my life to make out with my wife.

    36:12-36:14

    And we've made up for all the years that I've missed.

    36:16-36:18

    And so I don't look back and regret that at all.

    36:20-36:22

    But I'll tell you, there's a lot of people who look back and regret what they did.

    36:22-36:28

    And what my parents did was this, they knew if we didn't, it's not wrong to kiss before you get married, don't get me wrong, at least in and of itself.

    36:30-36:33

    But what my parents knew, If we didn't kiss before we got married, we probably weren't gonna jump in bed before.

    36:34-36:36

    And so they went after our purity.

    36:37-36:48

    And they said, "Listen, let's challenge you to be pure." My dad in high school would ask me, "How are you doing, Jeremiah, in your purity, in your thought life?" You know, I challenge you, dads, if you have teenagers, you need to ask your boys how they're doing morally.

    36:49-36:52

    And I'm not saying it's always a fun conversation, but it needs to be asked.

    36:54-36:59

    Because if you're not, then every teenager, every teenage boy, every teenage girl is struggling with it.

    37:01-37:04

    And I want to have that relationship with my kids that I can ask them that.

    37:05-37:07

    And listen, if you're going to ask them, you've got to be honest how you're doing too.

    37:08-37:12

    And I would ask my dad, I'd say, "Dad, how are you doing?" He'd have to be, "I'm a pastor." And he'd have to tell me.

    37:12-37:15

    And we'd keep each other accountable in this whole area of morals.

    37:16-37:19

    And listen, that's what Solomon was doing here in Proverbs.

    37:20-37:20

    Purity.

    37:21-37:25

    Don't just say, "Well, I hope they make it." Listen, two out of every three high school students do not graduate as virgins.

    37:26-37:29

    If you just hope they make it, they're probably going to fall into that stat.

    37:29-37:30

    Don't let that.

    37:31-37:33

    Be proactive on that purity.

    37:34-37:36

    Even as a grandparent, you can be, I mean, you can challenge your grandkid.

    37:36-37:47

    "Man, Doug, you don't kiss someone to your mirror, I'll give you 5,000 bucks." "Maybe you say a thousand, you know, I don't know." And again, it's not that, it's just, let's challenge our children in this area of what it means to be pure.

    37:48-37:49

    Here's another one, just to fear the Lord.

    37:50-37:52

    Fourteen times in the book of Proverbs, it talks about fearing the Lord.

    37:53-37:57

    Proverbs 1:7, "Fear the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." What does it mean to fear the Lord?

    37:57-38:29

    The fear of the Lord is to have the continual awareness that I am always in God's presence and that everything that I'm doing is being Judged by God. Listen, we need to teach our teenagers that. Yes, we need to teach our teenagers that God is love And we didn't teach our children that God is love But we also need to help them understand that everything that they do is being judged by God That is to have the fear of the Lord There's another one working hard Proverbs 6 We need to teach our children how to work hard.

    38:29-38:35

    I remember as a youth pastor, we'd have work days at our church, and I could tell which parents taught their kids how to work hard and which parents didn't.

    38:36-38:39

    Because some of the kids that knew how to work hard, they would work hard.

    38:39-38:41

    And I'm trying to teach my kids that right now.

    38:42-38:45

    My kids yesterday with my wife, they went outside and they cleaned the van.

    38:46-38:51

    And some of them, Kara, she thought picking up toys and taking them up to the, into the house was too hard.

    38:52-38:53

    And we had a long talk.

    38:53-38:56

    It's amazing, I'm going through this right here, And God gave me tons of lessons yesterday.

    38:58-39:02

    And what I can do, okay, listen, dear, let me tell you what the Bible says about working hard.

    39:03-39:05

    I want my kids to understand what it means about working hard.

    39:05-39:06

    Friends would be the next one.

    39:07-39:08

    Or honesty, excuse me, honesty.

    39:09-39:10

    Teach them what it means to be honest.

    39:10-39:16

    Proverbs 12, 17, "So whoever speaks the truth "gives honest evidence." Listen, we need to teach our kids what it means to be honest.

    39:16-39:17

    Here's the next one quickly.

    39:17-39:26

    Friends, Proverbs 13, 20 says, "Walk with the wise, you'll be wise, "but the companion of fools will be destroyed." Listen, wrong friends will destroy your kids maybe quicker than anything.

