Unstoppable and World-Changing!

Review / Intro:


The Four Crucial Elements of the World-Changing Message:


  1. Jesus Christ had to die for my Sins. (Acts 17:3)

    Romans 5:19 - For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous.

Four Reasons Jesus Had to DIE for My Sin:

  1. To be my Sacrifice. (John 1:29)

  2. To be my Propitiation. (1 John 4:10)

  3. To bring Reconciliation. (Romans 5:10)

  4. To pay for my Redemption. (Mark 10:45)

  1. Jesus Christ had to rise from the dead to give me Life. (Acts 17:3)

    Four Reasons Jesus Had to RISE from the Dead:

    1. Because He Said He would. (Luke 18:32-33)

    2. Because the Old Testament Promised the Christ would rise. (Psalm 16:10)

    3. Because that's how He gives His Righteousness. (Romans 4:25)

    4. Because that's how He gives His Eternal life. (1 Corinthians 15:17-18)


  2. Jesus Christ has to be my King. (Acts 17:7)

    Luke 6:46 - Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?



  3. There is a Cost to following Jesus. (Acts 17:6-9)

    Matthew 16:24 - Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

    John 13:16, 15:20a servant is not greater than His master

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:13

    Alright, Acts chapter 17, again we're going to be back in Acts for the next three weeks, but just as a quick review, we started our mission trip back in October in Acts chapters 13 and 14.

    00:16-00:23

    And remember we talked about the Jerusalem council, where they were talking about does somebody have to be circumcised in order to be saved?

    00:24-00:27

    What purpose does the law have in salvation?

    00:28-00:30

    and it was back to mission work.

    00:31-00:36

    We saw Paul and Barnabas have a falling out over taking Mark with them on the mission trip.

    00:37-00:48

    But Barnabas takes Mark with him to Cyprus, and Paul takes Silas to Syria and Cilicia, where they picked up Timothy and got a vision to go to Macedonia.

    00:50-00:59

    Then in Philippi, the crew witnesses to a group of women, and one woman in particular named Lydia She receives Christ and invites the missionaries to stay with her.

    01:01-01:09

    After driving out an evil spirit out of a fortune-telling slave girl, Paul and Silas are beaten and imprisoned.

    01:10-01:12

    God sends an earthquake to release them.

    01:14-01:17

    The jailer attempts suicide, but is stopped by Paul.

    01:19-01:20

    It has led to Christ.

    01:21-01:28

    Paul and Silas are asked to leave and they did, after they got the magistrates to apologize.

    01:29-01:32

    That's sort of an overview of where we've been in Acts so far this year.

    01:33-01:51

    Now in Acts 17, it says, "Now when they had passed through Amphipolis and Apollonia," that's easy for you to say, "they came to Thessalonica, where there was a synagogue of the Jews.

    01:53-02:28

    Paul went in, as was his custom, and on three Sabbath days, he reasoned with them from the Scriptures, explaining and proving that it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead, and saying, "This Jesus whom I proclaim to you is the Christ." And some of them were persuaded of the devout Greeks, not a few of the leading women.

    02:30-02:31

    But the Jews were jealous.

    02:34-02:45

    Taking some wicked men of the rabble, they formed a mob, set the city in an uproar, and attacked the house of Jason, seeking to bring them out to the crowd.

    02:46-03:09

    When they could not find them, they dragged Jason and some of the brothers before the city authorities shouting, "These men who have turned the world upside down have come here also, and Jason has received them." And they're all acting against the decrees of Caesar, saying that there is another king, Jesus.

    03:12-03:20

    And the people in the city authorities were disturbed when they heard these things, when they had taken money and security from Jason and the rest.

    03:21-03:22

    They let them go.

    03:24-03:33

    Their mission trip continues. Paul and company traveled southwest to Ampipholus, which was 30 miles.

    03:35-03:39

    And to Apolonia. Is that how you say it?

    03:42-03:43

    Apolonia?

    03:44-03:45

    Tomato, tomato.

    03:47-03:48

    Apollonia.

    03:49-03:49

    I kind of like that better.

    03:50-03:50

    You're right.

    03:51-03:53

    I know this one, Thessalonica.

    03:55-03:59

    So 30 miles to Ampipolis.

    04:01-04:02

    Apollonia, another 30 miles.

    04:02-04:04

    Thessalonica was another 40 miles.

    04:04-04:09

    This is a 100-mile total journey.

    04:10-04:15

    Notice here also it says "they." Did you see that? Third person.

    04:15-04:26

    You've got to pay attention to this in Acts because when Luke's with the group, he says "we," and when he's not with the group, he says "they," so apparently, Luke must have stayed in Philippi.

    04:27-04:30

    He's still writing about what's happening with the missionaries.

    04:31-04:36

    It says they headed to Thessalonica, which was the capital of Macedonia.

    04:36-04:37

    It was a port city.

    04:37-04:39

    It had about 200,000 people.

    04:42-04:45

    The Bible says they went straight to the synagogue.

    04:46-04:53

    Verse 2 says, "On three Sabbath days." That means three weeks.

    04:54-05:02

    You know, sometimes we can read through the Bible like we can go through Acts, and we can think that this stuff was just happening rapid fire, and we can kind of gloss over some of this stuff.

    05:02-05:11

    But it wasn't like Paul just rolled into town and all of this happened in the course of a couple of minutes it took us to read the passage.

    05:12-05:14

    happening over the course of weeks.

    05:16-05:26

    Before we look at the actual message itself today, I want you to take note of how Paul shared the message.

    05:26-05:29

    Look at these words in verse 2 and 3, jot them down.

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    How did he share the message?

    05:32-05:33

    First of all, it says he reasoned.

    05:34-05:35

    Did you see that in verse 2?

    05:35-05:36

    He reasoned with them.

    05:39-05:41

    That means he had a dialogue.

    05:41-05:48

    He didn't go in and say, "Ok, open up your Bibles, I'm going to preach at you for an hour." He had a dialogue with them.

    05:50-05:51

    He reasoned.

    05:51-05:52

    He explained.

    05:53-05:58

    The Greek word for "explain" literally means to open that which is closed.

    05:59-06:04

    And in this context, it means He opened their minds with a reasoned explanation.

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    Explain.

    06:10-06:12

    See, the Gospel is reasonable when you think about it.

    06:13-06:17

    And I know it has to be spiritually appraised and the Holy Spirit has to open your heart.

    06:17-06:19

    I know that, I get that, we preach that.

    06:19-06:23

    But there is a sense in which the Gospel is reasonable, isn't it?

    06:25-06:30

    Because every one of us have some things in common that we have to face the reality - things like sin.

    06:32-06:35

    Every one of us know deep down that we're sinners by nature.

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    You know that.

    06:38-06:46

    As much as you want to mask it, or deny it, or put on a face, you know deep down that there is something messed up inside you.

    06:48-06:54

    Another thing that we have to stare in the face is just the aspect of death.

    06:54-06:55

    We're all going to die.

    06:58-07:01

    Ecclesiastes says that the Lord has set eternity on the heart of man.

    07:01-07:10

    We all know that we were made for something more What about death?

    07:10-07:11

    What's on the other side?

    07:12-07:14

    And how do we know what happens when we die?

    07:17-07:19

    See, only the Gospel has the answers to those things.

    07:22-07:31

    So when it says that all open their mind with reason, explanation, that's some of the persuasion that he would have been using.

    07:32-07:37

    proving, proving, the reason explaining, proving.

    07:40-07:47

    Some people think that if you're a religious person, if you believe in the Bible, then you're intellectually inferior.

    07:47-07:48

    You're stupid.

    07:51-07:54

    The Bible has satisfied some of the greatest minds in history.

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    The Bible certainly doesn't encourage you to check your intellect at the door.

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    Don't think about it.

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    It's just blind faith in nothing.

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    Proving. It engages your mind.

    08:09-08:15

    And lastly, you see, it says, "This Jesus whom I proclaim..." Proclaim.

    08:17-08:18

    Harvest Bible chapter - we have four pillars.

    08:18-08:20

    And our first pillar is what?

    08:21-08:24

    Proclaiming the authority of God's Word without apology.

    08:25-08:27

    Proclaim. Not sugarcoating it.

    08:28-08:29

    Not apologizing for it.

    08:30-08:31

    without softening the blow.

    08:34-08:37

    See, Paul didn't walk in and suggest that Jesus might be the Christ.

    08:39-08:44

    Suggested it might possibly be a good idea for you to maybe rethink some things that you thought about Jesus.

    08:44-08:47

    He just went right in there and he's like, Jesus is the Christ!

    08:48-08:51

    And I'm going to prove it to you from God's book.

    08:52-08:53

    Like, boom!

    08:53-08:54

    In your face.

    08:57-08:57

    Proclaiming.

    08:59-09:06

    I think it's sad that God has said some things very clearly and preachers get up and want to dance around it.

    09:07-09:09

    God's not apologizing for what He said.

    09:09-09:10

    Why should we?

    09:10-09:12

    Our job is just to echo.

    09:12-09:14

    We don't make up the message, we just broadcast it, right?

    09:17-09:18

    Proclaim it.

    09:20-09:20

    Proclaim it.

    09:20-09:26

    So not only do you have to have the bold persistence that we see that Paul had, You have to have the right message.

    09:28-09:30

    You have to have the right message.

    09:32-09:39

    That's why today we're going to look at four crucial elements of the world-changing message.

    09:41-09:43

    Four crucial elements of the world-changing message.

    09:43-09:51

    These are four elements of the Gospel that if you leave any of these out, you're going to have a lopsided message.

    09:54-10:19

    years ago at an elders meeting we were talking about some preachers who most of their message is good, but there's maybe a little untruth gets sprinkled into their messages. I'll never forget this, one of the elders, a farmer, very quietly said, "Well, you know, rat poison is like 95% cornmeal.

    10:21-10:23

    It's not the cornmeal that kills the rats, right?

    10:24-10:25

    It's that 5%.

    10:26-10:27

    It's not the cornmeal.

    10:27-10:30

    It's the 5% that's poison, that's destructive.

    10:33-10:38

    That's why when we preach the Gospel, we don't want to leave anything out.

    10:38-10:41

    That's why when we preach, we go through the Bible.

    10:42-10:46

    This is what God says, we exposit the passage.

    10:49-10:50

    Or think about it this way.

    10:51-10:52

    Think of your car.

    10:52-10:54

    How many wheels do you need on your car?

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    I go, I don't really know this, Pastor Jeff.

    10:57-10:58

    I'm not exactly a mechanic.

    10:59-11:00

    How many wheels do you need on your car?

    11:02-11:03

    You need four, right?

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    You need four.

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    And I want you to think of each of these points as a wheel.

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    that if you're missing one, your car's not going to go very well.

    11:16-11:18

    Okay, so four crucial elements of the world-changing message.

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    Number one, Jesus Christ had to die for my sins.

    11:23-11:25

    Jesus Christ had to die for my sins.

    11:25-11:26

    Look again at verse three.

    11:29-11:33

    It says that Paul was explaining and proving that it was necessary.

    11:35-12:04

    It was necessary for the Christ suffer. Necessary. Not just, "Oh, this is what happened." Paul said, "This is what had to happen." You see, something that's lost on us today is the Jews thought of the Messiah as being this political king.

    12:04-12:07

    They thought the Messiah was going to come and restore Israel.

    12:08-12:15

    and thought the Messiah was going to come in and defeat the enemies and usher in this earthly kingdom.

    12:15-12:19

    The Jews were looking purely at this political Savior.

    12:19-12:22

    I think in our day we can kind of identify with that, right?

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    People looking to Washington for salvation.

    12:26-12:35

    If only Clinton gets in, or if only Trump gets in, or if only Obama could stay in, and people are just looking for this politician to be the Savior.

    12:36-12:42

    So, that mindset was what was held by many Jews in this day concerning the Christ.

    12:43-12:55

    Christ is going to come and He's going to be our King, and He's going to restore Israel, and He's going to make us happy and healthy, and everything's going to be great.

    12:56-13:02

    So this idea that the Messiah was going to come, and He was going to suffer, and He was going to die, they had none of it.

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    In fact, the Bible tells you even the apostles struggled with this.

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    Matthew 16.

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    Remember Jesus told His apostles, "I'm going to suffer and die." Peter pulls Him aside.

    13:17-13:21

    He's like, "Don't talk like that!" The Bible says that Peter rebuked Jesus.

    13:21-13:22

    "Don't talk like that!

    13:22-13:24

    We don't want to hear any of that kind of talk.

    13:25-13:26

    You suffer and die.

    13:26-13:27

    We're not going to let that happen.

    13:27-13:33

    It's not going to happen to you." And Peter got called Satan to that.

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    It's not a good day.

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    So, Jesus Christ had to die for my sins.

    13:40-13:42

    This idea that the Messiah is going to suffer.

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    You know, even people today still struggle with that.

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    I was sharing the Gospel with this one lady several years ago, and she got very sad.

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    She said, "You know, the worst thing that's ever happened in history is they got Jesus." I'm like, "What are you talking about?" She said, "Well, Jesus was here, and He was healing, and He was teaching, He's doing so much good.

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    And then they killed Him and they cut Him off and nothing's ever been the same since they got Jesus.

    14:10-14:12

    What a horrible thing that they got Jesus.

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    And I said, "What are you talking about?" And I said, "The very reason that Jesus came was to suffer and die for your sins." And she looked at me like she'd never heard that before.

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    It's a hard pill to swallow for some people.

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    You see, there are people that are saying, "Well, the Messiah's not going to suffer." Paul comes in with this message.

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    He says, look, the Messiah had to suffer.

    14:36-14:40

    Because man - Adam - brought sin into the world.

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    So payment must be made by a man.

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    Who the Bible calls the second Adam.

    14:51-14:52

    Jesus Christ.

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    Romans 5.19 says, "For as by one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, by one man's obedience, the many will be made righteous.

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    The man brought sin into the world, it had to be a man to make payment for sin.

    15:13-15:14

    So jot these down on your outline.

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    Four reasons Jesus had to die for our sin.

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    He had to die.

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    Not just appear, not just suffer, but to go all the way and die.

    15:25-15:28

    Four reasons Jesus had to die for our sin.

    15:29-15:29

    and he wrote this down.

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    These are so important.

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    First one, letter A, "to be our sacrifice." To be our sacrifice.

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    All through the Old Testament, especially the law, you see the Old Testament sacrifices were a picture of our need for payment.

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    You see, God says you can offer the blood of an animal to be atonement for your sin.

    15:56-16:01

    But the problem with that The Old Testament was those animals atoned for sin.

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    They didn't take sin away.

    16:04-16:05

    There's a huge difference.

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    You're like, what's the difference?

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    Well, it's like this.

    16:11-16:13

    The Old Testament sacrifices were like a credit card.

    16:15-16:21

    You know, when you use a credit card, you know you're not really paying for it.

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    Because you're going to get a bill that says you still owe the money.

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    When you use the credit card, it's not like payment has been made.

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    It just hunts the payment a little further down the line, but it doesn't make payment.

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    You see, this is what the Old Testament sacrifices were like.

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    This will cover your sin for now.

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    This will cover your sin for now.

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    Every swipe, every sacrifice.

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    will cover your sin for now.

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    But the bill's still going to come.

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    Right? That invoice is still going to come.

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    And you're still going to owe.

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    That's what the Old Testament sacrifices were like.

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    And Jesus - Jesus was this.

    17:14-17:20

    Jesus was actual cash payment to say I'm not just covering your sin.

    17:22-17:24

    I'm going to take it away.

    17:25-17:26

    Huge difference.

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    Huge difference.

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    You're still not sure if there's a difference between covering sin and taking it away.

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    Imagine if a possum crawled up on our front porch and died.

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    And Aaron said, "I need you to do something about the possum." I take a tea towel and I go out and I cover the possum up.

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    She's like, "What are you doing?" I'm like, "Well, I solved it.

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    I covered it." Is that what she wanted?

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    Take it away.

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    There's a difference between covering and taking away.

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    And you see, this is the glorious thing about Jesus Christ.

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    He didn't just cover your sin.

    18:14-18:27

    John 1.29, the next day he saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world." Jesus doesn't just cover your sin.

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    He takes it away.

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    Did you notice what Jesus was called in John 1.29?

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    The Lamb of God.

    18:36-18:40

    Picturing that Old Testament sacrifice, Jesus being the fulfillment of that.

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    The Lamb of God.

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    had to die for our sin to be our sacrifice.

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    Let her be to be our propitiation.

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    Propitiation.

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    That's a fancy word.

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    What does that word mean?

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    It means wrath bearer.

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    And the reason I use that word is because it's in the Bible in a couple of places.

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    Romans chapter 3 verse 25 I believe.

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    1 John 4:10, "And this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." This might be a new concept to some of you, but it's so very important because I talk to so many guys that feel like God is still mad at them for their sin.

    19:38-19:51

    I've talked to so many guys, I've sat across the table, and they're like, "Well, I know, Pastor Jeff, I know I'm forgiven in Jesus, but sometimes I just feel like I've done so many wrong things that God must still be mad at me." He is not!

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    You see, when the Bible says Jesus is our propitiation, it means He bore the wrath of God on Himself, and God is satisfied.

    20:01-20:30

    God is not some angry old man in the sky that's like, "I punish Jesus for your sin, "Darn it, I'm still mad, and I'm going to take it out on you too." You see, propitiation says, God says, "Because my Son was willing to bear my wrath, and I poured my wrath on Him, now I'm satisfied." There's no more wrath to be poured on the person who receives Jesus Christ.

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    Now if you don't know Christ, you're going to taste every drop of God's wrath someday.

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    And I can't say that without a tear and without shaking.

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    But someday the dam is going to break.

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    You're going to experience every drop.

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    But when you turn to Jesus Christ, and you allow Him to be your propitiation, there is no wrath of God for you.

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    Because Jesus took it all on Himself.

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    reasons Jesus had to die.

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    C. To bring reconciliation.

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    To bring reconciliation.

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    By nature, God is our enemy.

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    And if you're here today and you don't know Christ, God is against you.

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    God is, as we just said, poised to pour out His wrath on you.

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    But here's the good news.

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    which Christ's death totally healed the relationship.

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    Look at Romans 5.10.

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    "For while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son.

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    Much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His light." We're reconciled.

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    We're enemies of family of Jesus Christ and he had to die to make that happen.

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    Did you see that?

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    We were reconciled to God by the death of his son.

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    Letter D to pay for our redemption.

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    Pay for our redemption.

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    Jesus Christ literally bought us back from slavery to sin.

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    The cost was his own life.

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    Jesus said, "For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." Salvation is free for you, but salvation wasn't free.

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    It cost Jesus Christ everything.

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    He willingly paid it to buy you back.

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    Those are four reasons Jesus had to die.

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    Number two in your outline, Jesus Christ had to rise from the dead to give you life.

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    This is our second wheel.

    23:01-23:02

    We've got to get these down.

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    Not only was it necessary that Jesus died, it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead.

    23:15-23:16

    This is often left out.

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    This is crucial to the message is Jesus dying.

    23:19-23:21

    A lot of people, we ask them what the Gospel is.

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    They say the Gospel is Jesus died for my sins.

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    That's half the Gospel.

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    And you have to see, as we've gone through the book of Acts, the resurrection of Jesus Christ was central to every single sermon that we've seen in Acts.

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    Did you notice that?

    23:37-23:42

    Jot these down, you can go, look, Acts 2.32, Acts 3.15, Acts 4.10, Acts 5.30.

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    Every time the Gospel is proclaimed, it gets right down to Jesus rose from the dead.

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    This Jesus, God rose up.

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    The grave couldn't hold Him.

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    God resurrected Jesus Christ.

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    Jesus Christ had to rise from the dead to give me life.

    24:01-24:03

    Four reasons Jesus had to rise from the dead.

    24:05-24:06

    Four reasons He had to.

    24:07-24:09

    Four reasons that it wasn't enough that He died.

    24:09-24:11

    He had to rise from the dead as well.

    24:12-24:13

    Four reasons why.

    24:13-24:16

    Letter A, because He said He would.

    24:18-24:42

    Over and over and over and over and over in Jesus' ministry, He said things like in Luke 18, talking about Himself, "He will be delivered over to the Gentiles, be mocked and shamefully treated, and spit upon, and after flogging Him, they will kill Him, and on the third day He will rise." Jesus said this over and over and over.

    24:42-24:47

    "I'm going to rise from the dead." He had to.

    24:49-24:50

    He would have been a liar otherwise.

    24:52-24:57

    He said that was so key to his ministry was to suffer and die, to rise from the dead.

    24:58-25:01

    Let it be because the Old Testament promised that Christ would rise.

    25:03-25:15

    Psalm 16.10 says, "You will not abandon my soul to shield or let your Holy One see corruption." The Old Testament promised that not only would the Messiah suffer, but the Messiah would rise from the dead.

    25:18-25:20

    because that's how He gave us His righteousness.

    25:22-25:43

    Romans 4.25 says, "Who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification." You see, if Jesus just died for your sin and removed the sin penalty, we'd be like Adam and Eve in the garden before they fell into sin.

    25:44-25:47

    But, Jesus did so much more than that.

    25:48-25:56

    The Bible says that because Jesus resurrected, He gave you His righteousness.

    25:58-26:07

    2 Corinthians 5:21 says that God took Jesus who knew no sin to become sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God.

    26:08-26:10

    This to me is the most mind-blowing thing of the Gospel.

    26:10-26:24

    You look at all these elements of the Gospel, this to me is the most mind-blowing aspect of all of it, is when you receive Jesus Christ, He gives you His righteousness.

    26:24-26:26

    He puts it on your accounts.

    26:27-26:33

    And God sees you as righteous as Himself.

    26:34-26:35

    Now think about it.

    26:36-26:39

    He doesn't see you as righteous as your dear sweet grandmama.

    26:40-26:42

    What a saintly woman she is.

    26:42-26:54

    He sees you not as righteous He sees you as righteous as Himself because He puts that on your account.

    26:56-26:59

    Letter D, because that's how He gives us eternal life.

    27:01-27:10

    1 Corinthians 15 says so much about the implications of Jesus resurrecting from the dead, and if He hadn't, how worthless our faith would be.

    27:12-27:23

    In particular, He says, "And if Christ has not been crucified, Christ didn't raise from the dead, guess what?

    27:23-27:26

    This is as good as it gets and you're wasting your time here today.

    27:27-27:28

    You're just wasting your time.

    27:29-27:32

    And that dear sweet grandmama of yours that died, who knows where she is?

    27:33-27:34

    She's worm food.

    27:36-27:37

    Because there's no hope of eternal life.

    27:40-27:41

    She didn't have it. You don't have it.

    27:42-27:43

    Life is meaningless.

    27:44-27:44

    You don't have it.

    27:44-27:44

    You don't have it.

    27:45-27:47

    if Jesus didn't raise from the dead.

    27:49-27:53

    But because He did, we have the hope of eternal life.

    27:54-28:03

    Whether our life ends today, or tomorrow, or ten years, we have the hope of being in the world.

    28:05-28:07

    Those are the first two wheels.

    28:07-28:10

    Number three - we'll get through these last two quickly.

    28:11-28:12

    Jesus Christ has to be my King.

    28:15-28:17

    Jesus Christ has to be my King.

    28:18-28:19

    I want you to get back to the text here.

    28:22-28:28

    Because you see this person was introduced, and the Bible doesn't really say much about him.

    28:28-28:29

    We don't really know much about him.

    28:31-28:40

    Some people believed, verse 5 says, "But the Jews were jealous, and taking some wicked men of the rabble..." Who's that?

    28:41-28:45

    Well, those would have been like guys who didn't have jobs.

    28:47-28:49

    They just hung out in the marketplace all day.

    28:51-28:52

    Do we have a name for people like that today?

    28:54-28:55

    And you don't-- don't shout anything out.

    28:56-28:59

    I'm afraid of what some of you might say, honestly.

    29:00-29:01

    But you get the idea.

    29:01-29:02

    They didn't have anything better to do.

    29:02-29:03

    They didn't have jobs.

    29:03-29:04

    They weren't productive.

    29:05-29:06

    They just kind of hung out.

    29:07-29:08

    They were lazy.

    29:08-29:12

    I think the best term we could use is ne'er-do-wells.

    29:13-29:14

    Do you remember that word?

    29:15-29:15

    Ne'er-do-wells?

    29:15-29:17

    I think that's-- no?

    29:18-29:18

    No?

    29:19-29:19

    One?

    29:19-29:20

    OK.

    29:22-29:22

    Wow.

    29:23-29:24

    She's showing my age.

    29:26-29:28

    That term was old when Charles Dickens used it.

    29:30-29:33

    OK, it's going to sound politically incorrect, but they were worthless people.

    29:34-29:40

    they contributed nothing, and they just hung out in the market.

    29:42-29:47

    And you see the Jews saw them as primed toward, like, hey, you guys want to start a riot?

    29:47-29:50

    And these guys were like, yeah, let's start a riot.

    29:50-29:51

    Yeah.

    29:52-29:54

    Yeah, let's get a mob going.

    29:54-29:56

    Let's attack these people.

    29:56-29:57

    Yeah, yeah.

    29:57-29:59

    And it was like this big-- like, what?

    30:01-30:06

    And it says that they attacked the house of Jason.

    30:06-30:07

    Again, we don't know anything about them.

    30:09-30:10

    They formed this mob.

    30:11-30:13

    They got the city in an uproar.

    30:13-30:17

    And they brought them out to the crowd.

    30:17-30:26

    It says, verse 6, when they could not find them, meaning the missionaries, they dragged Jason and some of the brothers, some of the Christians, before the city authorities.

    30:28-30:29

    And you see the charges.

    30:32-30:43

    "These men who have turned the world upside down have come here also, and Jason has received them, and they are all acting against the decrees of Caesar." Saying that there is another king, Jesus.

    30:43-30:44

    See the charges?

    30:45-30:56

    First of all, the first charge was, "These missionary troublemakers came into town, and Jason received them." Isn't it ironic? Who was causing the problems here?

    30:58-31:00

    Was Paul the one causing problems?

    31:01-31:03

    Was it Silas? Were they the ones causing problems?

    31:05-31:06

    They were just sharing the gospel.

    31:07-31:09

    These people were causing the very problems.

    31:09-31:11

    They were accusing the missionaries.

    31:13-31:14

    Did you see the other charge?

    31:14-31:15

    This is the big one, folks.

    31:16-31:19

    Saying that there is another king, Jesus.

    31:21-31:24

    Okay, now it's a very serious charge, At least it wasn't a false charge.

    31:26-31:29

    They actually killed Jesus for that charge, according to John 19.12.

    31:31-31:36

    See, the Roman Empire took that very seriously for somebody to say that they're a king.

    31:39-31:44

    So here's Jesus who people are proclaiming as the King of Kings.

    31:46-31:50

    So we see one part of the message was received clear.

    31:50-31:52

    there is another King.

    31:55-32:00

    People want their ticket to heaven, but they don't want Jesus to be their King.

    32:00-32:06

    And the idea that Jesus can be your Savior but not your Lord is completely foreign to the Gospel.

    32:08-32:11

    Your faith hasn't changed you.

    32:13-32:14

    Your faith hasn't saved you.

    32:16-32:21

    Because nowhere, nowhere in God's Word He offers forgiveness without repentance.

    32:22-32:29

    And the idea of the kingship of Jesus Christ is at the heart of repentance.

    32:30-32:39

    Just picture, on your hearts sits this throne, and by nature, we think that we have the rightful place on that throne.

    32:41-32:41

    I sit on the throne.

    32:42-32:43

    Nobody tells me what to do.

    32:43-32:45

    I call my own shots.

    32:45-32:46

    I'm the boss.

    32:47-32:49

    And repentance means you get off that throne.

    32:51-32:56

    And you allow Jesus Christ, His rightful place on that throne.

    32:56-32:57

    That's repentance.

    33:00-33:02

    How much of your life is dictated by this worldview?

    33:04-33:06

    Where you say, "I'm not my own.

    33:06-33:08

    I was bought with a price.

    33:08-33:10

    Jesus Christ is my Lord.

    33:10-33:14

    There are things that I do just because of that fact.

    33:14-33:17

    There are things that I won't do He says Jesus Christ is my King.

    33:18-33:28

    Jesus said in Luke 6:46, "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and not do what I tell you?" Jesus Christ is Savior and Lord.

    33:29-33:31

    You see, that's not multiple choice.

    33:32-33:33

    That's a package deal.

    33:35-33:38

    You have to receive Him for how He presents Himself.

    33:40-33:45

    Like, yeah, I want the ticket to heaven thing, but I don't want you Lord over my life thing.

    33:46-33:46

    Not an option.

    33:49-33:49

    Not an option.

    33:51-33:53

    Jesus Christ has to be your King.

    33:55-33:57

    Do you know Him as your King?

    33:58-34:04

    And finally, there is a cost to following Jesus.

    34:06-34:07

    There is a cost to following Jesus.

    34:07-34:09

    Look back in the text again with me quickly.

    34:11-34:15

    It says, "And the people and the city authorities were disturbed when they heard these things.

    34:16-34:20

    When they had taken money as security from Jason and the rest, they let them go.

    34:23-34:25

    Again, Jason and some of the brothers were dragged out.

    34:25-34:25

    It's crazy.

    34:26-34:27

    The charge against them.

    34:28-34:30

    Like, Jason really didn't do anything here.

    34:31-34:34

    Do you see the charge against them was they might know some of the brothers?

    34:35-34:38

    We think that the missionaries are staying with them.

    34:41-34:43

    company weren't even with them at the time.

    34:44-34:47

    The Bible says they took money as security.

    34:48-34:49

    That was sort of like a bail bond.

    34:50-34:55

    They took money from them and that money was going to be forfeited if there was more trouble.

    34:58-35:00

    What I want to point out to you church is this.

    35:01-35:07

    Jason, we know nothing about him other than what's in this passage.

    35:08-35:12

    But what we do know about Him is plenty for us to apply today, and that's this.

    35:14-35:16

    You don't have to be a missionary.

    35:17-35:26

    You don't have to be a preacher to suffer loss for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    35:28-35:37

    See, when we think of persecution, we read about these guys that are over in Turkey, or over in Saudi Arabia, or over in Afghanistan.

    35:37-35:47

    We read about these preachers stateside, some of them I know, who have lost, experienced great cost for preaching the Gospel.

    35:47-35:51

    When we think persecution, we think, well, that's the preachers and the missionaries.

    35:51-35:52

    They've got to deal with that stuff.

    35:53-35:54

    I'm just Joe Pucitor.

    35:55-35:56

    And Jason reminds us, guess what?

    35:57-35:58

    You're guilty by association.

    35:59-36:09

    You mean to tell me if the government cracked down on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and they came in while we were having They think they'd let you go?

    36:12-36:14

    I didn't even sing that much today.

    36:15-36:16

    I didn't even give a full time.

    36:16-36:18

    I was just passing.

    36:18-36:20

    I thought we were having a dance recital here.

    36:20-36:21

    I didn't know what was going on here.

    36:21-36:23

    You think they're going to let you go?

    36:25-36:27

    Jason did nothing.

    36:29-36:32

    See, if you follow Christ, there's a cost.

    36:34-36:35

    It's going to cost you.

    36:36-36:37

    We leave that out.

    36:38-36:41

    We think we're doing people a favor by leaving that out.

    36:42-36:44

    Like yeah, you follow Jesus, it's going to be great.

    36:45-36:46

    It's going to be great.

    36:46-36:47

    Everybody's going to love you.

    36:49-36:54

    I had that thought for about four seconds when I was called into ministry.

    36:54-36:58

    I'm like, oh, this is great because the gospel changed my life and it's going to change other people's lives.

    36:58-37:03

    And just as I was so happy to receive the gospel, everybody's going to be happy to receive the gospel.

    37:03-37:09

    Yeah, that didn't work out so well because not everybody is so happy to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    37:11-37:13

    It's going to cost. People want to leave that out.

    37:14-37:15

    It's going to cost.

    37:17-37:21

    There's only one demographic that it's socially acceptable to insult and revile.

    37:22-37:24

    And that's Christ followers.

    37:24-37:32

    And if you've been with us as we've been going through the book of Acts, did we have any message from Acts that didn't involve persecution in some way, shape, or form?

    37:32-37:38

    It seems like every passage was some form of persecution.

    37:40-37:43

    Jesus never promised that following Him would be easy.

    37:43-37:44

    The opposite's true.

    37:44-37:47

    He promised that following Him would be hard.

    37:49-37:50

    And this is a whole other sermon.

    37:52-37:55

    I just want to give you a couple of verses to go with this.

    37:56-38:02

    Matthew 16.24, Jesus told His disciples, anyone would come after Me.

    38:04-38:10

    Let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me." Take up his cross.

    38:10-38:11

    That wasn't a metaphor.

    38:12-38:14

    We use that as a metaphor today.

    38:14-38:15

    "Well, you know, I've got asthma.

    38:15-38:19

    That's my cross to bear." Or, "I've got a bad knee.

    38:19-38:21

    That's my cross to bear." That wasn't a metaphor.

    38:22-38:27

    These people would have seen people walking through the town carrying a cross.

    38:27-38:29

    And they knew every time, "Well, that guy's going to die.

    38:30-38:32

    This guy's heading to his death every time.

    38:33-38:37

    So when Jesus said, "If you're going to follow Me, you've got to carry your cross." You know what that meant.

    38:38-38:40

    It means I've got to be ready to die for Jesus.

    38:43-38:55

    Luke 9, verse 62, Jesus said, "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." Jesus said that.

    38:56-38:57

    He didn't make it so easy.

    38:57-39:09

    "Just bow your head, say this prayer, sign this card, come down the aisle." Jesus said if you put your hand to the plow, but you're still distracted, and you're still looking back, and you're still longing for the former things, you're not fit.

    39:10-39:10

    You're not ready.

    39:12-39:13

    Pardon.

    39:15-39:17

    I'll remind you of a phrase Jesus used over and over.

    39:18-39:20

    He said it in John 13, 16.

    39:20-39:22

    He said it in John 15, 20.

    39:22-39:28

    One of Jesus' apparently favorite sayings, because His servant is not greater than His Master.

    39:29-39:31

    They persecuted Me, they're going to persecute you.

    39:33-39:35

    The perfect sinless Son of God was going to come to the earth.

    39:36-39:41

    He was going to be beaten and spit on and crucified because He stands for the things of God.

    39:41-39:46

    What makes you think you're going to get off when you stand for the things of God?

    39:48-39:49

    It's a great paradox, isn't it?

    39:51-39:57

    Following Jesus costs you nothing, but it costs you everything.

    39:59-40:00

    This is the Gospel.

    40:02-40:02

    Four wheels.

    40:04-40:06

    You can't take any of them off.

    40:08-40:09

    No death of Christ.

    40:11-40:12

    No payment for sin.

    40:14-40:15

    No resurrection of Christ.

    40:17-40:17

    No new life.

    40:20-40:21

    No Jesus as King.

    40:23-40:24

    No real repentance.

    40:25-40:27

    No promise of suffering.

    40:28-40:30

    No gospel rooted in reality.

    40:31-40:31

    That's a prayer.

    40:34-40:38

    Father in Heaven, thank You for Your glorious gospel.

    40:40-40:46

    Father, it is not our intention to make it up, to alter it in any way.

    40:50-40:59

    Father, we would never intentionally wish to twist Your Word or Your message for our own purposes.

    41:02-41:13

    But let Your Word ring clear and pure and true and certain in our hearts.

    41:15-41:24

    For those of us who know You today, Father, I pray this message is just a great encouragement for what You've done on our behalf.

    41:24-41:31

    Father, I pray if there's anyone here today who doesn't know You, I pray that they would join the prayer team in the back.

    41:33-41:41

    I pray that today would be the day of salvation, that they realize, Father, that there is an urgency in the Gospel.

    41:42-41:47

    We don't have forever to make up our minds whether we want to get on board with you or not.

    41:50-41:50

    Today's the day.

    41:53-41:59

    Please, Father, let Your Spirit move through this room right now.

    42:02-42:03

    Get us all where we need to be.

    42:05-42:08

    I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Acts 17:1-9

  1. What would you say are the essentials of the Gospel? Do you agree with the four presented in this message? Why or why not? Would you add anything, or remove any of these four?

  2. How do you think Paul kept from being discouraged, since it seems in every city he preached in the synagogue, he faced a serious backlash?

  3. Acts 17:5 says the Jews were jealous. What do you think caused this jealousy?

Breakout Questions:

Pray for one another to be bold witnesses who KNOW the Gospel and SHARE the whole Gospel. 

Parenting on Purpose - Part 4

The Turnaround: The Discipline of Discipline

Review:

  1. A Wrong Attitude about Discipline will Make You Discipline Wrongly

    1. Wrong Attitudes:

      1. Correction alone is Enough. (Ephesians 6:4)

      2. Every perceived Wrong deserves discipline. (Proverbs 18:13)

      3. Discipline always equals Spanking.
  1. Will Make You Discipline Wrongly:

    1. I discipline because of my Emotions. (James 1:20)


    2. I discipline when it's Convenient.


    3. I discipline without ever Praising.


    4. I discipline with Improper methods.

  1. A Biblical Attitude about Discipline will Make You Discipline Biblically

    1. Biblical Attitudes:

      1. Discipline is motivated by Love. (Hebrews 12:5-9)


      2. Discipline is about Correction not Punishment.


      3. Discipline must be God-glorifying. (James 1:5)

    2. Will Make You Discipline Biblically:

      1. I give appropriate Expectations.

        • Clear
        • Reasonable (age appropriate)
        • Definable
        • Enforcable

      2. I follow through as Soon as possible. (Ecclesiastes 8:11)


      3. I discipline with Proper methods. (Prov 13:24, Prov 22:15, Prov 23:13-14)

        • Don't threaten; inform
        • Make sure the offense had been committed; verify
        • Go to a private setting
        • Review
        • Have the child assume the position
        • Only hind quarters
        • Allow them to regain composure
        • Encourage
        • Make them appologize
        • Hug; pray

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:08

    We are going to finish today our series called Parenting on Purpose.

    00:09-00:10

    This is week four.

    00:10-00:12

    This message is called The Turnaround.

    00:14-00:16

    The discipline of discipline.

    00:18-00:28

    You know, when I was a kid, I can't remember how, maybe eight or nine years old, maybe, I remember my parents got me a hermit crab.

    00:29-00:31

    I was so proud of that thing.

    00:32-00:38

    And I had this little bin with the sand and he'd get the, he'd always get two pellets of food and some peanut butter.

    00:38-00:39

    They eat peanut butter.

    00:39-00:40

    Did you know that?

    00:40-00:41

    They love peanut butter.

    00:41-00:45

    And I had this little thing for water and I took such good care of this thing.

    00:46-00:49

    That little pen that it lived in was absolutely meticulous, cleaned out every day.

    00:49-00:52

    You know, every day I would brush and wash the crab.

    00:53-00:57

    And that was the most well-taken-care-of crab ever.

    00:59-01:05

    But I remember, those things are like $3 at the store, right?

    01:06-01:14

    But if you could get in my little eight or nine-year-old mind at the time, that was a huge deal for me.

    01:15-01:19

    And I remember thinking, my parents are trusting me with a life.

    01:21-01:24

    Like, wow, overstatement much, Pastor Jeff?

    01:25-01:50

    Well, yeah, but not so much anymore because you fast forward a few decades now and my heavenly father has entrusted to Aaron and I human lives, which I would suggest to you which are much more important than the life of the crab Yeah.

    01:52-01:58

    So that's why we took time out of our series in the book of Acts to say, let's talk about parenting.

    01:59-02:03

    We have so many wonderful children and wonderful young parents in this church.

    02:04-02:09

    Let's take some time to see what God's Word has to say about parenting on purpose.

    02:12-02:15

    We started by talking about the target.

    02:16-02:17

    Your child's heart.

    02:17-02:18

    Remember that first message?

    02:19-02:20

    ready to be on the game fire.

    02:20-02:20

    Ready!

    02:21-02:35

    The first thing - the very first thing for parenting a purpose, the very first thing and the most important thing that you can do to be an effective parent, to be an effective biblical parent, is you have to have a walk.

    02:36-02:40

    An authentic, born-again walk with Jesus Christ yourself.

    02:40-02:41

    It has to start there.

    02:42-02:47

    If you are spiritually dead, you cannot do what God has called you to do.

    02:48-02:51

    equips you by the power of His Holy Spirit.

    02:52-03:00

    So if you are not born again, if Jesus Christ is not your Lord and Savior, none of these things that we're talking about is really going to apply to you.

    03:00-03:02

    That has to be step number one.

    03:02-03:04

    Have you received Christ?

    03:05-03:08

    Have you trusted Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins?

    03:09-03:12

    Have you believed that He rose from the dead to give you eternal life?

    03:12-03:13

    Have you done that?

    03:15-03:19

    more important even than parenting, is your eternal soul.

    03:20-03:25

    But from that flows everything that God wants to do through you to your children.

    03:27-03:32

    We also saw that first week, another fact you've got to get down to, your kids are sinners, okay?

    03:32-03:36

    I don't care how cute your kids are, I don't care how polite your kids are, your kid is a little sinner.

    03:38-03:42

    She's a beautiful little princess, but she is princess sinner, okay?

    03:42-03:43

    She's a sinner.

    03:44-03:45

    She inherited that from you, by the way.

    03:48-03:51

    Then we talked about how the Bible has to be our authority.

    03:54-03:56

    To target your child's heart, ready, aim, fire.

    03:56-04:00

    Aim, the aim of parenting is to make disciples.

    04:00-04:01

    It's reproducing yourself spiritually.

    04:02-04:05

    And we talked about tearing down idols.

    04:05-04:06

    That's the fire.

    04:06-04:12

    Tearing down idols and exalting Jesus Christ in your child's heart.

    04:14-04:15

    That was week one, the target.

    04:15-04:16

    Week two, we talked about the team.

    04:18-04:23

    The best thing you can do, mom and dad, the best thing you can do for parenting is to have a strong marriage.

    04:24-04:27

    We saw there were some specific instructions from God's word.

    04:27-04:30

    Dads, don't provoke your kids, but bring them up.

    04:31-04:34

    Moms, your home should be ordered and holy.

    04:36-04:38

    Then last week, we talked about the teaching.

    04:39-04:42

    Last week, we focused on the how and what.

    04:44-04:48

    to teach, to intentionally disciple your children.

    04:50-04:52

    You see, that's why we've had the arrow with us.

    04:52-04:54

    It's a reminder of what Psalm 127 says.

    04:55-04:57

    Your child, parents, your child is an arrow.

    05:00-05:02

    And in Bible times, you made your own arrow.

    05:02-05:05

    You didn't go down to Gander Mountain and buy them.

    05:05-05:06

    You made your own.

    05:08-05:13

    And if you didn't cut that thing straight, when you fired it from your bow, Who knows where it was going to go?

    05:13-05:18

    So you had to be real diligent to cut that thing straight so it went exactly where you were aiming.

    05:19-05:20

    And it's the same thing with your children.

    05:22-05:24

    You have a limited amount of time, parents.

    05:24-05:25

    That's why this is so urgent.

    05:25-05:43

    You only have a few years of that child being in your home that you can cut them straight because someday, whether it's off to college, off to work, off to marry, off to the mission field, wherever they end up, you're going to be shooting them from your house and you You want them to go where you're aiming.

    05:44-05:45

    That's you're gonna have to cut them straight.

    05:46-05:48

    It doesn't happen by accident.

    05:48-05:51

    Again, that's why we call this parenting on purpose, right?

    05:52-05:56

    So today let's talk about everybody's favorite subject, the turnaround.

    05:57-05:58

    We're gonna talk about discipline.

    06:00-06:02

    Nobody really likes discipline.

    06:03-06:07

    If you enjoy discipline, there's something wrong with you.

    06:08-06:17

    If you take some sort of personal gratification in dealing out discipline, I don't think any parent really enjoys doing that.

    06:18-06:22

    Like, "Oh, I just hope Junior does something wrong today because I am loaded.

    06:23-06:28

    I am loaded." No, we don't enjoy that.

    06:31-06:32

    But it's a key part of parenting.

    06:33-06:34

    It's absolutely essential.

    06:37-06:43

    Many years ago, I remember Owen was probably three, we were in line at the Dollar General.

    06:43-06:52

    I know I'm a big spender, but we were in line at Dollar General and Owen was, as he did so many times in public, just scream, scream, scream.

    06:52-07:02

    And I remember this lady in line in front of me at the checkout, she looked at me, she goes, "Go ahead, I know what he needs.

    07:02-07:03

    "Go ahead and do it.

    07:04-07:05

    "I won't say anything.

    07:06-07:11

    "You want me to spank him? Really?" Like, she's, "Go ahead. Go ahead.

    07:12-07:16

    You know what needs to happen." So I spanked her.

    07:18-07:18

    I thought about it.

    07:20-07:21

    I seriously thought about it.

    07:21-07:32

    I'm like, "My autistic kid doesn't want to wait in line any more than I do, and he has a hard time expressing that." But my point is, she was an expert in parenting, obviously, just like everybody else I've ever met.

    07:32-07:34

    We're all experts in parenting.

    07:34-07:38

    And as we turn to God's Word today, we've got to learn some things and we have to unlearn some things.

    07:40-07:45

    And I want to remind you that one of our convictions we started with way back in week one is the Bible.

    07:46-07:55

    The word of God is our authority when we talk about everything, but specifically this month, as we talk about parenting, the Bible has to be our source of authority.

    07:56-08:01

    And this is where people are going to deviate because there are going to be people that say, well, I know what the Bible says, but I have a different idea.

    08:01-08:08

    That's called unbelief. Okay. Um, The Bible isn't Ponderosa.

    08:10-08:18

    The Bible isn't the buffet line where we sort of walk through the Bible, and we're like, "Oh, I like that. I'll have some of that. I don't like this. I'm not going to have that.

    08:18-08:23

    I like this. I'll take a little bit of this, but I'm definitely not taking any of this." The Bible's not the buffet line.

    08:26-08:27

    We don't pick and choose what we want.

    08:29-08:34

    That's why when we talk about discipline, we have to turn to God's Word for answers in that area, too.

    08:35-08:38

    Before we get into this, I know you have a lot of stuff in your outline, we're going to go through it quickly.

    08:38-08:44

    It's going to be available on our website, so you can listen to it again because there's going to be a lot of information in dealing with this.

    08:44-08:46

    But I have to say this, parents.

    08:47-08:53

    Parents, your kids learn about who God is through you.

    08:55-08:55

    Understand that.

    08:56-09:11

    That your children's first impressions of what God must be like, they're going to learn that through you. What did Jesus call God? He called him our what? Heavenly Father, right?

    09:12-09:26

    It's this idea that God is this parent and your kids are going to learn about what God is like through you. And sadly, parents, we have a tendency, we all need grace here, right?

    09:26-09:35

    We all need grace. We're in a no condemnation zone, right? We all need grace. But this is a very serious matter because your kids can learn some wrong things about God.

    09:36-10:06

    Your kids can learn some things that aren't true based on how you parent. For example, if your children only feel like you love them or you have high regard for them when they perform for you, they're going to get that idea about God. God is happy with me and God loves me when I'm a good boy and I obey the ten commandments, but when I disobey and do something wrong, God is mad at me and God doesn't like me." And some people never get over that.

    10:07-10:12

    There's adults walking around right now thinking that God is that way because that's how their parents were.

    10:13-10:21

    Not unconditional love, "You're my kid no matter what happens." We've had that conversation in our house.

    10:21-10:24

    Kate will get mad and everybody will go, "I don't want to be a miller anymore." I'm like, "Guess what?

    10:25-11:15

    an option. You are a Miller until the day you die. And even if you decide to change your name, it's not going to matter because our blood runs through your veins. You can't change that. And we love you. We tell them all, we love you on your best day and on your worst day because that's how God is to us, right? This love doesn't change based on our performance, but you will mess your kids up if you make them think that mom and dad only love me when I'm a good boy or when I'm a good little girl. Some people get this wrong idea that God is detached, that God's just sort of up in heaven and he sort of has his back on the earth. Why do people have that idea?

    11:20-11:27

    Because Years ago, I went to visit a girl, a teenage girl that was in the psych ward at the hospital.

    11:28-11:29

    You know what she did?

    11:30-11:34

    She stole her father's car and wrecked it on purpose.

    11:34-11:34

    Do you know why?

    11:35-11:36

    This was from her mouth.

    11:37-11:38

    This wasn't me trying to psychoanalyze her.

    11:39-11:39

    This is from her mouth.

    11:40-11:42

    She said, "You know, my parents never disciplined me.

    11:43-11:44

    No matter what I did, they'd never get mad.

    11:45-11:54

    They never gave me any kind of attention at all." And I thought, "Surely, surely they'd discipline me if I did something like this." And they didn't.

    11:55-11:57

    She was drunk at the time.

    11:57-11:58

    They're like, "Just go sleep it off.

    11:58-12:00

    We'll talk about it later." And they dropped it.

    12:02-12:08

    But see, this girl had this idea, her parents are detached, and that's going to carry over to what she thinks about God.

    12:09-12:09

    God's detached.

    12:10-12:12

    God doesn't really care what happens.

    12:12-12:14

    And that's a lie from hell, by the way.

    12:14-12:16

    God cares so much about you.

    12:16-12:25

    The Bible says, "He knows how many hairs you have on your head." Now, when parents are moody, kids never know what they expect when they walk in the door.

    12:25-12:30

    Is dad going to bark at me or is dad going to be my buddy?

    12:31-12:32

    People have that idea about God.

    12:34-12:39

    God is moody and God probably has good days and bad days.

    12:40-12:43

    Gosh, I hope when I die and stand before Him, it's a good day.

    12:45-12:48

    The point, you get the point, your kids are going to learn about who God is through you.

    12:51-13:00

    As we talk about discipline, if you don't get anything else I say today, you fall asleep or walk out or whatever now, get this.

    13:03-13:09

    The reason we discipline our children is because that's what God does for us.

    13:10-13:16

    We discipline out of love, because that's what God does for His kids.

    13:17-13:17

    See, that's the basis.

    13:19-13:21

    It wasn't like we had this crazy idea, "Oh, I got an idea.

    13:21-13:24

    Let's discipline our kids." Yeah, anybody on board with that?

    13:25-13:28

    We do it because that's what God does, and it is an act of love.

    13:28-13:29

    We're going to talk about that.

    13:29-13:32

    All right, so on your outline, jot these things down.

    13:32-13:34

    Like I said, we'll go through these things pretty quickly.

    13:36-13:40

    Number one, a wrong attitude about discipline will make you discipline wrongly.

    13:41-13:43

    We can't get any more simple than that.

    13:43-13:47

    A wrong attitude about discipline will make you discipline wrongly.

    13:48-13:50

    So what do you mean wrong attitudes?