    39:28-39:30

    Teach your kids what it means to have the right friends.

    39:31-39:38

    I challenge you if you have kids in high school to sit your kids down and say, write out your top five friends and let them write it out.

    39:39-39:41

    And then take this verse right here, Proverbs 13 20.

    39:42-39:47

    You can also take down First Corinthians 15 33 and also Psalms one.

    39:47-39:56

    And all those First Corinthians 15 33 says, "Bad company corrupts good morals." And just say, okay, the kids that you're hanging out with, what are they like?

    39:56-39:57

    Let's talk about them.

    39:57-40:00

    And then ask them, should you hang out with them because you're gonna be like them.

    40:00-40:02

    That's the word of God says.

    40:02-40:06

    You walk with the wise, you're gonna be wise, but to hang out with fools, you're gonna be a fool.

    40:06-40:07

    And teenagers, I tell you, it's gonna happen.

    40:08-40:10

    Who you hang out with is who you're gonna become like.

    40:10-40:12

    Bad company corrupts good morals.

    40:12-40:16

    And it's a great exercise just to walk through with your teenagers and say, listen, do you wanna be like them?

    40:16-40:18

    It's not even you preaching at them.

    40:18-40:20

    Sometimes you start preaching at your teenagers, they're gonna turn you off real quick.

    40:21-40:23

    But if you say, okay, listen, here's what the word of God says.

    40:24-40:26

    You said this person acts like that.

    40:27-40:27

    Do you wanna be like that?

    40:28-40:29

    If they say, well, no, not really.

    40:30-40:31

    And the question is, should you hang out with that person?

    40:33-40:34

    Just go to the scriptures.

    40:34-40:35

    Let the scriptures challenge them.

    40:36-40:44

    So friends, listen, train is tough and it takes a lot of work and it's hard to do, but we are our children's discipler.

    40:45-40:46

    So are you discipling your kids?

    40:48-40:50

    Train up your child, disciple them.

    40:50-40:51

    Here's the other way you train.

    40:51-40:53

    We'll quickly go through this disciplining.

    40:53-40:57

    The first question that we must ask when it comes to discipline is why do we discipline?

    40:57-40:59

    Well, first of all, because it shows that we love them.

    41:00-41:09

    Proverbs 13, 24 says, "Whoever spares the rod "hates his son, but he who loves him "is diligent to discipline him." Listen, if you love your kids, then you will discipline them.

    41:10-41:13

    It shows that we love them, and then secondly, it pictures Christ.

    41:13-41:18

    Proverbs 3, 11 and 12 says this, "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline.

    41:19-41:29

    "The Lord reproves him whom he loves." "the Father, the Son whom he delights." Listen, the example of why we discipline our children is because God disciplines us.

    41:29-41:31

    And so we're picturing that for our kids.

    41:31-41:40

    I believe I understand the discipline of God in a greater way because of how my kids disciplined me, how my parents disciplined me.

    41:41-41:51

    And a lot of parents, a lot of parents or a lot of teenagers do not understand God's discipline because their parents didn't do it in the correct way.

    41:51-41:57

    And it's so important that we understand what it means to discipline our children.

    41:58-42:05

    Now, let me ask you, how many of you ever sat in a class or sat at a time with a message where someone showed you steps of how to discipline your kids?

    42:07-42:07

    No one?

    42:07-42:08

    Maybe one, okay.

    42:08-42:09

    I think one or two, three.

    42:11-42:16

    Now, I believe it is so important that we understand the correct way of how to discipline.

    42:17-42:18

    And it does.

    42:18-42:36

    I've spoken with my dad on family stuff all across America, and most people said this, "I've never been taught." And so most just kind of have to figure out themselves, and then they realize that maybe they did it wrong when they look back, or they're saying, "I don't, it's not working." Now, let me give you a couple things, I believe, on how you can discipline your children.

    42:36-42:38

    And again, I learned this 'cause this is how my dad did it to us.

    42:39-42:42

    And if you look at the track records, he has six kids that I believe are following after Christ.

    42:43-42:43

    I think he did right.

    42:43-42:44

    That's what I'm trying to do with my kids.

    42:45-42:46

    And here's a couple things.

    42:46-42:52

    I believe when your son does something, or your daughter does something that is wrong, here's some steps I do.

    42:52-42:53

    First of all is the confrontation.

    42:54-42:54

    So important.

    42:55-42:57

    Don't let them think they can get away with anything.

    42:58-43:02

    Listen, I understand when you're out in public, sometimes you're not gonna be able to do more than just this.

    43:02-43:13

    But even in public, when my kids don't do what they're supposed to do, I try to look 'em in the eye and explain to them, confront them and say, "Listen, that is not how we act." I wanna identify every time they're doing something they shouldn't.

    43:14-43:16

    And so the confrontation is there.

    43:16-43:19

    Now if you're at home or you're in a place, then the next thing is reflection.

    43:19-43:22

    And that is to send them to their room or send them to your room.

    43:22-43:23

    Sometimes you send them to their room, they just come play with toys.

    43:24-43:26

    And so send them to your room, that's what we had to do.

    43:26-43:27

    We had to go sit in my dad's bed.

    43:27-43:28

    And we had to sit there.

    43:28-43:31

    What happened is I knew dad was coming up in a minute or two and I had to think about what I just did.

    43:32-43:38

    And the other thing that does is it gives you as a parent the opportunity to make sure you're coming up in the right way and doing the discipline in the correct way.

    43:39-43:45

    A lot of times when we discipline as parents, you know, they do something wrong and we're in the flesh and we're kind of angry and we discipline right then.

    43:45-43:46

    Well, that's not how it's supposed to be.

    43:47-43:49

    And we've done wrong when we discipline anger.

    43:50-43:57

    And so give some time to cool down, make sure that you're in the spirit, and then you walk up to your children and you walk up to your child.

    43:57-43:59

    Here's the next thing, isn't it confession?

    43:59-44:08

    Ask your kids, ask your child right there, say, "What did you do that was wrong?" And we did this yesterday, numerous times.

    44:08-44:11

    And so I had a great opportunity to walk through this.

    44:11-44:17

    And I looked at my child, Karis, I said, "Karis, what did you do that was wrong?" Why?

    44:17-44:19

    Because I want her to identify what she did.

    44:20-44:25

    If you just spank your kid, and they're like, "Oh, what was that for?" Well, then you didn't hit, you didn't, it didn't get right.

    44:25-44:26

    They didn't get the point.

    44:27-44:31

    So I said, "Okay, what did you do that was wrong?" Well, I hit my brother.

    44:31-44:35

    Well, it had, and he's at this point, where sometimes he'd be like, "Well, I think I," I go, "No, I don't want to think.

    44:36-44:40

    "What did you do that was wrong?" "Well, I might have." "Nope, no mights either, okay?

    44:41-44:46

    "What did you do that was wrong?" to identify what they did was wrong, and a confession.

    44:46-44:49

    And then secondly, a verbal correction.

    44:49-44:50

    Talk to them about it for a second.

    44:50-44:51

    Say, "Listen, that's a sin.

    44:51-44:53

    "Here's what the word of God says.

    44:53-44:55

    "The Bible says to obey your parents.

    44:55-44:57

    "Mom told you to do that, you didn't obey.

    44:57-44:58

    "That's wrong.

    44:58-45:01

    "The Bible says to be kind one to another." That's a verse that we talk about all the time.

    45:01-45:02

    Be kind one to another.

    45:03-45:04

    You know, you hit your brother.

    45:04-45:10

    The Bible says, "Be kind to one another." And so verbally correct them and show them, okay, this is wrong that you do.

    45:10-45:13

    And that's the second one there would be the scripture confirmation.

    45:14-45:17

    And our next fifth one, scripture confirmation.

    45:17-45:19

    And just show 'em a verse.

    45:19-45:20

    Listen, this is what the verse says.

    45:21-45:22

    Be kind one to another.

    45:23-45:26

    And then the sixth one there is what I'll call pointed correction.

    45:27-45:40

    And that, I believe, according to the scriptures, and we see five times in the book of Proverbs where he says, "Don't spare the rod." And I believe the rod there is a stick.

    45:40-45:48

    And I know this can be debated, And I know out here, some say, "No, I never spank my kids." I believe scripture, the Covenant of Proverbs, we see that.

    45:48-45:53

    Now, I believe when you approve with the rod, it should be done firmly and quickly and accurately.

    45:54-45:58

    This isn't where, you know, some kid does something, you start swatting him 17,000 times.

    45:59-45:59

    I don't believe that.