    13:51-13:53

    These are some wrong attitudes about discipline.

    13:53-13:53

    Are you ready?

    13:53-13:58

    The first wrong attitude is this, correction alone is enough.

    14:00-14:02

    Correction alone is enough.

    14:03-14:11

    Some people think, "My job as a parent is to watch to see when my kid gets out of line, and when my kid gets out of line, I knock him back in line.

    14:11-14:14

    That's my job as a parent, right?" No.

    14:15-14:17

    That is not your job as a parent.

    14:18-14:19

    Look at Ephesians 6, 4 again.

    14:20-14:26

    It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline What are the next two words?

    14:29-14:30

    Go ahead, say them out loud.

    14:31-14:32

    And instruction!

    14:33-14:35

    And instruction of the Lord!

    14:37-14:41

    Our job is to not just knock our kids in line, laying the hammer down when they disobey.

    14:42-14:43

    Some people think that's the job.

    14:44-14:46

    I have the hand of discipline.

    14:48-14:50

    Correction alone is enough.

    14:51-14:52

    That is a wrong attitude.

    14:54-15:02

    Number two, here's a wrong attitude, every perceived wrong deserves discipline.

    15:03-15:05

    Every perceived wrong deserves discipline.

    15:06-15:14

    As soon as I think that my kid did something wrong, it's time to lay the hammer down because you know, Pastor Jeff was saying we've got to discipline our kids, right?

    15:15-15:15

    No.

    15:17-15:50

    We talked about this a couple of weeks ago, and every parent's guilty of this from time to time, but your child does something childish, like drops something, and we fly off the handle, "What's the matter with you? What were you doing?" And we like scream at our kid for a simple mistake, but then the kid will turn around and do something completely rebellious, like tell you to shut up. And we're just like, "Oh, kids will be kids." And we kind of laugh off the rebellion, but we lay the hammer down on the childishness, and that's totally backwards.

    15:52-15:54

    Every perceived wrong deserves discipline.

    15:54-15:55

    That is a wrong attitude.

    15:56-16:02

    Here's another aspect of that, and it is this - not getting the whole story.

    16:04-16:05

    Not getting the whole story.

    16:05-16:18

    Proverbs 18:13 says, "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." A couple of weeks ago, I told you a story where we had this Brady Bunch moment.

    16:18-16:22

    Do you remember that? We sat down with Cade and we said, "Hey, we're so proud of you.

    16:22-16:59

    you did this, the way you did that, just one thing that we're gonna work on and we shared that with them and but you know what overall you did very good this weekend we gave him a hug, okay buddy, off the bed and he walked up and he was on the landing of the steps and he turned around and he said to Aaron and I, yeah well you both can stick it. And I don't think I finished that story because I had somebody say well what what did you guys do? So let me finish the story if I did And the first thing I did was I looked at Aaron, and I was like, "Why did you teach him that?" He didn't hear that from me.

    17:00-17:07

    And actually, she was looking at me, and she's like, "Why did you teach him that?" So the first thing we did was try to figure out who he heard that from.

    17:07-17:09

    So Aaron and I figured out it wasn't from either of us.

    17:10-17:11

    I don't know where he heard it.

    17:12-17:15

    But somebody's like, "Why didn't you really discipline him for that?

    17:15-17:20

    "We didn't discipline him at all for that." Like, "Why?" Because he came right back to us.

    17:20-17:25

    He goes, "I have a question. What does 'stick it' mean?" He had no idea what that meant.

    17:25-17:31

    He heard it on a cartoon or a show or some kid at school said it, and that was a teaching opportunity.

    17:32-17:33

    Like, "You know what, buddy, we don't say that.

    17:34-17:36

    It's the same way as telling somebody to shut up.

    17:36-17:42

    It's very disrespectful, and we try to communicate." He was like, "Oh, okay." He's never said it again.

    17:43-18:43

    But how wrong would that have been for us to severely discipline him for perceived act of rebellion when he was just repeating something you heard and didn't fully understand what it was so we didn't discipline for that next time he says it however K wrong attitudes correction alone is enough attitude every perceived wrong deserve discipline bad attitude is a third one this one always equals spanking to use a discipline people ago we're talking about spanking today yes yes yes I'm familiar with the subject we're talking about spanking and spanking is one form but it is not always the best way there's grounding there's removing privileges there's doing extra chores there's redoing chores that weren't done right parents you have to ask yourself what's the best form of discipline for the offense, right?

    18:44-18:49

    But this idea that spanking is the answer for all things discipline, that's wrong.

    18:49-18:50

    It's just wrong.

    18:51-18:52

    It is completely wrong.

    18:54-18:57

    So wrong attitudes make you discipline wrongly.

    18:58-19:06

    So when you have these wrong attitudes, you're going to see that they're going to manifest themselves by you disciplining your children in a wrong manner.

    19:07-19:08

    Like what?

    19:08-19:12

    Quickly, number one, I discipline because of my emotions.

    19:14-19:16

    Look, we've all been here.

    19:17-19:20

    I have been so guilty of this, and you have too, okay?

    19:21-19:31

    So don't point a finger of condemnation at me, and don't hang your head walking out of here feeling like you're the only one, because we're all in this boat.

    19:34-19:46

    I don't even have to ask you to raise your hand, because I guarantee you every parent in this room, at some point is disciplined because of emotions, meaning you discipline because you're angry or because you're annoyed.

    19:47-19:50

    Your primary motive isn't my child needs corrected.

    19:51-19:53

    Your primary motive is I'm ticked off now.

    19:53-19:54

    I'm mad.

    19:57-20:03

    James 1:20 says, "The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." And sometimes that's how we discipline.

    20:05-20:07

    I discipline because of my emotions.

    20:09-20:11

    Still, under that heading, I would also add this.

    20:12-20:14

    I've been guilty of this too.

    20:15-20:16

    I discipline when it's convenient.

    20:18-20:19

    I discipline when it's convenient.

    20:21-20:22

    That makes us inconsistent.

    20:22-20:24

    Our children need disciplined.

    20:25-20:26

    Oh, I'm too tired.

    20:27-20:28

    The game is on.

    20:28-20:30

    I'm in the middle of something.

    20:30-20:32

    I just disciplined them an hour ago.

    20:32-20:38

    and we make excuses to not discipline sometimes, and it makes us inconsistent.

    20:39-20:45

    And it trains children that we discipline by how you feel, not based on what's right and wrong.

    20:46-20:54

    Well, if mom and dad are in the mood, if they're not feeling lazy, and if they're not overly emotional, all these factors are gonna go into discipline.

    20:54-20:55

    That's wrong.

    20:56-20:57

    That's not how God disciplines.

    20:58-21:00

    That should not be how we discipline.

    21:02-21:06

    Number two, wrong attitudes will make you discipline wrongly.

    21:06-21:08

    Number two, I discipline without ever praising.

    21:11-21:14

    Don't make your child think that you're the prison warden.

    21:14-21:16

    OK, look for the good, the praise.

    21:16-21:22

    Look for things that your child is doing right, instead of always looking to see what your child's doing wrong.

    21:25-21:27

    And number three, this is a huge one as well.

    21:29-21:31

    I discipline with improper methods.

    21:33-21:35

    Wrong attitudes make you discipline wrongly.

    21:35-21:37

    I discipline with improper methods.

    21:38-21:44

    Slapping, punching, hitting the child with whatever is handy.

    21:46-21:57

    I remember when we were kids, we had this English bulldog that was the stereotypical bulldog.

    21:58-22:02

    hard-headed, determined, and...

    22:02-22:05

    Well, my parents got this shock stick.

    22:05-22:06

    You remember the shock stick.

    22:07-22:10

    It was this, it was like a low-grade cattle prod.

    22:10-22:14

    It was about this long, it was about this big around, it had a red handle, and it was blue.

    22:14-22:17

    It was like a metal rod, but it had these two prongs on the end.

    22:18-22:24

    And when you push the button on the red handle, it would give you a jolt that'll get your attention.

    22:25-22:27

    I mean, we messed around with it and stuff.

    22:27-22:31

    "Ahh, okay, well, don't call Peter.

    22:31-22:33

    "This was like decades ago, okay?

    22:34-22:49

    "Decades ago, don't miss the point of the story." Well, it was the only thing that got the dog's attention, probably because she had like five inches layer of fat on her, so swatting her with a newspaper was not even gonna get her attention.

    22:49-23:00

    So anyways, so we had this, mom and dad had this shock stick, you just give her a little jolt on the leg, And like I said, the thing really hurt for like a second and a half.

    23:01-23:05

    Then it was all like tingling, like, oh, like, not like I want to do it again, but like, yeah, get your attention.

    23:05-23:08

    But it wasn't like, you know, call the ambulance.

    23:10-23:13

    Well, our younger brother was mouthing off to mom.

    23:15-23:22

    And I remember mom just like flew off the handle and she was looking for a tool of discipline.

    23:23-23:24

    You see where the story's going?

    23:24-23:26

    And she grabbed the shock stick.

    23:27-23:28

    And I remember, do you remember this?

    23:28-23:34

    I can still see the whole story in my head because it was, mom grabbed the shock stick.

    23:34-23:42

    And you could, there was this like half second of hesitation where we were like, is she gonna do it?

    23:44-23:47

    Because Darren and I knew she wasn't gonna hit him with it because it was like a big metal rod.

    23:47-23:48

    That would have been child abuse.

    23:48-23:50

    That would have been really bad.

    23:51-23:54

    So she grabs a shock stick and we're like, is she gonna do it?

    23:56-23:56

    She did it.

    23:58-24:01

    He was wearing jeans, on the leg, just like one shock.

    24:04-24:06

    The funniest part of that story was the way he sold it.

    24:06-24:07

    He sold it like a champ.

    24:07-24:08

    Do you remember?

    24:09-24:13

    He goes down, he's screaming and writhing.

    24:13-24:23

    And while he's screaming and writhing, he's like, I can't believe my own mother "You electrocuted me!" And he's just...

    24:23-24:25

    It was a scene and a half!

    24:28-24:32

    And this went on for a while, and we're like, oh, come on, dude, it did not hurt that bad.

    24:34-24:39

    And I am by no means sharing that story as an example to how you should discipline.

    24:39-24:41

    I'm sharing this story because I thought it was really funny.

    24:43-24:45

    But the point is - okay.

    24:46-24:47

    We've all been guilty of this.

    24:49-24:50

    God's grace, we're gonna do better.

    24:51-24:56

    But don't just grab the nearest thing to discipline your kid, okay?

    24:58-25:00

    Especially if you have a cattle prod laying around.

    25:03-25:05

    None of these things reflect the character of God.

    25:06-25:06

    None of them do.

    25:08-25:09

    Okay.

    25:10-25:12

    Wrong attitudes will make you discipline wrongly.

    25:14-25:24

    Number two, this is what we're going after, A biblical attitude about discipline will make you discipline biblically.

    25:25-25:27

    Okay, biblical attitudes, number one.

    25:28-25:29

    We already alluded to this.

    25:29-25:33

    I want to give you a great passage of Scripture to back this up.

    25:33-25:37

    Number one, discipline is motivated by love.

    25:39-25:42

    Discipline is motivated by love.

    25:44-25:46

    Look at Hebrews 12 verses five through nine.

    25:47-25:48

    I'm gonna read this quickly.

    25:49-25:54

    The Hebrew writer says, "And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons or as children?

    25:56-26:04

    'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him.'" Listen to this.

    26:04-26:12

    "For the Lord disciplines the one He loves and chastises every son whom He receives.

    26:13-26:15

    It is for discipline that you have to endure.

    26:16-26:18

    God is treating you as sons.

    26:18-26:21

    For what son is there who his father does not discipline?

    26:21-26:28

    If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

    26:30-26:34

    Besides this, we've had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them.

    26:37-26:41

    Shall we not much more be subject to the father of spirits and live?

    26:43-26:46

    Meaning this, if God's disciplining you, that is a great thing.

    26:47-26:49

    Because that means you belong to him.

    26:50-26:53

    If you're a child of God, understand God's not going to punish you.

    26:54-26:57

    God's already punished Jesus Christ for your sin.

    26:58-27:02

    But when we experience hardship, it's discipline.

    27:02-27:08

    And the reason God disciplines us is because we're his children and he loves us.

    27:08-27:15

    If you're living your life and you never experienced the discipline of the Lord, That is a terrible thing, because that means you don't belong to him.

    27:16-27:28

    It's like when you're in Walmart and you hear some kid freaking out, you know, "I want this and buy me this." And you're thinking to yourself, "Man, would I like to spank that kid." But I hope to heaven you don't.

    27:29-27:32

    Like go to Walmart and just start spanking other people's kids.

    27:34-27:37

    We don't actually follow through with that because it's not our kid.

    27:40-27:44

    But when it is our child acting up, we're all over that.

    27:45-27:45

    Why?

    27:47-27:51

    Because we love this child in a way that we don't love this other child, because this is our child.

    27:51-27:53

    This child belongs to me.

    27:53-27:56

    And that's how God treats us.

    27:58-27:59

    He's not disciplining you.

    27:59-28:00

    That means you don't belong to Him.

    28:02-28:07

    So, parents, we have to discipline out of love.

    28:07-28:09

    That has to be the motivation.

    28:10-28:17

    I'm doing this because I love you, I care about you, I'm thinking about the adult that you're going to be someday.

    28:18-28:19

    That's why I'm disciplining you.

    28:19-28:22

    It has to be motivated by love.

    28:23-28:27

    Number two, discipline is about correction, not punishment.

    28:29-28:33

    Again, we alluded to this, but discipline is about correction, not punishment.

    28:34-28:34

    What's the difference?

    28:35-28:36

    Punishment is looking back.

    28:37-28:38

    Punishment is looking back.

    28:38-28:39

    You did wrong!

    28:40-28:43

    Now you're going to hurt because of the wrong that you did.

    28:43-28:45

    That's looking back at a past offense.

    28:46-28:48

    But see, correction is looking to the future.

    28:48-28:54

    I'm disciplining you now because you can't grow up carrying this kind of attitude.

    28:56-29:02

    Your disrespect now for the authority in your life, whether it's your parents or your teacher.

    29:04-29:30

    forward to when that's disrespect for a police officer or your boss. Talk about that more in a few minutes. But you see the difference? Listen to the difference in these statements. "I told you not to do it, now you're gonna pay!" In the same I've had it. You're grounded.

    29:32-29:35

    Those are things that, typically the kinds of things that we say.

    29:35-29:37

    Compare statements like that to this.

    29:39-29:42

    Hey, we discussed what was going to happen if you disobeyed.

    29:42-29:49

    And you chose to disobey, so what does God expect me to do as a parent since you disobeyed?

    29:50-29:52

    How many times have we had that conversation in our house?

    29:53-29:55

    Do you understand why I have to do this?

    29:55-29:57

    Because God gave me a job.

    29:57-30:01

    and you made a wrong choice.

    30:04-30:06

    The discipline is about correction, not punishment.

    30:07-30:09

    Number three, biblical attitude.

    30:11-30:13

    Discipline must be God glorifying.

    30:14-30:27

    James 1.5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, "let him ask God who gives generously to all "without reproach and it will be given to him." You gotta get on God's agenda for discipline.

    30:29-30:32

    It's motivated by love for the child.

    30:33-30:38

    It has their correction in mind, and it's carried out in a way that glorifies God.

    30:39-30:45

    And when you keep that as the backdrop of discipline, you're not going to discipline wrongly.

    30:47-30:52

    So, biblical attitudes will make you discipline biblically.

    30:54-30:55

    What does it mean to discipline biblically?

    30:55-30:59

    Number one, I give appropriate expectations.

    31:00-31:02

    I give appropriate expectations.

    31:06-31:08

    Giving expectations ahead of time is like God.

    31:10-31:15

    Remember in the Garden of Eden, God clearly communicated with Adam and Eve.

    31:17-31:20

    You may eat off of any tree except this one.

    31:21-31:24

    When you eat off of this tree, dying you will die.

    31:26-31:28

    The point here is God very clearly communicated.

    31:29-31:37

    It wasn't like God put them in the garden and already had that rule sort of established, but never told them.

    31:38-31:44

    One day they're just like out picking fruit and eating, and God's like, "What did you do?" He was very clear on the front end.

    31:45-31:49

    Parents, you have to be very clear with your children.

    31:50-31:54

    You can't discipline them when they didn't know what was expected.

    31:56-31:58

    So how do I give appropriate expectations?

    31:59-32:00

    Got a few words down here.

    32:00-32:01

    Got this word down, clear.

    32:03-32:03

    Clear.

    32:05-32:07

    Meaning the child understands exactly what you expect.

    32:08-32:15

    Child needs to know exactly what it is, not, "Listen, I expect you to be good." Is that clear?

    32:16-32:17

    No, it's not clear.

    32:17-32:18

    What does it mean to be good?

    32:20-32:23

    Like, you know, don't stab anybody with a pen.

    32:24-32:25

    Anything other than that, I'm good.

    32:27-32:28

    You have to give expectations.

    32:28-32:30

    You're going to church and I want you to be good.

    32:30-32:31

    What does that mean?

    32:33-32:33

    Spell it out.

    32:34-32:35

    What your expectations are.

    32:38-32:40

    Another appropriate expectation, jot this word down, reasonable.

    32:41-32:42

    It needs to be reasonable.

    32:42-32:43

    Age appropriate.

    32:45-32:45

    Age appropriate.

    32:47-32:52

    You can't say to your three-year-old, Okay, we're going to church, and here's what you're gonna do.

    32:53-32:59

    You're gonna take legible notes on the sermon, and I will be checking them.

    33:01-33:04

    You're gonna get the scripture references right, and you're not gonna fidget.

    33:05-33:07

    Is that reasonable to expect that from a three-year-old?

    33:08-33:09

    Of course not.

    33:10-33:13

    Your expectations have to be reasonable, age appropriate.

    33:14-33:17

    Here's another word, drop this down under appropriate expectations.

    33:18-33:18

    definable.

    33:19-33:22

    This kind of goes with the clear thing, but definable.

    33:25-33:25

    Meaning this.

    33:26-33:28

    You tell your child, go clean your room.

    33:29-33:30

    Come on, parents.

    33:30-33:31

    We've all been there, right?

    33:31-33:32

    Go clean your room.

    33:33-33:41

    And then we go later, and their room still looks like a Toys R Us truck crashed into the side of your house.

    33:46-33:48

    I thought I told you to clean your room.

    33:48-33:52

    And your child says, I did clean my room.

    33:54-33:58

    Like, look, the housing authority is about to show up and condemn our house.

    33:59-34:00

    Like, what do you mean?

    34:02-34:07

    Well, obviously, your child's definition of clean and your definition of clean might be different.

    34:08-34:09

    So it has to be definable.

    34:11-34:13

    It has to be definable.

    34:13-34:22

    So when you tell your child to clean your room, look, I want you to pick your dirty clothes up and put them in the hamper, put the toys on the shelf, make your bed, spell it out.

    34:22-34:24

    That way when you go by, I cleaned my room.

    34:24-34:28

    No, you didn't because your bed's not made because I see dirty clothes on the floor.

    34:28-34:30

    See, it's definable, right?

    34:33-34:37

    Okay, and then appropriate expectations, one more word to write down under there, enforceable.

    34:40-34:50

    Enforceable, meaning your child has to know the consequences consequences for disobedience, and those consequences need to be enforceable.

    34:51-34:55

    Meaning, if you don't clean your room, you're grounded for the rest of your life.

    34:56-35:00

    Oh, come on, parents, you really don't want to ground your child for the rest of his life.

    35:00-35:02

    Right? Because that's going to be on you.

    35:04-35:08

    Or, if you don't do this, I'm going to pulverize you.

    35:10-35:14

    Really, disobedience is literally going to result grinding this child into powder?

    35:15-35:20

    No, but your child has to know, this is what's going to happen if I don't do what mom's expecting.

    35:22-35:23

    Appropriate expectations.

    35:24-35:25

    Okay, number two.

    35:27-35:30

    Not only do I give appropriate expectations, but number two, I follow through as soon as possible.

    35:31-35:33

    I follow through as soon as possible.

    35:36-35:38

    Ecclesiastes 8, verse 11.

    35:39-35:47

    Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.

    35:49-35:50

    Meaning this.

    35:51-35:53

    That's a big problem we have in our justice system.

    35:54-35:58

    People wait for their court date for months.

    35:58-36:09

    But imagine if our culture was like some other cultures in the world, where the penalty for a crime was carried out immediately.

    36:11-36:11

    Immediately.

    36:13-36:17

    You get caught committing this crime, you get caned right now.

    36:19-36:21

    You think that would deter crime?

    36:21-36:21

    Absolutely.

    36:22-36:23

    Like, we do this now.

    36:25-36:26

    We don't stretch it out.

    36:27-36:29

    And that's what Solomon's talking about in Ecclesiastes.

    36:30-36:37

    Mankind is inclined towards evil because a lot of times, they don't get the immediate consequences of doing wrong.

    36:38-36:40

    And that's really why we discipline.

    36:40-36:49

    Discipline, especially for younger children, discipline lets the child feel an immediate negative consequence for disobedience.

    36:49-36:50

    That's what we're doing.

    36:51-36:54

    We're letting them feel, I'm gonna say that again, this is a good thing to jot down.

    36:55-37:01

    Discipline lets the child feel an immediate negative consequence for disobedience.

    37:03-37:06

    So I encourage you to follow through as soon as possible.

    37:08-37:16

    Now when I say as soon as possible, notice I didn't say follow through immediately in that your child disobeys in public and you're trying to take care of business in public.

    37:16-37:17

    That's not appropriate.

    37:19-37:20

    Hey, when we get home, we're gonna deal with this.

    37:22-37:23

    It should be done in a private setting.

    37:24-37:29

    Number three, I discipline with proper methods.

    37:32-37:33

    Again, discipline takes many forms.

    37:34-37:40

    You and your spouse should agree ahead of time and you should carry it out unified.

    37:43-37:53

    For younger kids, for younger kids, a spanking is appropriate at times.

    37:56-38:00

    Didn't really feel like sharing this part, to be honest with you, and Aaron will tell you, I'm the worst.

    38:01-38:02

    I'm the worst, I am.

    38:04-38:39

    When it comes to spanking, our kids are getting to an age that they're, in my opinion, I think they're too old at this point. Back in the day when it was an age-appropriate thing, I remember there were times that Erin would pull me aside privately after I disciplined, and she was like, "That was pathetic! That wouldn't have hurt a fly!" I'm terrible at it. I am. I am a wimp. And I'm not standing up here saying, "Look, I I did it all perfectly.

    38:40-38:42

    I'm saying God's Word has answers.

    38:42-38:45

    Let's discover them together and let's grow together, right?

    38:46-38:54

    So, understand this, spanking done properly is not abusive.

    38:56-39:01

    Spanking done properly, properly is not abusive.

    39:02-39:10

    It is a loving and helpful tool that can help mold a child's character for life.

    39:12-39:15

    So where do we get this idea for spanking?

    39:15-39:16

    Well, it's all through God's Word.

    39:16-39:17

    Do you want some examples?

    39:18-39:20

    Proverbs 13:24.

    39:22-39:33

    It says, "Whoever spares the rod..." Look at this. "Hates his son." I don't want to spank my child.

    39:34-39:35

    The Bible says then you must hate him.

    39:37-39:40

    But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

    39:41-39:50

    Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

    39:53-39:58

    Proverbs 23:13-14 It says do not withhold discipline from a child.

    40:00-40:04

    If you strike him with a rod, "You will not die.

    40:05-40:11

    If you strike Him with the rod, you will save His soul from Sheol." Like, what's Sheol?

    40:11-40:13

    That was just a word in the Old Testament.

    40:13-40:14

    It meant the grave.

    40:15-40:19

    It was this idea of what lies beyond when we die, what's beyond.

    40:19-40:26

    Because they didn't have the full revelation that we do since Christ has come and the New Testament's been written under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

    40:28-40:32

    But at that point in the Old Testament, they just had that word Sheol.

    40:32-40:33

    the place beyond the grave.

    40:35-40:43

    So I wanna give you some suggested steps when a spanking is appropriate, suggested steps when a spanking is appropriate, okay?

    40:45-40:48

    Number one, don't threaten, inform.

    40:49-40:50

    No repeated warnings.

    40:52-40:58

    Once they receive the expectations, then they are expected to obey.

    40:58-41:01

    And if they disobey, now we need to deal with it.

    41:03-41:10

    Number two, as we talked about, a lot of this is review, but I don't want to, please, I don't want anybody to mishear me on anything here.

    41:10-41:11

    This is so important.

    41:13-41:16

    It could be an absolute tragedy if you mishear any of this.

    41:16-41:17

    So please pay attention.

    41:20-41:23

    Number two, make sure the offense has been committed.

    41:24-41:24

    Okay?

    41:24-41:26

    Not flying off the handle, you're going to get it.

    41:27-41:27

    Verify.

    41:29-41:30

    Has the offense been committed?

    41:31-41:33

    Number three, go to a private setting.

    41:33-41:35

    I encourage you to pray on the way.

    41:36-41:37

    You don't want to do this in anger.

    41:37-41:39

    You want to do this motivated by love.

    41:40-41:41

    Go to a private setting.

    41:42-41:43

    Number four, review.

    41:44-41:44

    Review.

    41:45-41:47

    As we talked about, you sit down with your child.

    41:47-41:48

    Okay, what was expected?

    41:50-41:51

    And what did you do?

    41:53-41:54

    And what should you have done?

    41:57-41:58

    Okay, who chose to do wrong?

    42:00-42:04

    Okay, so what does the Bible tell me to do as your parent when you disobey?

    42:05-42:09

    Have your child understand you're not hitting them because you're mad at them.

    42:12-42:15

    Look, I don't want to do this.

    42:17-42:19

    God tells me I need to do this to help you.

    42:21-42:23

    Number five, have the child assume the position.

    42:26-42:29

    children might be across the lap or maybe bent over the bed.

    42:31-42:35

    I encourage you to use a rod or a whapper.

    42:36-42:44

    There's actually a company that sells these little whappers that aren't going to do any damage.

    42:44-42:46

    Just enough to get the child's attention.

    42:47-42:53

    But use something, not a cattle prod, but use something, not your hand.

    42:55-43:00

    The child must associate the discipline with the tool, not with your hand.

    43:01-43:06

    That's why, did you notice in Proverbs, every time the rod, the rod, the rod, the rod, the rod, why the rod?

    43:07-43:10

    It was a tool of discipline, not dad.

    43:11-43:12

    Okay?

    43:14-43:22

    Use your wrist to administer predetermined number of spanks, not a full arm swing.

    43:25-43:28

    And you place them firmly on the child's hindquarters, okay?

    43:29-43:32

    Not their back, not their legs, not across the face.

    43:35-43:39

    And number seven, let the child regain composure.

    43:39-43:44

    Discuss again the reason for the spanking and assess if there's a change of direction.

    43:45-43:47

    Okay, what are we gonna do next time?

    43:48-43:50

    You understand what you did wrong, so what are we gonna do next time?

    43:51-43:53

    Number eight, encourage the child.

    43:55-43:56

    Encourage the child.

    43:57-43:59

    Say, "Do you understand what you did wrong?

    44:00-44:11

    Do you understand?" They should have before the spanking, but circling back, getting this lesson cemented, "Look, Daddy doesn't like spanking you, but I have to when you disobey.

    44:11-44:12

    You can do better.

    44:12-44:18

    We're going to make a better choice next time." Let there be a time of encouragement.

    44:19-44:22

    Look, we're going to move on from this, we're going to do better.

    44:24-44:30

    Number nine, tell the child to apologize to the appropriate person if applicable.

    44:31-44:41

    Meaning, if you need to apologize to your mom or to your brother, something we've done in our house, we've had Kade write letters of apology to his teacher.

    44:43-44:47

    We've had some pretty serious offenses at school with striking teachers out of anger.

    44:50-44:51

    So we've had Kate write a letter.

    44:51-44:52

    You're going to sit down and you're going to write a letter.

    44:53-44:53

    You're going to apologize.

    44:53-44:54

    You're going to say what you did.

    44:55-44:56

    You're going to say why it was wrong.

    44:56-44:58

    You're going to ask for forgiveness.

    44:58-45:04

    And you're going to say, "I'm not going to do it again." And finally, give your child a hug.

    45:06-45:07

    Pray for change.

    45:08-45:10

    Pray for change. Pray with the child.

    45:10-45:23

    Let's just stop right now and pray, "God, help me to do better next time." Your child is inevitably going to have to face discipline somewhere.

    45:24-45:30

    I don't like talking about this stuff either, but we don't pick and choose, right?

    45:30-45:34

    And the truth is your child is going to have to face discipline somewhere.

    45:35-45:38

    Your child is going to face discipline at school for goofing off.

    45:38-45:41

    Your child is going to face discipline at work for being late.

    45:41-45:46

    Your child is going to be disciplined by the police, getting pulled over for speeding or whatever.

    45:47-45:59

    The most important place, the best place for your child to experience discipline is under your loving and watchful care.

    46:01-46:37

    Because an ounce, an ounce from you now is going to be worth far more than a pound someone else later that's what we tell Kade you can't hit your teacher why what's going to happen in a few years if you're out somewhere and a police officer tells you to knock something off and you go up and hit the cop what's going to happen I don't see prevention now worth far more than a pound for mothers later. So that's it. Our series is over.

    46:39-46:42

    But our work continues.

    46:44-46:57

    The word parent is both a noun and a verb. Noun, it's automatic. When you have a child, you You are a parent.

    46:58-47:02

    But to parent - that is a verb, and that is not going to happen automatically.

    47:03-47:13

    By God's grace, in His power, by His Word, we are called to be parenting on purpose.

    47:15-47:18

    The target - the heart.

    47:19-47:22

    The team must be united.

    47:24-47:30

    The teaching must be consistent, or constant, excuse me, the turnaround.

    47:31-47:32

    That must be consistent.

    47:34-47:38

    Father in Heaven, give us wisdom, God.

    47:39-47:46

    Today we just barely scratched the surface on a subject that, God, You know the struggles I've had.

    47:48-47:56

    Either doing something out of anger I'm not doing something because I don't know what to do.

    47:58-47:59

    Too much or too little.

    48:00-48:02

    No teaching, no expectations, God.

    48:02-48:02

    You know.

    48:04-48:05

    You know how I've blown it.

    48:07-48:10

    But I thank You, God, that Your Word is so clear.

    48:12-48:19

    And I thank You for Your grace because I'm sure there are some brothers and sisters in this room that would stand up here and say the same thing right now.

    48:20-48:22

    I haven't always done it the way that I need to.

    48:24-48:25

    Today's a new day.

    48:27-48:28

    Today we know.

    48:30-48:32

    Today we've seen what your Word has to say.

    48:33-48:40

    And God, we are crying out to you for your Holy Spirit to empower us, to guide us, for your Holy Spirit to make this happen.

    48:41-48:45

    That your Holy Spirit would grant us patience.

    48:48-48:51

    The Holy Spirit would grant us self-control.

    48:52-48:59

    We know that these are fruit of the Spirit and these are things that we especially need when it comes to discipline.

    49:01-49:20

    Father, as we move on from this series, I pray that there are some lessons that we're taking with us, that every one of us who have children would see them as that arrow that needs straightened, that needs cut right, that we would redeem the time.

    49:22-49:23

    Thank you for being a perfect Father.

    49:26-49:26

    Give us wisdom.

    49:29-49:31

    We pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read various passages from sermon

  1. What are some wrong ideas of discipline you’ve heard? What makes them wrong

  2. What’s the Biblical purpose of discipline? How does this reflect the character of God? How does this affect how you should go about it?

  3. Give reasons why you should never discipline in anger.

  4. How do you know when you disciplined your child properly? What are the signs you see from your child?

Breakout Questions:

Pray for God’s wisdom for yourself, and other parents, in administering Biblical Discipline. 

Parenting on Purpose - Part 3

The Teaching: Homemade Disciples

Review and Intro:

Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

WHO


WHY


WHERE / WHEN


TODAY: - we are going to cover HOW and WHAT

How is a Parent to Teach? Specific Ways to Teach Your Children:

  1. By asking Questions and evaluating life circumstances.

    Deuteronomy 6:7 - You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.


  2. By being an Example.

    Philippians 4:9 - The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things...


  3. By intentionally conducting a family "Worship Time".

What Is A Parent To Teach? Specific Things to Teach Your Children:


  1. Children (1st 5 years) – Teach Obedience.

    Ephesians 6:1-2 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise).


  2. Youth (age 6-12) - Teach Character qualities.

    1. Attentiveness

    2. Initiative

    3. Contentment

    4. Gratefulness

  3. Teens (13-18) – Teach preparation for Adulthood.

    1. To apply the Word of God in decision-making.

    2. To find their identity in Christ.

    3. To make wise choices in the area of friendships and companions.

    4. To be strong against sexual temptation.

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:05

    Like to review what we've been talking about so far, we're doing a series called Parenting on Purpose.

    00:05-00:08

    Do you remember week one, we talked about the target.

    00:09-00:09

    The target.

    00:09-00:12

    And the target is your child's heart.

    00:15-00:17

    And we said, "Ready, aim, fire." Remember, ready?

    00:19-00:25

    Three trues that you have to get down before you can even think about this discipleship thing.

    00:26-00:26

    Ready?

    00:27-00:30

    First of all, it starts with your relationship with Christ, okay?

    00:31-00:33

    You're not going to teach your kids something that you don't have yourself.

    00:34-00:45

    So it has to start with you have to have a personal walk, you have to be born again, you have to walk in that love relationship with Christ yourself before any of this other stuff is going to make sense.

    00:45-00:52

    The second key truth is, you've got to get this down, your kid is a sinner, okay?

    00:53-00:58

    And I would challenge you to travel the world, You will not find any more beautiful babies than you will find in this church.

    00:59-00:59

    You will not.

    01:01-01:02

    But they are sinners.

    01:03-01:05

    And if you don't believe me, parents, just wait.

    01:07-01:07

    Just wait.

    01:09-01:15

    They are going to prove that they are self-centered and selfish and they're going to think the world revolves around them.

    01:16-01:16

    Why?

    01:16-01:17

    Because we all have that.

    01:17-01:19

    Every single one of us are born with that.

    01:22-01:25

    We also saw that the Word of God needs to be your source of authority.

    01:25-01:32

    If you're going to disciple your kids - like we talked about with marriage - marriage is God's thing, you've got to do God's thing in God's way.

    01:32-01:33

    It's the same with parenting.

    01:34-01:35

    Parenting was God's idea.

    01:35-01:37

    Discipling your kids is God's idea.

    01:37-01:40

    So if you're going to do God's thing, you're going to do it God's way and the Bible has to be the source of authority.

    01:41-01:42

    So ready? Aim.

    01:42-01:46

    The aim is to make disciples, to reproduce yourself.

    01:46-01:49

    You've already reproduced yourself physically by having a child.

    01:50-01:56

    is reproducing yourself spiritually, teaching your child what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

    01:57-01:58

    That's ready aim. Ready aim, fire.

    02:00-02:01

    We talked about going after the heart.

    02:03-02:06

    That your child is going to make idols.

    02:08-02:13

    And your job as a parent is to tear those idols down and to exalt Jesus Christ instead.

    02:14-02:15

    You're going after the heart.

    02:15-02:16

    You're going after the heart.

    02:16-02:17

    You're going after the heart.

    02:18-02:20

    It's not about modifying behavior.

    02:20-02:22

    with a monkey or a dog, okay?

    02:22-02:24

    We're talking about going after your child's heart.

    02:25-02:28

    Okay, and then we talked about the team last week.

    02:28-02:29

    Mom and dad unite.

    02:29-02:33

    The best thing you can do for your kids is to have a strong marriage.

    02:33-02:42

    We talked about last week how dads, the charge for you biblically is to not provoke your children, but to bring them up.

    02:43-02:50

    And moms, moms, your job is to establish a home that is ordered and holy.

    02:51-02:53

    So today we're gonna talk about the teaching.

    02:54-02:57

    The teaching, Ephesians chapter six, verse four.

    02:57-03:20

    Flashback, we started this last week, but Ephesians chapter six, verse four says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, "but bring them up in the discipline "and instruction of the Lord." And today we're gonna focus on the last part of that verse, the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

    03:20-03:28

    Each parent has a responsibility to help a child to build inner convictions based on God's word.

    03:31-03:41

    And our goal in this series, this is very much a parenting 101 sort of a thing, but our goal is to cover the who, what, where, when, why and how of parenting.

    03:41-03:45

    And we're not going in that order, but we've already covered the who, right?

    03:45-03:46

    The parents.

    03:47-03:48

    A parent is a disciple maker.

    03:50-03:52

    Comes from the Great Commission, Matthew 28.

    03:54-03:57

    Jesus said, "Go and make disciples of all nations." It has to start in your home.

    03:59-04:06

    Children are to be won to Christ, and then discipled as they seek to become like Christ.

    04:07-04:08

    And parent, here's your job.

    04:08-04:14

    You must help your child to think through decisions from God's perspective.

    04:16-04:32

    So that when the child is on his own, when your child is on her own, he or she will own their faith and they will make decisions based on their own convictions.

    04:35-04:38

    Meaning you need to teach your child to own their faith.

    04:39-04:53

    Not I do this because this is what mom and dad want or I do this because mom and dad that are watching, because as soon as they get out of your sight, they're going to live by a different set of rules.

    04:54-04:57

    But your faith, parents, your faith is not your child's.

    04:57-04:58

    You have to get that down.

    04:59-05:10

    I don't care how close your walk is with the Lord, you can have the Bible memorized, and you can be walking in the Spirit more than any other person on this planet.

    05:10-05:12

    That doesn't mean anything when it comes to your child.

    05:13-05:14

    Your faith is not your child's faith.

    05:16-05:28

    I know some wonderful people, I know missionaries that have children - some are missionaries, and others are living a blatant, anti-Christ, rebellious lifestyle.

    05:29-05:32

    Same children from the same household and the same parents.

    05:33-05:34

    Like, what happened there?

    05:35-05:36

    These children have their own will.

    05:37-05:38

    They're going to be making their own choices.

    05:39-05:40

    We talked about this before.

    05:40-05:50

    Discipling your kids, It's not like making cookies where you just kind of throw everything in and you follow the instructions and then you bake them and then they come out and they're always the same.

    05:50-05:52

    Chocolate chip cookies, always the same.

    05:52-05:55

    Same ingredients, same oven, always taste the same.

    05:55-05:56

    Kids aren't like that.

    05:57-05:58

    Kids are not like that.

    06:00-06:06

    It's your job, parents, to influence them, to encourage them, to love them, to teach them.

    06:08-06:10

    Your child will not be saved because you are.

    06:11-06:13

    that's not going to happen by accident.

    06:14-06:15

    Okay?

    06:15-06:17

    Your child is not going to come to Christ by accident.

    06:19-06:20

    So that's who?

    06:20-06:21

    Parents, this is on you.

    06:22-06:23

    The discipleship of your children.

    06:25-06:28

    Our job as a church, excuse me, is to assist you, but our job is not to replace you.

    06:30-06:31

    We want to come alongside.

    06:31-06:34

    But discipling your kids, parents, biblically, that falls on you.

    06:35-06:36

    We'll help.

    06:37-06:37

    So that's who.

    06:37-06:38

    Secondly, why?

    06:39-06:40

    And that's why I'm holding this arrow.

    06:40-06:45

    Why Psalm 127 says that children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior.

    06:46-06:46

    Why an arrow?

    06:48-06:50

    Why not an axe or a sword?

    06:51-07:01

    Well because an arrow is fired out and in those days you had to make your own arrows and you had to cut that thing straight and if you didn't cut it straight it wasn't going to fly where you intended it.

    07:04-07:16

    So your job as a parent is to disciple because someday you're going to be launching your children from your home. You want them to fly where you aim. That's the why.

    07:16-07:29

    That's who, that's why. Where and when? The answer for both of those questions is always. That comes from Deuteronomy chapter 6. We're going to be looking at that in just a moment. But where should we be discipling our kids? Everywhere.

    07:30-08:23

    When? Always. Not just Sunday morning. Okay, not just Saturday night. It should be happening all the time but today I want to cover specifically the how and the what of discipleship okay so we're going to be getting really specific today can you handle that all right first of all how is a parent to teach how is a parent to teach I want you to write these down these are specific ways to teach your children. And the first one is this, letter A, by asking questions and evaluating life circumstances. See, this is one of the problems. See, we have kids that grow up and they go to Sunday school or harvest kids or whatever, and then they go to youth group, and then they go off to college, and suddenly we see this huge drop off. They go to college and They stop going to church.

    08:24-08:25

    They stop worshiping.

    08:25-08:26

    They're not interested anymore.

    08:26-08:27

    Well, what happened?

    08:27-08:28

    Well, here's what happened.

    08:29-08:34

    The child never learned the connection between the word of God and everyday life.

    08:34-08:36

    They think this is the Sunday thing.

    08:36-08:42

    Okay, this is the book that we use Sunday morning, but Monday through Saturday, there's no relevance here.

    08:43-08:49

    And when we disciple our kids to think that way, I go, dad doesn't use the Bible except he does it off for Sunday or when the preacher comes over or whatever.

    08:50-08:55

    When you disciple your kids to think that this is just a Sunday morning thing, of course there's a disconnect.

    08:56-09:01

    It becomes some empty religion instead of a lifestyle walk with Christ.

    09:02-09:08

    So that's why, first of all, ask questions and evaluate life circumstances always.

    09:08-09:25

    That's why Deuteronomy 6, verse seven says, "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them." Look at this, "When you sit in your house." When you're sitting around the house, you should be talking about how the Word of God applies.

    09:26-09:38

    And when you walk by the way, when you're out and about, you know, when you're going on vacation, you're going to Walmart or whatever, you should be talking about these things while you're out and about.

    09:38-09:45

    And when you lie down, okay, even when it's bedtime, you're lying down to rest, you should be talking about these things.

    09:45-09:48

    When you should rise up, it should be priority in your day.

    09:49-09:56

    You should be looking, parents, you should be looking for teaching opportunities in the normal routines of life.

    09:58-09:59

    The normal routines of life.

    10:00-10:04

    We're talking about things like school, if your child is old enough to work.

    10:05-10:06

    Talking about decision making.

    10:07-10:11

    Talking about complaining over hardship, we'll talk more about that in a second.

    10:11-10:13

    Talking about their friendships.

    10:14-10:25

    You should be looking at every facet of your child's life as an opportunity for discussion about what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ in that context.

    10:27-10:39

    You need to help parents, you need to help your children think through issues biblically by asking good questions and working to help the child sharpen his or her answers.

    10:42-10:52

    in what areas. Drop these three things down. These are some areas, specifically, that you should be looking at as teachable moments.

    10:54-10:57

    The first one is the most obvious one. Let's talk about trials.

    10:59-11:10

    Let's talk about trials when there's a death of a loved one, for example, or when a family member has a serious physical illness. You know, some families have not yet had that happen to them.

    11:10-11:21

    I've talked to some people very old in life to say, "I haven't had a major death in my family." Are you prepared to walk through that with your children when that does happen?

    11:22-11:40

    Because it's going to happen. Again, somebody gets a physical illness, you know, we had a family member that had such a severe stroke and is still recovering from that, That should be something that we're able to walk through with our kids, teaching them.

    11:43-11:45

    A great way to teach again is by asking questions.

    11:47-11:52

    Even sometimes if we don't have all the answers, it's okay to seek them together.

    11:52-12:08

    Asking questions in trials, any trial, asking questions like, "What are some possible reasons that God might have allowed this trial?" "What good can possibly come from a trial like this?" Even through this trial, are there some things that we can be thankful for despite how hard it is?

    12:09-12:10

    Ask those types of questions.

    12:12-12:19

    Otherwise, you're going to have your children grow up thinking that as soon as the trial comes, it's all bad, it's all horrible, the world is falling.

    12:22-12:23

    Can we look at this trial from God's perspective?

    12:23-12:25

    Does God use trials?

    12:25-12:27

    Does God bring good from trials?

    12:27-12:29

    And what could possibly be happening here?

    12:30-12:32

    Your child is not going to think like that by default.

    12:33-12:36

    parent, your job is to help them walk through that process.

    12:39-12:41

    Another area, not just trials, but let's talk about authority.

    12:43-12:50

    We'll get more in this in a second, but this is an area you need to keep your kids thinking through, authority, now more than ever, right?

    12:51-12:54

    What's going to happen when you don't obey authority?

    12:55-13:06

    What's going to happen when you go to work and you're disrespectful to your boss like you're disrespectful to your parents, or you speak to your boss, or you use that tone.

    13:06-13:17

    What's going to happen if you treat a police officer that way, thinking through issues of authority, thinking through decision making?

    13:18-13:31

    When your child is faced with decisions, whether it's how should I dress, or which job should I take, which college should I attend, which decision you think God wants you to make?

    13:33-13:35

    Or what's going to happen in either scenario?

    13:36-13:38

    If this happens, let's walk through this.

    13:38-13:39

    What's going to happen if you make this decision?

    13:40-13:42

    On the other hand, what's going to happen if you make this decision?

    13:43-13:51

    So first of all, parents, you should be - this is how - you should be asking questions and looking at every life circumstance your child's going through.

    13:51-13:52

    And let's talk about this.

    13:53-13:54

    Let's kind of examine this together.

    13:56-13:58

    Walk your child through that.

    14:00-14:00

    Letter B.

    14:02-14:18

    "How is a parent to teach?" Here's a big one, "by being an example." By being an example, Philippians 4:9 says, "The things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice such things." This verse applies more than anywhere in parenting.

    14:20-14:23

    Your children see who you really are, not who you say you are.

    14:24-14:25

    Okay?

    14:26-14:31

    Your children see who you are, not who you say you are.

    14:33-14:39

    I remember asking somebody one time, "Is your dad a Christian?" And they said, "Oh, if you heard him pray in church, you would sure think so." That was all they said.

    14:41-14:49

    And I said, "Message received." Meaning, he puts on a front in front of the church people, but when he's home, he lives like the devil.

    14:51-14:52

    Your children see that.

    14:52-14:53

    You can fool me.

    14:54-14:57

    You might even be able to fool Mark or Jay or Darren or one of our elders.

    14:58-15:01

    You might be able to fool us, but you cannot fool your wife and kids.

    15:01-15:02

    They know who you really are.

    15:03-15:04

    They see your example.

    15:06-15:06

    They see your example.

    15:08-15:13

    So what do your children see in the way you handle things like anger, frustration?

    15:13-15:14

    How do your children see you handling that?

    15:15-15:17

    I remember years and years and years ago we had foster kids.

    15:19-15:23

    I was teaching my one foster kid how to play the PlayStation or whatever, I can't remember what game he was playing.

    15:24-15:25

    He wasn't even mad.

    15:25-15:28

    I don't even know what was going on, but he just, he took the controller and threw it.

    15:29-15:36

    He goes, "Oh, your pee stinks!" And we're like, "Your pee stinks?" Then it hit me what he was doing.

    15:37-15:54

    He saw me playing some stupid game and my guy got killed or whatever, and I threw my controller down and I said, "Oh, for Pete's sakes." He thought I said, "Oh, your pee stinks." And my point is, he had no idea what I was doing why I was doing it, but he was imitating that.

    15:56-15:57

    Like this is what we do.

    15:57-16:01

    When the game's not working how we want it to work, we throw it down and we comment on the smell of our urine.

    16:02-16:03

    Well, your pee stinks.

    16:05-16:06

    He saw the example.

    16:07-16:08

    Boy, was that convicting for me.

    16:10-16:11

    He's watching.

    16:12-16:14

    Even the little things.

    16:15-16:16

    Your kids see how you handle giving.

    16:17-16:18

    The example you set in giving.

    16:20-16:22

    whether it's to that needy neighbor, to the church, whoever.

    16:23-16:28

    Your kids see how generous you are, or how generous you aren't, or how generous you want people to think you are.

    16:29-16:29

    Your kids see that.

    16:32-16:32

    Thankfulness.

    16:34-16:35

    We're talking about being an example.

    16:36-16:37

    Your kids see how thankful you are.

    16:39-16:42

    You're constantly walking around, "Everything stinks.

    16:42-16:43

    Everything stinks in Washington.

    16:44-16:45

    Everything stinks in my job.

    16:45-16:51

    Everything stinks in my church." And they never hear, "You know, we have so much to be thankful or look at how God's provided.

    16:51-16:55

    Yeah, things are tough sometimes, but look at how God has provided for us.

    16:55-16:57

    We should thank him for that.

    16:58-16:59

    Let me see your example.

    17:00-17:01

    A conflict resolution.

    17:03-17:04

    Conflict resolution.

    17:04-17:05

    Your kids see how you do that.

    17:05-17:12

    You have a conflict with somebody in the church, in the workplace, in the family, willing to talk about it, willing to sit down.

    17:13-17:17

    Do they see you do like so many do, just like I'm walking away, I'm not gonna have a conversation about it.

    17:17-17:19

    I'm gonna pretend that this person doesn't exist.

    17:19-17:23

    writing them off. That's what a lot of people do when it comes to conflict resolution.

    17:25-18:15

    You're discipling your kids how to handle conflict by your example. Instead you say well here's what the Bible says about handling conflict. Matthew 18, Jesus gives us step by step. Here's how we should do this so let's go after that. Be an example. How should a parent teach? We're asking questions, we're being an example. The third thing is by intentionally conducting a family worship time or some type of Bible teaching, discipleship, worship time in the home, whatever you want to call it, I encourage you to try a variety of things. Whether it's discussing the sermon, maybe your child takes notes, like, "Hey, what are like three things you heard in the sermon today that really hit you?" Or stuff that you're like, "Wow, I really never heard that before." Or there's some things in the sermon you're like, "I'm not I'm pretty sure I agree with that.

    18:18-18:19

    The Harvest Kids lessons.

    18:21-18:25

    Mandy's been putting some stuff together for older kids to take home and work through with their parents.

    18:26-18:27

    That's an opportunity for discipling your kids.

    18:27-18:29

    That's the way the church is helping do that.

    18:31-18:38

    Whether it's learning Bible verses, discussing current events, seeing things on the news, and how does that line up with the Bible.

    18:39-18:47

    I brought a couple things I wanted to show you today, actually, just a couple of things that we do in our home.

    18:49-18:53

    This is one, first of all, that I've done in Pioneer Club.

    18:53-18:55

    Brooke, you probably remember this.

    18:55-18:56

    Remember the Bible memory verse?

    18:56-18:58

    I used to do this in the whiteboard at Pioneer Club.

    18:58-19:01

    I do this at home in memorizing scripture with Cade.

    19:03-19:04

    Cade knows a ton of scripture.

    19:05-19:08

    And what we do is I just write the verse on the whiteboard.

    19:08-19:10

    This is one of my favorite verses because this is one that I need a lot.