    46:00-46:04

    If it's done correctly, I believe it can be very beneficial.

    46:05-46:11

    And again, you've already walked through five steps before you got to just getting the rod out starting to spank your child.

    46:12-46:13

    Now here's what my parents used to do.

    46:13-46:20

    They would go through this whole step, and then my dad, he would be on the bed, he would sit on the bed, and he'd use like a dowel rod.

    46:21-46:30

    And so he would, he'd put his hand on the bed, and we would put our hands on his hand, and then we'd put our forehead down on the bed.

    46:30-46:32

    And this got us in a great position to be spanked.

    46:34-46:37

    And God gave a great place right here to be spanked.

    46:37-46:39

    This isn't to beat your kid.

    46:39-46:40

    And this is what my parents are doing.

    46:40-46:44

    What we do with our kid, there's one strike for every offense.

    46:45-46:47

    So I don't sit there and hit my kid 17 times.

    46:48-46:52

    I do it one time and all it is to say, listen, what you did was wrong.

    46:52-46:56

    Now, the velocity changes depending on the offense that took place.

    46:57-46:59

    But it is done in the correct way.

    47:00-47:03

    It is done, I believe, how Proverbs says, listen, don't spare the rod.

    47:03-47:04

    You spare the rod, you hate your child.

    47:05-47:06

    So the book of Proverbs says.

    47:06-47:12

    I do it one time and I pick 'em up and here's the next thing after that is restoration and care.

    47:13-47:16

    You can put those next two right back to back because you know what that is?

    47:16-47:23

    That is picking my child up right after that, putting them in my arms, I give them kisses and I pray for 'em.

    47:24-47:25

    I don't just spank 'em and send 'em out.

    47:26-47:29

    No, I wanna make sure they understand, listen, I love them.

    47:30-47:33

    And I tell 'em that over and over and over again.

    47:34-47:37

    Listen, I love you so very much and I don't want you to act like this.

    47:38-47:39

    I love you and I kiss them.

    47:40-47:44

    You see, there is nothing about physical abuse in that at all.

    47:45-47:49

    That is out of love that I care for them and I'm concerned about their life.

    47:50-48:05

    And so that last point of restoration and care is so important that they know, and they do, they say they know that daddy loves them and I hold them close and then I'll pray with them, Pray God, help them.

    48:05-48:06

    God, I know you love them.

    48:06-48:10

    I usually say this almost every time I pray, God, I know you love them and I love them.

    48:11-48:13

    And so God, help them be obedient.

    48:14-48:16

    And then the last thing is repentance.

    48:16-48:18

    If they hit their brother, tell him to go back and ask forgiveness.

    48:19-48:20

    So we act like this.

    48:20-48:23

    So go back and seek forgiveness.

    48:25-48:27

    And you say, Jeremiah, that's gonna take time.

    48:27-48:31

    Yeah, it does take a little bit of time, but I'll tell you, it's so important.

    48:32-48:36

    And a lot of times the reason why we don't discipline correctly is because we don't have the time.

    48:38-48:42

    But it is so important that we take that time to discipline our children.

    48:43-48:44

    Now what determines the rod?

    48:45-48:47

    Listen, children would do childish things.

    48:47-48:48

    What determines the rod?

    48:48-48:54

    Three things I would say determines the rod is disobedience, if they disobey, that's one SWOT.

    48:54-48:59

    Defiance, if they're rebellious, then that's a SWOT.

    48:59-49:00

    And then also disrespect.

    49:02-49:04

    So disobeying, defiance, and disrespect.

    49:04-49:08

    Those are the things that to me, and disrespect would be to a parent or to another person.

    49:08-49:10

    You hit your sibling, that's disrespect for that person.

    49:11-49:12

    We don't hit, we don't do that.

    49:12-49:17

    Now, if the child is just childish, they act like kids sometimes.

    49:17-49:23

    They're wild, they're crazy, and they're not defiantly disobeying, or they're not defiantly doing this because they're rebellious.

    49:24-49:24

    They're just children.

    49:25-49:28

    Well, then I make them do jumping jacks, or I make them run laps.

    49:28-49:30

    I make them run laps in my house.

    49:31-49:32

    They do a stair lap is what I call it.

    49:33-49:43

    If my kids are just getting a little wild, they're being, you know, hadden, he's a boy, I say, "You guys, you gotta stair lap, go!" And they'll do these stair laps, and they're up and down the stair, we have three flights of stairs, so they'll run up and down.