    19:11-19:17

    I actually had this on the wall of my office in my old church because this is one that the Lord's really taught me so much.

    19:18-19:26

    Proverbs 19, 11, "Good sense makes one slow to anger, "and it is his glory to overlook an offense." Like, we all need that verse, don't we?

    19:26-19:28

    Proverbs has so many great verses to teach.

    19:29-19:34

    I would say probably, you look at Cage verses, probably the biggest percentage of verses he has memorized from the book of Proverbs.

    19:35-19:38

    But good sense makes one slow to anger, and his glory to overlook an offense.

    19:39-19:46

    So what I do, we'll go through it, I'll have him say it, and then I'll say it, and I'll have him say it, and I'll go through it, I'll just start taking out words.

    19:47-19:55

    Like good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

    19:56-20:02

    And then we'll go back through, okay, say it, then we'll go back through again, and I'll take out more words and put more blanks.

    20:03-20:07

    So by the time we go through this a few times, we take out more words and it's nothing but blanks.

    20:08-20:12

    Then we erase all the blanks and he has the verse.

    20:12-20:25

    And I usually get some little prize, something from, you know, whether the dollar store, five below, you know, the dollar store for rich people, or, you know, we have some kind of little prize or something as a reward, but we'll memorize this verse.

    20:28-20:31

    And we don't just, we don't just stop there.

    20:31-20:32

    We memorize the verse, I wrote on my cell phone.

    20:34-20:38

    We would talk about that verse in the car, whether it was on the way to school.

    20:39-20:41

    Hey, what's your verse this week?

    20:41-20:46

    Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook and offense.

    20:46-20:47

    What does that mean?

    20:47-20:48

    Let's take a look at the first part, Kate.

    20:48-20:49

    What does the first part of that mean?

    20:49-20:51

    Good sense makes one slow to anger.

    20:52-20:53

    It means I shouldn't get mad right away.

    20:53-20:55

    It means I shouldn't lose my temper.

    20:55-20:59

    It means that I should stop and slow down instead of just like flying off the handle.

    20:59-21:01

    Good sense makes one slow to anger.

    21:01-21:03

    It's his glory to overlook and offense.

    21:03-21:03

    What does that mean?

    21:04-21:06

    It means everything doesn't have to make me mad, right?

    21:06-21:10

    And we'll talk about that verse in the car or on our walks or whatever.

    21:10-21:13

    What's your verse this week? What's your verse this week, Kate?

    21:13-21:16

    What's your verse this week? And we'll talk about what that means.

    21:17-21:20

    Something else that we do, we pick this up at the Family Christian store.

    21:20-21:22

    This is like this giant Bible comic book.

    21:23-21:31

    And we'll take a story, and we're working through this now, actually, and we'll read a section. And then I'll ask questions.

    21:31-21:35

    I'll be like, if you get three out of five questions, we got a prize for you or whatever.

    21:36-21:40

    And, but we read through this comic book together, different chunks.

    21:40-21:45

    You understand what's happening here, what's going on, who are the main stories, what's happening.

    21:45-21:54

    But these are just a couple of the things that we have done in order to teach the children about the Lord in our own home.

    21:56-21:58

    I know somebody might be saying, well, what do you do for Owen?

    21:59-22:02

    Because he doesn't really talk or interact much.

    22:03-22:07

    And something that I've done with Owen, something we've done with Owen is just going on prayer walks with him.

    22:08-22:12

    We'll walk and I'll pray for him, I'll pray over him.

    22:12-22:14

    And then on the way back, I'll share the gospel with him.

    22:15-22:16

    Like, well, what does he say?

    22:16-22:17

    He doesn't say anything.

    22:18-22:19

    Like, and why do you do that?

    22:19-22:22

    I'll tell you why I do that, because I believe Romans 1:16.

    22:23-22:28

    It says, "I'm not ashamed of the gospel, "for it is the power of God." Do you believe the gospel is the power of God?

    22:28-22:33

    I figure exposing him even to the gospel is exposing him to the power of God.

    22:34-22:36

    And we would walk and just share the gospel with him.

    22:37-22:38

    Oh, and do you know how much God loves you?

    22:38-22:40

    Do you know that Jesus died for you?

    22:41-22:45

    Do you know that Jesus rose from the dead so that we can have eternal life?

    22:45-22:47

    I'll just share the gospel with him.

    22:47-22:47

    Just lay it out for him.

    22:49-22:53

    And I don't know how much of that's being retained, absorbed, I don't know.

    22:54-22:56

    But I know that he's being exposed to the gospel.

    22:57-22:58

    Okay?

    22:58-23:01

    So, just accordingly for your house.

    23:02-23:06

    So, that's how, that's how a parent's to teach, right?

    23:06-23:17

    You've got asking questions, you know, evaluating life circumstances, being an example, secondly, by intentionally conducting some sort of a family worship.

    23:18-23:20

    So, what is a parent to teach?

    23:22-23:23

    I'll finish up with this.

    23:23-23:24

    What is a parent to teach?

    23:27-23:29

    These are specific things to teach your children.

    23:29-23:31

    Now, I'm going to give you an age breakdown here in a second.

    23:33-23:44

    Before I do that, I'm going to say all ages, all ages, you should be teaching your child what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ or how to be saved.

    23:44-23:46

    You should be teaching that to your child at all ages.

    23:48-23:50

    What does it mean to be a follower of Christ?

    23:50-23:55

    You should be teaching your child at all ages that the Word of God is the standard of truth.

    23:57-23:58

    Okay, now let's get really specific.

    24:01-24:12

    Some of the following comes from Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and The Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp, and there's some other things added in there.

    24:13-24:21

    But the primary focus we're going to look at in each of these age groups is simply the big picture, the thing that you wanna focus on, the key area that I need you to emphasize.

    24:24-24:27

    And there's going to be some degree of overlap for each of the ages.

    24:30-24:32

    But first of all, let's look at children for the first five years.

    24:34-24:42

    If that's you, if you have children five and under, you're like, "Well, what should I be focusing on?" You should be teaching them obedience.

    24:45-24:48

    Being a person under authority.

    24:50-24:55

    Those first five years of life, you should teach your children obedience, what it means to be under authority.

    24:56-24:59

    Ephesians 6 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

    24:59-25:04

    Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with a promise.

    25:05-25:14

    The Paul says, "Of the ten commandments, the first one that had a promise attached to it was about honoring your parents, about obeying your parents." What does it mean to obey your parents?

    25:15-25:26

    It means submission to God's authority through your parents that causes that child to do what he or she is told immediately without excuse, complaint, or question.

    25:27-25:34

    And parents, that's something I really want to commend to you, is to teach your child immediate obedience.

    25:35-25:36

    Immediate obedience.

    25:37-25:38

    Because you know what we do? We've all done it.

    25:39-25:40

    We've all done it.

    25:41-25:42

    Get over here.

    25:43-25:44

    Get over, one.

    25:45-25:46

    Get over here, one, two.

    25:47-25:48

    What, two and a half?

    25:49-25:50

    Two and three quarters?

    25:51-25:52

    Two and seven eighths?

    25:52-25:54

    I mean, haven't we all done that?

    25:54-25:54

    I've done that.

    25:56-25:57

    What are you teaching your child there?

    25:57-25:59

    You're teaching your child, oh, mom's really mad.

    26:00-26:03

    That means I have about 15 seconds or so before she gets serious.

    26:04-26:06

    You should be teaching your child immediate obedience.

    26:07-26:10

    Like when mom and dad says to do something, I should do it immediately.

    26:11-26:13

    I should be listening and do it immediately.

    26:15-26:17

    The first five years, focus on that.

    26:19-26:20

    Listen to what I'm saying.

    26:20-26:21

    Act immediately.

    26:23-26:27

    Youth ages 6 to 12-- and I'm going through these things very quickly.

    26:27-26:29

    We could spend weeks and weeks and weeks in this stuff.

    26:29-26:31

    I'm just trying to give you the flyby, OK?

    26:32-26:36

    Youth ages 6 to 12, you need to be teaching character qualities.

    26:37-26:42

    Children in this age group are capable of learning quickly and learning a lot.

    26:42-26:50

    Children in this age group have a lot of questions and are able now to interact with and apply truth.

    26:52-27:00

    And also, children in this age group are capable of very quickly establishing habits and very quickly able to break habits.

    27:01-27:01

    OK?

    27:02-27:05

    So your kid is like age 6 to 12.

    27:07-27:10

    So easy to start and so easy to break habits.

    27:10-27:12

    to go after that, character qualities.

    27:12-27:15

    You should be going after character qualities like what?

    27:15-27:20

    I have a list literally of, I think there's like 30 specific ones on that list.

    27:20-27:21

    I'm just going to give you four specific.

    27:23-27:25

    If you want more information, I can give you as much as you want.

    27:26-27:28

    What character qualities, what kind of character qualities?

    27:28-27:29

    You should be teaching attentiveness.

    27:31-27:31

    Attentiveness.

    27:33-27:35

    Attentiveness means showing respect for a person.

    27:35-27:38

    When somebody's talking to you, you look at them.

    27:40-27:42

    You listen to what they're saying. You answer appropriately.

    27:45-27:50

    I encourage children and parents to disciple their children, especially when talking to adults, to use Mr. and Mrs.

    27:51-27:53

    "Oh, that's so old-fashioned." You know what? It's respectful.

    27:54-27:54

    It's respectful.

    27:56-27:59

    To refer to people Mr., Mrs., Pastor, whatever.

    28:00-28:01

    It's respectful.

    28:02-28:04

    We're working on that in our home.

    28:06-28:12

    You know, the other day, I guess it was more of a week or two ago, Cade called me old timer or something like that.

    28:15-28:17

    Which at the time, to my shame, I just kind of brushed off.

    28:18-28:19

    Until I heard him call somebody else that.

    28:20-28:21

    Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

    28:22-28:23

    Not so cute then.

    28:25-28:26

    Even though he had no idea really what he was saying.

    28:26-28:27

    It happened in the lobby.

    28:29-28:34

    The church, he was greeting people and an elderly gentleman came and he goes, oh, hi, you're very old.

    28:35-28:36

    Like, no, no, no.

    28:37-28:37

    Respect.

    28:38-28:39

    Teach your children respect.

    28:40-28:41

    Attentiveness.

    28:43-28:46

    Put your phone down and look them in the eye and talk to them.

    28:46-28:47

    Attentiveness.

    28:48-28:50

    You should be teaching your children initiative.

    28:51-28:51

    Initiative.

    28:52-28:55

    You should be teaching your children, look, see what needs done.

    28:55-28:59

    And you should be able to start doing it without being told.

    29:01-29:02

    We're working on that with our kids.

    29:04-29:34

    feeding your animals taking the garbage when you see the garbage is full and it's your job to take the garbage out i shouldn't have to tell you what the garbage is full you should be able to see what you're not each children initiative here's another one contentment teacher children contentment realizing god has provided everything i need for my present happiness That's the tough one to teach your kids because the world is bombarding them with this.

    29:34-29:46

    You gotta get the new, you gotta get the iPhone 9 or whatever and the iPad 6 and the PlayStation 7 or whatever. Like there's, you always have to get the biggest, next, newest, and...

    29:49-29:52

    How about teach your children contentment? Look, God's giving you everything.

    29:53-29:56

    God's giving you everything you need to be happy.

    29:58-30:01

    The same vein. You should be teaching your children gratefulness.

    30:02-30:04

    Teach your children gratefulness.

    30:06-30:09

    Making known to God and to others in what ways they've benefited my life.

    30:10-30:17

    Gratefulness. God, I am thankful for what you have done and express that to others. Hey, thank you.

    30:19-30:28

    Like when our kids get something, when our kids get a gift, we make them write a thank you for it before they use the gift. Why? You need to learn how to be grateful.

    30:29-30:32

    Let's just take that for granted. Grateful.

    30:34-30:37

    Okay, ages 6 to 12, go after character qualities.

    30:39-30:47

    Then finally, teens, ages 13 to 18, I would encourage you to teach preparation for adulthood.

    30:49-30:55

    Kids in this age group, kids, they're not even kids, you know, the the whole teenage thing is a fabrication.

    30:57-31:05

    We have in our culture this idea that there are kids and there are teenagers and there are adults, but that's not really true biblically, is it?

    31:05-31:06

    What do we see biblically?

    31:06-31:08

    There's two categories, aren't there?

    31:08-31:09

    There's kids and there's what?

    31:10-31:10

    Adults.

    31:11-31:19

    You don't see this, well, there's this transition where you rebel and you don't take a bath and you listen to weird music or whatever.

    31:19-31:21

    We call those the teenage years.

    31:21-31:23

    And that is a complete fabrication.

    31:25-31:26

    I hear people laughing.

    31:26-31:27

    Did I strike a nerve there?

    31:28-31:29

    Too far? Too much?

    31:31-31:32

    I'm not talking about our kids.

    31:32-31:34

    I'm talking about other people's teenagers.

    31:36-31:37

    Unless it applies here.

    31:37-31:40

    But there's children and there's adults, biblically.

    31:41-31:47

    So we need to be teaching people in the teenage years, look, you're not some irresponsible, air-headed idiot.

    31:47-32:22

    You are a young adult and you need to act like it you're going to be treated like it. You're an adult. And right now in these years you are becoming the man and the woman you're going to be for the rest of your life. There's some adult things to instill in this person during this season because this is the season really the bow is really drawn right. You know we've been spending the time when they were kids getting it straight and it's these teenage years that we're pulling it back and we're ready to fire and you You better make sure of some things.

    32:25-32:37

    So if you have teenagers, and I'm sure Dan and Alicia would echo these things, because this is what they teach the kids in Arrow, four things, so much more, but just four things I want to commend to you.

    32:37-32:41

    First of all, to apply the Word of God in decision-making.

    32:43-32:46

    They're at an age that they're able to start doing some of this themselves.

    32:47-32:49

    See life from God's point of view.

    32:49-32:56

    Apply His Word, looking at the long view, understanding that decisions that I make now have a long range impact.

    32:58-33:01

    Learn now, apply the Word of God in decision making.

    33:04-33:11

    Let it be, it's so funny, I was working on this and then we went to men's group, our kickoff for men's group last Wednesday and this was the whole lesson.

    33:13-33:15

    Here's something you need to teach your teenagers.

    33:15-33:17

    Find their identity in Christ.

    33:19-33:20

    find their identity in Christ.

    33:21-33:24

    Not your job, not your abilities.

    33:25-33:28

    And here's a big one for teenagers, not your friends, okay?

    33:29-33:31

    You are not who your friends think you are, okay?

    33:31-33:39

    The sum total of your persona is not, well, this is who my friends think I am, or my friends define me.

    33:41-33:42

    Teach them to find their identity in Christ.

    33:42-33:43

    Here's who Christ says you are.

    33:45-33:48

    Here's what a born again child of God is according to His word.

    33:49-33:50

    Find your identity in Christ.

    33:50-33:55

    And speaking of friends, letter C, to make wise choices in the areas of friendship and companions.

    33:57-34:00

    This is a big one that they're going to take with them the rest of their lives.

    34:00-34:04

    But 1 Corinthians 15.33, Paul says, "Do not be deceived.

    34:05-34:13

    "Bad company corrupts good morals." You need to make wise choices in the people you hang out with.

    34:15-34:16

    The teenagers look around.

    34:17-34:19

    Look around your friends.

    34:19-34:21

    Are all your friends knuckleheads?

    34:23-34:26

    I say this on the authority of God's word, you're probably a knucklehead too.

    34:28-34:30

    Why? Because bad company corrupts good morals.

    34:32-34:43

    When you surround yourself, I know this is true for me, when you surround yourself with people who love the Lord, love God's word, want to pursue Christ, when I'm around those people it makes me want to do that more.

    34:44-34:46

    You become like the people you hang out with.

    34:47-35:13

    That's reality. You need to make wise choices. Find people that are going to encourage you in your walk with Christ. Hang out with those people. Here's a big one. Not gonna get through a sermon like this without talking about this one, right? To be strong against sexual temptation. Parents are like, "No, I don't want to teach my kids that." Well, guess what? Somebody's going to teach your kids.

    35:13-35:15

    Would you like it to be you?

    35:16-35:18

    Or would you like it to be their friends?

    35:18-35:20

    Would you like it to be the school?

    35:22-35:24

    Somebody's going to teach your child about sex.

    35:26-35:38

    Or your child's going to grow up with this idea that, "Oh, sex is a bad thing, and we don't talk about sex." "My church says that sex is this evil, forbidden thing." No, sex is a wonderful thing in its right context.

    35:39-35:40

    You need to teach your kids that.

    35:40-35:42

    Sex is a great thing. It's one of the greatest things that God created.

    35:43-35:48

    You're going to use it in the way that he created it in order to maximize the joy and fulfillment that you get from it.

    35:49-35:54

    Instead, people take this awesome gift and they misuse it and distort it and turn it into something wrong.

    35:56-36:01

    So teach your child to be strong against sexual temptation.

    36:02-36:23

    And we might be at this point in the sermon and you see your marching orders, you see how to teach, you see what to teach, and there's somebody here right now, right now somebody saying, "I changed my mind. I don't want this job." Well, guess what? If you have kids, you don't have a choice. You have a job. You are a disciple.

    36:26-36:54

    So the question is not, "Are you a teacher?" The question is, "What kind of a teacher are you?" The question is not, "Are you a disciple maker in the home?" The issue is, "What kind of disciple maker are you in your home?" So we got the "who?" It's you, parents. We got the "why?" Because your child is like an arrow.

    36:56-36:58

    And "A," how and what?

    36:59-37:00

    Are you teaching your kids?

    37:01-37:01

    Pray.

    37:03-37:18

    Father in heaven, We can look at this task almost like your Word talks about the competency for ministry, and we can ask who is sufficient for these things, and the truth is none of us are.

    37:19-37:29

    None of us are. None of us in this room have the creativity, the intelligence, the personality, the whatever to do this on our own, Father. We need you.

    37:32-37:35

    And I pray, Father, I pray for every parent in this room.

    37:35-37:39

    I pray for those who couldn't be with us today due to illness or whatever.

    37:39-37:49

    I pray, Father, we would see our role as parenting as more than just babysitting or keeping kids protected and fed until they go out into the world.

    37:50-37:54

    But it's our job to be intentionally teaching them.

    37:55-38:17

    And I know with a sermon like this, there's so many more things that we could have said. But I pray Father, it's my prayer Father that this was just enough to get parents digging even deeper. To have a bit of a wake-up call to what this responsibility entails and that they're going to pursue even more.

    38:20-38:37

    And yes, we've all failed. We thank you for the grace that you've already Father, by the power of Your promise, by the power of Your Spirit, we will try again today.

    38:39-38:41

    In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Deuteronomy 6:7, Philippians 4:9, Ephesians 6:1-2

  1. Part of fulfilling the command to "go make disciples" is teaching your own children. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

  2. Discuss specific ways you are actively teaching your children. If you are not currently doing anything, or if your children are still babies, what ways are you going to implement teaching in your home?

  3. What's the best way to teach/encourage your child to receive Christ as Lord and Savior? At what age (of the child) should you start? How do you know when s/he has received Jesus?

Breakout Questions:

Pray for yourself, as a parent to see yourself as a disciple-maker. Discuss how you can do
this better than you currently are. What 3 changes are you going to make?

Parenting on Purpose - Part 2

The Team: Mom and Dad Unite!

Review and Intro:

Psalm 146:9 - The Lord protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow.

James 1:27 - This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Deuteronomy 10:18 - He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.

  1. A Message for Married Couples:

    Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


  2. A Word for Fathers: Do not provoke your kids, bring them up.

    Ephesians 6:4 - Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.


    How to provoke...

    1. Discipline in anger

      James 1:20 - for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.


    2. Compare your children to siblings or others (favoritism)

      2 Corinthians 10:12 - Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.


    3. Chastise your child in front of others

      Matthew 18:15 - If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.


    4. Make fun of the child / call him names

      Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.


    5. Have unrealistic expectations

      2 Peter 3:18 - But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.


    ...how to bring them up.

    1. Make time to talk / Interact

      Ephesians 5:16 - making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.


    2. Be consistent with discipline

      Proverbs 13:24 - Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.


    3. Admit when you are wrong

      Proverbs 28:13 - Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.


    4. Look for ways to praise the child

      Romans 13:7 - Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.


    5. Keep your promises

      Matthew 5:33 - Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.'


  3. A Word for Mothers: Make your home ordered and holy.

    Titus 2:4-5 - train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.


    Make your home ordered...

    ...and make your home holy.

    Romans 12:2 - Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.


    Moms: Embrace two areas of responsibility for a holy home:

    1. Guard the home environment.

    2. Teach them how to filter everything through the Word of God.

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:03

    So this morning, Erin comes in and wakes me up.

    00:05-00:06

    I can hear a little bit of an urgency in her voice.

    00:07-00:12

    She said, "Hey, hey, it's 8 o'clock." And I was so out of it.

    00:14-00:43

    She's like, "It's 8 o'clock, come on, come on, what are you doing?" I'm like, "What do we need to do? What's going on?" She's like, "Church?" I said, "Oh yeah, it is Sunday." I'm going to be honest with you, the next thought I had was, we're having this membership class tonight, and I thought, I'm going to have time for a nap this afternoon before the membership class.

    00:44-00:55

    Now, can we just stop and acknowledge how pathetic that is, that I'm not even out of bed, and the thing that I'm looking forward to the most is when I can go back?

    00:57-01:00

    And parenting has taken it out of me.

    01:02-01:05

    My life is being destroyed by an army that I created myself.

    01:08-01:11

    And that's about the right assessment of parenthood at times, isn't it?

    01:12-01:14

    Can I get an amen from any other parent here?

    01:15-01:16

    Okay, thank you.

    01:16-01:17

    Just leave me up here.

    01:19-01:22

    So we're doing this series called Parenting on Purpose.

    01:23-01:25

    And last week was Ready, Aim, Fire.

    01:28-01:29

    Ready.

    01:31-01:34

    Most important thing is your walk with Jesus Christ.

    01:36-01:43

    Acknowledging that your children are sinners by nature and acknowledging that the Bible is your source of authority.

    01:44-01:46

    So you have to start with that foundation.

    01:46-01:46

    Aim.

    01:46-01:48

    You have to have a plan.

    01:48-01:49

    Okay, we talk about parenting.

    01:49-01:50

    What's our goal?

    01:50-01:53

    We don't know what our goal is, we're not going to know if we hit it.

    01:55-01:57

    Our goal is to make disciples.

    01:59-02:02

    Or reproduce ourselves, so to speak.

    02:02-02:06

    You're like, "Well, I had a kid, that is reproducing myself." I mean spiritually.

    02:08-02:08

    Reproducing yourself.

    02:11-02:11

    Fire.

    02:13-03:22

    We talked last week about going after the heart and tearing down idols Jesus Christ. Today we're going to talk about the team. Today we're going to talk about the team. And just like being people from Pittsburgh, how proud we are to talk about our team when we're traveling, right? And somebody finds out you're from Pittsburgh and the conversation drifts to football. You're pretty proud of the team that you're on. And I can tell you standing before you today that I am proud of the team that I am on. And I our home. I have the world's greatest teammate in Erin. I do. She's the best. I could not imagine doing life with anyone else and I certainly couldn't imagine trying to parent these children with anyone else. Several years ago Erin was out shopping and when I say out shopping. Erin never shops for herself, right? It was like grocery shopping, right?

    03:22-04:21

    So she's out shopping and I was home with the kids and I can't remember what Cade was doing, but I'm just gonna assume it was tormenting his brother because that's usually what he gets in trouble for. But Cade was in trouble and I just put a chair in the middle of the living room and I said, "Just sit in the chair until you can calm yourself down." Well, if you tell Cade to sit down until he can calm himself down the opposite effect sort of happens he sat in that chair and screamed for an hour straight like oh that's terrible all I can especially when he was we little we drove the entire way from Chicago one time an eight and a half hour trip he screamed all of it except for one hour so anyways this particular day he's sitting in the chair in the middle just scream scream scream and I'm sitting at the dining room table when I was trying I was trying to do some church work, but that wasn't happening, because somebody won't stop screaming, and I'm like, you know what, I'm just going to ignore him.

    04:23-04:25

    So he screamed, screamed, screamed, screamed, screamed.

    04:27-04:29

    Well, then Erin came home.

    04:30-04:32

    And she walked in, and he's screaming.

    04:33-04:56

    He had that little almost look of recognition in his eyes, or this thought of, "Oh, Mom's going to rescue me." And she walks in, and she walks up beside screaming Cade, and Aaron goes, "Are we having a screaming party?" So Aaron sits on the chair beside him, and she starts screaming.

    04:57-05:05

    Of course, this makes Cade mad, so now he's screaming even more and even louder, and Aaron kind of thinks this is funny, so she's screaming louder.

    05:05-05:18

    So now both of them are sitting on the chair in the middle of the living room, just going, "Ahh, ahh, ahh!" And truth be told, it was probably 20 seconds, but it seemed like about four hours.

    05:18-05:28

    But after this went on, Cade kind of settled down and he looked at Aaron, and he looked over at me, still sitting at the table.

    05:28-05:29

    Then he looked at Aaron.

    05:29-05:33

    He looked back at me, wiping the tears from his face.

    05:33-05:38

    And as dead serious as possible, he said, you're both fired.

    05:40-05:42

    Normally, that's something you don't want to hear.

    05:44-05:45

    To be honest with you, that day I was glad.

    05:46-05:48

    I'm like, I don't have to be your dad anymore?

    05:49-05:49

    Fantastic.

    05:51-05:52

    And Aaron's like, OK, we're fired.

    05:52-05:53

    So we went.

    05:53-05:55

    We went and sat on the couch and watched TV.

    05:56-06:00

    You know how long we were fired until he came back and wanted to hire us back?

    06:00-06:01

    Do you know how long that lasted?

    06:03-06:10

    It was something like 10 or 15 minutes until he was thirsty or hungry or whatever and couldn't reach.

    06:10-06:17

    and then he rehired us and we got a new contract and renegotiated some things and really put some things in there to protect us as parents.

    06:20-06:29

    But the point of all of that is this, you're part of the team and the team works together.

    06:30-06:32

    And I was so thankful that day.

    06:32-06:34

    The reason, that's the reason I tell you the stories.

    06:34-06:39

    Aaron didn't come in to undo whatever was already happening.

    06:40-06:41

    He was in timeout for a reason.

    06:42-06:45

    She didn't come in and say, "Oh, you get off the chair.

    06:45-06:52

    It's okay. Would you like some ice cream?" She didn't allow him to play us off of each other.

    06:55-06:57

    So we're gonna talk about the team today.

    06:57-07:00

    Mom and dad, God's design for the home.

    07:01-07:04

    But before we talk about the team, I do need to say this.

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    As we talk about mom and dad in this structure, This does not mean that if you don't have the nuclear family, that you're on a lesser plan in life.

    07:21-07:22

    I want you to understand that.

    07:22-07:24

    Do you know what a nuclear family is?

    07:24-07:27

    I haven't heard that term in about 30 years.

    07:28-07:29

    Do people still use that term?

    07:32-07:44

    Some people feel like when we're going into a series, like some people might feel like, Due to life circumstances, our house isn't structured with dad and mom and children.

    07:44-07:53

    And some families are fatherless or motherless due to divorce or abandonment or sickness or death.

    07:55-08:05

    Some people sort of feel like, "Oh, this stuff doesn't really apply to me or I'm on on some kind of a lesser plan, or God has a lesser regard for me.

    08:08-08:27

    But I need to say this, God's love for you - if this applies to you, if this applies to you, that for some reason there's a fatherless or motherless situation in your home, for whatever reason, if this applies to you, God's love for you is not less.

    08:29-08:48

    special. God's love for you is at last according to God's word. There is a special sense of compassion and protection that God has for people like you. And I had a whole list of verses I chopped some out for the sake of time.

    08:48-09:25

    But here's a few of them. First of all, Psalm 146 verse 9. The Lord protects the strangers. He supports the fatherless and the widow. James 1 27. This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father. To visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. Deuteronomy 10 18. He executes justice for the fatherless, and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.

    09:27-09:29

    Many many many more verses.

    09:30-09:41

    But I want you to understand, if for some reason you don't have the team as we are going to be looking at today, God's love for you is special.

    09:43-09:56

    primary care to the widows and orphans is done through the church. And I can say as a pastor I am proud of the way that I have seen this church rally around and love such people.

    09:59-10:36

    But today we're going to be looking at the mom and dad team. And on any team, every team member needs to have a defined role and work to carry out the role. For example, Pittsburgh Pirates. What would happen if during the middle of a game, Pirates are in the field, and Cervelli, our catcher, what if he decides right in the I just feel like playing right field right now.

    10:36-10:40

    And he just takes his mask and his stuff off, he just walks right out into right field.

    10:41-10:47

    And Polonka's out there like, "Hey, what's going on?" You know what, I've been playing catcher a lot.

    10:47-10:49

    I'd like to play in the field for a while.

    10:52-10:53

    What if you were watching the Penguins?

    10:55-10:59

    And suddenly Sidney Crosby drops back and stands in the goal.

    11:00-11:00

    What are you doing?

    11:02-11:05

    I'm sort of known for my offense, but I want to take a crack at being the goalie.

    11:07-11:08

    Right in the middle of the game, really?

    11:10-11:18

    Or what if Big Ben, tonight, when you tune in to watch the game, what if every time Big Ben got to football, he just punted it?

    11:19-11:20

    Like, what are you doing?

    11:21-11:25

    It was like, first and ten, or it was second and two.

    11:26-11:28

    And every time he gets the ball, he just kicks it as hard as he can.

    11:28-11:30

    And Ben's like, you know what, I just felt like kicking it today.

    11:31-11:58

    That's all. I throw it a lot. I just felt like kicking it today. You're like, "These scenarios that you're painting are absolutely absurd." Well, married couple, you have God-assigned roles. And more than any other team, you're only going to win if you are unified, if you You play your role and you always think about what's good for the team.

    12:00-12:01

    So three messages today.

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    First of all, message for married couples.

    12:08-12:18

    Message for married couples, letter A. The most important thing you can do for your kids is to love each other.

    12:20-12:23

    You know, we're spending a month talking about parenting.

    12:25-12:39

    Married couples, the most important thing you can do to parent your children is to love your spouse, to be unified, to be devoted.

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    It is so easy for the kids to get all of the attention.

    12:47-12:51

    Look, I know we all have our own situations, right?

    12:52-12:53

    You've got ours, you've got yours.

    12:53-12:56

    In our particular situation, our children have some developmental issues.

    12:57-13:02

    And I'm saying it is so easy for our kids to get all the attention in the home because they're so needy.

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    And it's just so easy to get into this mindset that everything in the home has to revolve around the needs of the kids.

    13:12-13:15

    I'd like to remind you Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24.

    13:17-13:21

    You know, Greg Hederman and Maggie Gates got married yesterday.

    13:23-13:25

    And we talked about this very verse.

    13:28-13:39

    Genesis 2.24 says, "Therefore for this purpose a man shall leave his father and mother and shall hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." And that verse is really talking about a couple of relationships.

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    is talking about the marriage relationship, that's why we talked about it yesterday.

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    And the marriage relationship is intended to be this lifelong, forever, permanent, inseparable union. But you see in that same verse, there's another relationship that's being discussed.

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    For this purpose, a man shall leave his father and mother. That's the parent-child relationship.

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    And what that verse is saying is, at some point, that relationship takes a different There's a separation that has to take place.

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    Marriage, inseparable.

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    Parenting, eventually separate.

    14:20-14:26

    So the point is this, when you define the roles, the role in parenting is temporary.

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    But the role in marriage is permanent.

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    That's why your spouse must come before your kids.

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    I'll say that again, give you a chance to write that down.

    14:41-14:43

    Your spouse must come before your kids.

    14:46-14:49

    Too many times the home is centered around the kids.

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    Not only is that unbiblical, but you're training your kids to sort of evaluate all of life that way.

    14:58-15:00

    Everything revolves around me.

    15:00-15:03

    We have a whole generation of people coming up right now that think that.

    15:05-15:16

    When it comes to parenting your kids, the most important thing you can do for your kids is to love each other, be devoted, be unified.

    15:18-15:23

    Do your part, do your role, and support your spouse in doing their part.

    15:23-15:31

    You're like, "Well, what is my part?" That's what we're going to spend some time on this morning, letter B, the word for fathers.

    15:34-15:41

    A word for fathers, and the word biblically is this, do not provoke your kids, bring them up.

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    Do not provoke your kids, but bring them up.

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    So dads, I'm talking to you now.

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    Your word is in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4.

    15:57-16:13

    It says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." First of all, look at that phrase, "bring them up." In the Greek tense, that's continuous action.

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    Meaning it's something that has to constantly be happening.

    16:18-16:22

    Meaning, dads, you're not doing your job.

    16:23-16:35

    If your idea of being a dad is, "Well, I help out my wife on Saturdays, and that's my contribution to the parenting." Be bringing them up.

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    This should be constantly happening.

    16:38-16:41

    And in our culture especially, dads tend to neglect.

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    Dads seem to think, "Well, that's mom's job to raise the kids." And they detach.

    16:49-16:55

    And it's, honestly, it's much easier for men to do that.

    16:56-17:03

    And that's why, you know, the Bible addresses this particular admonition to dads, not to moms.

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    Do you know why the Bible doesn't say this to moms?

    17:07-17:08

    Because God doesn't have to say this to moms.

    17:09-17:18

    There's no danger really of moms not having this longing to be bringing up their kids.

    17:20-17:24

    That's very natural for moms, but dads tend to neglect.

    17:25-17:29

    So here's the word for you dads, do not provoke, but bring them up.

    17:30-17:33

    Here's four wrong attitudes that dads adopt in parenting.

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    Four wrong attitudes that dads adopt in parenting.

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    Listen up, men, we've all been there.

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    I've said some of these things, I've thought some of these things, even if I haven't said them out loud.

    17:45-17:47

    So guys, let's get real here, okay?

    17:48-17:50

    Four wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting.

    17:50-17:52

    First of all, I work all day.

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    I've earned the right to take it easy when I come home.

    17:55-17:57

    I'm not gonna ask you to raise your hands.

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    But the truth is, ladies, if I asked the men to raise their hands, if they ever thought that, guy in this room would put their hand up if they were being honest. I worked all day. I worked all day. When I come home, I should be able to kick back. I should, I have the right to take it easy when I come home. And what do you think mom's been doing all day, dads? She works outside of the home, she's been working.

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    If she stays home, she's working harder.

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    Four wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting.

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    Second one, along the same lines.

    18:40-18:41

    Here's a wrong attitude.

    18:42-18:46

    I pay the bills, my wife raises the kids.

    18:48-18:49

    I pay the bills.

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    I don't know where this Brooklyn accent is coming from.

    18:54-18:56

    For some reason, I'm thinking of this neglectful dad.

    18:56-18:59

    I have like this Brooklyn accent guy in my mind.

    18:59-19:13

    "I pay the bills and my wife raises the kids." Some guys adopt that attitude like, "That's my job." Yeah, Pastor Jeff is right. Pastor Jeff is so right. We're a team.

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    Here's what I bring to the table. I bring the money in.

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    Her job is to raise the kids and never the two shall meet, right?

    19:24-19:25

    I do my job. She does her job.

    19:27-19:44

    wrong attitude. Number three, poor wrong attitudes dads adopt in parenting. I'm too busy to take the time to deal with issues like diapers or bad grades or whatever.

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    I'm too busy. I'm too busy. Here's the last one. I've heard a lot of people say this one. My dad didn't spend much time with me and I turned out okay.

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    What kind of reasoning is that? Well, my dad didn't spend a lot of time with me and I turned out okay. First of all, did you turn out okay?

    20:12-20:14

    like you have a little bit of a rotten attitude in that area.

    20:17-20:28

    But even if, even if that's all true, are you saying your justification for neglecting your job as a parent is because your dad neglected his job?

    20:30-20:33

    Those are wrong attitudes that dads have about parenting.

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    And some dads think that their job is to just knock the kid back in line when the kid gets out of line.

    20:40-20:47

    Like, mom does all the nurturing and teaching and huggy stuff, and my job is when that kid gets out of line, I knock him right back in line.

    20:49-20:50

    Wrong.

    20:51-20:56

    Your job isn't to, dad, your job isn't to knock your kid back on track when he gets off track.

    20:57-21:05

    Your job is to go ahead of your kid and be laying track before him and help keep him or her on that track.

    21:08-21:12

    dad's the father is ultimately responsible for what happens in the home.

    21:14-21:20

    You know we talk about authority and we talk about the you know the man's place has authority in the home and we spend a lot of time talking about that.

    21:21-21:44

    Authority doesn't mean I'm the boss everybody does what I say. Authority means God gave me the responsibility to make decisions that's going to bless and protect the people that he's entrusted under my care. That's what authority means. You know what else it means dads is if there's things screwed up in your home we're looking at you because you're responsible for what happens in the home.

    21:46-22:28

    I tell this to married couples when we do premarital counseling like if you guys run into financial problems and you can't make ends meet you're still living off mom and dad supporting you I say guys I'm looking at you that's your job Same with parenting. My kids are out of control. My kids are rebellious. My kids won't listen. Dads, I'm looking at you because it's your job. Head of the home, that's what that means, right? You're setting the tone. You're making the decisions. You're responsible for what happens. So bring them up and do not Do not provoke.

    22:30-22:31

    Do not provoke.

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    Colossians 3:21 says it this way, "Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged." Here in Ephesians 6, "Do not provoke your children to anger." There's a couple outcomes here when you provoke your children.

    22:49-22:51

    They can be angry or they can be discouraged.

    22:52-22:53

    Neither one very good.

    22:54-22:55

    I'm very healthy for the kid.

    22:58-23:02

    The Bible tells us, dads, this is so convicting for me.

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    Believe me, I'm not standing up here as somebody that has the whole parenting thing figured out and I'm going to school you.

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    I'm standing up here as somebody that has been crushed by this concept.

    23:15-23:25

    And I would rather not preach this, because the amount of conviction that this has been bringing into my life has been almost physically painful, honest with you.

    23:26-23:47

    But dads, you, we, we can parent in such a way that it makes your children angry and discouraged and that doesn't just mean like for the moments like yeah you know junior was ticked off for a half hour what that means is they start cultivating that attitude they carry that they become an angry person do you know somebody that's an angry person?

    23:50-23:52

    Dads can make that happen in their kids.

    23:53-23:54

    Dads can make discouragement.

    23:55-24:01

    You know, people that are just constantly discouraged, the pessimists, the Eeyore, the, you know, "I can't do anything right.

    24:01-24:02

    I'm such a failure.

    24:02-24:03

    I'm such a loser.

    24:03-24:06

    I'm not going to get anywhere in life." Dads can build that in their kids.

    24:09-24:13

    And that's why the Bible says, "Do not provoke your children." What does that mean?

    24:15-24:53

    these things down here's how to provoke here's how to provoke your kids now when I say here's how to provoke your kids obviously we're saying these are things you want to avoid right I don't want anybody going home what you guys talk about in church how's your Jeff taught me how to provoke my kids it was awesome he gave me a list of things it'll get them angry right quick no we're saying these are things to avoid all right how to provoke first of all discipline and anger I'm gonna go through these quickly this be on our website you can go back and listen again. Discipline and anger. James 1 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

    24:54-25:24

    Discipline yes, discipline and anger no. Oh we've all done that. We've all done that. Like I am too angry to wait. I'm gonna lay the hammer down now. Terrible idea. That's the way that your kids will be provoked. They don't see discipline for what God intended it to be. Instead, they see what you think is discipline as, "Boy, dad's really mad and he's taking that out on me." That provokes your children.

    25:25-25:31

    Secondly, how to provoke your children. Compare your children to siblings or to others. Favoritism.

    25:33-25:51

    Second Corinthians chapter 10, verse 12. This is the foolishness of comparing yourselves one with another, not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves, but when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they're without understanding.

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    And the point of all that, Paul's like, you know, people compare one with another, that's just foolishness, it's dumb.

    25:59-26:03

    And when you do that to your kids, you're provoking them.

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    It's certainly going to anger them, and it's definitely going to discourage them.

    26:09-26:10

    Comparing your children to their siblings.

    26:11-26:13

    Why can't you act more like your sister?

    26:13-26:15

    Look at how your sister does it.

    26:17-26:18

    Really? That's what you want to do?

    26:18-26:20

    You want to start a civil war in your house?

    26:22-26:25

    Or compare your kids to somebody else's kids?

    26:25-26:27

    I think that's almost worse in a way.

    26:30-26:32

    Why can't you be more like the Davidson kids?

    26:36-26:38

    You know the Davidson kids, you know what they're doing?

    26:39-26:41

    You know how many hours a day they practice the piano?

    26:43-26:45

    Do you know how many kittens they rescue from trees or whatever?

    26:48-26:48

    That's discouraging.

    26:49-26:50

    It's provoking.

    26:51-26:53

    It's not taking your kid anywhere any good.

    26:56-26:57

    Thirdly, how to provoke.

    26:58-27:01

    Chastise him or her in front of others.

    27:02-27:07

    You know, Matthew 18 certainly talks about, you know, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.

    27:07-27:10

    Between you and him alone, if he listens to you, you've gained your brother.

    27:11-27:14

    The conflict resolution, it should be one-on-one first, right?

    27:14-27:16

    I think it's a good principle for many reasons.

    27:19-27:25

    And when it comes to your children, you're going to provoke them if you're disciplining them in front of others.

    27:25-27:36

    humiliating for their peers or their siblings to see that. How to provoke.

    27:36-28:00

    Number four, making fun of the child or calling them names. Like I would never do that. This happens a lot more than we realize. If we're not careful, we are guilty of this. Making fun of the child, calling names. Ephesians 4.32 says be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God and Christ forgave you.

    28:01-28:02

    Just belittling the child.

    28:04-28:07

    You know, you're talking to your friend and your child's standing right there.

    28:08-28:09

    You said, "You know what this little idiot did?

    28:11-28:15

    You know what this little moron did?" I've heard parents say this.

    28:16-28:17

    Not funny.

    28:18-28:22

    I've heard parents say, "You know what this little retard did?" Seriously?

    28:23-28:26

    First of all, using that word, not appropriate.

    28:28-28:30

    Your child hearing you say that word, right?

    28:31-28:33

    Calling them that in front of other people?

    28:33-28:39

    What's the matter with you? You don't think that's going to crush their spirit?

    28:42-28:43

    Fifth way, there's so many more.

    28:46-28:49

    We only have so much time. Fifth way, have unrealistic expectations.

    28:51-29:02

    Second Peter 3.18 says, "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." And the truth is, we're always growing. Every one of us, even as adults, we're growing, we're growing.

    29:04-29:06

    Sometimes we forget that with our own kids.

    29:08-29:11

    How many times do we put such unrealistic expectations on our three-year-old?

    29:12-29:19

    Like, "I told you to rinse the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher!" Oh yeah, he's three.

    29:21-29:25

    Can't believe he didn't put the cap back in the oil when you changed the oil in the car.

    29:26-29:27

    Go easy on him, he's four.

    29:29-29:31

    Like we have these unrealistic expectations of our kids.

    29:34-29:35

    And I have been so guilty of that.

    29:37-29:43

    I have been horribly, embarrassingly guilty of that.

    29:46-29:54

    with one of my kids who, because of how he presents, might not appear to have the degree of developmental issues that he does.

    29:56-30:08

    I've been so horribly guilty of having unrealistic expectations, even expectations that, were he a neurotypical 10-year-old, still would be too high.

    30:11-30:13

    Come on, dads, let's get off this provoking thing.

    30:15-30:18

    Instead, bring them up. How to bring them up. These are things we're going to go after.

    30:19-30:19

    Bring them up.

    30:21-30:23

    Number one, make time.

    30:24-30:26

    Make time to talk or interact.

    30:27-30:37

    Ephesians 5.16, "Making the best use of the time because the days are evil." You should be looking for opportunities. You should be making opportunities to interact.

    30:39-30:41

    It's not going to happen by accident.

    30:42-30:46

    anymore than "I hope I go to the gym today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.

    30:47-30:50

    "I hope I go to work today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.

    30:50-30:54

    "I hope I get a shower today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.

    30:55-30:57

    That's why we're calling this series Parenting on Purpose.

    30:58-31:01

    Like, "I hope I spend time with my kids today," it's not going to happen unless you're intentional.

    31:04-31:17

    Whether it's spending time, we're going to play a video game together or I'm going to read to you or we're going to wrestle or we're going to go for a walk or we're gonna, you know, go jump on the trampoline or whatever. Make time to talk, to interact.

    31:20-31:21

    That's how to bring them up.

    31:22-31:33

    Secondly, be consistent with discipline. Proverbs 13 24, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son." Look at this, "but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Diligent!

    31:34-31:35

    So be consistent.

    31:37-31:40

    Third one, admit when you are wrong.

    31:41-32:09

    Admit when you are wrong. Proverbs 28 13 says whoever conceals his transgression will not prosper. He who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Dads, suck it up and admit when you're wrong. Like I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Look, daddy was upset over something that had nothing to do with you and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. Admit when you're wrong.

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    Fourthly, look for ways to praise the child.

    32:14-32:16

    Dads, again, this is for you. I think moms get this.

    32:16-32:18

    I think moms are just natural with that.

    32:19-32:21

    Dads, look for ways to praise the child.

    32:22-32:26

    Romans 13, 7 says, "Pay to all what is owed to them.

    32:26-32:37

    Taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed." Look for ways to praise the child.

    32:38-32:38

    Look for ways.

    32:40-32:53

    Again, dads, we're so tuned to, "We'll see what's wrong and then we'll knock them back in line when they're wrong." And we're not actively looking for things that they're doing with excellence, things that they're doing well.

    32:53-32:55

    Look for opportunities to praise them.

    32:57-33:01

    And lastly, keep your promises.

    33:03-33:03

    Keep your promises.

    33:05-33:14

    Matthew 5:33, "Again, you've heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn." Keep your promises.

    33:16-33:21

    If you say, "Hey, we're going to play ball when dad gets home," you better be out in the yard playing ball.

    33:22-33:22

    Okay?

    33:23-33:26

    If you're going to say, "Honey, I'm going to your dance recital.

    33:26-33:32

    I'm not going to miss it." You better be bleeding from your face to miss that little girl's dance recital.

    33:34-33:37

    And even then, put a band-aid on and get there, but keep your promises.

    33:39-33:39

    Keep your promises.

    33:42-33:45

    So men, recap, don't provoke, but bring them up.

    33:46-33:48

    Finally, I've got a word for moms.

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    I'm not going to spend as much time here.

    33:51-33:54

    Actually, I have a little more experience being a dad than I do being a mom, a little more.

    33:56-33:57

    I do have a word for mothers.

    33:59-34:01

    And that's this, make your home ordered and holy.

    34:03-34:05

    Titus 2, verses 4-5.

    34:08-34:40

    tells Titus in the conducting affairs in the church, he talks about the older women and the roles of the older women and the younger women, but look what he says specifically, "Train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be reviled, submissive to their own husbands.

    34:41-34:45

    You see, God has established roles for the husband /father.

    34:46-34:56

    God's established roles for the wives/mother. And these these roles are never in terms of less important, more important. Like, well, dad has the authority and he's the most important person in the house.

    34:57-35:31

    Just like in the church, we have different roles in ministry but none of us in this room are more important or less important than anyone else that's how it is in the home God has roles for dad and God has roles for mom do things for moms for the day first of all number one make your home ordered ordered God's plan of order is in place so that things run smoothly and as a mother you You must line up your priorities with God's plan of order.

    35:33-35:33

    Okay?

    35:34-35:37

    I think here's where some moms can get some things out of whack.

    35:37-35:43

    All due respect, but I think the order of priority gets a little skewed.

    35:44-35:46

    I think for a lot of moms, number one priority is children.

    35:49-35:51

    Children don't come down to number three on the list, actually.

    35:52-35:54

    Your number one priority is your walk with Christ.

    35:55-35:59

    Your number two priority relationship with your husband, ladies.

    36:01-36:03

    Your third priority is your children.

    36:03-36:07

    And your fourth priority is ministry.

    36:09-36:10

    The fourth priority is ministry.

    36:12-36:16

    I had to put that on the list because some people even bump that one up over the children.

    36:18-36:25

    You're gonna have kids grow up to hate the church if you put ministry as a priority over the kids.

    36:26-36:58

    "Sorry kids, we can't ever do anything that you want to do because of our involvement in the church." That's the case, you are too involved in the church and you need to step down. Kids are like, "We never get to do any of the things that I want to do because we're at church eight days a week." That's a problem. But on the other hand, you don't want to neglect ministry. You Listen, this is important.

    36:58-36:59

    This is the other side of this.

    36:59-37:00

    We're gonna get this balance.

    37:00-37:04

    You must train your children to understand that ministry is a part of life.

    37:06-37:07

    Can we get this balance?

    37:08-37:13

    Ministry is not everything, but ministry is something.

    37:15-37:19

    It's not all of life, but it is a very important part of life.

    37:22-37:23

    Let's get the balance there.

    37:23-37:24

    Let's teach our kids.

    37:26-37:28

    No, my ministry at the church is not more important than you.

    37:31-37:33

    But it is something important in our family.

    37:33-37:38

    And we're going to ration our time appropriately.

    37:41-37:43

    So make your home ordered and make your home holy.

    37:45-37:46

    What do we mean holy?

    37:47-37:49

    Well, the word holy just means set apart for God.

    37:50-37:52

    Holy means different from the world.

    37:53-37:57

    That's the verse five part of this Titus 2 passage that we looked at.

    37:58-38:00

    He says that the word of God may not be reviled.

    38:02-38:11

    As your children grow up, your children are going to be bombarded outside the home with absolute foolishness from the world.

    38:13-38:15

    Truth be told, they don't even have to go outside the home.

    38:15-38:18

    They can get it in the house with TV and internet and all that.

    38:20-38:22

    So how much word do you think it's happening outside the home?

    38:22-38:24

    How much do you think they're getting at school?

    38:27-38:29

    With their friends, on the sports team.

    38:30-38:36

    Your children are going to be bombarded with foolishness from the world.

    38:36-38:50

    That's why Paul reminds us in Romans 12:2, he says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind." The reason he says that is because the world really good at conforming us.

    38:52-38:55

    The world is really good at squeezing us into its image.

    38:56-38:59

    And mom's one of your primary jobs as a mom.

    39:02-39:03

    Is to make a home.

    39:05-39:06

    That is set apart from the world.

    39:09-39:13

    We're gonna close with this mom embrace these two areas of responsibility for a holy home.