    49:43-49:45

    Even Eliana, she's four, stair lap, go!

    49:46-49:57

    Okay, and so unless they're disobedient, defiant, or disrespectful, that's the only thing that's gonna cause them to come up, and I'm gonna walk through those steps with them, and I'm gonna pray with them, and I'm gonna use the rod.

    49:58-50:01

    One time, and it's, it really, I don't even really hit them that hard.

    50:01-50:03

    It's more my girls, I can hit them like this.

    50:03-50:06

    And they're like, "Woo!" But you know what?

    50:06-50:07

    It got the point.

    50:08-50:09

    Listen, we don't do this.

    50:10-50:19

    And so next time they're about to do it, they'll go, "Oh, I don't want that." I mean, Eliana, I mean, Selah, my two-year-old, you said, "When do you start?" Well, Selah understands it.

    50:19-50:19

    She understands it right.

    50:19-50:20

    She's two years old.

    50:21-50:23

    And for her, I seriously just gotta go like this.

    50:23-50:28

    And she just, "Bye, Selah!" And, but she's learning.

    50:28-50:36

    And I can look at her and say, "Do you wanna spank it?" "Ugh, she knows, I don't want that." And I believe scripture understands that.

    50:38-50:39

    Discipline, discipling.

    50:40-50:50

    Now listen, parents, Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 is, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, "lead not in your own understanding, "in all your ways acknowledge Him, "and He will direct your paths." Trust in God, He'll direct your paths.

    50:51-50:51

    He will help you do it.

    50:52-50:53

    He will help you do it.

    50:53-50:56

    And here's the last one, we'll close, is persevere to the end.

    50:57-50:59

    Persevere to the end.

    51:00-51:01

    Train up a child in the way you should go.

    51:02-51:05

    I believe there is a perseverance undertone right there.

    51:06-51:08

    So when he's old, it's gonna take time.

    51:08-51:12

    It's not, listen, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon.

    51:14-51:15

    Train up your child.

    51:15-51:16

    Are you gonna be perfect all the time?

    51:16-51:19

    No, and if you aren't, then go back and ask their forgiveness.

    51:20-51:25

    Some of you might need to go back to your kids today and say, "Listen, I have not been discipling "the way I should or disciplining you the way I should." Well, seek forgiveness.

    51:26-51:29

    We praise God that it doesn't have to, It's not just a one day thing.

    51:30-51:31

    This is a marathon that you're in.

    51:32-51:36

    With your grandkids, you say, man, I really haven't been pouring spiritually into the life of my grandkids.

    51:36-51:37

    Well, start doing it.

    51:37-51:39

    You say, Jeremiah, my kids are grown.

    51:39-51:40

    Well, you still should be discipling them.

    51:41-51:42

    Well, say they don't really want it.

    51:43-51:46

    Well, you give them what they want, what they don't, and you just pray and ask God.

    51:47-51:50

    You can always be the example of Christ for them, though.

    51:51-51:55

    And realize, though, it is God who changes hearts.

    51:55-51:56

    It's not you.

    51:57-51:59

    So don't put it on you, it is God.

    52:00-52:03

    You keep your focus on Christ.

    52:04-52:09

    Listen, children are a blessing from the Lord, but they're an incredible responsibility.

    52:11-52:17

    And I hope that you see today, I hope that you understand that God has called us to train up our children.

    52:19-52:19

    Is it tough? Yeah.

    52:20-52:24

    And maybe some of you look back and say, man, I wish I would've heard this about 30 years ago.

    52:26-52:30

    But listen, there are families right in here that you should be praying for.

    52:31-52:39

    There's people in that children's ministry that maybe you can, maybe you can go in there and start to help with the children's clubs and you can help train up children.

    52:40-52:42

    Everybody in here is a teacher.

    52:44-52:46

    So don't get bitter and angry 'cause of what?

    52:46-52:48

    Maybe your kids aren't walking with God right now.

    52:48-52:50

    Listen, I've seen God change so many hearts.

    52:52-52:54

    It's in His hand, their life's in His hand.

    52:54-52:56

    So pray and ask God.

    52:57-53:00

    If you who have younger kids here, listen, you have an incredible responsibility.