    39:15-40:13

    Embrace these two areas of responsibility for a holy home. Number one, moms, you need to guard the home environment. Guard the home environment. We can't keep our children entirely shielded from the world, okay? We would like to. How many times have Aaron and I had this conversation, "I'm gonna buy a cabin in the middle of the woods. No electricity, no TV, no internet. I just want to buy a cabin in the middle of the woods and take our family there and wait for Jesus to come back. Now we're not going to do that. I'll tell you there's days I'd sure like to because there's so much garbage coming at us from the world, so much garbage coming at the kids from the world. We can't keep our children shielded from the world, but we can purify our homes so that our kids know there's a distinction between the way the way the world does things and the way our home does things.

    40:14-40:16

    Children need to see that.

    40:18-40:23

    Look, this is how the world operates, kids, but this isn't how God operates.

    40:23-40:25

    And that's why our home is going to be different.

    40:25-40:29

    That's why we don't treat people the way the world treats people.

    40:31-40:34

    That's why we don't talk about things the way the world talks about things.

    40:34-40:37

    We don't joke about things the way the world jokes about things.

    40:37-40:45

    "Mom, you need to have a home that is distinctly different from the world." Guard the home environments.

    40:46-40:48

    Teaching your kids, rather, how to treat others.

    40:49-40:53

    Teaching your kids a wholesome and biblical view of sexuality.

    40:55-40:57

    Teaching your kids what it means to handle money.

    40:59-41:01

    All of these things, different than the world.

    41:01-41:04

    "Mom, establish that in your home environment.

    41:04-41:06

    and guard that home environment.

    41:08-41:13

    Number two, teach them how to filter everything through the Word of God.

    41:14-41:17

    Teach your kids how to filter everything through the Word of God.

    41:18-41:29

    Deuteronomy 6, verse 7, we alluded to last week briefly, concerning the law of God or the Word of God, we can make the broader application.

    41:30-41:42

    He says, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, "You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Do you see that picture?

    41:44-41:49

    Discipleship happens Sunday morning when they go off to their thing and we're doing our thing in here.

    41:51-41:53

    Discipleship has to constantly be happening.

    41:55-42:07

    But moms, you need to help your kids to look at life the lenses of God's Word, or to take the things of life and use God's Word as a filter.

    42:08-42:10

    What does God's Word have to say about that?

    42:13-42:25

    Obviously, you can't filter them for being exposed to evil or exposed to temptation, but we can teach them how to keep themselves from being vulnerable.

    42:25-42:29

    We can teach them how to avoid temptation.

    42:31-42:36

    We can teach them how to respond in unexpected situations in a way that's going to honor Christ.

    42:38-42:41

    So moms, teach your kids how to filter everything through the Word of God.

    42:42-42:46

    It starts when you get up, take a break when they go to bed.

    42:48-42:50

    Everything else, look for teachable moments.

    42:52-42:57

    To moms, to recap, your job is to keep the home orderly and holy.

    42:59-43:01

    So the team's going to be taking the field today.

    43:02-43:04

    And there is a whole lot at stake.

    43:07-43:09

    But I'm not talking about the football playoffs.

    43:11-43:51

    The team that's responsible for what kind of person the world is going to inherit when you launch child from your home. That's the team that I'm most concerned about. We talked last week about the arrow. How you have to cut the arrow straight and shape the arrow. Mom and dad you have your roles. Mom and dad you have your marching orders. The team effort. What kind of a person is the world going to inherit?

    43:52-43:52

    Let's pray.

    43:54-43:59

    Father in heaven, again, Father, just pray over Your Word.

    44:01-44:07

    We covered a lot of different passages and a lot of issues today, Father.

    44:09-44:16

    I pray that Your Holy Spirit would take these things and really just make deep roots of these things in our hearts.

    44:18-44:22

    Father, I pray for the dads in this room right now.

    44:24-44:28

    I pray specifically for us dads, Father, that we wouldn't neglect our job, that we would step up.

    44:31-44:34

    We wouldn't sit back to see what the tone of the house is going to be.

    44:34-44:37

    I pray that we would be people who would set the tone of the house.

    44:40-44:42

    Father, I pray for the moms in this room.

    44:44-44:57

    Sometimes moms love the kids too much to a point that the children are exalted above the husband, and the children sometimes are even exalted above Christ.

    44:58-45:01

    Everything revolves around making the kids happy.

    45:02-45:21

    I pray for the mom's father, that they would understand your priorities, and that moms would continue to work diligently make a home that operates in a completely different way than the world.

    45:23-45:45

    Father, we know none of these changes are possible in our own flesh, in our own strength, in our own creativity or intellect. Father, your Holy Spirit has to empower these things. Only your Holy Spirit can bring the type of changes that need to be made in us so that we're better equipped to disciple our kids.

    45:47-45:49

    For that, Father, we cry out to you today.

    45:51-46:06

    In the middle of all this doing our roles kind of thing, I pray that we don't neglect the bigger picture of loving our spouse in the way that you've called us to.

    46:08-46:11

    Unify every home in this room.

    46:13-46:16

    Unify and strengthen every marriage, Father.

    46:18-46:21

    We pray these things in Jesus' name, Amen.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):
Read Ephesians 6:4, Genesis 2:24, Titus 2:4-5

  1. How would you define the role of the father, biblically? Where do you see this failing in our culture? In your home? (only answer last question if YOU are the father)

  2. How would you define the role of the mother, biblically? Where do you see this failing in our culture? In your home? (only answer last question if YOU are the mother)

  3. What does it mean to provoke your children to anger (Ephesians 6:4)? Why is this directed towards fathers, specifically? What happens when a child IS provoked to anger? How can you prevent this?

  4. List the right priorities for mom (discussed in the message, and see Genesis 2:24 & Titus 2:4-5). What happens when these are out of order, ex., children are put above husband?

Breakout Questions:

Pray for struggling families you know - for dads to be dads and moms to be moms, biblically. 

Examine your own home - is it a "holy place", ie, set aside for God? Are there any sinful or worldly things in your home that can be giving your child(ren) mixed messages? What needs to be eliminated?

Parenting on Purpose - Part 1

The Target: Your Child’s Heart

Intro:

READY? Three Reality Checks that Must Shape Biblical Parenting:

  1. Your Relationship with Christ is Priority #1.

    1 Corinthians 2:14 - But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.


  2. Your Child is a Little Sinner.

    Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

    Review: Romans 5

  3. The Bible is the Source of Authority.

AIM...! My Mission is to Make Disciples of My Children:
What Does it Mean to Disciple Your Children? (Deuteronomy 6:4-13)

  • Worship
  • Walk
  • Work

FIRE! Go for the Heart.

4 Wrong Things to Go After:

  1. Your comfort
  2. Your child's happiness
  3. Applause for yourself
  4. Applause for you child

TEAR DOWN IDOLS - (Rom 8:19)

Mark 7:21-22 - For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.


LIFT UP CHRIST
Five Things to Teach and Model about Christlike-ness:

  1. Teach them to Serve.

    Isaiah 52:13 - Behold, My servant will prosper, He will be high and lifted up, and greatly exalted.


  2. Teach them to be Submissive.

    Luke 2:51 - And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth; and He continued in subjection to them.


  3. Teach them to Seek.

    Luke 19:10 - For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.


  4. Teach them to be Sanctified.

    John 17:4 - I glorified you [God the Father] on earth.


  5. Teach them to Suffer.

    1 Peter 1:2-3 - And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.


Psalm 127:3-5 - Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

Sermon Notes (PDF): BLANK
Hint: Highlight blanks above for answers!

  • 00:00-00:10

    Now if you're visiting with us, typically at Harvest Bible Chapel, we do what's called expository preaching, meaning we take a book of the Bible and we go through verse by verse.

    00:10-00:13

    And this year we're going through the book of Acts.

    00:14-00:17

    But we take breaks, and we're going to be taking a break the next four weeks.

    00:17-00:22

    Not an expository sermon like in Acts, but we're going to be doing what's called a topical series.

    00:22-00:32

    We're picking a topic and we're going to be going through the Bible and seeing what the Bible has to say in different places throughout the Word of God about this subject.

    00:33-00:36

    And our series is called Parenting on Purpose.

    00:38-00:42

    And I know as soon as we say parenting, immediately it opens up for debate.

    00:43-00:49

    Because there's opinions from doctors and psychologists and the way your neighbor does it.

    00:49-00:56

    And I promise you, if we went around the room here, there's going to be some people that are going to say, My parents did everything right.

    00:58-01:10

    And there's going to be some that say, "My parents did everything wrong." There's magazines, there's ministries, there's websites, there's seminars devoted to the subject.

    01:11-01:13

    But here's the bottom line about parenting.

    01:13-01:13

    You ready?

    01:14-01:22

    You ask anybody who's a parent and who's been a parent for more than 36 hours, they're going to tell you this is true.

    01:22-01:27

    When it comes to parenting, everybody is an expert until they have kids.

    01:28-01:30

    True or false? True.

    01:31-01:34

    Everybody's an expert until they have kids.

    01:35-01:38

    I know that was true for Aaron and I. We were experts.

    01:39-01:42

    Remember Aaron, before we had kids, we used to have this conversation.

    01:44-01:46

    Our kids will not be sitting in front of the TV.

    01:47-01:50

    Our kids will not be wasting their day away sitting in front of the TV.

    01:51-01:59

    Our children will play with Legos and chemistry sets and do scholarly things, and they will be at the library.

    02:00-02:02

    And we will not use the TV as a babysitter.

    02:05-02:06

    Oh, yes, Evan, that's what we're saying now.

    02:08-02:11

    Because you fast forward in our lives from that point.

    02:11-02:13

    You fast forward a dozen years.

    02:14-02:16

    We're just like, oh, go watch something on TV.

    02:17-02:18

    Go!

    02:18-02:19

    Anything!

    02:20-02:30

    "Oh, everybody's an expert until they have kids." And, "Oh, I could tell you stories of how this former parenting expert has failed.

    02:33-02:36

    I could tell you the story of being new in town.

    02:37-02:42

    And we're going to be meeting in this facility." So I got to know the preacher next door, John Price.

    02:42-02:44

    Loved the man. Great pastor. Loved the guy.

    02:44-03:33

    And he's like, "Hey, our church is having a picnic." And we're like, "Great! That'll be so much fun." we're going to a picnic. And I'm like, you know, we're going to get to meet a local pastor and going to get to meet the people, so let's put on our best faces. And we were doing really good meeting people, group of strangers at the picnic, until Aaron and I looked over in the yard, and there are, okay, this was, so this would have been six years ago. So there were both of our boys standing in the lawn at Covenant with their pants around their ankles, urinating on the lawn, with Cade hollering over his shoulder, "Look, Mom, we're making a P-Cross!" Let me tell you, those people at Covenant are very gracious, because they still talk to us.

    03:35-04:05

    And I've told you stories before about our veterinarian friend taking us to Living Treasures, local zoo up north near Newcastle, and going into the bird enclosure where my younger son at the time very absent-mindedly unintentionally stomped a cockatiel to death. That might be funny for you but I had to go back and explain to the people why one of their birds was dead. I felt horrible.

    04:05-04:18

    The lady working there said, "Why do you feel horrible?" and I said, "Because usually when I take my family to the zoo we don't murder the animals." I could tell stories about waking up and finding that our dog's chest was painted pink.

    04:21-04:45

    And all just when we think we have a very Brady family. I remember it was last year, I'm sorry, two years ago. We had a guest speaker in town and we were sort of hosting him and his family. And I remember Sunday night Aaron and I sat down on the couch with Cade. Can you picture this? We're sitting on the couch So we put Cade between us and I put my arm around him.

    04:45-04:49

    And we had this just very heartwarming family chat.

    04:50-04:55

    And I said, Cade, I want you to know-- I know there's a lot of stuff happening this weekend with the guest preacher in town.

    04:55-04:57

    And I just want you to know I'm very proud of you.

    04:58-04:59

    You really did a great job.

    04:59-05:02

    And Aaron said, yeah, Cade, you really did a great job.

    05:02-05:04

    You were really proud.

    05:04-05:05

    You listened.

    05:06-05:08

    And we know we had to run around a lot.

    05:08-05:09

    And you really handled it well.

    05:10-05:12

    So Cade, we're very proud of you.

    05:13-05:21

    We said, "Well, one thing you need to work on, this is a little thing, but one thing you need to work on, you know, when adults are talking, you don't want to interrupt the adults when they're talking.

    05:21-05:24

    That's a little thing, it happened a couple times, but we're going to do better.

    05:25-05:33

    But look, hey, overall, overall, Kate, we are very proud of you." Put our arm around him, kissed him on the head.

    05:35-06:02

    "All right, buddy, it's time for bed." I remember Cade walking towards the steps and he got on that bottom landing and he turned and very quietly and very straightforwardly looked over his shoulder and said there in an eye, "Yeah, well, you both can stick it." You're like, "Why are you telling us these horrible stories?" Here's why I'm telling you these stories.

    06:02-06:04

    I don't have the parenting thing figured out either.

    06:06-06:09

    I'd be doing something for almost 12 years that I'd be good at it.

    06:10-06:15

    My point is, these guys didn't come with instruction manuals.

    06:16-06:19

    We have the Word of God to guide us, and that's what we're turning to.

    06:20-06:22

    But honestly, any one of us could stand up here.

    06:22-06:26

    Any one of us that have kids could stand up here and tell stories about the times that we blew it, right?

    06:26-06:27

    Right?

    06:28-06:30

    I'm just saying, none of us have it all figured out.

    06:31-06:33

    Did you see in the news last week?

    06:33-06:34

    Did you see the thing with the two-year-old twins?

    06:35-07:24

    see that? The two-year-old twins were like, they had like the nanny cam and they were climbing on the dresser, you know, and did you see this? How many people saw that? And the dresser falls back, boom, and crushes one of the twins and the other twin's like, you know, like Popeye, like da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and he picks up the dresser and the other twin kind of scrambles out from under it. And I saw that on the news and the first thing I did was I looked it up online. Kid's fine, by the way, in case you didn't see the whole think it's fine it was a herculean effort but I looked it up online not because I'm sadistic and want to see the video again in fact I didn't want to see the video again because it's hard to watch. What I wanted to see were the comments section underneath the video because I was preparing for this series right and I knew exactly what I was going to find and I was not disappointed you know what I found?

    07:26-07:45

    comment after comment after comment after comment after comment of What irresponsible parents? All these comments berating this mother for leaving the kids alone.

    07:45-07:49

    Oh, we are mighty keyboard warriors, aren't we? Do we know the whole story?

    07:49-07:53

    Maybe the mother ran to the kitchen for two minutes to get their food. Maybe that happened.

    07:54-07:57

    Maybe the mother had to stop into the bathroom for a second. Maybe that happened.

    07:57-08:05

    We don't know the story, but we're so quick to get online and criticize other people's parenting when we don't have the whole story.

    08:05-08:07

    But the truth is none of us have it all figured out.

    08:08-08:15

    Okay, none of us are perfect, but what we want to do, what we're covering this month, we want to parent on purpose.

    08:16-08:21

    We're not going to use our failures as an excuse to not be intentional.

    08:24-08:26

    Because raising children is not going to happen by accident.

    08:27-08:40

    You're not going to go to bed and wake up in 18 years, and your child's going to be this perfect citizen of the United States, this perfect disciple of Jesus Christ, this perfect ambassador of the Kingdom of Heaven.

    08:40-08:42

    It's not going to happen by accident.

    08:46-08:54

    So this week, by way of introduction, the target - we are going after the target, which is your child's heart.

    08:55-08:59

    simply for today by way of outline structure, very simple.

    09:01-09:23

    It's a familiar slogan that Dan and Alicia Thompson have adopted for our student ministry, for our youth group, and so I texted Dan, I'm like, "This is just too appropriate for what we're going to be talking about today, so I'm going to be using some of the same terminology." So here you go in your outline, "Ready, aim, fire." Ready, aim, fire.

    09:24-09:27

    First of all, ready. Talk about ready.

    09:27-09:30

    These are three reality checks that must shape biblical parenting.

    09:30-09:37

    This is like introduction for the whole series, but these are three realities that we can't go any further until we address this.

    09:38-09:41

    Okay? And number one is this.

    09:42-09:45

    Your relationship with Christ is priority number one.

    09:46-09:48

    We're going to be talking about parenting biblically.

    09:49-09:55

    In order for that to happen, You need to be born again.

    09:57-10:04

    You can't just take these principles and think that you're going to apply God's Word in your own strength and power.

    10:04-10:05

    It can't happen.

    10:06-10:09

    This has to flow out of your relationship with Christ.

    10:10-10:21

    1 Corinthians 2:14 says, "But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them they are spiritually appraised.

    10:22-10:27

    Meaning this, if you want to biblically parent your child, you have to be a follower of Jesus Christ yourself.

    10:27-10:29

    That needs to be number one.

    10:29-10:39

    So if you're here and you're like, "Well, I'm not really a Christian, but I thought I might learn a couple..." You might learn a couple interesting tidbits, but you're not going to be able to biblically parent your child in your own power.

    10:41-10:45

    "Not by might or by power, but by my spirit," says the Lord.

    10:45-10:48

    This has to be a spiritual thing.

    10:49-10:52

    So, your relationship with Christ is priority number one.

    10:53-10:57

    Second reality check, your child is a little sinner.

    10:59-11:01

    I am sorry to break that to you.

    11:03-11:04

    Have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?

    11:05-11:11

    Romans 3.23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Your child was born a sinner.

    11:13-11:14

    Like, well, that's not very nice.

    11:14-11:17

    Look, your child's a sinner because you are, by nature.

    11:18-11:28

    Romans chapter 5 says that when Adam brought sin into the world, he passed it down generation to generation to generation, that you were born a sinner because your parents are sinners.

    11:29-11:31

    Okay, you don't talk about my mama that way.

    11:31-11:35

    Well, hang on, your mama's a sinner because her parents are sinners.

    11:36-11:37

    It traces all the way back to Adam and Eve.

    11:38-11:40

    So we're all born with this sin nature.

    11:40-11:45

    We're all born with this bent to do the wrong thing, to do the selfish thing.

    11:45-11:53

    And I feel like I'm trying to sell you on this, But the truth is, if you're here and you have kids, you don't need convinced of that.

    11:54-11:59

    If you have kids, I don't need to sell you on the fact that your child is a sinner.

    12:01-12:03

    Because children are inherently selfish.

    12:03-12:07

    Children inherently lie and sneak and cheat.

    12:08-12:10

    And children are just inherently selfish.

    12:10-12:11

    Who taught them to be selfish?

    12:11-12:12

    I know the parents.

    12:12-12:15

    I've been at the hospital when you've had your babies.

    12:15-12:21

    I've had the joy of holding these precious babies in this church, being one of the first on the scene.

    12:21-12:22

    That's one of the great things about being a pastor, right?

    12:23-12:29

    Because I get to be one of the first on the scene to see these new babies, but the truth is, brand new little sinners.

    12:32-12:33

    Hey, look, I love them, they're beautiful.

    12:34-12:36

    I love them, and I know you love them.

    12:36-12:38

    But biblically, they are little sinners.

    12:41-12:42

    And they're going to sin.

    12:44-12:46

    The infant that won't sleep unless he's held.

    12:48-12:50

    The toddler who won't share his toys.

    12:50-12:53

    The teenager who won't clean his room.

    12:54-12:54

    Sinners!

    12:56-12:58

    Number three, reality check.

    12:58-13:00

    The Bible is the source of authority.

    13:01-13:03

    Okay, your relationship with Christ is priority one.

    13:03-13:04

    Your child's a little sinner.

    13:05-13:07

    And as we go through this series, the Bible is the source of authority.

    13:08-13:10

    Everyone has a source of authority, right?

    13:10-13:13

    experience, pop culture, expert opinions themselves.

    13:14-13:17

    Like we talked about when we went through marriage.

    13:17-13:19

    Marriage is God's thing in God's way.

    13:20-13:21

    Right?

    13:21-13:23

    Do God's thing in God's way.

    13:23-13:23

    Same with parenting.

    13:25-13:28

    Parenting your children, discipling your children, that's God's thing.

    13:28-13:29

    Do it God's way.

    13:29-13:30

    OK, so that's ready.

    13:30-13:31

    Aim.

    13:33-13:33

    Aim.

    13:33-13:37

    My mission is to make disciples of my children.

    13:37-13:38

    You've got to have a plan.

    13:40-13:41

    You've got to have a plan.

    13:43-13:47

    Okay, so the Lord has entrusted this life to you, so what do you do with it?

    13:49-13:50

    You've got to have a plan.

    13:52-14:00

    And biblically, the plan - biblically, the responsibility that you have been entrusted is to make disciples of your children.

    14:02-14:05

    Somebody says, "Wait a second, that's why I take my kids to church.

    14:05-14:08

    Isn't that the church's job?" No, it is not the church's job.

    14:08-14:11

    It is not the church's job to disciple your children.

    14:13-14:13

    We love your children.

    14:14-14:18

    We want to assist you in discipling your own children.

    14:19-14:22

    But it is not the church's job to replace the parents.

    14:23-14:24

    Okay, God gave those kids to you.

    14:25-14:26

    And God's entrusting you.

    14:27-14:28

    And God's equipping you.

    14:28-14:32

    And God's going to use the church to come alongside of you.

    14:33-14:34

    But it is not our job.

    14:36-14:41

    to the parent that thinks, "Well, I drop my kids off at Sunday school or harvest kids.

    14:41-14:43

    My kids go there." Mandy will take care of it.

    14:44-14:46

    It is not Mandy's job to disciple your kids.

    14:47-14:49

    Mandy's got her own kids to disciple.

    14:51-14:53

    We want to help you.

    14:53-14:55

    And we give assistance.

    14:55-14:57

    We come alongside.

    14:57-14:58

    And there's take-home sheets.

    14:58-15:04

    And we use this time while we're getting into the Word here to take your kids and teach them some things about the Word of God.

    15:04-15:07

    That is not a replacement for your job.

    15:08-15:10

    You must disciple your own children.

    15:11-15:12

    That's your job.

    15:13-15:23

    And I have to say this, on the front end of this sermon series, please hear me, because this could be the hardest thing.

    15:24-15:27

    But you cannot guarantee that your child will follow Christ.

    15:28-15:29

    You can't guarantee that.

    15:30-15:31

    Oh, I wish that you could.

    15:32-15:33

    I wish that you could.

    15:34-15:43

    I wish it were as easy as, "Look, church, just do these three simple steps and your child will be a follower of Christ." The truth is that kid has a will of his own.

    15:43-15:46

    She's going to grow up and have a will of her own.

    15:47-15:51

    And she needs to make a personal decision to follow Jesus Christ herself.

    15:52-15:56

    Your child's not going to heaven because you are a follower of Jesus Christ.

    15:58-16:03

    And you can't guarantee that your child's going to follow Christ.

    16:04-16:09

    I know some of the most wonderful people that have kids that have nothing to do with the Lord.

    16:11-16:19

    And I know people that frankly don't give a rip about God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, the church, or anything, and they've got kids that are missionaries.

    16:21-16:26

    Okay, so it's not like we're giving you a recipe on how to bake a cake.

    16:26-16:29

    Or these ingredients in the pan, throw it in the oven and pull it out and ta-da.

    16:29-16:30

    It's not like that.

    16:33-16:47

    With all that said, God has given you the authority and the assignment to teach and model what it means to follow Jesus, also known as making disciples.

    16:48-16:51

    We're not going to turn there today, but I want you to turn later.

    16:53-16:54

    Deuteronomy chapter 6.

    16:54-16:57

    You see this even under the Old Testament law.

    16:58-17:02

    was showing Old Testament Israel, you must disciple your kids.

    17:04-17:06

    What does it mean to disciple your children?

    17:07-17:19

    On Harvest Bible Chapel, we define a disciple of Jesus Christ as someone who genuinely does these three things - worships Christ, walks with Christ, and works for Christ.

    17:20-17:22

    Okay, and you see all three of those things in Deuteronomy 6.

    17:24-17:28

    walk with the Lord God, and work for the Lord God.

    17:28-17:29

    Serve Him.

    17:30-17:32

    That's what it means to disciple your children.

    17:33-17:37

    To teach your children a reverence, the fear of the Lord.

    17:37-17:40

    What it means to have that reverence for God.

    17:41-17:44

    It means to have your children love the church.

    17:44-17:46

    Why? Because Christ loves the church.

    17:47-17:55

    And God has chosen the church be the place where disciples are made, where truth is dispensed.

    17:58-18:11

    Discipling your children means teaching them what it means to be a part of a church, involved in whether it's youth group in earlier years, growing up into a small group, what it means to be a part of a community of believers.

    18:13-18:16

    You need to teach your children why that's important.

    18:18-18:25

    You know, our small groups, every one of our small groups are involved in some type of a community outreach and our church as a whole will take mission trips.

    18:26-18:27

    Your kids need to be on those trips.

    18:28-18:33

    Because you need to disciple your kids, that the world doesn't revolve around them.

    18:33-18:36

    We are here to serve our Creator.

    18:38-18:42

    Modeling reverence for God and a servant attitude for your church.

    18:42-18:45

    Discipling your children. You have to have that as your aim.

    18:47-18:49

    Okay, so ready? We have the reality checks.

    18:49-18:51

    Aim. We know the mission, right?

    18:51-18:52

    Everybody clear on the mission?

    18:53-18:55

    We're called to make disciples of our kids.

    18:55-19:01

    How foolish would we be if we come to church and we're like, "Jesus told us to make disciples," and we're neglecting that in our own home?

    19:03-19:03

    Fire.

    19:05-19:06

    Here's where we're going to land today.

    19:06-19:07

    Go for the heart.

    19:09-19:13

    So the aim is to make disciples, but the question is how do I make disciples of my children?

    19:16-19:18

    Here's your big takeaway from today.

    19:19-19:20

    You've got to go for the heart.

    19:21-19:23

    Got to go for the heart.

    19:25-19:26

    Like as opposed to what?

    19:26-19:27

    Well, jot this down.

    19:27-19:28

    Here's four wrong things to go after.

    19:29-19:31

    Four wrong things to go after.

    19:31-19:34

    I've been guilty of this at times, and you have been guilty of this at times.

    19:35-19:38

    So don't you sit there while I go through this list and wag your head at me.

    19:39-19:40

    Like, oh, Pastor Jeff is so incompetent.

    19:40-19:41

    You've done these things too.

    19:44-19:44

    Everybody say amen.

    19:45-19:46

    Okay, thank you.

    19:47-19:49

    You're not just saying that because I told you to say that, right?

    19:51-19:53

    This is serious business.

    19:55-20:00

    And we want to take it seriously, but let's just be real about it.

    20:01-20:10

    I just would hate anybody to leave here going like, "Man, I'm an awesome parent, and maybe I should be teaching this series." Because we've all been here.

    20:10-20:12

    Four wrong things to go after.

    20:13-20:16

    Number one, is your comfort.

    20:18-20:20

    That's a wrong thing to go after in parenting.

    20:20-20:22

    And a lot of parents go after that.

    20:22-20:22

    What do I mean?

    20:22-20:24

    I just want peace and quiet.

    20:24-20:25

    I don't have time for this.

    20:25-20:26

    I have work to do.

    20:27-20:28

    You deal with it, Mom.

    20:29-20:30

    You deal with it.

    20:30-20:34

    And when you do that, all you really care about at that point is your comfort.

    20:36-20:38

    Your child is just an annoyance to you.

    20:39-20:46

    So instead of going after growing them, even when it's inconvenient for you, You're more concerned about your comfort.

    20:48-20:49

    That's a wrong thing to go after.

    20:52-20:55

    Second, this is probably the biggest.

    20:57-21:00

    Going to step on some toes here, but this is a wrong thing to go after.

    21:00-21:02

    Number two is your child's happiness.

    21:04-21:05

    That is a wrong thing to go after.

    21:07-21:09

    I just want my kids to be happy.

    21:10-21:11

    I just want my kids to be happy.

    21:11-21:12

    Look, I want my kids to be happy, too.

    21:12-21:13

    I do.

    21:14-21:15

    I want my kids to be happy.

    21:17-21:23

    But I can't do that at the expense of spoiling them to think that, again, the whole world revolves around them.

    21:25-21:28

    Parents say, well, I can't do that.

    21:28-21:29

    He might cry.

    21:31-21:32

    I can't do that to him.

    21:32-21:32

    He might cry.

    21:33-21:38

    Your kid's happiness has become more important to you than teaching your child something.

    21:40-21:42

    And a parent come to me years and years ago.

    21:44-21:45

    She was beside herself.

    21:45-21:49

    She goes, my teenage son was looking at stuff on the computer that he shouldn't be looking at.

    21:49-21:50

    What should I do?

    21:50-21:52

    I said, where's his computer?

    21:52-21:53

    She goes, in his room.

    21:55-21:58

    Like, we go in his room, and he's yanked the computer from the wall.

    21:59-22:00

    And you say, you're done with the computer.

    22:01-22:03

    And she's, well, I can't do that.

    22:06-22:11

    All of the sudden, we're more concerned about the kid's happiness than the fact that he's on a path of destruction.

    22:13-22:14

    A lot of us are there, church.

    22:15-22:17

    You're more concerned for your child's happiness.

    22:20-22:26

    Number three, and we're all guilty of this one too, number three, applause for yourself.

    22:28-22:34

    Meaning, what you're after, not really discipling your child, you just want other people to think that you're doing a good job.

    22:34-22:38

    It's kind of like what Alex was saying about putting the empty offering envelope in.

    22:39-22:41

    Like, I want people to think I'm giving, but I'm not really giving.

    22:41-22:44

    But I want the appearance of-- People do that with their kids all the time, right?

    22:45-22:48

    I just want other people to think I'm a great parent.

    22:49-22:51

    Don't you embarrass me!

    22:53-22:55

    I have to look like a good parent.

    22:56-22:58

    And the next thing you know, they're peeing on the lawn of the church.

    23:01-23:04

    That's a bad thing to go after, applause for yourself.

    23:05-23:10

    Something freeing and confessing these things to you because that's sort of taking that off the table for me.

    23:10-23:14

    I know that nobody's going to applaud me as a parent after this message.

    23:15-23:19

    Here's number four, a wrong thing to go after, applause for your child.

    23:20-23:23

    Applause for your child. I just want my daughter to be popular.

    23:24-23:26

    I just want my son to have friends.

    23:26-23:31

    And I let him do these things because I don't want him to appear to be a nerd or whatever.

    23:32-23:41

    Now all of a sudden we're more concerned about what the other kids think about your kid than what God thinks about the way you're trying to disciple your kid.

    23:42-23:43

    That's not a good approach.

    23:45-23:48

    Our approach must go for the heart, Christ-centered.

    23:50-23:51

    Listen to this.

    23:53-24:01

    With a view of who they are going to be in 20 years, and where they're going to spend eternity.

    24:03-24:14

    You need to think about your child with a view of who he or she is going to be in 20 years, and where they're going to spend eternity.

    24:16-24:21

    That has to include both correction and instruction.

    24:24-24:26

    This is what we're going to close with today.

    24:26-24:30

    In other words, I want you to think about it this way.

    24:30-24:39

    As a parent, discipling your kids, going for the hearts, You need to tear down idols, and you need to exalt Christ.

    24:41-24:42

    Let's talk about tearing down idols for a second.

    24:43-24:44

    Like, what are you talking about?

    24:45-24:55

    Well, we talk about tearing down idols, what I mean is, often when we parent, we just look at the actions that our children are doing, and we want to correct the actions.

    24:57-24:58

    There's a problem with that.

    24:59-25:01

    We're dealing with a human being, not an animal.

    25:02-25:45

    If you're just looking at actions actions, that's how you train dogs, okay? My dog does certain things not because of morality, not because of thoughts of God, or he's just like, "This is what I've been taught to do. This action is right, this action is wrong." There's no getting to the heart. I really don't care about where his heart is. I just want him to know this action's right, this action's wrong. Well, you can't take that approach with your children. These are eternal beings with the image of God stamped on So there should be some regard of righteousness, of pleasing God, of "Is God noticing my actions?" It's going to the heart.

    25:47-25:52

    Obviously by heart we mean the thoughts, attitudes, emotions, motivations, will, conscience.

    25:53-25:58

    But the Bible talks about the heart, it's not just talking about the pumping blood thing, right?

    25:58-25:59

    You know that.

    25:59-26:02

    talking about your innermost being, who you are at the core.

    26:04-26:24

    We tear down idols, meaning this, when there's disobedience on your child's part, when there's disobedience, we need to determine what idol at that moment is more important than following the God-given authority that you have as parents.

    26:26-27:10

    And it's determining the underlying desires behind wrong actions, it's going to help parents know the appropriate correction for the situation. Meaning this, your child disobeys in some area. As parents, we need to learn to get to the heart, not just look at the action, but get to the heart by asking questions like, "What was he thinking when he did that? What was she wanting more than anything else in that moment? What was the heart motivation? Now, I said not to do this, and then they immediately went out and did it. What prompted that action?

    27:12-27:47

    Parents need to ask these types of questions because here it is, Jesus said that actions come from the hearts. Remember Mark chapter 7, verses 21, 22, Jesus said, "For from within, of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornication, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of covening and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness." Jesus said the evil actions come out of an evil heart.

    27:48-27:53

    So as parents, we need to try to get to the heart of the matter.

    27:55-27:56

    What does that look like?

    27:56-27:59

    Well, for example, let's say you have a rule in your house.

    27:59-28:04

    You say, look, you're not allowed to play Xbox until all your homework is done.

    28:05-28:09

    And then you come home and your kid's playing Xbox.

    28:09-28:12

    And you say, do you have your homework done?

    28:13-28:14

    And he says, no.

    28:16-28:17

    Okay, now we have a problem.

    28:18-28:25

    He knew the rule was clearly defined, but he's clearly not following these guidelines.

    28:26-28:30

    So as a parent, it's our job to get to the root of why that's happening.

    28:31-28:33

    What are some possible reasons?

    28:35-28:39

    You see, it's not just - sometimes we just assume it's one thing, but it's not always one thing, is it?

    28:40-28:41

    One reason might be rebellion.

    28:42-28:44

    I know you said that, and I don't care.

    28:45-29:21

    rebellion and that shows you the level of what you need to deal with that. For some, and I think this happens a lot in our house, some of it is just forgetfulness. Did you remember the rule? Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. Okay, then maybe that shows you how you need to address the situation. For some it just might be distraction. Oh, I know you said that, but I just got this game and I love this game so much and I just, I just, going to show you how you need to deal with the disobedience.

    29:22-29:26

    Because sometimes as parents, we have a hammer.

    29:27-29:31

    And we treat every problem like it's a nail, like one size fits all.

    29:31-29:34

    Everything the child does is rebellion.

    29:35-29:36

    And that's not always the case.

    29:37-29:47

    And we squash it sometimes overly harshly, because we haven't taken the time to motivate what's happening in the heart.

    29:49-29:55

    I heard somebody say this one time years ago and it always stuck with me, it was before I even had kids, and it always stuck with me and it came to mind here.

    29:56-30:11

    It's so appropriate, I want to share it with you because sometimes as parents, we lose our minds over foolishness and we ignore rebellion.

    30:13-30:20

    What I mean is this, and I've been guilty of this, your kid's carrying a cup of milk or whatever and drops it.

    30:20-30:22

    How many of us have lost our minds over that?

    30:23-30:28

    "Oh, you clumsy, oh come on, I just cleaned up." We just lose our minds over that.

    30:28-30:31

    But then later on that same kid can be flagrantly rebellious.

    30:31-30:33

    Like, I'm not doing that, that's stupid.

    30:33-30:34

    And we just kind of laugh it off.

    30:35-30:36

    Oh, kids will be kids.

    30:38-30:39

    When the truth is, this should be the opposite.

    30:39-30:47

    Shouldn't there be grace and overlooking accidents and dealing directly with rebellion?

    30:49-30:51

    Sometimes we have a tendency to do the opposite.

    30:53-30:59

    We ignore rebellion and lose our minds over childishness or over a mistake.

    30:59-31:02

    That's something I've had to catch myself doing, honestly.

    31:03-31:06

    Something will happen in the home, and the first thing I have to think of-- wait, wait, wait, hang on.

    31:07-31:11

    Before I fly off the handle again, was this an accident?

    31:12-31:13

    Did he mean to do that?

    31:14-31:17

    Did he draw a line in the sand, and is he challenging me?

    31:17-31:19

    Or was this just a simple mistake?

    31:21-31:22

    Parents, you need to get to the heart.

    31:23-31:30

    What is it in your child's life-- and it can change from moment to moment-- What is it that's causing the disobedience?

    31:31-31:34

    That's an idol that needs to be torn down.

    31:35-31:36

    You need to determine what that idol is.

    31:39-31:40

    So you tear down the idols and what do you do instead?

    31:40-31:41

    You lift up Christ.

    31:42-31:43

    Lift up Christ.

    31:45-31:49

    You know, God's goal for every believer is Romans 8.29.

    31:49-31:52

    He wants us to be conformed into the image of his Son.

    31:53-31:55

    And discipling our children means teaching them.

    31:57-32:00

    Teaching them what it means to be like Jesus Christ.

    32:01-32:02

    What does that look like on your outline?

    32:03-32:05

    I'm gonna go through these very quickly.

    32:05-32:07

    Five things to teach and model about Christlikeness.

    32:08-32:10

    You wanna teach your kids about Christ?

    32:10-32:13

    You wanna teach your kids what it means to be an imitator of Christ?

    32:13-32:14

    Here's five things.

    32:15-32:22

    And honestly, we could probably do 5,000 things, but I was trying to get like big categories here, right?

    32:22-32:24

    Five things to teach and model about Christlikeness.

    32:25-32:26

    Number one, teach them to serve.

    32:28-32:29

    Teach your kids to serve.

    32:31-32:37

    Isaiah 52, Jesus Christ the Messiah is called a servant.

    32:38-32:40

    And Jesus even said, you know, what is it?

    32:41-32:52

    Luke 19, he says, "The Son of Man didn't come to be served, but to serve." You need to teach your kids what it means to serve.

    32:55-32:56

    Teach them to serve.

    32:57-32:59

    Number two, teach them to be submissive.

    33:01-33:02

    Isn't it interesting?

    33:02-33:18

    The only story we have about Jesus as a kid, the only story, is from Luke chapter 2, it says, you remember the story, they're like the caravan leaving town, and like, "Hey, where's Jesus?" And they like left him.

    33:19-33:21

    They went and found him, teaching the teachers in the synagogue.

    33:23-33:23

    Like, what are you doing?

    33:23-33:40

    And Jesus said, "Father's business, right?" But it says, "He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them." The only story we have about Jesus as a kid was obeying His parents.

    33:40-33:45

    Right now, there's some kids sitting there like, "Oh gosh, I hate that story." It's true.

    33:46-34:23

    The only story we have about Jesus as a kid listening to his parents. And I would suggest to you if there was ever anybody that didn't have to listen to their earthly parents, it would have been him, right? Like, "Hey, I'm God in the flesh. Basically, you do what I tell you." He would have been in his rights to say that, I suppose, but he didn't. He willingly put himself under the authority of his parents as part of the humiliation of the Incarnation, in a way I don't quite understand, but he did. He Jesus listened to his parents.

    34:25-34:26

    You need to teach your kids.

    34:28-34:38

    Teach them to be submissive to, not just parents, but authorities at school, law enforcement, government.

    34:39-34:45

    We are people that should live a lifestyle of submitting to the authorities that God places over us.

    34:46-34:48

    Number three, teach them to seek.

    34:49-34:51

    all "S" words here, teach them to seek.

    34:53-34:54

    Seek what?

    34:55-34:57

    Well, like Jesus, remember Luke 19.10?

    34:57-35:13

    "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." You need to teach your kids to seek after the lost, seek after the hurting, seek after the people that they can help, seek after the down and out, seek after the lesser of these.

    35:15-35:16

    Because that was Jesus' whole ministry.

    35:16-36:03

    Jesus wasn't howling around with the world leaders as you would expect God to do if he was... Jesus was known as a friend of sinners. Jesus came and hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes and the worst of the worst from society's perspective. Those are the very people that Jesus sought out. As kids we kind of grow up and we get this idea of, "I don't hang around the yucky people and that kid at school is from a bad neighborhood or whatever." We need to teach our kids that that's the kid at school that you need to befriend. That's the kid at school you need to look after, you need to reach out to. Teach him to seek.

    36:05-38:04

    You want to teach your kid to be like Jesus, right? Number four, teach him to be sanctified Jesus said I glorified you referring to God the Father on earth the sanctified just means set apart right and Jesus was his whole life was set apart about the glory of God and we talked about teaching our children to be sanctified what I mean is teach your children that it's not okay to have compartments in your life meaning well this is how I act in church this is how I act around church people, but when I'm with my friends, this is how I act, and this is how I talk, and when I'm with these people, this is how I act. And adults do this, right? We have compartments. You say things to your buddies and do things with your buddies that you would never do in church or in small group. And while that's different, we sort of become different people in different scenarios, and being sanctified means I'm set apart for God. I'm glorifying God in my small group with my buddies in the church, at work, wherever I'm at. Jesus totally saw that. Everything was about being set apart for God. No compartments. Why just have like this one little thing that's not for God? That wasn't Jesus' attitude. Like I'm mostly, I'm mostly like about advancing the kingdom, but on Saturdays, on Saturdays it's about let loose, right? That wasn't Jesus. Teach them to be sanctified. Teach them what it means, living for God's glory every area of life. And number five, this could be the best thing you teach your kids about imitating Christ. One of the things the Bible is very specific on, you need to teach your kids to suffer. You need to Teach your kids to suffer.

    38:07-38:15

    Better explain how I mean that, 'cause somebody's like, "Yeah, one time he spilled grape juice on the white rug "and I taught him how to suffer then." That's not what we mean.

    38:18-38:24

    Look at 1 Peter 1:23, "And while being reviled," talking about Jesus, "he did not revile in return.

    38:24-38:50

    "While suffering, he uttered no threats, "but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously." Jesus knew how to suffer, trusting God, wasn't angry at God, wasn't angry at the people who were beating Him, who were insulting Him, He wasn't angry with them, He wasn't vengeful, He wasn't thinking retaliation.

    38:52-38:54

    He continued entrusting Himself to God.

    38:56-38:59

    The sad thing is, in some way, shape, or form, your child is going to suffer.

    39:00-39:16

    Your child is going to suffer, whether it's getting some disease, long-term or temporary, whether it's falling in love with the wrong person, getting their heart destroyed when they're abandoned.

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    Your child is going to suffer because this world is a horrible place.

    39:25-39:27

    You need to teach your kids.

    39:29-39:30

    Here's how you suffer.

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    Here's how you trust God, even when everything else is horrible.

    39:38-39:41

    You need to teach your kids how to suffer the way Christ suffered.

    39:42-39:43

    Teach them to suffer.

    39:45-39:47

    As parents, we go for the heart, right?

    39:47-39:49

    We're tearing down the idols.

    39:51-39:52

    We're lifting up Christ.

    39:54-39:55

    But it's going to be a hard thing, right?

    39:57-39:59

    I want to close with one more scripture.

    39:59-40:06

    This is one of my favorites, concerning this idea of parenting, and children, and discipleship.

    40:08-40:17

    Psalm 127, verses 3-5 says, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.

    40:19-40:21

    The fruit of the womb is a reward.

    40:22-40:31

    Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.

    40:33-40:41

    How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Now, according to God's Word, children are compared to what?

    40:41-40:44

    Say it. Arrows, right? To arrows.

    40:45-40:57

    Now why in the world would God compare your child to an arrow?

    40:59-41:00

    I was thinking about this this week.

    41:01-41:03

    There's probably more, but I can think of three.

    41:04-41:06

    Number one is this.

    41:07-41:13

    Arrows have the potential to hit far beyond the parent's reach.

    41:15-41:18

    Meaning, this isn't a close-up weapon, right?

    41:19-41:25

    This isn't -- you don't take this into battle to, like, go right up next to somebody and try to, like, poke them with the arrow.

    41:25-41:27

    It's not a close-up weapon.

    41:28-41:31

    It's a weapon intended to stay way back.

    41:32-41:42

    In the same way, the impact of your children is going to go far beyond you.

    41:43-41:48

    You're going to die someday, and your child is going to go on.

    41:50-42:30

    So the impact that you're making on that child's life now is going to reach beyond the grave for you. Not just impact over time, but also impact over distance. Maybe this child you're discipling is going to end up serving Christ mightily in another place. Not just in your neighborhood, maybe this child is going to end up in California or South Africa or Thailand or whatever. But this arrow that you've fired out of your house is going to have an impact far beyond where you are, time and distance.

    42:31-42:33

    That's one way that a child is like an arrow.

    42:33-42:40

    Another one, again, straight from the text, says how blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

    42:41-42:44

    Another way that children are like arrows, the more you have, the better.

    42:45-42:48

    I'm not going to say that because that's very counterculture.

    42:50-43:51

    We live in a culture that if you have more than three kids, people look at you like, "What's the matter with you? I'm not judging you on the size of your family. I'm just saying this, the Bible says there's nothing wrong with having a bunch of kids, okay? That's all I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with it. The Bible says, "Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Nobody goes into battle with one arrow, right? Could you imagine, like, living in biblical times, like, "Hey, we're going to war. Are you ready? Like, I got my arrow. What else do you got? Just need one." You're going to need more than one. I'm a really good shot. That's not going to matter. You need a quiver full of them. There's nothing wrong with having a bunch of kids, because that means you're shooting out the impact here, shooting out the impact here, shooting out the impact here. You're multiplying yourself, which is what we call making disciples, right?

    43:54-43:57

    The third reason, and this is why we're doing this whole sermon series.

    43:58-44:04

    You've heard me say this before if you've ever been to an infant dedication that we've had.

    44:05-44:08

    The third reason children are like arrows.

    44:09-44:12

    Arrows need cut and shaped.

    44:14-44:21

    Meaning I got this arrow from my father-in-law, and it's made out of aluminum.

    44:23-44:24

    He didn't make this.

    44:25-44:26

    He purchased this.

    44:27-44:33

    But understand, in Bible times, when you wanted an arrow, you didn't go to Cabela's.

    44:34-44:39

    You didn't go to Field and Stream and just buy an aluminum arrow off the rack.

    44:39-44:41

    If you wanted an arrow, what did you have to do?

    44:42-44:44

    You had to shape it yourself, didn't you?

    44:45-44:51

    And if you're going to shape an arrow, what's the number one quality you want that arrow to have?

    44:53-44:54

    It has to be what? Say it.

    44:55-44:56

    Straight, right? It has to be straight.

    44:57-45:04

    Why? Because if it has a little bit of a bend, if it just bananas a little bit, whew, it's not going to go where you're aiming it.

    45:06-45:12

    So the number one characteristic of an arrow is it has to be cut straight.

    45:14-45:16

    Now think of how that applies to discipleship.

    45:18-45:23

    You are cutting your children for the time that you have them in your home.

    45:26-45:28

    And I want you to hear the sense of urgency here.

    45:29-45:32

    That child is only going to be under your care for a short time.

    45:34-45:37

    Maybe what, 18 years-ish is about the average, I guess.

    45:38-45:42

    You have a few years that that child is in your home.

    45:43-45:47

    You have a few years to cut straight.

    45:48-45:52

    Because that day's going to come when the cutting's over.

    45:54-46:07

    And you stick that thing in the bow and you say, "Now we're going to fire it and see how she's going to fly." And you're going to find out how straight he was cut.

    46:09-46:11

    And it's going to fly in the direction you're aiming.

    46:13-46:14

    You need to be diligent about cutting it straight.

    46:17-46:19

    So why are we doing this four-week series?

    46:19-46:20

    Why are we interrupting Acts?

    46:20-46:22

    Because we have a small window of opportunity.

    46:24-46:25

    I think of the nursery in this church.

    46:25-46:27

    I think of Harvest Kids ministry in this church.

    46:27-46:30

    I see people sitting here holding babies in this church.

    46:31-46:38

    And I think, yeah, they're little and bald and cute and toothless and smell good now.

    46:40-46:41

    The time's ticking.

    46:42-46:45

    We need to be focused on cutting them straight now.

    46:46-46:50

    for the day that's going to come when you're going to fire.

    46:51-46:52

    So we have to be urgent.

    46:54-46:55

    We have to be consistent.

    46:56-47:01

    We have to use this window to parent on purpose.

    47:05-47:11

    Father in heaven, it's an incredible thing to me the way you work.

    47:13-47:17

    You would choose to entrust the Gospel to us.

    47:17-47:18

    Communicate it.

    47:20-47:24

    You would choose to entrust these babies to us, to disciple them.

    47:26-47:31

    Father, we need to be reminded constantly that it's by Your power.

    47:32-47:34

    It's by the power of Your Spirit.

    47:35-48:14

    It's by the power of Your Spirit in other people also having an impact influence upon us, upon our kids. I just pray against the extremes. I pray that there's nobody here today feels the task is so daunting or so overwhelming that why would I even have kids? Or I feel like such a miserable failure. You're a supplies the power, even the power to start over at times when that's needed.

    48:15-49:03

    But I also pray, Father, against any flippant attitude where, "My parents didn't try too hard and I turned out okay." Your Word is clear that we are charged with bringing up our children, not just watching them grow, not just making sure their bellies are full and there's a roof over their head. To teach them what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ, that by your grace if that day of visitation comes upon them, they understand because they've heard it. They've seen. Father, we, by your grace, by your power, we want to tackle this head on. We're trusting you for good things.

    49:04-49:30

    over these next few weeks, we're trusting you to lay a foundation in the lives of these young parents in our church, so that someday when these kids are fired out of these homes and fired out of this church, the impact is going to be far greater, far reaching than we ever would have imagined. You've called us to make disciples. You've called us to be world changers.

    49:32-49:36

    Let us start our house. We pray in Jesus' name.

    49:36-49:37

    Amen.

Small Group Questions (Whole Group):

Read Psalm 127:3-5

  1. What’s the best parenting advice you’ve ever heard? What’s the worst parenting advice you’ve ever heard? How do you evaluate what’s good and what’s not?
     

  2. What is the goal of parenting? How do you know (as a parent) you are hitting that goal?
     

  3. What does Genesis 2:24 show as a big difference between the duration of marriage and the duration of parenting? What does that say about how you should go after each of these?
     

  4. How is a child’s disobedience like an idol in their heart? Discuss the following case study:

Ronnie has been told that he is to always make his bed before breakfast. Today, Mom discovers that Ronnie's bed has not been made. Mom thinks, "Is it laziness? Is it rebellion? Is it due to distraction? Do I have all the facts?"

Evaluate these possible responses from Ronnie. How would you respond if you were his Mom? Is there an idol that needs addressed? If so, what is the idol?

It's too hard to get the wrinkles out.

I'm sick of cleaning my room. Hannah doesn't have to make her bed.

"Dad asked me to help him in the basement with the leaking pipes, right away.

I'll get to it when I'm done playing Super Mario."

Breakout Questions:

Pray for parents YOU know who are currently struggling with parenting issues.