    53:01-53:03

    You have an incredible opportunity because your kids are young.

    53:03-53:04

    How are you going to train them?

    53:05-53:08

    You say, "My kids are already teenagers." Well, don't just throw in the towel.

    53:08-53:10

    Jump back into the game.

    53:10-53:12

    You still got them for a couple more years.

    53:12-53:13

    Jump back into the game.

    53:14-53:16

    You have grandkids coming along the way.

    53:16-53:16

    Jump in.

    53:18-53:24

    You say, "God, I want to." Now listen, every person here is going to parent a little bit different, and that's fine.

    53:25-53:26

    They're the truths of God's Word.

    53:27-53:31

    You don't have to go through those steps on discipline like my dad did and how I do.

    53:31-53:34

    That's not right there in the scriptures. I think there's truths up there.

    53:35-53:39

    But Pastor Jeff, he's going to do his kids different than I'm going to do my kids.

    53:40-53:41

    And that's fine.

    53:42-53:47

    And he has the freedom to do how he's going to train his kids, but he's still going to train his kids.

    53:48-53:51

    He's still going to discipline and disciple his kids differently.

    53:51-53:52

    Disciple and discipline his kids.

    53:52-53:54

    He has to do that and I have to do mine.

    53:55-53:56

    And you have to do yours.

    53:58-54:03

    And so I pray that today that you will say, God, no matter where I'm at, God help me.

    54:04-54:07

    Don't walk away saying, oh man, I'm such a loser as a parent.

    54:07-54:07

    No.

    54:09-54:12

    Walk away saying, God, okay, what stage am I at right now?

    54:13-54:22

    Let me apply some of these truths to wherever I'm at, whoever it may be, and watch the joy flow through your life.

    54:24-54:25

    Why don't you bow your head and close your eyes with me?

Small Group Questions ­(Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 22:6

  1. Parents: How has actually having kids changed your previously held ideas about parenting and discipline? How has the Bible changed your ideas about parenting / discipline?
     

  2. What have you learned about parenting from your parents (positive OR negative lessons)? How do you see these ideas in light of God’s Word?
     

  3. How do you and your spouse share the responsibilities for discipline? If you disagree in any particular belief(s) of discipline, how do you resolve it?

Breakout Questions:

  1. What is the greatest struggle you face as a parent? What does the Bible say on that subject? (Be open for advice / encouragement.)
     

  2. Pray for one another.

I Need to Step Up as a Parent

Why I Need To Step Up (Proverbs 22:6)

  1. Because I love my Child (Proverbs 13:24)

  2. Because I love my Neighbor (Proverbs 17:12)

  3. Because I love my Home (Proverbs 29:17)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
Sermon Audio: (no recording)

Small Group Questions ­(Whole Group):
Review Proverbs 22:6

  1. Parents: How has actually having kids changed your previously held ideas about parenting and discipline? How has the Bible changed your ideas about parenting / discipline?
     
  2. What have you learned about parenting from your parents (positive OR negative lessons)? How do you see these ideas in light of God’s Word?
     
  3. How do you and your spouse share the responsibilities for discipline? If you disagree in any particular belief(s) of discipline, how do you resolve it?

Breakout Questions:

  1. What is the greatest struggle you face as a parent? What does the Bible say on that subject? (Be open for advice / encouragement.)
     
  2. Pray for one another.

Drink Up!

How to Affair Proof Your Marriage

  1. Flee the Fire (Proverbs 6:27-29)
  2. The Fire of Passion:

    1. ALLURES (Prv 5:3)

    2. SSPREADS (Prv 5:8)

    3. BURNS (Prv 5:11, 14)

  3. Drink the WATER (Prv 5:15-19)

    1. Enjoy it Exclusively (Prv 5:15-17)

    2. Enjoy it TOTALLY (Prv 5:18-19a)

    3. Enjoy it Liberally (Prv 5:19b-20)

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!
Sermon Audio: (no recording)

Small Group Questions ­(Whole Group):
Read Proverbs 5:15-19

  1. Why do you think the rate of spouses having affairs is so high?

  2. How is monogamy more fulfilling than ”playing the field”?

Breakout Questions:

  1. What have you been doing to affair ­proof your marriage?
     
  2. How do you make your spouse feel like he/she is still your #1?

1 Corinthians 7:25 - ­ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another... (goes on to describe taking a timeout for prayer)